Blurred Lines

Disclaimer: Maria-sama ga Miteru and its characters are not mine.

Warning: Yet another depressing chapter...

09 Humiliation

Yumi

Yumi did nothing but stay in bed the whole weekend.

She felt drained and tired from all the crying. Her eyes were swollen, her throat raw and her nose runny. She looked like a mess, an accurate reflection of how she felt on the inside. What she was feeling was worse than any of the previous break-ups she had. Those were painful too, but not like this…as if she just wanted to leave Yokohama, resign from her work and run away. But at the same time, a part of her wanted to stay, longing to still see Sachiko if even from afar, to watch over her and to support her without her knowing. But Yumi knew that it was impossible.

Yumi repeatedly told herself it was all for Sachiko's sake…so convinced that what she was doing was for the best for her beloved, yet why does it feel like she had made the biggest mistake of her life?

She doesn't know how she made it home after leaving Sachiko's apartment. Even she was surprised that she had held it together and kept her tears from falling. That she had stopped herself from breaking down in front of Sachiko as she knew she had to hold on to her lie.

It was already Monday morning when Yumi finally found the energy to get up. She had deadlines to meet and the workaholic part of her was pushing her to get out of bed and into the shower. She stayed under the running water far longer than she would have as she was still convincing herself that her life had to go on.

What Yumi realized was that it was much more painful to be the one to make that hard decision to end things. In her past relationships, she never had the the thought that things could have been so different, had she only taken a chance with Sachiko, was literally killing her inside. The thought of a possible happy ending was haunting Yumi, making it almost impossible for her to close her eyes without imagining an inexistent future with her.

Yumi soon turned off the shower and stepped out to look at her reflection in the mirror. She slapped both her cheeks, wincing at the pain as her cheeks reddened.

"You can do this, Yumi." She exclaimed, but even her own voice didn't sound that convincing.

She had to stop feeling miserable, at least on the outside. She knew how transparent she was, how hard it is to hide her emotions. So, the only way she could go out and not rouse questions from her friends in the office was to appear like that she is okay. It may be hard, but she had to keep her pain inside and put up a brave front. Should she come across Sachiko, she had to show the executive that she has no regret over the decision that she made. Or just maybe, Sachiko hates her so much that she will be avoided. That would be fine too. In fact, that is what Yumi is supposed to want.

She took a deep breath.

She also had to stop being selfish and conceited. She may be able to handle the pain, but she would not be able to bear it if Sachiko and her reputation was harmed or tarnished because of Yumi's selfishness. She had enjoyed her brief moments with her… she should be content with that and not desire more.

With this resolve, Yumi finally had the courage to continue with her life…she had to.

- - - o 0 o - - -

Sachiko

Sachiko gazed unseeing out her window, the sunshine peeking through the cracks being the only source of illumination in her otherwise darkened bedroom. Morning had come once again, just like it always did in its predictable monotonous manner. It seemed unfair that everything kept on moving on despite the fact that she felt dead inside. The events that transpired two nights ago were still fresh in her memory as if she could still hear the sound of breaking glass…her heart shattering into pieces…when Yumi told her that she was in love with Sasaki Ren.

She shouldn't really be surprised. She had taken that chance, made that impossible jump with only her faith and bravado to cling to. She knew about Sasaki Ren, Yumi also hinted that she hoped that what transpired between them had been a mistake, but still Sachiko chose to confess her feelings, despite the warning signs.

She had been foolish to think that Yumi would blindly choose her…that she would decide to be with her despite her not giving clear answers for the younger woman's concerns. She did not give any reassurance that they could brave through the challenges that would surely come their way, she did not commit that she would convince her family to accept their relationship and she didn't tell Yumi that they should just forget about what other people think because what mattered is what they feel for each other.

Sachiko was in despair because she knew she had not done everything in her power to convince Yumi. All she did was ask Yumi to be with her. Period. And she just expected to get a 'yes'? Surely she could do better than that. As an executive, she knew she had to build her case, but her overconfidence had overpowered her reason, and she then got angry when she didn't get the answer she wanted…just like the spoiled princess people thought her to be.

So when Yumi told her that she'd rather be Sasaki Ren, Sachiko had gotten angry (again)…because it was easier to blame Yumi than to accept the blame herself. But if she were to be rational (which was so very difficult considering her emotional state), she knew that man was the obvious choice, considering there were little to no complications in being with him.

She sat up and threw the pillow across the room. Just thinking about that man really made her blood boil.

