Peter Pettigrew, Most Wanted
03
ISDH
AN: Going to be Pulling Heavy from the Mother Works here, I find the Humor involved too funny to skip it, but I am not going to cut and paste it either. Please read the Mother Works by BlightPhoenix.
PPMW
"And the next Question. Who did you name Most Wanted?"
"Peter Pettigrew, Aka Wormtail." Harry spoke quietly.
It was at this point Dobby returned with the pitcher of dark orange 'punch' and two tall glasses. Both adults took them, and sipped. Emma was the first to focus her thoughts into words. "And why did you choose him."
"He is a weak ass wizard, always hiding behind others of more power. In school it was my Father and Godfather. During the war, as the Light was losing, he scurried to kiss the robes of the Dark Lord, and betrayed my parents. With him declared dead by the Ministry, the Law can not be used to protect him. Those in Power can not bribe or leverage coverage for him. And by using Gringotts' Bounty system, I bypass the Law in capturing him. What I do with him afterwards… that is a jar of acromantula to open another day."
Emma finished her drink. "It's getting late. Will your parental units be okay with you staying the night?"
"As long as I am home in time for breaky. They prefer I cook for them." He smiled at them, "If you are inviting me to stay the night, allow me to show off what an Elf can do."
Dobby perked up. "Dobby cook for Master and Grangies?"
The Grangers snorted at the Elf's name for them.
"Yes, but I will help, only because it is a Muggle kitchen, and you need to do more than snap your fingers to work it." Harry scratched the bald head at his knee, before leading the way out. Once back in the sitting room, Harry closed Hermione's case, and passed it to her. "Tell Hedwig and Pogo that they will have to hunt for themselves tonight."
"Pogo?"
"The Male. Between them barking at me, and their colouring… 101 dalmatians." Harry grinned, "Then I can call his stand a 'Pogo Stick'."
Hermione slapped his shoulder. "That was bad, Harry. Almost 'Dad Joke' bad."
"Did I hear 'Dad Jokes'?" Dan Asked as he climbed out of the case.
"NO!" screamed the females.
PPMW
Dinner that night was a preverbal feast. Emma had a Ham in the sink, waiting to be dressed before cooking. Dobby striped the fat off, coated it in honey, spices, and mustard before rewrapping the fat layer about the meat. The thing went into the hot oven. Harry showed the Elf the 'timer' that they set for an hour, before turning to rummage through the cupboards. After finding three good sized yams, Harry had Dobby use water and a brush to scrub the dirt off, before piercing the flesh of the tubers and putting them in a baking dish.
Next was a salad; lettuce, rinsed and chopped. Two small tomatoes sliced into half inch wedges. In a bowl, tossed to mix, and set in the fridge to chill.
In a big mixing bowl, Dobby mixed together a big ball of bread dough. Harry grabbed a cup-cake tray, four by three, and showing the Elf the cooking spray, coated the cups, before dropping two inch balls in each cup. The rest was divided between three loaf pans. Then the Bread and Tubers were put in to bake, while the Ham was basted in it's own juices.
Scouring through the cupboards, Harry and Dobby piled a bunch of things on the counter next to the sink. Looking at the Grangers, sitting at the Table watching the two guests conspire in their cooking, the two adults sipping their 'slow hard screw's. Hermione had that look in her eye…
Harry had an Idea, and Dobby liked it because it had his name on it!
Dobby popped out, only to return with something tucked in close. Then they went to work. Three times Dobby had to pop out with a coin pouch to get something, and still they worked in secret, before the watchful eyes of the Grangers. When they had finished the prepwork… the timer dinged, and they pulled out the food from the oven. Two loaves of bread went to the window sill, the 'cup-cake' rolls went into a towel lined basket, and were covered. The ham was placed on a platter, as the tubers were cut in half, mashed and blended with a big dollop of butter. The salad was removed from the fridge, along with a selection of dressings. Then before he joined the Grangers, Harry slid three more round pans into the oven.
It being a night of celebration, the Kids were allowed to have a beverage off the 'approved' list. Harry wiggled his eyebrows at Hermione… "Dobby, still have my pouch?" the little guy nodded, "Would you please pop over to the Three Broomsticks, two Mugs of Butterbeer, and three cases of bottled butterbeer. We will take the Mugs here, the cases to my Case please." The Elf vanished, as Hermione grinned.
"Harry! Don't overwork him!" the new blood witch schidded him, as her father sliced the ham and served it up.
Harry raised an eyebrow, "I am not. He needs the work to process the magic that he 'eats'. Like we have to move so that our bowels don't backup." She made a face of distaste, "Yeah," Harry continued, "And he received a heavy burst when we bonded. Similar to us eating our fill at the Welcoming Feast."
