Author's note: Caroline had no idea that the disappearance of one useless vampire would cause such a fuss. And now she has to deal with a suspicious hybrid who might stumble across her even bigger secret...
I had too many ideas for this one, so I'm turning it into a two-parter; can't wait to hear what you think!
"Will you rest upon my little bed?" said the spider to the fly.
"There are pretty curtains drawn around, the sheets are fine and thin,
And if you like to rest awhile, I'll snugly tuck you in."
"O no, no," said the little fly, "for I've often heard it said,
They never, never wake again, who sleep upon your bed."
— The Spider and The Fly, by Mary Howitt
Who knew that biting off a vampire's head was just as effective as staking them? Yet another thing the Twilight movies got wrong, Caroline inwardly scoffed, plucking a stray bit of bloody cartilage from a curved fang. The rest of the vampire's corpse was crumpled on the cave floor, the graying flesh already stinking of decay. From the moment Damon Salvatore oozed into her life, she knew he would be a pain in the ass. Although, she could admit to herself that it was amusing watching him lay on his sleazy lines, obviously confused when they didn't work.
However, once he foolishly tried to compel Caroline, she knew it was time to play along if she wanted to keep up the pretense of being a helpless human.
Damon compelled her to follow him into the narrow alley behind the Mystic Grill. She was careful to keep her face expressionless as she allowed him to toss her against a rough brick wall. He leaned in menacingly, flashing his fangs as black veins crawled underneath his dark eyes. "Stupid, worthless human. Girls like you are only good for a quick grope with my meal."
Caroline inwardly rolled her eyes, wondering if he'd ever learn how to talk around his puny fangs without that ridiculous lisp. Not that it mattered — his fate had been decided the moment he dared to pat her blonde head like she was a Pomeranian. Before he could pull away his hand, she grabbed his wrist, crushing the delicate bones until they felt like gravel underneath her powerful grip. "And useless, ignorant vampires like you are only good for a very painful death when they become MY meal."
The shock on Damon's face was worth every moment she'd been bored pretending to be helpless. "What the hell are you," he asked, a tremor of fear creeping into his voice as he failed to yank away his ruined wrist.
"Something that I intend to keep a secret," Caroline answered, unsheathing her fangs and viciously sinking them into his neck, flooding his veins with toxic venom. His body immediately went rigid with muscle shock as paralysis set in. She stood over his rigid body lying in the dirty alley, enjoying the way his unblinking eyes stared at her with growing horror. "Normally, I'd need to draw out some of my venom to prolong my victim's death, but sleazy vampires like you won't die from my venom right away. Of course, I may just eat you if I get bored."
Licking the last traces of blood from her mouth, she cast a critical eye at the remains at her feet. "Hmm. A headless Damon is a little over five feet," she muttered to herself, "probably will take about 2,000 square feet to wrap him up for a post-dinner snack." Lacing her fingers together, she popped her knuckles with a series of satisfying cracks and then set to work.
Caroline had assumed that a vampire this depraved and yet utterly useless wouldn't be missed. Oops.
It had taken an immense effort not to rip out every strand of the insipid doppelganger's hair when Elena came to her in hysterics the next day. "Damon's missing!"
Caroline pushed aside her rare tenderloin, eying the beautiful cut of meat regretfully, knowing that if she had the staff reheat it later it would be far too cooked for her liking. In reality, she'd have preferred a platter of delightfully chewy millipedes, but suspected that even the dimwitted doppelganger would eventually start asking inconvenient questions.
She gestured toward the empty seat in her booth, her blue eyes wide as she asked with mocking innocence, "Have you checked underneath a helpless girl's skirt? He seems the type for that to be his natural habitat."
A surprised snort caught her attention, and she used her enhanced peripheral vision to catch Klaus, the Original Asshat, sitting at the bar with his usual smirk. He tilted his curly head, raising his glass to her in a mocking toast. Klaus had been an irritating fixture in her life ever since he'd arrived with his plan to use Elena in some overly elaborate ritual to free his werewolf side and become a hybrid. However, if he suspected Caroline wasn't human, he kept it to himself, seemingly more interested in playing cat-and-mouse with the doppelganger and her two Captain Save-a-ho vampires.
