Authors Notes: Wow, really long wait for anything. Its like pulling teeth to get on the computer during the holidays XD. Thanks to all those who reviewed! This chapters for you, you are why I fought my way through my siblings to get to the internet XD Hope you enjoy the chapter ^-^. And thanks again for your patients!
Love or Blood
Chapter seven: Muddled
He called me in. His voice was, not surprisingly, a bit muffled by the large doors but I got the message and entered. The room was how I remembered it. It was in the same dark, depressing state of disarray that it always held. As if a very miserable storm had struck it.
The fireplace was lit, but all that seemed to do was cast flickering shadows across the walls, ceiling and floor. Light just did not want to stay put inside this room; it danced across furniture and made everything look almost as though it was moving. The typical fearful setting that would give a small child nightmares if they had to stay in here alone.
Moreover, here I am in such a fearful setting looking for my vampiric employer.
I took in a deep breath and stepped further into the room. Most would mentally say, 'Think positive'. I say, 'Think about anything in general.' Pick an object and work out its meaning. So I did just that. I glanced to my right and viewed the fireplace mantle: noting its elegant structure and estimating the time it must have took to create such a splendor.
It was hard, however, to stay lost in my musings on the mantle as I watched one of the many cascading shadows draw near. I swallowed hard trying desperately to retain my composure, letting my thoughts drift and capturing the first thing that came to my mind in order to analyze it.
Regrettably, the only thing that at the time was twisting in my head was my own fear. So off I went, barley acknowledging that I was doing so.
"Fear. How strange it is; to enter a place so calm while knowing what lurks within it to only have the composure you possessed flutter away once you face whatever was doing the said lurking. Control seems to shake away from you and your left simply rigid and stupid. Biting back the urge to shriek and cower away from your, physical or imaginary demons-"
I abruptly halted my train of thought: biting back, shriek, demons. Here I am trying to calm myself down and am only exceeding at worsening my fears…
"You're late. That's not the best way to make a good impression."
I bit into my lip and turned to face the sound of the Counts voice. Mentally, I praised myself. Thus far, I seemed to be in control of my nervous jitters. He stood a few feet away, maintaining his distance, as I was my instincts. The fire light played softly upon his features at this angle; his eyes were bright and features softer. Relaxing slightly, I gave a small bow but kept my hands splayed over my stomach.
One never knows when they might have to push someone away.
When I straightened, my breath immediately hitched. The space between us had closed slightly. If he delighted in frightening me he did a fantastic job of concealing it, as he seemed to have his attention set solely on the piece of parchment in his hand.
Just like me, he was a quiet walker. That in itself is a scary thing as men usually tend to walk nosily on their heels. I gave a small sigh through my nose. I was working myself up; there was no reason to be afraid. Just because he has a light step doesn't mean he's going to try to spring up at me out of nowhere.
His eyes flicked from passage to passage on the paper. He was calm, reading. Going over what it was I had to do. I needed to do that as well; concentrate on something so I can relax-
"The Stewardess has taken the liberty of compiling a list of things for you to do." He said, nodding his head toward the parchment. But as he spoke, he had given me something to think about, though it had nothing to do with his words at all.
Fangs.
"It's fairly simple, I'm sure you'll have no problem following it. Though, she did put down some things that truthfully don't need tending to daily." he continued, his voice trailing off toward the end of the sentence. He rubbed his chin thoughtfully and continued to study the list further.
"Carpets? Twice a week should be good enough.," he mumbled, and as he spoke I felt my head inclining towards the side slightly but had almost no control of it. It was fearfully interesting watching him speak. You never really hold a conversation with someone who has fangs. The night of my interrogation I had been too afraid to really notice them.
I can't help but to wonder why he doesn't talk funny with them, or how he can properly eat, if he eats for that matter. Moreover, what if he had the bad habit of biting his lip like I do? That would be horrible. I wonder if he can feel his teeth vibrate when he hums.
"There's really no need to beat the tapestries, and…speaking of…its rude to stare." I didn't really comprehend what he said at first. I may have even nodded because I wasn't really listening. By the time I actually got the meaning of what he said however, I turned scarlet.
Blinking I looked up to see him peering at me from over the paper with his brow quirked. I blushed further and averted his gaze. I felt like a silly hypocrite. Silly because not only was I caught almost observing him, but because of how long the pause was before I took into account what he had said.
