Much of the ride back to Fort Salem was held in silence, Tally couldn't make eye contact with anyone but Sarah because of how rashly she had acted before disappearing. She was embarrassed and ashamed and she felt that had Sarah had her memories back she'd be disappointed in her.
So Tally kept her head down and brooded but Sarah placed her hand on Tally's head in reassurance at the feelings coming through their bond. She wasn't feeling them completely but they were there just at the surface.
Pulling her hand away she then slid it into Tally's, their rings brushing up against each other as if they'd been missing the other. Tally pouted and buried her face into Sarah's arm and if Sarah felt her silent tears she didn't show it, nor did she care.
Even without her memories Sarah was ever the white knight to Tally, protecting her at all costs even if that meant letting her feel her feelings with Sarah's body as a shield. Meanwhile, Sarah just stared at Abigail and Raelle who felt ever the awkward duo with the site in front of them and couldn't handle the ex-general's unwavering staredown.
Once they had reached Fort Salem all Tally wanted to do was go lay down in their bed but there was so much they had to discuss. Not to mention whatever repercussions were laying in wait for her actions. She knew that just because she was Abigail's unit her mom wasn't going to go that easy on her.
But for now they were being sent to the infirmary to be looked at and cleared to return to whatever it was that came next. Before they head off towards the infirmary Raelle had placed her hand on Tally's shoulder to reassure her, the redhead still couldn't make eye contact but Raelle softly soothed some of her anxiety, "We're not mad at you Tally, we're just glad you're okay. Both of you."
Abigail came up behind Raelle and with a smile she assured her as well, "Don't worry, Tal, everything is going to be okay. We missed you."
Tally choked out a sob and nodded into Sarah's arm before Sarah nodded at the two of them and they were escorted to the infirmary.
The Fort Salem grounds felt familiar to Sarah but she still couldn't remember them, but it felt like coming home and she felt both happy and sad as she crossed the grounds to the infirmary. The curious looks of war college students and soldiers following them as they went.
Of course they were given a clean bill of health, although Sarah could use some vitamin supplements as her body was still adjusting to eating food again. Izadora had shown up before they were even allowed to leave, a smile on her face as she saw the still alive Sarah Alder. A look of pride and relief on her face at seeing her old friend alive.
"Izadora? How are the biddies? Uh, I mean, the girls, how are they?" Tally looked at her with concern.
"They've all adjusted fine. There hasn't been any residual effects of the unbiddying like with your own. I guess that was just all you, Craven," Izadora said that last part with amusement, "But perhaps when you are feeling up to it ma'am you can come by my office sometime and we can run some tests. I was informed of your amnesia…"
"You're not going to make her your guinea pig are you?" Tally shot daggers at her.
"Well, we can't exactly figure out what's going on if we don't run some tests," Izadora assured her.
"What's there to understand? She sacrificed herself for all of us, again, and lost her biddies and her memories. She can't even remember how to use her Work! Hasn't she suffered enough!?" Tally began to cry, furiously wiping away at her falling tears.
"I promise you, Tally, it's just a few harmless tests. I would never make Sarah suffer. She's my friend too and I've known her a lot longer than you. So believe me, all I want is to help her."
As this exchange was going on Sarah couldn't help but get stuck on the words Tally had uttered.
Hasn't she suffered enough?
Suffer.
No more wars. No more suffering.
Someone had said that to her but she couldn't remember who and the more she tried to remember the more her head began to hurt her. She rolled her neck as her brows pinched together in pain. All she had remembered was darkness and this voice, a voice she didn't know who it belonged to.
Tally and Izadora were still too busy arguing to notice Sarah's discomfort and as the pain increased she clutched at her head and slipped from her position on the bed to the floor. Clutching at her head as she pressed it into the coldness of the tiles underneath her and she choked out a sob which drew the attention of Tally and Izadora.
Tally ran to her side in a panic, "Sarah, what's wrong!?"
"My head, it's killing me."
