Cuddy was right, of course. There were still some issues to deal with. His load of Stacy baggage had been reduced by nearly half, but now there was a hidden box somewhere, and holding on to it meant holding on to a part of Stacy . He had worked hard to get this far and wasn't going to quit over one box. But he wasn't really sure if he was ready to deal with it yet.
Damn it all to hell.
"Dr. House."
From the tone of Foreman's voice House knew something was up. Chase was with him. The older doctor didn't answer, making them wait as he took his sweet time washing and drying his hands.
"How's the patient?" House asked, knowing full well that was hardly the reason the two doctors had cornered him in the bathroom.
"Lupus, just like we thought," said Chase.
"The rash showed up," House said. It wasn't a question. "Butterfly rashes never lie, unlike people. But I'm sure that earthshattering news could have waited another five minutes."
"How's Dr. Cuddy?" Foreman asked, staring daggers.
"Dr. Cuddy is just fine," House answered quietly, not missing a beat. "You can ask her yourself when she gets back. I'm sure she'll be touched by your sudden concern. But you're not here about that."
"Your bike was parked in her driveway last night," said Chase.
"So? Was I breaking curfew, Dr. Chase? I was helping her pack."
"You were helping her pack at midnight?" Chase asked incredulously.
House knew exactly what they were thinking and what they wanted to accuse him of. He should have angry and defensive, but wasn't. The whole situation was hilarious to him because he had absolutely nothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed of. The two younger doctors were going to fall flat on their faces and House wouldn't miss it for a lifetime supply of extra-strength Vicodin.
It was something to get his mind off the new Stacy situation for a while.
"Sure. You know how women are. They have to pack everything." House narrowed his eyes at the blonde doctor. "What were you doing at Cuddy's house at midnight, Dr. Chase?"
"I was taking a detour," Chase answered, and was most likely telling the truth since a whole slew of road construction had the traffic snarled everywhere. "And I've seen your bike there on a few other nights."
"I've been there before," House replied in a pleasant voice. Set the trap, watch them fall in. "Now are you going to tell me what this has to do with anything or am I going to have to say it for you?" He leaned back on the wall and watched them squirm. "You think I'm taking advantage of her and this whole situation somehow, don't you boys?" His blue eyes shifted from doctor to doctor. "Two against a cripple. That's very clever, but the next time you try to ambush me you better remember who you're dealing with."
Foreman said, "You're not denying it."
"I'm not denying that I'm sleeping with her."
"You have something on her. She can't stand you. Why else would she let you in her home?" Foreman asked.
"Why is what I do on my own time any of your business, Dr. Foreman?" House asked, watching the younger doctors dig themselves in deeper and deeper. "Or are you just jealous because I'm getting some and you're not?"
"You're still not denying it."
"You're still jealous that I'm getting some. And there's nothing to deny. Am I not allowed a private life for some reason or am I supposed to go home and hang upside down in the closet all night?"
"I have to agree. Dr. Cuddy hates your guts," Chase spoke up. "She'd never let you in her front door without a good reason."
"That shows how much you know," the older doctor snickered. He and Cuddy didn't exactly advertise their current relationship on a billboard and always kept it cool and professional at the hospital. Foreman and Chase must not have noticed anything different since they seemed to truly believe what they were saying. "Now tell me, Chase, the time you slept with Cameron while she was high on meth, was that taking advantage of her? Oh, that's right, it doesn't count because she hardly remembers and the condom didn't break." As the blonde doctor turned every shade of pink and red, House added, "The second you decided to pry into my sex life yours became fair game."
"And you," the older doctor continued, turning to Foreman, "tell me, where are all the fruits of my labor?"
"What?" Foreman frowned.
"Well, Dr. Genius, if I'm taking advantage of poor innocent Dr. Cuddy, who isn't Dean of Medicine because she's so damned stupid and helpless, what do I have to show for it? If I'm taking such advantage of her surely I'm getting more out of it than getting laid and getting laid well, right? I mean there's my huge, new cushy office, the big fat raise, the supermodels to replace you two and Cameron...oh wait, I have none of those things. In fact I dare either of you to name one single solitary change around here that has been exclusively for my benefit. Foreman? Chase? First one to answer gets to unload his clinic hours on me for a month. So, fire away."
Silence except for one stubborn faucet that steadily dripped. House could almost hear the gears turning in their heads.
Two minutes passed.
"No answers because there are no answers." House said, his voice sounding unusually loud after the long silent break. "Next time, doctors, make sure the damsel is actually in distress before riding to the rescue. And next time you accuse me of anything you better have some major fucking proof to back it up. For the record, I started it and Cuddy finished it, if you get my meaning."
"No way. It can't be true. It can't. Cuddy can't stand to be the same room with you." Foreman said.
"Her sheets are a lovely pale yellow. I get to see them a lot."
"I just can't believe it," Chase said, slackjawed. "You and Cuddy..."
"Oh, believe it," House smirked. "I'm so fucking irresistible."
More silence as the two younger doctors tried to process what they couldn't conceive to be the case, but it was, and how the hell they got it so wrong.
"So what happens now?" Foreman said, bracing for the worst.
"You're waiting for me to kick your sorry asses to the curb. That's what I should do," House said. "But watching the two of you make complete jackasses out of yourselves, especially when you were so sure and so goddamned sincere...that's the kind of entertainment money can't buy. It's just so funny--taking advantage of Dr. Cuddy, what the hell where you thinking? But just remember the two of you have been promoted to the top of my shit-list. Split my clinic hours for a month and we'll call it even. If you ever try to pull a stunt like this on me again you better have more than a few errant motorcycle sightings for backup or you will find your sorry asses on the curb faster than you can say 'proof'".
"It was just...my God," Chase stuttered. "You and Dr. Cuddy..."
"Your new clinic hours start today, Chase, so get in there because you're late," said House. "You guys are hilarious. Seriously, this has made my week. Now if you will excuse me I'm going to send an email to Cuddy telling her each and every detail about this little impromptu get-together. Oh man...she's going to get a kick out of this..."
