32 Productions Presents…
A Teen Titan Fan Fiction The Teen Titans in…"Laugh and the World Laughs with You"
Chapter Three
Laugh Riot Comedy Club
Raven couldn't take much more. Her sides hurt, she was close to having an accident, and her mind felt like it was on fire. The strain against the urge to simply go mad was tremendous.
Raven: And to think, I used to hate slapstick.
Raven bit her lip, trying not to laugh as the man on the large screen TV she had been tied up in front of fell down the stairs. If it would let up for just a minute she could use her powers to free herself. Yet it just went from scene to scene, nothing in between to wind her down. Her eyes hurt. The tape that held her lids open still wouldn't give.
Raven: Azar, if I ever get out of this, I will NEVER laugh again. …well, maybe small chuckles now and then, but NOTHING like this. Oh no…no, not the door to the face again…
Raven burst out into laughter. What a way to go. Maybe she should just awaken the toxin in her system and end her misery. To her relief, a birdarang flew over her head and hit the TV's power button. Damn good aim. Her laughter slowly died down as Robin started to untie her. Unbeknownst to Raven, Robin was actually disappointed to see her. He had been following STARFIRE'S communicator signal. Joker must have switched them.
Robin: Are you okay?
Raven responded by sinking into the floor. Robin stared, confused. Before he could think about it further, something cackled behind him. …high pitched …he had heard this sound before… He leapt out of the way as the hyenas lunged.
Robin: And I thought you only laughed when you're scared…
Bud and Lou just cackled and snapped at him again. Robin pulled out bolas and threw them at their legs. Bound up tightly, they snapped at his feet, still laughing. Robin sighed. That wasn't much of a trap at all. Maybe the Joker WAS losing his touch. There was a loud POP behind him and he was struck in the back of the head with a giant cork. Of course. Stupid, stupid stupid. Dazed, he staggered, just barely dodging the mallet that was swung at him next. He tripped and fell. Harley pinned him with her foot and raised the mallet above her head.
Harley: Ya know, I always was good at croquet. FORE!
Suddenly the mallet was yanked from her hands. Raven floated behind her, her grin twisted into the best scowl she could currently muster.
Raven: That's golf.
Harley: Stickler.
The mallet swung in the air, hitting Harley in the face. She staggered back, bleeding.
Harley: He…hey! Are you nuts! Not so…
The mallet swung again, catching Harley in the mid-section. Raven snickered before bursting out laughing.
Raven: If you don't start dodging, you're dead!
Harley: You can't do that! You're the do-gooder in this picture!
Raven's response was to make the mallet swing again. Harley caught it in the back this time. She fell over, tears trickling from under her mask. It was over. She was going to die at such a young age. She hadn't even had kids with her Puddin' yet.
Harley: This…this isn't funny anymore…
Raven: Humor is in the eye of the beholder.
Raven laughed, but soon cried out as a birdarang struck her shoulder. Her eyes widened and she let the mallet fall.
Raven: What am I doing?
She turned, rubbing her shoulder. Her eyes showed genuine confusion.
Robin: Are you okay?
Raven: I…I just went to use the bathroom…and…even that was wrong…Robin, what did I do?
She pointed at the battered Harley, who was now extremely relieved that Raven seemed to have regained her senses. Robin knelt next to her. She was hurt pretty bad, but she'd live.
Robin: What's the Joker up to, Harley?
Harley: No way…not ratting out Mr. J…
Robin: Fine. I guess I'll let Raven finish playing with you.
Harley's eyes widened.
Harley: You…you wouldn't…
Raven: He would, so long as I don't kill you. Maybe I'll just break you really good.
Harley: …er…okay, okay! Just don't tell him I told you!
Robin: Talk, Harley.
She probably should have add a stipulation for a doctor too, but she figured the bird boy would get her help either way.
Harley: He's gonna mess your red headed up real bad like. He wouldn't say what exact he was gonna do, just that he was going to mess her up.
Robin stood up and started walking. Raven followed after him, but turned when they reached the door.
Raven: (playful) Don't you go nowhere now.
Raven's eyes glowed red.
Raven: Because if you do, I'll find you.
With that, she turned and left.