Izadora knelt next to her to raise her hand to take some of the pain away but Sarah flinched away and into Tally's arms. She suddenly felt like a stranger in a foreign land and being with Tally felt like home.
"I was only going to try and take away some of your pain, Sarah."
Sarah looked at her with panicked eyes, looking so unlike herself, "It's okay, I'm fine, it's subsiding. I'd just rather like to go lay down now. If that's okay?"
Izadora nodded and nodded back to the fixers who had rushed in at the sound of Tally's panicked voice. Tally helped her stand to her feet and supported her with an arm around her waist and a shoulder to lean on.
"I will let General Bellweather know that you both require rest and that perhaps tomorrow would be best for any meetings to happen."
Tally nodded, "Thank you, Izadora."
Tally managed to get them back to their room without any further disruptions, Tally delicately sitting Sarah on their bed. She knelt at Sarah's feet and untied her shoes and set them aside, rolling off her socks and throwing them aside.
Tally left her side for a few minutes to gather clothes to sleep in and Sarah tiredly marveled at the little knick knacks lining the walls and the room. She couldn't quite remember them but they felt warm to her. She marveled at the painting of herself that hung on the wall and tried to imagine herself there but it was like looking at another person.
When Tally returned with clothes in hand, "Are you okay to change on your own? I just wanted to freshen up in the bathroom really quickly."
Sarah nodded and took the clothes from her and Tally smiled and ran into the bathroom. Sarah sluggishly changed into the sweatpants and shirt that Tally had given her, tossing her clothes to the ground without a care.
It felt like Tally was taking an awfully long time in the bathroom and it started to worry Sarah so she managed all her strength and made her way to the bathroom door and knocked lightly but no sound came.
She pushed the door open and was met with a sobbing Tally on the floor, Sarah crossed the room and knelt beside her, "Tally? What's wrong?"
Tally gasped in surprise, having not heard the other woman come in and she tried to wipe away the tears but Sarah stopped her, "You don't need to hide your tears from me, Tally, you don't have to keep being strong for me. You can cry. Be angry. Be sad. Just let it all out if you want."
"But, I have to be strong for you, Sarah." Tally tried to choke back a sob but she was losing a battle with herself.
"And that's okay but you can still let it all out," despite her exhaustion Sarah held her arms wide open for her and Tally launched herself into her arms and sobbed.
Sarah rubbed her back as she cried and when the crying quieted she leaned back and wiped the tears from her eyes, "Come now, lets go to bed. I think we could both use it."
Tally nodded and stood on shaky legs, "How's your head? I'm sorry I just made this all about me again while you were in pain."
Sarah paused and grabbed a cup off the shelf and filled it with water from the sink and then chugged it, she then refilled it and handed it to Tally, "I'm sure all that crying must've dehydrated you. Drink," Tally took it from her hands and chugged it too, "My head doesn't hurt as much as it was before. Being close to you helps."
Sarah took the cup from her hands and put it back on the shelf and then led her back to the bed where they both laid down. Sarah chuckled, "We have a rather small bed."
Tally gave a tired laugh, "I keep saying."
Once they were situated in the bed, Tally holding Sarah from behind for once, she sighed content as she nestled her nose into Sarah's hair, "I'm sorry, this must all be overwhelming for you."
"Very. I don't know how I've managed for over three hundred years, I mean literally I don't know how. This place has such a sense of familiarity and yet sadness to it. But you Tally, you feel like home, so I'm grateful to have some sort of beacon while I try to find my footing," Sarah squeezed the hand wrapped around her.
"I promised you once that I would help you carry your burdens, that I'd never leave you and I'll be with you for however long you'll have me."
"Thank you, Tally."
It wasn't long after that Sarah had fallen asleep and Tally kissed the back of her head, she knew that with the weight of the truth being Sarah Alder was weighing heavily on the woman. She wondered if it would have been better to just run away together and never look back.
Tally soon fell asleep after her, the exhaustion of the last few days catching up to the both of them.
