9 The Problem with Mondo
Mondo has spent a lot of time out in the halls after dark, rarely following the curfew rule. It's not really even technically a hard and fast rule, more a suggestion than anything for the Ultimates. And it doesn't even bother him whatsoever, being out after dark. In fact, he actually prefers it, when the world is quiet and he can just... /exist/, without having to pretend so fucking much. It's just... he doesn't know. Peaceful and shit. If he could bottle up the world when it's like this and have it all the fucking time… shit, man. He'd be a much happier, far less angry person, that's for damn sure.
However, when he glances at the kid as they leave the bathhouse, he can see how nervous the kid— /Taka/— looks at being out in the empty and silent halls. Which honestly makes a lot of fucking sense, ha. He isn't quite sure what is causing Taka's nerves— if it's the fact they're out after curfew, or if it's the fact it's kinda dark— but he knows the kid is nervous about something. And he... he can't help it as he gravitates closer to the boy, his arm wrapping loosely around Taka's warm shoulders, trying to just... fuck. Ground him or something.
He feels Taka jolt the moment that his arm wraps around the kid, but before Mondo can feel worried the kid is actually nervous because of /him/ and the fact that he said he wants to be /kyoudai/ with him when he truly /doesn't/, the kid... he relaxes. Almost immediately, really. And then he's kinda smiling, cheeks pink with embarrassment. God... so cute...
"Heh. Didn't mean ta frighten ya, kyoudai," Mondo mutters in Taka's ear, heat blooming within him as Taka shivers, breath shaky. He doesn't even quite know why he feels so weird inside at Taka's reaction, but it... s-shit, is it kinda fucking nice... and when Taka swallows thickly, it makes the heat increase within him, and Mondo just... s-shit...
"A-ah! I was not afraid! I..." Taka starts, before pausing, clearing his throat awkwardly. It makes Mondo smirk, snickering lightly at the kid's declaration. Fuck, he's so fucking shit at lying... god, it's so fucking adorable... Taka presses on, though, determination bright on his face like always, even with the blush. "Anyway... we should be quiet. It's so late... I'd hate to wake anyone up! Remind me to write us each up detention slips when I get back to my room!"
Mondo gives Taka a weird look, snorting lightly, feeling oddly /fond/. Because, honestly... the rooms are fucking /soundproof/. They could scream at the top of their lungs and not wake anyone. And he really wants to give /himself/ a detention slip...? Fuck, but Taka is so fucking strict about rules... fuck, it's so fucking cute...
"Of fuckin' course yer gonna do that. Ya nerd."
The kid opens his mouth, clearly right about to reply, but he gets interrupted when they reach his dorm room, Taka blinking at the fact that they are already there, seeming to have forgotten that, yeah. The bathhouse is super fucking close to their dorms. Mondo hadn't forgotten, not for a second. But fuck... does he not want to go... not now, not when they finally... finally made up... but...
"Uh... guess this is where we say goodnight, yeah?" Mondo mutters in the kid's ear, disappointment thick in the words. It causes the boy to shiver again, the sensation so fucking nice as it radiates through Mondo's body. God, he doesn't want to leave the kid now... especially since he's still kinda freaked from how lifeless he'd looked earlier, still so concerned about his new kyoudai...
"A-ah... y-yes. I suppose so..." Taka replies, sounding just as soft and just as disappointed. It... it's wild to think the kid is /disappointed/ to part from him, but... but god... god...
Silence echoes around them as they stand together, his arm still tight around the kid's warm shoulders. Fuck, but he's still so warm, warmer than he should be. He... fuck. What if something happens in the middle of the night, and the kid gets fucking hurt? What if he's not actually better, he just /thinks/ he's better, but he's actually not, not at all? And what if, because someone isn't there to watch him overnight, isn't there to ensure he's okay, he... he fucking /dies, dies, dies like Daiya, dies like everyone dies, leaves Mondo alone again, so fucking alone, oh, god, oh god-!/
Before he can stop himself, he feels his arm tighten around the kid, heart clenching so fucking bad. He looks at Taka with wide ass eyes, so fucking freaked out at the thought of leaving him now, of fucking /abandoning him/ and having something awful happen when Mondo isn't there to protect him, and he... he can't help the words he blurts out, he can't... he /can't/...
"Ya wanna... shit. Ya wanna sleep over?!"
Oh, fuck, that sounded so fucking stupid! 'Sleep over,' fuck, what are they, twelve-year-old chicks?! And why... why the fuck would the kid wanna sleep over with him, w-why would he ever feel /safe/ sleeping over in Mondo's fucking room?! In Mondo's fucking /bed/?! Yeah, they're kyoudai, b-but Mondo has been so fucking awful to him before, so why- why would the kid feel /safer/ with him?! Oh, fuck... f-fuck-!
As he sees the kid's wide ass eyes, looking so fucking startled and unnerved, Mondo knows he has to fix this, to let the kid go to his room while Mondo will just... he doesn't know. Stay up all night, worried about the fucking kid...? Shit. Shit. /Shit/.
"Y'ain't gotta! Heh, s-shit, I was just-! Uh-!"
Mondo's face feels so fucking hot, his cheeks likely bright red, and the only consolation is that it's dark as fuck, so hopefully the kid can't see his embarrassment. The kid still looks freaked, though, and Mondo realizes then that his arm is still around Taka's shoulder and he just- shit, the kid prolly doesn't want that, god... yeah, he said he wants to be Mondo's bro, but- but he can't want that shit! He... he...
Mondo removes his arm quickly, not ever wanting to, but knowing he can't be fucking /selfish/, not with Taka. If he... if he wants them to be close, to be proper /kyoudai/, he... he'll have to /earn it/. To prove himself. To show Taka that he might, possibly, be /worth/ the kid's precious as fuck trust. He... he doesn't know how he'll be able to do it, if such a thing is possible for him to do, but he... god he wants to try. To be /close/ to this amazing kid. To be allowed to be close...
Before he can move away fully, though, and tell the kid goodnight, tearing his body away from Taka's side where he now knows he always wants to be for the rest of his fucking /life/, fuck, he... he hears the kid speak. Words quick and frantic, /desperate/, in the most heart stopping of ways...
"Y-yes! I would love to! Hahaha!"
Mondo can't help how he stares at the kid, eyes as wide as the kid's, before he laughs, a little too loud. He... he knows how kind the kid is, knows he's prolly just being nice and saying he wants to in order to make Mondo feel better, but... but, as freaked as he still is, he can't find it in him to deny it or try and get the kid to see reason, shit...
"Haha! Great! Let's, uh! Get in!"
Before he can talk himself out of it, he feels his legs moving him towards his room, right next door. He plunges his hand in his pocket and takes out his keycard, which he must have removed from the locker at some point, shit, he doesn't fucking remember. It's all starting to blur together, fuck. But it doesn't matter, not at all, so he puts it out of his mind as he presses the card to his door, the thing unlocking automatically. He rushes inside, his movements feeling jerky and wrong, so fucking /nervous/ for some reason, shit. He's fighting so hard to not let that nervousness turn to anger, though. God, he doesn't wanna get angry and ruin this shit. Not... not again... not /now/, when he has the shot of something so fucking good and nice...
He pauses right before he enters his room entirely, though, looking back at Taka, cheeks oddly warm still. He sees that Taka is still standing outside his room, looking almost shellshocked, which concerns him. Fuck... is he- he having second thoughts? He... he should ask...
"W-well? Ya comin'?"
That seems to jolt the kid out of his fugue, the kid bright red, face full of nerves, but he follows anyway, entering after Mondo into his room.
S-shit... he feels so fucking nervous... fuck. With a sheepish smile, he looks at the boy, stomach churning with all the emotion within him.
"Heh, shit. Dunno why I'm so fuckin' nervous. We're bros, right? Bros sleep together all the time. Shit," he mutters absently, talking more to himself than the kid. And it is true; it's not like this is the first time he's slept next to someone. He and Daiya would sleep in the same bed all the fucking time when he'd been young. At first it was so Daiya could make sure their da wasn't gonna sneak into his room in the middle of the night to beat the shit out of him when Daiya was sleeping, like what happened once when he'd been... shit, four? He doesn't even fucking remember, it all blurs together in his head.
