Tori walks up to Jade and Jade feels nervous at having Tori seen that interaction between herself and Beck. She's not embarrassed about having Tori see her cry. Tori has seen her cry on a few occasions after all. Jade figures she doesn't want Tori to feel like she needs to comfort her about this.
"That seemed tense," Tori comments gently.
Jade finishes wiping her tears and grins sadly at Tori. "Yeah, it was but we were just talking about some personal stuff that's been happening between us the last few days."
Tori nods her head and her and Jade silently make their way to the school exit and to Jade's car. Once both the girls are inside Jade's car she drives them to Tori's house.
Tori is thankful that Trina and her parents aren't home when she unlocks the door and walks in. Jade shrugs off her coat and brings her bag with her to the cough furthest from the door. Tori heads to the kitchen and brings two bottles of water to the table and sits down next to Jade.
When Tori catches sight of Jade's face, she nudges her left shoulder and Jade looks up at her. Jade raises her eyebrows at Tori and Tori grins at her.
"What are you thinking about?" Tori asks carefully. She doesn't want to upset Jade by being too intrusive. She's curious obviously but she doesn't want to push if Jade doesn't want to talk or isn't comfortable sharing her thoughts.
Jade squints her eyes at Tori. "How do you know I'm thinking about something?"
Tori smiles brightly. "You have this look on your face… It's something I've noticed only happens when you're really focused on something or you're deep in thought. When you're really focused on something you chew on your lip and when you're deep in thought you get these really small creases in your forehead. I noticed you had the small creases in your forehead and you looked like you were off in another world. It was an educated assumption based on observations I've made about you."
Jade picks at the invisible lint on her shirt so she doesn't have to look at Tori just yet. "I didn't know you paid so much attention to me." Jade chuckles. "Well, I guess I saw you looking at me a lot but I never knew that you noticed those kinds of things about me. Nobody has really taken notice of me like that before."
Tori hesitates but when she feels like Jade might need to be physically comforted she ultimately grabs Jade's hand and gives it a squeeze. "What happened with you and Beck after school before I came over? You said it was tense but it seemed like more than just that."
Jade meets Tori's eyes. "You've been meaning to ask me about this for a while haven't you?"
Tori flounders for a few seconds. "I haven't known about your conversation with Beck very long," she answers.
Jade shakes her head. "Not that," she says. "I meant...you've been meaning to ask me about Beck for a while. I can see it in your eyes when you look at us. There's a question there. Especially when you look back and forth between the two of us at the table during lunch. I don't know if Beck has noticed it but I see you when you watch us carefully. It's like you hope that watching us interact with each other might give you all the answers to the questions about us that you haven't asked yet."
Tori can feel the blush creeping up her neck at having been caught by Jade. Tori was hoping that watching Jade and Beck together would help her put the pieces of everything together but it didn't. Looking back, she knows she could have just asked Beck or Jade since both of them are her friends but she couldn't bring herself to do it. The situation between them seemed fragile and Tori didn't want to make anything worse for either of them. Having Jade bring it up now feels like the best way things could have gone.
"I have been wondering about what's going on with you and Beck. I just…" Tori trails off nervously. She can't lie and say she's not anxious when it comes to bringing this specific topic up.
Jade takes a stab in the dark about the ending of Tori's sentence. "You didn't want to upset either of us by asking about it?"
Tori nods. That's exactly what she was afraid of and Jade guessed that so easily. It makes Tori think Jade can read her well or she really wears her emotions on her sleeve. "Things between you guys seem delicate and above all else I wanted to make sure you were okay."
Jade can feel tears starting to come but she pushes them down by closing her eyes briefly. "I'm as okay as I can be. Beck and I broke up not too long ago and what you saw when you walked up was Beck trying to get me to take him back."
Tori furrows her eyebrows. "If he was trying to get back together then why did things feel so heavy around you guys?" She's confused by that information. Every other time Jade and Beck broke up Jade wanted him back.
Jade shrugs but she knows exactly why the atmosphere was so heavy around them. "Beck wanted to get back together but I said no. Things happened between us that I didn't ever think would happen and I told him I needed time to figure out if a relationship like that, a guy like that, was something I wanted. Beck and I can't keep tiptoeing around our issues. Our fights were really bad before our last breakup and I don't want to go back to that. The only way Beck and I will get through our problems is by facing them head on. If that's something I decide I even want to do. I'm still not sure yet. I need more time to make up my mind and Beck seemed disappointed with that. I don't want to seem mean but I can't… I won't enter into a relationship where I'm not comfortable. I love him but I don't know if dating him is what I want anymore."
