After her classes Jade does exactly what she promised Cat she would do. She thinks about what Cat said to her when lunch ended. Boy does Jade think about it. Jade can't think of another time she's ever given anything as much thought as she's given Cat's words.
They ring in her head so often she can't forget about them. Even if she wanted to. She's tried very hard to ignore them but it doesn't work and it really frustrates Jade. It shouldn't and she knows that but each time she thinks of her conversation with Cat, she realizes that she's gotten nowhere closer to making up her mind about if she's going to tell Tori she has feelings for her too.
Jade has unfortunately spent days overthinking what speaking with Tori about her feelings could do to their relationship. She's thought a lot about what talking to Tori could do to her relationship with Beck. Her relationship with Beck is awkward at best right now but that doesn't mean neither of them don't have feelings for the other anymore.
Breaking up isn't as easy as saying it's over and going your separate ways. Even after you break up with someone all the feelings are still there. You might be experiencing some extra feelings towards that person that you might not normally but your feelings, good or bad don't just up and disappear because you stopped dating. It would be much less complicated if it worked like that especially in this case but Jade knows all too well that it'll never be like that. Breaking up with someone is hard enough as it is and Jade doesn't know how Beck would react if she were to be in another relationship so soon after theirs ended.
If she were in Beck's position and she heard about something like that happening to Beck, she'd probably be hurt. Okay, she'd be really hurt and she would probably feel like the time they spent together meant nothing to him because how could you get over that much time spent together in such a quick amount of time? It wouldn't make sense and Jade can't do that to Beck. She respects him and the relationship they shared with each other. Regardless of the fact that the romantic part is now over.
Jade already knows Tori has feelings for her so that isn't a big worry in her mind. It makes things easier but at the same time, it makes things harder. It's a crappy situation to be in because everyone's feelings are at risk.
It's Wednesday by the time Jade finally starts to relax and get her grip back on life. Jade spent most of those days thinking and overthinking everything. They went by really slowly that way. Even slower than they normally might have but Jade was very caught up in her own head at that time and she still kind of is right now. So not much is different today than it was on Monday. Except for the realization that she needs to be very careful and considerate when and if she does make a concrete decision that she's going to stick with. Jade tells herself that not making a decision about what to do when it comes to this sort of a situation is making a decision. Her indecision is a decision and she really hopes that by the end of this, that isn't what it comes down to.
It's odd Jade realizes. She always has strong opinions on everything but this is a gray area for her. She's always got a plan brewing in the back of her mind but again, this time she's got nothing. Of course her feelings about not wanting to hurt Beck or Tori are very strong but it's hard to accept that there's no perfect way to get everything she wants. It'll probably get messy and relationships will be tested but that's inevitable. No matter how unfortunate it is.
As of this moment Jade is split evenly. It's 50/50. Her heart wants her to take the leap and tell Tori about all the feelings bubbling under the surface. However, the other half of Jade, her brain, wants her to keep quiet and not risk losing everything she's spent the last few years building with Beck. It's too soon for her to move on with someone else. Especially a mutual friend of theirs. That would crush him and she'd have to watch him slowly fade out of her life because he can't see her and Tori together.
Jade is walking down the halls of Hollywood Arts towards her locker with all these thoughts racing inside of her head. It would be an understatement to say that she's not even watching where she's going so when she pops back into reality it's because she's crashing into someone else.
Jade's first instinct is to yell at whoever collided with her but she doesn't have the time or the patience for that so she ignores it and starts to walk away. Until she hears someone call out her name from behind her. It's a familiar voice to her and she groans at the thought of the guy calling her.
"Jade!" Robbie says before catching up to her. He had to jog a little to get beside her because Jade walks fast and Robbie wasn't expecting that. He keeps up with Jade pretty well but it feels weird to be standing beside Jade. Especially without talking because they don't do this much, if at all. Though he sucks it up so he can get a read on whether or not what he thinks he knows has any truth or it or not.
Jade tries her best to be pleasant with the hopes that will get him to leave quicker but sometimes she has no patience. "What?" She asks without as much bite as she usually does. It feels weird not being as mean to people as she normally is but she deals with the feeling. She has other feelings that are way more uncomfortable than that so she figures she can use this as a distraction to take her mind off the other feelings she's been thinking about almost nonstop since Monday basically.
He looks sheepishly at her and Jade starts to wonder why he stopped her. If Robbie isn't going to say anything to her then she's going to walk away but he speaks up finally. "You must not have seen me walking towards you when we bumped into each other."
"Well clearly that makes two of us," she replies quickly. She turns around the corner and Robbie is still following after her. She wanted that to be the end of their conversation but Robbie obviously has more that he wants to say to her.
"I guess so," he agrees softly. "It looked like you were in deep thought about something. Perhaps I can help you with that." Robbie is excited about the prospect of getting to the bottom of what's going on between the two girls. Cat might have said she hadn't noticed anything different between them but he did. He made a promise to figure out what was going on and that's what he's doing.
He smiles at her like he's waiting for her to tell him all of her problems but she refrains from doing that. Even if she did want Robbie's help she can't say anything about what's going on inside her head because she told Tori she wouldn't out her to anyone. She intends to keep her promise to Tori all the way so she needs to divert Robbie's attention somehow.
