A/N: Someone asked whether this story will be only set in the past or cover the HP timeline as well. The answer is the latter, although the sequel will be posted as a different story (and it will take me a while to get there). This story was actually conceived as a simple background for that other story, and originally I was only going to write five chapters, but of course I am incapable of writing only five chapters of anything. And the ideas I have for Lily and Severus... it is just so interesting to explore how their relationship could have been and how it could have affected the war.

Thank you very much for all the great reviews, there's no better motivation for me than to know someone is enjoying what comes out of my head and looking forward to more.

Chapter 3 - To want it all

Severus had thought he would never recover from the humiliation of being suspended upside down with his bare legs for everyone to see while half the school laughed at him. It had been by far the worst moment of his life, not only due to the humiliation but also, and especially, due to the fact that Potter had done it, using Severus' own original spell, and that Lily had witnessed his weakness.

Unbelievably, however, by the next day he had concluded that the whole ordeal had been completely worth it. The memory still stung, of course, and his already existing resolution of someday destroying Potter and Black in the most gruesome, painful way had been branded with Fiendfyre deep inside his soul, but he wouldn't change what had happened for anything in the world now that he was enjoying the unexpected results.

He had kissed Lily.

She had kissed him back.

She not only loved him, she wanted him. She fancied him, Severus. Not Potter, not anyone else. Him.

He had gotten to kiss her, touch her, taste her. He had driven her insane with desire.

Lily was his.

Severus had won. Potter had lost.

And that wasn't all.

While he had almost lost Lily calling her a Mudblood, apparently it had been the right move to finally gain some acceptance from his fellow Slytherins. Severus had been bitterly aware since his first year that he lacked the pure blood, wealth, social standing or personal charm that allowed others to easily fit in, but he had not realized until now how much his friendship with Lily had affected his position within his own House. Removed that —at least in appearance— it suddenly seemed as if all his others disadvantages could be somewhat overlooked.

He had thought yesterday after the incident that it had been his publicly calling someone a Mudblood that had earned him some approval, but now he understood that it had been burning bridges with his unacceptable friend what had done the trick. Apparently his association with a Gryffindor Mudblood had always been a cause for mistrust in the eyes of his housemates, something that had made them question whether he was a true Slytherin or someone who would rather belong to another House. While Severus had known that hanging out with Lily didn't exactly further his Slytherin ambitions, he had not imagined repudiating her could make so much of a difference.

It turned out, it made all the difference.

Suddenly he found himself being invited to sit with older students of powerful families —all purebloods— that had never spoken a word to him but that seemed to have developed an interest in him overnight. Like Jugson and Wilkes, who had been unofficially running Slytherin House since Rosier had graduated last year and who all of a sudden wanted to know how Severus was doing in his exams and whether he needed help revising for some subject. Severus couldn't help to feel mistrustful and wary around people who treated him so condescendingly and who no doubt would shred him to pieces if they heard that he had declared his love to Lily, but he went along and soon he was feeling a lot more relaxed in their company. Though he would have preferred the subject not to be brought up, he didn't mind hearing Jugson suggest dark ways to get back at Potter and Back for messing with one of them, or promising to make sure that someone covered his back from now on. And while he didn't believe for a second Wilkes' claim that he had been about to intervene when the Mudblood had gotten in they way, Severus couldn't forget that Wilkes had, in the end, stepped in and saved him from the last stage of Potter's humiliation —the bastard had fully intended to vanish his pants, cheerfully encouraged by the crowd.

It wasn't easy to hear them slander Lily, though, nor to have to pretend to despise the likes of her —he could sense them watching him, testing him, so he had to look and sound convincingly disdainful—, especially when he could see her hurt expression across the hall. He hated not to be free to walk straight to her and kiss her senseless in front of Potter, to publicly claim her so everyone would know who she belonged to.

