The Diego Diaries: Golfin' and Goofin' (dd8 201)
=0=Golfin'
"AHEM!"
Everyone paused their fascination to glance at Prowl. He looked mucho pinched faced.
"Shall we continue?" Prowl said.
"We're trying to but you keep interrupting," Springer said to Prowl.
Prowl frowned at Prime who couldn't stifle all of his guffaw then gave a severe expression to the gathered. "Yes. Well let's keep going, shall we?"
After a moment of monkey motion figuring out who was up and who came next, they began to plow forward.
=0=Downfield
Ratchet and his team were coming along fine. Ratchet was killing the game driving under par for every hole from the beginning to this, the tenth. Nearby were fruit trees in bloom and the soft buzz of bees on the blossoms could be heard when the silence dropped.
Tie had whacked the ball just as well, a completely surprising turn of events no one had seen coming. Even in the control booth they were struggling to figure it out…
"So he never played golf before but he's one under par for the entire course they've played thus far per hole. That makes him ten under par," a sportscaster said. "This is a hard course, rated difficult by every golfing association on Earth. Yet here they are, the two of them," he concluded with mystification.
"We have a lot of games on Cybertron, some of them childhood. It gives you skills you never forget," Jazz said as they watched both Epps drive, then Ratchet.
The big mech walked up, eyeballed the free way down the fairway, then whacked the ball as hard as he could with no set up time or fuss. Ratchet watched it fly, then hit the ground rolling onto the green to stop short of the hole by about five feet. He smiled, curtsied to the crowd, then flipped his club to Docker.
She caught it, flipped it a couple of times, then drove it into the golf bag with a grin.
Ratchet grinned back, then picked her up along with the bag. "Allow me, my Queen."
Docker hugged him as they walked onward passing the Epps' balls as they both headed to the green down the way where theirs lay. It would be highly amusing for them to wait on the green for the Epps duo to catch up. Even though they'd changed back to normal partners, they would soon go back the other way. It wouldn't help either Epps one bit.
Meanwhile …
He putted as gently as he could, then watched the ball miss the cup by inches. It rolled to the left where it paused to taunt him. Ironhide stared at it, then slammed the ground with his club. It bent in the most amusing manner as he gripped it in his servo.
"Well, that was … almost a hole in one. Of course you hook-" Blackjack began.
"ARGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Meanwhile …
Prowl grinned. "Ironhide missed an easy putt and broke a club on the ground. Isn't there a penalty for that?"
Prime grinned. "I do believe there is." With that, he began to walk back down the fairway after alerting the judges that an infraction had happened and he was coming to the ninth hole to judge it.
Everyone began to converge on the scene.
Blackjack made his putt after two tries, then was walking to Alor to hand him the club when Prime came over the rise.
"Frag. What does HE want?" Ironhide muttered with malice aforethought.
Prime reached them along with a roving camera to film the interaction. "I was told there was an egregious breach of sportsmanship just now."
Everyone stared at Prime, then everyone turned toward Ironhide.
Ironhide glanced back with surprise, then bulldogged sternness. "WHAT!?"
"I heard that you broke a club in a display of bad sportsmanship that could set a very bad precedence for the infants watching this tourney."
Ironhide glared at Prime. "Slagger. Don't you have something to do?"
"I do. I have to judge the severity of the incident and assess punishment," Prime said with a big smile on his handsome face.
Everyone everywhere on planets throughout galaxies smiled with him.
"I understand that there's a victim of the incident. I'd like to see this egregious act of malice aforethought, Please," Prime said.
Alor pulled out of the golf bag for Ironhide a bent and broken club.
Prime studied it, then handed it back. "That's rather shocking."
"Why?" Ironhide asked.
"Well, it was an unsuspecting club that was only doing its job and it was killed, murdered even by you," Prime said with a big grin on his face.
Ironhide turned to face Prime directly. "You're enjoying this, slagger. You and your slagging rules WHICH YOU MADE UP LAST NIGHT TO FRAG WITH THE HUMANS!"
Prime chuckled. "Be that as it may, Ironhide …"
HUGE laughter erupted as everyone watched the King of an interplanetary empire rip his best friend and personally chosen body guard a new one. You would NEVER see this level of fun and relatability from a single politician on Earth. Ever. It was delicious to everyone watching with the possible exception being Ironhide.
"Atar?"
Everyone glanced at Genesis who with Quadrus was helping caddy for their old dad.
"What kind of penalty will you get for breaking the club? I can get you a new one," Genesis said solemnly.
