WHTMT - chapter 4

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Two months had gone by, and while Kara was happier than she'd ever been, Sam was not. It wasn't that he wasn't happy with her - not at all - his eyes sparkled happily ever time he was with her - Kara knew it was because he was feeling bored. And claustrophobic. She had a ton of work to do, and was generally busy at least twelve hours a day, especially since a good half of the pilots had decided to resettle on New Kobol. It wasn't like there was a lot of cylon action - surprisingly, things had been very quiet - but CAP still had to be maintained as did the ships themselves. And with the short-handed maintenance crew that was left, the pilots were doing a lot of the work themselves.

Sam had nothing to do. Literally, nothing. Kara knew he wandered the length of the ship several times daily and spent countless hours working out in the gym, but still, it left a lot of time on his hands. He'd have loved to teach pyramid and form new teams, Kara knew that for certain, but that would require that he leave Galactica, and the one time she'd broached the subject, he'd been very determined that he would not leave her.

So he was unhappy, and Kara didn't know what to do to fix it. It wasn't till they were eating supper with Helo, Storm and Racetrack one night that the solution came to her.

"So, what's it like?" Storm asked.

"Cold. I'm guessing it's winter there - hopefully anyway," Racetrack chuckled, "otherwise those poor settlers are in for a rough life." She'd been the one to deliver a load of medical supplies earlier that day, and had stayed planetside for a few hours to see what it was like.

"Ever consider moving down there?" Helo asked, lifting a forkful of something indecipherable to his mouth.

"Not a chance!" she laughed. "Unless ... there's a hot season. I could go for a little suntanning, swimming in the river ... but this living in a cold tent with nothing but a fire to keep you warm is way too rustic for me."

Kara glanced at Sam, and the look of absolute and utter longing on his face was unmistakable. He looked just like he had as he'd strode across the forest clearing to wrap her in his arms when she'd gone back to Caprica to rescue him. He wishes he hadn't come, she thought sadly. He misses the open air, the sunshine ... the freedom you can't have living in a bucket of bolts in space. Then it hit her. He wants to go down there. He wants to settle on New Kobol - the rustic pioneer life is right up his alley, especially considering the life he's led since the first attack. And a sudden stab of pain shot through her as the realization hit her. I have to let him go - he can't stay here. This is the wrong place for him. He'll die - if not physically, then emotionally. He'll stop being the man I fell in love with - he's already changing. I have to let him go before living here destroys him.

Suddenly she felt as though she just couldn't stand to sit and listen to them talk about New Kobol anymore. She had to get away. She stood up and backed away from the table, probably more quickly than manners would dictate, which grabbed everyone's attention.

"Are you okay Starbuck?" Helo asked, a concerned look on his face.

She smiled weakly, as if to reassure him. "Yeah, just not feeling so good. I'm going to go lie down."

"Do you want me to come with you?" Sam asked, standing up as well.

"No, finish your dinner." She laid a hand on his arm. "I'll see you later."

She retreated to their room and sat on the bed, actually feeling sick to her stomach now. How could she let him go now, after all she'd gone through to get him back? All the pain and suffering she'd endured before the rescue mission? How is it the saying goes? If you love something set it free. If it comes back to you it's yours, if it doesn't, it was never meant to be. She sniffed, tears forming in her eyes. If I let him go, he'll never come back here. I'll have lost him forever.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Sam asked suddenly from the doorway.

"Hey, I thought I told you to finish eating," she reprimanded him, pretending to look stern.

"Lost my appetite," he said, shutting the door and coming to sit beside her. "You haven't answered my question."

"You're stubborn, you know that?"

He leaned over and nuzzled her cheek. "It's one of the many things you love about me."

Ain't that the truth, she thought ruefully. But thinking of Sam's more endearing qualities only served to sadden her more at the thought of losing him forever.

"What's wrong?" he asked quietly, making an effort to look her directly in the face.

She shrugged. "Nothing, really ... it's nothing."

Sam fixed her with a long stare. "I thought when we got married that we agreed to be honest with each other," he said seriously. "You're not being honest with me."

Kara looked down at her lap, ashamed, as a tear dropped onto her knee.

He put a finger under her chin and lifted it gently so she was looking at him. "Tell me," he encouraged softly. "Whatever it is, we can work it out together."