Once their da left, though, it was mostly just... comfort. To make themselves feel secure that the other was safe and all. And then, when they had their gang, it was cheaper to buy a single bed motel room than a double, sometimes, so sharing was only natural. Shit, Mondo has even shared with some of the guys in the gang before, like Michi or some of the other elite guard. It just... it doesn't fucking matter, right? It's just sleeping in a bed together, nothing weird or gay about it, as long as you don't make it weird.
And yet... as he thinks about it, sharing a bed with his new /kyoudai/, it... shit. It makes him feel so fucking weird inside. His stomach wriggling up a storm. And it ain't fucking butterflies, he knows it can't be, even if it kinda feels like that, but it... it's weird and he doesn't know if he likes it or not.
He does his best to ignore it as he walks through the room, though, turning the lamp on to let the room flood with gentle yellow light. It... it doesn't fucking matter, okay? He and Taka are brothers now. They don't gotta be all awkward around each other. And while, yeah, Mondo /does/ feel kinda awkward, he knows he's gotta shove it down for Taka's sake. The kid has never had a brother before, never even had a fucking /friend/, so he... he needs someone who is experienced and confident to help guide him. If Mondo is uncertain or indecisive, how the fuck will the kid be able to follow his lead? Shit. Mondo is a fucking /leader/, and he knows that the leader always has to be confident, even if he has no fucking idea what he's doing. Confidence is fucking /key/ in leadership. Make a decision, stick with it. That's what fucking matters. That's what Daiya always told him.
And he's made this decision. To be Taka's big bro. To be the /best fucking big bro he can be/. He will help Taka with his insecurities. He will help him stop seeing himself as a burden or whatever and make him realize how fucking /incredible/ he is. That... that's what big bros do. And that's what /he/ will do. No matter what...
Still... when he glances back at Taka, the action unbidden, he feels so fucking nervous as he sees the kid looking at the trash Mondo has been letting gather on the floor to make the room seem less clinical, a small frown on his face. He can feel his face heat up again as he looks, unwillingly remembering the 'fight' they'd had earlier that week when the kid had absently offered to help Mondo clean up his room, during one of the times they'd been doing better and he'd told the kid to come in with him to wait while he got his shit for their tutoring session.
And he... he'd gotten so fucking pissed at the kid for the words, telling himself the kid was making fun of him or something for being so messy. He knows now (and had known then, even though he'd tried to ignore it) that Taka had just been trying to be helpful, like always, and he feels so fucking /ashamed/ for the way he'd acted, goddamn. The kid had even fucking /apologized/ for the fight, even though it hadn't been his fault at all, god... shit, he's gotta fix this shit, make it right, fuck... he's the big bro now, and big bros always right their fucking wrongs... always...
"Aw, shit... fergot it was such a mess... heh. I can. Uh... clean it up, don't worry..." he mutters, bending down to pick the trash up, hands twitching with his nerves. The nervousness and unease is rising as he tries to clean the messy as shit room, and he does his best to make it go away, clenching his jaw to see if that helps. He just... god, he wants to be a good fucking brother, the /best/ fucking brother, but how the fuck can he be kyoudai with this perfect fucking kid when he's such a fucking /fuck up who can't even handle his room being clean without freaking out at the clinical and prestigious as fuck room-/
Mondo starts when he feels a gentle hand touch his shoulder, eyes wide when he looks up at the softly smiling kid that he'd not even heard move, holy shit. He... he never lets people sneak up on him, always so fucking aware of his surroundings, but... but with Taka he hadn't... hadn't even noticed... like he didn't even subconsciously think the kid was a threat... g-god...
"Kyoudai... it's okay! I don't mind! Maybe tomorrow... maybe tomorrow, after class, we can clean it up together? But for now, we should probably sleep... it's after midnight, after all!"
God... the kid looks so fucking earnest and honest and... shit. Shit. /Shit/, Mondo doesn't fucking deserve him, oh god, he so fucking doesn't. But he... he has to curb that feeling. Push it away. Maybe he doesn't deserve him, but the kid doesn't see that, and he- he's gotta do all he can to /make/ the kid realize that. By... by building him up, helping him realize how amazing he is. And then... then, once he has better self-esteem and realizes that, yeah, Mondo is so fucking unworthy, /then/ he'll leave. But... but maybe that won't happen for a while. And he... he can make the most of the time they have, before... before he... s-shit...
Feeling awkward, he clears his throat and nods tightly. He drops the trash he'd been collecting on the ground, knowing he prolly shouldn't but just... shit. He forces out a short laugh, hoping it doesn't sound too fucking unnatural, but it prolly does. Shit... why the fuck is he so fucking nervous...
"Yeah... yer right. Fuck. So goddamn nervous... been a while since I had anyone sleep over," he admits, raising his hand to rub his neck, like he often does when nervous. He notices Taka smiling at him gently, looking so fucking fond, god...
"Well... I've never slept over before! So, you've got one over on me! Aha... but..." Taka pauses, frowning softly, making Mondo's nerves flare, fuck. "Are we allowed to do this? The rules say-"
"The rules say we gotta sleep in a dorm," Mondo interrupts before the kid can even get the rule out, smirking as the protest he's been expecting this whole fucking time is finally made. But he knows the rules for this, shit. While the kid may think he doesn't know the rules, he does, actually. It's why he breaks half of them, since most are really fucking stupid, shit. "An', last time I checked, this is a dorm. Rules ain't say shit 'bout /whose/ dorm ya sleep in. S'long as it ain't a chick in a dude's dorm, or shit like that. We're two bros. It's cool."
Taka hesitates for a moment, before nodding. He then looks around the floor, looking confused, before he starts moving some of the trash over, even though he legit /just/ said they would do it in the morning. What... the fuck...
"Uh... bro, what're ya doin'? I thought ya said we'd clean it in the mornin'?"
The kid looks up with wide eyes, before frowning when he sees that Mondo is frowning. And he... he's looking at Mondo like /Mondo/ is the weird one... the fuck...?
"I'm... clearing a space? For me to sleep in? Is that... wrong?"
He... Taka thinks Mondo would fucking... make him sleep on the floor...? What the fuck? Does he really thing Mondo is that big of a douchebag as to make him sleep on the floor...? Mondo gives the kid a weird look, shaking his head slowly.
"Uh... yeah? Shit, I thought we'd just, ya know. Share the bed. It ain't exactly small. Plus, we're bros! I used ta sleep with my bro all the time. Ain't nothin' weird 'bout it..."
The look Taka gives him makes him feel like he's missing something. Is... there ain't nothing weird about sleeping with a bro... right? Right! There fucking ain't! Even if y'ain't related, a bro is a fucking bro! But, like... if Taka has a problem with it, then... s-shit...
But then Taka starts nodding, almost frantic, his smile strained and his cheeks red. Uh... shit...
"Right! Of course! My mistake! Like I said, I've never... never slept over before! Aha!"
Mondo keeps staring at Taka for a little while, trying to detect a lie or not. It didn't sound like he was lying, but he... he sounds kinda nervous...? Shit... maybe he does have a problem with it, sleeping in Mondo's bed... fuck. Or maybe he's just nervous since he ain't ever done this shit before, and he's a nervous fucking person by nature. Ugh, how can he fucking tell?! Is he nervous about sleeping over because he's never done it before, or because he doesn't fucking feel safe /sleeping in Mondo's fucking bed/?!
He doesn't know, he just... doesn't fucking know. But, ya know what? He can't let Taka know that. He- he's the big bro. The fucking /leader/. And he started this shit. He invited Taka to sleep over, to sleep in his bed, so he's gotta keep going with this. If the kid protests, if he tells him outright that he doesn't wanna do it, then, shit. He'll fucking /stop/ and they'll go from there. But for now... he's just gonna keep going. Pretend it's all good and maybe... fuck. Maybe it will become good, who the fuck knows...
Fake it 'til ya /fucking/ make it, is he right?
Honestly... all he knows for certain is that he doesn't want Taka sleeping alone tonight, not after earlier. If he ends up having to sleep on the fucking floor (since like hell is he making the kid sleep on the floor, especially when this was his fucking idea), then he fucking will. They can try sharing first, and if Taka finds he really can't fucking stand it, then fine. He's slept in worse fucking places. Like behind a dumpster once, during the months he'd been technically homeless after Daiya... ya know. Shit, was /that/ uncomfortable. And disgusting. But... fuck. He doesn't know. This is all new territory to him. Being the older brother is fucking hard, shit...
