Hi everyone...
I think I owe you all an apology. I am so sorry for not posting this sooner. Stupid, I know, I must have forgotten or something. I haven't a clue what happened. But! I am back in full force with Holly as my sidekick and together we will defeat all evil fangirls!
Ahem...yeah. Lol, I hope you all like it!
-White Scribe
Five ways of knowing you're a fangirl: 1. You read his books, but when asked about the plot you look blank. 2. You now want blue contacts 3. You like guys with black hair. 4. You still don't realize I'm insulting you. 5. I am laughing at you right now and you 'still' don't realize...
Guns vs. Glam
Perhaps when you grow older and when you decide that the whole world is stupid and deserves to explode then you've probably faced the very strange thing called fangirls. Fangirls are, btw, in no dictionary. We believe that the authorities wish us all to be blind to the monsters that have begun to sprout up like weeds in our population. We however, have been studying the ways of fangirls and have decided that it's as if there was a mutation in their genes sleeping, laying dormant in their bloodstream only awakened by things such as they consider 'hot'.
As a result the most likely subjects for this mutation that has swept the nation are girls who range in age but have low IQ and maturity levels.
They are dangerous foes and must be dealt with carefully, with as much caution as possible, you never know when a bomb of perfume will render you senseless in their pressence...
Thus, warns us one of the greatest hunters of Fangirls.
Holly, LEPrecon Unit Captain.
"I would dearly love to believe that you had nothing to do with this, mud boy." Holly grumbled into her speaker, landing on the fence of the Fowl Estate wtih some difficulty. The air drafts in that place were horrible for flying... at least at that present moment when she was distracted by the sound of utter panic in Artemis' voice. That was something she wasn't used to hearing. She was more likely to accept anger and irritation or arrogance from the mud boy.
"You don't understand." Artemis replied irritably, which made her feel better. "I had nothing to do with it this time. The system went down, I believe it was them that did it in the first place. As a result there was a girl here-"
"Wait half a second." Holly interuptted, walking as though a shimmering heat wave towards their doorway. "You're telling me that you want to mind wipe a girl? Please tell me that she saw something to do with the LEP or Haven and that's the reason why you want me to mindwipe her, because if you went and broke her heart and simply dont want to deal with things-"
"Holly." Artemis snapped, making her blink bemusedly, hearing something like the old Fowl on the other end of the airwave. "This girl is different, I had nothing to do with it, and she may very well be a danger to me. It's nothing to do with Haven or your people. I need your help is all."
Holly smirked and pressed the doorbell. "Open the door then."
The connection severed and the door opened by will of Butler, who blinked at the shimmering air in front of him. "Oh. Well, come on in." he said to the air, stepping out of the way. Holy stepped in and as soon as the door closed she dropped her shield, giving a sigh.
"Hello Butler."she smiled, pulling her helmet off. "How're you?"
"I've had a few sleepless nights." Butler admitted, pinching the bags under his eyes. "But otherwise I'm as good as usual. How about you,Captain?"
"No offense, but I would preffer not to be here." Holly muttered, looking around at the sound of hurried steps and something that sounded vaguely like bickering.
"But Artemis, you can't be serious. You're thinking of letting her go?" Juliet called, sprinting after him down the hall as he headed towards the foyer where Holly and Butler were saying their hello's.
"I'm not going to kill her in cold blood. I'll gladly have you do it, however." Artemis retorted over his shoulder, smoothing this shirt idly as he came to a stop in front of the Captain Short, who was eyeing the two with a teasing smile.
"You pity her that much?" Juliet cried, and then deciding she was desperate enough she turned to Butler. "Come on, gimme a gun and I'll get rid of her."
"For crying out loud." Holly put in suddenly. "What in the Gods name crawled out of your nightmares, Juliet?"
Juliet was so distressed it didn't occur to ask her what she was doing there but instead jumped on the opportunity to rant. "She might as well have, Holly! You totally have to meet her. She's horrible!" Grabbing the Captain's arm she began to drag her down the hall. "You'll blast her to cinders as soon as you realize the disgusting-ness of her!"
Holly allowed her to drag idly, eyeing Artemis with critical eyes. "I hope you didn't go and mutate something, Mud Boy."
Artemis followed, hands behind his back cocking eyebrow slightly. "If only."
"She's some weird idiot." Juliet muttered. "Called me ugly and fat and I don't know what else."
Holly turned her attention back to the rampaging girl dragging her down the hall. "Now really, a rival? Please tell me this isn't some childish argument between two girls."
"She's not a girl! She's a monster!" Juliet shouted.
"Mud People." Holly muttered, eyeing the darkness of the halls she was being dragged through. The images of the Fowls of many generations before glared down at her from the walls, and she smirked, recalling a time when she had wanted to blast them to cinders.
Her fingers twitched as they ached to flick her trigger.
They stopped a door, Artemis slowing considerably so that he stopped further from it than all of them.
