-TRANSMISSION ONLINE-
-Beginning ECHO Review Log-
Fireworks were exploding all around the station in a fury of colors.
Inside the control room was decorated with balloons, banners, and a disco ball as "Wang Chung Everybody Have Fun Tonight" was playing in the background.
(Gaige) PARTY!
"YEAH!" Everyone yelled.
(Kilo8) Welcome back everyone, today we've hit several HUGE milestones for our story. Firstly we've made it to over 300 followers for this story!
Also because of that, we're now the ninth most followed story for Borderlands Fanfics, six place for M rated, and less than twenty from the next most followed story!
And finally, we've hit a word count of over two hundred thousand with this chapter! There is only one other story that has over 200K words in the Borderlands section, six in total if you include Crossovers! And we're only gonna keep growing!
Now, considering the last chapter was part of a double chapter release of epic proportions we got some awesome reviews that I'd like to quickly go over and or answer.
Spartandude928. Yes everyone loves comeuppances, the satisfaction of watching those you hate suffer a fate they so justly deserve is just so enjoyable. Especially with one of Tina's excellent cups of tea. Thank you, Tina.
(Tina) Of course good sir of misery.
Blaze1992, like any of the gang, is gonna give two shits about the body of a shit bag. Plus, safety? You do realize this is Pandora, right man? As for the Major, yeah it would have been nice to have him at the battle, but that would have ruined the setup to have him there. Also not sure about the family. As for the sword and dragon. . . I have a few ideas for the sword, as for the dragon. . . Tina, you're gonna love it when we get there.
(Tina) You got me a present! Kilo you're the best! Where is it!
Ah ah ah. You're gonna have to wait for a few chapters.
(Tina) Awwwww! But I wanna dragon to fight that one follower of yours, the one who is also a dragon!
(Kilo8) Good things come to those who wait, TIna.
Veesmaster, I'm glad you love the story and the chapter!
PanzerKampfWagonJager. . . Yes, never doubt my writing, and never doubt Borderlands, there is nothing sane about it. Plus after all the shit Kai had to deal with he deserves to act a little smug. Although I do need to better track the Badass points now that you pointed it out. And don't worry, her majesty is about to make her grand entrance!
Fl0res, yeah who would have thought the necklace I describe so intricately was such an important item. Seriously I drop all kinds of hints for things to come in the chapters leading up to it. As for your guess on the Baby Maker, that pretty much what happened. It is a reflection of a true Karen mindset.
7thManiac, Scooter is gonna be over the moon man… That came out wrong. And yeah, I had the idea one day after a long streak of writer's block and it just rolled out into this whole insane arc. And yes, now that Gaige has accepted her feelings, it's only gonna get more adorable watching this.
(Gaige) Kiloooo! Stop.
(Moxxi) Hell no, we're all enjoying this! Although, I wouldn't say Kai married his work, more like he is hesitant about getting into a relationship after all the shit he's been through, and is mentally telling himself he is not in love for risk of losing his friend… It's teen drama at its simplest, no love triangles, no dark secrets, no crazy mental instability, no brudy emo emotional bull crap, and definitely no goddamn fucking sparkly vampires.
(Kilo) Well said Moxxi.
(Gaige) YEAH, NO STUPID TEEN VAMPIRES!
(Tina) SCREW THOSE EMO'S!
(Torgue) Eat it you sparkly F*cks!
(Alucard) Fuck those vampires.
. . .
(Kilo8) Alucard, what the hell are you doing here?
(Alucard) Aww you know, I needed a weekend away from Integra and the kid so I decided to visit. Something about taking to many long walks and plowing another antique car into the same Dairy Queen again. Also, I'm just here to exemplify what a real fucking vampire is supposed to be.
(Kilo8) . . . Umm, oka-
(Alucard) And to fuck Moxxi's fine ass later.
(Moxxi) Well, if someone wants to play hide the wooden stake, I'm happy to play~.
(Kilo8) Oooookay! Moving on! Next up, Boosted Knees, good to see someone who understands my hatred for that particular Gundam series. The first series isn't awful, just mah. But Destiny was just what the fuck. Too many Mary Sue's, and glad you enjoyed the easter eggs.
Silentslender, don't worry, you'll get more Jack humor real soon. Plus glad you like my OC.
Vedahzii, been a while man and I'm glad you could finally catch up man.
(Tina) FIGHT ME DRAGON!
(Gaige) TINA! No!
(Kilo8) Next, 4ndr3, yes this whole arc is a middle finger to the Mary Sue character type. Not all Sues are bad per se but when you read halfway through a decent story only for the main character to suddenly gain the powers of a Super Saiyan, find the elder wand laying around, be the long lost son of a great king, unlock the Sharingan Mangekyou out of the blue really kills a story, and/or be this self-contradicting pacifist peace warrior who will whip out a can of beam spam at the drop of a hat without reason or proper context. It gets FUCKING STUPID! . . . Sorry. As for your questions, first, yes, Dirk is a prince. His family once found the relic and through stupidity, became the ruling power of a planet, of course, it was that same stupidity that led to a tragic uprising that forced our heroes family to flee. As for Ice's back story… honestly I really never thought of one, and I don't know if I ever will. As for the hell each one has, maybe I'll visit each one in the future.
And finally CreedTheCheshire. . . . . GIVE THE MAN or woman, A ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR BECOMING FOLLOWER 300!
*Everyone claps and whistles!*
Well, that's it for the reviews. Thanks for all the feedback guys, we appreciate it, and thanks again to all of those who have followed and favorited the story.
(Everyone) THANK YOU!
(Kilo8) Now let's not keep you waiting, we got lead to shoot, bandits to kill and explosions to set off! The next chapter is about to begin! To the Mystery Science Theater!
(Alucard) Well, this should be fun.
-ECHO Transmission interrupted-
X-X-X
Disclaimer: I do not own Borderlands or any of its characters, Borderlands is owned by Gearbox Software and 2K Games, the only ownership I claim is of my own OC's. This is a story just for your fun and enjoyment. Please enjoy.
Stories text formats
"Talking"
'Thinking'
"Echo/Radio"
'Krieg's inner voice'
X-X-X
CHAPTER 18
Boom De Yada!
It was another quiet morning in Sanctuary as everyone was either still in bed or just getting up. Until the air raid siren started blaring and several moonshots impacted and exploded against the city's shield. "Ooooh, my bad Sanctuary." Handsome Jack's voice said over an open ECHO channel that everyone in town could hear. "I accidentally hit the moonshot control instead of the button to call my private masseuse call button. Honestly, I keep getting them mixed up. By the way, my masseuse, she's this super hot exotic swimsuit model from Aquator. That babe got legs that goes for miles! This just goes to show how much better I am then you pathetic losers. Later~!"
Kai was in his apartment finishing some work on his Fast Talker SMG when it happened. The teen just shook his head and gave an annoyed sigh. "God, I can't wait to kill that guy." Hati who was on the ground in front of the coffee table with the TV remote in his mouth gave a few muffled barks. "That program only works if he makes a direct connection to my ECHO." Kai said before taking another sip of coffee.
There was a thud above them that Kai didn't even flinch at while Hati gave another muffled bark at. "Yeah that her. Must have fallen out of the bed again. Seriously that girl could pass as a zombie extra from the Walking Corpses if we kept any caffeine out of her reach." Which earned a snort from Hati.
Several minutes later a redhead zombie dressed in a black neo heavy metal t-shirt and red sweat pants with a pair of purple toe socks lumbered down the stairs as she meandered to the sofa where Kai handed her a waiting cup of coffee. She took it and mumbled a thank you before taking a slow sip. It had been about a week and a half since their adventure in Hollow Point and since that time Gaige had moved in with him… To avoid her.
-FLASHBACK-
Gaige had finally got back to her room after a long day of dealing with hundreds of Psychos, Bandits, and marauders. She sat down on her bed and fell back to think about all of the crazy things that happened that day. While she wanted to go get a shower she just was too tired and wanted to sleep. So with a sigh, she closed her eyes to let her body start drifting off.
*hhhh-haaaa. . . hhhh-haaaa.*
Gaige's eyes shot open as she heard the sound of muted breathing. Breathing that wasn't her own. Breathing of someone unknown. The breathing of someone in her room! Slowly she got off the bed and looked around, there was no place to really hide, plus the small closest was wide open and she could see into it. Then a thought occurred as to where someone could hide in her room. With fear growing in the pit of her stomach Gaige got down on her hands and knees and looked under her bed. She didn't see anything but several toolboxes, lost socks, and a rusty Bandit SMG, but she could still hear the breathing. She grabbed one toolbox and slid it to the left to reveal. . . Tanis. "Umm, hello." Tanis said with a wave of her hand and a nervous smile.
