Chapter 23: Part 6 — Sly of the Tiger

Author's note: Thanks for all of the reviews with my previous chapter. Everyone seemed excited that I came up with a way to continue the AI/scientist! Caroline story. For ilovetvd (who is one of my 'frequent flyer' reviewers and I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your support!): Here's a quick explanation of what happened: In Universe A, Caroline made the decision to free Klaus by using the herbs he gave her, but as Bonnie's mother warned, substituting spell ingredients can have unexpected consequences and this sent Caroline into an alternate universe (Universe B). In this universe, I imagine the roles are reversed (Caroline is a thousand-year-old hybrid and Klaus is a brilliant scientist.) Scientist! Caroline was transferred into Caroline the hybrid's body and vice versa.

In this brief installment, Caroline's ghouls are back by popular demand! This chapter will feature some lost scenes in Chapters 6 and 20 told from the ghouls' perspective. It gets a bit silly. A lot silly, actually. Enjoy!


"The scholar does not consider gold and jade to be precious treasures, but loyalty and good faith."
― Confucius


Excerpt from Chapter 20 (told from the ghouls' point-of-view)

Ishkur the Fiendish vowed to make war on the useless Originals before him if they didn't hurry up and realize that Sunshine had been stolen. His black eyes glittered as he watched Zahgurim bang her scaly fist yet again on the glass table in frustration. "Sunshine's Ass-Weasel is a tragically ignorant piece of squirrel carcass," he said with a long-suffering sigh.

Endukugga of Uruk nodded his rotted gray head in agreement as he stared at the Originals, adding, "They're all such hideously deformed creatures. Praise cookies — our Sunshine is such a kind soul to love her Ass-Weasel despite his wretched ugliness." Some of the smaller groups nearby nodded enthusiastically at that, feeling immensely proud of their Sunshine's selfless ways.

Stuffy Tie-Man began moving his lips in an exaggerated manner while stressing each syllable of his boring word-talk. Several of the assembled ghouls grumbled that they planned to wear his pinstripe tie around their foreheads while they slowly ate him. Zahgurim and the others explained yet again to Ass-Weasel and Stuffy Tie-Man that Sunshine had been stolen, but alas, it was to no avail.

Sweet Meat suddenly came bumbling into the room, causing everyone to stop their raving and grin. He was such a delightful little puppy and several waved at him, clicking their teeth enthusiastically. Such a shame Sunshine spoiled their fun and wouldn't let them keep him. But maybe if they were really good and promised to feed and water him every day... Sweet Meat let out a garbled noise like a cat coughing up a hairball and then hid behind Sunshine's Ass-Weasel and Stuffy Tie-Man. Endukugga of Uruk attempted to engage in a brief game of peek-a-boo with Sweet Meat, but he was rudely ignored.

Sweat Meat's silly word-talk was surprisingly useful and the assembled ghouls realized that Ass-Weasel finally understood that Sunshine had been stolen. It didn't stop him from asking pointless questions, though, and they could tell that Zahgurim was moments away from nibbling off his dimples to get him to focus on the urgent problem at hand.

Praise cookies — Boo finally arrived, and everyone gathered around her eagerly. She always smelled like cookies and there was the exciting possibility that she might have brought some with her. She always was so generous to share her cookies with them. Their Boo was the patron saint of cookies and the goddess of cookies and the president of cookies. However, her stern word-talk told them they were being denied cookies.

Several of the ghouls glared at Ass-Weasel, Stuffy Tie-Man and Sweet Meat as it was obvious they were responsible for this devastating cookie shortage. How dare they stand in the way of their cookie dreams! And they still hadn't gone to rescue Sunshine, either! Originals had to be the most useless supernatural creatures in the world. Except for sirens. Sirens, as everyone knew, were the epitome of inflated, pointless word-talk and inevitable disappointment.

Boo's word-talk turned angry and they realized Sweet Meat was threatening their Boo in some way. Quickly, Barashakushu the Bloodthirsty, Ishkur the Fiendish, Endukugga of Uruk, and Earl stood protectively in front of their Boo, hissing at Sweet Meat to remind their puppy of his place. "Bad puppy," Barashakushu the Bloodthirsty growled, wagging her finger at the naughty Original.

