Author's Notes: The reviews! WOW! Thank you all again so much! They really keep kicking my butt in gear, as I stared at this chapter and facepalmed a few times. It's hard to balance 'classy' sexual tension and my needlessly pervy writing lol And Lucien is so nice...right? XD Thought I should clarify a few things with this chapter. Certain characters portray their 'best' behavior when in certain company. That does not mean they are good characters (So mystical, right? XD). I shalst fix the terrible quality later...Eventually~! 8D
Love or Blood
Chapter Fifty-seven: Uncertainty
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I awoke in a very unfamiliar place with a very familiar assassin at my back. I stared up at the walls of our little tent as I went over all that had transpired the previous evening. My mind regrettably echoed the witch's words and predictions. I endeavored to disregard it, hoping to forget all that she said with the passage of time, though I knew that to be a fruitless effort. I would, inevitably, dwell on her entirely every now and again.
I sighed and turned to face the sleeping Lucien Lachance. His words too played out in my mind, perhaps even more loudly than Melisande's. What he said had been horrifyingly accurate. As such, it shook me deeply. I wanted to deny him and agree. I had been quite literally struck dumb with his obvious logic. Obvious truth. I could not process the near perfect accuracy and summarization of my state. He spoke so boldly, he always did, but this reality had me rendered to tears. I was a woman, not a trinket as I often compared myself to, I should not, could not be owned...but I was.
My heart ached and I could not handle my reality. It pained and confused me. I thought of the Count and his confessions of love, wondering how he could truly love me whilst I was his literal possession. Was I ever a person to him? I liked to think so. I cared for him deeply. I wanted to return to his kindness but I no longer wanted to be owned by one who claimed me and supposedly loved me. Could I not just be with him? Was ownership so very important to the Count? He spoke of his control over me with absolution. He enjoyed his rule over my person, he had told me this himself. He was entitled to me. Was that love? Could it ever be love? Could I ever love another who wanted me as one wanted a fine necklace or land?
Again, I eyed the assassin. I was angry with him and not all angry all at once. Knowing now that a man I once considered mad could make so much sense was humbling. I felt the need to apologize but was too confused to do so. Instead, I carefully ran my hand up his arm to his chest, as had become my custom if I woke before him. His arms were thick and adorned with little hair-sized white lines. They scattered here and there on his skin, little old and faded scars, healed by a potion, as I knew well. His chest was broad, firm and warm. If I laid my hand flat against him and applied small pressure I could fee his pulse beating loud and strong. All left me curious and I only stared.
As I watched him sleep, my gaze traveled guiltily to his mouth. The memory of his lips touching mine for the briefest moment caused my face to burn. What felt like so long ago now, Lucien Lachance had forced me to kiss him. The recollection was much more uncomfortable to relive at present than it ever was before. I remembered it being very hot, wet, and frightening. What had occurred last night was fleeting but good. My stomach fluttered anxiously at the memory of his lips brushing against my own. It was bad, I knew it was, but it felt so wonderful that it was frustrating to stop. Truthfully, I did not want to. I was not entirely sure if I 'cared' for the assassin but I knew I certainly did not hate him. I liked him. I enjoyed him. He could make me laugh. Again, I did not want to stop. I simply had to.
No sooner had I closed my eyes for Lucien last night did I think of the Count. Once his mouth met mine, I went near frantic, I still was. It was almost a literal force that pushed my head to the side. I could not do it, I could not kiss Lucien Lachance, no matter how much I wanted to, for I still cared for the Count.
I knew all was terribly misguided and warped. Perhaps Lachance was right and I was simply suffering from what he called 'capture bonding'. I did not know, but I did know that my affection for the Count was deep and true. It was real, whether or not he felt the same for me. The feeling was fading now...he hurt me so. I thought I may have loved him or been close to love at the very least but he seemed set on destroying all. He singlehandedly crushed me. I now knew nothing but dread in my heart at the thought of returning to him. Standing before his large, tall frame. Watching him stare me down in anger, his red eyes dark but burning brighter than any fire ever could. It shook me, I could not bear it and I now felt terribly guilty for seeing the assassin in a very different light.
Chewing my lip, I removed my hand from Lucien and moved away slightly, also remembering his leaving from the previous evening. He proclaimed restlessness, then he walked off into the night in search of a victim... I wondered if he was successful, then I wondered what he gained from killing. He had said his 'tension' needed to be exerted. Why did he do it? Why did he want to? Was it a need? What spurred his bloodlust? In sleep, Lucien looked so peaceful, serene. Yesterday, when he brandished his blade and dispatched the imp, he moved with almost baffling grace and fluidity. The motion and roll of his arm were much like the waves of the ocean. He moved so smoothly. He was terrifyingly beautiful. My gaze shifted to his fingers, noting how very clean he was...and how he smelt like my soaps...
"No," The assassin grunted before looping an arm around me, quickly pulling me to him once more. "You stay by me. It is far too early to move." I swallowed hard, allowing him to grab and press me to his chest, something he so liked to do. I had become so accustomed to this action that I considered being quiet and secretly basking in his warmth - what I too liked to do. However, knowing Lucien Lachance had been out last night, looking for a victim and perhaps even committing murder made me very uncomfortable. I knew what he did, I knew that he enjoyed his 'work' but being so involved, as I felt that I was, shocked me to my core. With all of this, I went rigid in his embrace and he, of course, felt it.
"I would like to get up," I muttered while doing my very best to keep from looking at the assassin, despite his tired gaze almost pulling my stare to his. Again, I chewed my lip, fingers nervously twisting into the course blanket that rested over us.
