WHTMT - chapter 15

ooooooooooooooo

Laura Roslin's eyes widened till they were as large as saucers, and she breathed a huge sigh of relief as she caught sight of Kara, winding her way carefully through the tents back to home base. She grabbed Kara and enveloped her in a big hug, tears stinging her eyes painfully.

"It's good to see you too," Kara whispered, close to tears herself.

Roslin finally let go of her, but still held her at arm's length, clutching her shoulders, almost as if by letting go Kara would vanish again.

Word spread quickly and soon the tent was overflowing with people congratulating them and looking at Kara with such reverence as if she were their saviour.

"Thank the gods she's back safe," Roslin said, holding up a hand to silence the crowd.

"So say we all," a voice said quietly, and it's mantra was repeated by all a moment later. The floodgates opened then and Kara's tears spilled free. She wiped them unabashedly, marveling to herself how much she'd changed these last few months. Normally she would have died of embarrassment had anyone seen her cry, but now it didn't seem to matter. They were tears of joy, relief, sorrow ... a myriad of emotions, and they all needed to find a way out.

Once the din had subsided and people had returned to their tasks, Kara took Roslin aside in a corner of the tent.

"How are we doing?" she asked quietly.

Roslin nodded her head emphatically. "Your plan was fantastic - worked perfectly. I doubt if they have the ability to rise up against us again after that blow."

"It was successful?" kara sounded amazed.

"More than successful. Since the initial blast they've been disoriented, unable to form a proper defence and we've been picking them off one by one."

"Did Baltar survive?"

Roslin shook her head and a look of doubt crossed her face for the first time. "I don't know. We've searched the area around Colonial One, but the only pieces left were the size of ..."

"Yeah, I know," Kara said flatly, interrupting her. "I passed by it on my way back."

"Where where you? We were afraid you hadn't made it out."

Kara shivered slightly at the memory. "I almost didn't, except one of them took me away and drugged me. I woke up on a ship way outside the settlement."

"My gods, if only we'd known ... I would have sent someone to get you. You shouldn't have had to walk all that way back by yourself."

"It was tiring," Kara admitted, sitting heavily on a chair and holding her stomach.

"Let me get you something to eat and drink. You must be needing it by now." Roslin scurried off without giving Kara a chance to protest. Under normal circumstances, she would have. Profusely in fact. But given her current physical and emotional condition, she was actually glad to have someone fussing over her. If only it were Lee.The thought came out of nowhere. She had no idea why she'd been thinking about him so much lately, but for some reason he was constantly popping into her thoughts, and she was realizing how much she was missing him. In a way she felt guilty for thinking about him, even considering how close they'd once been; she felt almost as if she were betraying Sam's memory by having a former almost-lover in her mind so soon after his death. But in another way, she needed to think about him. Lee was her friend, or had been before she'd left, but he was much more than that to her as well. He was the anchor that kept her feet on the ground when she was tempted to fly away. He was the rudder that steered her in the right direction when she strayed onto the path of depression and self-destruction. He was what she needed right now, but he was something she couldn't have. She didn't even know if he was still alive, though she felt pretty sure she'd know if anything serious had happened to him. She'd always been able to sense it before, though never in time to prevent it. She was always the one picking up the pieces in the aftermath. Now she was the one who needed saving. She closed her eyes and wished with all her might, hoping he'd somehow sense she needed him and show up to rescue her.

ooooooooooooooooooo

Lee stood in the near-solitude of the hangar bay, staring at the raptor he'd helped rescue. Six people had survived out of ten, which were much better odds than usual for them. He was the only one out of ten pilots who'd survived, but that hadn't really come as a surprise to him, given how inexperienced they'd all been. He sighed, wishing he'd been able to save the other raptor as well. They and the civilian ships had gotten safely away though, and as his father had reminded them all in the brief memorial service, giving their lives so that others could survive was something they'd all been more than willing to do.

Still, it hurt. More than Lee thought it would, considering how strained the relationship between himself and Dee had been of late. He'd been sure he hadn't loved her - she was just a distraction to help take his mind off the fact that he couldn't have the woman he really wanted. He'd been sure of it, really sure, but now he began to wonder if that were really true. He felt empty inside somehow, like a piece of him was missing. Perhaps it had begun as a distraction and a way to find some intimacy even if it wasn't with the one he really wanted to be with, but it seemed somewhere along the line he'd actually allowed her into his heart.

A hand on his shoulder startled him; he hadn't heard anyone coming.

