Hinata was in her office working.

"Naruto-kun!"

Naruto appeared at the door. "What is it, Hinata-chan?"

"Have you done the booklet thingy I asked you to do?" asked Hinata.

"Yes I have. And I find it unnecessary if you use that tone of voice."

Suddenly, Konohamaru walked to Naruto holding a booklet thingy. "Here's the booklet thingy you've asked me to do, Hokage-sama," said Konohamaru.

"Thank you." Naruto takes the booklet. As soon as Konohamaru has left, Naruto said, "Well, the future Hokage needs to learn how to use the binding machine. And I will beta read the booklet..."

Hinata walks towards the exit.

"On the way to the TV station..." finished Naruto as soon as Hinata was out of Naruto's hearing range.


From the writer who did the Maito Gai Fanfiction Series brings...

The Hokage Files

06: The Massive TV Poisoning

Disclaimers: All characters, cast, crew, ideas, blackouts and bashings belong to their respective owners. No Anime characters were brutally harmed in the writing of this fanfic.

Note: Watch out for cameo apprearences in this fanfic...


Naruto and Hinata were walking to the TVKonoha building.

"Hey, did I tell you about the time I taught my Genin students the different forms of combat?"

"Yes, you did, Naruto-kun. About 50 times over the past 4 years."


Inside the TV station waiting room, Hinata and Naruto were sitting around, with Hinata looking at the booklet and Naruto was watching a TV show that has an Anime character with big hair and goggles speaking to another character wearing a red cap.

"I really hate talk shows like these," commented Naruto.

An assistant walked to the Hokage and his wife. "The producer is ready to see you."


Naruto and Hinata were in a messy office of a TV producer. The TV producer reads Gai's proposal.

"Well, I'm sure Mr. Maito would be pleased to know that his show will be promoted worldwide."

"Good to hear," said Hinata. "We can provide our own props and other stuffs. All we need are just the cameras."

"I see," said the Producer. "Well, I'll send this to the guys upstairs ASAP and I'll call you within a week," said the TV producer.

"Great," said Hinata, looking at her husband.

"I'll expect your call," said Naruto.


One Year Later

Naruto was on the phone in his office.

"That's great news. I'll send a couple of Jonins over to keep an eye on things."

Naruto puts the phone down. "Hinata-chan!"

"What is it, Naruto-kun?"

"Good news, TVKonoha has agreed and they'll be doing it this Friday."

"But Tenten's heavily pregnant, so we need someone else to replace her for the time being and that would need a change in notes."

"I'll handle it, Hinata-chan. I will edit and beta read these notes. After all, I had to beta read a form I asked Lee to do for me. I found out from Lee that my age was 106 and my profession is a Pokémon Trainer."

Sasuke walks into the office carrying an envelope. "Sakura made me ask around the gang to put something together for Shikamaru and Ino. Their birthday is coming up."

Hinata takes Naruto's frog purse. "How much did everyone put in?"

"Around 200 Ryou per person," said Sasuke.

Hinata takes out 400 Ryou and puts it in Sasuke's envelope.

"Thanks, Hinata. I'll bring the card around..."

As Sasuke leaves the office, Shizune walks in.

"What was it that Shizune was collecting last week?" asked Naruto.

"The lunch money. You still owe me 120 Ryou."

Hinata takes out Naruto's frog purse again and pays Shizune.

"Since when did having Take-away Ramen from Ichiraku's come up to 120 Ryou?"


At the Meeting room, Shizune, Lee, Shikamaru, Hinata and Naruto were at the table.

"The Chunin exams have been canceled again. Konohamaru forgot to send a message to the other Hidden Villages with the information," announced Shizune. "And the Hokage has an announcement..."

At that moment, Sasuke walked into the meeting room with his eight-year old daughter. "Sorry about that. A termite infestation has forced the academy to close for the day, so I had to bring Yuri with me to work since Sakura has surgery to do in the afternoon."

"That's ok," said Hinata. "I'm sure the Hokage would be fine with you bringing your daughter to work."

Naruto nods. "Anyway, big news. TVKonoha has agreed with the new TV show we have pitched to them." Sasuke takes out a little teddy bear and plays it in front of his daughter. "And it is agreed that they will start the filming this Friday..."