Gaige stared at the crazy women for several seconds with a blank face before slowly moving the toolbox back into place.
- Ten minutes later -
Kai and Hati were on their sofa watching TV just trying to relax the Pandora way after a long day of bloody violence… By watching more bloody violence.
"It time for Mr. Genki's Murder Time Fun Time! Our first contestant tonight is Yamzy Williker of Cetuory Four. He is a waste disposal repairman who is looking to win enough money for a new… Well, I can't say that on-air without getting canned but let's just say life improvement surgery!" The guy who was participating looked to be mid-thirties and looked to be in need of a good sandwich with how much of a twig he was.
Hati gave a few barks. "That a fools bet and you know it." Kai said as he worked on his Fast Talker.
*Woof*
Kai paused and looked at the TV then the wolf. ". . . You know what, your on, ten bucks."
Before they could settle the bet they both jumped when a loud *BANG* alerted them to their front door being knocked in again. Standing in the doorway was a pissed off Gaige who appeared to be carrying all of her stuff in several bags with DT behind her holding another bag in one arm with his right fist stretched forward. Gaige proceeded to walk into the apartment and dropped her stuff on the floor. "MOVE OVER DOG BREATH, I'M MOVING IN!" She yelled.
-END OF FLASHBACK-
"So what's this about?" Gaige motioned to the TV which was showing a breaking news story.
"Oh, it just some news story about this fleet of ships from a long lost colony that thought they were the last survivors of the human race after their own robotic creations rebelled and went all murder happy with nukes and genocide. Said fleet, using a crude, but unique type of FTL travel had been trying to find their way back to Earth or as they call it the thirteenth tribe for the last several years while trying to outrun the chrome-plated murder bots. Then apparently a fraction of the robots found God and then decided to help their former Creator's/enemy to defeat the genocide happy faction. Now though, they stumbled into the Zambia system and are all facing the fact they are not the only humans left."
Gaige stared at the screen for several seconds. "Sounds like a script pitch for a cheesy sci-fi TV show that will go strong for the first two or three seasons before its viewership starts to drop. Of course, because of that drop, the network will probably decide to cut it a few seasons earlier then the writers had planned so they'll have to slap together an ending that fails to meet fan expectations if it doesn't outright anger them."
She took a sip of her coffee before continuing. "Although the fan base will still be big enough that some studio will try to pick it up and make one or even two reboots or spin-off series later on down the road."
"That… sounds so crazy it has to be true… in some alternate universe." Kai said as he leaned back and stretched which caused the fabric of his shirt to tighten around his body, to which Gaige stole a glance at. 'Why brain do you have to go south so early?' Gaige thought as her cheeks heated up.
Since the intervention with Moxxi and the girls, Gaige had become much more aware of Kai. Especially since she started living with him. Sometimes found herself staring at him when they were in the same room from time to time. Especially if he had on a T-shirt… Or no shirt on the off occasion when he was working on something. Lucky for her, he never noticed. Although, Gaige was positive that Hati knew about her growing feeling if his occasional snicker was any clue.
The other issue was all the missions they were going on together. Over two weeks and several more crazy adventures including raiding the Bloodshots dam again for a job and killing a cult and finding a new home for a Loader Bots AI core. Other than that the two had settled into doing jobs every other day. While the missions themselves were mostly not bad, Gaige did notice what Moxxi had pointed out. Even with her own Mythic shield now and a New-U account, Kai would still go out of his way to make sure she was safe. Not overprotective parents safe, but if she got a little too ambitious or wasn't paying attention to her surroundings he would step in or even if he put himself in the line of danger. He had even at one point threw her out of the way of a rocket that nearly blasted him off the Bloodshot dam.
Gaige had berated him for such actions since he didn't have a New-U account if he got hurt, but she did secretly appreciate the action… Not that she would ever tell the cute bastard that. 'Dammit brain.' Gaige thought as she mentally face-palmed herself for that last thought.
To Gaige's relief both of their ECHOs go off as each teen answers their own.
"Kai here."
"You've reached Gaige."
"A new mission."
"Roland's got a job?"
"I'll be there in ten."
"I'm at Kai place... Ugh because I moved in." Gaige immediately pulled the ECHO from her ear as the sounds of rabid screaming could be heard for several seconds before she hung up.
"I'm guessing Axton didn't know?" Kai asked with a chuckle.
"Egh, must have slipped my mind." Gaige shrugged. "So do we have time for breakfast?" As if on cue the refrigerator started shaking violently as animalistic screeches could be heard. Gaige looked to Kai who didn't even look phased by it.
"Soooo… Burritos at Moxxi's again?" Kai asked as Gaige just sighed.
Twenty minutes later the two teens reached the HQ with some of Moxxi's breakfast burritos in hand and went up to the war room where all of the other Vault Hunters were waiting… Including a pissed off Axton. "HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN LIVING WITH HIM!" Axton shouted at Gaige as he pointed at Kai with a look of uncontained rage.
"Umm, what's it been now, four days?" Gaige asked before taking a bite of her Rakk meat burrito.
"Six." Kai corrected who was boredly munching on his own burrito.
"Rally? Mh, wen tine flis I guss." Gaige said with a full mouth of food.
"You're living with a boy all alone!" Axton raged.
Gaige swallowed and looked at the man, seemingly unfazed by his anger. "I'm not alone, I got DT. Plus it beats staying here with the crazy thief slash creepy stalker who wants to steal my robot arm and dissect DT." Gaige stated as she thumbed back out to the hallway behind her. Everyone but Gaige looked behind her to see Tanis standing in a dark doorway before she seemed to silently glide back into the darkness.
"Not gonna lie, that was both scary and cool as fuck." Salvador said.
"You think that's scary, try having to worry about her pulling your hair out so that she can taste it!" Maya exclaimed.
Axton looked back to the teens. "Alright fine, I'll give you that one, but you should have consulted with us before you move out."
"And as I've said over a hundred times now, you're not my father. If anything, Sal or Zer0 would be the father in this group."
"What!?" Axton sputtered in shock.
"Awww, I would love to have a pequeña niña bonita like you Gaige. So adorable and trigger happy." Sal cooed in a joking manner while a smile emote appeared on Zer0's face.
"Yeah, and Maya the mom." Gaige pointed out, to which the siren looked to the grinning Gunzerker and blank-faced Zer0.
"Zer0, maaaaybe, but I ain't ever kissing shorty here." Maya replied.
"HEY!" Sal yelled in mock offense.
"Krieg is the cool, but crazy uncle." Gaige continued
"Aww, I would love a nice niece like her."
"Red makes brain warm and toasty." Krieg said with a twinkle in his single eye.
Axton looks at everyone and then back to Gaige. "So then what am I?"
"My step-cousin… twice removed."
"Step cousin!?" Axton said.
"What about me?" Kai asked.
Not missing a beat the girl looked to him with a grin. "BFF and best roomie, duh." Gaige said as Kai just chuckled.
"Eh-em" Everyone turned to find Roland standing by the holo table at the center of the room with Lilith behind him leaning against the wall that led to the balcony. "While as amusing as this is, we're here for a reason people." Roland said. At this everyone brought their attention to the veteran Vault Hunter. The lights in the room faded as the holo table lit up and showed a topographic map of their region of Pandora.
"Now then, we've recently gotten a report from one of our spies in Tundra Express that a Hyperion armored train from a research base will be moving the Vault Key in several days. To where we don't know, but the train will have to cross through the Express before it makes it to the mainline where it can switch to one of a dozen different routes. Your job is to help our demolition expert set up whatever she needs to stop the train, then you will move in and secure the Vault Key. Any questions?" Roland asked.
"Why would Hyperion move the key now?" Maya asked.
"As Tannis might've told you the key needs to be charged with Eridium. Which we believe Jack has been developing a way to directly infuse into the Key in order to speed the process since normally the key takes 300 years to charge... We're racing against time people, every ounce of that stuff Jack mines from the ground puts him closer to taking control of that warrior and wiping us out. We've gotta get our hands on the vault key before he both can charge it and find the Vault. Now, if anybody knows when that train will be coming, it's my spy out in Tundra Express. He's as good at gathering intel as he is at drinking." Roland stated… although begrudgingly. "So I'm sure he's sleeping off last night's booze right now, you all will need to get some fire weapons to wake him up. I'll explain why when you get out there."
