Summary: Sesshoumaru and Goku in a small room. RUN!
In a small room that had suddenly appeared in the Dimension Between the Animes, where characters wander between episodes………
Sesshoumaru twitched. Then he twitched some more.
'How did I get in here?' he said, punching the wall experimentally. There was no reaction from the wall, which bent and then bounced back into shape.
There was a loud popping sound, and a short boy with messy brown hair and strange clothing appeared suddenly in the room. He had a chicken leg and a puzzled expression.
'Hey. What am I doing in here?' he said, scratching his head, leaving behind some stains. The youkai, who was a notorious neat-freak, winced.
'Did you bring me in here? Is Sanzo around here too? Where's the food?'
Sesshoumaru twitched again. 'Who are you?'
'I'm Goku. Son Goku. I'm on a journey west with Sanzo and two others and……say, where's the food gone?'
'There isn't any food around here.'
Goku face-faulted. 'Whaat?' he whined. 'But I'm hungry!'
The youkai turned away, sniffing in disdain.
Twenty-nine minutes later:
'Meatbuns and pork buns and sweet bean paste buns and vegetable buns! Oh, and I went to this really cool restaurant once where they served Indian food and they had these buns with potato stuffing and strange spices with green chilly sauce and that tasted really good too! I had fourteen!'
Sesshoumaru rubbed at his temples. He was getting a headache. He stared stonily at the wall and tried hard not to kill the brat. He preferred not to kill children if he could help it.
An hour and seven minutes after that:
'…………and in the east, across the ocean, they make them with pieces of leaves in them and beef and sauce and cheese too, someti–'
'I'LL KILL YOU!' Sesshoumaru snarled, drawing Toukijin and charging at the infuriating, agitating, exasperating, irritating nag of a pest that he had been stuck with.
About ten inches from Goku, his sword slammed into a barrier of solid air.
'What is this?' the inuyoukai demanded of no one.
'Sorry,' said a disembodied voice. 'This is a no-violence fic because I'm trying for a K rating. So you can't kill him.'
'Jeez, if you wanted me to be quiet all you had to do was say so,' Goku complained.
Sesshoumaru turned his back on Goku and stared hard at the wall.
'Banging your head on the wall constitutes violence,' the disembodied voice said, just as he thought of it.
Sesshoumaru nearly moaned.
Two hours after that:
'Hey, do you still want me to be quiet?' Goku said, approaching the inuyoukai cautiously.
'Yes,' he said wearily.
'Even if I won't talk about food?'
'You're talking now,' Sesshoumaru snarled.
'Awww, pleeease?'
Sesshoumaru drew Toukijin again. 'No-violence fic,' the disembodied voice reminded him.
In crisp, graphic words, Sesshoumaru told the disembodied voice what it could do with its no-violence policy.
'………' said the disembodied voice, and Sesshoumaru charged.
Thirty-seven minutes later:
Sesshoumaru and Goku sat in opposite sides of the room, staring at each other. The fight hadn't gone too well. Sesshoumaru's attacks had been suppressed, Goku's staff wouldn't extend; and there wasn't room to really go at it in the tiny space. Besides, they were both kind of tired already. The disembodied voice had something to do with that, Sesshoumaru suspected.
'You know, you remind me of Sanzo,' Goku said.
Sesshoumaru's head lifted slightly.
'You're kind of the same. Even if you don't look alike. Sanzo hates it when I talk, too.'
'I can't imagine why,' Sesshoumaru grunted.
'But there's something else about the two of you. You've got the same kind of aura about you.'
Interest piqued despite himself, Sesshoumaru listened. The brat seemed to be talking to himself now.
'You're both strong. I mean, there's just this feeling about you, you know? Like you could face the world and not crack. I bet you don't smile much, either.'
Silence from the other end of the room.
What was the brat getting at?
'Hey, I know. Maybe Sanzo's your reincarnation or something!'
Huh?
'That isn't strictly true,' the disembodied voice said. 'The original incarnation of Sanzo was a god named Konzen. Still, it's quite possible that one of his incarnations between his descent and his birth as Sanzo was a youkai.'
'Yeah, coz that would, like, explain so much!' Goku said enthusiastically. 'I mean, if you were really good in this life, you'd get to be a priest in your next one, right?'
Sesshoumaru nearly choked. Nobody had ever had the gall to suggest that he was good, much less good enough to be a priest. A priest!
'And if you were, then maybe you could be Sanzo, and we could meet up again!'
Not a chance in hell, Sesshoumaru assured himself. I will never, ever be a priest.
'And if we–' Goku started, but then he stopped. 'Hey, is that–'
Sesshoumaru felt a huge rise of energy outside the room. He ducked and rolled just in time to escape a huge chi blast that tore two walls of the room away, exposing them to bright sunlight where the two had been wandering prior to their incarceration.
Three people were standing there; one blond, one brunet and one redhead. The blond one was human, but the other two felt like youkai. He blinked once in the sunlight.
The redhead pulled out a strong-smelling stick and stuck it in his mouth, lighting the end of the stick with a small flame. He drew in a deep breath. 'So this is where chimpy was swinging, eh?'
Goku raced past him to the blond one. 'Sanzo, Sanzo! Imet your previous incarnation!'
The blond man raised one eyebrow over icy violet eyes. 'You what?'
'Yeah, I met your previous incarnation! His name's Sesshoumaru. He's youkai, but he's really nice.'
Sesshoumaru nearly choked again. What had he done to give him that impression?
'And he has this really cool sword and he's exactly like you! –hey, does anybody have any food around here?'
The blond man whipped a fan from somewhere and whacked the boy on the head with it. 'Talk sense, you moron!' he barked.
Sesshoumaru walked up to the blond and stopped. 'Are you the Sanzo this fool was talking about?'
'Yeah, that would be me,' the blond said, snapping his finger down on a small rectangular box. It produced a flame, and the monk used it to light up a stick like the one the redhead had. From where he was, Sesshoumaru smelt the smoke. It wasn't half bad. 'You got a problem?'
Sesshoumaru decided not to take offense. 'You've had him around for years?'
'Yeah. So?'
'I pity you,' Sesshoumaru said. 'I really do. And if you ever need him killed, don't hesitate to ask me. I'd pay for the privilege.'
'Don't worry,' Sanzo said around the cigarette. 'I fully intend to kill him myself. One day. When he annoys me too much.'
Sesshoumaru nodded and began to walk away.
'Hey,' Sanzo's voice stopped him. The inuyoukai paused and turned around to look at him. The monk tossed him the rectangular box and the pack from which he'd taken that strange-smelling stick. Sesshoumaru caught it reflexively. 'For you. If you spent three hours in a room with him, you probably need it.'
Sesshoumaru nodded again and moved on.
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Later, much later, he tried the lighter. It worked, and he lit up one of the sticks. He had been right. It wasn't half bad.
''Ch,' he said and continued smoking.
The End.
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A/N: I do not support smoking or smokers.
Just an idea that captured me, is all. You know they're frightfully alike – Sanzo's quite evil for a priest and Sesshy's quite nice for a youkai. They both have a penchant for picking up stray kids, they have the same twisted sense of humour, the same tendency to beat up on people they actually like, they both have abandonment issues and they both like to pretend they're unemotional, detached and la-di-da when they're not. And I know that Goku isn't half as stupid as I've written him here, but the kid does have a one-track mind when he's hungry.
The Indian buns referred to are called wada pav; and my opinion lies solidly with Goku on this point.
Uh, in case you still feel the need to get mad at me...please don't take this fic seriously, but review! Go on, it's not that tough...