Author's Notes: Woo! Life got extremely busy…yep. I'm now a mommy of 2 soooo, yeah there was a bit of a wait for this chapter XD! Not to mention this friggen CHAPTER was a major grind fest. There's so much I can't wait to write but getting to it is a pain in the butt. So yeah, here's a filler before we get back to the good stuff. We're getting into some serious biz here. ALSO, gonna be taking advantage of that 'M' rating. Shameless sex scene is shameless, feel free to skip if it's not your cup of tea. Sex filler is BEST filler, right? XD
Special thanks to everyone still following this story!...are there people still following this story? XD
Love or Blood
Chapter Forty-three: Passage
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The Count acted strange for the rest of the day. It was a subtle change but I still easily detected it. I knew him too well now than to be swayed by his false smiles. However I dared not broach the subject for I too was troubled. If I did not want to share my qualms then I would not force him to either.
We sat together by the fireplace and spoke idly. The talk was forced and awkward despite our recent closeness. And rather than feeling comfortable in his presence I felt very much out of place. The image of Tualga weeping over the knowledge that I had relations with the Count played continuously in my mind. Thus I could not stop myself from feeling ill-at-ease.
Eventually it was time for bed and I welcomed the thought of sleep's silent oblivion. But again he would not let me leave his chambers and I was to share his bed once more. Although I wanted to fuss I quickly repressed the notion. Together we had made this bed and it felt only right to lie in it – so to speak.
I listened to the soft crackle of the fireplace as I took a seat on the edge of the bed. I stared up at the stone walls and quietly admired the heavy silk tapestries. They, like almost all things the Count owned, were a deep red. The orange glow emitted from the hearth caused shadows to dance along the beautiful embroidery. It had me entranced.
The Count then sat beside me and slipped his cool hand into my lap. "You seem distracted. Is something wrong?"
At first I only blinked out of my stupor. After a moment I shook my head – knowing better than to tell him the truth or lie. "I was admiring the tapestries, Sir. They are lovely." He continued to watch me, waiting for me to continue, although I wasn't sure what else I should say. "You…you have an affinity for the color red."
He chuckled at me and nodded in agreement. One of his hands came up and twirled a lock of my hair around his finger. "Indeed, I do."
I smiled sheepishly at him. Despite having lain with the Count I still felt incredible shy at his now obvious displays of affection. More so, as I did not know whether or not we were right to be doing them.
I fought the urge to brush his hand away. I liked it when he touched me, it made me feel wonderful, but was it right? I did not know.
Instead of torturing myself with right and wrong, I allowed his caressing to continue and progress. I felt guilty, deeply I did, but it could not compare to the eagerness fluttering in my belly.
The Count gently laid me down. I sighed shakily as he parted my robe. His hands slowly caressed my belly and breasts, causing me to make little sounds against my will. I closed my eyes for a moment, in which the Count climbed atop me and placed his mouth on mine.
My body grew increasingly warm. His grasp on my breast was firm, but he would gently pull away so often to brush his thumb against my nipple. My whimpers grew desperate. I pressed my lower half to his trousers. Longing clouded my mind. I was well aware of the pain I was again subjecting myself to but I could not bring myself to worry. The wanton anticipation was crippling.
I squirmed against him, causing him to groan loudly and retract his hips. "You'll end me before we begin," He warned while tugging at the lacing of his pants.
"N-not my intention." I stammered as I slid my hands down his abdomen. I aided him in the removal of the troublesome garment, my fingers quickly pulling them past his hips with speed I found surprising. His erection sprang free and into my waiting hand. I was still unsure how to work him properly so I kept my touches delicate, more for my own pleasures than his, as I enjoyed the feel of him.
Never in my life did I imagine carnal pleasures to be so wonderful and fulfilling. I always thought they were dirty, unneeded and wrong. How foolish I was. Never had I imagined it would be so perfect.
Again the Count dipped his head down and captured my mouth with his own. He held his weight on one elbow as his free hand traveled up my thigh. My breath hitched as he slowly began to run his fingers along my sex. I moaned loudly as he applied more pressure. I pushed my hips up, desperately trying to move in time with his caress. All thoughts had left me and I only wanted again.
"Please, can we?" I panted. I felt as though I ran a mile. My body was hot and I could feel the flush in my cheeks. He grabbed my hips and slid me further down the bed, our bodies aligned; I instinctively gripped the bedding and braced myself.
He gave his member a quick stroke before pressing against my entrance. His lips were then hastily planted over mine again as he began to push into me. But the Count entered quickly – very quickly. Immediately I felt too full, my back arched as I tried to adjust to the intrusion. My muscles again began to clamp around his girth. My eyes watered but I did not cry, however I questioned my body's ability to accommodate his size.