At that instant, Yuri grabbed Naruto's collar and slams him onto the table, causing him to have a nose bleed. "Dammit, Sasuke! Can't you control your own daughter? Especially when she has her mother's monstrous strength?"


A few 'accidents' later...

Naruto walked into the lobby of the Hokage Building just after leaving the hospital getting treatment for a broken nose, bruised face and a black eye.

Garu was calling out to Naruto. "Hokage-sama, come look at this!"

Garu points at the ceiling. "What do you think?"

"That's quite good wallpaper."

"I know. Shirai and I took it from some old wallpaper from our places and decided to put it on the ceiling."

Naruto was impressed. "Very nice. I like the birds, the bees and the dog. But..." Naruto changed his expression. "I suggest you take that down before I decide to turn you two into human wallpapers!" screamed Naruto.

"Yes Hokage-sama!" Garu quickly climbed up the ladder.

Naruto pulls an old copy of Icha Icha Paradise off Kakashi's daughter, who happens to be reading it in the lobby. "Thank you."

"Hey! I was reading that," said Aoi.


At Shizune's desk, Shizune was watching Lee was doing something with Naruto's cell phone.

Naruto sees Shizune. "Hey, Shizune, since there is a function tonight, would you mind if you could come tonight…"

"Of course."

"...to work in the kitchen," finished Naruto.

"Wa?"

"Great. See you tonight." Naruto sees Lee pressing random buttons on Naruto's cell phone. "What the hell are you doing with my Phone, Lee?"

"Hinata-sama asked me to put in some reminders in your phone, like getting ice at 5 o'clock."

Naruto snatched his phone back. "Don't touch my phone...or whatever that is left of it."

"Yes, Hokage-sama...I think I better check the server."

Lee runs off.


At the Hokage's desk, Naruto was reading his 'borrowed' copy of Icha Icha Paradise. Then, Naruto picked up his phone and makes a call.

"Sakura?"


At Konoha Hospital, Shizune was at Sakura's desk with Sakura and Sasuke walking out of the door.

"Sakura has just gone out for her break," answered Shizune.

Naruto (on phone): "Who's this?"

"Shizune."

Naruto (on phone): "Well, since it's you, could you tell everyone that I'm busy."

"Too late for that," mumbled Shizune.

Tsunade walked into Sakura's office. "Have you seen Naruto? I tried looking for him at Ichiraku's but he isn't there."

"He's back in his office reading a copy of Icha Icha Paradise, Tsunade-sama," said Shizune.


Sasuke walks into Naruto's office. "You busy, Naruto?"

Naruto looks up from his Icha Icha Paradise. "Do I look busy, Sasuke?"

"You're not busy," said Sasuke.

Naruto quickly tossed the book away and started on some paperwork. "Now, do I look busy?"

"Naruto, you got to be a bit more professional. You're the leader of this village."

"Sasuke, as the head of ANBU Blue, don't you need to prepare yourself for the party tonight?"

"Now that you mentioned the party," said Sasuke. "You need me to get anything for the function? You know. Saké? Onigiri? Sakura sure makes nice Sushi."

"Onigiri?" said Naruto...


Flashback to Last Night

Naruto was watching TV when Hinata removing her apron. "Naruto-kun. The Onigiri (Rice balls) I made are cooling down. Could you put them in the fridge before you go to sleep?"

"I will, Hinata-chan," Naruto said, without looking away from the TV.


Naruto remembered what he has forgotten.

"Oh my god..."

Naruto quickly ran out of his office past Sasuke...


Back at the Uzumaki Household, a small fox was licking some rice balls on the kitchen table. The fox jumped off the kitchen table and made a run for it. It sensed the arrival of a bigger fox. Naruto runs through the front door and made a run to the kitchen table and sees the tray of rice balls still in one piece. Naruto quickly puts the tray in the fridge.
Meanwhile, back at the Hokage building, Hinata, Shizune, Sakura and Lee were celebrating Shikamaru and Ino's birthdays.

"Happy birthday to you! YAY!"

Shikamaru and Ino blew out the candles.

Sasuke walks in with a large cake.

"Here you go. I hope you like this cake I got." Sasuke takes out two present boxes. "Here you go.

"I wonder what it is," said Ino as the birthday boy and girl opened their presents.

