16 The Problem with Mondo

Mondo stands outside the Algebra classroom, feeling both bored and also a little (okay, a /lot/) concerned. And it's not worries about how well he did or didn't do on that fucking exam that are troubling him.

It's been about five days since he and Taka went out on their sunset ride slash picnic, and Mondo is no longer able to deny that he is worried as fuck about his kyoudai. At first, he tried his best to ignore it. Right? He kept telling himself that Taka would tell him if he was upset, that he wouldn't be passive aggressive, or stupid enough to try and handle everything on his own. If he wanted to stop being friends, he comforted himself, then he'd just fucking man up and /say it/, right? He wouldn't keep dragging this out, giving Mondo so much fucking /hope/, only to dash it in the end… right…?

But that was back on Monday. This… this is Thursday. And Mondo has been trying all fucking /week/ to get through to the kid, to get him to fucking talk to him, and it's like pulling fucking teeth! The kid is cagey, and squirrelly, and every time he thinks he's gotten through to the kid, he gets all shifty again. Mondo has tried fucking /everything/ to calm the kid down, but he is at his fucking wits end! He truly fucking is, dear fucking /god/.

He'd be able to accept it if the kid just didn't want to be his friend anymore. Right? He's not a fucking child; he can handle rejection like a man. If it was just that Taka was upset with him and didn't want to be his friend, then he'd be able to accept it. Oh, don't get him wrong, it would fucking /hurt/. It would feel like he'd been stabbed in the gut and left to bleed out miserably on the side of the road. But… he'd accept it and let Taka move the fuck on, without making a big deal of it. He would! He promises!

The problem is, he has no idea if that is what Taka wants or not. All week he has been 'lethargic' and slow, his eyes dim even as he smiled. There was a distance in those eyes that he'd not seen the two weeks before, and he has no idea what it means. Is it… normal? Does the kid always get like this? Is he mad at Mondo? Is he upset by something? Is this all in Mondo's head and he's officially going batshit crazy?!

He doesn't know! He straight up doesn't know and it fucking /hurts/. Because at the end of the day, no matter the reason why, Taka is /hurting/. So very clearly is he hurting. The kid can be an absolute open book on certain things, and Mondo can see how hurt he is, even if he is doing all he can to hide it. But Mondo's not a fucking idiot, alright? Not about things like this. He can see the pain in Taka's eyes. He can see the distance and the unhappiness. He can see the way he keeps stiffening up when Mondo touches him, or how he'll shuffle subtly away. It's fucking /agony/ and Mondo has no idea what to fucking do!

Part of him wants to confront Taka. Right? To call him out on his behavior and finish this once and for all. Mondo can feel the anger rising inside of him and part of him longs to just fucking /let it out/. To let loose on the kid and just get this frustration out. Obviously, he doesn't have to say why that would be the worst fucking idea, but what else can he do? He sucks at emotional talks, okay? He sucks at being caring and kind and gentle and shit like that. If he tried to talk to Taka about all of this, chances are he'd fuck up and make Taka feel even worse about everything, and he doesn't want that! He doesn't!

He just… he wants things to go back to how they were. At first. When he and Taka worked well, and they didn't have to struggle just to talk. When Taka would smile at him with so much fucking /joy/, like Mondo mattered. Like Mondo was important. When he could touch Taka without wondering if the kid didn't want him to touch him, without wondering if he's fucking everything up. When… when he and Taka just fucking /worked/. No need for words or descriptions or… or anything. They just fucking /worked/ and things were fucking /good/.

He ruined that, though. With his anger. With his rage. With his supposed fucking /homophobia/, but he ain't fucking homophobic! He… he even fucking apologized for the slur he called Taka. A couple days ago. It had been awkward, and Mondo had felt a strange lump in his throat the entire time, but Taka had just smiled at him and said he already knew and that he didn't hold it against him, but if that's the case then /why/? Why the fuck is Taka acting like this? Why the fuck is Taka so distant? If he truly doesn't hold the things that he said against him… then why is Taka so fucking distant now?

