Chapter 23: Green with Laughter

Police cars were all over the restaurant, carting off the unconscious goons left in Batman's wake. Emergency crews were also seeing to victims of the bridge, making sure everyone was okay. This allowed both Superman and Batman to retreat to a rooftop in order to talk.

"He won't kill her." Batman assured him. "He needs her alive for now."

"Considering his history, that's not a comfort." Superman told him.

"He wants you, that much is clear." Batman went on. "Why else would he take Lois?"

"But why me?" Superman asked. "What does he gain from going after me?"

"When it comes to the Joker, its rare you'll get a clear answer." Batman replied.

There was a moment of silence as they just stewed on what happened.

"Bruce Wayne." Superman let out. "Still can't wrap my head around that."

"To be fair, underwhelming reporter Clark Kent being Superman is pretty out there too." Batman retorted.

"Being a reporter helps." Superman insisted. "When I start asking in depth questions, nobody bats an eye."

"Fair enough." Batman admitted.

Silence fell again as Superman let out a breath.

"We need to find Lois before Joker hurts her, or worse." He insisted.

"Just tread lightly." Batman warned. "With Joker, expect the unexpected."

Superman nodded, then took off into the sky.

Across town, in an abandoned comedy prop house, Lois was tied and gagged to a chair as Joker marveled at the Kryptonite statue with a hammer and chisel in hand.

"Think of it Miss Lane, this rock is more precious than gold!" He boasted. "One tiny chip will go for thousands on the collectors market. Just as soon as it kills your flyboy."

Joker then took the hammer and chisel and used them to split the statue in half. Harley then pulled off her gag off and allowed her to speak.

"You sick, demented, murdering freak-!" Lois called out before she was quickly silenced again.

"How rude." Harley snapped. "What's with the girls in this city?"

"Must be the air." Joker pondered, picking up the head of the statue. "Half for now and half for later."

He held up the dragon, admiring it with sick fascination.

"You've got a front-row seat for the story of the century, my dear." He quipped before leering at Lois with a massive grin. "The death of Superman."

Leaving the hunt for Joker in Batman's hands, Superman flew to DEO headquarters. Touching down in front of the building, he walked inside and looked around. Eventually, he crossed paths with Director Faraday, who gave him a warm smile.

"Superman, to what do we owe the pleasure?" He asked.

"Sorry to drop by unannounced, director," Superman replied. "But I was hoping to check in on that project Dr. Miller said she was working on for me."

"No trouble at all." Faraday assured him. "She's in her lab. Just go on in."

Superman nodded as he walked over to Kari's lab. She was sitting in front of a lowered work table, welding mask on her face as she was putting the finishing touches on what looked like a metal hazmat suit.

"The suit looks good, Dr. Miller." Superman commended.

Kari perked, turning off her welding torch and lifting her mask.

"Thanks." she told him. "I'm just putting the finishing touches on it now."

She rolled to the side, revealing the Superman Insignia in its signature colors emblazoned on the front.

"The entire suit is lead-lined and insulated against all types of radiation, specifically Kryptonite radiation." she informed him. "It's a bit bulky, but I figure that's a small price to pay to avoid deadly green rays."

"You figured right." Superman confirmed. "And it's about to get a field test."

Kari looked surprised.

"This quickly?" She questioned. "You sure that's a good idea?"

"Right now, I don't have a choice." Superman replied.

Back in the city, Batman and Robin were surveying the city, trying to find any leads on Joker. Robin kept rubbing his eyes as he did.

"How do the people stand all the light here?" He questioned. "It's so bright."

"Not every place is like Gotham." Batman replied. "Even before Superman showed up, people didn't have to worry about the same criminal element we do."

"I guess." Robin allowed. "Still, in a city like this, you figure someone like the Joker would stand out like a sore thumb."

"Knowing the Joker, he won't stay hidden for very long." Batman reasoned.

Robin looked back out over the city, his eyes going wide at a particular sight.

"Well, when you're right, you're right." Robin agreed.

