Author's Notes: To all who reviewed, thanks a million! I appreciate the feedback so much! Especially when including sex in chapters, as awaiting those reviews is horrible experience XD! Thank you for the continued support and encouragement! It's so fun writing LoB. I look forward to sitting down with my coffee and typing like a fiend! Now, (unfortunately) no Janus in this chapter. Again, repetition and development. Besides, he's stewing right now...what else is new? XD Poor guy! And, *cough* creative title is creative...8D
Love or Blood
Chapter Fifty-nine: Leyawiin
xxxx
I awoke the following morning with an absolute heaviness that settled in the pit of my stomach before my eyes could even flutter open. I stared in horror at the wall I faced as last night's events played out in my mind. I swallowed hard, the action almost difficult due to the dryness of my mouth. I quickly registered Lucien Lachance's body next to mine. Unfortunately, he was not sleeping. Far from it, as he walked his fingers up the length of my arm. My face burned as more and more memories stormed the forefront of my conscious. I longed to hide, to somehow vanish, but could do no such thing.
"Good morning, my beautiful Little Countess." My blush worsened at his very voice. I found myself staring widely at the blankets, unable to fix my expression in the slightest. "Did you rest well?" With my lip between my teeth, I forced a hesitant nod, unsure how to function properly while feeling such great shame and fear. My amulet was gone. I was no longer protected against the assassin. Thankfully, he had not used this very unfavorable turn of events to take advantage of me. However, I knew with miserable certainty, that if he had proceeded, I could not promise that I would have fought him off last night.
"That is good to know." He continued. "I worried that you drank a tad too much. We won't be indulging so heavily again. I did not realize how very minimal your tolerance was. I apologize for near poisoning you. Next time, you shall be lucid..." Lachance again stroked my arm and inched ever nearer. I gulped again, shrinking into myself, my hands nervously slipping between my thighs to hide my sex as I all too vividly remembered the way the assassin had touched me. "Do you remember our kiss?" He purred in question. I shuddered involuntarily and quickly sat up, burning with shame and terrible guilt.
"I do and I am so sorry. T-that should not have happened." I stared at the ever-grinning and handsome assassin as he stretched out leisurely, seemingly unperturbed.
"Why? I quite enjoyed it. Was it not up to par? Ready for another?" I quickly shook my head, hand nervously toying with my hair as my mind continued to boggle at the site of him and all that occurred. I could not fathom my behavior, my total lack of care and fall to carnality. I had only wanted, my 'wants' still plain as day in my mind as I took in the man before me. Every little desire that I had so longed to stifle screamed for him - a murderer. It was awful. Worse still, I had betrayed the Count. I had wronged him in ways I would never have imagined doing. Whether or not he truly cared for me, I cared for him. I did not understand how I could act so loosely while feeling for another. It made no sense. I questioned monogamy, my morals, and my very sanity.
I was lead astray - no, I merrily walked hand-in-hand with the assassin along the path of sin. The Count and I were very much estranged but that granted me no rights to know another man, no matter how desperately I felt the need to. I was the Count's slave but my affection for him was great. Greater than my fear? I knew not. The only thing that I knew to be truth within myself now was my outrageous desire for Lucien Lachance. I longed to touch him again. The feeling was pure urgency and it was maddening. Not knowing what to do, say or feel, I buried my face in my hands and blinked back tears. "Oh Gods, please, please help me..."
The assassin laughed and sat up beside me, his arms wrapping around my body and mouth falling to my shoulder once more. "The Gods won't be helping you, my dear. You are with me now." He continued to chuckle lightly, touching me everywhere as there was no longer an amulet to stop him from doing so. Lachance deeply inhaled my hair and groaned, his hands still roaming. "You smell and taste like Aetherius."
"Stop!" I squealed, prying myself from his grip and sitting at the foot of the bed, my hands clutching at my own hair as I continued to watch Lucien in pure bewilderment. "I-I-I am...Gods, what is wrong with me? How could I?" I shook my head once more, feeling foul in every way possible. It was not only my terrible behavior that so appalled me but my burning desire to continue what was started. To touch and roam the assassin as he had done to me...I could not shake the want or thoughts. "I-I am ruined! What did I do? Why...Oh, Gods..." I realized then as Lachance sat across from me, looking thoroughly intrigued as I crumbled, that everything I felt and had done was sensed by another. The Count knew. I knew he knew. My desire finally went cold and I looked to the assassin in abject horror. "...I am dead."
"Pardon?"
"He knows!" I cried, hands going to my neck as though the Count himself would spring from the shadows in spite of the day. "He knows. My Gods, I am doomed...H-he will kill me now. I deserve death, he will say...I-I will not be pardoned again. I return to Skingrad, I go to my grave." My body grew cold and I began to tremble, my gaze darting fearfully about the room. Lachance only glared and moved to gather me in his arms once more. I flinched but allowed him all the same. My shameless, licentious act would now be the death of me. I gripped the assassin and again shook my head. "I let you touch me. I want to touch you back. He knows. I shall surely die for it. Why did I..." I felt close to retching and hid my face in Lachance's chest, shrouding myself from Nirn in the object of my deadly desire.
"You are right, as he does know. However, he will not be touching you again. Never again..." The assassin soothed, his chin resting atop of my head, his touch warm and comforting. "You need not go to Skingrad. It is behind you now, that time is over. Forget all as though it never was. Together, we shall forge you a fresh start." Lucien Lachance peeled me from him, my shoulders engulfed in his hands as his eyes, black and endless like a void, captured my gaze with remarkable intensity. "Don't you see? You are with me now, my dear. You are mine. If you still so wish to serve, then serve me. Your new life has just begun." A little smirk twisted along his lips as he brushed my hair from my face. "Embrace your fate, my Abigale. But fear not, for I shall be with you every step of the way."
I only stared, so very confused and afraid as he drew even nearer. "But...How?" I asked, my voice so very small as I searched him, held prisoner by the severity of his look. "I-I do not understand -" The assassin took my face in a hand and pressed his lips to my own. The action startled me but I quickly melted at his touch. His mouth was warm as I had remembered but somehow greater. The kiss did not deepen, as I did not allow it to do so. I was too troubled and still so very confused. Yet somehow, I was miraculously comforted greatly by the scratch of his hair and heat of his lips.
Lachance broke the kiss, still holding my face in his hand as he grinned down at me. "We are bonded now, you and I." I did not know what to do or say in response. Against my wishes, I again thought of the Count. His fanged smile, cold touch, and confessions of love haunted me like a true specter. Fresh tears formed in my eyes as I knew then, now faced with never returning and in the grasp of another man, that I had truly loved the Count of Skingrad. I sniffled, allowing my tears to fall as I leaned further into the assassin's grip. I was deathly afraid of the Count and his true-self was a mystery to me, but I knew my feelings had been pure, despite me refusing them. I knew not whether his admissions were sincere, I genuinely doubted him greatly, but my inner affections had been honest and true.
All was useless now. Terribly dangerous even if I had not fallen into temptation with Lachance. The Count had attacked me, killed me, had me and now wanted to marry me and kill me once more, so that I may be his forever. Eternity... I had been through much with him in half a year's time. The concept of forever with the man who had done so much harm made me weak. Foolishly, I longed to return to him. Had he been the compassionate Count I once knew, I surely would take my chances and confess my sins and beg his forgiveness. But now...returning meant my death. It was absolute certainty. Whether he ended me in anger or passion, to ruin or keep me, he wanted to take my life. If I returned, it would be done, and I did not want to die.
I stared again into the eyes of Lucien Lachance, the murderer, the coldblooded killer. So many looked to him with their last breath upon their lips. When I saw him, I saw life, I saw a chance to live.
XXXX
Vicente Valtieri had left Castle Skingrad only hours before. He trudged through the West Weald, leading his mount by his reigns as riding seemed too monotonous. Having been in the company of the still very addled Janus, the elder vampire very much needed to feel the dirt beneath his boots. The Count's flippant persona and currently justifiable woes had nearly knocked the Executioner for a loop. He was still mentally reeling. In all actuality, he believed Janus to have handled all rather well. The man was known for his temper, and being latched to the one you so loved as they betrayed you seemed the idle thing to exacerbate one's disposition.
