WHTMT - chapter 22

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Things improved as the days went by. Lee, knowing there was hope if only he waited patiently, was much happier and at ease with Kara. And Kara, knowing Lee wasn't going to push her for anything more than friendship, was much more relaxed as well.

They were both comfortable enough with each other, in fact, that their relationship had returned to the solid, secure thing it had been back in the early days of their retreat. Back when they'd trusted each other unwaveringly and had considered the other their best friend. Before circumstances, differing personalities, and other people had torn them apart.

They still slept in the same room - the same bed in fact, but Lee kept his distance, trying to reassure her that there was no pressure though the physical attraction was as strong as ever. He found it difficult to find space in the bed now, given her constantly growing belly.

He watched her still, when she was busy and he thought she didn't notice. There was more changing in her than just her stomach. And the changes weren't just physical either. She was getting less argumentative and smiling much more. There was something indefinable as well - something he could feel but couldn't describe. Thankfully he didn't have to, because the only way he could think of was to say she was very un-Starbuck-like, and much more Kara-like. She still kept up the Starbuck mask while working, but she let her guard down much more when they were alone. He didn't know if that was because she'd learned from continually losing people she cared about that intimacy and openness were incredibly important, or whether Sam had found the key to the inner Kara and set her free, but either way, he was glad of the change.

He noticed she fingered the sparkling ring on her finger - it was the only one she'd ever had from Sam - much more lately than she had at first. She had a contemplative look on her face then, and he wondered if she was reliving memories of him or if she was trying to make a decision of some kind. That debate was solved for him one night when he walked into his quarters while she was praying.

" ... the souls of Zack Adama, Karl Agathon and Samuel Anders. Hold them in your hands and keep them safe from harm."

She stopped and took a deep breath then slipped her ring off.

"And help Sam understand that I will always love him and thank him for what he did for me, but it's time for me to move on."

She lay the ring carefully on the cloth beside her idols.

"There are many more who've died and gone to you, but there are many of us still suffering here. Be with us and guide us as we strive to conquer our enemies and find a way to live. So say we all."

She closed the cloth over the idols gently, folding it in a very precise and careful manner. She tucked it in her locker down at the bottom under her spare boots.

Lee watched through the crack of the hatch, slightly embarrassed at intruding on something meant so obviously to be private. He cleared his throat and banged the hatch open noisily, signaling to her that he was there.

She jumped and shut the locker quickly.

"Oh, you're back already."

"Meeting didn't take as long as I thought it would." He smiled. "You going to bed?" He looked over at a pile of clothing on the desk.

"I was just going to shower first. If that's alright with you," she added, grabbing them and holding them to her chest.

"Of course. Go ahead."

"Will you ... be here when I get out?" she asked shyly, eyes deep and dark.

He smoldered in them for a moment before answering. "I'll be right here," he said, walking over to the desk beside her. "I've got flight schedules to begin."

"Sorry, I should have ..." she began.

He brushed it aside. "Not your job. You do enough already. Go, enjoy your shower." He put a hand on her lower back and gave her a gentle push.

She came out fifteen minutes later, hair wet but combed, looking and smelling freshly scrubbed.

"You're still here." She sounded surprised, and Lee wondered why she would be doubting him.

"I said I'd be here. I'm not planning on going anywhere." Their eyes met and he could see relief written plainly in hers. She clearly wasn't referring to just this particular moment.

"Goodnight Lee." She leaned over and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

"Goodnight. I'll be there soon. My turn to get clean." He smirked as he got up and headed for the shower.

He emerged shortly wearing nothing but a loosely-slung towel. Kara watched discreetly as the towel came off and a pair of fresh shorts went on. He truly was a beautiful man - from top to bottom, and everything in between.

He crawled under the covers, still warm and slightly damp, hair in messy spikes since he forgot to comb it. He squeezed over to the side to give Kara lots of room but no sooner had he gotten comfortable when he felt her slide against him.

"Do you need more space?" he whispered, "because I can..."

"No," she answered quietly. "I need you."

Lee's heart thudded noisily in his chest as she lay her head on his shoulder and gently placed her arm across his chest. One of her legs tangled with both of his and he felt her belly pressing against his hip. He shifted slightly, not quite sure what to do. Not sure if this really was an overture for something more or just a need for a reassuring cuddle.

"Hold me," she whispered, so he did.

Though his heart still beat painfully at her proximity, a warm, peaceful feeling began to engulf him. He kissed her damp hair gently and began to feel tears trickling down his chest.

"What's wrong?" he asked, one hand rubbing delicate circles on her back.

"Nothing," she murmured. "Everything." The tears continued to fall but Lee knew her well enough not to push. The fact that she was willing to cry on his shoulder was a miracle enough for now.