"Why?" He inquired easily, making no move to release me. Instead, he buried his head deeper into my hair. "I am keeping my groin off of your backside... What more did I do to offend you before I awoke?" I remained utterly quiet. Eventually, Lucien sighed in exasperation, his hand slipping down further beneath the covers to rest upon my stomach. "Already starting the morning with difficulties..." He hummed into my hair, his hand moving up and down gently along my abdomen. As his callouses caught my clothing, I felt terribly guilty for so many different reasons, mainly for liking the feeling. "Tell me what is on your mind, Little Countess."
I shook my head quickly, deeply questioning my mental state. Could there be something wrong with me for wanting men who had done me harm with the potential for more? Why did I find interest in yet another dangerous male? The confusion in my mind spurred me to speak, tactlessly and frightfully. "D-did you kill someone?" I nearly squeaked, mentally berating myself for doing so. I held my breath, fearful of Lucien's reaction. But the assassin seemed completely unfazed. His body remained loose, his hand still running over me.
"You do not want to know such things." He eventually tutted, then he decided to purposely irk me by deeply inhaling my hair. I shivered involuntarily at the feeling. "Here I thought you were angry at me for trying to kiss you...again." He continued and I could hear his smile, feel his lightness and mirth. I again chewed my lip, unsure of how to broach that topic as well. Naturally, I focused on the darker matter.
"Lucien, please." I nearly whined, trying to pry myself free and having no success, as was my usual morning ritual with him. "I cannot...did you hurt someone?"
The assassin snorted, amused and arrogant. "I have 'hurt' so many that I have long since stopped counting, my dear." I blanched but otherwise gave in to trying to pull myself from his grasp. Although he did not say 'yes' or 'no', I knew I had my answer. My mind could not properly grasp the action. The assassin who laid beside me and whined for me to let him hold me longer had claimed another life only hours before, while I slept in his tent some miles away..."But may I ask what makes you think I was successful in my last night's pursuits? I am quite curious." He continued, sounding more than mildly intrigued by my knowing.
"My soap," I answered easily, watching as a large and charming grin broke over the assassin's face. Tentatively, I ran my fingers over his knuckles, examining his very dangerous yet clean hands. I pouted, long having noticed that Lucien too had very nice and large hands. He was also meticulously clean, I had discovered this whilst being with him. Everything about Lachance was very carefully maintained and kept. However, yesterday he had been covered in imp blood and gall, only able to get a crude wash in before we came to the witch's cottage. Him being so clean now only left me with more disturbing certainty. "You washed very diligently...with my soap?"
Lucien reached up to ruffle my hair, chuckling lightly as he did so. "Oh, my Little Countess, you are so very perceptive." His smile broadened as I only continued to stare, unsure of how to react. "Perhaps I pined for you so greatly that I bathed with your soap to appease some of my desires? Maybe I simply wished to revel in your beautiful scent?" He generously offered, gifting me an outlet if I so wished to deny the obvious truth with a comfortable lie. I only shook my head carefully, knowing better than to play ignorant and simple for him.
Unwillingly, my mind traveled to Skingrad, thinking of the evening Vicente Valtieri and the Count had wandered off into the night to feed. The Count, in particular, came back bloodied and pleased. I remembered being discomforted by it...but I had been more discomforted when the Count had forbidden me from being alone with Nerah Vlando. I wondered why I had not been more disturbed by his actions, and why a little command had irked me more than the knowing of his feeding. I did not want to acknowledge the violence, of course. I tried my best to not think of the thoughts then, just like I tried to stifle them with Lachance now. Still, this was different. The Count killed for sustenance, not pleasure...
I sat up ever so slightly to eye the sleepy assassin. "Why do you do it?" Lachance, knowing well what I was speaking of, thankfully did not play dumb. He gave a little shrug before stretching out leisurely in the tent, still looking mortifyingly calm and contented. "W-what is gained? Why do you...does it..." I sighed with frustration at myself, pushing some hair from my vision as I tried to word the question I had no right to ask. Eventually, I again fell away from tact and asked him bluntly. "Why do you kill?"
"Why do you breathe?" He asked me fast, looking shockingly amused over my inquiry. I believed the question personal and feared some sort of anger or repercussion... But Lucien offered nothing of the sort, still smiling as he waited for my response.
"Because I have to," I answered firmly, finding the comparison awful, feeling more appalled as he continued to watch me with great humor.
Lachance again chuckled, palms up and open in a definitive gesture. "Then you have answered your own question, my dear." I bristled, shaking my head and feeling anger and disgust steadily rise within me. It was wrong but I wanted to know why he did what he did. I knew better than to question him but it felt impossible not to. If Lucien could not answer or did not want to answer, he made his distaste and dismissal plain. Thusly, he seemed entertained by my curiosity. As such, I decided to reach higher.
"Breathing is an impulse," I answered him briskly. "It is not optional."
The assassin only nodded at me, watching me as though I was an endearing child, probing him for information both obvious and comical. "For me, it is an impulse. And my career makes it so it is also not optional." He permitted me to slip from him and sit up fully. I did and tried to fix him with what I hoped was a knowing look. His explanation was anything but just. I was not so foolish to believe it. For a moment he examined my expression before giving a little sigh, passing a weary hand over his face. "Alright," Lucien Lachance too sat up and prepared himself to elaborate. I then questioned the 'good' of asking him such a disturbing inquiry. In hindsight, I thought that perhaps asking a member of the Dark Brotherhood why they killed to be foolish. Unfortunately, the damage was done. "I kill for profit, for enjoyment, and for the glory of my Dread Father, Sithis. I am a messenger of Death and my work is indescribably satisfying. For me, taking a life is a pure, unrefined pleasure. Much like sex...but with more cleaning up involved."