And yet he still seemed to notice her. Always favoring her with a contemplative look, a seductive glance, a sly smirk — making it clear that they were long overdue for a conversation. She still wasn't sure how she felt about that, but if he proved too problematic, she supposed she could always eat him.
"Caroline!" Elena's shrill voice interrupted her thoughts as she admonished, "Why would you say that about Damon?!"
She shrugged nonchalantly, answering, "Maybe because he creeps on unsuspecting jailbait?" At Elena's look of confusion, she rolled her eyes, adding, "Come on, Elena, didn't you notice all the times he would stand too close to one of us, or his pervy innuendos, or how he kept trying to get me to leave with him even after all the times I told him I wasn't interested?"
Flustered, Elena tossed back her long, dark hair, huffing, "Damon didn't mean anything by that and you know it!" She leaned closer, hissing, "Besides, it's not like you didn't encourage him!"
Blue eyes narrowed, Caroline could feel her fangs itching to descend as her venom glands filled in preparation for attack. She spied Klaus studying her closely, as though he could see her debating whether Elena's long hair would get caught in her teeth. Groaning inwardly, she decided against pissing off Klaus — for now. But that didn't mean she wasn't going to put the insipid doppelganger in her place.
They'd grown up together along with Bonnie Bennett, never suspecting that each of their families had supernatural legacies to protect. First, Bonnie revealed the Bennett line's impressive magical heritage, and then there was Elena and that doppelganger nonsense. Of course, the Forbes' ancestry had its own complicated secrets, but Caroline had been raised on the ancient rites, and knew better than to reveal such a sacred legacy to her blabbermouth friends when they couldn't even keep their own families' secrets. Besides, they were human; they'd never understand something like her.
"Elena, I get that you're pissed that repressed social conventions in our little town prevent you from a desperately needed group bang with both Salvatore brothers, but maybe dial down the jealous bitch, hmm?" She couldn't stop the grin that spread across her face as Elena let out a choked gasp before leaving the Mystic Grill in a cloud of righteous indignation and cheap perfume.
"Tell me love, do you always talk to your friends that way," Klaus purred, sliding into Elena's empty seat across from Caroline.
She toyed with the end of her straw, an edge to her voice as she replied, "Only when they try to victim-shame me."
Something dangerous flashed in his eyes as he emitted a low growl. "It would be my pleasure to visit a bloody, painful end on that despicable gnat once he's served his purpose."
"I appreciate the offer, but I'll pass; I don't have any interest in getting caught up in vampire business." Tilting her head, she shrewdly asked, "So, the mysterious, almighty Original thinks Damon is useful? Wow, I guess good help really is hard to find these days."
Klaus let out a bark of surprised laughter, his gray eyes twinkling. "You are a delight, sweetheart. I can assure you that it's an extraordinary struggle to summon the energy to care that he's missing. However, he can be a somewhat useful pawn and I take pride in knowing where my chess pieces are at all times."
"Then don't let me keep you," Caroline answered breezily, tossing some cash on the table to pay for her meal.
He grabbed her hand, dimples on display as he told her, "What's the rush, love? You're such an intriguing little minx; I'd like to get to know you better."
As his lips seductively brushed her knuckles, she fought down a pleasurable shiver while pulling back her hand. "Not much to tell. Small-town teenager. Turnoffs include Beliebers, low-fat cheesecake and nosy Originals."
As she turned on her heel to leave the smirking hybrid in her wake, Stefan appeared, his brow furrowed as he said, "I can't find Damon. Have you seen him, Caroline?"
She thought back to all the times Stefan had ignored Damon's predatory behavior, emitting long-suffering sighs about how it was his terrible burden to be the 'moral' brother. Voice full of mocking innocence, she replied, "Not since the last time Damon demonstrated his inability to understand the concept of consent." Enjoying the way Stefan took a step back from her as though she'd slapped him, she smoothly exited the Mystic Grill, feeling a certain Original's curious gaze upon her.