Batman looked over and saw a massive red and black blimp flying over the city. It had Joker's signature logo emblazoned on both sides and was playing off-key carnival music. On the front was a massive screen with Joker's laughing face.

"This is a callout for the chump of steel!" Joker taunted. "If you want your precious side piece to live to write another day, you'll come here."

The screen shows a map of the city with a dot saying "We are Here."

"And come alone," Joker warned. "no cops, no super buddies, or little Lois dies laughing."

The screen turned off as the blimp flew away.

"Well that was convenient." Robin remarked. "It's gotta be a trap."

"Obviously." Batman agreed.

"Surprised he didn't call you out." Robin admitted.

"He didn't have to." Batman reasoned. "He knows I'll come no matter what."

"Then let's not keep him waiting." Robin declared.

At the designated location, Superman, now sporting his lead lined suit, crashed through the walls and landed in front of the Joker.

"More powerful than a locomotive!" Joker let out. "And just about as subtle. Nice of you to show up in your Sunday best."

"Where is she, Joker?" Superman demanded.

"Oh, forget about Lois." Joker dismissed. "Feast your eyes on this!"

Joker pulled out the Kryptonite, leaving Superman completely undeterred. He just walked up to Joker and grabbed him by the collar.

"Now, I'll ask you once more…" Superman told him.

Joker then lead Superman into the room where Lois was being held, looking downright glum that his kryptonite didn't work. Superman paid him no mind, going over to Lois, who was suspended from a rope several feet off the ground.

"I don't understand it." Joker lamented. "I had it all worked out."

Superman started preparing to lower Lois to the ground when Joker suddenly perked up.

"Wait a minute!" He let out. "That's it!"

"What's it?" Superman asked, turning to him.

"Silly me, I forgot the acid." Joker replied before spraying acid from his flower.

Upon contact, the acid melted the suit, allowing the Joker to toss the Kryptonite in front of Superman. The exposure immediately caused Superman to drop to his knees in pain, causing Joker to laugh maniacally.

"What's the matter, Supey?" Joker asked, kicking Superman in the face. "Got any steam in the old locomotive?"

He then proceeded to kick Superman hard in the ribs before curb stomping his face. The entire time, Lois was screaming into her gag, eyes wide with horror.

Meanwhile, Batman and Robin entered through the hole Superman made, landing with little resistance.

"Looks like Superman's already here." Robin deduced.

"Then we'd better find him, fast." Batman decided.

The two went off, unaware of Harley watching everything from a security booth.

Back with Joker, he continued dancing around Superman, periodically zapping Superman with his electric buzzer.

"I hope you're taking notes." Joker said to Lois.

Just then, his phone started going off. Reluctantly he answered it.

"Harley?" He answered. "Kinda in the middle of something here."

"But Puddin', Batman and the boy blunder are on their way!"

"So soon." Joker realized. "That's gotta be a new record."

Joker then hung up the phone before turning to Lois.

"So sorry to step away, but I have another guest to prepare for." Joker told her before turning to Superman. "Feel free to expire anytime."

On a nearby stair well, some of the Joers men opened fire on Batman and Robin as they ran down. Robin leapt onto the banister and slid down it before leaping towards one of the men, ramming him into a wall. The second man tried aiming his gun at him, but Batman just grabbed it and punched him out. Two more goons at the bottom of the stairs opened fire, but both Batman and Robin threw their batarangs simultaneously, disarming them and allowing Batman to leap down and bash their heads together. The impact knocked them out instantly as Robin came down to join him.

"You'd think these guys would learn by now." Robin remarked.

"Come on." Batman ushered.

The two then took off down the hallway, Robin stopping near an open door.

"Over here." He called out.

Batman joined him and saw Superman laying on the ground and Lois hanging in the air. Batman went over and picked up the Kryptonite.

"Help her down." Batman instructed. "I'll be back."

Robin gave a two-fingered salute, rushing to do as he was told. However, before Batman could leave with the kryptonite, a massive metal door slammed down, blocking his exit. Just then, Joker's sick laughter filled the room, much to their dismay.