Two Mugs appeared before the younger folk. Dan frowned, before reaching over and grabbing the closest mug. That it happened to be Harry's… Taking a sip, he smacked his lips. "Not bad. But not going on the list."
Emma tried Hermione's. "I could get to liking that." She set the mug back.
Hermione just smiled, "Just wait until it is cold out. A Mug of Warm Butterbeer can rival the best cup of Hot Cocoa."
Turning to glare at the wizard at the Table, "For Breakfast, think you can swing a liter or two of pumpkin juice?"
"Yes, Just ask Dobby." Harry took a bite of ham. The sweet and tangy flavor of the honey mustard glaze, the smokey burn from the cloves and spices… Harry hummed. "Save some Ham tonight. I'm doing omelets in the morning."
"Ah, Harry." Hermione shook her head as cut her ham up. "You used the last of the eggs for the Afters."
"I know." He cut another bite, before scooping a bite of potatoes along too. "I also need a few bell peppers, onions, mushrooms, cheese, and tomatoes. I also like salsa and sour cream…" he shrugged, before popping another bite in his mouth.
"Damn." Dan had taken a bite, and was just staring at the lad. "If there was a way I could get you to stay, I would never let you leave."
Harry froze, his eyes locking onto Hermione's.
She started shaking her head, "No. No no nonononononono!"
Emma with a worried look, placed a hand on her daughter's shoulder. "Jean Honey, what's wrong?"
Harry licked his lips, as he turned to look at Dan. "Ask."
Dan frowned, "huh?"
"Father." Hermione spoke softly. "He is not joking. If you truly want him under your roof, either as my friend or my suitor, you have but to ask. But do not take this lightly."
Ppmw
A knock at her door, it opened before she could call out. In walked her best Red-Robe.
"King, Read this." she passed him the poster.
He did. "Not Good."
"It's Real." She watched him.
"Shite!" he rubbed his face.
"It gets better." she grinned evilly at the man. "By Dawn, everybody who can read, will know of this Bounty."
"Bugger!"
PPMW
By Midnight, the news had reached every news outlet in Europe, by Dawn it was in print and winging to every Magical Home, if they had a subscription or not.
By 08:00 Director Bones had shut her Floo, locked her window, and cast a curtain of silence over her door. Two thirds of this morning's mail she burned as they were varied copies of the same letter, asking if the bounty listed in the paper was real. By 08:30 she gave up the pretence of drinking tea, and left the bottle of Firewhiskey on the desktop.
Her second in command, Head Auror Rufus Scrimgeour was sitting in an office chair sipping a cup of coffee and reading a copy of the Prophet. He turned to the crossword, and folded the paper to work it. A flick of his wrist and a quill was in his hand. He muttered the clues to himself… "five letters… belly crawler…" (snake, takes him five minutes to get it)
"Do you have to do that here?" she glared at him.
"For best effect, yes. Yes I do." He never looked from the crossword.
At 08:55 Fudge and Umbridge smashed through her 'Curtain of Silence' waving his bowler hat in one hand, and a paper in the other. The Pink 'toad' was even more … pink, her foul temper discolouring her already unfavorable complexion. As they entered, Rufus flicked his wrist, stowing his quill, before unfolding his paper, and then refolding, a look on his face she knew from long hours of breaking suspects with the man. He was a Lion, circling for a kill.
"Director Bones! You must do something about this… this… this stupid 'Wanted Poster'!" he threw his copy onto her desk. "I was rudely awakened by people Floo'ing me at Home. My office is so full of mail, I can not get my door open, and more keeps coming! There is No Way it can be real." the balding portly wizard squealed.
"Oh it is Real alright." Bones decided to forgo the cup, and pulled straight from the bottle. "Got a letter from the Head of the Bounty Collections Bureau of Gringotts. Not only is it real, but the reward is already in escrow. I did a little research. As of two days ago the max bounty offered and paid out was one hundred thousand galleons. As of this Morning that number has been raised by five fold."
"You gotta do something!" Umbridge whined. "No snot nosed mudblood whoreson shall make a mockery of the Ministry!"
"I got a listed reward of half a million that says otherwise." Rufus tucked his paper under his arm, as he picked up his coffee. "And an atrium full of Wizards and Witches looking to cash in on that half million." he took a long sip. "Now you are wanting me to go down there and tell all those voters that the Minister is declaring that they have no chance of collecting this free gold?"
Fudge choked on his tongue, as Umbridge looked to have a frog in her throat.
"But Pettigrew is dead!" Fudge finally got out, "Black blew him away!"
"We will never know." Bones peered into her almost empty bottle. "Any surviving muggle was mind wiped… I think you saw to that, did you not Fudge? Black is the only one to ask, but he won't come anywhere near us as long as you have that damn 'Kiss on Sight' order on him."