"She's in there." Juliet sniffed, letting go of Holly and stepping back.
The LEP officer eyed the door thoughtfully, cocking her head at it before pulling off her helmet and shaking out her short hair.
"Mm." she mused, smirking. The door was made of metal, heavy metal, the hinges looked like iron, with what she presumed was bullet proof glass on the miniature squarewindow that looked into the dimly lit room which she could see was white.
"Do most Mud Men have high security prisons in their household, Artemis?" she enquired with a cocky lift of her brows.
Artemis crossed his arms in front of him, lips pressed tightly into a thin line. "They would after seeing this."
Sighing Holly shifted, slipping her wings off of her back. "Could you hold them, Butler?" she muttered, lifting them for the mountain of a man to take. Which he did.
Quietly she moved forward and standing on her tip toes peeked into the room, blinking rapidly.
It seemed like a relatively plain room, a lot like the interogation areas that she had seen in movies that Foaly watched of Mud Men.
"Look, Artemis. I can't go in there if there's a girl, showing myself to one so bluntly-"
"Fine, put her to sleep and then mind wipe her." Artemis snapped, irritated with her hesitation. Holly finally turned to look at him, frowning slightly with more curiousity and less amusement.
"What did she do?"
An exchange of looks occured, all three living within the house glanced at one another with a knowing expression that showed how ominous the whole situation seemed.
"...go in." Juliet suddenly whispered, as if shamed at her own dare. Holly blinked at her slightly and sighed, removing her helmet with a look on her face that was very much like the kind Julius gave her when she was being an idiot.
"Look, guys... I'm sure she's no worse than any other mud men out-"
"No." Artemis stated, arms crossed, one hand supporting his chin, blue eyes focused on the doorway with a look of obvious thought, deeply pensive.
"Please, Holly."
Startled the captain stared at him, blinking repeatedly in her surprise. "All right then." she finally succumed. "I'll go in- I haven't agreed to any mindwiping and or blasting."
Juliet sulked.
Sighing again, Holly nodded towards the door. "Butler, you want to do me a favour?"
Nodding the manservant moved forward... after hesitating. This made Holly's stomach do an odd backflip she was sure it had never done before.
How often to man mountains hesitate?
With a mechanical whirr and a soft hiss of air the airtight cell door slid open. (it had been updated under orders of the paranoid Master Artemis) and Holly stepped into the bright room, knowing quite well that she would get yelled at upon returning to LEP HQ.
But this, she had to see.
As the door closed the three humans outside swallowed simultaneously, clenching their fists and looking grave.
"You think she'll be okay?" Juliet whispered, eyes focused on the door.
Butler fidgeted, something that was very uncharacteristic. "I hope so."
Artemis looked stonily at the door. "I'm going to have to call severe back up if not."
He was thinking something like all of Julius Root's available squads...and a nuclear bomb.
Inside the room Holly wrinkled her nose, eyeing the empty chamber with distaste. For all the cleverness of the boy he could never come up with a good holding cell, though she had to admit this one was a little more advanced than her cell had been.
The walls were padded... like insane asylum walls, and the table and chairs were made of what looked to be bendable plastic, no harm there, aside from a goose egg and a bruise... and maybe a headache those things wouldn't be much of a weapon in the hands of a young mud girl.
Slowly she loosened her grip on her neutrino, blinking at herself and almost smirking at her own paranoia, amused by Artemis' childish fear.
This of course, didn't last long.
The room seemed empty, she couldn't see anyone as far as she was aware. Surprised, the captain lowered her helmet to the floor and scanned the room again, frowning until the buzzing feeling at the back of her neck made her freeze.
Slowly she turned, focusing her eyes on the corner left to the door, where a girl wearing some of the most revealing mud men articles of clothing she had ever seen crouched.
And what looked like purple brings on her shoes- wait... were those 'part' of her shoes? Dear Gods...
"...who. are. you?" Kitty whispered, there was an obvious tinge of danger in her small soprano voice, multiplied by the runny make up over her face and the greasy look to what must have been styled hair.
Holly stared, revolted by the creature. She looked worse than anything she had ever seen before- including trolls, they at least knew they couldn't attempt to look good.
This was just sad.
"...I..." Holly began, then stopped as the girl began to unravel her arms from around her knees, pulling herself to her feet slowly, squinting at her as though disecting an insect.
"You look foreign- and you're really short." she squinted more.
"You're not pretty at all."
Holly twitched. "I beg your pardon?" she snapped, her Gnomish accent all the more harsh because of her irriation.
"Where are you from? What are you doing here?" Kitty continued, hissing out each question. Holly's eyes narrowed. This human was truly unstable, it was in every vibration of the girl's body.
"You're not very polite-" Holly began but was quickly cut off.
"How do you know my Arty?" Kitty shrieked, stamping her high heeled foot and very nearly breaking her ankle in the process.