This, for obvious reasons, baffled me. I did not know what to do or say in response. I looked away, lip between my teeth as I tried to garner a reply. The assassin, however, answered for me. "I know what you are hoping," He began, his eyes full of mischief. "You wish for me to confess some deep trauma. A rational reason that looped me into murder? An accident, an excuse..." His brow furrowed, smile still present but softer somehow. "But I have none to give. There is no alternative motive or explanation for why I do what I do. I enjoy it. That is its end."
I was quiet, any and all thoughts were long forgotten in my throat. Despite the harsh truth of his words, it was oddly welcoming to hear. He gave me his honest and terrible answer. I did not have to like it, it just was. Eventually, I managed to nod. Lucien Lachance was exceedingly dangerous and it was unwise to see him as anything but. However, he was not as dangerous or frightening as the Count was to me. As my protector, I had to accept Lachance and his darkness. "Thank you for your honesty..." I began while rubbing my hands nervously. "I g-greatly appreciate your constant truth to me, though I do not like what you do...I know my opinion matters not."
"Again, you fail to disappoint." Lachance declared proudly, his smile large and sincere once more. "You are justly hesitant... But I did not think you would be so accepting. I do appreciate it. My career will not get in the way of our union if you simply acquiesce to my darker desires. It will prove worthy of your understanding, in the end." Lucien touched my hair once more, this time gently placing some behind my ear. "I shall ease you in slow. One mustn't over indulge."
"E-ease me into what, exactly?" I stammered, flabbergasted over Lucien's very odd tenderness.
The assassin moved closer to me, an arm slipping upward to drape over my shoulders. "I fully intend to take advantage of your great understanding. I have never been romantically vested in another who knew of my profession and bloody passions, lest they were of the Brotherhood, of course." Lucien's free hand snaked its way to my throat where he began to toy with the amulet's chain. "This is new to me. Exciting. You are much like an uncharted territory - a virginal vista I am aching to defile."
"You certainly have a way with words..." I mumbled nervously, tempted to remove his hand from my neck, then quickly thinking better of it. His explanation left me confused. I did not think there was anything remotely romantic between Lachance and I. Curiosity? Very much so. Romance, however, was absent. At least, I had thought it was. I wondered if perhaps the assassin tried to exude something that I could not identify. Lucien Lachance was not utterly mad, as I had once thought, but he was certainly twisted and corrupt. His version of romance was a mystery to me. I did not want it but I would not say this to him. "But...perhaps, I should not be so well involved?"
There was a growing hardness to his stare but he kept his body language warm and inviting. "I have no intentions of involving you with things you cannot know. I would never betray the secrets of my Brotherhood. You would never be faced with the full extent of our darkness." He clarified, still ever confident and cool. "But should you accept me, my occupation shall unquestionably follow. I need not hide the obvious from you, you know full well what I do. This pleases me." Softening ever so slightly, Lucien moved even nearer, a finger running little circles beneath my shoulder as he thought. "You have unknowingly gifted me something quite extraordinary, much like yourself. You comprehending what I do while still lying with me now is...poetic. I wish to show my appreciation somehow." His smile, though never leaving, now seemed more genuine than ever before. Almost sweet... "Would another token of my affection appeal to you?"
An image of a saturated red bakers cap entered my mind. I quickly shook my head, any idea of Lachance's 'sweetness' vanishing fast. His affection was more than strange, it was purely lethal... "T-thank you but no." I swallowed hard, feeling myself grow pale at the thought of Lucien Lachance claiming another life for me. The last time I had expressed any dislike for another, he had killed them and gifted me a bloodied article of clothing to display his trophy and capture my interest. Sadly, I did not lose much sleep over the now very dead baker. However, that did not in any way mean that I condoned his behavior and wanted him to shed more blood on my behalf.
The assassin laughed at my reaction and moved away the smallest bit, granting me some much-needed space. "Then what would you have me do? My resources are very limited, at present..." He scratched the darkened stubble of his chin in thought, expression wrought with obvious consideration and mirth. "I cannot kill for your pleasure or comfort. I cannot purchase you any gifts in the wilderness. I cannot kiss you..." As though struck with a brilliant idea, Lucien Lachance beamed and tore the covers from my body. I only flinched at the action, unsure how to proceed with a 'correct' response. I thoroughly enjoyed playing with the assassin. I liked him. But currently, I was far too disturbed by his murderous ways and my lack of feeling towards them. All left me confused and frozen. I was startled back into reality as Lucien placed a hand upon my chest and pressed me back down on the flimsy mat we shared. "I cannot kiss you but I can kiss your clothing." I propped myself onto my elbows as the assassin laid a kiss upon my covered bust, causing my face to redden. I did not know whether to scold him or permit him... "Flowers are so very conventional, after all. This will be a joy for us both."
I could not act upon my finalized reprimand as Lucien further startled me once he climbed atop of my body. Again I froze, panicked yet curious. The assassin grinned wickedly down at me, looking much like an animal ready to pounce. I swallowed hard, feeling far too close to him. His black eyes searched me, both dark and curious as he gauged my reaction. Lucien's smile twisted into a more threatening display of teeth before he dipped his head down again to plant another kiss, this time over the center of my abdomen. The touch caused me to flinch, the assassin's hands quickly going to my sides as he held me firmly in place while his mouth moved lower. Lucien's thumbs ran down my ribs, his fingertips crudely sinking into the flesh of my back. I winced and tipped my head away, lip between my teeth once more as he worked another kiss beneath my navel.
I gave a weak shake of my head and dared a look at Lachance, the visage causing me to blush further. I gazed down at his dark brown hair as he lovingly placed his mouth even lower. His eyes were closed, ponytail dangling over his shoulder. I did not know why the image stirred me so, but it did. His hands dragged down the length of my body, running from my sides to my hips then thighs, stopping only to hook the fabric of my underdress in his fingers. "Let me," He said huskily, slowly dragging the cloth upward, planting another kiss a small bit lower. My thighs shook at the crisp morning air. Thankfully, the cold pulled me back to reality and away from the warmth of his mouth.