But no. He was fortunate enough that neither Lily, nor the portrait, nor McGonagall had spread the rumour of what had transpired last night between them. He would lose this newfound respect and support if Jugson and Wilkes even caught wind that Severus had been in Gryffindor tower begging to talk to the Mudblood, desperate to apologize. For now, it would have to be enough for him to know that Lily was his, that she had chosen him while she plainly despised Potter worse than ever.

And he would like to see those pricks coming after him now that he had the tentative protection of Slytherin's most influential members. Severus didn't like to have to rely on anyone, but it was a fact that at least until he gained more power he could use someone at his back. Until today no one, not even his mates Avery and Mulciber, had been willing to risk the mildest detention for him, but Jugson's words suggested that was about to change.

He received more confirmation over the weekend that his position within Slytherin House was shifting. While normally nobody paid him any attention, his revision was now being constantly interrupted by someone coming to offer him unsolicited —and unwanted— advice or help, or by Wilkes introducing him to some sixth year student. Even Avery and Mulciber were being more openly friendly than usual, clearly feeling more comfortable hanging out with him now that he wasn't a complete outcast.

Severus hated them all. He hated them for having always looked down on him, for the obvious insincerity of their friendly overtures, for the knowledge that they would turn against him if they suspected that he and Lily were actually closer than ever. Severus was no fool; he knew that there were no real friendships between Slytherins, only connections, associations, alliances. He knew no one really cared about him inside his House, that if some people were now pretending to befriend him it could only be because they saw something to be gained by it —probably his original spells—, but that was fine with him. He could play the game too, and the way he saw it he had more to gain by this farce than most of them.

So he played along, paid attention, pretended to be naive and oblivious. And most importantly, he pretended to hate the Mudblood he loved and desired.

The next week was surreal. Severus didn't try to approach Lily again, knowing that they both needed to focus on their OWLs, but he could feel their connection whenever they were in the same room, and he was hit by renewed waves of ecstatic triumph every time he met her blazing eyes. The desire to kiss her, to take her in his arms and explore every inch of her, was overwhelming, his fantasies more vivid than ever now that he had some real experience to fuel his imagination. Powerfully evocative memories of her lips, her tongue, her soft neck, the shape of her body, her ardour and heavy breathing, set his body constantly on fire, requiring him to jerk off an unhealthy number of times every day just to be able to think.

Despite his physical turmoil, however, he was doing better than ever in his exams, his confidence during practicals bolstered by the novel feeling of self-worth he was experiencing. He definitely impressed the examiners with his brewing technique and the more than perfect samples he submitted, and he was certain that he would blow the mind of whoever got to read his Arithmancy writing exam. He even did well in History of Magic, the exhilarating thought of dragging Lily into some dark, private alcove as soon as he finished his last exam aiding him against the soporific effect of ancient laws and Goblins' revolts, if not exactly helping him concentrate.

To his frustration, however, as he walked out of the Great Hall he realized that it would be quite tricky to meet with her without anyone knowing. He couldn't even approach her to arrange a rendezvous when there were people around to see and gossip, and Lily always was surrounded by people. Severus reflected that it would probably be wiser to wait until they were back in Cokeworth to —after some intense snogging behind their favourite tree by the stream— discuss their affair and decide on some way to communicate and on a place to meet next year, but even though the holidays were only a week away he realized he just couldn't wait that long to kiss her again.

So Severus resigned himself to stalk her from a prudent distance and wait for an opportunity to arise.

When curfew arrived he still hadn't managed to catch her alone, and it was driving him crazy to follow her around without being able to reach for her. Extremely frustrated, he was about to turn around and go back to the dungeons when he saw Lily waving off McDonald and Prewett... to attach herself instead to Lupin. Prefect duties, assumed Severus gritting his teeth.

The full moon was far away, but it still put him on edge the idea of Lily alone at night with a damned werewolf. That's why he had tried to warned her, last week he had even told her out right, but judging by her calm demeanour she still didn't take him seriously.