When Tally woke the next morning she found the bed empty, luckily she heard the shower running before she could have a panic attack about a missing Sarah.
But a sob came from the bathroom and Tally was immediately on her feet and rushing into the bathroom, "Sarah!?"
Running over to the shower she found a naked Sarah huddled in the floor underneath the water, Tally didn't think, she just stripped herself of her clothes and joined her under the warm water, "Sarah, what's wrong?"
The older woman scrambled into her arms and Tally accepted her without question, she'd never seen her like this before. At this moment she realized this was the least Sarah Alder she'd ever seen her. Or was this really the inner Sarah that she had buried deep down inside that nobody ever got to see?
Tally held her while she trembled and sobbed and clung to her like she was her lifeline. She didn't press her any further about what was wrong, she figured she'd tell her in her own time.
"I'm sorry. I was fine until standing here. I had this sense of familiarity and then I had this flash of, well I think a memory from my past. Women, burning and this feeling of utter grief," Sarah clung to her tighter, her nose buried in her shoulder.
"It's okay, I'm here," once Sarah had calmed Tally had disentangled herself from Sarah and stood helping the other woman to her feet, "Since I'm in here now, lets get cleaned up and then we'll go get something to eat before we face the music?"
Sarah nodded and took a deep breath as she blushed trying to keep her gaze up and Tally caught it and smiled, "Sarah, it's okay to look. I am your wife after all."
Sarah let herself look her up and down and grinned, "I am a very lucky wife."
Tally laughed and reached for the shampoo, they washed each other's hair and each other's bodies. Once they were done and dried, Tally found some of their clean clothes. She wasn't sure if she should be dressing in uniform or not since she really wasn't sure how this was going to go so they both dressed in simple jeans and t-shirts.
Grabbing their coats they made their way to the mess hall to eat, the looks that followed them were nothing new. Sarah was quiet which was not unlike her but Tally felt her uncomfortableness of the eyes on them. Tally reassured her by fitting her hand into hers and squeezing it tight which dragged a smile from Sarah's lips.
When they got to the mess hall all eyes were on them once they made it inside, Tally nodded and Sarah looked at anything else but those staring. Raelle and Abigail flagged them down to come join them at their table.
They walked over to their table and as Sarah sat Tally stayed standing, "I'll get us something to eat," she smiled and walked off leaving Sarah with Abigail and Raelle.
Raelle took pity on her and tried conversation, "How does it feel being back at Fort Salem? I mean without your memories and all?"
Sarah looked at her quietly as she contemplated her answer and fidgeted with her hands, "Terrifying and overwhelming."
Raelle nodded and looked at Abigail who really had no idea what to say in this situation but they were saved from any further conversation with Tally's return. Bowls of oatmeal in hand, she handed over the steaming bowl of oatmeal and a spoon to Sarah while Tally sat with a smile, "I figured since your stomach might be trying to get used to food still that oatmeal should be okay. Don't worry it's all organic, but if it's too much on you just let me know, I'm sure the kitchen wouldn't mind trying to fix you something else."
"Thank you, Tally. I'm sure this will be fine."
Raelle and Abigail smiled at each other and then back at the pair of them who were completely oblivious to their reactions. It was kind of strange seeing Tally taking care of Alder this way, honestly this whole situation was strange but Tally was happy and Alder was safe and that was all that mattered.
Abigail took a bite of her food before focusing on Tally, "So you going to go meet with my mom today?"
Tally deflated at the thought, "Yes, I have to face the music eventually. But in my defense I didn't just make that portal appear. It just kind of happened. The walking through part was totally all me."
"It was foolish, you had no idea where that could've taken you," Abigail's tone turned stern and Tally shrunk her chair.
"Geez, Abigail, starting me off for you mom already?"
Sighing Abigail set her fork down and folded her hands, "Tally you know we were just worried for you. And you know that Sarah, Sarah with her memories, would be so angry at you for doing something so stupid like that. I don't care if you went against my mothers orders. We were just worried about your safety."
"I know and I appreciate it, I just couldn't…I…."