Sitting up fully, I slipped from his grasp, making many unintelligible sounds as I wriggled from him. "H-how does this happen?!" I managed in a whine, staring at the man across from me in a mix of confusion and mortification. The assassin, to his credit, only looked perplexed over my sudden refusal, not angry. However, I was thoroughly angry, but only at myself. Moments before, I had been fearful and wholly bewildered. The briefest minute later, I felt like ice in Lucien Lachance's palm, melting at the heat of his kiss...to my clothes. "What pull do you have over me? Why...I do not..." Again I whined with frustration, burying my face into my hands as I did so. My mind was everywhere, mainly focusing on the guilty heat rooted deeply within my belly.
The assassin opened his mouth to speak but I slipped by him. In a flourish of covers and cloth, I nearly made it out of the tent. My great escape was thwarted by Shadowmere, who rested like a loyal hound outside of the canvas' opening. On all fours, half in and out of our little shelter, I paused in my leaving as her red eyes met mine. Unfortunately, the small hesitance proved plenty of time for Lucien Lachance to grab my hips and pull me back into the tent.
I shrieked from surprise as I was flung onto my back, soon staring up at the ever-grinning assassin. "Where are you going?" He asked far too happily, near grinning ear to ear. I swallowed hard, staring at him with pure embarrassment. I did not know where I was going, I only knew I needed to be away. "You need not run, Abigale. A simple 'no' would suffice." He moved away slightly but not before reaching up to give my cheek a painful pinch. "You blush so strongly. I feel that if I was to nip your cheek with my blade, you would surely succumb to blood loss."
Ignoring his odd comment, I quickly blushed through the more prevalent matter at hand. "Why did you try that? If I did not let you kiss me, why on Nirn would I allow you to do...to do that?" I asked the still near-looming Lachance, who presently looked far too proud and smug over my flustered state and rosy cheeks.
"You did not tell me to stop." He said with a wry little smile. Again, I felt impossibly angry with myself. I did not tell him to stop and I did not have the foggiest clue why. Carefully, I sat up, doing my best to maneuver my body away from his as I did so, which earned me another painfully arrogant look from the assassin. Truthfully, I did enjoy playing and teasing Lachance. His obvious want coupled with the amulet made me feel in control, no matter how misguided the sentiment was. But this and last night went too far. The man killed for pleasure and gold. This frightened me...but not as much as it should have. My reoccurring lack of fear was worrisome, indeed. What's more, despite my confusion towards the Count, I could not...I could not process thoughts of him. I did not want to think about him but nor did I want to hurt him...I effectively stopped any and all thoughts of the Count.
"I shook my head..." I began with audible uncertainty, feeling more embarrassed over my tentative tone.
"I was not looking. Vocalize, my dear. Both pleasures and pains, please. I need them for reference when I work you." I shot the assassin a dirty look, one that he quickly ate up, as was his way with any of my 'fire'. Thankfully, Lachance stopped his pursuits and pulled a shirt over his head. "At any rate, I shall wait for you. However, do not expect me to halt my chase. I have no intentions of leaving you be."
"Is that not a contradiction?" I said in exasperation as I watched the assassin loosen the lacing of his pants with a small wince. I quickly brought a hand up to shield him from my gaze as he sought comfort within his trousers. In an effort of distraction, I chewed my lip and considered how burdensome it must have been to be a man, as their arousal could not be hidden and seemed uncomfortable if not eased. Before the assassin could answer my question, I threw another, babbling to further divert my attentions. "You said you were romantically vested in me. What does that mean when coming from you?"
"It means," He began with a sigh, finally having unlaced himself and abated some of his ache. "That I consider us a union...a couple of sorts, if you will." I lowered my hand to watch the assassin pull on his boots and decided to dress as well - if only to busy my hands. "I enjoy you - your company and talk. You are different from what I am used to and that in itself is difficult to come by. My selection of women tends to follow very distinct habits and patterns. Yours are entirely new to me. I will cherish them if permitted."
"You see us as a couple because I am enjoyable to you?"
The assassin scoffed at my tone. "Do not pretend to be so appalled, Little Countess. I know the feeling is mostly mutual." Lachance moved forward and assisted in tying my overdress closed. I could not help but to stealthily examine his features as he did so. "You yourself told me that you do not hate me. I believe your affection runs deeper - as you would say. The only obstacle in our progression happens to be in Skingrad. If that was removed, you could truly test your likeness for me. I have already tested mine for you...I think we make a more than an agreeable pair."
I furrowed my brow as Lucien finished off my lacing, tying a neat little bow over my bust. "An agreeable pair? On what grounds? I loathe what you do."
"But you know of it." Lachance said pointedly, fixing me with a look to match his tone. "Nothing is hidden. You know well of me and what I do and I have intimate knowledge of you as well. We are on even ground. There need not be any elaborate secrets. I am going to work - will be all that needs to be said, you can puzzle out the rest. We can live a new life of blatant honesty...and I need not crowd you. There will be times when I cannot have you accompany me to certain locations. You may be alone then and enjoy your peace, which is something I do not think you have ever had the pleasure of doing."
I eyed Lucien, feeling both disturbed and intrigued. His approach was built off of his logic and perspective. I supposed for him, it seemed like an agreeable plot for us. Unfortunately for me, I knew not how to digest his idea. I had only traveled with the assassin for little over a week. In that time we had been ridiculously close, only parting for an hour, at the longest. I could admit that his company was not terrible. If not for his work, I would probably enjoy him more than I already did. His ploy had its points but the idea was still very unrealistic and troubling. I belonged to the Count, wrong as it might be, and I still honored that arrangement. The Count had hurt me and broke me. I felt little more than a whore on leave...in spite of this, I was trying desperately to cling to what once was, and I still had to take my weight of blame. Still, I could not deny the growing bitterness that I felt each day I spent away from Skingrad. The longer I went without the Count, the more troubled I became by the thought of our reunion.