Although, he thought after following them for a while sliding from shadow to shadow, she didn't seem as friendly towards Lupin as she usually was, in fact she seemed to be pointedly ignoring him. Was she afraid? Severus felt suddenly uneasy. Maybe it would have been safer if she didn't know, so there would be no risk of Lupin feeling threatened by her.

"Damn right you should have!"

Lily's loud hiss as she turned angrily towards Lupin resounded in the corridor. Severus froze behind the statue of a humpbacked one-eye witch and drew his wand, his heart racing. Could Lily be so reckless as to confront a werewolf on her own without any witnesses around?

"You're a Prefect, Remus," she added indignantly.

"I know, I know," said Lupin, and Severus was relieved to see that his posture wasn't hostile. They must be arguing about something else. "I was wrong, Lily. I- I don't deserve my badge, I know that. I just... I have difficulty confronting James and Sirius. They are my friends-"

"They are bullies, Remus. And I have to say, it doesn't speak very well of you the fact that you call those idiots friends and let them do whatever they want."

Sudden comprehension dawned in Severus' brain. Lily was angry at Lupin because he never did anything to stop Potter and Black when they went after him. She had called them bullies and idiots, just like the other day had called Potter an arrogant toerag. It had bothered Severus before to have her jumping in his defence while he was being publicly humiliated, but now it felt actually quite pleasant. He would never tire of hearing her speak ill of Potter.

Victory was so sweet.

"They are not that bad," was saying Lupin, clearly trying to excuse the inexcusable. "I mean... they have good and bad qualities. They are good friends to me. Supportive. Loyal."

Willing to cover for a monster.

There was a long pause during which Lupin simply looked expectantly at Lily, who seemed to have fallen in a contemplative silence. Eventually the wolf asked her if she was all right, which made Severus wonder what her face must look like. He couldn't see her expression from where he was.

"What exactly," she said in the hardest and coldest voice he had ever heard coming from her mouth, "happened that night under the Whomping Willow? What did Potter save Severus from?"

She knows, thought Severus with a mixture of triumph and dread. He had wanted her to believe him for months, but he had expected her to ask her questions to him, not to the bloody werewolf! A chill ran down his back, the overpowering, irrational fear deeply instilled in him that night under the Whomping Willow making his hand sweat around his wand and his mouth go completely dry. He saw Lupin's eyes widening in panic at the realization that his secret had been discovered, and something wild flashing through them as he jumped forward in an obvious attempt to shut Lily up before she could say the word.

Severus' non-verbal spell hit the creature square in the chest and sent it flying backwards several yards before gravity acquainted it with the hard corridor floor. Part of his enraged brain registered Lily's defensive reaction at his sudden appearance, but most of his attention was focused on stopping himself from unleashing a far darker repertoire of curses on Lupin.

"Do not," he growled through clenched teeth, "put your filthy claws anywhere near Lily. Ever!"

He noticed with satisfaction that Lily had lowered her wand and moved closer to him, the expression of horror on her face as she regarded the fallen werewolf a pleasure to see. Lupin was simply terrified, his panicked eyes darting from Severus to Lily and around.

"Please, Lily," he implored, not daring to move from his position on the floor yet, not with Severus' wand still trained on him, "don't be afraid. I- I would never hurt you."

"Damn right you won't," snarled Severus. "I swear to you, Lupin, if you ever touch her skin, no matter how casually, no matter which day of the month, I will put you down. You don't want to find out how many painful ways to do it I have researched and learned since that night."

Lupin's face turned whiter than it had already been, and Severus could see in his frightened eyes that he believed him. He probably guessed that many of those ways involved Dark Magic, and his guess would be correct. It had been his encounter with a fully transformed werewolf what had driven Severus to seriously delve into that powerful branch of magic, not having found effective or safe enough methods to deal with such creatures elsewhere.

"I will never come close to her, Severus," said Lupin weakly. "I promise. Please... please lower your wand. And... your voice. Please. You gave your word to Dumbledore."