But this is what he decided to do, so he's gotta stick with it. He's just gotta fucking... stick with it. Fuck...
With that decided, Mondo finally looks away, clearing his throat as he does his best to move the fuck on.
"Shit, uh. Sure. Whatever. Don't make it weird, dude. Anyway... I'm gonna, uh. Take a shower. Make yerself comfortable," he mutters, before heading to his clean clothes basket (that he never put away, because fuck that shit) to grab a tank top and a pair of boxers. With that done, he then heads into the bathroom, leaving Taka standing there to stare after him with his wide ass eyes. It- it's prolly better to just... give them time to cool down and be apart to process everything since this is just... g-god... so fucking much...
As soon as the door is shut, Mondo finds himself leaning back against it, letting out a shaky breath he's been holding for far too fucking long. As he stands there, staring blankly at the floor, everything that just occurred washes over him, his breath speeding up despite himself. Shit. Shit. Just... /shit/. Shit! What the goddamn /fuck/ is even happening right now?! Fuck!
Okay. Okay, okay, /okay/. So. Process. /List it out, kid. Like Daiya fucking taught you.../
1. He and Taka had an endurance challenge.
2. Taka got super fucking sick and started rambling the saddest fucking shit he's ever heard.
3. He got super fucking freaked out and tapped out of the contest to take care of Taka.
4. Somehow, over the course of taking care of the kid, they somehow became fucking /kyoudai/ and are fucking /brothers/ now, despite barely tolerating one another not even a few hours before.
And 5. He invited the kid to sleep over in his room, in his fucking /bed/, and that's just... a thing that's gonna happen now.
Okay.
Makes sense.
Bringing his hands up, Mondo buries his face within them, taking several deep, even breaths to try and push everything away. His bro always told him to do this shit when it all got too much and his head got all stupid. When the fucking /panic/ started rising, making him want to give up and cry in the corner. He... he can't do that shit, can't give up, not anymore, not now. /Especially/ not now that he is Taka's big bro. He... he's the one who's gotta protect now. He can't be the protector when his head is all screwy, now can he?
So... he doesn't know what is going on. He's so fucking lost and part of him is so fucking overwhelmed. Just hours ago, he'd forced himself to believe he hated the kid, afraid of the softness he felt for him, but now... now he can't do that anymore. He fucking /can't/. And now... fuck. Now, he's allowing himself to feel /so fucking much/ for this amazing fucking kid, things he's never felt for anyone else ever before, and he... he's gotta find a way to deal without Taka knowing how fucked up he feels inside. He /can't/ let the kid know he's uncertain about this. He's gotta be in charge, and he has to pretend he knows what he's doing. It... it'll be like when he first took over the gang, on his own for the first fucking time. He'd been absolutely fucking /terrified/, hating himself and the world and just... everything. Goddamn /everything/.
But he'd promised Daiya he'd lead the gang, keep them together, so he'd forced that shit down. So far down that he couldn't even /think/ about it, let alone feel it. He'd kept moving, kept going, and he didn't let the fear or insecurity catch up. He was the biggest and baddest motherfucker around, and big, bad motherfuckers don't get /scared/. They just... don't.
Daiya never did.
Or, if he did... he sure as fuck never let Mondo know about it.
Shit.
So, that's what he's gotta do now. Force the fear and other fucking nonsense away and focus on helping Taka. Taka... he's all that matters now. Not Mondo and his fucking bullshit. Not Mondo and his fucking /fear/. Taka... god. Taka is so, so important. If there is one thing Mondo /knows/, it's that. The rest... it will fall in line.
Fake it. 'Til you. Fucking. /Make it/.
With that settled, it's easier to breathe. The panic starts to fade as his breath evens out, and he knows he will be able to do this. After all... Taka is worth it. So, so fucking worth it. He doesn't quite know /why/ he is, just... that he is.
And that's all that fucking matters.
Sighing softly, Mondo pushes against the door and stands straight, heading to the shower to get that shit over with. He shirks his clothes off as he goes, the fucking glasses he honestly forgot he was wearing getting tossed carelessly on the counter, not really caring what happens to them.
It doesn't take long once he's undressed to get to the shower, his body as bare as the day he was fucking born, shit. While part of him wants to take a nice long shower today, to reset his fucking brain, he doesn't think that would be a good fucking idea at the moment. Taka... Taka shouldn't be alone for too long.
But... as he gets into the shower, the water not as hot as he usually has it, since his skin is still so overheated, he... he can't help how he hardens, the water so fucking nice on his back, fuck. Shit, he's been partially hard for a while now, his dick so fucking confused at the feel of- shit, not important. But... god, is he tense as shit. Even with his decision to take care of Taka above all else, pushing aside his uncertainty and /fear/, the tension from the past several hours is still rife inside him. And he... shit. He knows what the best way to relieve fucking tension is...
It feels almost /wrong/ though. To... to jerk off when his new bro is in the other room. And... shit, he sometimes had to do that shit when he and Daiya were sharing, jerking in the shitty motel showers, and it wasn't really a problem since shit ain't awkward unless you make it awkward, like his bro always said, but... shit. This just feels /different/, somehow. Just... kinda /wrong/. Taka's just too fucking innocent, god... fuck...
But... well. There ain't nothing for it. He's tense as shit, and he knows how to make it go away. If he wants to be able to help Taka without the kid knowing something is up... then he's gotta do it. Especially if they're gonna be sharing a bed. He'll be quick, won't tease himself like he usually likes to do. Just a quick, clinical, /silent/ jerking off. Easy.
Breathing evenly, Mondo presses his left arm against the shower wall, like he always has done, resting his forehead against the tile, letting the warm water flow oh so pleasantly down his back. With a slightly shaky hand, he reaches down and he grabs his dick, moaning softly at the spike of pleasure he feels, biting his lip to keep it stifled.
Unfortunately, biting his lip makes him think /immediately/ of Taka, which is so fucking wrong he doesn't even wanna /think/ about that shit. Pushing the kid firmly out of his mind, he goes to his most filthy fantasies, the ones that always make him cum so fucking fast. Ones that would shame him if he ever took the time to think about them when he ain't horny as shit.
And it works. He has to bite his tongue (not his lip, holy /shit/ not his lip) to keep the noises in, his hand fast and frenzied as he does his best to cum as fast as fucking possible. He can feel it coming (heh) after only a handful of minutes, his breath ragged as he thinks of huge fucking tits and of him absolutely railing three fucking chicks at the same fucking time, one after the fucking other, kinky ass bondage and shit in play because why the fuck not, it's his fucking fantasy. It's so fucking good, makes him ache so fucking much as he longs to just /release/, god. Usually he likes going slower, testing his endurance, but tonight it's gotta be quick and messy. He's so glad he's had years of practice forcing himself to be quiet unless he wanted Daiya to mock the fuck out of him, so that he can stay relatively silent now, despite how he longs to moan up a storm.
Soon, sooner than he normally likes but there's nothing for it today, he feels his release wash over him, his throat letting out a soft, broken moan as his body shakes with the force, the tension draining from his bones completely as he expels fucking /everything/, fuck. God, this shit is so fucking good...
(And if one of the chicks he'd been imagining had bright, passionate, scarlet red eyes, and another had spiky, short, jet black hair, and the third had rough and bitten lips, well. Well. It don't mean a goddamn thing. Can't fucking help what you imagine while jerking off, the brain doesn't work when you have your hand on your dick. So, it... it don't mean a goddamn thing. 'Sides, that gambler chick also has red eyes and jet-black hair, and while she's kinda terrifying, she's hot, too. So... so, yeah. Yeah. Whatever.)
(Of course, her eyes fucking suck, hold no fucking passion at all, and her hair is fucking long, and she doesn't bite her lips, but that don't mean shit. It... it fucking /don't/.)
Now that the tension inside him is cut, he can feel his shoulders loosening fully, a lazy smile rising on his lips. He pushes all thoughts that don't fucking matter out of his head and he focuses on getting clean, doing his nightly hair routine to keep his locks maintained and shit. Some people find it weird he spends so much goddamn time and effort on his hair and appearance, but it just... it just fucking /matters/, okay? You can't fucking lead if you don't look the part. Who wants to follow a lazy slob who doesn't even put any effort into how he looks? Fucking /no one/, that's who. Don't make him gay or shit. Fuck.