Hypocrite because I not only hate being stared at but almost fear it as well. I would hate to make anyone else feel uncomfortable like that.
I opened my mouth to apologize but not surprisingly I didn't get very far. "I…," Swallowing hard I willed myself to look up at him. He was still staring at me, eyes going from a simple glare to a piercing one, "sorry." He scoffed and held out the list for me to take. I took it quickly and no sooner had it left his hand did cross his arms, tapping his finger impatiently against his sleeve.
"I Sorry." he repeated casually, "Well its no wonder why you don't talk then. Cant even put a simple sentence together." Biting my lip, I fiddled with the paper in my hands. My embarrassment must have shown plainly on my face but mostly I just felt guilty. It was obvious that I had offended him; he wouldn't be trying to make me feel inferior otherwise.
He sighed and turned walking toward his desk. Or what I thought was a desk rather, it was awful dark. "Well then I see no reason to keep you further. You have your orders; do what needs to be done." With that, I briskly turned and went to leave the room.
"That is," I heard him continue, "if you can read, of course."
That was a very low and hurtful blow. I felt myself go rigid at that prejudice. Just because I was a thief doesn't mean I'm stupid, just because I don't talk doesn't mean I can't. Frowning into the darkness I glanced down at the paper and said partially under my breath, "I can sir."
xxxx
Glancing back down at the list in my hand, I shut the Counts door behind me. "It could have gone a lot worse, I suppose." I sighed and walked down the hall. Surprisingly enough, my good mood had not gone from me. Now that I was out of the Counts room, I felt much better. Calmer actually.
My eyes scanned the paper but I took nothing in. Even though he mocked me, I still felt remorseful. I know more than well enough how it feels to be studied by another. Whether they are looking at you with praise or not. It is just so…uncomfortable.
With another sigh, I leaned up against the wall, quickly massaging my forehead before bringing the paper back up to my eyes. This time as I read the list I absorbed it as well. The Count was right, Hal-Liurz did give me many none essential things to do.
"Clean the chandelier?" I read aloud in disbelief, then glanced upward toward the very high ceilings.
It was either I live up to my name, hummingbird, and sprout wings or I am going to need a ladder.
XXXX
The Count listened and waited for the maid to leave the room. She did and quickly but not before muttering something under her breath. "I can sir." He had half expected an insult; thieves were famous for little jabbing comments, especially when they thought that they were out of earshot.
As the door clicked behind her, he sighed heavily and began to massage his temples. "Sure she's quiet. But she's one of those silent on-watchers." At the moment, he didn't know which he found more annoying: babblers, or curious mute maids.
Normally, he wouldn't have paid it much mind. The Count was used to being stared at, but if this girl was supposed to be around him while he was up…those big eyes were going to get very annoying. He had no patients for rudeness, there was a difference between simply staring and actually having your concentration fixated on something.
He shook his head lightly, while absently paying close attention to the sounds of the girl in the hallway. The noise was faint but he could still hear her heart beat. Naturally, he was curious as to what she was doing. Her footsteps had abruptly stopped, not faded down the corridor like they were supposed to.
What she said was muffled and soft but he did catch the word, 'chandelier'. He, unlike the maid, found this highly amusing. The Count snorted, thinking of the sudden dismay in the maid's expression as she looked up to observe the light she was to do, wondering how she was to climb the ceiling.
"Probably freighting over how the evil vampire will fare if she can't get her work done." He mused walking toward his desk. Taking a seat in his overstuffed chair, he began to drum his fingers against the smooth wooden surface. His face crumpled into contemplation as a sudden problem arose, "How is she going to get up there?,"
Janus pursed his lips in thought. Brining a ladder into his manor was out of the question. "Could always just through her." With another drawn out involuntary sigh, he reached into his desk and pulled out a small bottle of ink, parchment and quill. He had a letter to write. True, his old friend would find his now rather uncomfortable predicament amusing, but regardless he needed reassurance.
Sure, this maid was young, but don't the living acquire wisdom thus common courtesy once they age?
His quill feverishly scratched at the parchment as the minutes ticked by. The note explaining in detail of his new found red haired, silent, tormentor. But as the wax of the seal began to dry the Count found himself thinking again. Everything was strangely quiet. If the maid was still working a noise was bound to occur sooner or later.
