"Come on in." I say groggily. I secretly think Phoebe enjoys waking me up.
"Way to leave the club without telling us." Phoebe scoffs
"Sorry, but I'm going out with Glen around midnight so I thought I'd get some sleep." I explain. She gives me an odd look, but I decide not to explain.
"So, can I ask a question about Glen?" Phoebe asks, and I notice the black diary under her arm.
"Yeah, shoot." I say pushing my hair out of my eyes, and rubbing them until my vision becomes lucid.
"Was he…" she starts, obviously uncomfortable asking this.
"Was he?" I urge her on. I honestly have no clue what she's getting at.
"Did he…" She tries.
"Spit it out." I say growing bored and cranky.
"Did you two ever sleep together?" she asks
"Um, yeah." I say a little uncomfortable as well.
"So he was..." She starts again.
"Good?" I ask. She rolls her eyes at me,
"The dad." She asks finally.
"He wasn't." I say pulling at my clothes self-conciously. I don't like the pitiful look she's giving me.
"Wasn't?" She asks
"Yeah, past tense." I say
"So at the clinic..." She starts, and I'm tempted to burn Prue's little diary. I have become very moody about sharing my past with my sisters. Sometimes I like how they are interested in my past, and sometimes it makes me sick, now I'm just upset.
"Look, I was going to give it up for adoption and hope it was as lucky as I was in finding a good home." I say
"So she took you for a check up?" She asks
"Yeah, and it wasn't good news." I say rubbing my temples. This memory still hurts a lot.
"So that's why she wrote you were really upset, and she was too." Phoebe says. It's funny in this memory I remember being alone at the clinic although I don't remember how I got there.
"I realized I was..." I start now I'm the one who can't finish a sentence.
"Pregnant." Phoebe says.
"Yeah, a lot later than I should have. I mean I was only fourteen. I mean I just thought I was really late. Then two or three months later it just occurred to me." I say
"So what was wrong?" Phoebe asks.
"Well, it was in an odd position, and I had done some drinking and been around a lot of my friends who smoked. The baby had a lot of brain damage anyhow." I say starting to cry once again, "and I was on some medication so I could have good skin, and some lung steroids for a chest infection."
"I'm so sorry, sweetie." She says not moving.
"Yeah, well. I still wasn't sure what I wanted to do, and I went home and I cleaned up my act." I say. I had decided to give it up to adoption, and I always referred to the baby as 'it' or else I'd get really sad. Sometimes when I didn't catch myself I'd think of names, that hurt the most.
"So she's out there somewhere." Phoebe asks. I shake my head as tears come out of my eyes that I don't bother to wipe away. I see he trying to scan my stomach where my shirt rode up while i was sleaping for scars.
"You won't find anything there." I say pulling down my shirt. She looks like she doesn't believe me, and I lift it up to show her.
"Nothing but fat." I say trying to laugh.
"Yeah right." she says poking me in the ribs, "nothing but bones"
"Coming from you." I say raising my eyebrows. then there's sort of an uncomfortable silence, and I can tell she wants me to go on, but doesn't want to ask.
"I miscarried a few weeks later. That was one of the scariest moments of my life. I thought I was dying." I say noticing my knuckles turning white from balling up the covers so hard. I hadn't realized I was doing that. I release my tight grasp.
"Phoebe!' Piper calls from downstairs.
"Don't" I cough out as she stands up.
"Don't wory. I won't tell." She says before she leaves, but that wasn't what I meant. I didn't want her to leave. I hate being alone after telling those stories. I hate it even more then when they ask all those painful questions.
But maybe it was a good thing she left. She never had time to ask about the real father.
I look at my clock and see that I have about five minutes to get dressed, and down there. I think I'll orb or else I'll be late. I can tell Glen I caught a cab.
I get out of bed, wipe away my tears, and get ready to face the world.