Maybe it has nothing to do with him. Maybe it has everything to do with something else. That's a possibility, one that Mondo has entertained many times. But… if that's true. If that's true and it's something completely unrelated to Mondo… then… then /why/ won't Taka just talk to him about it? Does Taka think he'll get mad? Does Taka think that Mondo wouldn't fucking /care/? Does Taka not trust Mondo, even though he says he does, with his fucking /life/? He doesn't know! Mondo has no fucking clue, and this is driving him insane! He just… he doesn't…

Mondo blinks back the liquid in his eyes and takes several deep, even breaths. He watches with dull eyes as Hina and Sakura exit the classroom, smiling kindly at him. They don't approach him, but he gets it. He's been tense all fucking week, and he knows the others have noticed. He and Leon haven't been hanging out much because of it, the musician seeming reluctant to hang out with him when he's been so prone to snapping. The only person he hides his tension from is Taka, since he sure as hell doesn't want to make Taka feel even worse about this all. But with everyone else, Mondo has been short and taciturn, his unhappiness at /Taka's/ unhappiness plain for the world to fucking see. So, it doesn't surprise him that Sakura and Hina are avoiding him. He gets it. He's never been good company, after all. Christ only know why Taka hasn't dropped his ass like it's hot yet. Maybe he will soon. Maybe he fucking deserves it. Who fucking knows.

He just… he doesn't want this to end. Not now. Not yet. And… and that's the worst part about it all. He's always known it would end eventually, right? He has no hope of holding on to Taka for any extended period of time. Losing him… it was always inevitable, and he shouldn't be letting it get to him so fucking bad. He wants the best for Taka, and if the best for Taka is for him to stay the hell away from Mondo? Then that's what he wants! He just wants Taka to be happy. With or without him. He does, he promises, he ain't fucking lying!

But…

But…

But… it still hurts. So fucking /bad/, does it hurt. It's like he's tearing his heart out, like he's tearing off a fucking limb. Especially because he doesn't even know /why/. He doesn't know why Taka is doing this, or if he's even mad, or- or anything! He doesn't know anything and it fucking /hurts/. God, does it fucking hurt. He's trying so hard to act normal around Taka, to be what Taka needs, but how can he when he's hurting so bad inside? How can he when he feels like he's fucking dying?

And he knows. Okay? He knows he's being dramatic and stupid and shit like that. But he can't help it. Because Taka is fucking /everything to him/, and he doesn't know how to make this shit better. How to take Taka's fears away and soothe him. How to make him see that Mondo wants to change for /him/, for only ever him. He… he…

Mondo shoves everything down when he sees movement from the doorway of the classroom, his heart racing as he sees a familiar black curtain of hair atop a familiar pale face. His heart aches when he sees that Taka has a blank expression on his face, when he sees how the kid is looking carefully /not at him/, but he… he fucking ignores it. If Taka doesn't want to be his friend, then the kid better fucking /say it/, right? Mondo isn't gonna allow the kid to give him the cold shoulder and make him end this shit. If Taka doesn't wanna be friends, it's gotta be /him/ who breaks this shit. Mondo can't spend the rest of his life regretting ruining shit with Taka. Not when he doesn't know if that's even what's wrong with the kid. Swallowing down the bile that keeps rising in his throat, he forces a smile on his lips, and he calls out to the one person alive that means a goddamn thing to him.

"Hey! Kyoudai!"

Ignoring the stab of absolute pain that radiates through him when he sees Taka's strained smile, Mondo pushes off against the wall and heads over to the kid, hoping the smile on his lips looks natural and happy. He's always been good at masking his pain when he needs to, even though he fucking hates it, so he thinks he's successful.

"Shit, man, almost thought I missed ya or somethin'. Sure took a while ta clear all yer stuff up. Y'okay, Taka?"

Mondo keeps asking the kid that question. Every day, multiple times a day. Like a fucking /echo/. And every time, the kid always answers the same. He always says-

"I'm okay! I just wanted to make sure my things were put away properly, that is all! How did the exam go for you, kyoudai?!"

Like fucking clockwork.

The worst part is… he can't really detect a lie. The kid is a super bad liar, right? His voice wavers horribly when he lies, and he always has some obvious tells. Like… he will look down to the left when he's lying, every time. Or he'll bite his lip. Or he'll avoid looking at him entirely, something that he's usually pretty good at doing in other situations. Point is, he has a lot of fucking tells that Mondo can pick up on super fucking easily.

But now… he doesn't do a single one. He doesn't look away. He doesn't let his voice waver (too much, but his voice often wavers a little, even when he's telling the truth). He doesn't get all shifty. He just smiles and look enthusiastic and guileless and all the shit he usually does when he's happy and telling the truth.