With a frown, I played with my hair in thought, remembering when the Count had tried to confess his feelings for me. I had denied him, which spurred violence only hours later. With this in mind, I knew better than refuse Lachance and his plot, though I would not agree to him either. I would, however, openly admit that I liked his approach to the topic of romance and couples. It was based on mutual satisfaction and gain, not purely sentiment. "You have given this a considerable amount of thought..."
"I certainly have."
As I stared at the assassin, I mulled over all his words. Lucien Lachance was not some lovestruck boy. He was a man who saw an opportunity and created a proposal that, to him, was an excellent option for both. It was logical and considerate - as far as Lucien Lachance was concerned. Yet I could not help but wonder why he would offer such a proposition to me. We had not been together long and besides our playing, I did not permit Lachance to touch me. Lucien did not seem to be the type to invest in something he was uncertain of or had not already tested and approved. In this, I grew curious and wondered what about myself did the assassin find worthy of his constant company. I also did not want to mislead him with false agreements. Thus, being so intrigued, I asked him what it was he liked about me, without using those words, of course. "May I ask, what do you usually like in a woman? And how am I so different?"
It was then Lucien's turn to eye me strangely, so much so that it caused me to wonder if I had said something wrong or vile. "I hope you are not searching for ways to dissuade me. I shall note any and all sudden behavioral changes you make to yourself. I shall answer you, but bear in mind, I am watching you closely, Little Countess..." He began with a dark and devious tone. I swallowed hard and met his gaze evenly, finding it almost amusing that he thought I would do such a thing...as I had secretly considered it. He knew me well. "Personally, I like a woman who is...difficult. You are much more easy to speak to. I find that I like it, oddly enough. You also have your own little sparks of fire and temper, which I quite like too. It keeps all interesting and it is a welcome change to my usual desires for constant piss and vinegar temperments." I blinked at this, finding it odd that Lucien Lachance would like such a thing at all. I had assumed he would anger easily over any defiance that was not deemed playful. "You are a welcome balance of bittersweet. Defiant and stubborn too but only when you choose to be so. It keeps me engaged and your sweetness is a reprieve. It is a delightful change to the nonsense I tolerate for a decent lay." Lucien smiled at me as though struck with an epiphany. "And we have not yet had sex. Still, I find you more intriguing and likable than any other woman I have been with."
"Perhaps that is why..." I ventured, my statement quickly shot down by a still ever proud and grinning Lachance.
"Always the optimist," He teased, passing me one of my shoes. "I would never waste time on a woman that I did not find stimulating. I can openly admit that you shall be my greatest conquest. That, however, is not what I am solely after."
"Of course not. Going by your other proposal, you want someone who will carry your children and live happily sheltered away somewhere, so that you may come and go as you please." The assassin laughed and shook his head.
"No my dear, I desire a partner, above all things. Someone to share your whole self with is very difficult to come by in this world." He again fixed me with that sweetly new and boyish smile, which quickly set me on edge, as he last followed it up with a very disturbing offer. "Children would have been an interesting additive but they are hardly a primary factor. Perhaps it is for the better that we cannot have them. Travel will be more pleasant, as it is now."
"Pleasant? This is news to me." I countered lightly with a smile, causing the assassin to pull a false frown. "I believe you think too highly of me to already consider such things."
"A man in my position has not time for subtleties, I have told you this before..." Lucien Lachance watched me closely for a moment as I combed my hair out with my fingers. I tried my best to ignore his stare. "What is it that you look for in a man, my dear?" I gave a quick and honest shrug. Much like food and flowers, I had never given it much thought.
"I do not know, I have never truly looked," I admitted, the assassin flashing me a look that plainly said he thought otherwise.
"You cannot have no preferences." He began, easily letting his disbelief be heard. "There must be something that pulls you... A trait or a look?"
I made a little face in thought, easily listing several things in my head that seemed funny to voice. There were some things that I thought would be agreeable. The Count not having such a poor temper and changeable mood were the first things that came to mind. Nevertheless, I would not tell the assassin such things. Instead, I went for an easier but no less honest route. "A man with a nice, genuine smile. I would like him to endeavor to make me feel happy. I would do the same for him too." Lucien Lachance did not look very amused with my offering, his brow quirked, eyes full of obvious doubt.
"You need not impress me, there is no one here but us. Speak your mind, my dear. What do you really want in a lover?"
"...Fine." I sighed, trying to avoid Lachance's stare. "I suppose I would like someone strong to protect me. A man who will not use me to sate his desires but want me genuinely..." The assassin made a small gesture with his hands for me to continue. I knew I could go on and on about a virtuous man but that would never sate Lucien Lachance. He wanted literal traits, not qualities. "...And tall. I-I would like him to be tall." I confessed, an image of the Count guiltily entering my mind. "Handsome, dark-haired, large hands..." As the words left me I chewed my lip, hands nervously twiddling in my lap. I glanced over at the assassin, noting with irritability that he fit my description and we both knew it.
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Lucien Lachance was a murderer with a nearly insatiable bloodlust that served him considerably in his rise to power within the Dark Brotherhood. Over the years, greatly aided by ambition and cruelty, he was gifted new ranks and stimulating contracts. His victims would soon fall prey to his childish curiosity of the body's inner workings and pain threshold. Skill quickly mixed with powerful savagery and the man turned his body in its entirety into a refined tool, which he wielded at his pleasure. Once gifted with a commission, his brutality was unleashed with total venom, an elegant and bloody dance of metal and flesh would ensue. His death craft was an art...and he took great pride in it.