"Oh if this is who I think it is then we're not gonna need them. Kai said with a grin.
"Either way, the area is full of bandit gangs and wildlife, so a fire weapon isn't a bad idea. arm up and move out." Roland commanded.
X-X-X
It took them an hour and a half to reach the Tundra Express. The Vault Hunters took a moment to take in the massive expanse of rocky outcroppings, wide snow-covered grounds, distant bandit camps, and a large mountain-like rock formation in the center with an odd structure at the top.
"Woah." Gaige said as she took it all in.
"It still amazes me how such a dangerous planet can sometimes still be majestic at times." Kai said.
"So where do we go from here?"Axton asked as everyone looked to Kai.
"I don't know." Kai shrugged. "I've never been here before."
"I got it." Sal said as he pulled out his ECHO and called Roland. "Hey boss, we're here. What now?"
"Excellent, now, you'll have to signal our man." Roland said over the ECHO. "I'd bet anything he's sleeping off a hangover, so you'll have to wake him up. The sound of some Varkids burning alive at the same time oughta do it. You all got fire weapons, right?"
There were several replies as everyone but Kai pulled out fire weapons. He just walked over near the mouth of the skull.
"Good. Now the Varkids won't make that screechin' noise unless you burn them. You've got to set the Varkids on fire to wake our-"
Everyone suddenly covered their ears as Kai let out an ear-piercing whistle that reverberated access the tundra. "KAI! What the fuck are you trying to do, deafen us!?" Gaige shouted.
"Aww suck it up. The ringing will go away in a minute… Probably."
"Soooo, why did you blast our eardrums." Maya asked.
"Just wait for it."
It was quiet for several more seconds until Axton spoke up. "Kai, I don't know what you're doing but this is wasting-"
"I said wait for-" Kai was interrupted suddenly by a far off bird screech, a second later it was followed by a yell of pain that echoed across the tundra.
"BLOOD! Qué demonios chica!?" Echoed over the tundra.
"Ah, there it is." Kai said cheerfully.
Roland just let out a sigh. "I don't even want to know. Alright, I'll just leave you all to it. Roland out."
With a cheeky grin Kai whipped out his ECHO and punched in a contact. "Heeeey Morde, rise and shine you drunken bastard."
"FUCK YOU MAN! Why the hell did you teach Bloodwing how to do that!" Mordecai screamed over the ECHO.
"I didn't teach her anything." Kai denied. "It was Hati who taught her that one and then told me what to do." He replied with a grin.
"Damn bastard." Mordecai muttered.
"Love you to birdman. So what was there a reason for you being blackout on top of a fucking mountain… Again?" Kai asked.
"I mighta celebrated a little too hard last night after Bloodwing and I raided a Hyperion convoy. Ain't that right, Blood?" Morde asked, earning a loud shriek from Bloodwing." "Anyways what are you guys doing here?"
"Roland told us to call you when we got here. Something about you knowing where and when the Vault key would appear and have us meet someone who can help us." Axton said.
"Right, right. I'll give you guys the full rundown once you're in Tina's workshop, just follow my directions and I'll guide you guys through the minefield."
"Minefield? Why would you have a minefield out here?" Maya asked.
"ATTACK!" They all heard someone yell. The gang turned to see a group of about a dozen or so psychos, psycho midgets, and a single psycho badass all came out of a ravine about two hundred meters from the group and charged towards the mountain with psychotic glee. However, the lead midget must have triggered one of the mines as it and a dozen bouncing Betty type mines flew out of the ground and exploded all around them. When the smoke cleared only one psycho was alive if barely considering all the blood, burns and the odd way his neck was twisted were any indication. At that moment several adult varkids flew down and started eating the now screaming psycho to the Vault Hunters mixed surprise and horror.
"That's why." Mordecai said without a hint of worry.
"Morde, just how crazy is this Tina person?" Kai asked. As if the universe was fucking with them, a massive explosion erupted two hundred meters into the air of to the left side of the mountain. From the ash cloud they could see dozens of Paycho's and Bandits falling.
"I give you exhibit A." Mordecai said as the other picked themselves up from the ground after ducking for cover.
Kai?" Gaige asked as they gawked at the mushroom cloud.
"Yea Gaige?" Kai answered as he also stared.
"It's gonna be one of those days, isn't it?"
*Sigh* "Yep." Kai replied.
After that, it took the team a good twenty minutes to navigate the minefield with Mordecai's help. "Sorry about that Vault Hunters, we had to install the minefield recently because the bandit gangs were starting to get a little rowdier than usual… It was Tina's idea."
"Honestly if this is what this bomb maker calls normal, I don't think I want to meet them." Sal stated as he glanced at a nearby Crimson Lance mine that was as big as Krieg. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I like blowing things up as much as the next guy, but even I have safety limits."
"I know Tina can be…odd, but she's the most gifted demolitions expert on Pandora. Just do what she asks, and I guarantee she'll help you hijack the train and get the vault key. Now, I have some other matters to attend to so I'll leave you all to it." Roland said over the line as the Vault Hunter reached a massive reinforced blast door.
"Well how the fuck do we get inside because I don't see a doorbell." Axton said jokingly.
Sal walked over and began pounding the door several times with the butt of his shotgun. "HELLOOoooOOO! Anyone home! We're Vault Hunters and we're bored!"
"Sal, that a metal blast door, I doubt anyone will hear you yelling thro-." Maya started to say before the door suddenly began to rumble slowly started to rise up.
"Come on iiii-iiin~. You're missin' the fun!" Came the voice of a child over the ECHO. Everyone looked at each other with a look of confusion as none of them had ever seen or heard of a kid on Pandora outside of the walls of one of the major settlements.
Finally, after several more seconds, the door opened up all the way with a heavy metal clank indicating it had finished, and signaling the Vault Hunters to enter. They all entered the cave only to stop seconds later at the sight before them. The cavern was massive, with the entire area dotted with random supply crates and barrels, most of which were marked with fire and explosive hazard symbols. On the roof of the cave were dozens of old heavy Crimson Lance anti-ship mines that were all wedged into the rock. In a far corner was the odd sight of a quaint little house built into the rock and a garage to the right of it. Finally, at the center of the cave was what looked like an old heavy retractable circular warn steel blast door in the floor.
However, the sight that had all of the Vault Hunter's attention was a single psycho struggling was tied to a post, with several sticks of dynamite strapped to his hands. Dancing around the Psycho was a little blonde-haired girl who looked to be no more than thirteen. "All around the Sta-actus plant, the stalker chased the bandit~. The stalker thought 'twas all in fun~. POP!" The girl gleefully screamed as she jumped on a TNT plunger, triggering the TNT and blasting the Psycho into a hundred pieces.
"Goes the bandit!" The girl finishes before hopping down and turning around, spotting the observing Vault Hunters. "Oh haiiii!"
Gaige looked over the little girl, and what she saw was… interesting. The girl was a haphazard mismatch of clothes and items including a short pink and brown apron dress with a white rabbit doll head on the skirt part. Below that she had on a pair of orange and brown shorts that came down to her knees, with mismatched socks with a white one on the right with pink rings on the right and pink knee-high sock on the left foot. Her hair was a short unkempt straw blond with pink ribbons tied on the bangs of both sides of her face. Finally sitting on the left side of her head was a battered bandit mask, which seemed to fit the girl's crazy look that could be seen in her blue eyes.
"Roland told me you were comin', I still owe him for all that buttcrap with General Rancid." She said cheerfully as she twirled around and started walking further into the cavern. "So, you guys gotta hijack a train, hunh? Chiiiilds play! Lemme introduce you all to my-"
"Cristina?" Kai asked, causing the girl to freeze in her tracks. The Vault Hunters confusingly looked between the two as Kai looked like he was staring at a ghost while Tina was quiet. "Cristina… is it really you?"
Before anyone could ask what was going on the little bomb maker whipped around and pulled out a pink Tediore rocket launcher with a bunny painted on it and had it aim at the group. "WHO THE MOTHA HUMPING HELL ARE YOU AND HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT ACURSED NAME!? No one but my parents knew that name, which means you must be a Hyperion spies, here to take me from my home, steal my bombs, and force me to eat fresh organically grown broccoli for all my meals!"
". . . What?" Kai asked.
"I SAID TALK!" Tina yelled.