Raelle leaned over and squeezed her hand, "We know, people do crazy things when they're in love. And you two are the craziest."
Tally giggled and looked over at Sarah who was mid bite when all eyes were on her, "What?"
"How's your stomach? Is the food okay?"
"I…yes, I feel fine and this is fine," Sarah nodded and took a small bite of her oatmeal and Tally could feel a small feeling in their bond of happiness from Sarah. She liked Tally taking care of her.
Normally Sarah was the one used to taking care of people, she rarely let anyone take care of her, she was stubborn. And after three hundred years of only having yourself it was easy to forget to let others take care of you. Tally hoped that if Sarah got her memories back that she wouldn't be so stubborn about letting her take care of her. They were married after all, they're meant to take care of each other.
Tally just smiled and watched Sarah eat and Abigail scoffed, "Even with Sarah not having her memories you guys are sickeningly sweet."
"Yes, well, she's still my wife, besides I like taking care of her," Tally smiled over at Sarah who only smiled back and then took a bite of her oatmeal.
Abigail just rolled her eyes and went back to eating, the rest of breakfast consisting of small talk and Sarah just quietly eating and keeping her head down so as to not make eye contact with anyone in the room.
As soon as they were finished Tally gathered their dishes, which Sarah tried to protest but Tally wouldn't have it, and took them to be washed. Tally sighed on her return, "Shall we?"
"Hey, don't let my mom bully you too badly!" Abigail shouted behind them as they left the mess hall.
Sarah and Tally walked the grounds, the redhead reaching her hand out and grasping Sarah's in her own, "Are you okay?"
"I don't like that it feels like everyone is watching me all the time. Being here makes my skin crawl."
Tally pulled her into a hug, "I'm sorry. People can't help it. I mean there's national landmarks with your face on them. And you did save all of Fort Salem not too long ago and now people are seeing us together. It's just a lot for people to take in. Whatever happens, you have me, I'm not leaving your side."
Sarah nodded as she clutched at Tally as she grounded her to that spot, "I'm sorry, Tally, for causing you so much worry."
"Sarah, please don't apologize. I only worry because I care, with or without your memories, you're still my Sarah."
Sarah pulled away and nodded again, "I will try my best."
Tally leaned up and pressed a kiss to her cheek which caused Sarah to blush lightly and they resumed their walk hand in hand to Petra's office. Which was Sarah's old office. Sarah stiffened when they reached the door. She felt on edge and her skin crawled, like this place was familiar to her and held so much in it that it would overwhelm and consume her.
Tally squeezed her hand tighter before knocking on the door, Petra's voice answering them to enter. When they entered Petra was busy signing documents. Tally briefly remembered the times she saw Sarah behind that desk and sadness shot through Tally and Sarah felt it squeezing her hand back in reassurance.
"Please sit," Petra looked up from her paperwork.
Sarah and Tally broke apart and sat in their respective chairs in front of the desk, Sarah had nothing to say considering she honestly didn't know who the woman sitting in front of her was but Tally held her tongue and just waited.
"I've heard from Abigail that Sarah no longer has her memories? Is this true?"
Tally nodded, "Yes, ma'am, when I found her in the Cession she had no idea who I was."
Petra nodded and turned to Sarah, "This is true?"
Sarah glared, "Considering I have no idea who you are or why I should care, yes I don't have any memories of this place. All I know is there is this connection between Tally and I and that's the only thing that feels familiar to me."
"And Tally what do you have to say for your actions earlier?"
Tally gulped before responding, "In my defense it wasn't my intention for whatever that portal was to pop up, it just kind of happened and I knew I had to go through it to find her. She saved us all, again, I had to try and save her."
"Be that as it may, I'm going to have to suspend you for a small time. You may be a part of my daughter's unit but what you did was reckless."
Tally nodded, "I understand ma'am."
"As for you Sarah, since you were going to be retired anyways and after saving Fort Salem once again….considering you have no memories. I would suppose you are free to do whatever you want. But I'd still caution you with the fact that the Camarilla would still be after you if they realize you're still alive."