"Welcome, Batsy!" Joker greeted. "Glad you could make it! And I see the new boy blunder decided to join the party! Still too much red for my eyes, but hey, bet he'll be an improvement over the last one."

Batman's jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed, his grip on the dragon head tightening.

"I'd ask how long you think this one will last, but then again," an all too familiar green gas began to fill the room, "you're all about to go out with a smile! Happy trails, Batman!"

Joker then broke out into his signature laughter as Batman tossed the Kryptonite at the TV screen, shattering it. He then began looking around the room for anything he could use to escape. Robin finished freeing Lois, loosening her gag as she rubbed her wrists.

"Batman, the canisters!" she called out, pointing at the wall where several canisters the size of paint cans were sitting.

Batman went over and took a look

"Hydrochloric acid." He read off. "It would take a week to eat through the wall."

"No…" Superman wheezed. "Kr...Kryptonite."

Superman then collapsed again, prompting Batman to grab the canister and pour the acid inside on the rock. Contact melted the Kryptonite down to practically nothing, allowing Superman to get back to his feet.

"Everyone, get close to me." He commanded.

He scooped Robin under one arm and Lois in the other. Batman just grabbed onto his back as Superman rocketed his way out of the room.

In the control room, Joker and Harley were rocked by the force of Superman's escape.

"Uh-oh." Harley let out. "They're loose!"

"That's not fair!" Joker whined.

Before they could make a break for it, Superman plowed through the wall, standing before them with Lois, Batman, and Robin.

"It's over, Joker!" Superman declared.

"It hasn't even begun, Supey!" Joker retorted, pulling a bag of marbles out of his jacket, scattering them across the ground as he and Harley made their getaway.

"He's gotta be kidding." Superman remarked.

"I don't think so." Robin replied.

As soon as two marbles made contact, they exploded. That explosion triggered several others, causing the heroes to move back.

"They're grenades!" Superman declared.

"Like I said, expect the unexpected." Batman replied.

Superman immediately scooped up Lois as Batman and Robin used their grapels to zip off away from the explosion.

The four managed to get away before the entire building went up in a massive explosion. Batman and Robin landed on the ground unharmed as Superman joined them, setting Los down.

"You two alright?" Superman asked.

"Fine." Batman replied.

"Well, thanks for the save." Lois commended.

"Happy to help." Robin replied.

"Joker's still out there though." Superman lamented. "And we still have no idea why he's after me."

"Then we still have some digging to do." Batman declared. "I'll keep you updated on what we find."

Batman then pulled out a remote and pressed a button, summoning the Batwing. Batman and Robin then fired grappling hooks at the wing, pulling them up to it as they flew off.

"Always so dramatic." Superman commented as Lois remembered something.

"Bruce!" Lois let out. "He was there when Joker-"

"Don't worry." Superman reassured. "He's just fine."

The next day, Lex Luthor stood in front of the bombed building, which just so happened to be a Lexcorp laboratory, addressing several reporters.

"I'd like to assure the press that the explosion was non nuclear, and poses no threat to the community." Lex informed. "I have my best men looking into what happened so an event of this magnitude will not happen again. Now, if you'll all excuse me."

The group erupted into a series of questions, mostly about the Joker. Lex did his best to ignore them as Mercy ushered him into his car. Once he was inside and Mercy had taken him out of sight, he let out his anger in an angry roar before pounding the door hard.

"I never should have let myself be tricked by that maniac." he snarled.

Clark, who was amongst the reporters attempting to question him, perked up upon hearing that before scowling in contempt.

Meanwhile at Joker's hideout, Joker was slumped in a chair as Harley held a cookie shaped like Batman up to him.

"Hello Mr. J, I'm Batman." Harley spoke in a Batman impression. "Eat me, eat me, eat me."

Joker let out a long sigh, turning to Harley.

"I know, you are trying to cheer me up Harley, but you see, anytime I lose a billion dollar deal…" He suddenly grabbed her by the front of her costume. "It really kills my appetite!"