/And yet/…

Mondo cannot escape the idea that Taka is /lying to him/. He doesn't even quite know what it is that clues him into this, other than he knows the kid pretty well by now. There's just… a distance, he supposes. In Taka's eyes. Some small hint of resistance that makes Mondo think that Taka is being untruthful. It drives him up the wall because he doesn't even know how to fucking describe it. Or explain why he thinks it. He can't call Taka out on it, either, since that would make it worse! He… fuck, he hates this, but what is he supposed to do? What the /fuck/ is he supposed to do?

Pushing down the unease, Mondo continues to smile widely at his kyoudai and continues to pretend that nothing is wrong. Fake it 'til ya fucking make it.

Wrapping an arm around Taka, he smiles down at him with all the affection in his heart and focuses on the question the kid asked. How did the exam go for him? Well…

"Fuckin' good! Shit, man. Think I may have passed it, never fuckin' thought I'd feel like that. Yer help... shit. It worked, man. Yer such a fuckin' genius, kyoudai. Fuckin' incredible."

The kid gets a pinched look on his face at the words, and Mondo has no idea why. The look is gone as soon as it comes, and Mondo is left to wonder if he is going insane. Maybe he's just seeing shit. Maybe Taka is fucking /fine/ and Mondo is going crazy. Maybe… fucking maybe.

He would doubt it, though. Especially with how brittle the kid's laugh sounds, his lips spread up in a smile, but it has something tense about it. Mondo would bet his baby that something is seriously bugging the kid. The kid bumps into him playfully but it just… it all feels /wrong/, and Mondo has no idea how, just that it fucking does. Okay?

"I'm glad it helped! It's what I'm here for!"

Swallowing down his concern /again/, he nods and smiles at the kid, squeezing him tighter and hoping it can somehow provide some comfort. Any comfort.

"Heh, sure bro. Thank fuck exams are almost over, though. Then we can go out fer a ride again. Ya still up fer that, yeah? Y'ain't gotta, ya know that, if y'ain't-"

"Kyoudai," Taka interrupts, a gentle reprimand in his tone that almost sounds normal, "I said I would, didn't I?! I always keep my word! It's a-"

"Kiyotaka Ishimaru guarantee," Mondo interjects in return, smirking softly, feeling normal for the first time that day, goddamn. He can't help how he reaches up and ruffles the kid's hair teasingly with the hand not draped over Taka's shoulder.

He pulls back after a moment, the levity fading as his worry rushes back in. He looks at Taka with all the softness in his heart, hoping that the kid understands what he means when he looks at him like this. That he… that Taka /knows/. What he means to Mondo. That Mondo would do fucking /anything/ for him. That Mondo… that he… he…

"Heh. Alright, Taka, shit, I know. Sorry. I just don't wanna force ya ta do things, ya know? I uh... shit, this is gonna sound so stupid but… fuck it. I just... I get the feelin' sometimes that yer just doin' some a' this shit 'cuz ya feel like ya gotta, ya know? Not 'cuz ya wanna. An' I just... shit, man, I dunno. Don't want ya ever feelin' like that. But I'm prolly bein' an idiot, heh. Like hell ya'd do shit ya don't wanna," Mondo chuckles, but the laugh is so fucking forced, shit. Goddamnit, but he didn't mean to say that shit. Yes, he fucking means it with all his heart, but he doesn't know if this will make things worse or not.

And based on the way Taka stiffens, his eyes wide and unhappy, not to mention the fact he has stopped dead in the middle of the hallway… Mondo thinks he fucked up and did, indeed, make things worse. Oh, shit. God fucking dammit. He can't mask the concern on his face as he looks at the kid, who is now desperately trying to smile and laugh, but it's so painfully fake, Jesus Christ. Why… why can't the kid just fucking /talk to him/? Like… he gets it. It's hard to talk about shit sometimes. Especially personal shit. But hasn't he proven that he won't hurt the kid? Hasn't he proven that he just wants to help? And yeah. He fucked up on Halloween. He knows he did. But… he thought he'd fixed that shit. Or is everything just ruined forever, no matter what he does? He doesn't… he fucking /can't/…

"You have nothing to fear, kyoudai! Every... everything I do with you, I do it because I /want/ to. I- I... I want you to be happy. And if I can do something to cause your happiness, well... then I will! And /that/, my dear kyoudai, is a Kiyotaka Ishimaru guarantee!"

