Okay, you know what bothers me? i have this idea of Zack being all depressed and angsty and stuff and i post my first chapter, and then i look at fanfiction and2 weeks later and there are other stories about an angsty zack. one sounds EXACTLY like the beginning of mine. well anyways, the story.

CHAPTER 4

I ran into the suite. "Mom? Cody?" I called out. No answer. Good. Now I can get straight to work.

I went into the bathroom, and searched for a razor. I found one, so I snapped it in half, and gently took out the fresh sharp blade, and blindly slit my wrist multiple times, ignoring the other scars all over my wrist. The blood spilled out freely, leaking down my arm and onto the floor, reminding me of kool-aid. I switched arms, and did the same thing, but slower, so I could enjoy the sensation better. I loved the feeling, of being in control, watching the blood continuously spill onto the floor. I wanted to let all the blood pour out- it was such a refreshing feeling, so I made a couple more cuts, but then I realized I would probably kill myself if I didn't stop the blood flow, so after a few minutes, I regretfully pressed a black towel (so no one could see any blood stains) to my wrists hard, stinging in pain. Eventually the blood stopped, and I could clean the blood up off the floor.

Suddenly, I felt drained. I always did after I cut myself, because of all the blood loss. Sometimes I feel as if it's the best part, feeling so woozy and tired that I have no choice but go to sleep and forget about my sad life.

And it's even more depressing that my life really isn't that bad. I live in a luxury hotel, I have a mom and brother, and I have friends. But I can't shake the depression… or the habit of slicing open my wrists. I like it too much to stop. I like my friendship with blades, and my interest in blood. Ok, so I'm a little messed up. A lot messed up. Most people cry when they're upset, or even drink, but no, not me. I have to be abnormal. The messed up twin.

I crawled into bed, and passing out almost immediately.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

I woke up again, at three in the morning. This was the absolute worst part about cutting. Waking up again, and having it all rush back to you. Not just the most recent thing, but everything- life. The most painful being dad's death and my most recent incident with Maddie.

Normally dad would be the one I could call in the middle of the night, just to ask him a question about relationships, girlfriends, or even just support, or to hear his voice. But he was gone now, and there's nothing I could do to get him back, no matter how many doses of extacy I can take- the 'happy pill', most call it- and I agree.

Waking up again means remembering that I am a screw up and am going no where in life, will never be anyone, and never have a purpose. I can't ever measure up to Cody, even though mom says not to compare myself to him, she does constantly. It causes a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and won't leave, knowing I'll probably die and no one will really notice, since I really am a screw up and everyone knows it.

Suddenly, I sat up in bed, wondering if John was out on Gristol Street tonight. He usually sold extacy cheap enough for me to buy it.

That drug aka the 'happy pill' lets me be happy for about 6 hours, its amazing. Of course the after effects I hear aren't the best, but screw that. It's supposed to cause anger, violence, and depression mainly. Um, hello? That's me in a nutshell, so when I first took it I figured I had nothing to lose. Plus, I was going to have to die somehow (probably sooner rather than later), whether it be ODing or accidentally slicing open an artery.

Without thinking, I was already pulling on my jeans, and sneaking out of the suite so I wouldn't wake Cody or mom. But in the lobby, I ran into someone I didn't expect.

Moseby. He was organizing the welcome desk and looked up when he heard me. He walked over to talk to me, with a suspicious look on his face.

"Zack? What are you doing going out this late? Three o'clock in the morning? Does your mother know?"

What could I say? If I said yes, he'd know I was lying. "Not exactly…."

"That's what I thought. March right back up to your suite, young man."

I looked at him like he was crazy, and turned to walk towards the exit. He can't control what I do.

He grabbed my wrist, to stop me from leaving. "You aren't going out this late, it's dangerous."

He tightened his grip on my wrist, and I hissed in pain. Normally it wouldn't hurt at all… but the gashes I made in my arms earlier today….

He looked at me curiously when I made a sound of pain, so he loosened his grip and glanced down.

I looked to see what he was looking at. There was blood through my T-shirt. My heart dropped down to my stomach, I was sure it stopped beating, since my breath came to a halt. I closed my eyes for a moment, and when I opened them again, I focused on something to the left of Mr. Moseby's head, slightly dizzy. He was going to find out about the cuts on my arm.

"You're bleeding through you're shirt, it must be a bad cut. Let me take a look at it." I tried to pull my arm away from him, but he held on. Mr. Moseby pulled up my sleeve caringly, and I continued to stare, perfectly still, at the object to the left of his head.

I heard him gasp, and I didn't move, with a vacant look on my face. I didn't answer when he asked questioningly and shocked, "Zack?"

As if I would tell him why I did it. I don't think he expected me to, either.

Finally, after a pregnant pause, he said, "you know I'll have to tell your mother."

With that, I broke away from him, and ran out the door into the night. It seemed like I was always running these days. I run away from my problems, I ran away from Maddie, I run away from my family, and I'm running now.

Life was going too fast for me to keep up. I wanted to always stay a kid, I didn't want to live in a world with death, and heartbreak, and expectations of me, and suicide, and depression. I hated how nothing was really wrong with my life, but I made small things into something big, and now look what happened…

Mom will find out about my cutting, and Cody, and then my friends and my life will be even worse…before I knew it I was at the bench that Maddie and I were at two nights ago.

I sat down, and put my head put my head in my hands. I couldn't help it, but I let out a small sob, I couldn't help but… cry. It was all too much to bear in one night.

A/N: Longer chapter than last time, I really hope you liked it. The chapters will be about this length from now on. I ask just one small little thing from you…

PLEASE REVIEW! Even if it's one word, I'll know that my work is appreciated.

And I now figured out exactly what is going to happen in each chapter, and the ending. It's unexpected.

review please?