I had a dream sorta like this last night, and I was a weasel...
at least its better than the dream invader, Kabuto...
Note: I don't own Naruto, becuz if I did, it would be very creepy
Please Read and Review or Sai's Abs shall come to have a talk with you...
Mostly Itachi's POV
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Itachi was having one of those dreams….again.
Rat Poisoning
By Hammy Uchiha
It was a hot, hot day in July and I was tanning in the sun by the pool. Kisame was reading the newspaper, in his reclining chair and all was good until the mouse came. She was screaming like a banshee and Kisame and I were startled from our state of relax. Tail twitching in annoyance, I fixed a look of annoyance on Miss Barge-in-on-our-vacation. She with fidgeting and looking around nervously, she had, thank goodness, stopped screaming. But I mean really, who wouldn't be twitching and nervous in front of two fully grown weasels?
"Please, Sir Itachi, please help us!" she began to beg. Annoyed I lifted up my sunglasses with a pedicured paw. She was begging us with those big sad mouse eyes that they all seem to have. I shrugged.
"What's the problem?" I asked. We were detectives after all, we have to help those who need it.
"Murder," she squeaked. I shook Kisame a glance. The big weasel was yawning.
"Sure thing," I answered. "But before we get to it, could you give us a price you're willing to pay?"
She looked around nervously and then came closer and whispered the sum in my ear. A feeling of pleasure warmed my weasel-y belly and I grinned and toothy grin.
"Let me speak with my associate," I told her and crawling off the reclining chair, I gestured for the big blue-grey weasel to follow. He and I went inside the mansion to speak.
"How much?" he asked. I leaned over and whispered the sum in his ear. A grin came to his face.
"Deal then?" I asked. He nodded. It only took us a few minutes to get ready then grabbing the car keys I stalked back outside. The mouse was waiting, her whiskers twitching in fear. I gave her a reassuring smile and Kisame locked the door. He came over to open the garage, revealing a shiny new convertible. She was a real beauty. Her gleaming red paint was just begging for us to drive her. So hopping over the driver's door I landed in the comfortable leather seat. Kisame opened the back door to let in the old mother mouse and then, as I revved the engine, he got in the shotgun seat. With a grin of pure joy I hit the pedal to the floor and we were gone.
At that pace it did not take long to reach the farm where dear old mother mouse (who was hanging on for dear life at my driving) lived. It was a quaint country side cottage at the base of a huge sunflower field. The house reminded me of my own home, except this one was mini sized. Kisame and I had to wait outside as she scampered in to bring out some more mice who had seen the killings.
"There were these cookies," squeaked one child, hanging on to his mother's apron strings.
"Huge cookies!" added another.
"With giant chocolate chips!" called a third mouse.
"Yes, we've established that there were giant cookies, go on," I encouraged. "Kisame, take notes," I ordered.
"And as soon as cousin ate a bite," said a fat mouse. "PLOP! He fell over, deader than a doornail!" I nodded as Kisame scratched down notes of all this. Several similar stories were shared until I stopped them.
"Mother mouse," I addressed the mouse who had brought us here. "Are there any suspects you would like to put on our list?"
She looked around nervously.
"Well there is a new farmer, who moved here not three months ago," she said. "He and his wife were stomping around not long before the first deaths occurred," she squeaked. I nodded.
"Names?" I asked. She gave me descriptions of the two. Both were human, one with raven hair, the other with cherry blossom pink. I shook my head grimly, as I thought of the two humans I knew who fit those descriptions.
"Say Itachi?" asked Kisame leaning over. "Wouldn't that be Sasuke, and Sakura?"
"Shh! Never bring your personal life into a case, Detective Kisame," I said back. My apprentice sighed, obviously depressed, that he was nowhere as good a detective as me.
"Let's inspect these so-called "sunflower" fields where the crime took place," I suggested and the mother mouse pointed towards the huge stalks of flowers. I nodded and Kisame and I went to look for clues. While we walked, I sampled one of the sunflower seeds and found them to be of exceptional quality, and incredibly tasty. Then we saw it. The giant cookie. The mice had outlined the spots around the cookie were the deceased had fallen. I came closer to inspect the giant dessert.
"Don't touch it," warned Kisame. "I could be lethal." I nodded, knowing what kind of danger I faced. I took in a deep smell of the cookie. It smelled delicious. I leaned closer and sniffed again, it was faint but I could sense it on the edge of the cookie smell.
I hissed one word.
"Poison."