Tanning Salon: Roughly One Minute Ago
Shade sighed. He guessed this was supposed to be funny. Great. Now his lungs hurt from taking in that air. Sweat poured down him. It was hot. Oh so very hot. Did the Joker know he couldn't take heat very well or was it just a joke about his pale skin? Either way, it looked like he was going to fry, trapped in a room filled with tanning bulbs all along the walls. It was his own fault. He shouldn't have tried to force the door. The instant he did, the bulbs kicked on. Too much light and heat made his powers useless. The door was too thick to cut with his claws. He had no choice. He had to resort to pulling his clothes off to buy himself some time. As he did, his communicator clattered to the floor. That was odd. Why would the Joker let him keep this? Maybe he didn't know it existed. He opened it and sighed. The call buttons had been glued. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't push them. …he wasn't taking his boxers off. No way. Not going to happen. Some parts of the body should NEVER be sunburned. …he hoped his sunglasses would protect his eyes. Apparently nasty things happened to your eyes if you don't protect them in tanning booths. They bubble or something. He groaned and laid down. It was so very freaking hot. It was hard to stay awake. Finally the door burst open. The lights shattered as a small earthquake hit the building.
Shade: Finally.
He would have said as much, but his throat was dry. Terra stood over him and waved her hand in his face. Man, he hoped this wasn't a heat related hallucination. He passed out. The next thing he knew, he was sitting up, water dripping down his face. Terra tossed the "bucket" she created from stone behind her.
Terra: Nice boxers.
Shade scowled, his face turning red with embarrassment.
Shade: You better not have left my clothes in there.
Terra: I wanted to, but Cyborg wouldn't let me. Not to be mean. It's just…well…they're drenched in sweat. It's disgusting.
Shade: …I need some water.
Terra: Cyborg's off getting you a bottle.
Shade: …where'd you get the water to splash me with then?
Terra bit her stone lip.
Terra: Er…I'd rather not say.
Shade wasn't sure if he liked the sound of that. Suddenly two small hands (well compared to his) covered his eyes.
Raven: Guess who?
The hands quickly pulled away.
Raven: Ugh, you smell like Robin's gym bag. …nice boxers.
She walked around him, holding her nose.
Raven: I'm not sitting next to him in the T-car.
Cyborg arrived with a bottle of water that Shade downed eagerly. Raven shrugged.
Raven: Now if we can just get some deodorant.
Shade: You okay, Raven?
Raven bit her finger again and sighed. She shook her head.
Raven: No.
Robin: There's no time.
Everyone looked up to see Robin standing before them, arms crossed.
Robin: We've got to get to Starfire NOW.
Cyborg: I thought that's where you were going.
Robin: Joker swapped their communicators.
Raven: Great, so saving me was a fluke. I love the sound of that.
Shade snapped his fingers and suddenly he was dressed again.
Robin: …why didn't you do that before?
Shade: Hey, I almost died of dehydration. I wasn't thinking too clearly.
Novelty Shop: Storeroom
Starfire struggled against her restraints, but it was no good. Whatever was being pumped into her arm was leaving her weak. Her head felt like it was floating. Thoughts came and went and it was hard to get a grasp on her situation.
Starfire: Think, Koridan'r! Think! …uh…oh! I'm…I'm being held prisoner. Yeah, that's right. Strapped to a table…there's…uh…something to my right. My neck won't move…can't see it.
Her mind quickly lost track of what she was thinking. She barely held onto the fact that she didn't want to be there.
Starfire: Why AM I here? Where is here? I wish the others would come. …where is here? Did I think that already? Can't remember. How'd I get here? Doll. Something about a doll
Joker sighed. This was boring. She was so drugged up she didn't even hear him talking. Yet if he stopped drugging her, she'd escape and nobody wanted that.
Joker: (muttering) Don't you just hate having to rationalize?
The door burst open and the Titans poured in. It was show time. Joker shrieked and covered himself with his hands, despite being full dressed.
Joker: Don't you know how to KNOCK!
Raven bit her hand again to stop herself from cracking up at Joker's antics. She realized if she didn't start biting the other hand, right hand would soon look like a well used chew toy. Robin clenched his fists.
Robin: Let her go, Joker!
Joker: Tsk, tsk, tsk. Coming into somebody else's home and making all sorts of demands. It's rude you know. Guessing Batman never taught you manners. Not that that surprises me. I mean, if he just said PLEASE once and a while, I might be inclined to turn myself in now and then.
Shade: Let her go now, you pasty skinned freak, or we'll find out if your insides got bleached.
Shade held up his clawed hands in a clear threat. Joker reached into his coat and pulled out a remote with two buttons on it.