The kid is still smiling. He sounds normal. Sounds bright and happy. Sounds truthful. But something about the words rubs him wrong. While he completely understands wanting to do anything to make someone else happy, he just… shit. He doesn't want the kid to make himself miserable to make him happy. And is… is that what's been going on? Has Taka been— very erroneously— thinking that the shit he's been doing is what Mondo wants? It sounds stupid as shit, but maybe… maybe…

Slowly removing his arm from around Taka, Mondo looks at the kid and tries to see past the walls he's trying to keep up. He can see the smile turn strained, can see the unhappiness in his eyes. Part of him wonders if he should just let this go, let Taka continue pretending, but… shit. If he does that, the kid will keep on acting like this. Making himself miserable to make Mondo happy, or whatever bullshit the kid is telling himself. And he just… he fucking can't have that. He sucks at emotional talks and all, but he… he has to fucking try.

Brushing back the hair that has fallen into Taka's eyes yet again (fuck is his hair getting long. Mondo can't say he doesn't like it, but he can't help but wonder why Taka isn't cutting it. He used to keep it short because it was 'efficient,' the kid said. So why… but shit. Not the time), Mondo smiles as gently as he can and does his best to not fuck up his words entirely.

"Shit man. If that's what ya /want/ ta do, then hell. Ain't gonna force ya ta stop. But just... all I want is that /you/ want it too... okay, Kiyo? Not just ta make me happy, but because ya genuinely wanna do what I wanna do. 'Cuz... shit, this is so fuckin' corny, goddamnit... whatever, fuck it. Uh. 'Cuz... seein' ya happy? That's what makes me happy. An' I just... I don't know if yer happy right now. Yer smilin' an' laughin' an' shit, but... Kiyo... are ya happy? I may be completely off base an' ya can hit me if I am, but just... shit man..."

Mondo's insides are roiling, and he can't escape the fear that he just massively fucked up. The kid is like a fucking statue; his body is so fucking stiff, though Mondo can see that he's forcing his shoulders to carefully loose, pretending to be fine again. His eyes, though, are full of panic. In all actuality, he looks five seconds away from having a full-blown panic attack and Mondo doesn't know how to make it /stop/. How to fix this shit. He- he /loves Taka/, loves him so goddamn much, but he can't make this better. He doesn't know how to make this better, to make Taka see how incredible he is to him and he just… he just…

It breaks his fucking heart. To watch as Taka forces his smile to brighten. The way he forces out a brittle laugh. Mondo can't force the concern away, has no hope of doing that, not when Taka is so clearly not okay. What… what even is he supposed to do? Supposed to say? Should he call the kid out? Should he mention it? Should he… should he do /nothing/? He doesn't know! He just doesn't know, and it hurts so bad, and he… he…

He gets jolted out of his spiraling thoughts when he feels a warm body slam into him, arms wrapping tight around his torso, and it's all he can do to raise his arms and hug the kid back. He can feel Taka bury his face in his chest, his body shaking slightly. It makes him ache inside to feel it, wishing he knew how to help Taka. Wishing he could take the pain away. Wishing…

"Shit... Taka, you're trembling..."

The kid tries to stop after that, but Mondo knows he still is upset. It's so obvious to him, but pointing it out isn't helping, the kid just seems even more distressed now. Should he just ignore everything? Should he just try and wait it out? Fuck! Why the fuck does this gotta be so fucking confusing?!

"I-it's okay, kyoudai! I am perfectly okay! Just a little stress left over from the exams but being with you makes it better!" Taka states, pulling back and smiling brightly. Deceptively bright. Taka's face is carefully controlled, his expression earnest and bright, but Mondo /knows/ it's a fucking lie. This kid ain't okay. And maybe it's just exam stress like he says, but… fuck. He doubts it.

And yet…

Well. Maybe it would be better to just move the fuck on. To give Taka the chance to compose himself and let him deal with his issues alone. He clearly doesn't want Mondo's help, so… fine. He- he'll leave the kid alone about it. It's all he can fucking do, after all.

Smile as casual and lazy and he can make it, he chuckles, hoping it doesn't sound wrong. Unlike the kid, he fucking knows how to hide his fucking fucked up bullshit. He's had to learn.