Suddenly, a barrage of bullets started flying out, causing the two to take cover as their entire lair was shot full of holes. After a few seconds, the shots died out. Joker peeked out to see Lex and Mercy walk inside, the latter carrying a machine gun .

"Honestly, Lex, don't you think I feel bad enough already." Joker insisted before Lex grabbed him by the collar.

"You maniac!" Lex yelled. "How dare you use one of my laboratories for your-"

"Harley." Joker called out.

Harley came flipping out of her hiding spot, getting into a fighting stance.

"Put him down, baldy!" she snapped.

"Mercy!" Lex shouted.

Mercy discarded the gun, opting to double kick Harley off her feet.

"Payback time you little psycho!" Mercy declared.

The two women began fighting with one another, using every dirty tactic in the book. As they did, Joker met Lex's eyes with a disarming, if somewhat creepy, smile.

"Can't we discuss this like civilized gentlemen?" Joker asked.

Reluctantly, Lex agreed and let Joker go.

"That's better." Joker replied, leading Lex over to a slightly shot up chair. "Have a seat."

Lex sat down, still glaring at Joker as the clown took a seat opposite Lex. In the background, Mercy and Harley were still fighting, their clothes torn to shreds and their hair everywhere.

"Banzai!" Harley yelled, tackling Mercy.

"You owe me an explanation." Lex demanded.

"The lab was a perfect set up." Joker explained. "It's not my fault Batman got Supey out of there."

"Batman?!" Lex let out. "He followed you to Metropolis?!"

"I know!" Joker replied. "Caught me by surprise too. I was beginning to think Bats had lost interest."

"You act as though you expected him to show up." Lex noted.

"Oh, he has a thing for following me, but it doesn't matter." Joker brushed off. "I still have half the kryptonite, though if I have to deal with two men in tights, it will raise my rates a bit."

Mercy managed to get under Harley, tossing her into a crate before grabbing a fallen plank and charging in after her.

"Unacceptable." Lex declared, standing up. "If you can't handle some mental case in a fright mask, our deal is off."

He turned to Mercy, who was on top of Harley, slamming her head repeatedly into the ground as Harley struggled in vain to get her off.

"Mercy! Let's go!" Lex called out before turning back to Joker. "Be warned. This is your last chance."

He then walked out, Mercy hobbling behind him with a very noticeable limp and a swollen eye. Harley then waived over to Joker, barely able to stand on her own feet.

"How ya doin, slugger?" Joker asked.

"A-ok, Mister J." Harley replied before collapsing.

Later that night, Clark stops by Lois' apartment, knocking on the door. After a few seconds, Lois opened up.

"Hey, Smallville." She greeted. "Come on in. What brings you by?"

"Just wanted to see how you were doing after-"

Clark was cut off by seeing Bruce inside the apartment.

"Mr. Wayne." Clark greeted. "Didn't expect to see you here."

"I just wanted to make sure Lois was ok after last night." Bruce explained. "I was just about to leave."

"Actually, it's probably good you're here." Clark halted. "I've been doing some digging and I think I know why Joker's going after Superman."

"Really?" Lois let out. "Why?"

"I think he's in cahoots with Mr. Wayne's business partner." Clark answered.

"Luthor." Bruce clarified. "Shouldn't surprise me. After the Lexo-Suit incident, he's been on thin ice. Honestly if this project wasn't a pre-existing contract, I would have cut all ties with him long ago."

"I was hoping that with your 'connections', you might find something more concrete." Clark proposed.

"Well, I suppose I could 'ask around'." Bruce offered.

Later, at Lex's condo, Luthor was sound asleep in his bed. Suddenly, Batman busted through the balcony doors, snapping him awake.

"What the-" He let out. "You! What are you doing here?"

"The Joker." Batman told him. "I know you're connected to him. What kind of deal have you made with him?"

"What are you talking about?" Lex bluffed as Mercy came from behind. "I don't know any-"

Batman then suddenly punched Mercy from behind without even looking, knocking her back and making her already nasty black eye even worse.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about!" Batman pressed. "Where is he?!"

