Disclaimer: The Almighty Author, Eoin Colfer, owns Arty and crew. I just drool over them.
A/N Thoughts are in italics. Other languages are underlined.
A
Not-So-Brief Summary of Artemis Fowl that will surely get out
of control…
Artemis: I am a prodigy and I'm going to kidnap a fairy! My mom's nuts and my dad's missing but I refuse to believe he's dead! Arum Potestas Est!
Juliet: Um Arty fairies aren't real you know.
Artemis: Why don't I mind when she calls me by my mother's pet name for me? Butler didn't you tell her?
(Butler squirms)
Holly Short: I am the first girl in Recon, oh yeah! But Root's always a jerk. His face gets so red when I'm only like, a nanosecond late! (But it's always red, that's why we call him Beetroot…)
Root: SHORT!
Holly: D'Arvit!
Root: I'm firing you.
Holly: Nooooo….
Root: But you have to go catch a troll first. You have a lot of magic on you right?
Holly: (lying) Yes…
Root: WELL GO! BUT CHECK WITH FOALY FIRST!
Holly: Ook.
Foaly: Here! You get a gun! And don't be confident! Confidenceignorance!
Holly: Thanks a lot.
(Holly botches the assignment and has to go do the Ritual)
Holly: An acorn… that's not so hard…
Artemis: Ha! Butler, there it is! Shoot it!
(the fight you already know about occurs)
Holly: Where am I?
Juliet: Oh! You speak English!
Holly: D'Arvit!
Foaly: Julius we have a problem!
Root: Don't call me Julius.
Foaly: My tinfoil hat imploded!
Root: But that's not in the script…
Foaly: Just joking—Holly's missing! Oh no!
Root: Uh-oh!
(action that I am to lazy to transcript happens)
(Butler freaks some fairies out)
Artemis: I'll give you your officer if you give me a ton of gold!
Root: Nope!
Artemis: Fine.
(the troll happens)
(the gold gets sent in)
(etc.)
Artemis: If I give you half the gold will you heal my mom?
Holly: Fine. Lollipops.
Artemis: WHAT?
The Great Almighty Fanfic Authoress (aka me): I forgot to put that in. (disappears)
Holly: That means I get to punch you! (punches Artemis)
Artemis: Lollipops?
(they blue-rinse the Manor)
Artemis: Ha ha ha ha ha! I am smart! I am still alive!
TGAFA (aka me): We already know that. Book's over.