"Alright, man. Then, shit. Sooner these fuckin' exams are over with, the better. Yer gonna do perfect, Taka, promise. Y'ain't got anythin' ta worry 'bout, okay? Shit, maybe we should go do somethin' together... get our minds off this shit. Hey, I know! We mentioned takin' a bath together some time, yeah? Maybe that'll help. Baths are soothin' an' shit, an' they help take yer mind off shit. I ain't taken a bath in a while, might be nice ta do that shit together, relax an' all that. What do ya say? Tomorrow mornin', we take a bath? An' y'ain't gotta, Taka, if you don't wanna I won't be mad. S'just a thought, ya know?"

Mondo can see the frozen look on Taka's face, the fucking /fear/ in his eyes, and he's about five seconds away from giving up and storming off. He doesn't wanna do that, doesn't wanna make Taka feel bad, but… Jesus goddamn Christ. Everything he says makes the kid unhappy, and maybe… maybe it would be best to just leave the kid alone. Maybe that would make Taka happy. Maybe… maybe Mondo is the problem.

S-shit…

And then the kid is smiling and nodding enthusiastically again. Like nothing is wrong. Like he hadn't just looked fucking /terrified/ at the prospect of taking a fucking bath with Mondo. Because why not, huh? Why the fuck not…

"Of course, kyoudai! That sounds like a great idea! It will be nice, to take a bath and not have to worry about my stress so much! Thank you!"

The words are bright. Enthusiastic. Happy. And false. So painfully fucking false.

Mondo wants to scream. He wants to take Taka by the arms and shake him until he stops acting like this. He wants to curse and snarl and sneer and do all those things he always does to hide the pain he feels inside. He wants… he fucking wants…

He wants Taka to stop acting like being around him is causing him physical pain…

But you can't always get what you want. He rarely ever does.

Pushing everything /down, down, down/, Mondo looks away to control himself, forcing a chuckle out of his mouth. When he looks back, he can't help the love he feels for Taka from rising within him, though he tries his hardest to hide the pain. He never wants to burden Taka with his stupid ass pain. Not ever.

"Alright, cool, man. Awesome! Heh. Mornin' baths are the fuckin' best. We can go when we wake up tomorrow," Mondo says as casually as he can, lips still smiling. Taka's face looks frozen again, but that's okay. That's fine. It… it's fucking /fine/. Why is Taka unhappy now? Who the fuck knows. Whatever. It's /fine/.

"Very well, my kyoudai! I shall look forward to it!"

Mondo forces another chuckle and wraps his arm back around Taka, partially because he adores having his arm around the kid, and partially to be petty. If the kid doesn't wanna be friends, then he can fucking /say it/, alright?!

But the pettiness leaves him quickly, his heart aching, and as he looks down at Taka and takes in the general weariness that clings to the kid. It makes his heart ache but he just… what can he do? God… what the fuck can he do, other than continue to ignore it the best he fucking can…

"Hell yeah! Anyway, wanna go an' do some homework or some shit? That fuckin' literature essay is due tomorrow an' she wants like, 1,000 fuckin' words. Shit. I've got 'bout 700, but I can't figure out how ta make that shit longer. Think ya can help?" Mondo asks, head tilted as he looks at the kid. He can see the kid blink in confusion, his lips pulled down in a gentle frown. After a moment, his face lights up a little and he opens his mouth to speak, and Mondo thinks that maybe now the kid is feeling better. He always has enjoyed studying and doing homework above all else. Maybe this is what he needs. Maybe… maybe…

But then Taka's face crumbles and he looks near tears again as he slowly shakes his head.

Mondo wants to scream.

"Ah! I'm so sorry, kyoudai, but I have another appointment right now! My father has been very busy these past few weeks and I have been unable to talk to him at our usual time! He told me he has this afternoon off, though, so I was going to try and call him! With my phone, it should be much easier! I- I'm so sorry, kyoudai... I..."

The kid looks a second away from bursting into tears and Mondo fucking /hates it/, and he feels so helpless, and he just… he wants… shit. Shit. /Fuck/.

Swallowing down everything yet again, Mondo shrugs casually and does his best to move on. Again. Always and forever again. He has nothing else to do.

"Oh, nice! Yeah, that's okay Taka. Maybe we can meet up later, at the library or some shit?"

There… that should be good, yes? It gives Taka the ability to accept to a later time, if he wants to, without pressure. Right? That's good?

So, why does the kid still look like he's about to fucking /cry/? God fucking dammit!