With excellence wrought from vigorous training and pure natural ability, Lucien Lachance secured both interest and intrigue within his Family. The assassin was articulate, eloquently spoken and ruthlessly cunning. He learned quickly that he could talk his way in or out of trouble - depending on his preference. He was adept in manipulations and darker dealings. Ever the entrepreneur at heart, the assassin had no qualms with strategic organization and promotion of the Brotherhood. He was eager to get his hands dirty. Whether the filth be blood or ink mattered not to Lachance as pure ambition, derived by pleasure, happened to be his greatest motivator. He needed a challenge, he needed a constant goal to reach for, to sink his teeth into. Something fleshy and satisfying...
He devoured his contracts and tore through his prey like the literal paper their names had been sanctioned upon. He could be an obscenely violent or frighteningly tender killer. The latter he found oddly satisfying as it would lengthen his time with the target. The assassin heard no complaints about his excessively demented methods, his torture and ruthlessness were praised. Above all, Lucien Lachance was deceivingly charming, a delicate mix of suave and sadistic. His becoming a Speaker was inevitable, it happening earlier than expected was a grim - but still happy - accident.
Abigale Lynn's refusal of his advances again caused this very dangerous blood to boil. His anger was easily channeled away from the object of his desires and instead exacted upon two very unlucky bandits. After leaving the witch's cottage, he easily spotted footprints in the loose dirt. Lachance purposely set up camp near their location, so as Abigale Lynn slept, he could go out to play.
One Redgaurd he quickly dispatched as he slept. The Nord had not been so lucky. He purposely roused her from sleep, cast a spell of Silence and brought a dagger down with extreme force, roughly thirty times. The blood spatter felt good and most of his unendurable tension left him. Lachance eventually stepped away to observe his handiwork. Excessive and savage, a true paragon of murder. He felt remarkably better and finally tore himself away from the scene. Lucien Lachance did not bother to loot the corpses of his kills. Such dirty bandits would hardly have anything worth taking, aside from their lives, of course.
Upon returning to his camp, Shadowmere was all too pleased to greet him. He had considered going straight to join the slumbering maiden within the tent but knew better. He needed a good washing, as did his clothes. With bloodstained fingers crudely wiped on his trousers, he rummaged through Abigale Lynn's possessions, something he often did, unbeknownst to the girl. After some searching, he came across her soap and smiled. He decided that more satisfaction was needed, and what better way to pleasure himself further than surround himself in the girl's scent?
His only regret that evening had been the frigid river.
When he finally returned to camp and crawled into bed with the girl, he had been damp and cold. He pulled her to him fast, again more than pleased by the deepness of her sleep. He touched her lightly, finding her warm skin to be soothing after his wash. There was a strange equilibrium achieved as he held her to his chest. The act of his earlier violence played out in the memory of his fingertips and palms, which made holding her soft, tender flesh all the more satisfying. He very much wanted the girl to agree to his desires. The time spent so close to Abigale Lynn lifted him. It was a very strange and welcome thing to hold an innocent who knew of his unholy deeds. He had not commanded the girl to sleep beside him in days, it was just something she had become accustomed to.
They made an endearing pair. He dearly hoped to have her choose to stay by his side. He could picture their sex, their travel, their life...it would be stimulating. He could go out and befoul Nirn, then return to the gentle embrace of Abigale Lynn. He could tell her stories of his darkness and watch her eyes widen with fear, then he would win her over with honeyed words and make her his. He would have her in his bed and ravish her completely. He would bring her sweetness to his wicked desires. He enjoyed the attention and would endeavor to surprise her again and again. She would fall to his lust just as he fell to her light.
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Janus Hassildor poured over his usual papers. Today he worked gingerly, ignoring the near physical strain it took to remain vested in the documents before him. It was but another day of work and tedium. He would again visit Rona to abate his boredom and pay his due respects. He had calmed significantly since his earlier disdain and quieted all his woes in regards to his Abigale Lynn. 'She will return' became a holy mantra in his mind. Mentally reciting it helped appease him.
Dawn was again approaching and he truly loathed the coming day, as that seemed to be when his Abigale Lynn was at her most curious. And, much like clockwork, he began to feel his little love. It pained him greatly, deciphering these disturbing patterns and recognizing the desire she felt. It angered him, to be sure, but he was steadily becoming more saddened by all. He was to blame. If his Abigale Lynn no longer wanted to be with him it was his doing. Knowing this caused him great anxiety. He could not help but wonder if his actions warranted possible deception.
He had been awful. He had been horrible. He had said things one should never think, nevermind say, to the woman they loved. The Count did not know if it was possible to amend such a thing but he would do all within his power to fix it. Janus just wanted his Abigale Lynn back in order to do so. He realized with her absence how much he truly loved her. She was beautiful, like a lovely apparition manifest, as though she emerged from the sweetest dream, an embodiment of beauty in its purest form. He longed to worship her, to beg her forgiveness and pour his heart out by her feet. He needed to bare himself, his true self, and not the monster he had portrayed out of hurt and confusion. He was a vampire, there was no denying this, nor could he always stifle his vampiric impulses. However, there were measures to be taken and procedures to implement to better ensure the safety and comfort of his love. She need not fear him.
The Count still greatly desired her to become one with him for all of eternity. He would strive to see this through. Abigale Lynn was his, in her entirety, she simply was. He would not lose her to the passage of time. She would be his forever. He would love her forever. Together there was nothing they could not do. He could rule Skingrad with her for decades to come. He could make all her wishes and dreams come true. The Castle would be hers just as he would be. As husband and wife, they would know pure happiness. Janus found real happiness with her and he desperately wanted it back. He had never known such joy as he had once he held Abigale Lynn in his arms. It was so innocent and accidental. True love spurred from a thief in the night. His thief. She took his heart and now he wanted hers.