His movements did not stop or slow once he found his pace. His thrusts were fast and near overwhelming in sensation. Pleasure coiled in my belly, my brow furrowed at how strange everything suddenly felt. Good? Amazing? I wasn't entirely sure how to accurately describe the feeling but blessedly it continued and the magnitude of it all increased.
I found myself clinging to him. My fingers twisted into the back of the soft overcoat he still wore. My muscles grew taut and I could no longer focus my vision. Pleasure was all I could wrap my senses around and how it continued to build inside of me.
My heart pounded away in my chest and I screwed my eyes shut. It was all too good and it was driving me insane. Despite being breathless I began to babble nearly incoherently - his name a holy mantra on my lips. I did not want the sensations to end, I begged him not to allow it to end. My grip upon him turned vicelike and then finally bliss.
I cried out as ecstasy took me. The Count hissed painfully as my sex locked around him, released, and repeated. It felt as though I had lost control of my body and now had to remember how to use it again. My limbs went limp, my fingers and toes tingled. The Count's continued movements caused me to recoil; I was sore and far too sensitive. But before I could voice my discomfort he grabbed me tightly and found swift release.
After a few moments of lying in a daze, the Count rolled off me. Soon I felt his fingers combing through my hair. I felt exhausted and closed my eyes. All tension left my body and I found myself drifting off to sleep.
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Despite the obvious pain she still surely had in her loins, she was all too welcoming for his embrace, and they made love again. Her overwhelming desires pulled him in. He didn't stand a chance against her wiles…or his own desires.
Slow, painfully slow lovemaking followed until he could take no more. Janus felt remorseful for his quickness during their passion but all was still so new and wonderful. Thankfully, she had yet to complain. He wanted to please his Abigale Lynn more than anything.
When she moaned for him to be inside her he could not resist complying. Janus was quite surprised at how sudden her climax was. She became unbelievably tight – it was actually rather painful for him. But pride and pleasure made him pay little mind to the discomfort.
No sooner had he left her, she fell asleep. He found it amusing how she simply rolled over and drifted off. No obligatory cuddles. He was a tad disappointed.
Still there was nothing more beautiful than having her next to him after it all. Nothing on all of Nirn was more amazing than watching the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest.
The Count stroked her cheek in contemplation. The light and happy feeling was slowly leaving him. It was replaced by sickening unease. No longer could Janus keep any secrets from Abigale Lynn. He loved her far too much, felt for her too deeply. He had to tell her his darkest secret. He could only hope it wouldn't ruin them.
Carefully he tucked the blanket around his love before he settled in closer and tried to rest.
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I awoke later in the evening. The Count's arms were still wrapped tightly around me. I stared at his pale, hard, unmoving chest and wondered briefly what it was like to love without a heartbeat. My thoughts became too deep and kept me from drifting back to sleep. So I gently reached up and caressed the soft curls of black hair on his chest.
I was surprised then as he woke with a sudden start. He stared at me with puzzled, bloodshot eyes. Thankfully, his expression quickly softened. "Abigale Lynn," he breathed. "Never had I wanted to wake so desperately from a dream. Thank you." A small tired smile formed on his lips; it made me smile too.
"Did you have a bad dream, Sir?"
"No, no." He answered while pulling me closer. "I just missed seeing you."
It was a sweet sentiment and my grin broadened. Moments in his arms helped me to forget my troubles. His fanged smile could fill me with so much joy.
"I was right here all along." I answered somewhat bashfully. "You commanded me to sleep in here, so here I lie."
The smile on the Count's face quickly fell. He reached up and ran a hand down the length of my back. His face mirrored his look from earlier; deeply in thought. "My beautiful Abigale Lynn," He sighed through his nose and pulled me closer still. "You are too good to me…for me. You know this, don't you?"
"I doubt that very much." I quipped, struggling to look up as his embrace kept me firmly against him.
"But you are," He continued - there was no admiration in his voice; no lightness. It did not lack conviction but it was so longing and sad. I furrowed my brow. "There are so many things that…need to be said. But I can't find the words. My thoughts sometimes fail me when I am with you but this is something entirely different. As a matter of fact, I wish we did not need to speak of it at all...but we do."
"Sir," I interrupted, "You need not tell me anything. You owe me nothing. If you don't wish to discuss whatever it is that troubles you, then don't. You have no obligation."
"I love you." He stated firmly, strikingly so. "That is my obligation. I cannot lie to you, Abigale Lynn. I don't want you to—" The Count stopped, his eyes becoming bloodshot and glassy. I worried. I did not know what could cause the Count to be so mournful. Was it because he had bit me? I did not think so. This was something different. This was something frightening.
It struck me then that the Count had a secret. Something he did not want to share but felt he had too. I knew the look in his eyes all too well. I had seen it many times before when others would confide in me. But his eyes were more intense and brilliant. Whatever the Count had to say was grave.
Had I only known.
