Chapter Twenty-Six
Do You Even Care?
Lenore set the last of her things in her room down in Snape's quarters in a box. Renee was safely returned home and Randilyn left with her, very begrudgingly. Saul showed up just before the two left and said his goodbyes. After being commended for his stealth, he and Dumbledore discussed something for an hour (which she had spent packing) before he came out, his face serious. He was going to stay in England. Renee was disappointed but the goodbyes were short. Saul was up in her room reading, his room was across the hall from hers.
Snape as moody and avoided people for the rest of the day and he joined them briefly for lunch, where Dumbledore spoke with him quietly before the greasy man locked himself in his lab for the rest of the day. It took Lenore a good fifteen minutes just to gather the courage to go into his rooms and pack her thing. Night had already fallen on the castle and she wondered what would happen over next summer's holidays. Would she have anywhere to go? She had done some research. Being of Elvin blood she would be considered an adult the moment she hit sixteen but she also had wizard blood in her. Which would one would the law go by?
Deep in thought, the raven-haired teenager put the holy jeans on the top of the box, which had already been spelled to be weightless as well as bottomless and walked towards the door. She had changed into a pair of sweats earlier and wanted more than anything to forget the last month and go back to hating Snape. It would have been much easier than the ache she felt at the moment.
Balancing everything she made her way into the living room. She nearly dropped the box when she saw Snape pulling books out of the bookcases and gently placing them in a box. She set the box on the table and waited, not sure exactly what she was waiting for thought.
He didn't even look at her.
"Um," she cleared her throat nervously. "I…uh…I'm done packing."
"I see that." He said snidely.
Lenore looked down. "Are you going somewhere?"
"Did you think that I lived at Hogwarts for the entire summer?"
"The hardness in his voice cut through her like a knife. "I hadn't ever thought about it…" he made a non-committal noise. "Guess I'll be going then." She lifted the box up and turned her back to him, blinking back tears. "Goodbye."
"Goodbye." He said coldly.
A single tear squeezed form her eye. She didn't make it two steps before slamming the box down and whirling around to face him. "Enough!" she shouted.
He looked at her sharply.
She swatted at the tears stepping forward. "I can't do this! You can't just play with my life!"
Snape's face was emotionless.
"We had started to get along! What happened! Am I too much trouble! Or is it that you just despise me too much to keep acting like you care! You separated from mom to save my life! Just as I start to realize that you turn into he bastard I always thought you were! Please! Tell me the truth for once! Did I ever even matter to you! Did you ever even care!"
He didn't answer.
"Did anything that happened ever matter?"
Once again there was a stony silence.
"If I didn't ever matter why bother to even make me think you cared? I hated you from moment one. Is this some sort of sick game you wanted to play?" to her horror even more tears fell down her face.
Still nothing.
"Never mind. You know what, screw this. Screw you. Stay out of my life." She spun around and tore out of the room with her box, her emotions overcoming her.
She only made it up the three steps that would lead her to the castle before she dropped the box down. Tears fell down her face as she sat down, wrapping her arms around her knees. It wasn't fair. She glanced towards the "wall" that blocked Snape's rooms from prying eyes, her insides burning with hurt and despair. Lenore couldn't figure out why Snape still could manage to make her hate him all over again, after everything that had happened. After she had started to care about what he thought of her.
Looking up, Lenore started at the wall for a few seconds before she realized with a surge of self disgust. She was hoping that the Potions Master would come out after her. Sighing heavily, she got to her feet, wiping her wet eyes on her sleeve and turned around. She found herself face-to-face with Snape. She let out a startled cry, leaping backwards. How had he snuck up behind her. Snape's arm shot out and caught her before she flew right off the stairs.
