Disclaimer: You know the drill. I don't own anyone. Not Arty & Crew, not Kyprioth (he belongs to Tamora Pierce), not Chrestomanci (he belongs to Diana Wynne Jones), not anyone… (sigh)
A/N: You know the drill. In theory… But now I'm writing it partly in the style of Artemis Fowl: The Pointless Parody of Book One because it made me laugh so much. If you don't like it don't worry, it's a one-time thing. If you like it I suggest you read that FanFic.
The Eternity Code: A Summary, or the TGAFA up too Late at Night and Too Early in the Morning with a Laptop and a Cold.
Artemis: I think I'm going legit…after I pull this off, that is! Muahahahahahaha!
TGAFA: You laugh badly.
Artemis: Oh stop it.
TGAFA: If you'd just stick to the script, I would!
Artemis: But then what would you have to do?
TGAFA: All of you Fowls are so annoying…
TGAFA: I disappear.
Artemis: I am going legal, because my parents want me to… right after I pull off the greatest criminal activity of my career, under the noses of my parents and the LEP alike! Nothing can go wrong…!
TGAFA's voice booming mysteriously: In theory… But saying "Nothing can go wrong" is as good as putting a sign around your neck that says, FEEL FREE TO MAKE THIS GO WRONG! I'M JUST BEGGING FOR IT!
Artemis: Do you ever go away? And why are you doing this instead of letting me live my (not exactly legal) life?
TGAFA's voice booming mysteriously: Bwahahahahaha! Because it is all part of my grand trick! My grandest trick! Pulled off under the noses of everyone, even that annoying Kyprioth and that meddling Chrestomanci!
Kyprioth and Chrestomanci: We appear.
TGAFA: I appear. I curse briefly in a dialect of Gaenlieaq no one knows.
TGAFA: For some unknown reason I am wearing a purple shirt, jeans and my beloved purple RollerSkates which have already been mentioned and doubtlessly will be mentioned again.
Kyprioth and Chrestomanci: We are very mad at TGAFA but we don't say anything.
TGAFA: I disappear against my will.
Kyprioth and Chrestomanci: We disappear on purpose.
Sparkly Scene Change: I sparkle.
Restaurant: I am full of people who don't look threatening but whom Butler is glaring at anyway.
Waitress: Artemis is mean to me.
Artemis: I wonder who would kill me.
Butler: I am paranoid and think that most waiters and tailors in Europe would gladly kill Artemis.
Jon Spiro and his Body Guard who Presents an Extreme Contrast to Butler and has an Accent: We arrive.
Boring Business Negotiations: I happen.
Artemis: If you don't do what I want I will put you out of business.
Jon Spiro: I don't like those terms. Prove this is worth it.
Artemis: Sure.
C Cube: I am used to do something illegal.
Jon Spiro: I am impressed. I threaten to take the Cube thingie.
Artemis: I am cocky.
People in the Restaurant that Didn't Look Threatening: We have guns.
Jon Spiro: I leave.
Butler: With the help of an old lady I trigger a sonic grenade, save Artemis from it and then get cocky. Déjà vu.
Artemis: A rude thug threatens me.
Gun: I shoot.
Butler: I am shot. I shoot.
Arno Blunt (the Rude Thug Body Guard): I fall over.
Artemis: I freeze my bodyguard.
Butler: I tell Artemis my name, and then take a nap in a fish freezer.
Artemis: I leave, contact a detective who is Butler's friend and assure a lady I am not looking for my mommy.
Cryogenic Place: I am futuristic.
Artemis: I do not like the futuristic thing.
Nurse: I am smoking, ergo I am not a real nurse.
Artemis: Assures the fake nurse that he is not a lawyer.
Boss: My face is plastic.
Artemis: I will help this boss person put more plastic in her face if I can borrow her car and phone.
Boss: Deal!
Shiny Scene Change: Shines
Foaly: Is panicking.
Root: Is screaming
Holly: I have been sent out to see who made this phone call!
Artemis: Help me please!
Holly: If you are THAT desperate then I will.
Armored Van Thing: I'm rocking!
Butler: Ooo, I'm alive!
TGAFA: I am so bored, this book is ending right here. Note: good triumphs. As usual. And Arty is mind wiped. Uh-oh, I really have to— (disappears against her will)