Eventually the tears subsided and she slid her hand across his chest to wipe her eyes.

"Sorry," she whispered, hand creeping back to where it had been before.

"No need." He could feel a tickling on his chest so he looked down to see what she was up to. Her thumb was rubbing the spot where her engagement ring used to be. He had the distinct feeling she had something to say, so he waited.

"Lee, I'm so confused. I just don't know what I want," she said tearfully, voice wavering.

"I'm not surprised," he offered, one arm still holding her tightly while the other continued to rub circles. "You've been through so much in the last few months ... I only wish I could have been there for you when you needed me."

"It's not that." She shook her head slightly. "I mean, part of it was tough, yes ... but Laura, and the Chief ... all of Sam's buddies ... they were there for me. I had lots of help." She pushed herself up onto her elbow. "You're the problem. You've always been the problem. It's just more complicated now."

"How do you mean?"

"I love you Lee. I've always loved you. Frak - I think I've been in love with you right from the moment Zack introduced us."

Lee felt as though all the air had been punched out of his lungs.

"I've always wanted this - between us - even though I acted like I didn't, but then things got so frakked up I didn't even think we could find our way back to being friends."

His hand strayed to her face where he played with some loose hairs, ostensibly pulling them behind her ears, but lingering far longer than necessary.

"Somehow we did though," he said tenderly.

"Now that we finally have our chance, I don't know what to do." A tear slipped out of her eye and rolled slowly down her cheek. "I want this to happen, I really do, but every time I feel the baby move, I think of Sam and suddenly it's not so clear anymore."

"Our lives really are frakked up aren't they?" he said, a small smile on his face. "I can tell you this though. I love you Kara, and nothing in the universe can change that - I know - I've tried not to, but it just didn't work." He placed his hand on her swollen belly. "I'll be here for you, as your friend, boss, lover ... whatever you need. I'm not letting you go again. I've done that twice now and both times I've regretted it. So no matter how long it takes, I will be waiting for you. And if you need someone to help you with the baby, giving birth or raising it, I'll be here for you. This child may not be mine but because it's a part of you, I will love and cherish it."

By the time he finished speaking, the tears were running freely down her cheeks, and Lee himself could feel the sharp prickle as they gathered behind his eyes. The baby moved beneath his hand then and the battle was lost. The tears began to fall.

Kara wiped the tears from his cheek gently - a contrast to the way she'd often touched his face.

"I love you Lee Adama." She leaned forward and brushed her lips softly against his. He responded, gently at first, but the kiss gained momentum and deepened quickly. He withdrew his hand from her stomach and grasped her head, fingers twining in her still-damp hair.

Mouths opened, tongues touched and played together, hungrily re-exploring territory they'd only briefly explored the last time. As things began to get intense, Lee pulled back.

"Hey, slow down," he said. Suddenly he became aware that those might not have been the best words to say at this moment.

She pulled back as well, a confused look on her face. At least it's not hurt, he thought gratefully, and figured he'd better watch his choice of words from now on.

"Are you sure you're ready for more?" he asked carefully, stroking her cheek lightly.

She smiled in relief. "I'm not sure, to tell you the truth." She looked ruefully down at her overly large tummy. "I'm not sure how easy it would be ..."

"There are ways ..." Lee winked. "But I don't want to rush you into anything."

"Are you sure? I mean ... I don't want to disappoint you ..." she said apologetically.

"Kara, I've been waiting for this since the day I met you. You're not the only one who fell in love so quickly you know." He chuckled. "I'm sure I can wait a little longer. There's always the shower you know."

She slapped him playfully. "Lee Adama! Are you trying to tell me you ..."

He nodded, and she stopped, shaking her head in disbelief.

"Well, I had to do something ..."

She giggled and lay her head back down on his shoulder. "You're a pervert, you know that?"

"Uh huh," he mumbled, kissing her hair.

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"You wouldn't," he said confidently.

She pulled the trigger. "Oh yes I would." She blew delicately on the barrel of her gun and smiled as she reloaded it.

The other pilot in the transport cowered in fear as he watched the blood trickle out of every orifice in his buddy's head.

"Now, I need to get to Galactica. Are you going to take me there or are you going to join your friend?"

"But you're ..." he stammered incoherently.

"No, I'm not." She sat down at the copilot's controls, still aiming the gun at his head. "Are you going to take me there or do I have to fly myself?"

"But if you're not ... how can you ...?"

"I'm sure I can figure it out."

He pulled on his helmet with shaking fingers and began the pre-launch sequence, silently sending up a prayer to the gods.

"That's better." She smiled. "Now hurry up - I have a date with destiny."

TBC