If General O'Neill tries to explain a situation using magnets, don't pay any attention. He just uses that to try to sound smart.
Threaten obnoxious people with lemons. Especially if they are allergic to them.
If a virus SG1 brought back starts slowly killing people in the SGC, don't blame them, it'll only make you look stupid when they save the day – again
The unstable vortex of energy is called the Kawoosh.
Never stand to close to the Stargate when it activates. Being caught in the Kawoosh will not help you fulfill any of your life's goals unless one of them happens to be to die.
Do not under any circumstances try to argue with Colonel Carter that playing with her doohickeys is not considered real fun. Only General O'Neill can do that without risk of death.
Only General O'Neill is qualified to judge whether or not to trust Maybourne on any specific day. And he's only right about half the time.
Do not touch Dr. Jackson's books. Only members of SG-1 can touch them. Sam goes for his artefacts.
Only Bra'tac is authorized to call General Hammond "Hammond from Texas" while touching his head. By extension, Bra'tac is the only one who can call General O'Neill "O'Neill of Minnesota.
Never let SG-1 hear the word "impossible.
Thor is the only one who can refer to any of Colonel Carter's ideas as "stupid".
At this point, Ferretti started getting floods of emails from people who claimed not to have sent them. And no one understands some of them.
Don't let Vala anywhere near anything that could be considered valuable.
Invisibility cloaks are not solely the property of Harry Potter.
Colonel Mitchell's grandmother has lots of useful advice
The Ori are bad.
If you see people with creepy blind eyes, and staffs, run.
The ancients haven't left us completely to our own devices. They just value free will, and if we feel like accidentally dooming ourselves, we can go right ahead.
Communication devices, as harmless as they sound, can be quite dangerous.
The Kawoosh is useful for some things.
Throwing bombs at stuff doesn't always help. Sometimes it can make things much worse.
Don't put two military people of the same rank, two aliens, and a civilian on the same team, and expect one person to have undisputed command.
To pass the time, exchange cooking recipes.
Colonel Mitchell doesn't get bored quite as easily as General O'Neill, but always make sure to provide him with a distraction. He seems to prefer cards to yo-yos.
Don't underestimate the power of ascended beings.
Just because mere humans can't travel between galaxies easily, doesn't mean that no one can.
Creepy eyes are just bad. Always. If eyes creep you out in any way, run away first, ask questions later.
Just because someone can perform miracles, doesn't mean you should listen to what they say.
If someone suddenly changes their allegiance, make sure they aren't having their thoughts controlled.
When using ancient communication devices to communicate with Ori villages, do not attempt to explain who you are in order to convince them that the people you inhabit are not possessed.
Comment or make suggestions please. I know how many hits I'm getting on this thing. If you read, please just let me know if you like it. Even if you don't have suggestions, I still want to hear from you.
I have the last chapter (which could possibly turn into two) planned out, but as long as I keep getting suggestions, I will try to add more chapters before the last. Suggestions inspire me to write more of my own.