Holly twitched again, taking a hesitant step back.
"...'Your' Arty..." a laugh began to form at the base of her throat. Something of her soldier mind said it was probably for her benefit to control it and maintain quiet, but for some reason it was too hard to contain.
Laughter exploded out of her mouth and she was doubled over, giggling about the idea that Artemis Fowl feared, of all things, fangirls.
The laughter continued and Kitty watched, a pout so hard it looked strange firmly planted on her face. "What are you laughing at? You strange unrealistic looking GIRL! You look like an imp!"
This silenced all laughter.
Holly's eyes flashed. "I look like a 'what'?" she whispered, her hand was on the neautrino again. Oh, that mud girl had not just said what she thought she'd said.
Kitty's small brain took in the information being noted by her eyes. The hard line on the other girl's forehead said something about irritation.
Had she known at least a little about reality she would have known it to be dangerous to prod any further, but love sickness was a powerful disease.
"IMP!" Kitty shouted stupidly, realizing there was a weak spot in the word. "IMP IMP IMP IMP-"
WHAM.
The blow of a magic infested fist to a human face is usually something amazing to see- and not so pleasant to expirience, as Artemis could probably confirm having expirienced it himself.
Kitty was one to follow that list. In all other circumstances she would have jumped for joy in joining a list with Artemis' name on it.
In this case, she fell on the floor with a bloody nose instead.
Holly stood panting while Kitty stared at her bloody fingers and the red trail that was flowing down her face with wide eyes.
"I'm bleeding...you hit me..."
"See mud girl, imp is not a good word to use if I'm-oomph!"
With a screech and howl Kitty flung herself at the smaller elf plowing into her with the small skinny force of a fifteen year old human, which wasn't much under most circumstances, but in surprise it was...surprising.
Gasping Holly felt the air knocked right out of her lungs and her torso being pummeled by the small inadequate fists and punches and scratches, which she was finding infuriating. The screeching too was something of pain, more so than any of the blows.
"ARTY IS MINE YOU IDIOT IMP!"
Growling the captain grabbed a handful of greasy unwashed hair and, making a mental note to wash her hands, hauled the girl over her head, earning another high pitched screech of pain and anger from the fighter.
"ARTEMIS- LET ME OUT-ooomph!" Again she tumbled over and more panicked than she'd ever admit she locked the girl's arms behind her, struggling for a moment. She was surprisingly strong.
There was no answer from the other side for a long terrifying moment and then there was a small cry.
"I told you!"
"ARTEMIS!" Holly screamed dangerously.
The door slid open and Holly bolted, moving almost as fast as Kitty but not quite. With a cry the human girl launched at the elf's legs and sent them both to the ground in a puddle of arms and legs, unfortunately for Artemis and everyone outside, halfway out the door.
"OH NO!" Juliet shouted. "SHE'LL ESCAPE!"
"Will everyone stop shouting!" Artemis shouted, already backing up hurriedly.
Holly turned over and tried to pry the girl's arms from around her legs, grunting angrily as she struggled.
"Butler! Do something!"
The man servant stood, unsure, looking wide eyed and stunned.
There's a first time for everything.
Finally realizing she was on her own Holly spun over, and instead of reaching for the girl's hands grabbed her chin instead, forcing her to look directly at her face, but the girl was squinting.
Not. Good.
Time to go to plan B.
"HEEEEEELLLLLPPPP!" Holly shouted, struggling and panicking, crawling on her stomach and drawing the girl behind her as a result.
"No!" Juliet cried. "She'll escape! Go back in!"
"Why don't you!" Holly shouted back, kicking her legs inadequately, trying to loose the leech.
"Someone do something!"
Finally, snapping out of his stupor Butler looked around, recalling the only reliable way that they had managed to deal with the girl.
With two long strides he reached for Artemis, grabbing one of the quantum physics books from his arms.
Amongst all the screaming females the bodyguard stood tall and slammed the book down on Kitty's head... lightly...sorta.
Silence. What a defeaning sound.
Whimpering Holly squirmed away from the loose arms until her back hit the opposite wall. Butler rolled the girl into her chamber with his foot and closed the door, taking a step back for good measure and Juliet collapsed onto the ground, looking pale.
"It's all hopeless."
Artemis, once more composed after the door closed, rolled his stiff shoulders and took a deep breath, waiting patiently for his brain to catch up and say something smart.
...still waiting...
...Oh dear...
Once all breaths had been caught, there was an exchange of blank looks. There was only one other person they could call... One other person that might know what to do.
Minerva.
okay, so i realize that the tme is kinda messed up, if i'm bringing minerva in- btw, to anyone who is reading this if you haven't read Artemis Fowl and the Lost colony you should probably stop reading this fic until then
anyway, i hope you enjoyed it.
It's not one of my best chappies, but i figured i might as well post it. Minerva's will be the last, and hopefully the better one.
thank you muchly for reviews!
-White Scribe