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We were to travel to Leyawiin. It would take several days and I was unsure how to feel about it. Lucien promised me that we would not stop in Bravil, despite him wanting to for an easy bed and supplies. I was grateful, as I could not bear the thought of the city. I could only pray that the assassin would keep his word. He comforted me with the promise of a warmer climate. The further south we traveled, the warmer all would become. This was most welcoming news. Traversing County Cheydinhal in the early spring proved shockingly cold in comparison to Skingrad.
In Leyawiin lived a Mages Guild acolyte. Lachance and she had a small history. They also bargained from time to time so the assassin deemed her our best bet for the witch's request for Soul Gems. I tried to focus on our quest and tried to imagine the city of Leyawiin. All felt impossible to do. I thought of the Count and of Lucien Lachance himself. As we moved forward with our journey, I knew I moved closer to Skingrad. This frightened me. My heart would leap into my throat at the thought of returning to the Count. I missed him so but I could not think of him without feeling fear in my heart. Lucien Lachance had killed someone the previous evening yet I found more comfort in his hands then I did in my thoughts with the Count.
The assassin was deadly and cunning. I knew it was wrong for me to find solace in him but I did and it could not be stifled. I clung to him once my imaginations turned dark and he would pet me like an animal and say sweetly condescending things to draw out my fire and distract me from my troubles. It worked beautifully and I was growing to respect the ever clever man. His constant blend of teasing and fawning was, unfortunately, pleasurable. I was beginning to find too much comfort in the dangerous and charming Lucien Lachance.
Camping together had become routine. Easy. Sleeping together, however, was growing more uncomfortable. His warm hands felt far too nice on my body. The scratch of his stubble upon my skin caused me to shiver. I would back into his heat on instinct but stay as he slept out of pure curiosity. It was terrible. I tried to think of the Count to check my behavior...but thoughts of him only made me afraid or angry. The effect I desired was absent entirely. I worried.
The days passed and as Lucien had said, the air grew warm, hot even. Our cloaks became long forgotten in our packs. I had abandoned wearing pants beneath my skirt and the air, though damp, felt curious on my skin. The foliage had changed dramatically. All was lush and thick. Vines climbed the trees and moss and flowers larger than my head littered the sides of the road. The humid climate reminded me of Anvil in the midsummer. As we drew closer to the city of Leyawiin, I found myself unknotting my dress and fanning myself. The heat was nice, welcoming but my thick dress made it difficult to enjoy.
Lucien and I walked along the coast of the Niben, giving Shadowmere a well-deserved rest from our combined weight. The assassin, who had no love for the warmth, rolled up his sleeves, a permanent scowl set upon his features. With the sun so high, veiled by impending rain and air so thick, I could not blame him. "Why anyone would choose to live here is beyond me." He grunted, wiping some sweat from his brow. "We will surely take ill from such a drastic change." Lucien continued to complain. The assassin who so loved carrying supplies had abandoned all on the mare. Shadowmere did not seem to mind in the least.
"It is a welcome heat. We shall not be so cold tonight." I offered, getting a dangerous look from Lachance in response. I could not help but smile and turn away.
"Why are you only an optimist when it comes to weather? All else has you cowering and loathing your own existence. Throw in humidity and you change? Unbecoming." The assassin countered with all the coolness he desperately missed. At this, I laughed aloud and vainly attempted to stifle my giggles behind my hand. Not much seemed to irk the assassin, besides heat...or if I rolled away from him in the dead of night.
"Forgive me, I did not mean to so offend you." I dared to flash him a cheeky grin. "I did not know the heat weakened you so." As expected, the assassin fixed me with a look, both challenging, aggravated and amused. I nonchalantly toyed with my hair, pretending not to feel the weight of his stare. Then the assassin stopped walking altogether, which forced my attention. Shadowmere and I paused to watch the assassin as he looked off at the water. Several bridges and docks linked together small isles of land scattered along the waterbody.
Lucien Lachance scratched his chin. "Hmm, the water gets rather deep over there..." A smirk twisted along his lips as he made his way forward. I eyed the dock in question, wondering if the assassin wanted to again stop to fish. He stood before me, eyes and demeanor much brighter. "I think it's time that I made good on another promise to you." I blinked, curious as to what he meant but had no time to think before I was grabbed and hauled over Lachance's shoulders.
Immediately, I shrieked and pleaded at the assassin's back as he walked. Lucien only whistled a jovial tune as I weakly pushed against him. It became rather apparent that I was to be tossed in the Niben. "P-please, do not! Put me down! I-I don't want to! No!" Lachance laughed manically as we neared the water. I deeply regretted telling him that I could swim those few weeks ago.
"Have I not told you that life is full of suffering, my dear?" Lucien teased through a laugh as he walked proudly along the dock with me slung over his shoulder like a trophy kill. "But perhaps I can be persuaded to release you. What are you willing to do to stay dry?" In truth, it was not so much the fear of water that had me panicked, but being tossed about easily like a sack of potatoes. I did not like it. It only served to remind me of my smallness.
"Anything," I squeaked, trying to find a comfortable position on Lachance's shoulders. "What is it you want?"
The assassin only chuckled. "Oh, you know full well what I want, Little Countess." I groaned. Obviously, I would not sleep with Lucien Lachance to get away from this dry and slightly jumpy. I swallowed hard and accepted my fate, but Lachance did not take my giving in lightly. "Come now, bargain with me. If not sex, perhaps you will do something else?"
"What do you want?" I demanded, awaiting his nonsensical demands that I would inevitably shoot down.