Joker: Alright, alright. No need to be disgustingly violent. Sheesh. Let's see now…one of these buttons let's her go…which was it? Tsk, I swear I'd lose my own head if it wasn't attached.
Terra: Push a button already!
Joker shrugged and closed his eyes. He pressed one of the buttons and a cloud of gas sprayed Starfire in the face from the pipe she couldn't quite see. She coughed, finding the stuff to be foul smelling.
Robin: STARFIRE!
She kept coughing. Finally she vomited. Joker scratched his head.
Joker: Huh. That's not what's supposed to happen…must be the whole "alien" thing.
The Titans started towards him. He held up the remote.
Joker: Ah, ah, ah! Now, now kids. Let's not forget about button number two. This little beauty is connected to a device at the water purification plant. See, if my finger hits this bad boy, a nice helping of my new toxin gets dumped into the water supply. By tomorrow morning, I'll have all of this city in hysterics!
Joker cackled. That was the ULTIMATE April Fools Prank. Just think of it…an entire city, rolling with laughter before dying, grins forever frozen on their faces. His laughter was interrupted as Starfire broke free, still coughing. Apparently she was having a violent reaction to the gas…by violent reaction, I mean she was reacting with violence. The first thing she did was grab Joker and throw him. Seeing the chance, Raven used her powers to snatch the remote from his hands. Joker hit the wall, hard. This looked bad. Fortunately (for him anyway), things were about to go in his favor. Starfire turned on her friends next. In her current state, she couldn't tell friend from foe. Only her super strength worked at the moment, the rest unreachable in her current state of mind. She swung at Shade who just barely managed to turn into a shadow in time, allowing her fist to pass through him.
Robin: Starfire, it's us! Calm down!
Starfire coughed again and slammed her fist where Robin had been standing seconds ago. Raven saw the Joker making a run for it.
Raven: The antidote…can't let him get away!
Raven went after him. She caused his legs to come together suddenly in mid-run, making him fall over. Biting her hand briefly, she put on the most threatening face she could muster in her current state.
Raven: It's over. You've lost.
The Joker, however, knew what was wrong with Raven. While not sure WHY it happened, he knew better then to look a gift horse in the mouth.
Joker: A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel over his crotch. The bartender looks up and says, "What are you DOING?" The pirate replies, "Driving me nuts."
Raven's eyes widened and she covered her mouth to stifle her laughter. She bit her hand. It was no use. The punch line echoed in her mind.
Raven: S…stop it! It's not f…funny!
Joker: (standing up) A guy walks into a doctor's office with a toad on his head. The doctor looks at it and says, "That's the strangest wart I've ever seen." The toad looks at him and say, "Yeah, I just woke up this morning and there was a huge bump on my butt!"
Raven sank to the floor, laughing. Part of her found the joke utterly stupid, but she couldn't stop herself. Joker slipped his joy buzzer on and gave Raven a quick jolt, rendering her unconscious and slightly crispy before running off. Starfire coughed again and blinked slowly.
Starfire: M…my friends? What is going on? Where am I?
Terra: Finally…could you put me down now?
Starfire gasped and dropped Terra from her choke hold.
Shade: Where's…oh no, Raven!
Shade bolted over to Raven's side. She twitched slightly and opened her eyes. Blood trickled out her ears slightly.
Raven: (raspy) Th…this may come as a 'shock'…but he got away…
She chuckled before coughing. Terra slammed her fist against the wall.
Terra: Damn it! Now what do we do!
Robin: I know where he's going…and we're going to get there first and set up a little prank of our own.
Water Purification Plant
Joker rubbed his hands together in demented glee. So he lost his remote. Big deal. The device had a manual function as well. All he had to do was get to it and flip the switch. No way to stop it. Once it starts, it ends. Then even if they take him in, he'll have had the last laugh. He rounded the corner to where he had put his pumping device and gasped. Between him and the pump was the Batman, cape drawn over his body. The white eyes narrowed at the sight of the clown prince of crime. The brat must have called him in. He should have seen this coming. No problem. All he had to do was get to the pump. Before he could even make a move, Batman was on him. Batman's fist hit him in the jaw, making him stagger. Growling, Joker pulled a card from his suit and threw it. Batman dodged it and it hit a tube on the pump. Fluid poured out onto the floor.
Joker: NO!