"Woah, Tina what the hell are you doing?" Mordecai asked as he walked over from a nearby door that looked like it led to the lookout on top of the mountain.
"Morde! We have a spy in the base! Eliminate the spy!" She screamed
Mordecai looked at Kai for a few seconds before turning back to the bomb maker. "Tina this guy is the last man I'd suspect as a Hyperion spy." Mordecai said as he pointed to Kai.
"Dammit, Morde!" Tina yelled at the sniper. As Tina was distracted, Kai slowly pulled out his photon sphere. "He's a spy I tell you! He knows things that one but me knows. So make with the shotty shotty and kill this-"
Kai suddenly dropped the Photon sphere between them where it lite up in a blinding blue flash. A second later Hati formed and landed on the ground in front of Kai ready to attack, only the wolf stopped when he realized that Mordecai was there and a kid with a Rocket Launcher. Hati looked around and turned to Kai. Woof woof (what the fuck did you do this time?)
"Later man, I need you to execute K3W11 dot EXE now."
Hati suddenly turned on Kai with a sudden growl of anger and a malice glare in his eyes.
"I know I swore, but this is one of those "violence is not an option so make peace at all cost moments" and that feature is the only thing that can possibly work right now! I'll pay you back later buddy but please just do the thing."
Hati just groaned before giving a huff. He turned to Tina who was eyeing the wolf with equal caution as she did with Kai. Hati just let out another sigh before his whole form flashed everyone with a bright light. When it faded Hati's normal body was replaced by. . .
. . .
. . .
an adorable fluffy little wolf pup which let out an illegally cute little whine of discontent.
". . . Kai, what the fuck?" Axton asked while Gaige and Maya were squealing on the inside of their minds. 'SO CUTE!' They thought together. Zer0 for some reason seemed to twitch at the sight of Hati's new form.
The target in question however just stared at the wolf pup for several seconds… And several more seconds. . . And several mo-
*VVVOOOM!* "OH MY GOSH YOUR SO CUTE AND FLUFFY!" Tina screamed as she was now hugging the pup and twirling him around in happiness.
Kai let out a sigh and dropped his arms. "Thank God. Now Tina do-" before he could continue he found the rocket launcher shoved right back into his face.
"I'm still not done with you, spy!" Tina yelled. Hati began to snicker at Kai's situation only to receive a glare from the rebel.
"Oh come on!" He looked back at the girl. "Look, Tina I'm not a spy."
"Then how do you know that name, huh? SPILL IT BITCH!" Tina yelled.
Kai let out a sigh and looked directly into Tina's eyes. "Simple… Because I'm your cousin."
Everyone there just stared at Kai in shock as Tina looked at him with a look of disbelief. "I-if that's true… then prove it! All you've done is talk with your silver tongue that you're trying to hypnotize me with even now! What proof do you have, spy!"
Gaige watches as Kai slowly puts his hand in his pocket and pulls out the small tin where he keeps his photos. He shuffled through several photos till he pulled out a single old photo, which he stared at for several moments with a look of remembrance as long ago memories flooded his mind. He slowly held out the photo so that Tina could see it. Tina looked down at the photo and stared at it, after several seconds her face slowly began to morph from anger to shook. She dropped both Hati (with a surprised yelp) and the rocket launcher to the ground and gingerly took the photo from Kai's hand as if it was a fragile piece of crystal, never taking her eyes off of it. Gaige moved over a little closer to see the photo, it contained several people and a pair of small kids. There were two men and two women who looked almost identical apart from how their hairstyle's and how they were dressed. Standing by the one couple was a younger Kai who looked to be eight to nine years old. The women in the other couple had a small blond-haired girl in a pink dress who looked to be four or five sitting on her lap hugging white rabbit doll. Both women and the kids had the same blue eyes.
Tina stared at this couple as Kai slowly moved next to Tina. "Mo- Mommy? Daddy?" Tina choked out as tears started to pool in the corners of her eyes.
Kai knelt down to his knee closer to Tina and pointed to the two women in the picture. "See those are our moms, that's your mom, Linn or auntie Linn to me, and that my mom or auntie Linda to you. They were twin sisters, remember. You used to get them mixed up all the time, and would call them Lin-Lin when they were in the same room with you." Kai chuckled lightly as Tina continued to stare. "You'd even call me big brother all the time since you thought we came from the same mommy." Kai said as a single tear rolled down Tina's cheek.
"This picture was the last time we were all together as a- a family." Kai choked out with a hint of sadness in his voice. "We had a picnic in the park near your home that day… We played tag and hide and seek all afternoon. D- Dad and Uncle Matt had to rescue you from a tree that you had climbed up to hide in. Uncle Matt… Your dad wasn't mad and just kept saying how you were his clever little girl for figuring out how to climb such a big tree at such a young age."
*SNIFF* "Daddy… Mommy…" She turned to Kai. "B-Big brother..." Without warning the little bomb makers floodgates open as she began to wail in anguish. Kai moved in and gave the crying bomb maker a comforting hug as she quickly wraps her arms around him with her face buried into the crock of his neck.
"It's okay Tina, your big brother is here." Kai said with tears rolling down his own cheeks. "Your family is here."
X-X-X
It took almost an hour for the little bomb maker to claim down. Soon after which she fell asleep, still hugging Kai as they had taken to sitting on an old sofa in Tina's tiny house with everyone else… Almost everyone, Krieg couldn't even get his head and shoulders through the door so he sat by an open window. Gaige had taken the spot to Kai's left side while everyone else either leaned against the wall or sat in whatever small stools they could find.
Mordecai was looking at the photo they finally got out of Tina's hand. "So you're really her cousin then… guess it explains why the fuck her eyes glow like a cat in the dark." He said before handing it back to Kai. "Used to freak me the fuck out."
"How did you guys get separated?" Maya asked.
"Her dad was the chief engineer on Anchorage Four, my aunt Linn had taken a job as demolition officer for a small space mining company that worked out of the same station a month before Hyperion forced their way into the system. They had taken Tina with her since Auntie Linn's contract would last a year and they didn't want to burden my parents with watching her. The last thing I heard after that was that a riot had broken out on the station about nine months after the occupation had started, killing seven Hyperion officers and wounding several more. The next day Hyperion abandoned the station and blew it up with a fifty-megaton nuke that lit up the night sky… I was outside playing with my friends Tobias, and Jenny when it happened." Kai said as he patted Tina's head. "I'm honestly shocked that she's even alive. As far as I knew no one had even left the station after Hyperion moved in… How long has she been here, we're there any other people with her?" He asked Mordecai.
"It was about six years ago now when we found her. Me, Roland, and Brick had finished a job out in Grubville when we came across her walking along the side of the road about twenty kilometers from Lockout. She was sunburned, bruised, dirty severely dehydrated, and looked as if she hadn't eaten a proper meal in days. All of her cloth were basically tattered rags and all she had on her was a stuffed bunny doll… and two basic un-modded grenades. *Sigh* The first thing she asked was ``where's my mommy and daddy."
Kai was extremely quiet but everyone could feel his tension and apprehension as he asked the next question. "... What happened?"
"As far as we know she and her parents had been jumping from system to system with a caravan of refugees. They landed at an old backwater spaceport here to resupply but someone sold them out and Hyperion captured the group… Sent them to a lab to run slag experiments on them." The tension seems to double as Kai gritted his teeth in sheer rage that was only just being put in check by Tina still sleeping by him. Gaige slowly took his free hand into her own to try and calm him down. Kai looked to his friend and saw the worried look on her face. Kai slowly calmed and nodded thanks to Gaige before he looked back to Mordecai and motioned him to continue.
"From what Tina would tell us her parents somehow managed to make a distraction that allowed her and only her to escape the lab. She had been out in the waste for nearly two Pandoran days before we stumbled upon her. We checked around several Hyperion labs for any other possible escapees but she was the only one we found."
It was quiet for several moments until a quiet voice spoke up. "It was the last time I saw them." Kai looked down to see Tina slowly stir. I had almost forgotten their faces until you showed me that photo. Tina said looking at the photo. She moved to hand it back to Kai who gently pushed it back.
"Keep it, I have other photos of my parents… That… That's the only picture I have of yours." Kai said with a remorseful smile.
"Thank you… Big brother." Tina mumbled with a smile.
"Of course... little sister." Kai said as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder and drew her close.
"So I'm just curious about one thing." Axton asked. "What's her deal with the name Christina?"