"Well," Lucien began, his free hand running the length of my leg. "I would very much like to share a drink with you." I swallowed hard and considered his offer. Truthfully, it did not seem so bad, but I knew Lachance's motives, which made the proposal uncomfortable. Still, I considered it better than being sopping wet and walking the rest of the way to Leyawiin with a gloating and dry assassin...
"Alright, I will," I said in defeat, my tone earning me a sharp smack to my backside. I gasped and grew needlessly angry but bit my cheek with painful force to keep from insulting the man who still had me perilously close to the Niben. Thankfully, Lucien soon put me down, a light sheen of sweat over his brow from the heat. I only glared, feeling flushed and flustered myself. "Forgive me again. It appears the heat does not weaken you but riles you more." Lachance only smiled, again bringing the back of his hand over his brow.
"This heat is unbearable. It can make me irritable. We will need to go swimming." I nodded, trying to appear polite as I inched my way off of the dock.
"I promise I would gladly swim with you so long as I can step into the water and not be thrown." It was Lucien's turn to nod and I watched him curiously as he removed his boots and then his shirt. He gave me a very expectant look. I did not know he had meant presently. Turning away, I carefully began to remove my shoes as well.
"Will you swim in your dress?" He taunted over the sloshing sound of him walking into the water. "It will be quite uncomfortable to walk around in, you realize."
"I have no intentions of swimming naked," I admitted, slipping out of all clothing but my chemise, feeling rather bare despite no one being around and Lucien having seen me in similar states numerous times. The assassin had already submerged himself up to his waist, he grinned at me and beckoned me closer. Guiltily, I enjoyed the view. I swallowed hard and removed my hair tie, though I did not know why I felt it prudent to do so.
The water was cold and yet felt achingly nice. I unwillingly let out little whimpers and gasps as I went deeper into the Niben. When I neared the assassin, I purposely moved away from him, despite his more than expectant stance. I would not walk into his opened arms. As expected, he came to me quickly.
With his hands at my hips, I bit my lip as he began to pull me into deeper water. "It feels good, does it not?" He asked with his mouth by my ear. I nodded to him foolishly, finding the feel of his hands beneath the water surreal. He pulled my body closer and I did all I could to not continue to stare at his naked chest. Despite having seen him without a tunic every day since being with him, the site did not grow old. I enjoyed it too much.
"Will you be pleasant again now?" I asked, sinking down to my knees and to submerge myself up to my shoulders. The still standing assassin beamed, which caused me to quickly move away slightly.
"With you at this angle, how can I not be?" I shook my head at him and moved away further, allowing the water to wash over me. I closed my eyes for a moment, easily envisioning Anvil. I would swim for hours as a child. I did not realize how much I missed the water. "You are a little fish," Lachance commented, again capturing my attention. He simply stood there, watching me heatedly. At times the assassin seemed to lust after me for no apparent reason. This time I could not label it as such, for I too found him very stimulating to look at. I blamed the heat of the day.
"And you are not yet swimming, only staring." As if to challenge me, which he so liked to do, Lachance disappeared into the water. I squealed once he finally reemerged behind me, hands again at my waist. He spun me to face him, grinning and wet. I laughed and pushed at his chest as he pulled me nearer. "Do you feel better?" I asked as I gave his wet ponytail as squeeze, watching the water seep through my fingers.
"Perhaps." He said as he cupped the back of my head and drew me in close. "There are many other ways that I could feel better with you if you would only let me." I pouted and looked away from Lachance, although I found it difficult to do so. The assassin gave a light tug on my hair, effectively capturing my attention once more. "Are you ready for that kiss yet?" He stared me down as I went to shake my head, his grip preventing me from doing so. Just as I opened my mouth to refuse him, thunder clapped loudly overhead. I jumped away from the assassin and stared up at the very dark sky, rain steadily pelting the water's surface. Lucien Lachance again looked positively bitter. "Divine intervention." He groused, before offering me a disingenuine smile.
Leaving the Niben was the wisest decision but quickly turned uncomfortable. My white chemise clung to me and turned remarkably transparent. As we trudged to the shoreline, I tossed the damp ends of my hair over my breasts in attempts to cover what could be seen beneath my wet clothing. I also kept my distance behind the assassin and prayed he would not turn to look at me. I grabbed my clothes fast and tried to vainly wring out my chemise, realizing that I would have to somehow abandon the drenched slip.
"You should have swum naked," Lachance commented lightly from over his shoulder as he wrung out his trousers and slipped his boots back on. He then faced me fully with a very prominent grin as I hugged my dry overdress to my chest. "You will be remarkably uncomfortable walking around in that."
"It is raining, I would be wet regardless." I quipped before turning away from him to redress. It was true, so I decided to simply tolerate the discomfort. Lucien let out a long, low and unneeded whistle as I did.
"White shirt, white smalls, all wet...no concealment whatsoever. I approve." This made me dress all the more quicker. Sopping wet, uncomfortable and now flushed pink, I turned to glare at the wolfishly grinning assassin. "I greatly appreciated the preview, my dear. I am all now very eager to get you into an inn."
"Do not be, we shall not be doing anything out of the norm." I clarified as I trudged over to Shadowmere. The still very happy Lucien and I mounted her and made our way to Leyawiin.
Author's Notes: Overload of sexual tension...Had to end it here. The quality deteriorates towards the end XD I know, I know, craptastic chapter. There's plenty that I can't wait to get into!...But I can't drag out the traveling too much. The story would easily exceed 200 chapters if I did. We are technically on book 2 of Love or Blood but I think that 200 chapters is excessive. LoB is already so dang long! R&R if it pleases ya!
PS Certain reviews I can't answer as it could give stuff away D8 I'm sorry! You're not ignored!
PSS The next chapter WILL have sexual content. I will post the proper warnings, but I try to also warn ahead of time too in case someone is not interested. I'm forsaking spontaneity for politeness. XD