"What are you trying to do! Kill me!" she shouted once she recovered her balance. Her gut hurt with the despair she felt. He was staring at her, his mouth opening to shout an insult at her but nothing came out. They both stared at each other before she spoke softly. "If you never gave a damn about me, why did you run and divorce mom when you found out she was pregnant? You would have been rewarded greatly when he found out what I was." Her breath hitched. "You must have known how important you would have been if you gave me to the Dark Lord. He could have killed you. Why didn't you just hand me over?"
In lieu of answering, Snape put a silent hand on her shoulder and guided her back into the rooms, her box hovering behind them. Lenore numbly sat on the couch, bringing her knees to her chest, struggling against both her emotions and magic. Snape produced a bottle of Calming Draught and told her to take it. She obeyed and her magic calmed but her emotions did not at all.
"Why?" she managed to say.
"You know the reason,"
"No. I don't! I don't understand!"
He turned away from her. "How do you expect me to answer?"
"With the truth!"
Snape hit the wall causing her to jump slightly. "The truth, Lenore! The truth is I didn't want a child! I don't want one now! Having a child during a war is a weakness! I was terrified that the Dark Lord would find out and kill her so I sent her away, claiming no part in your making! The only reason he has not come after you is that he still believes she cheated on me!" A tear ran down Lenore's face. "Part of me hates you because you look like her! Because you're here and she's not!" She bit her lip. "She's not because of me!"
Lenore felt his hatred towards her and himself cut through her. She looked up, rising to her feet. "Mom loved you." She said firmly. "She left because she loved you, whether you were true to the Dark Lord or not."
She suddenly found Snape across the room in a flash, grabbing her by the arm so gruffly she nearly bell backward over the couch. "Do NOT ever say that! Do you understand me! I am not a Death Eater!"
Lenore stared at him. "I always wondered if you would ever hit me."
He released her stepping back, looking disgusted with himself. "I struck you our first dinner together if you recall." Snape walked away from her. He obviously wanted her to go but she wasn't ready yet. She knew that he was wishing silently that he never had gone after her.
"I suppose I deserved it." She said quietly. "But I have every right to speak about it. It affects me too. Whether you like it or not!" Lenore looked down. "I know what it's like to…to regret what you've done." She thought of her hatred towards him. So much time had been wasted due to her stubbornness.
"You could not possibly understand."
"I hated you my entire life." She said causing him to looking at her. "Please don't prove me right in doing so." He didn't answer her. "Do you honestly hate me?"
He didn't answer her at first. "No."
"But,"
"But I will not lie and say that I wish that your mother stood in your place at this moment and that things had been different." She met his eyes. "You are my daughter and I will care for you,"
"Solely because you loved my mother or because you feel some sort of duty to take care of me?" he did not answer her at all. "Do you want to love me at all?" a tear escaped her eye. "If Albus hadn't asked would you have been brought me here?" Silence. She moved towards the door. "You should have just let e hate you. This hurts worse."
"Lenore," she paused from stepping out of his rooms. "Whether you believe it or not I do care about you,"
She looked back at him. "But you wish that I as my mother."
"I wish that you were born after the first war ended."
"And if I was would you have wanted me?"
"Yes."
She blinked in surprise. "Really?"
"I am not in the habit of lying."
Lenore nodded looking down. "What would you have called me?"
"If you had been a boy, Hayden Nicholas, and if you had been a girl, Kira Eileen."
Once again silence swept over them. "Can't you just love me for being here now?" she asked softly walking out the door.
"But I do, Lenore. Why can't I just say that to you?" he whispered before going after her once again. "Lenore." She glanced back. Tears were glistening in her eyes. "Give me those pants, I want to burn them."
She stared at him incredulously before laughing and tossing him the holey jeans. Of all things that was what he stopped her for. He could have the pants. Once she got control of her magic again she just could make some new ones. "Can I…can I still write and ask questions about my mother's journals?"
He stared at her before nodding. "Speak with the Headmaster about my whereabouts."
She nodded again. "All right…goodbye…Severus." She said walking up- the stairs very confused about what had just happened.
"Goodbye Lenore…"