Again, Vicente praised his friend for his handling of the situation. All seemed to click. It was the Count's doing. Had he not been mourning another for half a century, his mind would not have been so damaged. His wife put a terrible burden on everything. If not for the Countess, Janus would have been in a much better mental state. He would have been fully capable of accepting the beautiful Abigale Lynn. The poor girl's treatment was so very corrupt, and now in the hands of Lucien Lachance, Vicente could not help but worry further.
Lachance was, by all accounts, utterly controlling. Despite his absolute hatred for slavery, the man enjoyed his power over others. His rule was never abused but the man could be horrifyingly wicked once his wishes were defied. Unfortunately, going by the Count's gruesome input over the goings on of Lucien and Abigale Lynn, the elder vampire was sure that the pair had yet to actually sleep together. Vicente knew this with terrible certainty. There was no way on Nirn that Lachance would let the girl off that easily. Janus only knowing that Abigale Lynn was being pleasured which ended with a little fear, only made all very clear to Vicente Valtieri. Lucien was working the girl into his embrace, steadily winning her over with honeyed words and pure desire.
Had the two actually been 'fornicating' as the Count had assumed, Janus would have been alerted to a great deal of sensations. Vicente had marked and felt his underlings before whilst they were in the throws of passion and it was certainly something that could hardly be ignored. Sex was raw and animalistic. Even if done between two who were madly in love and tender, it was indescribably natural. Thoughts were obliterated and nothing but greedy finish existed. Pain and pleasure, all mixed together into a potent echo that would hit a vampire like a castle falling from the sky. And, truth be told, Vicente would have felt it too, as Vicente had marked a young Lucien Lachance long ago...
The elder vampire had been a Speaker. He was the one to recruit the boy Lucien and took a great interest in the youth. As Lachance had been so young, Vicente spent a considerable amount of time with him, gauging his mental states and skill. It quickly became apparent that there was much to the black-eyed and messy-haired twelve-year-old. On the cusp of his teenage years once taken into his fold, Lucien Lachance had a vast array of knowledge towards things that a small boy should not have yet known - due to his parentage, no doubt. In truth, it was disturbing, but the young Lachance very easily hid his demented inclinations behind a little-boy smile, which aided and followed him all the way into adulthood.
Vicente had felt the need to keep tabs on the boy and so became his Master. He watched, he trained, he guided and taught. From death to mathematics, Lucien excelled and was by all accounts, a prized pupil. They slew a great many together and Vicente instilled the love for Sithis within the boy. But as Lucien grew, so did many other elements that shocked the near three-hundred-year-old Vicente.
Before the age of fifteen, Lachance showed his true ruthlessness. His contracts we carried out with extreme diligence and severity. Targets who had no specified manner of death were then subjected to an impressive variety of torments. The boy claimed curiosity and pulled apart his victims with astounding precision. Impressive illustrations, all neatly detailed followed. He labeled parts and took a keen interest in dissection. He visited temples, claiming with his silver-tongue to wish to learn the art of healing, and was given access to scrolls and books of anatomy. Like a scholar, he compared notes and poured over papers as though on a mission.
By sixteen, he had significantly soared through the ranks of the Brotherhood and also took up an apprenticeship with a smith of his own volition. The boy learned of metals and weapon preservation - what tool was best for cutting this or puncturing that. His skill became famed and useful for the Family. How best to severe an artery or the quickest way to shatter bone? Ask Lucien, he knew.
Constantly needing to busy his hands, the boy had women in his spare time. His early development, rigorous self-maintenance, and way with words worked him into countless beds before his voice had begun to crack. His 'lovers' became useful in and out of the sheets, as Lucien Lachance rarely bedded a woman who had only a singular use. His partners were either smart, rich, or had great social circles. With this, his resources seemed nearly endless. Vicente did not know how the boy kept up with all his curiosities and companions, but he did. Fearing that his pupil would one day bite off more than he could chew, Vicente took a bite as well, to better keep the boy safe.
Lachance had not been happy with Vicente's demand but obeyed all the same and offered his Master his wrist. It lasted for an instant, and having been arguing over the boy's recklessness, the vampire had not been pleased and no pleasure was exuded. Lucien minded well for some years after that, fearing the pain of an angry and hungry vampire. With the passage of more time, Vicente had carefully blocked himself away from Lachance's feelings, for they certainly were offputting to share. The man felt strongly over certain things and was positively indifferent to others, almost as though a part of him, be it psychologically or physically, was missing or never properly formed.
For many years, Vicente feared Lachance's demise. Henceforth, the vampire no longer worried over such things. Lucien was a big boy now and could certainly handle himself - having forced two very small Argonians in his care certainly helped to curb his near manic bloodshed. He quieted his fieldwork and focused more on passing over what he knew to his new charge. Lachance had been tender to Ocheeva and stern with Teinavaa. Lucien poured knowledge into the female and pure skill into her brother. Vicente often times wondered if they had been but another experiment at the hands of Lachance, albeit one that he still tended to daily when he believed no one to be watching him guard his twins. It was almost sweet.
As Speaker for the Black Hand, Lucien was beneath none but Sithis, the Unholy Matron, and the Listener. With his rise to power within the Brotherhood, Vicente distanced himself carefully from his Speaker, purely out of respect. They were still close, as they were Family, but Vicente wanted to stay out of his Brother's path of vision as much as he possibly could. Being a vampire within the Dark Brotherhood was, at times, tedious and dangerous. Should Lucien ever feel that Vicente was a threat, the vampire knew he would be surely dispatched with ease. He would never see it coming. A pinch of garlic in his reserves and a stake as he slept off his weakness would probably be the route Lachance would take. With all that in mind, he loved his Brother from a distance and did his very best to obey the wishes of the boy he watched grow into a man.
Yes, all was very strange now. No longer knowing how to properly analyze Lucien's 'feelings', he endeavored not to. He did his very best to shut out whenever the Speaker worked or played, as it was...interesting, to say the least. Since Abigale Lynn came into the picture, certain elements had surely shifted and new connections formed entirely. The previous evening, he had felt Lachance's desires, but having been with the girl for weeks now, it was nothing too new. They certainly did not have sex, as Lachance set off very strong - admittedly violent at times - impressions. Last night, the man was extremely determined for something that certainly did mingle with desire but was not actual coupling.
Vicente decided to try to pay closer attention to Lucien's patterns once more. It would be wrong of him as inevitably he would vicariously violate Abigale Lynn through his Speaker. Sex was quite the sport to Lachance and the man managed to stimulate himself and others on many different levels during the act. It created quite the picture and often burned in Vicente's mind for days. He could not say that he was pleased with the new burden that he was to bear, but he would endure to keep close to Abigale Lynn. As long as Vicente could sense Lucien's feelings towards the girl, he could get a decent grasp on her safety. As of now, the vampire worried. Abigale Lynn's amulet was no more and she was at the Speaker's mercy...and the Speaker was feeling strange.
xxxx
The rain had stopped some time while I had slept last night. Despite being so very tired and confused, I dressed with the assassin and went to town with him. Still in a state of shock and fear, I followed him mutely and wondered what could truly be done about my position. Lucien told me not to worry, that he would handle all. I did not understand but I clung to him and his words regardless, numb to all but his warmth beneath my fingertips.
The mud squelched loudly under my shoes and I held my skirt in one hand to keep from soiling my clothes any further. Lachance watched me dodge puddles whilst still clinging to his arm with great amusement. "Are you a dancer at a ball or are you avoiding floor traps that are invisible to me?" He teased, purposely pulling me towards another puddle. I cringed as I released him to avoid it, going to him quickly once passed. "Ah, it is so very satisfying to watch you return to my embrace so," Lucien commented as he ruffled my hair, thoroughly messing my ponytail. "I could do this all day."