*BANG! BING!*
Axton slowly turned his head to look at the new bullet hole that had appeared in the wall next to his head. He and everyone else then looked back to Tina who had a Jakobs revolver pointed at him. "This goes for everyone here, utter that ungodly name ever again I will not hesitate to shoot you in the dick or lower lip, shove a live grenade up your ass and then feed your ass to a pack of Badass varkids before remotely detonating that grenade… UNDERSTAND LOSERS!" Everyone nodded immediately as Kai let out a small chuckle.
"Allow me to elaborate a little. That name was given to Tina by her grandma on her dad's side. She was this bitter old witch of a woman who hated Tina's mom like a psycho hates soap and vice versa. So after Tina was born the old wench somehow managed to get the birth certificate documents while my Aunt and Uncle were staying with Tina for the first hour. Auntie Linn had another name picked out, I think it was Harlow or something. However, Tina's grandma put her own name in place, to act as a reminder of her to auntie Linn even after she dies. A sort of fu- ugh messed up middle finger." Kai quickly explained.
"I think you meant to say, as a sort of fuck you." Tina said surprising Kai.
Kai gave Mordaci a death glare. "Kai, you saw her blow up a tied upPsycho with TNT less than two hours ago while singing a Pandoran version of Ring around the Rosie. Don't you really think a few swear words are the least of your concerns?" Mordecai deadpanned, making Kai look at Tina with a slight hint of concern before moving on.
"As it so happened, Polaris has this odd little law that prevents any kind of name changes to a person first name until said person turns eighteen, so she was stuck with it, however nicknames based on the name could be used in official documents, plus the old bat hated the nickname Tina as she believes it was uncultured. So we managed to turn it into a reverse middle finger situation. HA, the icing on the cake was that Tina hates her full name as well because it reminds her of the old hag. Tina would complain to me that the witch would always pinch her cheeks too hard, trying to teach her how to be more ladylike, taking her to boring ballet shows, and force-fed her homemade vinegar pickled brussel sprout spinach pie."
Everyone visibly blanched at the thought of such a dish as Tina gagged at the reminder. "Kaaaaiii! Why would you remind me of that crap!"
"Because may I remind you you once tricked me into eating that stuff. You said it was a key lime pie… I couldn't taste anything but that pie for a week." He said as he narrowed his eyes at the girl.
"Oh yeah. HA, that was funny. OW! OW! OW! OW!" Tina yelled as Kai gave her a playful nuggie.
"Anyway luckily for us the old witch got what was coming when her walking cane broke during one of her nature walks, causing her to fall into a ten-meter deep hole that turned out to be part of a rabid viper moles colony, which was later filled with four hundred kiloliters of molten metal slag as part of extermination since they were a recently introduced invasive species." Everyone but Tina just stared at Kai in disbelief.
"That the stupidest load of skag shit I have ever heard." Sal said.
"Hey, it's true. I still have an ECHO video of it saved! Here just look." Kai whipped out his ECHO and played the video which sure enough showed a grouchy old lady falling into a hole where the sounds of panic screaming could be heard along with numerous animals. Then after a minute a heavy tanker truck rolled up and started filling the hole with red hot glowing molten metal slag.
Everyone stared in shock and disbelief at the screen for several seconds. "Why do you have a video of that?" Zer0 asked, earning several more shocked expressions from the group for the out-of-character response.
"Ah, music to my ears." Tina said happily before turning to Kai. "I want a copy of that video so that I may fall asleep to it at night, dear brother."
Kai looked at Tina with a bit of worry. "You're a little more twisted than I remember Tina."
"Pandora will do that to a kid." Mordecai said.
Kai looked to Tina then back. "Is she that crazy?"
"Why do you think she lives out here in the middle of a frozen wasteland in a cave and blows bandits up for fun?" Kai paled slightly at the thought as Sal just laughed.
"She sounds like a Pandoran to me."
"Moving on, Mordecai, what's the situation on the Vault key?" Axton asked.
"So far we know that a train will be coming through the Tundra on the L four line that just happens to be about two klicks from here. There's a rail bridge that is the perfect spot for a derailment, the only problem is-"
"Some motha hampas from the Buzzard academy managed to steal my girls bodonkadonks." Tina interrupted. Everyone stared in confusion as Mordecai just sighed."It probably better if you just show them Tina."
"Hmmmm, OKAY! Follow me badasses!"
They all came out to Tina's workshop outside the house and followed the girl to a nearby gerage. "Lemme introduce you all to my ladies." Tina said as she opened the door revealing a workshop loaded with parts, explosives, wires, everything one would need to build multiple bombs. There was also a bed on one side and at the back of the workshop was a shelf with two white bunny dolls on it that Tina ran up to. "This here's Mushy Snugglebites, and this is Felicia Sexopants. These fiiiine-ass womens could stop that train for yas, but I'ma need their badonkadonks first, and they got stolen by the bandits a few days ago."
"I'm guessing she means explosives of some kind." Maya asked.
"Actually those are the explosives." Mordecai said making Maya raise an eyebrow in surprise. "You guys will be retrieving a pair of missiles that Tina will be attaching the explosives to. The problem is, the bandits took them to the Buzzard academy across the Varkid gorge, and as the name states they maintain."
"Oh great, infantry and air support! Is it Tuesday already?" Kai asked.
"Oh it will be fine my dear brother. Those morons from Buzzard academy may have a clever idea every once in a shag ah del, but these suckabutts couldn't hit the broadside of Rakk Hive's ass with a shotgun." Tina said as she bounced on her feet. "Now get out there and get me my Badonkadonks… Oh and do me a flavor and KILL ALL THOSE MOTHA HUMPA'S!... Nap time!" Before anyone could say anything Tina threw herself onto the bed and started snoring in a cute manner.
Everyone turned to Kai who stood there for several seconds until he turned to them. "Soooo… Who wants to go destroy a heavily armed bandit camp?"
X-X-X
The Vault Hunters were standing outside of the bandit camp which looked more like a small fortress. "So, any ideas as to how we're getting inside of this one?" Sal asked.
"LETS BIG WHEEL THE RAMPART OF RUST WITH THE STAINLESS STEEL MOUNT OF NUCLEAR FIRE, JUST LIKE 1955!" Krieg yelled.
"Dude, where the fuck are we suppose to get a DeLoreon for that in this day and age, plus I don't think it would even have enough power to get through the door." Kai said causing Krieg's excitement to deflate.
"Damn, and here I had hoped you would murder my enemies with a sweet ass ride." Krieg's 1340 Shotgun said.
The group gawked at the weapon for several. "Is anyone else still weirded out by that thing?" Sal asked, getting several nods of agreement.
"Don't worry my homies. Tina's got you covered. Big bro, check your inventory, I left you a present!"
Kai opened his inventory and scrolled through it until he came to a single item that was out of place. "Tina when the hell did you put this in?"
"Who cares, just do it! DO IT, DO IT, DOOOO-OOO IT!"
Kai proceeded to pull out a square-shaped device. Looking over it he saw that it was covered with multiple containers of unknown liquids, TNT clusters, and ancient Claymore mine, and several sticks of C44 explosive all wired to an ECHO device. "Wait? Isn't that the Tediore ECHO-2, that just came out last week… How do you even have one and why are you using it as a detonator?"
"No time to explain, set it on the door, then run like a motherhumpa caught by the Navy Seal husband after a bad day at work!"
"HA, sound like my third week at boot camp." Axton commented as Kai walked over and placed the bomb on the gate. As soon as it locked onto the door, the ECHO device lit up and a hologram countdown time appeared… With only ten seconds.
"Oh shit! RUN!" Kai yelled as the Vault Hunters all scrambled to get to cover. They all managed to find a rock or ditch to jump behind when the bomb went off, a cloud of dust blasted past the Vault Hunter sending shrapnel everywhere. When it died down, the Vault Hunter looked and were shocked by the results of the explosion. The door was still intact with nothing more than a large dent. The surrounding wall, however, was completely obliterated. On both sides, there was a ten-meter gap and craters, inside the camp were a dozen different body parts from bandits that were caught by the blast. further in, were a dozen more bandits staring back in shock.
"BOOM DE YADA BITCHES!" Tina yelled in excitement.
"HOLY SHIT!" Everyone exclaimed.
"Weeeell… DON'T JUST STAND THERE! BLOW THOSE MONDO BUTT HEADS TO CONFETTI!" Tina yelled.
"YOU HEARD THE BOOM GODDESS, WE MUST SAVE THE PRINCESSES FROM THE KOOPA KING!" Krieg yelled as he charged towards the gate.
