A/N: A reposted version of this story, set during Scorpia's last chapter. Although, this was written way before Ark Angel was released, and is now AU. Oh well. Song used is Easier to Run by Linkin Park
Disclaimer: hem I don't own anything recognizable. Or the concept. Nor do I own the rights to the song. All I own is the middle names, Helen's maiden name and some of the dates.
Easier to Run
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
Ian George Rider stood alone on that spring afternoon, silently staring at the names on the two graves in front of him, the grief burning inside of him. Pain tore through his heart as he took in the words freshly carved into the stones.
Rest in Peace, John Matthew Rider. Brother to Ian, caring husband to Helen and loving father to Alex. December 1957 - April 1987
God Rest Her Soul, Helen Alanna Rider nee Turner. Loving wife of John and loving mother to Alex. October 1958 - April 1987
Something has been taken
From deep inside of me
His only brother, and his wife, gone forever in one single bomb blast. He felt a surge of pure hate sweep hotly through his body. John was the only person who really understood him, who knew what it was like to be an agent for MI6.
A secret I've kept locked away
No one can ever see
Helen, of course, knew what they did, but she would never of been able to fully grasp what her husband and brother-in-law went through on a regular basis. Some things were just too horrible to tell anyone about.
Wounds so deep they never show
They never go away
Like moving pictures in my head
For years and years they've played
Ian tried not to picture the scene in his head, the plane, suddenly exploding in midair. Scorpia had a lot to answer for. But then, what can be expected from an organization like that. Sabotage, Corruption, Intelligence, Assassination. Bah! One day they'd pay for this.
If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could
Stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave
I would
He quickly glanced away from the graves at the cry of his nephew. Already he was looking like a mini version of his dad, John. But little 3-and-a-half-month-old Alex James Rider didn't know that his father was dead, that he was now an orphan, both parents cruelly snatched away from him before he even got to know them. Ian was now his legal guardian; Alex and Ian were now each others only family.
If it had meant that John and Helen could have lived, Ian desperately wished that he could have been in that blast instead.
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
Sure, John had known the risks of going into deep cover, and that others had died in the attempt of coming out of it. But, Helen, on the other hand, while she knew that she would be in danger as well, it didn't make it fair. The only thing she'd done wrong in Scorpia's eyes was to be married to John. Hell, they'd of killed Alex if he hadn't got that ear infection, and was still only a baby, nothing to do with him!
Ian looked at Alex, if he showed the aptitude that his father had growing up, he would 'train' him with the kind of skills a spy uses. But there was plenty of time to think about that later.
He picked up his nephew and started back towards the waiting car. He quietly whispered to now slumbering infant, "They'll pay, Alex. We'll make sure of that, both of us, together."
Sometimes I remember
The darkness of my past
A bit over fourteen years on from that day, the solitary Alex Rider was about to emerge from an office on Liverpool Street, MI6 Special Operations headquarters. He was still reeling from everything that had happened to him over the last 8 months. Talk about bad memories, he fervently hoped that no other teenager had ever, or would ever, have to go through what he had. He was suddenly swamped with memories of his now dark past.
Bringing back these memories
I wish I didn't have
Ian's sudden, suspicious death, the discovery of what he was. Being forced into MI6, the Stormbreaker Mission. Then Point Blanc, and that madman Dr Grief. That Chinese triad that was out to kill him after the fiasco at Wimbledon. Alex snorted at the memory of being told by Mrs Jones and Mr Blunt that the job for the CIA was a simple surveillance mission, he was only need for a cover, that there'd be no danger. Sure, that really explained the hidden Geiger counter, the fact that they were looking for a nuclear bomb and the 4-5 times that he'd come close to death. He grimaced as he remembered Sarov's plans for that bomb, and how he'd had to stop it. Then Eagle Strike, the attack on Sabina's dad, her kidnapping, the guilt he'd suffered, knowing if Sab hadn't been his friend, she wouldn't have been in danger. Being told by Yassen Gregorovich that John Rider had been an assassin for Scorpia. And how he, Alex, had nearly turned his back on everything he'd ever believed in because of the lies that Scorpia had fed him.
Alex would have been only too happy if he could have those memories erased.
Sometimes I think of letting go
And never looking back
And never moving forward so
There would never be a past
There'd been times he'd seriously thought about, well… ending it. Completely. You know… That way he'd never have to worry about MI6 and saving the world again. Or all the lies he had to tell on regular basis about his absences from school and life in general. He wouldn't have to live with his past. He wouldn't have to worry about a lot things. But he knew that he wouldn't, couldn't, do it. He couldn't do that to Jack; she loved him as if he was her own son.
If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could
Stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I
Would
How could he of fallen for Scorpia's tricks? Alex smiled bitterly. They'd known that he'd be desperate for information about his father. THAT was how he'd fallen for it. He'd been blinded by that desperation. Unable to see the flaws in the story they told. The blame was all Alex's to take, and he knew it.
If Alex could take back at least the last 2 months, he would do so in a flash. Then he could've reversed some of those stupid mistakes he'd made.
Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don't feel misplaced
Is so much simpler than change
Well, right now Alex just needed space; he hoped that after all that MI6 had put him through, he had earned it. Just because his father and uncle worked for MI6 doesn't mean that he has to do the same does it? He had to think. About his father, about his mother, about himself, and his own future. Brookland would be a flurry of rumours about him, each more ridiculous than the previous one. He felt so misplaced being back among normal teenagers, he'd changed too much to be able to relate to most of them now.
'If only things never changed,' Alex thought, 'I might have been slightly normal then. Slightly.'
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
Blinking in the sunlight after the gloom inside the building, Alex Rider paused, there was a sudden pain in his chest. A bullet. Instead of panicking, Alex relaxed. He knew it was a fatal wound, and he guessed that it was Scorpia who'd organized it to be put there, like they'd planned his parents deaths. Third time lucky for Scorpia's attempts to kill him. He wasn't scared, to contrary, he was actually happy. He could see that his parents were with him, their ghostly faces looking sad that it had come to this. But they'd take care of him, he going to join them now.
And he'd never have to admit what he'd done/nearly done. He was about to take that shameful secret of his to the grave.
If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could
Stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave
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