There was an awww moment for the sweet kid before Prime returned to problem one, fragging Ironhide in the aft.
Ironhide grinned at the two boys, then turned to Prime. "There. You went and done it. You made children cry."
"I have not even started, Ironhide," Prime said with a chuckle. "Since breaking the club is bad sportsmanship and in a relative line with hitting someone on the head with a golf ball, we will apply that rule."
"WHAT RULE!? WHAT THE FRAG IS THE RULE!?" Ironhide asked.
"The rule states that if you hit someone on the head with a ball, you have to lose all of the holes you played to go to the hole where you find Ironhide and hold his servo until your time to play comes around. You keep your strokes but you have to play forward again wherever he is," Alor said. "Right?" he asked Prime.
"What the frag?" Ironhide asked. "I'm right here. How can I lose a hole I'm on while I hold my own hand?"
"You can do it," Blackjack said with a snicker. "I believe in ya."
ROAR! Apparently the crowd did, too.
"You have to play this hole again. You get to keep your strokes. But you have to hold your own servo until you come up to play again," Prime said. "Show me, soldier."
Ironhide nearly complied out of habit to orders from superiors but caught himself in time. "You slagger."
"Hands. Hold them," Prime said with a big smile.
Ironhide stared at him, then slammed his fists together. He laced his fingers, then shook them in Prime's direction. "See?"
"I do, Ironhide," Prime said with a chuckle. "I hope you can show the people watching everywhere that you are not always a poor sport who likes to vandalize. Show them who you really are." With that, Prime began to walk back to his own play leaving everyone behind.
Ironhide watched him go, then glanced at his party. "Frag this if I'm going to hold my own servo."
"You would disobey a direct order from a Prime?" Alor asked.
"I would have to invoke if you do to save our family name from this endless shame," Blackjack said.
With a giant smile on his face.
Ironhide fumed but he held his own servo until his turn to play when he owuld nearly hit the dome itself with his drive. It would be the best drive of his game.
=0=In the back
They finally teed off, the Seeker contingents of which there were two. Starscream and Thundercracker were partnered with Brandon Clark and his dad, Jackson. Behind them, Rainmaker and Warlord were partnered with Ray Burrows, a doctor at Unidad and his father, a retired physician named Blake.
Thundercracker and Warlord were actually fans of the game and played golf regularly together becoming rather good in the process. Rainmaker and Starscream were 'enthusiastic amateurs'. Thundercracker and Warlord made very respectful drives. Then it was Starscream's turn.
He stood at the tee staring down the field, then gazed at the ball. "What a strange thing hitting a ball down a field to tap it into a hole." He glanced at Thundercracker. "I'm expecting you to keep score however that means anything. I refuse to learn." He looked back, then whacked the ball hard. It went halfway down the fairway to land. "Well, that's looking rather well." He grinned, then handed his club to Saber, Rainmaker's youngest son who was his caddy.
"I plan to beat you, Starscream," Rainmaker said as he stood on the tee to take his shot. He did so and it was a good one. Landing close to Starscream's own but short of Thundercracker and Warlord, they began to saunter down the field to move it alone. It would be a very humorous round with their group.
=0=Nearing the end
It was several hours later, nearly five when Ratchet landed on the eighteenth green. His ball rolled and rolled, then sunk into the cup. His stroke had been a hole-in-one. It would be the only one of the day.
The crowd went nuts.
Back behind them, Prowl listened to the crowd swoon. "Did you think it a good idea to let them play through? Loon seems to have a knack at this."
Prime grinned as he watched his caddy remove the flag from the cup for his putt. "I remember why he might be good at this but for now, let me sink this putt."
He walked to the ball, took the usual measurements, then sank the putt. It was a long one but it rolled exactly where he guessed it would.
Roar!
Prowl would take two shots to get his score.
=0=At the end of the road
Ratchet and his party sat on chairs at the pavilion that was the ending point of the course. A cafe area was nearby and a bar that brought drinks and food to your table if you were human. He felt fabulous and when he tallied his card, he signed it. Sitting back, he grinned. "The humans say that when you really know something it doesn't matter the time passing. Its like riding a horse. You always remember."
"You're a superb example of that, Sonny," Docker said as she sat on a chair at the table on the big patio. They would stay there until the punters wrapped it up, then wander back to the Resort with the others for the scoring and winner announcements.
It would be a funny and pleasant interlude.