Everyone ran in after Krieg and quickly started fighting with the Psychos and Bandits. "Map reads that our objectives are in two separate spots. One is down that alley past that Goliath, the other is upon that cliff house past that landing pad." Axton yelled as he pointed between the two areas, after taking an assessment of the situation.
"Gaige and I will take the low road with Krieg while you and the rest take the upper section. You guys are better equipped for dealing with the Buzzers." Kai told Axton.
"Agreed. Once you get your Missile, get the hell out of here, I don't want to deal with Bandits and Buzzards longer than necessary."
"You don't have to tell me twice." Kai said before turning to Gaige who was shooting a Bandit dead with an incendiary RokSalt shotgun. "Gaige, come on!" Kai yelled as he moved by her.
Krieg was going to town on the Bandits below a metal bridge between two buildings. He turned and fired several shots from 1340 into a pair of Psychos blowing one's head clean off while blasting off the arm of the other. "Target on left!" 1340 said. Krieg glanced and saw a suicided Psycho running at him with a pair of grenades in hand. Krieg turned and kicked the psycho in the chest, knocking him back several meters. Krieg pulled out his buzz axe and threw it at the Psycho, impaling the man in the chest. "Nice one, boss."
"Thanks tiny man in my gun." Krieg said before he turned and shot another bandit with two quick shots.
"Krieg, come on man, we got an objective to find." Kai yelled as he rushed by before something jumped down from above and landed with a thunderous thud, causing Kai to slip and fall as he stopped. Kai looked up to see the looming form of a Goliath standing above him getting ready to stomp.
"Hold still." The Goliath yelled in a happy tone. "Oh shit." Kai yelled. Before the Goliath could squash Kai's head like a melon a strong arm suddenly grabbed his jacket collar and pulled him back before the foot impacted. Kai looked up to see Krieg holding him in the air. Krieg set Kai down on his feet and pulled out his axe and stared down Goliath as Gaige ran up to Kai.
"Murder buddy, go find little Snugglebites orgy pole." Krieg said. "I'll handle the Koopa king." He said with a twirl of his axe.
Kai just stared at the friendly Psycho. "Did you just make a joke?"
"GO!" Krieg yelled, making the two teens run around the Goliath. Once the two were gone the Goliath cracked his neck. "You took my fresh toe jam. I want fresh toe jam!"
"I'll give you toe jam, with a PAIN SALAD! And a side of nipples!" Krieg yelled as he rushed forward.
"CHARGE!" 1340 yelled gleefully as they rushed forward.
As the teens ran through the maze of buildings and Buzzard hangers Gaige looked to Kai. "So what did Krieg say?" Gaige asked. "What does Snugglebites orgy pole mean?"
"If I told you, you'd die of a nose bleed then later beat Krieg senseless for such a comment." Kai said as they rounded a corner and found themselves in a work area with half-assembled Buzzards, plus several work tables with parts and tools. There were over a dozen bandits in grease and oiled covered overalls.
"MECHANICS! Show these intrudes what a grease monkey can do!" Yelled a large marauder with a welders mask as several bandits pulled pistols and SMGs while a few Psychos rushed forward with heavy monkey wrenches or crowbars. Gaige quickly pulled out her new favorite grenade as she tossed it between her and the charging Psychos. A second after it landed on the ground the silver grenade with the words Vladof painted on it exploded with a pop, as several Tesla coils flew out and blanketed the area. The Psychos were either unaware or uncaringly charged between the coils and were quickly all consumed in a fury of powerful electrical arcs. "REMY! I'M COOKED, AND I TASTE LIGHTNING-Y!" A psycho screamed before he and his buddys were turned into ash or fell dead. Two Psychos remained living and standing as they were smart enough to jump away from the tesla fields but Gaige finished them off with a few quick shots from her shotgun.
"I just love this storm front mod!" Gaige cheered happily as Kai rushed past. He had out a Torgue pistol with a bayonet on it. He fired several shots at a Bandit and Psycho, he blew a large hole in the psycho shoulder and blasted the Bandit's head off with a well-placed shot into the neck. Gaige switched to her Commerce Beta and fired at a Marauder that was trying to sneak up on Kai, the bullets hit the man caused him to stiffen as electrical arcs danced across his body as he screamed in agony. Kai noticed when the man started screaming and turned to see the sight. Without a second thought Kai pointed his gun at the Marauder and put two explosive shots into the Marauder's chest killing him instantly.
"That's right, bitches, my big brudder and friends are about to teach you some MANNERS. Nobody steals Mushy Snugglebites' badonkadonk and lives!" Tina yelled over an open ECHO channel.
"Who the hell is Mushy Snugglebite!?" A Badass Marauder yelled before a sniper round exploded against the man shield and spattered him with slag. "What the- Ugh! It tastes like piss!" He yelled before Kai and Gaige both gunned the tall man down.
"Thanks for the help Morde." Kai said over the ECHO.
"No problem man. Oh, got to go, looks like Sal and Maya need help with a crazy three armed Badass Psycho in a hula skirt."
"Did he just say they're fighting a three armed Badass Psycho in a hula skirt?" Gaige asked.
"Don't ask, besides it's not the weirdest thing that will probably happen on this planet." Kai said as he pointed his gun at another Psycho only for his pistol to let out a loud clank. "The fuck? How does a revolver jam a shell casi- you know what forget it!" Kai yelled before he threw the revolver at the psycho, managing to nail the blade into the guy's head blade first. "Every time!" Kai yelled as he pulled out the Fast Talker.
"Still having trouble with finding a sidearm." Gaige asked.
"Yeah, no matter how good they are rarity wise something always happens to them." Kai said as he pointed the Fast Talker at the Psycho who was getting up.
"I... I feel incredible! Like all of the knowledge of the infinite universe is available to me. All of the great questions, life, religion, existence, our purpose! IT ALL FINALLY MAK-"
Kai unleashed a hail of orange bullets that caused the Psycho to ignite into a screaming inferno! "AAAAH AAAH WHY!" The Psycho screamed before burning into a pile of ash.
"Oh cool, you upgraded the barrel to Incendiary." Gaige said as she watched the fire die down.
"Actually this is the second barrel I've made. I can swap it out for a corrosive barrel in a minute flat if I want, and I'm working on the shock barrel next." Kai said with a grin before looking around the work area. "Tina, what exactly am I looking for?" Kai said.
"On the bench in the back corner."
Kai walked over and raised an eyebrow. "What am I looking at here?" Kai asked as Gaige walked over.
"Oh my gosh, it's an DMX-6000 Air to ground missile with radar, infrared, and integrated ECHO targeting system, which is coordinated with a Xetel 9000 bio processor core giving it the ability to hit a target the size of a flea traveling at hypersonic speeds!"
Kai raised an eyebrow at the geek mode girl. "How do you know that?" But Gauge ignored him as she looked it over.
"That's Mushy Snugglebites' badonkadonk." Tina states happily. "She's my main squeeze. Lady's got a gut fulla' dynamite and a booty like POOOW!" Tina cheered. "Bring that back to me dogs so I can get my boos all dressed up!" She said as Kai hefted the missile with both hands. "Oh, before I forget, don't let her badonkadonk touch the ground. Believe me, that would be very baddy bad."
"Um, way?" Kai asked.
"Because it would be disastrous! Also, do me a favour and kill that bandit over there."
"What bandit?" The teens asked before a fury of lead started flying all around them causing teens jumped behind a nearby engine block for cover. Gaige glanced around the engine to see the welders masked marauder firing away with a rusty bandit spinigun. "Taste my hot load of lead, scrapers!"
A bullet ricocheted off the engine near Gaige's face making her duck back. "Okay, there's bandit with an assault rifle that shoots nearly as fast as your SMG but seems to also shoot four bullets per shot." Gaige said before the bullets stopped. The teens looked at each other before Gaige peeked her head over their cover to look, only to notice the Marauder was gone.
". . . Is he there?" Kai asked her as he shifted the missile in his arms so he could pull out a Tediore pistol from his inventory.
"I don't see him."
. . .
"DIIIIIIE!" The Marauder yelled as he jumped out of cover and unleashed another mag dump from his rifle. Several shots hit Gaige's shield before she ducked back down.
"Yeah, he's there still… Got any grenades?"
"No, I forget to restock yesterday after you took all of mine to use on that Squonax we fought off." Kai said. "But luckily I have a substitute." Kai pointed the pistol and shot a round off into the ground to disengage the reload safty before then chucking the weapon up and over their cover. Gaige glanced to see the pistol land about five meters from the Marauder behind a bench before exploding.