This is how she had dealt with her frustrations in the past…through her anger.

She had never felt this before, this unbearable anguish, and she didn't know how to deal with it. The closest experience of rejection she had was when Suguru-san told her he couldn't reciprocate her affections back in high school…but the pain she felt now was incomparable (even light years apart). Back then, she had been sad for a while, avoided Suguru-san to the point of skipping all activities involving Hanadera, but she was quick enough to move on.

This time…it felt like she would be stuck in a rut forever. She knew it was impossible, that somehow she'd be able to get past this heart ache, after all, all things are passing and nothing is permanent. At least, that's what her intellect was telling her heart, however, was saying otherwise…like there was no hope that the emptiness inside of her would ever be filled unless Yumi came back in her arms, which she felt was impossible.

She was not sure if she could bear the sight of Yumi, to see her doing just fine while Sachiko herself remained broken. She was afraid to see Yumi continue with her life as if unaffected by what had happened between them…because Sachiko was so scared to realize that she had really been the only one in love and that she truly was not enough to replace Sasaki Ren in Yumi's heart.

- - - o 0 o - - -

Yumi

Yumi felt like she'd fall to the ground unconscious at any moment. She was palpitating, having difficulty breathing and her head was pounding. Mr. Sawada told her earlier it's just jitters and she did not refute him. It's not like she could tell him the truth.

Her boss had tasked her to present at the management committee meeting. After successfully completing her project, Yumi was included in the list of high-potential employees and her promotion was currently under evaluation. According to her boss, she needed to showcase her skills to fast-track her career.

Yumi was fine with the suggestion of her boss and in truth, she agreed to it. But that had been before her falling out with Ogasawara Sachiko. She managed to avoid running into the managing director at her job for more than a month, but it seemed her luck was finally up. And despite the time that has lapsed, Yumi was still not ready to face the top executive.

"Fukuzawa-san, they're ready for you now." Yoshida-san peeked through the open door and called out to her.

'I am not…'

Despite this, Yumi still stood up. She was thankful that she had been requested to wait in the meeting room adjacent to the boardroom. That way, she would only have to see the managing director for fifteen minutes, which was the allotted time for her to complete her presentation.

She had not come across the big boss since that day. It was strange as she had not been purposefully avoiding her…so maybe, she was the one being avoided.

In any case, it was good for her. It was hard enough to force herself to look happy in front of her colleagues, despite the fact that she felt broken inside.

Yumi had buried herself with work, taken on more projects than she had to so she could keep herself busy and distracted. On top of this, she went out with friends to drink and party, all with the hope of making her body and mind too tired to even think about Sachiko.

But somehow, it was not working.

Even if her body was too exhausted, or even if she was intoxicated with alcohol, her mind still found ways to remind her of what happened between her and Sachiko...of the heartbreaking choice she had made. She hadn't had any peaceful sleep since that day, her mind always reeling with 'what could have beens' and 'what ifs'. There were even times when she considered going to Sachiko's apartment, confessing that she lied and asking to be with her.

"Miss Fukuzawa?" Yoshida-san repeated.

"Yes, I'm coming."

Yumi squared her shoulders, put on a brave face and walked into the boardroom. As she took steady strides, she psyched herself up, convincing herself that she just needed to focus on the other directors and senior managers in the room. Mr. Sawada said the bosses are usually nice because they understand how daunting it is to present in front of the management committee. With this encouraging thought in mind, Yumi stopped at the front, turned to her audience and greeted them.

"Good afternoon," she began.

She was thankfully greeted with smiles, save for the person who was sitting at the head of the table. She hadn't even started and Ogasawara Sachiko already had a crease in her brow and an irritated look in her eyes. She was as beautiful as ever – which was admittedly an unnecessary thought at the moment.

Yumi began her presentation, her voice shaking just as much as her hand, so she chose to place them behind her back so that no one would notice. She spoke with practiced ease despite her nervousness, owing to the fact that she had rehearsed countless times at home, in front of her colleagues and her boss. The nods here and there were encouraging, and the reassuring smile of Mr. Sawada was pushing her on. Soon enough, she was at her last slide and she thanked everyone for their attention and asked if there were any questions.

That's when things started to go wrong…

"I do have a question, Miss Fukuzawa." The cold voice of Ogasawara Sachiko rang in the room, erasing the smiles from everyone's faces.

"Did you really prepare for this presentation?" The executive asked as she raised an eyebrow, folded her arms in front of her and leaned back in her chair. She was emitting an intimidating aura, one which made Yumi take a step back despite the fact that they were already at either ends of the room.