=0=Several hours later
Pulsar had collected the data wafers that held everyone's score. With Gavin Pritchard and his father, they gathered together at a table in the garden patio nearby to go over them. Everyone waited, those who were in other places ambled there and the air was expectant. Everyone waited on pins and needles.
Finally, the judges rose to walk to the presentation area where Pulsar called everyone together. It grew intensely silent as he began to speak. "My name is Pulsar of Torus States and I manage the golf course for the colony here at Autobot City. I have with the help of my two fellow judges, Gavin and Malcolm Pritchard of the United Kingdom tallied the cards to find the winners in the various categories of this, the first hopefully annual Father-Son Father's Day Tournament at The Resort at Autobot City."
Huge applause.
"There are a number of categories of winning and each has a trophy which the Judys have been asked to help distribute. Unless its relevant I won't tell the scores here. They'll be posted on the IntraCom website and the Community Bulletin Board in the sports folders. I will now announce the winners and have their trophies presented," Pulsar said, "starting with the third place winner. That team of humans and Cybertronians includes Sunstreaker and Sideswipe of Kaon with Glenn Morshower and his son, James of Earth."
Huge applause as they moved forward to take an award which Judy Witwicky held. It was covered with a cloth which Judy Fulton would remove and she did. Huge laughter came with the unveiling. The trophy was of Ratchet driving a golf cart with clubs rattling around in the back. He looked his usual smiling self and he held a drink in his servo as he drove along lickety split.
Morshower took it, then held it up with the other three. "Thank you, Pulsar. I will treasure it always." He'd have to make a schedule for it to be held by the twins half the time and his own son.
"Second place belongs to Optimus Prime of Iacon and Prowl of Praxus. Given that their Lennox teammates were penalized and had to start over with a near doubling of their strokes for the total game, it belongs to the two mechs fully," Pulsar said as Prime nudged Prowl to get it.
Prowl glanced side-eye at Prime, then walked forward. He paused beside Pulsar and braced himself. He was given the trophy by the Judys. He frowned.
The trophy was Cybertron on a stand with Ratchet on the top balancing on one ped in the most comical manner after having whacked the ball. He was the biggest and boxiest ballerina he'd ever seen and the smile on his face with pure loon. "This is … what I expected."
RIOTOUS laughter took that as Prowl walked to Prime with a smirk.
Ratchet smiled and waved madly at Prowl who laughed anyway.
"Finally, first place goes to Ratchet and Tie Down of Iacon and their partners, Gerard and Miles Hanby of Earth who are residents of Unidad and rather accomplished golfers on Earth, I'm told," Pulsar said as the Judys gave them the trophy. "Ratchet is the score winner at 19 under par for the course. Tie Down is 17 under par."
HUGE cheering and marveling commenced.
The trophy was Ratchet standing on a comet getting ready to putt a ball. It was as wacky and fully colored as the other two. It was happily received by both. They would take turns sharing it with Ratchet and Tie.
"We have a couple of other trophies for categories that bespeak to the heart of this tournament," Pulsar said with a chuckle. "The first one is for the Highest Score in the tournament. That trophy goes to Will and Jonathan Lennox, Springer of Polyhex and Drift of Kaon. The scores of the Lennox duo are 135 and 122 respectively," he said to great laughter. "Springer's score was 302 with Drift at 289."
Huge laughter and mockery greeted them as they claimed their prize, a silver calculator on a stand. They smirked at Prime and Ratchet and got smirks back.
"The next trophy belongs to Rainmaker, Starscream, Warlord and Thundercracker. Its the Seeker Inspirational award for talent above and beyond duty," Pulsar said as he read his notes.
Starscream walked up to claim it. "I can relate to this," he said as the crowd laughed wildly. He brought it back to the others who were laughing loudly. He smirked at Ratchet who smirked back. Their trophy was four familiar Seekers jammed into a wildly driving golf cart trailing bottles and empty martini glasses behind them.
"Now at last, we have our final prize. The prize goes to Hercy of Helex and Kup of Polyhex. They haven't got a father to join them but they're considered fathers of their country," Pulsar said to huge laughter. "Its my very great privilege and honor to award you with the Best Sport trophy of the tournament, The Prowl."
It was silent a moment, then Prowl nearly stepped out of his own exoskeleton to turned around on Ratchet. "WHAT THE FRAG!?" he bellowed as he launched himself on Ratchet.
=0=TBC 06-30-2021 07-04-2021
ESL:
egregious: (EEE-grEEE-jus) something that is very bad