"Please don't." I snipped, holding the assassin's bicep as though I would fall through Nirn if I let him go. He chuckled but thankfully relented. Before we had left this morning, I had nearly begged Lucien to tame his desires for me as I would endeavor to do the same for him. I was still so very confused and frightened. After having told him this, he attempted gentleness and eased his hold and innuendos. Regardless of the obvious force it took to stifle himself, I greatly appreciated the effort. I was not ready for any of him. Pouting at my thoughts, I turned to the assassin, following his line of vision to a small gathering of several guardsmen and townspeople. "How far is this Mages Guild?"
"On the other side of Leyawiin, I'm afraid." He commented easily, body still perpetually loose and stride still confident, yet I noted a strange sharpness to his eyes. As we further approached the crowd, I felt the assassin maneuvering his body ever so slightly to block me from the bustle. I could hear near frantic conversation and voices laden with concern. I tried to peer around Lucien but he placed his hands upon my hips quite suddenly and violently jerked me in another direction. "And we shall be taking the long way there."
"Halt!"
I jumped, Lucien Lachance's face twitched irritably before he shot me a strange look. He then forced a charming smile and turned towards the Imperial guard who had shouted to us. "May I help you?" The assassin asked politely as he feigned interest, his hand returning to my hip. I looked at the Legion officer curiously. His armor was heavy and bright, gleaming and embellished with gold. He was no mere guardsmen, but a Commander, an extremely high ranking officer. One could tell so very easily by his attire.
"I hope you can, citizen. We are investigating a murder. Interviewing passersby, looking for any information regarding the dead Argonian male found this morning in the eastern canal." In an instant, I went pale and prayed that Lucien and the Legionnaire did not notice. I risked a glance at the assassin, watching his false show of surprise as he pulled me closer to his body, appearing protective. I knew in a mortifying instant that the Argonian's death was Lachance's doing. From his stance to the way he had hoped to avoid the scene made it all so very plain. I was petrified, uneasy and cold. Unfortunately, Lucien saw this quickly.
"There, there my dear. Forgive us, my fiance is a tender woman. Such things disturb her greatly." As the assassin attempted to 'soothe' me, I was newly startled by how easily he turned my natural reaction to his benefit. The guard nodded at us, giving me a sympathetic glance. Lucien brought his mouth to my ear and whispered very softly and yet threateningly. "Mind me." He placed a delicate kiss on my forehead, leaving me very rigid and confused as to what to do. Lucien released me and stepped closer to the guard. "I shall help in any small way that I can, I only ask that my fiance is kept ignorant. Murder is not something one copes with well."
The officer again nodded. "I agree wholehearted, young man. Go speak with my captain. We are hoping to identify the victim. Perhaps you can aid us. I shall stay with your intended." I watched the exchange mutely, still very unsure how to respond or act.
Lucien turned to me once more, his back facing the Legionnaire. "Will you be alright for a moment? This won't take long, I'm sure..." Although posed as a question, the glint in the assassin's eyes commanded me very forcefully to agree. I gave a hesitant nod, my lips trembling slightly as I forced myself to speak.
"I-I think so. If this is what you believe to be best...I will here wait." Lachance gave an approving smile, followed by another much more lingering kiss to my temple. I satisfied him with my response and in present company, it was the only way he could show his gratitude. Although I was to be left alone with the officer, I was anything but pleased with the idea or the circumstance. Lucien Lachance was going to eye the corpse of the person he slew, feign sympathy, shock, and give false information if any at all. I became a tool for him to prove his innocence. My being a 'tender' woman was Lachance's scapegoat. How could he be out murdering innocence when fawning over his gentle and timid wife to be? I could be quite useful to him, and it unsettled me.
"If my ex-wife minded as much as you...well, she would still be my wife, and I'd have hair as full as yours, young man." The legionnaire remarked casually, trying to bring some odd lightness back to circumstance. Lachance and he exchanged a touch more humorous words in passing before I was left alone with the elder guard. He again eyed me with small sympathy before stepping forward. "I hope I did not offend you...Are you alright, miss? You are very pale."
I swallowed hard, unsure of what to do and say to the officer. Any words that left my lips had to be mindful. My hand shook slightly as I placed some of my hair behind my ear. "I believe so. A little frightened. I...I do not do well amid violence."
The Legionnaire nodded. "Not many do, although some handle it better than others, I am afraid. It comes with the territory of my position."
"I pity you then," I said quickly, watching Lucien Lachance speaking to several other guards and people. From the distance, I carefully noted the now apparent body upon the ground. It was draped in a white cloth, poorly covered and distinctly outlined due to the sheet's weight. I felt my knees go week at Lachance's obvious ease around the corpse. A kill. His kill. "H-how can someone do such a thing?" I mumbled in pure shock, slowly being forced to face the grim reality of Lucien's pleasures, all the while knowing that I would have to grow to accept it - accept him, in all of his dark entirety...
"I have been wondering that very same thing for decades now, miss. I wish I could give you a decent answer." The officer carefully came closer to me and placed a gauntleted hand upon my shoulder. "There is a bench, let us go to it. You look faint." I gave a feeble nod and carefully sat as instructed, still focused on the scene before me and the comfortable Lachance as he poked about the corpse as any good and falsely curious samaritan would. "There, better?"
"Yes..." I easily lied, internally wishing that all my problems could be made better by a damp, wooden bench. That was pure fantasy. My entire life was an absolute mess. Made messier by all my foolish tangling with a murderer who I could not pry my sites from. I thought of the previous evening and the pleasure he gave me, along with my great desire for more. I felt horribly ashamed and very much doubted my ability to suppress the current scene I faced...
"Phillida." The officer offered suddenly, mistaking my tone for one of interest. I felt sheepish for being so lost in thought and quickly went along with his mistake, hiding my awkward blush behind a nervous hand.
"Oh, thank you very much officer Phillida." I fidgetted under his oddly amused and gentle stare as numerous images of a murder's head between my legs firmly settled in my mind's eye. I worried the officer could see it too. "You...you are very kind."
"Kind? No, simply understanding and appreciative over your innocence. I normally am stationed in our great Imperial City. Many there have become accustomed to such violence daily. It is so very shameful. Although uncomfortable, I am glad of your genuine reaction." He nodded to me, his light lines from age softening some as his expression relaxed. "It is a thing of beauty and gives me hope for this world. Much like how a lone rose of winter gives a promise for spring." I blinked at the randomly poetic analysis and tried my best to offer a kind smile, only managing something akin to a grimace. "It fits you well, a rose. Matches your hair."
Having been very used to comments of my locks over the years, I nodded to him, thinking how my hair in no way was such a brilliant crimson. Of course, I did not vocalize such a thing. Some, like this guard, found it quite easy to spout random thoughts or bits of information. I was not one of those people and thusly remained the quiet and obedient fiance of the helpful merchant, feeling oddly thankful as I watched said merchant make his way toward us again.
"I am deeply aggrieved to offer you no aid," Lucien said smoothly as he approached us, quickly moving to prod and fuss with me. An act to gauge my wellness, no doubt. "I don't believe I have ever seen him before. I am usually so good with faces..."
The officer gave a small disappointed sigh. "I appreciate the attempt, citizen. Fear not, we will surely find this criminal and he shall face the full extent of punishment." Lachance and the officer continued to chat, speaking idly of justice and the depravity of all that had occurred. I carefully stood once beckoned to do so and together we bade the commander farewell. We turned to leave and although I felt tempted to glance over my shoulder to the carnage once more, I could not bear to. I hung my head in shame.
We crossed the city, the assassin's whistling the only sound I dared focus on out of fear of again being stopped. I wondered if around every corner there would be another corpse, a poor hapless victim, an object of Lucien's 'pleasures' manifest...
"What did he say to you?" Lucien asked quietly but firmly, his arm over my shoulders as we strode together down the road. "He seemed very enamored. Struck by a cherub with an arrow of love, it would seem. I did not like it at all. I also heard him speaking of your hair..."