"I did, ma'am."

"Really? I know that everyone here was giving you supportive gestures, so that you might have felt that you did a good job. Clearly, one successful project was not enough to prove one's competency."

Yumi's heart sank. And one by one, the directors that were previously giving her reassurances either looked away or were now gazing at her with pity…as if they knew what was to come next.

"The message throughout your presentation was not coherent. The objective does not fully align with the conclusion. There are holes in your argument, which makes me question if you researched this thoroughly. Should I go on?"

Yumi wanted to ask for clarification, so that she could address those faults properly, but she felt like she wouldn't be getting any proper answers, instead, it would only get worse.

"No, ma'am. I understand."

Ogasawara Sachiko stood from her chair and banged her hands on the table, surprising everyone in the room and making Yumi jump.

"No you don't! You just wasted everyone's precious time, making us listen to your garbage of a report. What makes you think you're so special to even consider standing in front of me now?!"

"Ma'am, I was the one who-"

"No one is asking for your opinion, Mr. Sawada!" The top executive spat.

"No, it's my fault, ma'am." Yumi quickly interjected. She already realized that there had to be more meaning behind those words and she didn't want Mr. Sawada to be dragged into this mess.

"Yes, it is your fault! So if you understand that, why are you still standing there?!" The woman's voice was laced with hysteria as she shouted.

Yumi had always looked down upon herself. She felt inferior compared to someone like Ogasawara Sachiko, which had made it easier for her to accept why the heiress had to leave after their first night together. However as they interacted, Yumi had started having hope that maybe it was not so wrong to be friends with the executive, that maybe stature didn't matter to Sachiko.

But now, as she stood before her (with all the company's directors and senior managers as an audience) being belittled, humiliated and insulted, Yumi again realized just how small and insignificant she was. Her insecurities resurfacing, eating up her hard-earned confidence.

And somehow, it made her wonder…if she had chosen to be with Sachiko and the Ogasawaras found out about them, would Sachiko defend her? Would Sachiko choose to stand beside her and fight for their love? Or would she be a good Ogasawara daughter and follow her family's wishes? If Yumi had decided otherwise when Sachiko confessed, would the heiress be willing to leave everything behind for her? Or would she leave Yumi behind instead?

"Miss Fukuzawa!"

The Managing director must have noticed that she had spaced out, so she pulled herself back to reality and cleared her throat.

"You are right, Miss Ogasawara." Yumi began, in a (hopefully) steady and calm tone. "I am just an ordinary employee, someone insignificant, who doesn't even deserve to stand before you."

Yumi then took a low deep bow, keeping her prostrating pose for a few more seconds than normal to express her sincere apology through the gesture. Because of that, however, she was unable to notice as the top executive's eyes widened, her intimidating pose relaxed and her mouth opened, as if she wanted to say something.

Yumi then stood up again with her eyes glued to the ground, afraid to see those blue orbs once more, "I will take my leave and I apologize for wasting your time."

She then turned to leave, walking out with her chin held high in a desperate attempt to keep a speck of her dignity that Ogasawara Sachiko just trampled upon. She bit her lower lip hard to stop herself from breaking down, not wanting to further lose face than she already had.

As soon as she exited though, with the glass door closing behind her, the little bravery she gathered up had been exhausted and her body was wracked with an onslaught of sobs. She took hurried steps and quickly covered her mouth with her shaking hands to muffle her whimpers. Her chest tightening and her throat constricting as a sudden burst of emotion overtook her. She had never been embarrassed like this, had not been shamed in a room full of people.

She knew she had hurt Sachiko, but did she really deserve to be treated like that? A part of her wanted to think that Sachiko had the right to do this to her, that maybe she was just hurting and had not been ready to face her yet. But was humiliating her, demeaning her really justifiable?

Just remembering what had transpired made Yumi so sick to her stomach that she felt like throwing up. She broke into a run and rushed to the ladies' room at the end of the hall. She barely made it and continued to immediately empty the contents of her stomach in the sink, the bitter taste of bile filling her mouth... and mixing with the salty tears cascading down her face. She finally locked the door and fell to the floor in a disheveled heap as she wept unabashedly in hope to at least lessen the pain in her heart.

- - - o 0 o - - -

A/N: It ended to be yet another sad chapter, but I hope you understand dear readers that both girls are just in pain right now. They are unintentionally hurting the other, just like how people normally do when they are at their lowest point.