"A-ah! I'm so sorry! I told Hina I would do another study session later! I- I... I'm sorry!"

God, this is agony. Pure torture. This kid is going through something, and he won't tell him, and Mondo is so fucking lost. Should he pull away? Should he keep trying? Should he leave the kid alone forever? He doesn't know! He doesn't know! He wishes he did, but he doesn't, and he just… he can't…

Doing his best to keep composed, Mondo removes his arm from Taka's shoulder and gently trails his fingers across Taka's temple. The kid seems to like it when he does it, and it's all he can think of. Taka is clearly overwhelmed, and Mondo isn't faring much better and he just… he wants…

"Hey, it ain't that big a deal, Kiyo. I can figure this shit out on my own, don't worry 'bout it, okay?" Mondo mutters, looking at Taka deep in the eye, so concerned it burns him. He can see the panic rising within the scarlet, so he continues, hoping to find a solution that will fix this. If not… goddamn. He has no idea what else he can do. "Ya said ya have a study session tonight, though, yeah? Is it individual, or could I tag along? Again, I can do it myself if I can't, ya don't hafta worry-"

"Yes!" Taka exclaims, cutting him off, looking almost manic as he stares desperately at him. This almost hurts the worst and Mondo doesn't even know why. He doesn't know anything. He forces the concern down, knowing it's not wanted, nor needed. Not… not fucking desired. "That's a wonderful idea! I believe Hina is telling the others to come to the session, so it is not individual! Aha, I should have thought of that myself... I- I'm sorry..."

God, that is fucking /it/. He… he can't fucking take this. Any of this. He's so tired of Taka apologizing, of acting like he's walking on eggshells when he's talking to him. Half the time almost normal, half the time near tears. Mondo wants to help, but everything he does just makes it all worse, and he just… he can't fucking do this. Not right now. He just… he needs a break. Before he loses his hold on his anger and he ruins this shit anymore.

With a sigh and a hard stare, Mondo shakes his head and tries to extract himself from this situation without hurting Taka more. God, does he not want to hurt Taka anymore.

"Stop apologizin'," Mondo growls softly, with meaning, heart aching and breaking inside his chest. "It's not a problem, kyoudai. Y'ain't gotta worry, okay? Just... shit. Whatever, man. I'll let ya talk ta yer da. I'm gonna... whatever. See ya later."

Mondo shakes his head once more, lips pulled down in a bigger grimace, his insides churning. He takes a stumbling step back, gives Taka one final desperate look, before he heads off down the hallway, hoping he doesn't look as pathetic as he knows he is. He can feel the kid's eyes on him, wide and prolly full of hurt at his abrupt departure, but he can't think of that. He just… he can't.

Mondo briefly thinks about heading to his room and fucking around in there for a while, but he ultimately knows that that would be a fucking awful idea. While he's gotten use to the room lately— the clinical starkness of the space not quite as awful as it had been— he knows it's entirely because of Taka. The room is easier to handle when he has Taka with him to share it. If he were by himself… especially with his weird ass semi-/fight/ with Taka… yeah. No thanks.

Instead, he finds himself heading for the front of the school, his chest aching as he strides quickly towards his baby. His fucking pride and joy. The thing that used to be the most precious thing to him on the planet, back before he met Taka.

It makes him feel almost guilty as he looks at her shiny body, beautiful in the mid fall light. She… she's always been there for him. Through thick and thin. Daiya gave him his baby when he was eleven, a gift as they started their gang together, and he has taken such good care of her ever since. He once loved her more than anything, more than life itself. Before Taka… she was his one and only true companion.

It feels wrong to him, now, that he has practically abandoned her in favor of his kyoudai. Aside from his ride with Taka, he's barely ridden her in weeks. It makes his chest ache, his body tremble, and he stupidly wants to cry. But he can't, he fucking /can't/, he ain't no pussy, so he pushes it down. He… he always pushes everything down.