I could not help but glare at Lachance. Despite my rekindled fear of him and his homicidal 'impulses', I was disgusted. "After what I have just been forced to partake in, you dare to be bothered that he commented on my hair?" I whispered harshly, no longer risking to hold the assassin for support. I distanced myself, angered by the way Lachance looked terribly interested in my behavior but indifferent to my obvious outrage. "You're a...a." Monster...?
"What kind of man did you think me to be then?" The Count said loudly in my mind, causing me to physically falter, my voice dying in my throat before the assassin. I stared off in utter mortification at my own thoughts. It had been some time since the Count's echoes taunted me. "Lose your voice again so quickly? Come now, we've stopped that nonsense long ago." I shook my head, mouth dry and heart racing at the memory. I tried to hide my obvious fear. "If you think I am a monster, you only need to say so."
"You attacked me." Was my mental response but it did not fit my present situation. I looked down the road to where I knew the long dead Argonian lay. Lucien Lachance did not attack me, physically harm me, or berate me in any dark manner. I could not say the same for the Count. I wondered if this was to be my trade off. Lucien hurt others, the Count was more inclined to hurt me. It was a startling realization. As long as I remained with the assassin, he would kill if struck with the temptation to do so. He did it for profit and pleasure...and, apparently, when I denied him. He turned violent inside when I said no to his advances, but his anger was not exacted upon me. The Count's approach was far more direct. I wondered then, as I stared into Lucien's black eyes if I could handle the reality. Could I really live with myself for the sake of living?
Lucien Lachance quirked his brow. The assassin glanced both ways down the road before nodding to himself, fixing me with a false smile once his attention set back to my person. Lucien quickly moved to me, deliberately asserting himself back into my space. I went rigid and stared at him dumbly, memories of Skingrad playing out in my mind as I stood utterly motionless. Lachance only watched me, his expression unreadable as he searched my face. I felt myself begin to cower as I hunched my shoulders and leaned away. "Breathe." He said to me suddenly, eyes still exploring my features. He held his arm out to me once more and I took it fast, avoiding his gaze and very doubtful of all. Lachance then lead us to a small pond, blessedly devoid of people and slightly hidden by a large stone wall, thick with moss.
No sooner had we entered the covering of stone did I turn hurriedly to the assassin, mentally deciding to apologize and avoid any and all wrath. "I am sorry," I said quickly, consciously evading Lucien's stare. "I did not mean to speak so harshly, I...I was just shocked."
Lachance's brows rose, his expression thoroughly confused. "Considering all, I think you handled our predicament rather well." I swallowed hard, feeling confused myself for many different reasons. The Count's words coupled with Lucien's actions left me petrified and lost. I could not shake the outline of the Argonian beneath the white sheet nor the Count's sudden remembered violence. I wondered then, briefly, if all men behaved in such a way when things did not go as they wished. "That was...not something you were yet to see. I had hoped to avoid such a thing. I suppose the rain caused him to drift. A rookie mistake, truly. I will not be so careless again."
The assassin watched me gulp and nod. Truthfully, I was thankful and disturbed by the casual tone he used. He was not rattled in the least by any of the goings on. It was amazing and terrible. Lachance effectively captured my gaze as he placed his hand beneath my chin and forced my stare to him. I remained quiet, so he again spoke. "Are you not coping well?"
"I..." I chewed my lip, weighing my options and foolishly leaning towards honesty, as I had nothing more to say. "I do not know how to cope with this..."
"You can start by insulting me proper." Lucien offered with an oddly genuine smile. I had thought I adjusted well to the assassin's temperament. Not so, as I still awaited wrath that continued to elude me with him. "You longed to say monster, yes? I am very much so...Although I do apologize for subjecting you to such foulness at so early an hour...or so early in our closeness." He stroked my cheek with his thumb, pouting slightly as he did so. "Do not worry, my dear. You will adjust in time. All it takes is a little time."
"I-I am so frightened and repulsed," I admitted again honestly, trying not to weep from sheer confusion. "You are a...a mons...a terrible person. What you do is...I-it is unspeakable!"
"Good girl," Lachance said appraisingly, still lightly stroking my cheek as he observed my face. "Continue. Release it, you will feel better." I was further off-put by his tenderness and even amidst my fear, I shook his hand away and stepped back to glare newly at him.
"I aided you! I aided you...I did not want to. H-how could I?" I buried my face in my hands, trembling slightly from the terrible onslaught of unbearable emotions and complexity. Nothing made sense. If I returned to Skingrad, I would die. If I stayed with Lachance, countless others would in my stead. It was but another sick cosmic joke and I was again the punchline. "How can you do this?! How can I? How can I be with someone that kills when he does not get what he wants?! What do I do?"
Lucien then fixed me with a curious stare and offered, quite calmly, "Whether or not you are with me, I shall continue to kill. It is a love that I have no intentions of ending. With that in mind, attempting to leave me in the hopes of stopping my customs is quite useless. I would not base your opinions on such a notion, it will do Nirn no good." He fixed me then with a lopsided grin. "Actually, the mere thought of you leaving makes my hands itch for my blade... I would not recommend it if you so care for the safety of Tamriel."
"How dare you..." I seethed, ever more revolted by his threat. "This is your bribe then? Am I to stay with you in the hopes to curb your bloodlust? Is this your bargain?"
"Is it not a good one?" He teased, looking positively pleased with himself. "You seem confused, I am merely helping you with your inner suffering. A little incentive can go a long way."
"A long way down..." I mumbled, staring off at the murky pond we stood by. I again blinked back tears, loathing the assassin's darkness. It came with him, and if I was to accept him, I accepted all. Knowing that I truly considered such a thing made me feel so very wrong. I knew what Lucien Lachance did - had done and would continue to do merrily - but it was all word of mouth until now. I did not think too hard in attempts to shield myself from it. Presently, I was forced to face him in his entirety, and I knew such an unfortunate occurrence was only the tip of the iceberg. With all this, I could only stand before him, looking off at leaping toads and wonder if I could stomach myself for staying with a killer. Ever remorseless, ever cold...
"If you desire more encouragement to tolerate myself, know that I do care for you...very much so." But not to me. Why was he not cold to me? I brought myself to again meet his stare, noting his purely driven look. His smile was crooked, very much out of place and lacking its usual transparency. It was more awkward than it was false. I shook my head at it, at him. Everything was so very convoluted. My true and terrible choice had filled me with turmoil. It had taken root with the coming of dawn, for even with Lachance's purely evil tendencies, I could not bring myself to trudge back to Skingrad. The Count was more terrifying to me than Lucien Lachance ever could be, which made me truly question my sanity.
Was Lachance so different to the Count? Were their behaviors the same and I only expected horrible actions from Lucien but not the Count? Was my fear spurred from surprise or genuine terror? They were alike in the many ways that they were different. The Count showed all his emotions, Lachance hid his behind a smirk. The Count killed to nourish, Lucien did so for sport and gold. Both were strong and smart. I had thought the Count gentle, I had counter-wise thought Lucien to be violent to myself - the realization that both were entirely opposite to my original analysis stunned me greatly still. Regardless, the one factor that stood out the most was that I had refused the Count and suffered greatly for it. Whereas I refused Lucien Lachance countless times and never so much as received a genuinely cruel word.
I was selfish, skittish, and pathetic. I was a coward. The Count of Skingrad, a man who I had truly cared for, truly loved, was my greatest fear. He turned into a beast before my eyes because I was frightened by his affection. I would suffer at his hands, I was suffering still because of him. He sheltered me, fed me, took great care to tend to my needs...now, I wondered if there had always been another motive. Did he seek to make an eternal companion out of me once he found me tolerable? Did he only covet my body as most men did? I feared the truth. I feared his wrath. I feared his affection, sex, and love. Everything about him proved painful to my heart and flesh.
Lucien Lachance was a great many things, but of all the things he was, I also knew what he was not. He was not a good man. He was not virtuous or kind. He cared not for those he did not know. He saw insects where one would see people. If you had no value or connection, you were nothing. He took life - no he destroyed life with finesse and glee...but he did not keep this from me. He did not hide his true self behind sweet smiles and disingenuine interest. He made his desires plan - presented in well thought out proposals, and articulately extended them for consideration. With his ambitions, he was much like a man of business. Driven, passionate, clearcut...he would not surprise me with his cruelty as I already knew well of it...and it was not directed at me.