Praise cookies — Boo valiantly took control of the meeting with her brilliant word-talk, and the ghouls breathed a sigh of relief that finally the plan to rescue their Sunshine was making significant progress. Ishkur the Fiendish looked around the room, counting on his long fingers and toes and seemed to be coming up short in his calculations. Finally, he turned to Earl and asked in confusion, "Why are we missing Sheshkala? Where is he?"

Earl scratched his rotted gray head, grumbling in irritation, "Sheshkala is running late because he is still worshipping upon the altar of the Girls of Gilmore at the holy Flix of Net and cannot be disturbed." Several ghouls nodded solemnly at this revelation, their sorrow great as they knew Sheshkala would be inconsolable when he realized the extent of Rory's tragically underdeveloped, out-of-character treatment.

Boo captured their attention and started herding the ghouls out of the room. Praise cookies! They were finally off to rescue Sunshine! They raised their fists in the air, bellowing a victorious war cry as they chattered excitedly about how they would shower their Sunshine in hugs and kisses and couldn't wait to see if she had eaten Greasy Ratpire who stole her. Maybe she would share?

Or, even better, maybe she would have cookies!


Excerpt from Chapter 6 (told from the ghouls' point-of-view)

Everyone knows that werewolf toes are a mild, tender meat and therefore are far too delicate for the harsh, smoky texture of cayenne pepper. The proper spices to soften the gamey flavor of such a delicate meat must be thyme with a hint of dill. Zahgurim rolled her eyes when she noticed Ishkur the Fiendish liberally adding the spicy red powder to the red snapper and werewolf toe bouillabaisse.

She opened her mouth to complain and/or bite off one of his long, scaly fingers holding the spice bottle in protest, but was distracted by Barashakushu the Bloodthirsty, Sheshkala, and Earl bringing in Sweet Meat, tightly bound and gagged with his brown eyes full of anger with a healthy dose of fear. They placed him on top of the kitchen table and Zahgurim hissed at him, "Do you know why you're here, Sweet Meat? Did you think we wouldn't find out about your side-betting ring at Fang Fights?"

Sweet Meat seemed confused as it became clear he didn't speak the ghouls' language. He struggled ineffectively against his bonds, underestimating the depth of their magic.

Barashakushu the Bloodthirsty sighed in irritation. "Why can't we eat this one? It would be so much easier."

Earl shrugged his skeletal shoulders while rooting around in the refrigerator for a Dr. Pepper. "Because Sunshine claimed Ass-Weasel and his family. Therefore, we are bound by our honor code not to harm them — within reason," he added as an afterthought, gulping down his drink in one massive swallow and then attempting to belch out much of the ghoulese alphabet to the rest of his clan's amusement.

Sheshkala leaned over to scratch behind Sweet Meat's ears with his long fingers. "So instead we'll keep him as a puppy. Praise cookies — you know we've always wanted one." The group murmured in agreement, rubbing their scaly hands together excitedly as Sweet Meat's brown eyes widened comically at their disquieting gesture.

As Sheshkala began stroking Sweet Meat's sweaty brown locks, Ishkur the Fiendish said knowledgably, "I've been doing some research and I think we may need to get a crate to help train him."

Zahgurim tilted her rotted gray head, thinking hard. "We have a dungeon. Does that count?"

"Meh, close enough," Ishkur the Fiendish nodded, black eyes glittering. As he resumed stirring the bouillabaisse he added, "I also read that we'll need to practice responsible behavior modification, like using a squirt bottle or pointing at him and saying 'no' in an authoritative voice whenever he's naughty."

Thin lips pulled back from her sharp teeth in a terrifying grin, Zahgurim informed the group, "After listening to Sunshine's girls, I know what Sweet Meat's biggest behavior issue will be." She pointed a long, scaly finger at Sweet Meat, almost brushing the tip of his nose as he nearly went cross-eyed trying to follow the movement. "No! Bad puppy! No humping," she said in a guttural, authoritative voice. The ghouls all clapped her on the back, trading high-fives as they found her tone on-point for appropriate puppy behavior modification.

They had just finished agreeing that she should be Sweet Meat's head trainer, when Sunshine interrupted them. From her stern word-talk and impatient tapping of her heels, it appeared that they may have to give back their new puppy.

However, maybe she brought them cookies.