At that point I knew we were dealing with a formidable enemy indeed, who would trick poor innocent mice, with poison, rat poison to be exact. I let Kisame know that this mission could spell death for either one of us, and that it may be good for him to sit this one out. He insisted he might need to protect me. I laughed.
"I'm a better fighter and detective than you'll ever be," I said. "You need not worry about my safety."
He just shook his head, too embarrassed to admit that I was right.
At this point it was late afternoon. We had made across the field and were looking out across a dirt road to another field. My nose told me that it was a potato field. The tall stalks gave it away. I shared my wisdom with Kisame who shook his head again.
"Itachi-san, that's a corn field," he said. I was laughing and upon looking closer I nodded.
"I knew that, I was just testing your mind," I answered him with a fake smile. At that moment out of the former potato field came the sandaled feet of suspect number one. It was hard to tell from below but we were sure it was him, and right behind him came suspect number two, the wife. Her long pink hair, flowing in the slight breeze, assured me that it was indeed, suspect number two. They stopped, looking out across the sunflower field.
"Are you sure we need to pull out the sunflowers to plant corn?" asked Pink Hair, as I had dubbed her just at that instant.
"Yeah," answered Corn Child, as I had instantly dubbed him. "Those pesky mice need to go too," he said. I elbowed Kisame, but he was already taking notes.
"Did you really have to use poisoned cookies though, Sasuke," said Pink Hair, destroying my dub of Corn Child. Corn child, I mean Sasuke nodded.
"It was either that or mouse traps, Sakura," he answered destroying my dub of Pink Hair. They stood there for a long moment before walking off.
"We must let the mice know," I said. "That their mystery is solved and greater danger lies in their future!" I shouted to Kisame, who tucked the notes in his coat as we ran off to find the mice.
"They're going to destroy our field!" cried Mother Mouse as we informed her of the intelligence we had gathered. "You've got to stop him!" she sobbed. I patted Lady Mouse on the back.
"It's going to be okay," I told her softly.
"Then you'll stop him?" she asked.
"No," I replied.
"I'll pay you!" she tempted me. I looked to Kisame, he shrugged.
"We'll do it."
"How are we supposed to stop a human?" asked Kisame as we headed back for the border of the sunflower field.
"Opportunity will show itself," I answered my dim witted apprentice as we reached the edge of the field. It was now dark out. We threw ourselves into the ditch between fields as a great big red pickup with bright headlights roared down the road. It slowed to a stop as it came to us. We flattened ourselves against the grass.
"What is it?" asked Sakura from the pickup. Sasuke was leaning over her to look out the passenger window.
"I thought I saw something," he answered slowly sitting back. He revved the pickup's engine and began to drive off. Itachi was about to get up when the revving grew louder as the pickup came back. The pickup stopped and I watched as the two got out of the pickup and took a head of corn and lit it with a match.
"Oh so that's how they're going to do it…" I muttered. Kisame tossed me a broken corn head and I took out a match. I lit the corn and threw it over my shoulder. Then I turned around and watched with glee as the field went up in flames.
"Problem solved," I stated happily to Kisame who was staring at the field with eyes the size of baseballs.
"But…Itachi-san… that's the wrong…"
"Isn't it beautiful?" I asked. The flames soared and leapt.
"Sasuke-kun? Did you do that?" asked Sakura as Kisame dragged me away from the alluring flames.
"No, but I should've," answered Sasuke with a smirk.
"What are you doing?" I demanded refusing to let Kisame drag me further.
"We're gonna burn if we don't get out of here," he said.
"But its' so pretty…" I insisted and then that ungrateful little apprentice shoved me in the river. The water was cold and I sputtered to the surface as Kisame jumped in as well. We clung to a chunk of bark as we floated down stream. The flames reached toward the sky and some popcorn rained down on the river. Kisame caught it in his hat and we munched on it. Now mice were the filling the river.
"YOU!" they cried at me.
"Yes, I was I that set the field on fire," I said humbly.
"You destroyed the field!" they cried.
"Not me alone, Kisame-sama, helped me," I replied. Kisame shook his head.
"No, it was all Itachi-san," he insisted. I felt bad for my apprentice, he's so shy.
It was a job well done.
The next morning we were relaxing by the pool side as a few mice dropped their burnt trash on my front step.
"Arsonist!" they squealed and ran off. I smiled. Most definitely, we had saved those mice's sunflower field, all thanks to me….
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"Itachi! It's time to get up!" called Kisame, from the doorway. Itachi groaned and rolled over.
"Stay away from those mice, Sasuke!" he called out in his sleep waving his arms. The great blue man shook his head. Not again.
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O.o -twitches-
Please Review
-Hammy Uchiha