"Missed, try aiming little to the left."
"Umm, problem." Gaige looked and saw that the Gun had not returned to his hand.
"Where the fuck is your gun?" Gaige said.
"Well, obviously it didn't return to me. Do you have any more grenades or Tediore weapons?" He asked.
"Uh, no. As you said I used all of my grenades, plus you took my only Tediore weapon the other day." She replied hotly as her shield alerted her to being charged.
"That's because that rocket launcher was a piece of crap." Kai retorted.
"Who cares, it's still a rocket launcher!"
"Why not use DT?" Kai said as a bullet ricochet close to his foot
"Because I started an OS update for his digistruct system last night and it's still not done!" Gaige yelled back. "What about Hati!?"
Kai was about to retort when he stopped and thought about the question.
-Tina's place-
"Oh, my toast you are just so cute! I'm gonna hug you, petcha you, love you and pet you and squeeze you and call you George!" Tina yelled as she squeezed Hati who was still in his wolf pup form with an angry glare.
'I'm gonna rip Kai's ass a new one for this.' Hati thought as Tina danced around while seemingly trying to choke him.
-Back to the Plot-
"Aw shit, he gonna rip my ass a new one." Kai muttered.
"AAAAGH! Forget it! I'll deal with this shit bag myself! Gaige yelled as she jumped out of cover and charged at the Marauder.
"GAIGE!" Kai yelled in panic.
"That's it! Just keep coming, I'm gonna mount your lead-filled skull on my next Buzzard!" The Marauder screamed elatedly.
Gaige pulled out her Rogue Smuggler and fired as she just kept charging towards the Marauder as bullets flew by her or bit into her shield bit by bit. One to the right arm, 91%. A round to her thigh, 84%. The stomach, 77%. Left arm, 69%. Right boob, (OUCH) 62%.
"LEAD! LEAD! LEAD! LEAD FOR ALL!" The Marauder yelled as he shrugged off the shots from Gaige with his own shield.
"What the fuck?" Kai said in shock as he watched in amazement.
Hit to the shoulder, 58%. The foot, 54%. 51%, 48%, 46%, 44%, 42%. Gaige kept running at the trigger happy marauder. A few seconds later, there were several clicks as the guys gun stopped firing. "Shit need to reload ag-."
"EAT THIS!" Gaige yelled as she drew her left arm back and threw an uppercut into the man's chin. But instead of just knocking the man out, his entire torso was ripped off his lower half and sent flying into the sky in a trail of crimson mist. Gaige just stood there with her fist still raised up in shock and blood sprayed on her face and body. "Um, what?" Gaige asked as Kai walked over.
"DAMN SUPERGIRL! You went and WRECKED that boyz shit!" Tina yelled.
"Since when could you hit like that?" Kai asked, getting a shrug in return.
"No matter, that was SICK GIRL! Although I have to ask, how did you tank all that lead?" Tina asked as Kai nodded in agreement
"Oh, that's because my shield is an adaptive Anshin shield that adapts to gun types instead of elemental types. It can stack up to ten times to reduce damage from a singler weapon type for a total of 80%. However if the shield breaks, is hit by another weapon type or doesn't receive damage after a certain amount of time I lose the bonus. Maya and I found out when we went to clear out that Bandit infestation out front of Sanctuary four days ago." Gaige looked at her fist again. "However when I hit that Marauder I lost all of my stacks and lost 20 percent of my shield for some reason."
Kai thought about it for a second before setting the missile on a bench. Let me see that shield." Gaige handed him the shield and he quickly flipped it over and opened the access panel. He looked around at the components until he arched an eyebrow in surprise. "Well, that's interesting."
"What?"
"It appears that Anshin has been reverse-engineering bandit roid tech. However it's different, it appears to store the kinetic energy of bullet hits which then can be released in a melee. Sort of like an AMP shield." Kai said as he handed the device back to Gaige.
"Which means?"
"Which means you've got Anarchy for your melee attacks." It took several seconds for Gaige to digest Kai's words, slowly though she begins to realize the implications as a smile starts to form on her face. "Plus combined that with your robot arm that can already shatter concrete and well… You get the idea." Kai finished, leaving Gaige grinning from cheek to cheek.
"I am so BA!" She cheered. She then noticed the assault rifle the Marauder had dropped. Gaige went over and picked up the Bandit rifle which was a Unique called the Chopper. Gaige had to raise an eyebrow at the ammo capacity and fire rate. "Well, this is interesting. I'm keeping it." She said with a grin as Kai mentally moaned at the trouble that rifle was bound to cause him in the future.
"Alright supergirl, now that you guys got badonkadonk I need you to open your inventory and pull out the package I put in your inventory." Tina said. Curious, Gaige opened her inventory and pulled out a brown box with several wires sticking out, an old mechanical alarm clock, and a pink and rainbow glittered school calculator all strapped together with at least two rolls worth of multi-colored duct tape.
"Tina, when did you sneak a bomb into my inventory?" Gaige asked nervously.
"STOP ASKING QUESTIONS and find a nice little hiding spot for it. Gaige looked around and noticed an open grey chest. She went over and put it in place.
"Okay, found a spot. What now?" Gaige asked.
"Now I need you to enter the following code."
"Okay."
"Alright, it' 8 0 0 8."
"8 0 0 8." Gaige repeated as she punched it in before looking at the numbers. "Wait, is the code literally boob!?" Gaige said as Kai just facepalmed.
"And what if it is supergirl. I like boobs and there is nothing wrong with that. Now hit the enter button and get the hell out of there. You got five minutes to find some good seats."
Gaige hit the button and noted several lights turning red, indicating the bomb was now armed. She quickly closed the chest and turned to her friend. "Alright let's go."
They made their way back to the entry, where they arrived in time to see Krieg choke a Godlilth with his own neck, and then exited the camp where they met up with the others. "Awesome, you got your missile as well." Gaige said as they walked up.
"Yup, only it was after some weird shit." Maya said.
"What kind of shit?" Kai asked.
Maya thought back.
-10 minutes before-
Maya slammed into a wall and slid down. "Ugh, that gonna bruise later." she moaned in pain as she looked back to the fight Sal was running in panic as he carried the missile. Axton was firing away with his assault rifle as his turret was firing away, until a buzz-axe ripped into the turret.
"BABE, NO!" He cried out before something large landed in front of the turret. A badass Psycho in a hula skirt with a third extra monster arm coming out of his left shoulder ripped the axe out.
"ALOHA MY SPAM!" The psycho yelled before spinning around and unleashing a torrent of flames from his mask causing Zer0 to appear and roll out of the way.
"This guy is tough." Axton yelled.
"We need to disable him some ho-" Before Maya could finish they heard a scream drawing closer. Before anyone could figure out where it was coming from something landed on the psycho knocking him over and kicking up a small cloud of dust. Everyone stared at the dust cloud as they waited. Several seconds later a groan could be heard as the top half of a marauder appeared out of the dust.
"What the hell just happened." The Marauder asked. As the dust cleared more the Marauder, to his own surprise, raised fair taller then a normal Marauder would. When the dust cleared up the Vault hunters realized that the Marauder's torso was impaled on the Psycho head. The Marauder stared down for several seconds at this in shock. ". . . . AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" He screamed.
"AAAAAAAH!" Everyone else screamed as well, including the muffed Psycho. "AAAAAAH, WHY ARE WE SCREAMING? AAAAAAAH!"
-Flashback Over-
"Huh, so that's where that upper half went." Kai said.
"Wait, that was you!?" Maya said with a surprised look.
"Me, no. It was R2-D2 over here." Kai said, jerking his free hand toward Gaige who gained a tick mark.
"I don't know whether I should take that as an insult, a compliment, or both." Gaige said with an angry pout as she looked away from Kai.
Maya stared in shock at the redhead. "How the ever-living fuck did you-"
"QUIET! . . ." Tina yelled over the ECHO getting everyone's attention. "Good, now witness, my magic! Abra, Kadabra, GIMME FUEL, GIMME FIRE, GIMME THAT WHICH I DESIRE! OOH!" Tina yelled.
A second later two massive fireballs erupted from the base quickly engulfing it in a glowing ball of flames. "AEWWW, THAT A SPICY MEATBALL!" Tina yelled as everyone picked themselves up for the third time that day.
"Tina, what the fuck did you put in those bombs!?" Axton said.