Before the interrogation could continue, the sounds of knocking came from the doors, prompting Batman to take his leave.

"Think about it." He told him. "I'll be back."

Batman then dove off the balcony just as security guards busted inside.

"Mr. Luthor." one of the guards addressed. "Is everything alright?"

"... get out!" He ordered.

The guards just nodded before filing out. Mercy meanwhile slowly pulled herself up, rubbing her latest set of bruises.

"This deal is really beginning to become dangerous, and not worth the payout." she voiced.

"Call the clown." He told her. "It appears we'll have to deal with the Bat after all."

At the offices of the Daily Planet, Lois and Clark are talking over coffee.

"Thanks for the save yesterday." she told him. "Both at dinner and after."

"It's what I'm here for." Clark replied. "Guess Bruce Wayne isn't as glamorous as the tabloids make him out to be."

"Nope." Lois declared. "He wouldn't stop questioning me about you. You might want to steer clear of him during your second job, I think he's obsessed or something."

"That sounds about right." Clark remarked.

"Lane! Kent!" Perry called out, entering the room. "We just got word that the cruise ship Atlantis is sending out a distress call, 200 miles off shore."

"Whoa." Lois let out.

"Exactly." Perry replied. "Call the Coast Guard to confirm and the cruise line for a statement."

As Lois got to her desk, Clark slipped out and donned his Superman costume, flying off to the ship.

Meanwhile, in the apartment Bruce and Tim were staying at, Bruce was lifting weights while Tim was doing some chinups. After a while, Tim finally dropped to the ground and grabbed a bottle of water. He tossed one at Bruce, taking a swig of his own before glancing out the window.

"Uh, Bruce?" He called out. "You might want to see this."

Bruce came over and sees Joker's blimp flying across the sky, now sporting a sign that said "laff night at Hobbs Bay".

"What is he up to now?" Bruce wondered.

"Whatever it is, we better get there." Tim insisted.

"I have your suits pressed and ready, sirs." Alfred informed, walking up to them.

"Thanks Alfred." Tim replied.

"How fast can we get to Hobbs Bay?" Bruce asked.

Alfred went over to a nearby trunk and opened it up, revealing two specialized wing packs for the two of them.

"I believe the phrase is, 'when in Rome'." Alfred remarked.

Out at sea, Superman flew down to the cruise ship and landed in front of the captain, much to his surprise.

"What's the problem, Captain?" Superman asked.

"What do you mean?" the captain replied, sounding confused.

"You sent out a distress signal." Superman explained.

"No distress signal was sent." the captain insisted. "At least not on my authorization."

Superman stepped back and used his hearing and x-ray vision to look around, finally detecting something off the side of the boat. He and the captain looked over and saw a small toy boat in the water with a small flashing light on it.

"There's the culprit." Superman deduced. "It's broadcasting an electronic beacon."

"If one of my crew is responsible for this prank, they'll-"

Before the captain could finish, the toy boat exploded, knocking him and Superman back as the ship began taking on water.

"What happened?!" the captain let out.

"Whoever sent that distress signal just provided the distress." Superman declared.

Meanwhile, Batman and Robin flew through the skies of the city.

"Gotta admit," Robin voiced. "These jetpacks are pretty cool."

Batman just wordlessly dove down towards the docks with Robin following behind. The Joker just stood on the dock as the dynamic duo descended.

"Copy bat! Copy bat!" Joker mocked as they landed. "Suffering from propulsion envy, Batboy?"

"What are you doing here, Joker?" Batman asked.

"Do I really need an excuse to see my oldest and dearest friend?" Joker replied. "Look, I even brought a present!"

Suddenly, the sounds of a crate smashing open rang out as Batman and Robin turned to see one of the Wayne-Lex bots rising up and moving towards them.

"Consider it a welcome gift." Joker told them. "Welcoming you to the nearest Mortuary."

Joker just started laughing as the robot fired at them.