She knows that it's mean but she finds herself saying, "why would I come to you for advice?" Based on the lack of reaction from Robbie, Jade thinks that he was likely expecting her to say something like that. Jade gives herself a mental high five. At least someone sees her for the way she is and isn't hurt by how brash she can be towards others.
Robbie looks around the halls and takes count of how many people are around them. He doesn't want any of the people lingering around to possibly overhear their conversation so he lowers his voice slightly. Only then does he say what he wants to tell Jade. "Cause believe it or not, I know things." His face is straight and he doesn't crack or smile at all.
At first Jade considers that Robbie might be lying but throws the idea away because he doesn't have a poker face whatsoever. This idea that Robbie might know something intrigues her. Though Jade knows Robbie doesn't have a clue about what's actually going on with her, she arches an eyebrow and acts curious. "What kind of things?" She asks to humor the conversation and see what the boy knows. Even if it is nothing, it's better to have her bases covered when it comes to the unknown than to be wondering about what he might know.
"I know that there's something going on between you and Tori." Robbie hopes that his statement will get some sort of a reaction out of Jade so he can tell if it's even remotely on the right track or if he's way off but he receives no reaction from Jade at all. Her face doesn't change from the sour look she normally gives everyone when she's irritated by them and it makes Robbie deflate in disappointment.
Jade doesn't let the surprise of what Robbie said show on her face. What Robbie said about her and Tori could mean so many different things so she doesn't let herself freak out over something so vague. If Robbie had said something more specific about her and Tori than she'd be freaking out for sure. Though, that's not the case so Jade keeps her wits about her and asks him for more information. "What does that even mean?"
Jade can't help but feel a little nervous for what he'll say next because he's smart enough to have considered that whatever is going on with her has to do with Tori. She reminds herself that this is Robbie and even if he did know the truth about everything going on, she could likely swear him to secrecy with a thinly veiled threat. His fear for her would outweigh any of his possible interest in gossiping about what he knows.
He falls for the trap she put out and Jade internally smirks at her victory. However, Robbie must take her reply to him as a sign that there is something going on between herself and Tori but it's easily overlooked by Jade for the moment. She'll deal with Robbie making assumptions about her life later. Robbie seems confident when he says, "it means I know that you guys are acting weirder than usual around each other. Especially lately. It makes me question, what happened to the seemingly great friendship you were building together? Maybe Beck got in the way of that or something and that's why you guys were on rocky terms as well up until recently."
Jade rolls her eyes harshly. Robbie has no idea what he's talking about and the mention of Beck having to do with all of this in some way makes her upset in a way she can't find words to describe right now. "First of all," she says while being as intimidating as she can. "What happens between Beck and I is none of anyone's business but even if it was, just because I have issues with him doesn't mean those issues have anything to do with anyone else. Second of all, my emotions can be very hard to read. So what might look like anger can easily be something else. I have a major case of resting bitch face so even when I'm not upset I look upset. There's never any guarantee about how I'm feeling based on how I look. The only guarantee is when I say how I feel. Although, there's still a chance I could be lying when I say how I feel. Lastly, my relationship with Vega has the same conditions. What happens between myself and anyone else is nobody else's damn business and it's going to stay that way."
Robbie puts his hands inside the pockets of his jeans and sighs quietly. He does it quietly so Jade doesn't hear and think that he's catching an attitude with her or anything. The thing is he's a bit frustrated. His point isn't coming across very well and he needs to try from a different angle. "Look," he says strongly. "I'm not trying to say I know how you're feeling or that I know anything about the relationship you and Beck have. However, what I am saying is that when one area of our lives isn't going so well, it can often sweep into another area. Sometimes without us really noticing. I only mentioned Beck because it seemed like your relationship was strained awhile ago and that would definitely be more than enough reason for some of your other relationships to be… off."
Robbie takes a deep breath and pushes himself to say the rest of his speech. "The other thing I wanted to say was you and Beck clearly fixed whatever it was going on between the two of you and you can do the same with Tori. Tori has wanted to be your friend for so long and she cares a lot about you. If the reason you guys weren't doing so well had anything to do with your struggles with Beck, I can understand that. If they aren't related by chance, talk to her about whatever is bothering you. You'd be surprised how easily things can be fixed when you talk to the person you need to talk to. Having a one-sided conversation with ourselves isn't worth it. Especially when our minds are often more cruel to us than the person we should be talking to. The other person would more than likely never say some of the things we might think about ourselves so give it a try before you start to lose your mind over a conversation that hasn't even happened yet."
Jade opens her mouth to reply but Robbie has already started to walk away. She thinks that's perfect timing that Robbie walked away from her because she doesn't actually know what to say to that. It's an unsettling feeling inside her stomach, thinking that Robbie is right.
Jade stands there in the hallway for a moment, even as the bell rings to signal class has started and she finally makes a decision about what she's going to do when it comes to her dilemma with Tori and Beck. Jade just can't believe it took talking to Robbie to make up her mind about it. If Jade wasn't there when it happened, she wouldn't believe such a thing could transpire.
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