"Dumbledore knows?!" exclaimed Lily in a shrill voice, seeming to partially emerge from her shock. She really must be in shock, if she had not even flinched while Severus threatened to kill someone... something. "Is it all true, then? Sirius... He tried to kill Severus with you?" Bright green eyes turned towards Severus, and his heart gave a violent lurch at the sight of so much concern for him. He felt a painful lump form in his throat at the realization that Lily really did love him.

Severus was so busy staring into her eyes that he didn't notice when Lupin climbed to his feet. His wand arm had also dropped without him consciously deciding it, and he probably would have kissed Lily right then and there if the bloody werewolf had not quietly cleared his throat and broken the trance. He turned to glare at him, more frustrated than angry.

"Dumbledore offered me the opportunity to come to Hogwarts despite my... condition," said Lupin, looking at Lily beseechingly. He glanced around to make sure they were still alone in the corridor. "He planted the Whomping Willow for me, so I could be taken out of the school during the... when I'm indisposed. I've never harmed anyone, Lily, I swear. I would never..." he swallowed visibly, and Severus' fury multiplied tenfold at the piteous performance. There was nothing more dangerous than a wolf in sheep's clothing. "Please, don't tell anyone."

Severus could see the act working its magic on Lily, who of course was too compassionate for her own good. Her eyes still had a hard edge on them, though, and Severus felt with elation her hand closing around his arm, as if she wanted to reassure herself that he was alive. Or so he imagined.

"What happened that night?" she demanded. "What did Sirius do? And Potter," she added, practically spitting the name. Severus felt his mouth twist in a triumphant smirk.

"Black tried to get me savagely killed," he said before Lupin could try to spin the facts to make it seem like an accident or innocent joke. "That's what happened. He tricked me so I would go down the tunnel and meet Lupin at his worst. I would have died if Potter had not realized that my death would have meant Lupin's execution and Black's expulsion or even imprisonment. He did not save me for me."

He glared at the werewolf challengingly, daring him to contradict him. Lupin wisely didn't even attempt to paint Potter in a heroic light.

"Sirius regrets what he did," he said instead. "Probably not for Severus —although I don't think he really intended for him to die, he just wanted to scare him—, but he does regret it, and he will never do anything like that again."

Severus very much doubted Black would never try to kill him again, but he intended to make sure the next time didn't end so well for him. He also very much doubted Lupin would never kill or contaminate someone —if he hadn't already—, but unfortunately there wasn't anything Severus could do about that at the moment.

"Why wasn't Sirius expelled?" asked Lily in an icy voice.

"Because it would have raised questions and exposed Lupin's secret," answered Severus angrily. "And of course protecting a monster is more important than making sure no other students are nearly killed by it or by Black."

It was satisfying to see Lupin's tormented eyes. Severus sort of understood that Lupin wasn't responsible for anything that had happened that night, but he was responsible for his choice of friends, and for sticking with Black even after what the murderous asshole had done.

"Will you keep the secret, Lily?" implored Lupin. "Please. Even Severus agreed-"

"I did not agree!" spat Severus. "Dumbledore threatened me with expulsion if I talked, Lupin, that is the only reason your little secret is safe."

He couldn't have said who looked more horrified at his words, Lupin or Lily. It was clear that Lupin had genuinely not known how the Headmaster had ensured Severus' silence, but his naiveté did little to assuage Severus' anger. Anyone related to that incident made his blood boil and his gut twist in horrible helplessness.

"Do not deceive yourself, Lupin," he said venomously, "you are a monster, and you should not be around innocent people. You are a vicious, filthy creature that should have been put down the moment you were infected. You-"

"Stop, Severus!" admonished him Lily shaking his arm. "You're being cruel!"

"I'm being truthful."

"No, you're being cruel just to hurt him, stop!"

Severus held his tongue, with less difficulty when he noticed that no more words seemed to be required to break the werewolf. Lupin's expression reminded him of a picture he had once seen in a book, portraying the last moments of a victim about to receive the Dementor's Kiss. He felt a slight pang of guilt and some pity creeping up on him when he realized that Lupin seemed to be fighting tears, but he squashed down both unwanted emotions and summoned instead all his hatred towards the bloody Marauders to sneer at the beast.