"We all have our secrets, Sir." I swallowed, trying to lighten whatever darkness this was. However, all my secrets were damning. Especially Molag Bal. Something I was unsure I could ever tell the Count. What was so terrible for him that he 'needed' to tell me? "Perhaps some we shouldn't share…"
He silenced me then with a swift and forceful kiss. "For a moment let me forget," He said to himself more than to me. I said nothing, grateful for the sudden change. He clung to me, his kisses were greedy and hungry. I enjoyed them very much.
Again we were entangled. His lips roamed my skin and I sighed contently at the feeling. They were cool, like his hands, and were quickly becoming a comfort to me. As hard as I tried to become lost in the feeling, I could not. Everything was…off. His touch was too strong, clinging to me as though I would drift away into nothingness.
His grip on my wrist was painful as he kissed my collarbone. I wriggled beneath him, trying to find some comfort in his embrace. "Sir?" I nearly whined as his other hand squeezed my thigh until my eyes began to water. My mind flickered for a moment to the Father of Vampires, causing panic to fill my heart.
But the Count was not blinded to my frantic tone and quickly stopped. I sat up beside him while kneading the tender bruises on my leg. "I don't like that." I snapped, fixing him with a look. "It hurt. Is it not painful enough for me already?" The Count ran a hand through his hair and began to apologize, but he would not look at me. "What…what is wrong, Sir? You are not yourself." I hated when people forced me to tell them what was wrong, but I had never been so bothered that I physically hurt another. I knew it was an accident but I did not think that excused the behavior.
"…It is only what I wish to tell you. I cannot shake it from my mind however desperately I want to. I am afraid. Forgive me." Hearing this, I too felt fear. What could possibly frighten the Count? Why did he want to share this with me in the first place?
I swallowed, unable to hide my apprehension. "I-I am scared for you, Sir. I don't know of any power on Nirn that shakes you so."
"There is one," He answered solemnly. "And I wish I could keep you from it. But I want you to love me, and I cannot build our love on lies. I can't wrong you anymore, Abigale Lynn. I must be true to you. I must right all my wrongs."
Not knowing how to properly respond I only nodded and placed my hand in his. After a minute or two I gained the courage I needed to speak again. "Then tell me, Sir."
More silence followed. Eventually the Count stood and walked away from me and dressed. His movements were odd, as though he was wandering through a haze. "I'm afraid I can't speak of it. Words fail me...I don't know how to tell you." His eyes would not meet mine. He then left the room, puzzling and frightening me. I was unsure of what to do. Did I follow him? Did I stay? Would it be better for me to convince him that whatever he wished to tell me I need not know? Most likely, but it would be wrong of me to do so.
Before I could even move from the bed the Count returned. In his hands were some of my clothes, a simple dress and pair of shoes. I gulped, having been in bed for so long at his behest, to only have him usher me out was very worrying. I accepted the garments and began to dress wordlessly.
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Janus assisted dressing Abigale Lynn. Her legs wobbled uneasily and her pale, slender fingers gripped his arm for support. His stomach knotted at her touch. Everything he had done to her, good and bad, and all she had done to him was nothing compared to what was about to occur and he knew it. He knew that those beautiful little hands would not touch him soon. He knew that those bright eyes would again be filled with horror. But the most terrible thing, was that he knew that he may loose Abigale Lynn. Perhaps for good.
He gulped, he had to do this. In the past week alone he had harmed, bedded and confessed his love for Abigale Lynn. By some miracle all had worked out. This time he would not be so lucky. But he loved her, more than anything, and had to tell her his darkest secret. He could not betray her anymore than he already had, he would not build their love on lies. And she may hate him in the end, but he would fight for her affections. He had to. He just had to.
So as they walked across his bedchamber to the far unlit wall sconce, Janus kept Abigale Lynn's hand firmly on his arm. He stopped again in his tracks, his head buzzing. Was this the right time to do this? No, but there would never be a 'right' time. And he was so very afraid, he almost lacked the courage to go further. Almost.
He turned around fully to face Abigale Lynn, knowing that he should attempt to reassure her. But his jaw was locked into place and fear kept him from speaking. Instead he took her face in both hands and stared deeply into her eyes. He could not imagine a world without her but after this...she could despise him. Her hate could kill him. This could be the last tender moment they could have. So he pressed his lips to hers, trying to emanate his love for her and passion. "I love you," He finally managed, swallowing hard. The Count stepped away, leaving the girl more confused and afraid. With a trembling hand he gently pulled the sconce, revealing the secret passage to the chamber of fate. "Forgive me."
Author's Notes: Told ya it sucked! Again, sorry for the wait and filler! Aaaaand grammatical errors. There's gonna be more of them now, since I'm no longer on my trusty laptop...sadness. I'm actually using 's doc manager for all my writing now. So pardon, pardon. Next chapter should have some of our other vampire fwiends! 8D R&R if you enjoyed the terrible filler!