Picking up the note from the desk and placing it in his coat pocket, he went for the door. He needed to see Shum gro-Yarug anyway, to have him send the letter to Cheydinhal, why not take a quick stroll around his home first?
Janus didn't think of this as nosey, he had every right to walk about his home. He did however, justify his suspicion and rather quiet steps. He was supposed to keep an eye on her, if she was even still in his manor.
xxxx
It was all so quiet. Without the usual bustle that Tualga makes, the manor was so still that the only word I could think to describe as was 'dead'. I worked quickly within this silent setting, mentally checking off what I finished that was on the list. It consisted of rather basic things to do which allowed me to finish with time to spare.
For this I was glad, spare time meant that I could take a breather and be away from watching eyes for once. It actually came to a shock to me though; how much I would miss the others company. I try not to rely on people and I barley talk to them when they're around for that matter, but there was no denying the sudden want for company.
It's an unfamiliar feeling really.
Strange. The only people who I usually ever long to see is my family. You never realize how lonely you are until you stand alone in the dark with nothing more to do.
But maybe it's just this dark that is getting to me. After all, I'm not sure anyone can keep themselves from dwelling on depressing subjects in such gloom. The Count must have come accustom to the blackness by now. Porphyric hemophilia aside though, I think he should get mage lights or some torches at the least.
My eyes were now as used to the dim lighting as they could possibly get, so I took advantage of what little time I had left. No, I was not going to think on depressing topics. I would much rather scan the titles of books the Count has in his library.
I have been in there many times but never was I alone, and if I was, my work kept me from so much as glancing at the books. But now as I look up at the shelves, its truly worth the risk of being scolded for. I have never seen such a vast collection in all of my life.
Big and small, leather bound or paperback, he had them all. My eyes must have been as large as Masser once they flicked from cover to cover. Some titles I couldn't even pronounce, others in different languages.
I could vaguely remember the first time I saw his collection. I wanted to take them all and keep them to myself, but my morals on stealing books prevented me from doing so. Now though, I was so much more than tempted to take them.
My hand, as if it had a mind of its own, was slowly reaching towards the spine of a large purple book. Before my fingers could even brush against the spine however, I snatched it away. "No." I scolded myself quietly. "I'm not a thief anymore." Biting my lip, I went for the door. Adrenaline rushed through my veins as it used to do right before I would steal anything.
Knowing that my body's natural instincts for stealing were coming into play made me almost run out of the room. Never before had I wanted to grab something so badly, but I knew better now. I always hated being a thief, hated myself for having to sink to stealing in the first place. I certainly would not take from the only person who trusted me around their things.
Shutting the manor door behind me, I pulled the small silver key from my pocket and began to study it for a moment. "Although," I glanced around nervously as I locked the door, "stealing and lending are not the same things…"
XXXX
The Count smiled triumphantly as he watched the girl sharply withdraw her hand from 2920 Sun's Dawn, a history book he was rather fond of. For a moment he actually thought she was going to take it, she proved him wrong. Which caused him of course to give a small lackadaisical smile in turn.
He had her summed up just about right. His eyes scrutinized her back as he monitored her exit of his library. Only when she was gone did he step from the shadows.
No, he most certainly was not spying, just keeping a watchful eye on things. In addition, he was certainly glad that he did so. For his little observation proved that even though she was tempted to steal, she did not. The opportunity must have seemed perfect; she did not know that her employer was only several feet behind her.
She could be trusted…to an extent. He gave an approving nod and also left the library. Now he would go locate his butler, rather than ring a bell and summon him.
xxxx
It was far too much broken sleep. That's what must be making me act and feel so strangely. In truth, I feel terrible, lowly, guilty, things of that like, the list goes on. Someone needed to scold me 'Shame, shame Abigale Lynn.' I almost stole again; I almost took something from someone who is kind to me.
My attempt to act natural was a failure. As I entered our room, I yanked out my hair tie and flopped onto my cot, burring my face into the pillow.
I wanted to vanish, better yet, melt into the sweet smelling pillow and never be disturbed again. It may seem as though I am over reacting to some, but truthfully, I am scum of Nirn for even contemplating theft. For those who never stole, you simply don't know what its like. Especially if you usually were stealing for your own survival.
The only real way to describe it as is like a drug. Addicting and sinful. I may not believe in Aedra but I do know what sin is. I lived off of it for sometime and paid for it daily. When you steal when you're living on the streets you can always justify it as a life or death situation, but taking for no other reason other than pure greed and envy, it means you have become addicted.