"I put in all of my love, charity and kindness."
"Are you really pretending to be cute after THAT!" Axton yelled motioning to the still raising fireballs.
"BITCH I'M ADORABLE!" Tina yelled as Kai facepalmed and muttered something about how proud his aunt would be.
"Screw this, let's just get back to the cave." Gaige said as she turned and walked away. "I need a shower." She muttered.
-An Hour Later-
They all return to the cave where Kai and Salvador placed the missiles on a workbench in Tina's workshop. "There's your bodonkadonks. Ugh… So why could we not set them on the ground?" Sal asked as he rolled his sore shoulder.
"Because they would have gotten dirty." Tina said as she checked them over.
". . . And?" Kai inquired.
"And what? Do you know how hard it is to wash dirt off a bodonkadonk! It would be disastrous." Tina cried out.
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!" Both Sal and Kai yelled out while the others gathered near Mordecai.
"So what do we do now?" Axton asked as he took a seat on a nearby ammo crate.
"Well, Tina will probably have the missiles-"
"Bodonkadonks!" Tina yelled as she flailed around in Kai outstretched hand as he carried her to the group by the back of her shirt collar. "There called bodonkadonks Morde. AAAH!" Tina screamed as Kai dropped her on her butt. "Yo cuz, what the hell was that for!" She said as she got up and rubbed her bottom.
"For making a fight harder than it needs to be." Kai retorted.
"As I was saying, Tina will get the missiles done here soon, but the train won't be here for another two days at max." Mordecai stated as Gaige arched an eyebrow.
"Wait, does that mean we have to camp here for the next few days." Gaige asked.
"Wait, didn't Roland tell you about that?" Mordecai asked.
"Ugh, he might have mentioned it." Maya said as she thought back.
"And I'm guessing you don't have a Fast Travel here." Axton added.
"Sorry guys." Morde said. "And before anyone asks, I got the sofa already."
Axton let out a sigh and opened his inventory to pull out an old Atlas sleeping bag. "Welp I'm going to go find a quiet spot, wake me by O eight hundred if I'm not up." Maya pulled out her own sleeping bag and followed.
"I got to find a comfy rock." Sal said.
"Ditto angry man." Krieg said as he walked after him. Leaving Kai, Gaige, Tina, Mordecai and Zer0.
"So disappointed I am / Ready to fight we are / But wait we do." Zer0 stated with an angry face emote.
"He's right, what are we supposed to do for the next few days?" Gaige asked.
"Well if you guys are interested. I've got a few jobs you could do for me." Tina said.
"What kind of jobs?" Kai asked.
"Oh, a little rescue, a little bit of theft, and little bit of. . . fun." Tina said with a grin.
They all just stared at her for several seconds in shock. "As your only family member I feel like I should be concerned but I am too curious to actually say no." Kai said.
"Pique my interest is / excitement this will bring me / I wait for tomorrow." Zer0 said before he flickers from sight.
"I can never get a read on that guy." Gaige said.
"He's is a weird one." Mordecai agreed before walking off. I'm gonna check the area before I go to sleep, see you guys in the morning."
"So where will we sleep?" Kai asked no one in particular.
"Well, I do have an extra bedroom that you and your girlfriend can share."
"What?" Kai said surprise as Gaige's face turned crimson.
"WOAH, hold on we're not-" Gaige started.
"Gotta go! Those Bodonkadonks aren't gonna ready themselves." Tina said before running off leaving the confused teens.
". . . Well I don't know about you but today was fun." Kai said as Gaige slumped a little and let out a tired sigh.
"GRRRRR."
Kai froze before slowly turning around to see Hati in his attack mode with several robbins tied to his fur. "Oh... hey buddy." Kai said nervously. "H-how was your day?"
"Grrrrrr!"
"Oh… Well I appreciate the head start. . . GOTTA RUN GAIGE!" Kai yelled as he bolted for the door. Gaige stared after him for several seconds before looking to the wolf.
" You're not giving him the full head start, are you?" Gaige asked the hologram. Hati just grinned before rushing after his partner while charging a small Mjölnir in his mouth. With a howl, the wolf fired it at Kai who barely dodged.
"DAMMIT HATI!" Kai yelled as he kept running.
Gaige just stood there as she watched Kai getting chased as a small explosion erupted from Tina's workshop. At the same time, an argument between Axton and Maya had seemed to start in another part of the cave, while Krieg and Salvador decided to have a fistfight. "Why is life so crazy?" Gaige moaned.
X-X-X
-LINK REESTABLISHED-
-Resuming ECHO Review Log-
And that a wrap everyone!
(Tina) I have a big brother! THAT AWESOME!
(Torgue) And those explosions you made, THAT WAS F*CKING AWESOME!
(Gaige) And that new shield my character has. It's so cool!
(Kilo8) Thank alexyo3 for giving me the original idea for the shield's main feature of gun-type resistance. I added the theme and Roid ability to it. Full specs are at the end. Speaking of, I was curious if anyone saw the surprise family relationship between Kai and Tina before this chapter? I have dropped several clues in previous chapters and in my Side Quest story. I'm also curious if anyone saw Jade/Jenny's betrayal coming last chapter, or what you thought about her overall reaction when she was revealed? I didn't get much feedback on that.
(Gaige) Not gonna lie, that was so BA.
So some news before we go, as a general reminder, I have recently uploaded chapter 3 or Quest 3 for Rebel Anarchy Side Quest! This one is about the Assassin mission that takes place between chapters 9 and 10. Next with the reveal of Moxxi's pregnancy last chapter, I am giving everyone the choice to decide on the kid's gender. I've thought about which one would be funnier to write about and I can't decide because both would be hilarious. I'll be keeping this poll up for several chapters as Moxxi is still a ways off from giving birth.
(Gaige) Oh, I hope it's a girl, it would be so awesome to have a mini Moxxi!
(Torgue) No, a boy would be more f*cking badass! Think of a circus ringleader with Reiss's old helmet.
(Gaige) That would be cool, but a cute little badass Moxxi clone just sounds so fun!
(Tina) Hey Kilo, where is Moxxi?
Kilo was about to answer when a loud moan of pleasure could be heard through the wall. "AW YES! Ravish me oh lord of darkness!" They heard Moxxi yell.
(Kilo8) Oh, you've got to be kidding me.
A thunk could be heard as both Tina and Mister Torgue both fainted with nose bleeds.
(Gaige) Can this get any weirder?
Alarms suddenly sounded as the two looked out the window and saw a starship version of the battleship HMS Vanguard was outside with all of her guns aimed at the SOL II. A transmission screen opened on the window showing an older woman with platinum blond hair, glasses, and an aura of don't piss me off.
(Integra) Alright, Kilo, where Alucard?
(Moxxi) AWWW, Alucard, harder! HARDER!
(Integra) . . . That no good son of a BITCH! YOUR DEAD ALUCARD! YOU HEAR ME! DEAD!
(Gaige) Aww shit.
(Kilo8) You said it. Welp that is it for this chapter everyone. Remember to leave a comment and follow if you still haven't. Till next time Vault Hunters, Kilo8 out… BATTLE STATION!
-BZZZZZT!
- ECHO Review Log Terminated -
X-X-X
LOOT GUIDE
NOTE: All gear is based on level fifty stats.
The Cap
Manufacturer: Anshin
Weapon type: Shield
Weapon Grade: Mythic
Flavor Text: Someone get this man a shield!
Description: A hybrid adaptive roid shield that works two-fold. Unlike normal adaptive shields instead of gaining resistance to elemental damage, it gains resistance to specific weapon types. If the user is shot by an SMG several times consecutively, it will gain a stack point to that weapon type and reduce all incoming damage from that weapon type by 8% with each hit, until the stacks cap off at ten. If the shield is damaged by another weapon type or isn't damaged by the specific weapon type within thirty seconds it will also lose its stacks at a rate of one per every five seconds. Lastly, if the shield is depleted all stacks will be lost instantly.
While the user has any amount of stacks available the stacks can be used to amp melee damage by 15% per each stack. Upon use of a melee, the stacks will all be spent along with 25% of the capacity of the shield, and the damage reduction bonus will be lost. Note that while the shield reduces weapon damage it will not affect elemental effect damage.
Appearance: The shield housing consists of a rounded curved disc housing with a glowing white star-shaped emitter core in the center. The outer housing has a polished red, white, and blue trimming.
Capacity: 16347
Recharge Rate: 5723
Recharge Delay: 1.82
Max Health: +19481