"I should have been able to save them," he said sadly.

"You're only one man, you can't do everything." His father's words were meant to be reassuring but they didn't help much.

"But I should have been able to," he said, a trifle fiercely. "If Starbuck were here, she'd have been able to save them both. I know she would have."

"I doubt that Lee, she's only human too, and as much as we like to think she's some sort of superhero, she's not."

Lee turned his head and met his father's eyes. Adama squeezed his shoulder.

"You loved her, didn't you?" And they were both aware that they weren't talking about Kara anymore.

Lee couldn't find the right words, so he just nodded.

"I did too. Almost like a daughter."

For the first time it struck Lee just how similar he and his father really were. They'd both loved Kara; like a daughter? friend? sister? - he wasn't really sure. But once she was gone, they'd both tried to fill the hole in their hearts with Anastasia Dualla, someone who wasn't and could never be Kara. Now it didn't matter though, she was gone and they were both grieving her loss.

"Get some rest Lee, we only have a few hours before the next phase starts."

"I know," Lee said resignedly. Given the way their luck was going, they'd reach New Kobol too late and everyone would be dead already. Lee wasn't sure he could handle that.

He turned and headed out of the hangar bay towards his old bunkroom. He could have moved to the XO's quarters, as Helo was gone now and Lee was most senior officer under the Admiral, but he needed the comfort of something familiar. He walked in silently, not wanting to wake anyone else who might be sharing quarters with him, but there were only two others in the room. His eyes automatically did a one-two, scanning his old bunk and Kara's to see if they were taken. They weren't. He undressed down to his tanks and shorts quickly, intending to sleep in his old bunk, but for some reason he found himself in Kara's instead. It didn't smell of her anymore - of course not, it had been months since she'd been here and several others had probably slept here since then - but he felt comforted by her presence there anyway. Hold on Kara - please, I'm coming. I won't let you die too, were his last thoughts before falling asleep.

ooooooooooooooooooo

Kara stood on a hill a little way away from the settlement, surveying what was left of it. The cost had been high - extremely high- but they'd done it. They'd kicked the cylons mother-frakking asses off the planet and shown them that humans weren't willing to be cylon slaves. The cost in physical damage to the settlement had been high, but the cost in loss of life had been even higher. They'd lost many, many good people and it was disheartening to their friends and family, having to go on without them.

But go on they would. Kara could see people beginning to rebuild already - Tyrol had changed his focus from creating weapons to making teams to rebuild the community. They'd decided to use the trees from the forest a few kilometres away and actually build real homes this time, not just tents. Mind you, there were no new supplies as there was no sign of the rest of the fleet, and no one knew if they'd even survived. Kara was sure of it though - she knew she'd feel it if anything happened to Lee or his father. They'd always been close, even when fighting, and she refused to believe that they were dead. But the fact was, they had to prepare for that eventuality anyway, and make a permanent settlement just in case they were never rescued.

She scanned the settlement then allowed her eyes to drift away ... to the cemetary nearby. It had had a few dozen crosses before the cylon attacks - victims of the same pneumonia that had nearly killed Sam - but now there were hundreds, perhaps even a thousand crosses dotting the landscape. She decided to take a walk that way first before going back and joining Roslin. The two of them had become the unofficial leaders of the colony and had worked together to plan how to create lives for the remaining colonists. It wasn't something Kara was particularly good at, but people were looking to her for leadership and she wasn't going to disappoint them. Besides, she'd gotten quite used to working with Roslin and had developed much more respect for the woman she'd disliked back in her Presidential days. What with her diplomacy skills and Kara's out-of-the-box imagination, they'd been a quite a team.

She slowed as she reached Sam's grave - still marked with the dogtag she'd hung on it at his funeral. Tears began to form in her eyes and she dropped to her knees. They spilled down her cheeks and she whispered an almost silent prayer to the gods to keep him safe till she joined him. The baby kicked, more often and harder now, as if it had something to say to it's father. The tears kept coming as she grieved the loss of the father her baby would never have. She'd never really wanted kids - not for a long time, and even after getting pregnant she was unsure if she could handle being a parent. Her own experience with her mother frightened her and she was terrified of repeating the past. She'd always counted on Sam's good nature and even temper to balance her natural instincts, but now it was hitting her that she was going to have to raise this baby on her own.

The sky darkened as clouds covered the weak sun, and Kara shivered as the temperature dropped several degrees. A soft voice coming from behind her made her eyes open wide with surprise.

"Kara."

TBC