His precious toxin…wasted on the FLOOR. His plan was a total flop now. All that was left was escape. He ran for it. He never noticed the gloved hand gathering some of the toxin in a vial. Joker ran across the metal walkway above the open tanks. The water was being pulled with a heavy current. He stopped. Somehow the Batman had gotten in front of him! Joker started backing up, trying to think of something to use.
Joker: Heh…what's the matter, Batsy? Can't take a joke? …you'd think I'd know the answer to that by now…
Batman pounced, tackling Joker to the ground.
Batman: …April Fools, laughing boy.
'Batman' disappeared, leaving paint on staining Joker's suit…the paint matched the spots on Batman's costume that weren't black. Joker wiped some of the paint off, confused. Looking up, he saw Robin and Cyborg. Behind him stood Terra and Shade. Floating to the either side was Raven and Starfire. Robin smirked.
Robin: Gotcha.
Raven held her sides as she laughed hysterically. Oh, the look on the clowns face! Joker clenched his teeth in rage. Make a fool out of him, will they? Oh, he didn't think so.
Joker: Oh ha, ha, ha. It is to laugh. Laugh this off kiddies!
Joker pulled out a giant water gun and fired two shots. Each shot landed on one of the supports for the right half of the catwalk. The acid ate away at the supports and the catwalk gave way. Raven and Shade managed to catch all everyone but the Joker with their powers. Joker dangled from what was left of the walk way. Starfire flew over.
Starfire: Though I am sorely tempted to allow you to fall for the trouble you have caused, it is simply not within my nature.
Joker: Compelling argument…
Starfire: (confused) That was not an argument.
Joker: …critic.
Joker let go, laughing as he plummeted downward. Starfire gasped and dove after him. He pulled out a gun, making her hesitate. Just before he disappeared into the frothing water below, he pulled the trigger. Bang flag. Starfire hovered in the air, a look of disbelief on her face. Slowly she ascended back up to where her teammates are.
Robin: …Starfire?
Starfire: …he…I…I…failed. He…
Robin: It's alright, Starfire. …chances are he's not dead anyway.
Starfire wiped the tears from her eyes.
Starfire: But how? I clearly saw…
Robin: I don't bother trying to figure it out. Sometimes I wonder if he can die at all.
Raven cleared her throat.
Raven: I hate to interrupt this touching moment, but I would REALLY like to be cured at some point. I've developed this nagging need to pull my hair out.
She reached up and plucked one of her hairs.
Raven: One at a time.
Titans Tower: Med-lab
Beast Boy opened his eyes, groaning. Terra was on him in less then a second, giving him a hug Starfire would be proud of. Raven leaned against the wall, massaging her face.
Raven: Never again. I'm never going to laugh again. I swear.
Shade: But I like your laugh.
Raven: No. Not happening.
Beast Boy rasped out something nobody could understand because his lungs were busy being decompressed.
Robin: Uh…Terra? Maybe you should let him breath.
Terra: Huh? Oh!
Terra let Beast Boy go, rubbing the back of her head.
Terra: Heh…sorry.
Beast Boy: 'sokay. Uh…what's going on? Why am I in a hospital bed?
Cyborg: You got dosed with Joker's laughing toxin. Robin tried his cure on you and it knocked you out.
Robin: It wasn't the right stuff for the job, so we got a sample of it.
Cyborg leaned down and whispered into his ear.
Cyborg: (whisper) You missed Raven laughing and smiling.
Beast Boy: Dude! You're lying! No way!
Cyborg shook his head and Beast Boy clicked his tongue. After all this time…oh well. Beast Boy sighed and got up.
Beast Boy: I'm starving. See you guys l…
As Beast Boy opened the door, a water balloon was launched from the other side and struck him dead in the face. Raven sighed.
Raven: Oh that's right. I sent that up while I was still under the toxin's effect. Sorry, Garfield. Must have…slipped my mind.
Beast Boy sank to his knees.
Beast Boy: Noooo! My perfect record of flawless April Fool's Days! RUINED!
He ran off, screaming in defeat. Shade snickered.
Shade: Should we tell him it's just a minute past midnight?
Terra: Nah. Hopefully he won't notice. Somebody needed to let some air out of his head.
Everyone laughed. Raven quickly bit her hand.
Raven: Never again. Never again.
Shade: But you've got a beautiful laugh!
Raven: Thank you…but never again.
Shade groaned and shook his head.
THE END