Tori feels her heart break. She hates that her friends are hurting like this but her heart hurts because regardless of Jade's current relationship status she loves Beck. Tori knows she does but hearing while knowing she's in love with Jade hurts her. She's trying hard to put it past her because she knows Jade needs someone to talk to about this. She wants to be that person for Jade right now.
Tori cups Jade's face gently and wipes the tears falling down her cheeks. Tori really wants to kiss Jade but she knows that she can't. She pushes the urge to connect their lips away by replying to what Jade has told her. "I know this is hard for you. It's stressful to be going through this and you must feel pressured or rushed to make a decision but you should honestly take your time. Make sure you're doing what's best for you. In life you can't make everyone happy so you should focus on taking care of yourself during this time. If you fall short or you need something, I'll be here."
Instead of replying verbally Jade wraps her arms around Tori and hugs her. Although it's unexpected, Tori hugs back quickly. Tori finds herself holding Jade close. She never wants this moment to end. Jade's hands feel good on her lower back and Tori likes the way her arms fit around Jade's neck.
Jade smells really good and Tori almost literally melts when Jade nuzzles her face in her neck. It feels like the hugs last forever, mostly because Tori wants it to but in reality it's no longer than a minute. When Jade pulls out of the hug, she gives Tori a small smile and Tori moves her hands from around Jade's neck to her lap. Tori fiddles with her fingers before Jade suggests they order pizza and watch movies.
An hour into the second movie Jade voices a question that's been wandering around in her brain for a long time. "Why do you like me so much?"
Tori's brain short circuits for a second. She definitely wasn't expecting Jade to ask why she likes her. They've talked about Tori's romantic feelings and Jade's lack of romantic feelings a lot but when Tori looks back on it she realizes they never really talked about it in great detail.
Tori clears her throat and thinks about the question. "I don't know," she answers honestly. Tori plays with the bottom of her shirt while she watches the TV in front of her. "I guess I was drawn to the way you're not like anyone I've met before. I've always admired that you speak your mind. You do what you want when you want. You're brave. I found myself liking things about you that I wish I could be more like."
"What kind of things?" Jade inquiries softly from beside Tori while she too looks at the TV.
"I wish I were braver at times. I wish I took a little more time to care for myself. I wish I could say how I feel without worrying about what people will think or how it'll make them feel."
"You are those things," Jade responds with certainty. "You're so much more than you realize. You're amazing and everyone who knows you knows that."
"That's because of you. After that I started to notice that there was more to you and the way you act around people. You showed me what a vulnerable Jade looked like and I liked that side of you a lot. Not because you were down or fragile but because you were strong and you showed me something not many people have seen. It told me that on some level you trusted me. I never knew you'd trust me but I'm glad you did because I got to see the Jade that cares about people. The Jade who has a heart as big as mine. You hide it but it's there. You're kind and whether you meant to or not, you've sacrificed things for me. You've been there for me and well, how could I not like someone who cares that much about me?"
Jade turns to look at Tori but Tori is already looking at her. "When you put it that way you make it seem like I could actually deserve someone like you."
Tori wants to say something to that. She wants to say so much to reassure Jade that she's deserving of someone like her. That she's deserving of Tori's love but Jade grabs her hand and smiles at her like she doesn't need to say anything at all. Tori fights the urge but she lets it go for the time being so she can just enjoy the moment with Jade.
Tori pushes everything else out of her mind and just lets herself relax. She wants to be in the moment and remember what it felt like to sit in the comfortable silence with the girl she's been crushing on for a really long time. Jade might not like her the same way Tori likes her but she knows Jade cares about her and she knows Jade pays attention to her.
It makes her feel good and for now, that feels like enough for Tori. Jade isn't her girlfriend but she and Jade are friends and she can't explain what having these heart to heart conversations with Jade means to her. She's wished for this a lot and now that it's here she isn't giving it up for anything. Jade smiles at the thought that Tori thinks she's brave and has a big heart. Not many people get to see her when all of her feelings are on full display but she's glad that Tori was one of the people who has.
Being friends with Tori is better than she'd ever let herself hope for. Jade really hopes she doesn't do anything to mess things up or hurt Tori. She's honestly never hurt Tori on purpose. Jade doesn't have many female friends and she's happy she has someone like Tori in her life.
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