"If you cared for me, you would see how much this troubles me. A-and how wrong this all is." I finally managed, once again avoiding the assassin's stare. Lucien fixed me with a very disapproving look before his expression changed altogether. He scratched his chin in thought and regarded me curiously, lips pulled into a slight pout.
"Perhaps... Oh, I do not relish this offering in the least...perhaps if it would bring you comfort and solidify your faith in my compassion to yourself...I suppose I could ease some of my habitual...methods. Some." I blinked and refocused my attention back to the assassin. From the hesitance of his speech and his slightly curled lip, I gauged then that Lucien was truly trying to relieve me, even if only slightly. I was turned mute by his proposal, both shocked and doubtful. I was not sure what he meant by 'some' but I knew any of taming of Lucien Lachance's wild bloodlust was phenomenal. Knowing he offered such a thing to soothe my mind helped me to calm some. It was hardly atonement, but it was something, and if I was to stay with the assassin, something was certainly better than nothing..."Your silence does little to assure me that this idea is a good one. Should I renounce -?"
"N-no!" I said fast, hands instinctively going up as though I was to physically capture his offering should he retract it. "I...that would comfort me." I chewed my lip, noting his apparent disappointment to my agreement. His displeasure comforted me too, strangely enough, as it made me believe him to genuine. "That is greatly considerate of you." I continued nervously, hoping to express my gratitude while not laying on my praise too thickly. I did not want him to think I aspired to change him, I knew such an idea was impossible and foolish.
"You had better make it worth my while." He said dismissively, stepping to me once more. "May I now touch you or will you only jump backward again? Be cautious, another great leap and you'll swim among the toads..." I nodded hesitantly, almost marveling at the obvious relief that broke out across the assassin's features once his hand tangled in my hair. "Ah there, now I too am comforted and contented." I carefully leaned into the assassin's familiar touch, hating myself for finding relief in the hands of a murderer. I closed my eyes, taking a much-needed leave from Nirn as Lucien drew me into him. "So...what did that pig Adamus say about my hair?"
I found it curious that Lachance knew the Commander by his first name, as he had introduced himself to me only by his last. With a sigh, I resigned myself to the mystery, it would be better if I remained ignorant, I was certain. There was too much on my mind already. "My hair."
"What's yours is mine, and vice versa." He corrected, leading the way out from our hiding place. "Now, what was said?"
I only sighed, thankful for the distraction. I was still so very repulsed with myself, with him, with my predicament in its absolute wretchedness...but what could I do? I was afraid to again go over my very limited and bleak options. I would seek repression and cling to Lachance, the murderer and my companion. "It was an innocent comment. He compared it to a rose."
Lucien's hand fell to my hip, his stride ever confident and purposeful. "He should keep his 'innocent' comments to himself. You are my rose... Lucien Lachance's Rose." He mused aloud, sounding both humorous and intrigued as he continued. "My Rose of Darkness...Light? No. The Brotherhood's Rose? Hmm, not quite. Ah, I have it now. You, my dear, are The Rose of Sithis." He grinned proudly, truly pleased with his nonsense. "It certainly has a ring, does it not?"
xxxx
The assassin and I eventually reached the Leyawiin Mages Guild. Still feeling very wrong and anxious, I remained close to Lucien Lachance. He was a terror to all and now I aimed to watch him carefully. I knew not what to do with myself, but as long as he and I were together, I would do my best to hover; to be a constant presence and block, anything to make him refrain from acting on his 'natural' impulses.
Knowing exactly what I was doing, Lachance smiled and leaned down to whisper in my ear as we stepped into the guild. "You need not be so on edge. We are in broad daylight, I can hardly get away with murder in present company and circumstance." I fought back a glare and followed on mutely as Lucien led the way through the guild, looking almost as though he were at home. As we rounded a corner into a small chamber with a desk and arcane artifacts, looking akin to an enchanter's shop or study, we were greeted by the back of a Dunmer. Lucien smirked down at me before removing a dagger from his belt and gently began tapping the wood of the elf's desk with its handle.
The woman stiffened instantly, as though struck with a most unpleasant sensation before carefully turning around to face us. With a scroll in a deathlike grip, the copper-haired elf eyed us both with apparent confusion and hesitance. "Lucien?" Lachance only grinned before leaning against the counter, causing the mer to quickly retract some. Going by her reaction, I was not in the least surprised that she knew him by name. "I...what are you doing here? I paid in full...in advance. I believed that should have been more than satisfactory."
"Whatever happened to a simple 'hello'?" Lachance said while looking positively sly, thankfully sheathing his dagger. The woman instantly soured some, causing the assassin to chuckle. "Your payment was well received, Alves. I am here on other business. I have a favor to ask."
"I'm really not interested." She quipped, looking at me briefly before hiding once more in her scroll. "And as you can see, I am very busy. Positively swamped. I couldn't help even if I wanted to -" Before the mer could finish, Lucien abruptly snatched the parchment from her hands, giving the scroll a quick scan before fixing her with a knowing little smirk.
"Indeed, so very busy. This is an exceedingly stimulating list. Bread, milk, eggs...commit all to memory! Your Archmage could school you on it." The assassin tossed the scroll back onto the counter before us. The Dunmer only glared, her cheeks turning a blotchy shade of purple. "Can we be adults now? Won't you hear me?"
"Do I have a choice?" She grunted, retrieving the parchment and folding it neatly. "Exactly what is it that you want this time, Lucien?" She crossed her arms and glanced at me. "It surely cannot be what I fear it is, as it seems you are toting around your newest victim. If you are aiming to make me jealous, you are failing miserably. I only pity her. I want no part. I learned my lesson...it seems she has yet to learn it as well."
I watched the two, only feeling mildly disturbed as the assassin drew me in close once more. "Jealousy is hardly my motive, Alves. A thousand apologies for my last visit. Always expect the unexpected and embrace the repercussion of such a proposal. And to further ease you, I am not here to reminisce nor relive our dealings. Our transaction for your lateness is complete. I shall have you know that I am a virtuous man now and very much off of every market. Deplorable for all female kind, I know. This here is my Abigale, my dearly intended, and I am here on her behalf." The Dunmer's brows vanished quickly into her bangs as she eyed me like a madwoman. The look was a touch skeptical but mostly purely mortified. I toyed nervously with the lacing on my dress, her stare causing me to flush. Unsure of what to do, say or think, I firmly vowed silence.
"You agreed to...to Lucien?" She looked positively bewildered, which made the assassin laugh bitterly. I chewed my lip and gave a little nod. Regrettably, I was unsure if we were truly acting anymore. We were not formally betrothed, thank the Nine, but I did indeed agree to Lucien..."I will help you, Abigale but... but I fear you need far more help than what I could offer since you agreed to marry him. Perhaps the temple would be better help for you. Or a visit to Sheogorath's shrine. It's not a very long walk..."
"Now, let's not be cruel," Lucien interjected fast, his fingers drumming along my shoulders. "We need Soul Gems. I need Soul Gems. You are undoubtedly the most reliable when it comes overstock. So...Procure them. Five Grand and all empty."
The mer sighed and dragged her hand down her face, looking positively weary. "They are not free."
Lucien nodded before removing a purse of gold from his belt. With seeming disinterest, the assassin weighed the bag in his hand, speaking to its fabric. "Unlike some, I understand all things have a price to be paid. And should one be late, short or wish to offer something else in trade...?"
"F-fine! They are in the back chest." The Dunmer hastily sputtered as she fished in her pockets, eventually procuring a large key. She pushed it along the counter to Lucien, looking very much angry. "Take what is needed. I don't want to know any more than what I already do. My involvement ends once payment is made, alright?"