Without a single thought more, Mondo throws his leg over her sleek body, taking his keys out of his pocket and turning her on smoothly, letting the purr of her engine between his legs radiate throughout him. He sits there atop her body for a full minute, his breath shuddering as he tries to calm himself down. It doesn't work, so he closes his eyes, bending over to press his forehead against his baby's handlebar, the way he always would do to try and simulate the feel of Daiya pressing their foreheads together in a caring embrace. He keeps breathing, easy and steadily, and tries his hardest to compose himself. It's hard, so fucking hard, but he… he can't…

Several minutes pass as he just sits there and breathes, trying to calm his racing thoughts. He doesn't even want to know what anyone passing by might think of him, and he doesn't fucking care. He's Mondo fucking Owada, leader of The Crazy Diamonds, the Ultimate Biker Gang Leader. Anyone who dares to judge him will get what's coming to them. And now that he's thinking of it… holy /fuck/ does Mondo wanna go and get into a fight. It's been so fucking long since he last felt someone's jaw break beneath his fist, since he last felt his own jaw break under someone else's fist. He's been so focused on Taka recently that he's forgotten all of the shit he used to do. The rage and anger and destruction inside him. It burns him inside, burns his chest and makes him want to scream.

Why… why the fuck is he doing all of this shit for the kid anyway? Why is he changing himself, why is he trying so fucking hard? It's not gonna last. It has no hope of lasting, it's currently breaking before his very eyes and he's too pathetic to stop it. He's changing so many aspects of who he used to be for a person that won't even be in his life for much longer. Why- why the fuck is he doing this? Why the fuck is he doing /any/ of this?! Does he think Taka will care? Does he think Taka will see his changes and be fucking /impressed/?

Ha! Hahaha! How fucking /stupid/ of him to think that! Taka doesn't care about him, Taka doesn't fucking /love him/, Taka will never love him, he- he… he's going to leave him. One day, one day /soon/. And Mondo will be alone again. Always… always alone.

He should leave. Right now. Peel out of the parking lot and fucking /bail/. Leave Hope's Peak and never fucking return. He never should have come here in the first place. Never should have thought himself /good enough/ to make it in this godforsaken place. Taka doesn't love him, Taka doesn't want him, and he should know better than to stay where he's not wanted. No one wants him here. No one wants Mondo fucking Owada around to ruin their perfect as fuck school. No one wants… n-no one wants-

Mondo gasps harshly and jolts so hard he almost upturns his baby when he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. It's been vibrating a lot, but for some reason this time it breaks him out of his self-deprecation and he- he… he can't help how he frantically grabs at it, mind and heart stupidly hoping that maybe- maybe it's /Taka/. Maybe it's Taka and he's texting to say he wants to meet up and talk and- and explain why he's been so distant this past week. Maybe- maybe-

But no. No, he thinks, heart falling and crumbling to dust. It's just that stupid fucking group chat that Hina had created for them earlier that week. Of course. Of /fucking/ course.

Well… he already had his phone out. Might as well read the fucking nonsense his fucking classmates wrote, huh? Taking his glasses out of the case he keeps in his pocket, he puts them on and reads. There's a whole fucking bunch of texts, which is just… fucking peachy, ain't it? Jesus fucking Christ…

From: Hina: /hi guys! taka is gonna have another study sesion 2day! b sure 2 cum 2 the libry 2nite if u wanna pass ur exams!/

From: Sayaka: /OMG, yesssss. that will be awsome! thnks, Taka!/

From: Chihiro: /Oh, that sounds nice! What time should we arrive?/

From: Hina: /... um... i don't know... oopsy!/

From: Sakura: /We forgot to ask for a time. Taka, do you have a preferred time for the session? Hina and I are going out for dinner tonight at 6:00, so preferably before then, if you can./

From: Makoto: /Oh cool can I come to the session to? I have a meeting with, um... someone at 5:00 but Im free ny toehe time/

From: Makoto: /*any *other lol/

Mondo's breath hitches a little when he sees Taka's contact name pop up next, biting the inside of his cheek to curb his embarrassing reaction. It's not like there's anyone around, the parking lot empty of people at this time of day, but… shit. Whatever. He keeps reading, his eyes almost hungry as he reads his kyoudai's words.

From: Kiyo:

/Hello!

I am free any time! Perhaps 4:00 would work best? I currently have an appointment and am not sure how long it will take! But I am amenable to anything!

Sincerely,

Taka./

Mondo smiles softly at the text, even though it's stupid as fuck. He's just… so fucking precious… fuck. Mondo lingers on the text for a minute, his chest relaxing, his breathing easier for some reason. He doesn't think about it and just allows the peace to come over him. It- it's fine.

Eventually, he feels the phone buzz again, reminding him to keep going. He sure did miss a lot of fucking texts, didn't he… heh.