The routine doesn't take too long, at least, and soon he's shutting off the water, stepping out of the shower, grabbing his towel, and drying himself off. He heads to his messy as shit counter and grabs a hair tie that he keeps there, putting the bleached hair up while keeping the natural hair down, to help with it drying evenly. He then grabs his toothbrush and quickly brushes his teeth, not caring about his fucking nudity, don't fucking matter.
Once he's done, he grabs the night clothes he'd picked out and tugs them on. It's one of his tank tops and a pair of boxer shorts, his usual fare. He will admit that he'd briefly considered grabbing a pair of the sweatpants he uses during the colder months, just... /because/, but it's honestly not that cold tonight. Not inside the heated school, at least. And it's not like it fucking matters if he's wearing pants or not, shit. Just as long as he has his boxers, it's fucking fine.
Once he's done dressing, he pauses for a minute, breathing slowly. Okay. This... this is okay. He and Taka, it... it's /okay/. He doesn't know what is going on, or what would be best when dealing with the kid, but he has a plan, a /decision/, so he's gotta follow through with it. Even if it falls apart, he has to commit. Real men commit once they start something, Daiya always fucking told him that shit. This shit with Taka, it... it matters, it's important, /Taka/ is important, and he has to make sure the kid realizes just how important he is. Even if it takes the rest of his goddamn life, he /will/ do this. He'd made a man's promise, after all, and he doesn't make those lightly. He means every promise he makes, and he means these promises most of all. No matter what happens... he just has to pretend he knows what he's doing and hope the kid can learn to trust him enough to follow his lead. Just... god, he hopes the kid can learn to trust him... hopes he's worthy of having that trust... fuck.
With that in mind, he heads back to the counter and picks up the fucking glasses, kinda hating them, but also kinda liking them, too. They... they remind him of Taka, after all. Since he doesn't know what else to do with them, he puts them on his face, blinking as he tries to tell the difference between before and now. It... he guesses it does look a bit crisper, now. And as he leans in close in the mirror, his face doesn't go all blurry like it used to. Huh. Neat, he guesses.
He turns from the mirror pretty quick, though, knowing his /kyoudai/ (god, he's still not over the fact the kid actually /wants/ to be his kyoudai, shit) is waiting for him.
Opening the door to his room, he steps out and looks around, wondering what the kid decided to do while he was in the bathroom. Did he decide to head to bed on his own since he looked so fucking exhausted? Did he decide to ignore his exhaustion and clean the room like the nerd he is? Did he decide to bail entirely and leave Mondo's fucking ass? The possibilities are fucking endless.
And yet... as he looks around, he spots Taka sitting in the wooden chair before the desk he's never used, staring intently at the floor. His back is rigid, and his frown is intense. He... fuck. He honestly looks kinda angry, but Mondo has been around the kid often enough over the past few weeks that he thinks he's just concentrating, thinking hard, not... ya know. Angry and shit. He always looks like that in class after all, his eyebrows furrowed and lips pulled down in the most intense fucking frown when thinking over a particularly challenging problem. That had made Mondo originally think he hated the work or something, which he fucking understands, god. But then, after a few moments, the kid would usually smile brightly once he figured that shit out, eyes practically sparkling as he wrote down whatever correct answer he came up with, looking so self-satisfied and adorable, shit. Not that... that Mondo has been staring at him /that much/, shit! He just... kid does it all the time, alright?! Not weird that he's fucking noticed, shit...
Still. It's kinda weird that he's doing it now... right? The fuck is he thinking about so deeply that he doesn't even notice Mondo approaching him? He's usually so fucking observant, aware of his surroundings and all that... shit... he hopes the kid is okay and not still feeling the effects of earlier... f-fuck...
"Uh... kyoudai? You, uh... you okay?" Mondo says softly, words almost hesitant as he looks at the kid, not wanting to startle him, but knowing he has to say /something/ to make sure he's okay.
Unfortunately, it seems the kid was so deep in thought that even his soft words startle him greatly. Taka's eyes go so fucking wide then, and he just... /spasms/, falling off the chair and onto the ground, where he lets out a painful sounding 'oof'. Oh shit!
"Taka! Shit, y'okay?! The fuck, man?!" he finds himself shouting, running the last meter between them as he kneels down, hands hovering over the kid anxiously. The kid opens his mouth as he looks up at him, prolly about to explain what the fuck just happened, before he just... fucking /freezes/. Like, straight up, full on freezes up, his eyes wide and breath punching out of his chest, his face so red it can't be healthy, looking so fucking startled it's honestly concerning. Oh, shit... he didn't hit his head did he...?! He didn't see him do that, but he looks so fucking dazed, oh shit...
"Shit, Taka, speak ta me, man. Did ya hit yer head?" he questions, feeling so fucking freaked the longer the kid just fucking /stares/ at him. His eyes aren't glazed, and they look pretty fucking sharp as they dart around Mondo's face, but- but still.
When the kid /still/ doesn't reply after a moment, he can't help how he reaches forward and gently checks Taka's head for any lumps or bumps, just to be safe. He goes carefully, not wanting to hurt the boy if he /did/ hurt himself somehow. After a moment of this, the kid jolts up, speaking at last. Fucking /finally/, shit...
"I- I'm fine! Hahaha! I was just- nothing! Haha! Fell! Clumsy me! HAHAHAHAHA-!"
Oh, holy shit! The fuck...? Taka is laughing almost /hysterically/, body shaking with... something, fuck. He... he's starting to get scared again, fuck... is the kid okay?
"Uh... dude, are ya... shit. Are ya actu'ly okay? I'm like... seriously gettin' concerned... y'ain't still feelin' woozy from earlier, are ya? Shit, /should/ I take ya ta that nurse? Taka-"
"N-no!" Taka interrupts, looking like he's about to fucking pass out, shit. His breath is starting to quicken, eyes darting around, and he's shaking pretty fucking hard. Mondo can feel that his skin is still warm, but it's not unbearably so like earlier, so he doesn't think the kid is still too hot. Shit, it's prolly just warm 'cuz he's so flushed. Is that- is that dangerous...? Shit, he doesn't know...
Mondo feels confused and so fucking concerned as he watches the kid freak out, wondering what's wrong, why he's acting like this, when he... when it suddenly /clicks/. And he realizes that he actually does know why the kid is acting like this, why he looks so fucking /scared/. Or... he doesn't know /why/, what is causing it, but he knows what this is. What the symptoms mean.
Taka is having a fucking /panic attack/, shit.
As he realizes this, he can feel some of the tension and fear that had been building in him release, fuck. Don't get him wrong, panic attacks are no fucking joke, but he... he knows panic attacks. Knows /what to do/ during one. After all, he'd get them sometimes as a kid (and he still gets them, sometimes, shit), the panic making him all stupid and scared, especially after a nightmare or something. But his... his bro always helped him out when he got like that. Taught him the breathing technique he'd used earlier, which would help ground him. He doesn't know the psychology behind it, not like Daiya did, but he knows that grounding yourself helps when panicking.
It... it's been a while since he needed Daiya to help him with that shit, since he can do it himself now (not like he has any choice, these days), but he... he still remembers the sort of things his bro would do back then. He'd speak to him softly, with a calm voice, telling him that he was okay, that he was just panicking, and that he had to breathe. He'd then breathe over-exaggeratedly, giving Mondo the ability to follow along easily, without worrying about what he meant to /breathe/. Sometimes Daiya would rub his back, or press their foreheads together, or other soothing shit like that, depending on the severity of the attack.
And... and with the reminder that he actually /knows what the fuck he's doing, for once/, it's easy to push aside his own overwhelming worry as he focuses on helping Taka. Like... like Daiya would do for him...
"Hey. Breathe, kyoudai, breathe. Yer panickin'. Ain't a big deal, we can handle this. Deep breaths... that's it, Kiyo, ya got this... breathe with me, okay, let's do this together..."
He can feel the kid doing as he asked, his breathing slowly following the pattern that Mondo forces himself to do. He counts five seconds as he inhales, and then five seconds as he exhales, the kid doing his best to breathe the same way. It's hard at first, Taka's breathing falling out of alignment a lot, but Mondo just softly corrects him, smiling as gently as he can, hoping he's being soothing. He allows his hand to lower from the kid's head to his back, rubbing gentle circles, not wanting to do too much and scare the kid again but knowing he's gotta do something.
Finally, after a couple of minutes, the kid is able to breathe normally again, his eyes no longer swimming with anxiety. Good. Fucking... good.