"Eh?" The presents they received were miniature key chains versions of themselves.

"You spent our money for this?" asked Hinata.

Sasuke takes out a voucher. "Nope. I spent the rest on this voucher for this new Korean BBQ Restaurant."


At TVKonoha, Naruto was with Naru Narusegawa from Love Hina on the set of preparing to do scene of a new show.

(A/N: The only reason why they're filming in Konoha is because filming locations and extras are extremely cheap in Konoha. Naruto was in his favorite orange jacket and pants with the black t-shirt underneath.)

"So, I hear that you're doing a new University show."

Naru nods. "Yeah."

"Miss Narusegawa, we're starting in five and we need an extra," said the director. "You, in the orange outfit. Would you mind being an extra?"

Naruto points at himself. "Me? Ok. What am I suppose to do?"

"Just sit at a desk in the classroom and act as though you're listening," explained the director.

Naruto sat at a desk

"Lights, camera, action!"

Naru was walking around in front of a class.

"And the most important thing in teaching is..."

Naruto raised his hand. "Excuse me, but if she's teaching, wouldn't she need a board to write on?"

"CUT!"


Naruto was kicked out of the studio by a producer. "Wait here until you're needed."
After an hour, Naruto was bored, so he walked through a door, only to end up in a newsroom.

"Onto the weather with our weather guy, Takeshi."


Takeshi was in front of a blue/green screen.

"As you can see behind me, it will be clear skies as usual around Konoha..."

Naruto notices weather map of every single country. Then, Naruto sees a camera looking at the map...


In the TV editing room, the Producer sees Naruto's face on the weather map.

"Who the hell...Security!"

"Meep." Naruto quickly ran out of the news room. He sees a door and quickly enters it.

The security guard ran by, ignoring the door Naruto entered.

Naruto finds himself in a dressing room. Before he could open the door to check if the coast is clear, another door opened. With a bit of quick thinking, Naruto sees a chair and decides to hide under it. Naru Narusegawa walked in from another door wearing a bathrobe and a towel covering her head.

"I love it when TV stations provide their own hot springs." Naru took the towel off her hair and tosses it on the chair, giving some cover for Naruto. Naruto peeked from under the towel to see the bathrobe being removed.

At that moment, screams were heard from Naruto's phone.

"Oh shit, my reminders to get the ice," mumbled Naruto as hides behind the towel and bathrobe...


At the party, Jonins from Konoha and Suna were at a function in the Hokage Building.

"Let me tell you, I've never tried room temperature fizz drinks," said a Konoha Jonin.

"Really? It's not so bad, considering that I live in a desert," said a Jonin from Suna.

Shizune was carrying snacks and drinks on a tray while wearing a waiter's outfit. 'When the night is over, I swear I will kill Naruto...'

Naruto walked into the party with a black eye and a few bags of ice. "Hey, Hinata-chan."

"You got the ice, Naruto-kun?" Hinata sees the black eye. "What happened to your eye?"

"I had a restraining order placed on me," explained Naruto. "But never mind, where does the ice go other than my eye?"

Kankuro walked up to Shizune. "Hey, Shizune, have you got any more of those tasty Onigiri?"

Many Cases of Food Poisoning Later...

At TVKonoha...

Backstage, Yuki ran to the Hokage.

"How's your mom, Yuki?" asked Naruto.

"Mom will be fine. Setsuna will take care of mom and her own mother," said Yuki. "But we have a problem. Gai is also sick, so there's no host for the show."

"Is there anyone else who could host it? Like Lee?" asked Naruto.

"Lee is the last person I would ask," said Yuki. "Remember the last time he did Konoha Idol?"

"Oh yeah. His singing caused the last outbreak of massive diarrhea and vomiting because he was able to sing the brown note and cause mysterious cases of stomach upsets," said Naruto. "Don't want to risk that again."

"Aunt Tenten's fine, but she's heavily pregnant and Neji-sama refuses to involve himself in anything that originates from Gai," explained Yuki. "Shizune-sensei and Tsunade-sama are busy with the large number of sick patients, which is pretty much most of the Jonins and Chunins from Konoha and Suna who ate at the party. That means your three former students doing double shifts protecting this village with their own students. So, you're the only one free."