"Splendid." The assassin took the key and dropped his purse, which the woman was quick to grab and clutch tightly to her chest. "It is all there, I trust. We wouldn't want you to be short a few septims again, now would we?" Lucien instructed me to wait by the counter while he stalked off into the back, spinning the key around his finger as he vanished into the guild. I nervously glanced at the Dunmer who was eyeing me again with level amounts of unease.
"You truly agreed to marry Lachance?" She suddenly inquired in a very hushed tone. I gave a small, uncertain nod, lip again between my teeth. She lowered her voice further and beckoned me closer to her counter. "No! You are very beautiful, you could do much better than he! I stupidly fell for him as well. The man is a looker but trust me, that is as far as his charm goes! I understand that he is your intended but...Gods, you must be an ordered bride from Highrock. Do you have any idea what that man is? What he does?" Again, I nodded. I knew all too well. This caused her to blink, her nose scrunching some. "Then what can I say? Goodluck?" She shook her head disbelievingly. "There is this painful innocence about your eyes and I greatly pity you for it...You've not yet slept with him, I'm guessing?" It was my turn to shake my head, now ashamedly intrigued by her change in tone and determined gaze. "Do yourself a favor and sleep with him before the 'I do's'. You need a certain tolerance for what he likes. I greatly lack it. He was a mistake that...well, let us just say some scars never fade. Don't turn your back to him."
Lucien returned, bag in hand, his footsteps purposely noisy as he made his presence known, causing the Dunmer and I to jump in unison. "Thank you again, Alves." He said quite merrily, quickly returning to my side once more. "You just provided me a great service. The Brotherhood expresses its gratitude."
"Marvelous." The Dunmer grunted, accepting her key and eyeing it as though Lachance's touch sullied the metal. "Is there any chance this gratitude could grant me a new collector? Perhaps a female one?" Lucien nodded, his free hand playing with my hair ribbon, his attention suddenly gone from the conversation. The woman cringed at his great interest in myself and threw me another terribly irked glance. "I pity you."
xxxx
We exited the Mages Guild and I was still rendered silent and speechless. Regardless of the mer's warning, I could do little about my predicament. Although I was curious as to the assassin's previous relations, I would not inquire about her. From her mouth, I heard enough and was not ready to hear more. However, I was certainly struck with an idea to help further curb Lucien's behaviors. There was a distinct pattern, I had realized. I denied him, he sought ways to ease his 'tension'. I wondered if such energy could be released via other means...
"You...you know her well, then?" I eventually ventured, attempting to start a very odd conversation without learning any more than I already did.
"She has sought out the Brotherhood for aid in the past and at the time had no gold to offer, so she gave her services as an alchemist. We do business now and again." He turned to fix me with a grin. "She liked me once, you know. I went to exact a due debt of septims and she offered other methods of payment. I accepted. Apparently, she had quite the fantasy that I did not live up to. She seemed to forget that all was pure extortion on both parts. She had the gold, I knew she did but she insisted otherwise. I was claiming a debt, and not there to 'make love' on her terms." The assassin snorted. "Never offer flesh in trade. It will not lead to romance."
I sighed upon hearing the information I had hoped to avoid. The assassin regrettably continued. "I used her, as it was quite a bit of gold that was owed. And although it happened only once, she has loathed the air I breathe ever since." Lucien laughed, the sound causing me to shrink away from him slightly. "You praise my honesty, do you not? I am only trying to do good by you...and perhaps make you the smallest bit jealous?" He failed very much so. In contrast, I felt more of my desire for him fade from the pure dread on the Dunmer's face..."Do not be afraid, I would not treat you so-"
"I am jealous," I said abruptly, effectively stopping his words. It was a great lie, on my part. However, I was in no mood to play with Lucien Lachance, and I had a proposal for him that I needed to somehow work into the conversation. "I...I do not want to hear about women that you care for."
"Hmm, I do not recall saying that I cared for her. I do not." He tried to clarify, hoping to ease my 'jealousy'. I allowed him, praying to appear genuinely intrigued by his words. I was in no way a good actress, I could not pretend as well as Lucien, so I did my best to keep my head down and avoid meeting his gaze.
"So you can distance emotion from...sex?" I inquired, trying to sound both intrigued and puzzled. Lucien made a small, contemplative sound, slowing his stride ever so slightly.
"Is that a serious question? Of course I can, Little Countess, and with extreme ease."
"That is...remarkable." I tried softly, again hoping to appear true and interested. I decided that I was not clever enough to wait to broach the topic. Unsure of how to maneuver tactfully, I proceeded with mindful hesitance, trying to seem thoughtful. "Such a trait is...is certainly helpful for one such as you, I imagine." I allowed myself to lean into him further as we walked, hoping to fully have his attention. "Keeping your emotional distance to women must surely come in handy. Bedding releases your tension, yes?"
"Does it not usually for everyone?" He countered with a laugh, encouraging me to continue, perhaps a bit too recklessly.
"Then...then is that not a better outlet than murder?" I whispered, pulling on him slightly to slow him more before we entered the greater populated streets. "You need not stop your sexual pursuits for me. At night, I-I very much lack the courage to...to sleep with you still. You do not owe me your loyalty, we are not...we are not that way. At least, I do not think so." Lucien stopped us altogether, his brow steadily furrowing as I nervously babbled, trying desperately to not lose courage. "Can you not be with other women in my stead? Just do as you would normally. Pretend that I am not awaiting your return in a tent or inn. There are better means to -"
"We have not yet slept together and you are already trying to force me to be with others?" Lachance interrupted, his black eyes narrowed. I swallowed hard at his tone. He more tasted the words than spoke them. "Well, now...This is an unexpected turn of events. So much for your jealousy or any type of emotional attachment to me." He glared some more, and I steadily began to realize that my proposal truly angered him. This struck me as astoundingly odd and left me to wonder, fearfully, how much the assassin 'cared' for me. "I must admit, I am surprised and unusually angry. I would mind my words if I were you. Choose your next response with utmost caution."
"I thought it was a considerate proposal for your desires," I said fast, abandoning any and all attempts at appearing genuine. It did not work in the least. I was a terrible actress.
"You thought it was a good way to further distance yourself and to ease your wrongfully guilty conscience." Lucien countered fast, looking astoundingly provoked. He was right, and that cornered me, truly. "Your ridiculous compassion for Nirn's inhabitants is a most offensive feature. They are very much beneath you. Why show such sympathy to those who would harm you if given the chance?"
I pulled away from the assassin, afraid, angry and stuck with him. I knew my choices were poor and limited. If I was to be with Lucien Lachance, I decided to take my chances with his danger. From where I stood, even with a furious murderer presently burning a hole into me with his gaze, I knew myself to be 'safer' with the killer, rather than with the man who swore his affection. Truthfully, I was greatly disturbed that Lachance rejected my idea. From where I stood, with my personal agenda, it had been wise. However, I did not counter in the assassin's feelings. I assumed such sentiments were purely myth with him. "Why? I do not know. Perhaps because if I did not show sympathy to those who would hurt me, I would run out of people on Nirn to speak to." I looked pointedly at the still fuming assassin. "You threatened me moments ago. Should I not care for you?"
"Do not pretend that you do, my dear. Your actions are rather loud."
I shook my head at his venomous tone, thinking his 'hurt' to be positively ridiculous. "Well, pardon my hesitance. Today was a touch difficult for me." I stepped away from the assassin, keenly aware of my amulets absence and lack of protection...and lack of oath. I should have cowered but I did not. Instead, I straightened and forced my bravery. Earlier in the day, Lucien's lack of anger helped me decide to remain with him. Now that he was finally showing his temper - and over something so very odd - I found myself questioning my new 'freedom'. If I did not return to the Count, or stay with the assassin, I knew my chances for survival were terribly slim. The idea of being a beggar on the streets once more filled my heart with sorrow but if needed be, I would. "...Perhaps today was too difficult. I do not think I can swallow what you do. We are not 'bonded'. You need not be burdened by me any longer. Our oath is gone. You may continue on and do whatever it is that you like and leave me behind."
Lucien's head inclined to the side, his lips drawn into a thin line and eyes now curious. For a moment he only stared, black irises sweeping from my head to my toes. "...No."