"Ya feelin' better, kyoudai?" Mondo mutters softly, his head tilted in question as he looks at the kid with all the worry in his heart. He sees the kid flush, but then he's nodding slowly, smiling a shaky smile. God...
"Y-yes, k-kyoudai! I... I'm sorry, I don't... I don't know what came over me..."
Something about the words rub him wrong, his stomach clenching with them. He... Taka doesn't have to apologize. Not... not for this. Not for /anything/, ever. He... he's okay. He's alright. Mondo... god. Mondo doesn't mind doing this, it- it was actually kinda /nice/, being able to help someone else for once. It... it makes him feel selfish for feeling that way, but... it's true...
Shaking his head sharply, Mondo scowls softly, not wanting Taka to ever think he's bothering him. Not ever.
"Hey, what'd I say 'bout apologizin' ta me? Y'ain't gotta do it, bro. Not 'bout things like this. We're brothers. Brothers take care a' each other. When I was young, I'd get like that sometimes, ya know. My head would get all jumbled and it'd be hard ta think. Daiya, my bro, he'd help calm me down, like I did ta ya. So... don't worry 'bout it, 'kay? I'm happy ta help my bro. Now, why don't ya take a quick shower, huh? Know it's late, but I find a warm shower can help shake those bad thoughts loose. Y'ain't gotta, but... I dunno, heh..."
Mondo feels his cheeks heat, and he feels kinda nervous. He... he hadn't really meant to share about his brother and his own panic attacks, not really, but he... he doesn't really mind. Not at all, actually. Not when it's Taka he's telling the stories to. God... part of him wants to tell this kid fucking everything... all the secrets he holds inside... he knows he can't, knows it wouldn't be fair, but god does he want to...
Before he can over think this anymore, the kid is smiling shakily and giving him a stiff nodding, standing on somewhat wobbly legs. Mondo stands as well, holding his hands out to make sure the kid doesn't fall down again. When he sees that Taka is actually pretty stable, he backs off, knowing the kid prolly needs some space, as fragile as he's gotta be feeling. Panic attacks are a fucking /bitch/ to deal with, and leave you feeling so goddamn drained afterwards. At least Taka's panic attack seemed like a minor one. That... that's good.
He watches as the kid walks over to the bathroom then, not saying a word more, making him think the kid will prolly take a shower, which is good. Showers have always helped ground him after his panicking. And shit, maybe he can relieve some of the overwhelming tension he holds within his body at all fucking times while he's in there. Mondo has never met a person so tightly wound as his fucking kyoudai is, and now that they are friends, it's honestly worrying him a bit. But shit, that's a battle for another day. And he really shouldn't be thinking of Taka and the ways he could be /relieving tension/ while alone (and /naked/) in Mondo's fucking shower, thanks.
Shaking the stupid fucking thoughts away, he watches as the kid moves through the room, movements jerky and kinda stiff. When the kid is halfway to the bathroom, Mondo realizes suddenly that he doesn't have any night clothes here to change into, does he? And like hell can the kid sleep in his uncomfortable as shit looking uniform, it affronts Mondo to even think of him doing that shit. Plus, Taka definitely seems like the kinda person who wouldn't wanna put on dirty clothes after showering, not if he can help it. With that in mind, he wanders over to his clean clothes basket and grabs a tank top and a pair of boxer shorts. The kid is a bit smaller than him, but it should still fit... yeah?
It's as the kid reaches the bathroom door that he freezes, seeming to realize something, grimace light on his face. Hm... Mondo wonders what the fuck it could /possibly/ be that's giving him pause... he smirks lightly as he balls up the clothes, eyes like lasers on the kid's back. Oh, he has a feeling he knows what the kid's objection is. And as the kid opens his mouth and lets the words out, Mondo feels honest to god /glee/ rise inside him, holy shit. It... it's been a long, long while since he felt shit like that... god, does it feel /nice/, though...
"A-ah... I don't have anything to change into... t-that's fine! I can just shower in the morning-"
The boy abruptly stops talking when he gets hit in the face with the clothes Mondo fucking lobs at his head. Ha. He may not be the Ultimate Baseball Star like Leon, but fuck, he has good aim. And as the kid raises his arms up and takes the clothes off his head, Mondo watches with mounting anticipation as the kid processes what he's seeing. And when he does...
"U-underwear?!"
Oh, /god/! Fucking god! It- it's so fucking /funny/! The kid looks so fucking /offended/ and disgusted that he can't help the loud as shit laugh that escapes his lips, something about the look so fucking hilarious to him. He... he just looks so fucking /cute/, all offended like that, dear god!
"BWAHAHAHA! Ya should see yer face! Ahahaha! Ya look like I just threw shit at ya! Hahahaha!" he guffaws, tears gathering in his eyes. He can see the kid's face is switching rapidly between the disgust, mild annoyance, and absolute /fondness/, making Mondo's heart beat faster in his chest. F-fuck...
It takes him a moment, but eventually he is able to calm himself down, the boisterous laughter fading into nothing. But he's still grinning, so large he can feel his eyes squint with it, larger than it's been in the longest fucking time. Only... only Taka can make him smile like this... /laugh/ like this... Mondo isn't a depressed dude, he's not that bad off, but he... he hadn't realized how long it's been since he felt genuinely /happy/ before meeting and befriending Taka. God...
"They're clean, ya nerd. Somethin' fer ya ta change inta. I ain't an idiot, ya know, I thought 'bout it. Yer a little smaller than me, but they should fit ya decently. Now go on. Shower."
With a bright fucking blush, the kid nods once, sharply, before fleeing into the bathroom, not saying a word more. Heh. He... god. How often can he think the kid is cute in a fucking day? God, he feels like such a pussy, but... whatever. Taka's worth it. Worth all of it...
With the kid gone into the bathroom, Mondo is given some time to himself again, which is kinda nice, kinda nerve-racking. He still feels concern for the kid, everything that occurred earlier making him wonder if he's doing the right thing or not. Yeah, he's made this decision and he's gonna /fucking stay with it/, but... fuck. /Is/ this the right way to go about this? Or is he just making everything worse? God, he doesn't know, and he /hates/ not knowing.
Ugh. But there's nothing for it. He has no other plan of attack, so he just... he has to keep going. And just hope this all works out...
Sighing softly, Mondo walks over to his bed, wanting to lie down and get settled in while he waits for Taka, feeling so fucking tired. Before he can even sit, though, his eyes catch something on his desk, something he'd tossed there carelessly earlier, like he always does. Scowling, he glares at the stupid fucking book that Teach assigned them to read, fucking /Fahrenheit 451/. Shit, he can tell that shit was written by an American based on the stupid ass temperature used in the title. And he doesn't hate America or anything, watches a lot of shows and movies made in America, shit, but fuck can they be pretentious bastards.
But... uggghhhh. He has to fucking read that shit, don't he? Taka has been reading it to him carefully this last week, both of them taking care to not grow too comfortable during those particular sessions, but now that he has his glasses, it should be fine for him to read by himself. And it... it might be good to see if the glasses /do/ actually work and make reading easier. Part of him still thinks it's fucking bullshit, that nothing is gonna fix the blurry shit, but... well. Can't know until he tries, right?
Despite not really wanting to, Mondo grabs the book and settles down on the bed, flipping it casually open to the page Taka had left off at during their last tutoring session. He doesn't hold out any hope that it will be any clearer than usual, but it doesn't hurt to at least give it a try. Who knows, maybe he'll be pleasantly surprised or something. Doubtful, but who knows.
However... as he looks at the page, eyes just glancing it briefly, he... he is fucking /astonished/ to see that it- it ain't fucking blurry! Not even a little! Holy fucking /shit/! Holy shit!
Every kanji, every line, it... it's fucking /clear as day/, and Mondo is able to actually /read the fucking words/ without his head aching like usual. Or, well. His head still aches, since this book is dry as fuck and makes no sense, but it ain't because the words are blurry anymore! He actually finds himself greedily reading the words on the page, not even minding too much that it's dull as shit and makes no goddamn sense, just so glad that he can actually fucking /read it for once/, god.
He... fuck. He always thought it was a failing on his part that he'd been unable to read like everyone else. You know? That he was just too stupid or lacked enough determination to push passed the blurry shit like everyone else could. He... he'd never mentioned the blurriness to Daiya, not thinking it would matter, since he'd been convinced that everyone had blurry eyesight when they looked up close at things, and he'd not wanted to sound even stupider than he felt.