About five years ago, a priest in Kvatch had once told me that everything in nature steals. I think he told me this so I would feel better about myself. Right now though I can't seem to find those words comforting. Maybe its because of my headache, that I cant find solace. Or maybe its just that I'm not an impressionable fifteen year old anymore...
"Err, miss Lynn?"
Looking up sluggishly I realized that I was not alone in the room. I must be really in a bad state of mind, I usually always know when I'm being watched. "You feeling alright?" Tualga asked as she stepped over toward me.
I quickly nodded. "In physical aspects, of course, I'm fine."
It took me a while to respond, tiredness finally taking its toll on me. But at least I managed a sentence, "How long have you been there?" She gave a smile and sat on the edge of my bed. "Since you walked in. Been lying there with your face in that pillow for nearly fifteen minutes now. Thought you might have suffocated."
For a moment, I just sat there, thinking of how my little overdramatic fall into the pillow looked to her. Poor Tualga. Watching me from the corner of the room most likely confused.
I felt a smile slowly take form on my lips before I could hide it.
"Smiles today miss Lynn? Well now," Tualga said with a laugh, "I take it work went well, did you see Hassildor?"
It must have been delirium, for once she mentioned the Count all I could think of was our awkward meeting. He too got to see the slightly sleep deprived Abigale Lynn. I must have looked so silly. Watching him talk as if I was in a trance. I could have been drooling for all I know. My dazed expression must have been so very uncivilized, he had probably not seen such a dumfounded expression in all his years.
Who knows what he thinks of me now.
I burst into laughter before Tualga, as I thought of how dare I say, stupid I must have looked. Its been a long time since I laughed at something so meaningless that it hurt to do so. To be quite honest I have not laughed this much in ages, I had almost forgotten what I sound like.
"I-I saw him." I choked on more giggles, shaking my head at today's utter stupidity.
"You talk to him?" nodding my smile grew, "Partially." I began to giggle more at the thought. I had to sound like a deranged hyena, one that desperately needed to go to bed.
"You seem…awful cheery tonight miss Lynn. Anything happen, anything distinct?"
I finally silenced my laughter and thought about it for a moment. The only distinct thing that I could really remember was the way he glared at me with scrutinizing garnet eyes. My sudden silliness soon faded as I abruptly lapsed into thought. I once again felt wrong footed. How would those eyes look if he found out I was taking things from him again?
My face began to burn at that. Being caught by him of all people was not something I wanted to dwell on.
"You've been giggling like a maniac, now your blushing like a fiend." she started with a pale brow slowly rising. "The way I see it, either Sheogorath's been visiting you or the Counts still a charmer."
I blinked, my face crumpling into confusion. "Charmer, the Count?" I repeated quietly, for a moment wondering if we were talking about the same person.
She chuckled lightly as I shook my head. I found the idea rather baffling, at the moment this discussion started I was thinking about him being angry with me. Hardly what one would consider charming. Regardless, whether or not I find him or any man for the matter charming nothing would happen. I would not fall into the 'love' and 'marriage' entrapment.
Matrimony is nothing but a stalker with a wring. The wring only there to, in a sense legalize the marriages' consummation.
I would never. I'm simply not interested. Abigale Lynn is celibate and staying that way. So any relationship is out of the question. Not that I could find another even if I wanted to. Hard to find a good man anyway especially if your like me and never allowed to leave a place.
Live pure and die pure I suppose.
"Whatever the case miss Lynn, I think its best that you get some sleep. Dark circles aren't very attractive in my opinion." she stood and went toward the door, blowing out the candles for me as she went.
I meant to ask her what she was doing awake at such an hour. Surely she would be resting up now with her new shift change? But before I could pose a question the bed itself seemed to be beckoning me. I laid down into the mattress, sleep quickly overtaking me.
Luckily my exhaustion kept me from having broken sleep. But all that talk with Tualga gave me rather strange dreams. Nothing that I will elaborate further on though.
Authors Notes: The wait was so long and I'm sorry (again). Abigale may seem a bit out of character in this chapter but thats only because she was verrry sleepy :) Her odd thoughts though are very importaint as she tries to rationalize everything. That is one of her many charicteristics and is a importaint one ;) Feedback is appreciated so R+R if you like, and thanks for reading!