"I got even more bad news." Rufus leered at Fudge. "Thanks to Budget cuts, Hiring freezes, Redundancies, we will be lucky to be at half strength tomorrow, and I do not just mean the DMLE, but the whole Ministry. The entire second floor is going to be hit with a bad case of the 'Red Flu'."
As He stepped past Umbridge, Rufus stage whispered in the Toadie's ear. "That 'Whoreson' is the Boy-who-lived. While his mother might have been a muggleborn, she also holds the record in OWLs and NEWTs taken in one sitting. She was working on her Mastery on both Charms and Potions at the same time, while being courted by the Unspeakables and her own 'research'. James Potter was one of my best wands, on par with Moody, without the paranoia. Mess with the Lad at your own risk."
PPMW
It was now 10:00.
Order had been established in the Atrium, with libral use of noise maker charms and stinging hexes. A podium and stage was erected just outside the security gate. Amelia, Shacklebolt, and Rufus, were sitting at the back of the stage, while they waited for Fudge to show up. The first six rows of twelve people before the stage were reporters from around the globe.
Amelia drunkenly leaned towards Rufus. "Is that Lovegood in the center of the press?"
"Yeah." the Head Auror grinned back, "The Memo named him personally, so I seated him myself."
"The Memo said to exclude Lovegood." Bones slurred.
"I couldn't remember. I just knew that Xeno was named, so I flooed him in, and escorted to his seat." Rufus mock pouted.
King snorted.
Fudge and Umbridge came scurrying along, whispered with an unhappy Percy Weasley. When they got to the gate, Umbridge turned back, as Fudge and Weasley continued to the stage. Fudge was reading through a selection of index cards.
Shacklebolt in his deep bass, "Are we ready to do this?"
"Readier than the Minister." Rufus flashed his lione smile, "He is still flashing through his cue cards."
Bones snorts, "Cue Cards?"
Fudge took his place behind the podium, the three Aurors were sitting at a table, a cup of coffee before the Director, in the hopes to help her sober up. The minute Fudge placed his hands on the podium, the whole thing came alive with a [Sonorous] charm.
"Ladies, Gentlemen… Members of the Press. We are here to straighten out a few misunderstandings, and make sure nothing is lost in translation. At the very Core of Today's Crisis; The Bounty on Peter Pettigrew." The Crowd agreed. "The Warrant is real. I have a notice that the Bounty has not only been paid in full, but already sits in escrow. Now the Ministry believes this to be a wild Snorkack Hunt, but the Goblins state that they would not post a Bounty on a deadman." The Minister gripped the edges of his podium, "I was there! I helped clean up what Black did that night! I stake My hat on it! There is no way that poor wizard survived!" He Buried his face in his hands. Shack helped him to a chair.
Rufus Leaned forward, and pointed to a witch, dressed in pink brighter than the Toad's…
"Emily Dorne, Daily Prophet. Is the Ministry trying to stop the Bounty?"
Rufus ran his fingers through his hair, witch made his 'Mane' stand up even more. "Certain members within our ranks are finding it hard to accept that Pettigrew is alive. The Official answer is; if he is, we want a crack at him under vetrasurim. But the matter is out of our hands. You find Pettigrew, and bring him in, it won't be to us, you're hauling his spotted arse to, but the Goblins. Next"
"Dunbar. Elina Dundar. Witch Weekly." Bones perked up at that one. "How are our readers to recognize Mister Pettigrew."
Shacklebolt rumbled, "We have pictures from the last time he was seen. They will be made available to those who want a copy."
"Also, You could just look for the bloke with a pure silver right arm." Rufus sneered, "As it says right there in the poster. Next!"
"John Brackenreid, Aurors Weekly. With this Call that Pettigrew is alive, does that call into doubt Black's Guilt?"
Amelia burped into her coffee cup, as Rufus and Shack exchanged looks. "Officially, they are two separate cases." Shack drawled. "Black is solely ours, while Pettigrew is Gringotts. If He is brought before us we will question him of course, and some of those questions will include Black's case. But that is the extent of it. Next."
A man in a waxed mustache and goatee, wearing a powdered wig of all things. "Bouton Retiré, Bâtons et Choses. How is this Bounty to be paid, hmm?"
Amelia snorted, "That is between the lucky arse who finds the wanding wanker, and the Goblins."
Then a blond in a techno-colour dream-coat stood up. And the whole hall went deadly silent…
Xenophilius Lovegood was in play. "For the Minister; How does this Bounty and Reward conflict with your Rotfang Conspiracy? How Does it affect your efforts in acquiring controlling interest in Gringotts Bank?"
Fudge looked up from his hands in horror. "Who let him in?" he whispered. But due to the charms on the stage, it carried all over the atrium.