But... god. To think that all along, it /wasn't his fucking fault/. That yeah, there was something wrong with him, but it didn't have anything to do with his intelligence or shit like that. It was that his fucking /eyes/ were just... so fucking shit. But the doc (and later Taka, who is so, so much better at explaining shit, no fucking joke) had explained that it was just that his eyes don't curve enough, making the close up shit blurry, while the far away shit is fine. He doesn't quite get it, but if it means that it /ain't his fucking fault he could never fucking read/, then... s-shit.
Maybe he's not as fucking stupid as he always feared himself to be... yeah, he's prolly never gonna be fucking Einstein, but his biggest problem with school has always been that he couldn't fucking read the texts his teachers assigned him. Daiya would always read it for him and relay the important information back, but his bro couldn't do that shit when Mondo had been in class and had been assigned an in-class assignment. And once- once Daiya was /gone/, he had no way of knowing what any of his textbooks said, god. Not without a huge fucking struggle and headache, at least, and he didn't care enough to deal with that shit.
But now...
Now he can read this shit. And if he can read /this/ shit, maybe... maybe he can read other shit too. Like- like his textbooks. And the homework assignments. And... all of it. All of /fucking/ it.
And now, for the first time... prolly /ever/... Mondo can feel some hint of excitement fill him at the thought of schoolwork. He's sure the novelty will wear off soon, the dull monotony that school is wearing him down quick, but he still wants to try here at Hope's Peak. To, ya know... not fucking fail like he always fucking fails. And now that he might have a chance to actually /do that shit/, he... he can't help the giddy excitement that rises within him at the thought.
Mondo finds himself strangely getting lost in the book, even though he still hates it, but it just... it's nice to be able to read for once. As such, he kind of loses track of time, and only realizes that time has even passed when he hears the door to the bathroom creak open. Mondo looks up at the sound, realizing Taka must be done, then, feeling suddenly excited to show him that he's actually /reading/, oddly proud of such a basic thing, shit. It may sound stupid as shit but considering the struggles he and Taka have gone through with his tutoring over the past couple weeks, yeah, it's kind of a big deal, shit.
However, before he can even open his mouth to say anything, he feels himself freeze in place for a full fucking moment, heart clenching so fucking strangely when he sees Taka standing there, eyes wide, hair damp and down for once, /wearing Mondo's fucking clothes/-
Holy shit.
But that reaction is stupid as shit and /not fucking helpful, dear fucking god./
Pushing /down/ the stupid as fuck reaction his body wants to have to the sight he is met with, he does his best to smile softly. He then remembers what he'd wanted to say to Taka and holds up the book in his hands like a little fucking /kid/, showing his bro something that he did right or shit like that. God, he's turning into such a wimp... he really should care about that more than he seems to...
"Oh, hey. Ya took less time than I thought ya would. Figured I'd pass the time readin' some more a' this stupid ass book, ya know? Ya were right, though! 'S a lot easier ta read now! Ha!"
Mondo can feel himself grinning like an idiot, the kid staring at him with a stupefied look on his face, making his insides roil again, shit. Luckily, the kid shakes himself out of it real quick, smiling shakily as he nods with enthusiasm. Oh, fuck... Mondo is not equipped to handle this fucking kid, not with how fucking /adorable/ he is... it's a good thing they're brothers, or else he'd have to be pushing away a lot more thoughts, like he used to, shit...
"A-ah...! I'm! Glad! That they're working out for you! Aha!"
Ugh, god! Why is he so fucking cute?! And so fucking dorky, but god, is that not a bad thing... it should be, but it /ain't/, and if Mondo weren't firmly ignoring shit like this now, it would freak him the fuck out, god.
He can't help the smirk on his face, though. Or the fondness in his eyes. Fuck...
"Yer such a dork, kyoudai. Now come on, get yer ass over here. I'm beat an' I know yer the type ta wake stupidly early, so we should try an' get as much sleep as we can. Turn off the light 'fore ya get in, would ya?"
He does his best to sound as casual as possible, not wanting to freak the kid out any more than he already is. He also thinks it might help Taka to have solid direction, telling him exactly what Mondo wants him to do. He's always asking questions in class, wanting more assistance in figuring out how to do shit properly, so Mondo thinks that Taka is the kinda guy who likes to be told exactly what to do and when to do it, no ambiguity or shit.
It seems to work, as the kid jolts himself after a moment and marches over to the bed, shutting off the lamp as he goes, the room turning dark, but not pitch black, since Mondo likes to keep his curtain open a tiny crack to let the lights from outside flood in a little. Just so he doesn't bump into shit when he needs to piss in the middle of the night, ya know. It's helpful here since he's still able to see Taka as the kid climbs into the bed, looking so fucking stiff, shit.
As soon as the kid is in the bed, he lies as stiff and awkward as possible, so much so that Mondo can almost feel the tension in his own body. He waits for the kid to settle down, listening for the sound of his breathing evening out, closing his own eyes to try and see if he can fall asleep himself. He is super fucking tired, shit...
However, no matter how much time passes, the kid doesn't relax. He just stays as rigid and stiff as ever, like he's a marble statue or something, Jesus Christ. Mondo doesn't know how long this goes on, but after a little bit, he realizes this ain't gonna fix itself.
Finally, having enough, Mondo lets out a soft sigh and shifts so he can turn his head towards Taka, one eye open as he stares at him.
"Dude. Relax, would ya? Can't fuckin' sleep with ya stiff as a fuckin' board," he mumbles, hoping to not sound accusatory. But he is very tired and kinda sleepy, so he isn't sure how well he succeeds. He sees Taka look over at him, eyes wide, looking very fucking nervous. Shit. Shit. God fucking dammit...
"A-ah! I- I'm sorry, I'm just-!" Taka says, his voice way too fucking loud, anxiety rife within it. Mondo sighs again and shifts so he's on his side, lifting his body up with one arm so he can look at Taka easier. And... shit. The kid looks so fucking scared. God... dammit. This is exactly what he's been wanting to avoid... god he's so fucking /stupid/...
"Ya nervous 'bout sleepin' in another dude's bed? Or 'bout sleepin' in my bed? Which one?" he questions, feeling annoyed with himself for having put the poor kid in this situation. Fuck, 'course he's nervous. He mentioned before that he's never done this sorta thing! Not to mention that they've not exactly had the best relationship before today, fuck. Goddamnit, Mondo has to find a way to fix this, and now... fuck...
"N-neither!" Taka lies badly, making Mondo growl at him softly. Not out of anger or anything, just... enough to get the kid to stop lying and just tell him what's wrong so he can fix it. If it's the fact he's never slept with a dude and is nervous, Mondo can fix that by assuaging his fears about it being gay or shit. And if it's about sleeping with /Mondo/... well. There's always the fucking floor. He feels the kid flinch at the growl, though, which makes him feel a little bad, especially when he sees Taka look down at the comforter, opening and closing his hands like a nervous kid or something. Fuck... "Nnnn... alright. I- I guess both. B-but! It's just because I've... I've never done this before, kyoudai! I don't want to mess up and make you hate me again!"
What?! That's what he's nervous about?! Shit! He- he thought they fixed this shit already! He... he thought he'd made it clear that he doesn't hate him and that he would do literally anything for this kid... and he means /anything/...
"What?!" Mondo growls, shooting upright, accidentally glaring down at the kid on the bed. He doesn't mean to, he's not mad at the kid, he's just... angry with /himself/, ya know? That he's fucking this whole thing up so badly. Daiya was always such a good big bro, knowing exactly what to say and what to do to make Mondo feel so fucking good about himself... not like him, shit, who can't even get his bro to realize that he doesn't hate him and never fucking has. He can feel and see Taka cower away from him, just proving how /shit/ he is. God... and now he's gotta fix /this/ shit, too. Goddamnit...
"Kiyo, ain't a goddamn thing ya could do ta make me hate ya! Like I told ya, I ain't never hated ya! What could ya possibly do in yer sleep ta make me hate ya at all?!"
The kid looks up at him then, eyes so fucking wide, hesitating visibly, making Mondo think he's not going to reply. But, after a moment... the kid does.
"I- I just...! I don't know, kyoudai! Just... I..." Taka bites his lip, looking down at his hands again, looking so fucking sad, f-fuck... "I... a-ah. It's been a while since I last shared a bed with anyone, b-but I know that I can get a bit... er... /cuddly/ in my sleep! And I didn't want to make you uncomfortable! I'm so sorry!"
