Disclaimer: I do not own Noir. Some spoilers up to episode 24. This is in Mireille's POV.
HAUNTED
The silence was deafening as it echoed around my ruined apartment. I lie huddled in my bed, a small bed really...but without her here; I felt like I was adrift on a ocean without anything to hang onto.
I longed for sleep but I was haunted by nightmares when I slept. The ghosts of my past were here to remind me of all that I've lost. So why did I only dream of her? She was the one who took everything away from me, wasn't she? Even so, I couldn't forget the way her eyes had burned into mine, or the way she sounded as she pleaded for me to end her life, her soft voice filled with pain and desperation. I wanted to pull the trigger, I really did...
But I couldn't do it... I just couldn't...
Wearily, I climbed out of bed and walked over to look out the shattered windows of my apartment. I tried to forget about my possessions lying broken and ruined around me. Those things can be replaced, but she can't. I've learned the hard way that everything has a price in the end. Happiness and love are myths- only pretty illusions for fools. I've had to learn to live with my loneliness and pain.
So why did I feel like if she were here with me- I would feel that spark again? Why did I believe that I needed her to feel alive again? I remembered her as she slept beside me, her skin next to mine, the softness of her arms and legs as they accidentally brushed up against mine. Her wild dark hair would be unruly just like a child's, and so many times I'd fight the urge to smooth it back. She was such an engima to me... and yet, at the same time, somehow she was...beautiful. Why did I think that about her? How could I miss her like this?
But I did.
Was she suffering right now? I remembered as she begged me to kill her. She stood in the rain with her arms spread, eyes closed and with a slight smile on her face. She wanted it so much, I knew that she longed for death..because she knew she was damned. She didn't want to face what she had done to my family. But I couldn't give her what she wanted. So I left her there instead...
I didn't know what to do without her. Should I go after her and fulfill the promise I made to her in the beginning? Should I kill her and release her from whatever hell she might be going through? If I did, I could finally have revenge for my family at last. If I could only kill the person who took them from me.
Why? Why did it have to be her? I remembered her looking at me with those bright eyes of hers, and I could hear her soft voice in my ear. She had sounded the way I thought an angel might sound. She was made of darkness though, of the blackest black, so why did I feel like I was dying inside without her beside me?
I felt as broken as everything around me. Maybe I should just lay down on this floor that's covered with glass and stop this pain.
But I wouldn't do that. I have too much to do...
Because she had captivated me somehow and now I had to live with these feelings inside of me. I thought I had protected myself against these silly emotions, but I guess she was special enough to break through the walls I had constructed. I found I couldn't live without her. Why? Why her?
Kirika Yuumura...
The killer of my family...
How could you haunt me so?
END
A/n- Set right before Mireille finds Kirika's letter.