"...No?"
"No." He said again, much more firmly. "Perhaps you do not understand our situation. Perhaps I am too hasty with my expectations. Regardless, the conversation is done. I was wrong and forceful - defensive. You were also wrong and defensive. Today has been poor and we are now clumsily executing it further. Let us not continue to exacerbate all. This argument is over. We need not end what has barely begun." I was left dumb by his approach. The violent assassin speedily surprised me with his reasoning. He waved away his anger with the most casual of tones. "It was inappropriate on my part. I should not try to elicit the emotions I crave after. Not now, as you have dealt with much this morning. They will come naturally. As I said earlier, all it takes is a little time."
I watched him curiously, finding it remarkable how his anger melted away with his own words. I never imagined he could so easily self-soothe. It was very surprising. "I...appreciate your lack of...I-I appreciate your understanding?" I eyed him nervously, feeling the built-up anger should not have been so tenderly released. "B-but that does not change my distaste for your profession."
"I did not expect it to." He said easily, folding his arms across his chest, looking light and charming once more. "But we made an agreement today and I swore to behave myself more, just for you. The least you could do is humor me with a little trial. What harm could come to you from giving me a chance?" He quirked his brow, lips pulling into his familiar little smirk. "And I believe I also told you that I would be more inclined to hunt, should you leave me. You pacify me so..."
"That is unfair." I glared, watching the assassin's smirk turn into a full grin. "You would really bully me into being with you?"
"It is not bullying, I am merely keeping you informed. You are such a humanist, after all. I think it only fair to let you know what I am thinking." He reached a hand out to me, looking smug, handsome and positively sly. "If you stay, I will kill. If you go, I will kill more...for a time, while I grieve. Simple facts, my dear lady." I considered him for a moment before accepting his pitiful offering. In the very least, he was honest. And now I had witnessed his anger and it was not purely terrifying. He collected himself fast and sought logic of the situation. I felt I needed that. "I can wholly admit my blame in this argument. Accept me for who I am with all my faults?" He continued to grin, ever crafty with his words. It was despicable and no amount of mental rationalization would console me, but I went to him again.
Not knowing what to say but feeling very repulsed with myself and him, I turned my head and spoke through my anger, spouting nonsense. "I suppose I am lucky that you are attractive. Or perhaps it is a curse. I no longer know." The assassin laughed loudly before ruffling my hair once I returned to his hold. It was grim, but I no longer knew what to do. For myself, for self-preservation, my best option was Lachance. In the very least, he seemed to want me around and was willing to accommodate me some. My guilt knew no bounds but I could do nothing but walk alongside him. I was weak and very much useless in every sense of the word.
"You have made me a happy man. How can I repay you for your acceptance?" Lucien said happily, continuing to toy with my hair. His hands moved to my locks like a magnet. If his body was not a deadly weapon, I may have enjoyed the feeling.
"Stop murdering innocence?" I countered in a mumble, hugging myself in spite of his grip.
"Seems a touch extreme, my dear." Lucien said with true sincerity, causing me to inwardly groan with frustration. He was indeed a hypocrite and I found the pure irony of all astounding. "You hurt my delicate sensibilities with your cold disregard. I would not reach too high if I was you. I thought a good lunch and another night in our luxurious inn more befitting." I gave a pitiful nod, feeling lowly. I knew all I was doing was wrong but I did not know how to do right. I leaned more into Lucien Lachance, deciding to suppress all and hate myself again later. As we began to walk, the assassin trailed his fingertips over my hip, as though trying to commit the curve to memory. I pouted and glanced down to watch his hand. When he again spoke, it was in a thoughtful murmur. "I shall make you care for me yet."
I sighed and shook my head. "I do not fully understand why but I do like you, unfortunately. Even with all of your absolutely atrocious behaviors. I know I am a terrible person for it." I frowned at my own thoughts and quickly shook them away, trying to focus on other more trivial matters. "But how much do you want me to care for you, exactly?"
"Truthfully?" Lachance inquired as he again smiled down at me. "I want the breath to leave your lungs in a delightful little gasp once you see me."
I quirked my brow, allowing myself to be bitter. "Do you not get enough of that from your victims?"
The assassin barked out a laugh, the sound making me jump then pout. He pulled me even nearer. "And that, my Little Countess, is one of the many reasons why I like you so."
XXXX
Night eventually fell. Lucien Lachance sat at the table in their inn room and twirled a dagger in his hand. He stared at the girl who stood in the adjacent sleeping area as she toweled her damp hair by the fire. His attention remained locked onto her profile as he watched the light of the flames dance along her pale skin and darkened locks. The gentle pattering sounds of water droplets striking the floor felt oddly musical. While the girl did not speak, he permitted himself to gaze, and intently at that. The day had been...strenuous. With her having an absolute fit at sunrise, then their unfortunate discovery of a bloated Argonian - his fault entirely - the nonsense that insured following the Mages Guild visit after he boyishly wanted to see her the smallest bit jealous...Oh, how that had backfired.
Lucien had thought, perhaps too presumptuously, that he and the girl were at an even level of closeness. No doubt his desire for her flesh was greater, but he had assumed that she genuinely began to enjoy him...It was humbling to find that Abigale Lynn apparently had little to no affection for him. She would rather he sleep around than have her. He could see her reasoning but still, he found it insensitive. The Speaker was no fan of rejection but for the girl, he tolerated it daily. To have her attempt to not get any closer to him was certainly jarring. Lucien found himself in a mild state of shock once she threw such a proposal at him. Shock instantly turned into embarrassment and embarrassment to anger. They flashed their tempers, she threatened to leave. Lachance had quickly ended the conversation, finding it disturbing how easily she spoke of parting, and how difficult it was for him to grasp the thought of a bed without her in it...
Abigale Lynn glanced across the room to the Cheydinhal Speaker, offering a small and very forced smile. Even though entirely false, he found the awkward little tilt of her full, pink lips to be soothing. It almost drew him to her, but he knew better than to attempt any sort of seduction. The girl was confused, frightened and angry. He knew very much that any sort of pursual would be shot down and frowned upon, which was a great shame. After having tasted what her sex would be like - quite literally - he very much longed to have the girl. He was almost ashamedly aroused by the simplest things she did. A smile, watching her comb out her hair, pulling socks onto her feet, the feel of her hands running over his arm as they walked...
There was something wrong here.
Lachance partly realized how very far he leaned just to watch Abigale Lynn fuss with the covers on the bed, preemptively tossing the pillows out for him. He felt much like a fool as he nearly fell out of his chair, immeasurably thankful that the girl's back was turned. There was something wrong, indeed. They had been together for a little over three weeks now, yet he felt he knew her longer. It was certainly odd. Lucien knew he liked the girl very much, cared for her, even. However, he fearfully began to notice how very far his 'caring' went. Ideas of her and him that he conjured were not always carnal. Some were simple concepts, some oddly soothing imagined moments, others more adventurous and hopeful. He wanted to do things with her that did not involve a bed - not that it would be an unwelcome additive. These thoughts were not entirely new, as he had often fantasized their travel and utter openness, but having her almost take all from him made him unsettled. He wondered then, anxiously, what would he do if she did try to leave?
Not daring to entertain the idea, Lucien Lachance decided to make it so she would not consider it again. It was that simple. More time was needed to ease her into acceptance, and he could wait. She would be worth the wait. She had already proven so.
Abigale Lynn blew out several candles before peeking around the door at him expectantly. He offered a smile before standing, hoping to mask his thoughts as he did so. He had made a bitter promise to mind himself better, and having been embarrassingly caught by his dead Argonian at dawn, he found it a suitable punishment. Carelessness did not become him and he would not be so foolish again. Hardly an impressive death. Not even the pig, Phillida expected the Brotherhood. It was astonishingly sloppy and an insult to his good name...he blamed the Absinthe.