Holy shit. /That's/ the kid's problem?! Ha! Hahaha! Hahahahahaha! Mondo feels so fucking relieved to hear the kid say that, it's not even funny! The laugh is bursting out before he can even consciously think about it, so fucking /relieved/ that /that/ is Taka's problem, shit... god, it's such an easy fix...
"BWAHAHAHA! Is /that/ what yer worried 'bout, Taka?!" Mondo guffaws, the laugh loud and boisterous again, kinda fucking annoying, but hey, ya can't choose your laugh. It really is a good thing these rooms are soundproof, though, heh. He had a feeling fucking /Togami/ wouldn't like being woken at ass'o'clock by his stupid as fuck laugh...
"H-hey! I- I..." he hears the kid protest after a moment, though, his voice weak and quiet, cutting to the heart of Mondo. It shuts the helpless laughter up, and he looks down at the boy with a sheepish smile, feeling so goddamn fond, god... he's so amazing, holy shit...
"Shit, didn't mean ta laugh at ya, ya dork. Just... ain't somethin' ya gotta worry 'bout, dude. It happens, ya know? In fact, if it worries ya that much, here-" Mondo states, before he starts moving, laying back down and shuffling around the bed, getting in position to do what he's about to do. Some rational part of his brain is screaming at him /not/ to do this, saying it will make it all worse, but honestly...? He's so fucking tired and this just... seems like a good fucking idea, shit. Once he's lying on his back, he grabs out to the kid, pulling him as gently as he can to bring the kid to his side.
"Ah! M-Mondo!" Taka exclaims, his body struggling as he fights Mondo's movements. It's a little annoying, so he growls softly, more warning than anything.
"Quit thrashin', I ain't gonna hurt ya," he murmurs, forcing his hands to be even gentler, adjusting the kid's gangly fucking limbs. The kid may be kinda short, but he's gangly as fuck, goddamn... at least he's not fighting any more, limply going along with Mondo's movements without any complaint. Thank fuck... it goes quicker now that Taka isn't fighting him, and before long, they are lying on the bed, Mondo on his back (he's not the biggest fan of sleeping on his back, but he can do it easy enough) with Taka lying easily on his chest, Mondo's arm wrapped tight around the kid's waist.
It... it's honestly a bit closer than he usually sleeps with anyone, especially not on purpose, but he... he wants the kid to know that it's /okay/, right? That they are kyoudai, and that it's not bad for them to be close like this. That it's not gay, not weird, not... anything /bad/. It's just... being close. To his brother. His /kyoudai/.
(Of course, he has to resolutely ignore the heat that is blooming inside him, his entire body singing at the closeness to another body. It... god, it feels so good, holding onto another person like this. Holding onto /Taka/ like this. He's so warm and pliant, so... so incredible, g-god... he's always secretly longed to hold someone at night, pressing them tight to his chest and being able to feel them against him, god. He never thought he'd get to feel it, though. Certainly not with this incredible fucking boy...)
"A-ah!" the kid exclaims, his body going stiff once he realizes what, exactly, Mondo had been doing. It makes his heart clench so fucking hard, hating that this... that the kid doesn't seem to feel the same way that Mondo does... f-fuck. But- but he has to keep going and do his best to make this seem normal. So that Taka realizes that /it's okay/. If... if that's the problem Taka has with this whole thing... and if it ain't... well. Well. They'll burn that bridge /if/ they get to it.
"Shut up, dude. Seriously, it ain't a big fuckin' deal. Bros do this sorta shit all the time," Mondo murmurs softly in Taka's ear, tightening his arm around the kid's waist, safe and secure. It makes Mondo feel so fucking calm inside to feel Taka next to him, but... but it seems Taka doesn't feel the same. Not if the stiff and rigid way he's holding himself is anything to go by...
Mondo sighs yet again, before saying 'fuck it' and moving his hand to the kid's back, rubbing small, soothing circles. He... he's still hoping that this is just that Taka is nervous, not that he doesn't wanna sleep beside him since he's /afraid/ of Mondo. And as he rubs his back, the kid does seem to relax a bit, but he keeps stiffening back up after a moment, again and again, like he wants to relax but he just... can't... god. Dammit. Alright... he's done all he can. This is the last thing he can try— still going with the vain hope that it's the kid being nervous in general and not because he's regretting agreeing to be Mondo's /kyoudai/— and if it doesn't work, then it's the fucking floor for him, shit...
"Shh, hey. L-look. If it bothers ya that much, I can sleep on the floor. I, uh… I'll be honest, I asked ya ta stay over 'cuz I didn't want ya alone, not after earlier. Not when y'ain't a hundred percent. But I don't wanna make ya uncomfortable. An' I know this ain't exactly somethin' yer used ta. I've slept in worse places than the floor, I'll be fine. Just... this really ain't a big deal, alright? Not ta me. It don't bother me a bit. But I get it if y'ain't the same. Yer an only, yeah? No sibs? Ya don't know what it's like. Don't worry, though, I'll teach ya. Just... ain't gotta happen all at once."
He makes his voice go as soft as it possible can, trying so fucking hard to be soothing and shit. And he... he feels as the kid relaxes a little. Not much, but... a little... god, please...
"N-no... i-it's okay, k-kyoudai... I'm just... nervous... it's my first time, after all..." Taka mutters softly, his cheeks so red Mondo can see it so clearly even despite the dark. Taka then buries his face in Mondo's chest, breathing deep and even, n-/nuzzling/ gently. H-holy... holy shit... doing his best to not get all tongue tied, he replies, hoping to all that is holy that he won't mess this shit up.
"Y'ain't got nothing ta be nervous 'bout, Kiyo. I've got ya. An' I'll take good care a' ya, okay? Ya don't gotta be afraid... I'm here..."
The kid relaxes entirely at the words, /snuggling/ closer as he lets out a soft, shaky breath. Mondo's heart is doing a full-on gymnastics routine as the kid relaxes against him, his own breath getting a bit shaky and shallow as he feels that overwhelming and yet utterly incredible boy rest against him.
"T-thank you, kyoudai... I'm so... so happy to have you..."
The words were soft and slurred, the kid sounding so fucking exhausted. The boy shuffles even /closer/, then, and Mondo can't help how he shifts to allow it, his other arm coming up to wrap around him. H-holding him. Like they're... they're hugging. F-fuck...
"Yeah. Y-yeah. Me... uh, me too. Now, get some sleep, kyoudai. We can deal with the rest a' this shit come mornin'. But now, ya can rest. I'll keep ya safe. Y'ain't ever gotta be afraid again, Taka... I've got ya now. And I ain't... I ain't gonna let you go... I won't fail you... promise..."
He can tell the kid doesn't quite hear him, since halfway through the sentence, the kid starts falling asleep. And by the end of it, he's fast asleep, breath even and easy, all tension drained from his body entirely, the loosest Mondo has ever seen the uptight kid be. And it... god it's incredible... feeling Taka loose and pliant against him, soft breath fanning over his partially exposed collar bone... shit. He's never felt anything so incredible before. Not ever. He... he feels so fucking relaxed inside as he feels the kid against him, /trusting/ him, in a way no one has ever trusted him before. It seems his hope had been right, then. Taka had been nervous since he's never done this before and was uncertain about how it all was gonna go. Not... not because of Mondo. Or that he was nervous about sleeping beside Mondo... shit.
As he looks down at the kid, he can't help the words he says, even though he knows Taka is sleeping and can't hear him. Shit... maybe he says it /because/ the kid is sleeping and he can't hear him.
Either way, he leans down and, quiet as he can, says the words directly in his new kyoudai's ear. A promise he means with all his heart.
"I know I fuck up a lot, Taka. I fuck up everything I do. But... but I promise I won't fuck this up. Not this. This... this matters, man. You matter. So goddamn much. I don't know why, but... but you do. And I won't fail you. I promise, Kiyo. I... I ain't gonna mess this shit up. You're so fucking important and I... shit. I ain't gonna fuck this up. I won't. I fucking /won't/. Not... not ever."