Sarah nodded in return.
"Um, ma'am, if I may? Since I'll be suspended, can I try and train Sarah? She doesn't remember how to use any of her work and I'd just feel more comfortable if she could at least defend herself again."
"That's not really how suspension works, Tally. But nonetheless, I'll allow it only if you do it in private. I don't want anyone knowing of this alright? And let Izadora check you two out, see if there's any reason behind Sarah's memory loss," Petra sighed, "For what it's worth, I am glad that the two of you are alright. Dismissed."
"Thank you, ma'am," Tally stood and Sarah was right behind her, Petra watching as they left hand in hand again.
Once they were out the door Sarah felt herself let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding in. Tally looked at her worriedly, "Are you okay? If you need a break before we go and visit Izadora we can go for a walk?"
"No, I'm okay, let's just get this over with."
Tally had them take the long route to the Necro building to give Sarah a few extra minutes to compose herself. When they found Izadora she was scanning through a book in her office, perking right up as she saw Tally and Sarah enter.
"Sorry to interrupt, ma'am. General Bellweather sent us, I'm assuming you've already heard about Sarah's amnesia?"
Izadora immediately shut her book and looked at them with glee, "Yes, I'm aware. I was told you happened across some information in the Cession about some possibilities for how the biddies were able to live and revert back to their original ages?"
"I…yes," while Tally explained it to Izadora, Sarah found herself drawn to the mycelium wall.
She stared at it like she knew it, she wanted to reach out and touch it, she felt like it was calling to her. Singing to her, soothing her. She wasn't sure how long she'd been standing there but she was shaken with Tally looking at her with worried eyes.
"Sarah, are you okay? Where'd you go?"
It took a few minutes for Sarah to get a hold of herself, "I….what?"
"You were just standing there, staring at the mycelium for like 5 minutes. I couldn't get through to you."
"Mycelium? Is that what this is called? I feel like I've felt it before, it's presence. Before I woke up at Judy's and remembered nothing, I remember this presence though."
Izadora studied her for a minute and then looked back to the mycelium, "Perhaps your amnesia is because of the mycelium? I'm not sure how, considering she's here. But Cadet Collar had explained how you had created the mycelium from your grief and it was a place where dead witches go. If you maybe had died or were on the brink of death when you sacrificed yourself while fighting the Camarilla and the witch plague, maybe she had something to do with it. And as Craven was telling me of this legend of a great warrior's sacrifice, perhaps your sacrifice as well is what gave the biddies their lives back. It's all very interesting."
"Well, I'm glad someone does," Sarah scoffed.
Izadora ran her tests and asked her questions and despite it all she came to the conclusion that either Sarah's memories would return on their own or not at all but if she came up with anything new she'd let them know.
Sarah and Tally were exhausted as they went for lunch, again Tally getting their meals for them. They ate alone but in comfortable silence except for Tally checking to make sure the food was okay with Sarah's stomach.
Afterwards they went for a walk around the base, stopping at an old tree which caught Sarah's attention. It was big and old and Sarah didn't know why it felt like visiting an old friend, she felt Tally's hand in hers and her other hand suddenly wiping tears she hadn't felt.
"Are you okay?"
Sarah looked at her with fear in her eyes and then back to the tree, "I…I don't know. I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me."
"You don't need to apologize Sarah, this has been your home for over three hundred years, even if you don't remember it. It's bound to make you feel out of sorts. How about we go take a nap before dinner, hmm?"
Sarah nodded and with one final look back at the tree they made their way back across base to their quarters where tiredness settled over Sarah like she hadn't known she'd been carrying it all day. They hung their coats and Sarah sat and undid her boots, by the time Tally had hers off Sarah was already passed out on the bed. Tally laid on the bed behind her and wrapped her arm around her and sighed, "Sweet dreams, Sarah."
With a kiss to the back of her head Tally nuzzled into her hair and fell asleep not soon after.