The girl visibly gulped as he entered the small area and closed the doors behind him. She stood by the bed, feigning bravery and watched him with tangible apprehension. Since the loss of her amulet, she had lost some of her fire along with it. He did miss her small temper and knew it would return in time once she again felt comfortable and safe around him. Her fear of violence was foolish. Of all his limbs, features, tools and appendages, his blade was the only thing he did not want to stick her with...
"I want to be clear," She began, keeping her head turned up to him as he began to strip down. "Last night...this morning...I-I think it would be best if we did not proceed any further for now."
Lucien sighed but nodded all the same. "Already predicted that, Little Countess. But how long are we waiting, exactly?" He teased, hoping to get her to loosen some.
"I do not know." She answered fast before slipping into bed and moving close to the far wall. "If you really need to sate yourself, my offer still stands. This does not mean that I do not care for you, I am simply trying to care for myself as well." Lachance watched her smooth the covers over her lap as he sat down beside her, thankful that she did not physically flinch away. Was he a sexual deviant? Of course! He took great pride in his conquest and interesting methods. But it occurred to him then that all the girl knew was his deviance. It was all the information he shared. Nerah Vlando had been right, for once, as the girl was still rather virginal...a small part of Abigale Lynn enjoyed his absolute unabashed desires, but he decided to try other truths to helps secure her.
"I am very capable of controlling myself." He answered easily as he reclined, arm resting behind his head. "This may come as a bit of a shock, but I was in a monogamous relationship for seven years." Just as he had hoped, she looked over, intrigued and surprised.
"Really? What was that like for you?"
Lachance smiled at her eagerness, enjoying how she turned and propped herself up on an elbow, cheek held in her hand. If going over past relationships brought her closer, he would mindfully relive them for her. "Satisfactory. I liked her very much. We had to end it though, unfortunately." He concluded with a nod, deciding to 'pick' the information deemed pleasing. Proper wording was key...
"May I ask why?" Abigale Lynn inquired, her pretty lips pulled into a pout as she stared. He consciously avoided looking at them and focused on the words that she spoke, not the warm mouth she spoke them with. "Did she...find out that you were Brotherhood?"
Lucien shook his head, speaking full truth. "No, she did not find out. I did not keep my murdering a secret though, either. She believed me to be a mercenary. Worked beautifully for a time." The assassin sighed at the memory. She had been pretty, tanned, a tad plump and blessedly openminded...too much so, evidently. "Seven years had a way of sneaking up on her, I'm afraid. She found out she wanted different things." And men...and women, he thought with a wry little smile. It had been quite the find after his trip to Skyrim. Coming home to that information was...upsetting. He sighed at the memory and fought a greater smirk. "I let her go." Straight to the void.
"Oh," Abigale Lynn's pout deepened. With secret glee, he noted that she pitied him. Her jealousy may elude him but pity was something, at least. "I am sorry to hear it. Seven years is a long time. It must have been painful for you."
This time, he bit back laughter at the cruel irony. "Indeed," Considerably painful. Brought my dagger down too hard. Shattered my wrist on her clavicle. Took a full fifteen minutes to heal. Still pops when I turn it... "I managed. We heal fairly fast in our youth."
"I...I am sorry to say that I am greatly surprised that you could remain loyal to someone for so long."
"As long as one's needs are met, it is not very difficult. I find loyalty an admirable trait of mine, and one of the few I can truly call 'admirable'." Lucien pulled the girl into his embrace, thoroughly pleased as she permitted the action without the slightest fuss. "You surprise me too. I never thought you would consider open relations. It is baffling...and I find it a touch insulting if I am honest." The girl tentatively ran her hand along his skin, nervously pulling her lip between her teeth.
"I am only hoping to be realistic and safe. I am not exactly in a position to argue with you now..." She glanced up at him, green eyes full of fright before she looked away and collected herself. "I confess, I miss the amulet. May I...have another? Or perhaps something -"
"No." Lucien cut her off, fingers in her hair. "I enjoy this access to you now. And your vulnerability serves me well. You will find my kindness to be boundless. I do hope that I have fallen short of your vile expectations when regarding your very seductive self. If I wished to do you harm, would I not have done so already?" Lucien paused to smile and eyed their bed meaningfully. "Would this not be the ideal place to do so? Whatever my dark desires toward you were?"
As though Abigale Lynn saw a ghost, she paled and pulled away from Lachance's embrace, sitting up in bed, her body utterly rigid. Her expression was stony but her eyes were full of terror and suspicion. She only stared for a time, looking to be on the verge of bolting from the room. "I have heard this before."
Lucien Lachance groaned audibly before sitting up with her. "Your past-life vampire?" The assassin inquired without truly needing to do so. Abigale Lynn's expression answered him. Lucien could only scoff. "That man is mentally unstable. He would surely crumble from an ingrown toenail. Worry not. He is no longer holding you prisoner."
"He is not...please don't say such things. B-but I do still worry...and now I also worry that I am more 'mentally unstable' than you think him to be. Look at me now. With you...a killer. Will you not kill me? He was a vampire and did great harm. You are a murderer. I can only imagine what you would do..."
The assassin sighed deeply, causing several hairs to dance above his forehead. "If I longed to kill you, you would be dead. You and I both know that I do not want to. This fear is for him, not me." Abigale Lynn looked very much unconvinced. "Will you really make me purchase you another ridiculous amulet and go through all that effort to sanction the damnable thing to appease your pointless terrors?"
"...Would you?"
Lachance clenched his jaw before shaking off his irritation. He would, if it made her happy and comfortable, and that in itself was absurd. "Fine. It will be done." He purposely patted the mattress, singling her to lie with him once more, muttering annoyedly under his breath as he did so. "Ridiculous." The very deadly assassin was not looking forward to staying another day in Leyawiin, shopping, and now performing a ritual over a piece of jewelry that served no purpose other that ease the tender soul of the exceedingly paranoid girl.
She joined him and they remained quiet for a time. Lucien, still inwardly fuming slightly, was rather surprised when Abigale Lynn spoke to him again. "...You really would?"
"Yes." He grunted, feeling that the entire day was unnecessarily tedious. Lucien was very ready for tomorrow, regardless of having to again go in and out of countless stores. He still very much loathed shopping. "We will purchase a new amulet and the necessary items for its blessing in the morning. Pleased?"
Abigale Lynn inched closer, her hand falling to his chest. Lachance only quirked his brow, still mildly irritated but more intrigued as she sat up some to watch him carefully. Before Lucien could respond, she nodded and spoke softly. "Very...But now I no longer want it." She continued to stare, looking confused as she searched him. "I think it is only fair to Nirn that I give you a...a serious chance." Even in the darkness of their little sleeping area, the assassin watched her blush slightly. She shook it off and placed some hair behind her ear. "If they are not protected from you, why should I be?"
"Your way of thinking is odd, indeed. Although I do appreciate your decision, you owe Nirn nothing, if you are more comfortable -"
"Do not make me regret it, please." She interrupted, inching closer. "You say we are bonded. I do not know what that entails. Won't you tell me?"
"You already know what it means," Lucien muttered, hands reaching up to her shoulders. The assassin watched her eyes roam him, both heated and frightened, tempted and repulsed. He decided then that if he proceeded, he could have her. She was confused and vulnerable, in need of comfort and utterly desperate for validation and contact. She wanted to know her decision was right and that she was safe with him. Lachance was captivated and also greatly tempted. He desired her... However, taking her now would taint their already precarious relations. She certainly was not ready mentally. It was a taxing decision, but he would not encourage her tonight. The assassin inhaled deeply and pulled her onto him, hoping to render her immobile as to not stir him further. "Today has been long. Let us end it now."
Abigale Lynn nodded. Lucien already regretted his inaction. Finding a bitter humor in all that transpired, he echoed her words from earlier in the day. "I suppose I am lucky that you are attractive. Or perhaps it is a curse. I no longer know." She laughed. It was acceptable.
Author's Notes: SO this chapter was 13,900+ words long... YEAH. Got bit by the writing bug and put some of the next chapter into this one. Cool, right?! Just a heads up, because of the length, the next installment might be pushed back a day. We'll see! R&R!