The kid makes a soft snuffling sound, then, sounding happy and content as he curls his fist up in Mondo's tank top, nestling further against him, his warm as sin legs tangling beautifully with Mondo's, the slide of skin making him fucking /ache/. H-holy shit... fuck. It's a good fucking thing he jerked it before coming to bed, holy fucking shit... dude don't gotta be gay to react to the feel of a warm body pressing tight to him, shit. Especially one as built and slender as Taka's, fuck...
Mondo stays like that for several long minutes, listening to Taka as he breathes, reveling in the feel of holding someone at night. After a while, he feels his eyes start to drift shut, exhaustion overcoming him, feeling more comfortable than he ever fucking has. God... for the past month and a half, he has absolutely despised this bed, hating how soft it is, how ridiculously over the top. He could barely sleep while in it, tossing and turning for hours until he finally fucking zonked out. And yet... and yet, now here he is, so fucking comfortable and at ease, all because /Taka/ is sleeping beside him. Atop him. It's... god. He doesn't even have words for how amazing this feels.
Right before he manages to drift off, far faster than he ever has before, he absently wishes that they could do this shit every night. God... how incredible would that be...
(Bonus)
Mondo wakes abruptly from sleep, like he always has done and likely always will do. He doesn't remember his dream, which means it prolly was a nightmare. The way his heart is beating fast gives evidence to that thought, his breath shaky despite himself. Even though he fucking hates it, he gets nightmares a lot. Memories of past trauma, imaginings of possible new trauma... stupid goddamn bullshit that he hates with all his fucking heart but can't figure out how to push away. The only consolation he has is that the memories of the nightmares don't tend to stick with him for too long. Sometimes they do, but more often than not he doesn't remember them come morning, just knows he had one based on the fucking /fear/ he feels.
Letting out a soft sigh, Mondo moves to get up and do push-ups, like he always does after a nightmare, only to find himself pinned in place. What the...
Mondo feels himself stiffen immediately, his mind suddenly alert and racing a mile a minute as he wonders what the fuck is going on, wondering why the fuck he's being restrained, the fear rife within him. He... he's always hated feeling trapped without knowing what the fuck is going on, shit...
However, as he wakes up more and more, he... he notices the sound of soft breathing echoing silently through the quiet room. The sound makes him even more anxious, honestly, but then he feels the warmth that is pressing against his side, the soft puffs of breath fanning over his collarbone, which should be weird, should make him angry and scared, but for some reason it just... /doesn't/, and that's fucking weird, ain't it? As he thinks quick, his mind waking more and more as sleep fades from him, making connections, he...
Suddenly, he remembers the previous night. What happened. /Who/ is currently in his bed. And why. This knowledge makes him relax instantly, realizing that he's okay. That he's actually much, much more than okay, holy shit...
As he hears the kid let out a soft noise, /snuggling/ closer, he can't help the way his heart stops in his chest, everything clenching within him.
Holy. Fucking. /Shit/.
Taka... Taka is sleeping against him, pressed so tight to him they might as well be one fucking person. And... and Taka is his fucking /kyoudai/ now, the person he is going to be closest to. The person he will spend all his free time with, the person who... who is the absolute most important. The person he can be gentle and kind with, because... because it's /okay/. With Taka, it's okay. It... it's all okay...
And god... does he want that. The closeness. The ability to be fucking /soft/ with this boy. And- and yeah, it does kinda freak him out when he thinks on it too hard, his breathing growing ragged as the boy slumbers peacefully on, his insides so fucking fucked up at it all, but... shit.
It doesn't fucking matter.
It doesn't /matter/, god. None of it matters, not as long as he's got this precious and incredible boy in his arms. Holding him; /hugging/ him. Being his big bro and keeping him safe from all possible harm. That... that's what matters. Not the fucking nonsense that's making his head all stupid or shit like that. Just... just Taka. And maybe that shit ain't /healthy/, putting Taka above all else, but... fuck, man! It ain't like Mondo has ever had healthy coping mechanisms for anything, ever... and, honestly? Taking care of Taka sure as fuck beats driving so fucking fast and reckless that he ain't sure if he's actually gonna make it to whatever non-destination he has in mind.
Plus it's just... nice. Holding the kid. Being beside him. Feeling his warmth and his steady breathing. And... and seeing him like this. Soft and relaxed and pliant. Not all tense like he always is. Not... not worried about so many fucking different things. God... god, this is just /nice/.
Mondo doesn't know how long he lies there holding Taka in his arms, watching the kid as he sleeps (yes, he's being creepy as fuck, /no/, he doesn't fucking care) before he feels the kid start shifting subtly, making soft noises as he burrows deeper in Mondo's warmth. Mondo doesn't mind it, allows it easily, and he can tell the kid is waking up because his breathing gets a little less even than it had been in sleep. With a fond smile, he leans down a little and whispers in the kid's ear, delighting in the way he shudders, the motion radiating down Mondo's entire body oh, so pleasantly.
"Mornin', kyoudai," he whispers, feeling so very, very content. God... how the fuck can this actually be his life...
"M-Mondo..." the kid mutters sleepily back, sounding- s-sounding /content/ and shit. F-fuck... god, this feels so fucking good... the fuck did he do in life to deserve this wonderful boy...? He can't help how he chuckles, the laugh soft and quiet in the still morning air. He's just... god. /Happy/. It's early as shit, not that he doesn't usually wake early due to nightmares and shit, and he's never felt so fucking happy before. God...
However, he can tell the exact moment the kid fully wakes and realizes the shit Mondo himself had slowly realized as he'd woken that morning. It makes his heart clench softly, and he tightens his arms around the kid, hoping to make him feel better about this, god.
"Shhh... shh, Kiyo, it's okay... relax, bro, it's okay," he rumbles softly, nuzzling the kid gently as he goes. And he doesn't know why he keeps calling him that, by the way. The nickname he gave the kid spur of the moment in the sauna. But... but he... well. He kinda likes it. Something just for /them/. They can have Taka as his everyday name, and- and /Kiyo/ as his special, Mondo only name. If... if the kid wants that, heh.
But he pushes those thoughts out of his head when he feels Taka relax against him, still looking so fucking tired. It's only 6:17, they have a little time until Taka usually wakes (6:30, he thinks he recalls the kid saying once a little while ago), so the kid can sleep a bit more if he wants. Mondo will make sure to wake him when it's time to get up. He has to look after the kid, after all. It's his job as big bro.
"Yeah, that's better. We gotta get up soon. 'S almost 6:30. Ya wake up 'round then, yeah? Recall ya mentionin' that a bit ago, heh. But we got some time. Rest. I'll wake ya when it's time ta get up, don't worry."
With that said, the kid relaxes fully again, snuggling down into Mondo's arms again, not saying anything else. Not that any words are needed, really. Mondo lets him, offering no protest (like he'd ever protest this shit, god), feeling so very content as he holds his amazing and precious as fuck kyoudai. He even finds himself fucking /humming/ as he holds the kid, some English lullaby his bro used to sing for him when he'd been young to help him sleep.
It's so fucking nice, being here. Holding Taka. Feeling his breath, soft and even, as it puffs out against his breast, goosebumps all over his skin. Watching him as he dozes, still so soft and pliant and just... /amazing/. Precious. /Everything, fucking everything./
There is no one on this planet who matters more to Mondo more than this kid, now. He is Mondo's whole fucking world, and it should scare the shit out of him, and it /does/, it so fucking does, but... it don't matter. He's said it before, and he'll say it again, because it doesn't. Matter. Not at all, really.
When Mondo notices that the clock on the wall says 6:29, the time Taka will have to wake and head back to his room to prepare for the day looming closer and closer, he... he can't help how he tightens his arms around the kid, strangely reluctant to ever, /ever/ let go. He knows he was always going to have to, eventually, but he... god, he doesn't want to. Taka... Taka means the world to him, now, and it's gonna be torture being apart from him, even a little. And he has to, would never /dream/ of keeping this kid from his goals and plans and dreams, but he... shit. Shit. Shit.
For now, things are good. Who knows what the fuck will happen later? Later today, tomorrow, next week, next month, next /year/. Who knows if Mondo will be able to keep from fucking this up like he so desperately wants, or if he- he will /fail/, like he always fucking fails. He hopes he won't, hopes he'll be good enough to hold onto this, but... fuck. Just... fuck.
But, his point is... that shit will come later. The long term. The knowledge that this can't fucking last. That... that is a problem for Future Mondo. Present Mondo, though? He can just worry about Taka and about being the best fucking big bro he can possibly be.
And that? Is fucking that.