Naruto's Voice-Over: "Ladies and Gentlemen. Welcome to the first ever Maito Gai Television Series Episode and your host Maito Gai...cannot be here tonight. So in his place is the current Hokage of Konoha, Uzumaki Naruto!"

Naruto was pushed on stage by his son and was given Gai's notes.

"Errr...Hello and welcome to the first ever Maito Gai Television Series episode."


In the production room, the producer recognizes Naruto. "Not him again!"
Shikamaru was in bed with Ino as they each held a bucket.

"I swear that want to kill the Hokage, mumbled Ino.

"If this stomachache wasn't too troublesome," adds Shikamaru.


Hinata was carrying a bucket watching the TV from her bedroom. "Oh no..."
"Before we go to out first joke, let us meet our guest...who happens to be..." Naruto turns around and sees Naru. "Narusegawa..."

Naru crossed her arms. "Not within 50 mile radius, Hokage-sama," said Naru.


The healthy couple, Neji and Tenten were in the hospital room watching Naruto on TV.

"And this is why I didn't want to be on it," explained Neji as he watched the scene.


"Oh, say something!" screamed Gai back at his apartment, before making a mad dash to the toilet...
On stage, Naruto is extremely nervous as he remembered the restraining order.

"Oh fu..."

Transmission Cut.

Naruto's V/O: "Due to some technical difficulties, tonight's episode of the Maito Gai Television Series cannot be shown. In its place, we will put in another TV show..."


At an unknown location...

Jiraiya was being fed some fruits by two women while watching TV when he notices the cut in transmission.

"What the hell?"


5 years ago

Naruto was wearing his Jonin vest standing in front of his three Genin students, Hyuuga Nagi (Neji and Tenten's son), Miyabi Lee (Rock Lee's daughter) and Akimichi Haruka (Choji and Temari's eldest daughter), at the training ground.

"Today, I will show you the different forms of combat, because a fight is unpredictable," said Naruto. "If necessary, we must avoid fights, because we are ninjas, but at times, we may not have a choice. For example...Haruka. Come at me with what you have."

Haruka nods and prepares to charge towards Naruto. At that instant, Naruto picks up Zabuza's sword and his students have been replaced by cardboard cutouts of themselves, indicating a very quick escape. A small breeze easily knocked over the replacements.

"I knew I shouldn't have taught them the Kawarimi first," Naruto said to himself.


5 Years and 1 Week later.

In the Hokage's office, Naruto was on the phone.

"Listen, I don't know how our elite Jonins got food poisoning, but you can't simply say that it was my fault, Granny Tsunade!" said Naruto. "Well, time and memory are not fixed constructs in this fanfic, so I doubt anyone would remember it in the next chapter."

Lee's daughter, Miyabi walks into Naruto's office carrying a guitar.

"Naruto-sensei, are we behind in this chapter?"

"Yeah," Naruto looked at his former student. "You got any ideas on how to pass the time and make use of the extra spaces we've been given for this chapter?"

Miyabi notices the guitar she's holding. "I got an idea. How about parodying a songfic by copying a song that has been used in another fanfic by PikaFlash?" asked Miyabi.

Naruto shrugs. "Why not?"

Miyabi plays the guitar in the tune of the song "Complicated" by Avril Lavigne (It's the piano version of "Complicated" played on a guitar.)

"Uh huh, life's like this"
"Uh huh, uh huh, that's the way it is"
"Cause life's like this"
"Uh huh, uh huh that's the way it is"

"My name is Sumilidon,"
"Tell me, what have I done to deserve this?"
"All I am, just a humble pianist"
"What you see is what you get!"
"I'm just a pianist for a show"
"When I'm playing the piano"
"And you're talking to me one on one, you fire me."

A Short Lyrical Edit Later

"Why did his happen, what did I do?"
"You're watching my back like you can't relax"
"You're tryin' to be cool you to make me like a fool"
"Tell me..."

"Why does everything around me became so complicated?"
"I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated"
"Life's like this you"
"And you pound and you smack and you whack"
"And you take what you get and you turn it into my problems"
"And you tell me I'm never gonna find out you did it"
"No no no."

Miyabi finished the song.

"Would that do, Naruto-sensei?"

Naruto looks at his watch. "That should do it. Thanks, Miyabi." Naruto resumed his paperwork.

End of 06