History Repeats
Disclaimer: Don't own VM or characters.
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"Veronica," Logan called while softly knocking on the door. "What do you want to eat for lunch?" He had left her alone for hours, but it was going on noon now and she still hadn't come out of the room. Keith had called a little bit ago and asked Logan to see if he could get Veronica to eat anything. He mentioned she hardly touched dinner the night before, and was beginning to wonder when her last solid meal was.
"Really Logan, I'm not hungry," she opened the door and leaned against the frame. Obviously lacking the energy, or desire to stand up straight.
"Come on, Ronnie. You've gotta eat something, I'll make anything you want."
"I said no, Logan. Thank you for offering, I know you're worried, but I'm fine, seriously."
"Look, I know you're not hungry but I'm telling you it's time to eat. You haven't had anything in hours, hell probably days, and if you are going to stand in front of all those people tomorrow and deliver a eulogy without passing out you're going to eat." He didn't want to be quite so rough about it, but she had to eat something.
Veronica looked a little surprised that he snapped at her.
"Fine, I'll have a grilled cheese. Thanks, Logan. I have to get back to work. I think I'm about done."
"Do you want me to read it?"
"That's ok, you really don't need to," she started fidgeting with a splinter on the doorframe. "But, umm, I wanted to ask," her gaze moved to the floor and he watched her begin to turn red.
"Veronica, I've already told you that I'll do anything…" Logan started, trying to make whatever she was going to ask a little easier.
"I wanted to know if you'd go to the funeral with me. I want Dad to be able to sit with Alicia, and I know Mac will be there but," Logan stopped her and ran his hand up and down her arms comfortingly.
"Of course I'll be there Veronica. I know Wallace might not have been my best friend, but he and I did spend some time together this past year. He was a good person…and he was a loyal friend to you when those of us who should have been weren't. I owe it to him to be there. Besides, I already told you Veronica, I won't let you do this alone."
Logan left to go make the grilled cheese as Veronica managed to choke out a "thank you" and turned to finish up the eulogy.
This time she left her door open.
When Logan walked back to Veronica's room he was pleased to see that her door was open. He walked in with the grilled cheese in hand but instead of seeing her scrunched over the computer as he had imagined, he saw the closed laptop with a piece of paper laying on top. He figured she must have finished the eulogy, and so he scanned the room for Veronica. He almost jumped when he turned and saw her staring into her closet.
"Hey, what'cha doin'?" She turned to him and as she brushed some hair away from her face, he could see that she was shaking.
"I'm trying to find something to wear tomorrow…I um, I" her voice was starting to shake as badly as her hands were. Logan put down the plate and started to walk towards her.
"I hadn't thought about what to wear, and I'm done with the eulogy now," her breath started to hitch and the tears began again. "I just need to concentrate on something because every time I stop thinking about what I need to do I just start to melt down" she was speaking really fast now. "And I don't have time to fall apart, I just, I can't let mysel…."
"Veronica…"
"No Logan, I can't let myself st st start this,"
"Ronnie," Logan croaked. This was harder than it was over the phone, listening to her fall apart was one thing, but watching it happen…
"I can't" she covered her face with her hands and started to back away but Logan pulled her shaking hands away from her face and pulled her into his arms as she started to sob.
"oh god, Wallace…oh god" Logan held on to her tighter as they lowered to the ground her body convulsing with pain. "Oh god" she was gasping for air now and Logan had absolutely nothing to say.
"Just breathe, Veronica. Just concentrate on breathing. I'm here" he was stroking her hair and back trying to get her to calm down a little.
"Not Wallace, Logan…why? What did I do to deserve this? Oh no…make this stop," he held on to her as she tried to take in a breath. "God this hurts, Logan. Oh God, Wallace…"
"You don't deserve this, Ronnie. You don't and I won't let you blame yourself. Just go ahead and cry, baby, you're allowed to fall apart. I'm not going anywhere. Just breathe, Veronica."
"I'm sorry, Logan," she stuttered out, "I hate this, I.." she couldn't finish. She really hated that Logan was in this position again, dealing with her while she broke down.
"Veronica, I know I'm like a broken record here, but I don't know if you're hearing me. You're not going to do this alone. I'm not leaving you alone and if that means we're going to sit here with you crying on my shoulder, I don't care. I blew it with Lily and with Meg," he continued to calmly stroke her back and paused as she caught her breath. "And I'm sorry for that, but I'm not going to blow it this time. I'm here for you whether you are composed or a sobbing mess. You lost Wallace, but you're not on your own now, not ever again, Veronica."
Logan was rewarded with a slightly calmer Veronica who was now just quietly trying to catch her breath with her head in his lap. She had stopped shaking and her muscles, which had been so tight a few minutes ago seemed to be relaxing.
"One more thing, Ronnie. It might be cold, but don't think you're getting out of eating that grilled cheese."
"Damn," Veronica managed, "diversion failed."