"No we can't!" she cried, collapsing forwards and burying her face in his broad chest. His strong, warm arms encircled her and held her tight, one hand beginning to rub her back soothingly.

"It's okay, Kara, it's alright," he murmured, trying to quiet her sobbing. It was the first time he'd ever seen her cry, really cry, and it frightened him just a little. For something to make the strong, tough Kara Thrace cry, it had to be pretty serious.

Eventually the sobs subsided, and she wiped her eyes and sniffled, breath still hitching in her throat. Sam let go of her and wiped her tear-stained cheeks ever-so-gently.

"Now," he began softly, "we need to talk about this, right?"

Kara nodded, trying to hold back the tears she could feel beginning to form behind her eyes again. She took a deep breath. "You're not happy," she said softly.

Sam's brow creased. "Of course I'm happy - I'm with you." He lifted a hand to her face and stroked it gently, pushing back the hair that had escaped her ponytail.

"You're not happy here," she repeated, trying to be more specific. "You hate living on Galactica." He opened his mouth to protest, but she continued on. "And I don't blame you one single bit. You have nothing to do here, while all I do is work all the time." She took another deep breath in an attempt to steady her voice, which was threatening to break. "You need space, freedom, fresh air ... a place to play." She smiled weakly at him. "Living here is killing you - you're not the man I met eight months ago," she whispered.

"Kara, I don't know what to say." He sighed. "You're right - there really isn't much for me to do, but being with you is enough for me."

"No it isn't. You're changing. I can see it - I can feel it." She took his hand in hers. "You're losing the part of you that attracted me to you in the first place - your sense of playfulness and fun. You're too serious now."

Sam looked into her eyes for several minutes without answering, and Kara could see the acceptance there - she was right.

"I want you to move to New Kobol. It's the perfect life for you. It would give you the challenge you need - a reason to live." Her voice cracked by the end, and the tears had forced their way into her eyes. She squeezed his hand. "You could put together those pyramid teams you're dying to organize and start a league down there. I'm sure many people would welcome a way to have fun, considering how hard life is for them."

"No! Kara - I won't leave you!" He was fierce, adamant. "I made a promise to stay with you forever, and I intend to keep it!" He was angrier than she'd ever seen him before. Come to think of it, she'd never seen him angry before. He was always easygoing and friendly - perhaps one of the things she'd found most attractive in him.

"Sam you can't stay here," she began, but stood up and started pacing the room angrily. He suddenly stopped and turned back on her. "Do you want me to leave? Is that it? You don't want me around anymore?"

Kara stood as well, angry tears running down her cheeks. "No! Of course not! How could you even think that?"

"What else am I supposed to think? You want to send me away!"

Kara shrugged. "I'm trying to do what's best for you. Don't you think it'll kill me to let you go?" she added in a whisper.

Sam closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around her waist. "Then why do you want me to go?" he asked, voice heavy with emotion.

"I don't want you to go - gods! I love you so much Sam - I've never been happier. But I can't stand to see you unhappy." The tears were coursing down her cheeks like a waterfall now. "And to know I'm the reason ..."

Sam pulled her close and she began a new wet spot on his shirt. He stroked her hair softy till she stopped crying. "I want to be with you Kara - more than anything." He put a hand under her chin and tilted her face upwards to look at him. "It's not your fault sweetheart, I'm here because I want to be."

"But you can't stay - I can't be responsible for doing this to you," she whispered. "I love you Samuel, but you have to go." She reached up and stroked the side of his face tenderly. "I can't stand to see you unhappy."

Tears pooled in Sam's eyes. "I can't leave you. I won't."

"You have to."

"Come with me?"

Kara pulled back and gave him a dumbfounded look. "Come with you?"

"Come with me to the planet. I don't want to go anywhere without you. We can build a life together there."

"But my job ... how can I ...?"

"Do they really need you, or just someone to do the work? I'm sure the Admiral could find someone to replace you."

"I ... I ... I don't know Sam, I ..." she stuttered, at a loss for words.

"Do you want to be with me?" he asked.

"Of course I do!"

"Then come with me." He smiled and her heart melted again, as it always did when his charm was directed at her. "We can still be together. Consider it an adventure."

Kara smiled tentatively. "How am I going to break it to the Admiral?"

TBC