"Remus..." whispered Lily in a broken voice, stepping forward.

Before Severus could snatch her back —he would not let her approach an emotionally unstable werewolf—, Lupin made a choking sound and ran away, no doubt to go cry on his pillow.

Lily stood there for a long moment with struggle in her eyes, plainly trying to decide whether to run after Lupin —as if Severus would allow it!—, until she finally sighed and rounded on him.

"That was unnecessarily hurtful, Severus," she scolded him. "He can't help what he is, can he?"

"He could choose not to come to Hogwarts," he said unrepentantly. "And he could choose not to reveal his secret to morons that will use him as a weapon."

Lily sighed again, and Severus was pleased to see her anger at him quickly melting away, replaced again by concern. There was a hint of guilt and regret in her eyes too.

"I'm sorry," she whispered softly, "for not believing you. And for what happened to you. It's so wrong!" Her eyes narrowed dangerously. "That asshole!"

Severus guessed that she was referring to Black, but as far as he was concerned the insult fitted Potter and Dumbledore perfectly well too so he chose to believe Lily meant all of them.

Before he could think anything else, or fully register the fact that they were finally alone and together, Lily had crossed the short distance between them, her delicate arms sliding around his body and her head coming to rest against his chest. Severus caught his breath, not having expected a hug and quite frankly unaccustomed to them — Lily used to hug him all the time when they were young, but she had stopped around first year when he had accused her of embarrassing him, and later on he had not known how to let her know that he missed it. Now he slowly allowed himself to relax and wrapped his own arms around her, tilting his head down to inhale the intoxicating smell of her hair. He closed his eyes and breathed her in, felt her slim body trapped against him, heard her soft breathing. His body was reacting to her proximity —not that he needed to be near her to react—, but he didn't really care if she noticed. She must have felt it the last time, and if anything she had pulled closer in response.

His hands began caressing her, tracing circles on her back, one running down her side and beyond her hip while the other climbed up to graze the back of her neck, his long fingers slithering their way into her silky hair...

Lily was trembling against him, and when he gently pulled her head back Severus saw her eyes were muddled with desire. He leaned down, irresistibly drawn to her lips, the air between them warm and charged...

She jerked back abruptly, their thwarted kiss leaving the coldest ghost behind. Severus followed after her instinctively, but before he could process what was happening Lily had disentangled herself from his arms and retreated several steps.

"No," she said in an almost inaudible whisper. Her chest heaved and she was obviously flustered, but she seemed to be struggling to regain control of herself. "We have to stop."

Severus' brain wasn't receiving quite enough blood at the moment as to understand what she meant, but he fumbled for something that could explain the incomprehensible distance that had suddenly sprouted between their bodies. Slowly some sense returned to him, and he realized that they were in the middle of a corridor, after curfew, again engaging in inappropriate behaviour. He wasn't worried about McGonagall, though, nor about Filch. What if some other Prefect came by? A Slytherin Prefect?

"There's a disused classroom back there," he said now thinking fast and pointing at the statue of the humpbacked one-eye witch. "I can cast locking and muffling charms on the door."

Certain part of his body made known its approval of the muffling charm idea. Hearing Lily gasp the other night had been amazing, Severus couldn't wait to see what other arousing sounds he could extract from her.

Lily shook her head and retreated another few steps.

"No, Severus... We have to stop this," she said waving a hand between them, her voice firmer with each syllable. "I can't... I can't do this. We should break it off now, before... Let us just forget it ever happened and move on, go our separate ways."

Severus gaped at Lily, her meaning slowly —and yet vertiginously fast— sinking in and taking everything down with it. His heart was being crushed, his gut stabbed, his cock mocked.

His brain still couldn't understand what was going on.

His hands closed into fists.