From: Leon: /dude. stop typng lik a fckn schlr or whtvr. its mbearsing, lol./

Mondo scowls at the text, annoyed at Leon for saying that shit to Taka. Fuck, the musician is so fucking lucky that Mondo hadn't been paying attention and hadn't seen the text when it was sent, otherwise he'd have chewed the bastard out. Luckily, it seems their other classmates did it for him, he thinks with a smirk as he continues.

From: Sayaka: /Leon! stop bein men! Taka can writ how he wants. and Taka, 4 works fine! thanks again! Xoxoxoxo/

From: Makoto: /Yeh, 4 works! And dont worry abut Leon Taka youre writing is fine! Thanks!/

From: Makoto: /*about lol/.

From: Hina: /hi taka! yeah, leon is just a big meanie, dont worry but him. sakura and I think 4 works fine. see you guys then! yayayayay! ill bring sum donuts!/

From: Kyoko: /I will arrive at 4:00. See you all then./

From: Leon: /sht dude, whtvr. sry. jst wird s all./

That seems to have been the last message, Mondo thinks, snorting at the horrible spelling nearly every one of them have. At least Mondo has a fucking excuse. His phone is janky as shit.

Well. If there is one thing the messages did, they helped calm down the rage and unhappiness inside of him. He can still feel it under his skin, but it's easier to handle now that he's not lost in the emotions anymore. He can take a deep breath, and then another, and… and feel okay. Enough, at least. Okay enough. It's the best he's gonna get he thinks, so… yeah.

Looking back down at his shitty phone, he finds himself typing out a reply, not letting himself think on it too much, so as to not psych himself out.

To: Hope's Peak Group Chat: /yh 4 wrks. C u thn, Kyoudai./

Mondo bites his lip gently as he reads over the words he sent, wondering what Taka will think of it. He had told the kid earlier that week that he shortens his words to make it easier to type out his messages, and it's fucking true. It's hard as shit to type on his small ass phone.

And yet… heh. He made sure to type out Kyoudai as perfectly as he could. He- he hopes Taka realizes why he did it. Why he does all the shit he does for the kid. It's so stupid and pathetic, it ain't like it's gonna matter. The kid is letting go of him, he can tell that, he /knows/. But maybe… maybe he can make sure the kid realizes how much he matters to him before that happens. Maybe. Maybe. Who knows.

He blinks when he feels his phone buzz again, his heart racing strangely when he sees Taka's contact name again. F-fuck…

From: Kiyo:

/Hello!

I am glad that 4:00 works out for you all! I shall see you all then! 3 (Hina taught me how to do that! It's a heart, see!)

Sincerely,

Taka/.

It makes him laugh. A legitimate laugh this time, his cheeks hurting with how wide he's smiling. It… it's easier. To pretend that things are okay when he can't see Taka's face and see the pain he's hiding. It… he…

Pushing the negative thoughts down like always, he sets about responding, knowing he has to say something. Anything. Fuck…

To: Hope's Peak Group Chat: /ur adorable Kyoudai. C u thn./

Mondo's cheeks heat at the message he sent to their entire group chat, but he doesn't mind it too much. He thinks that his assessment is perfectly accurate, thanks. Struck by inspiration, Mondo clicks out of the group chat and into his contacts list. Clicking on Taka's contact name, he edits it, smiling at the addition.

With another deep breath, Mondo puts his phone away, blinking as he realizes he's still on his baby, idling in his parking spot. Oh… shit. He prolly just wasted a ton of fucking gas. Ah well. He can fill her up later. And since he's already here, might as well go for a ride, right? It won't beat having Taka with him, holding tight to him, but it's still fucking good to be able to ride his baby after weeks of not doing it often enough.

Taking one last deep breath and letting it out slowly, Mondo pulls out of his space and eases out of the parking lot. Once on the city streets, he goes faster, though he still finds himself minding the speed limits like a fucking bitch. But he just… fuck. He can't get the image of Taka looking at him with disappointment out of his head. It makes his chest tighten again, but he forces it down. He just… whatever. Whatever! So, he's changing. So what? It ain't like he was a good fucking person beforehand. Maybe this is for the better, ya know? Maybe it's for the better that he changes himself, even if it won't matter in the end and he'll still lose Taka anyway. Why should it matter? It doesn't. He could do with changing himself. He's a piece of shit regardless.

Despite the fact he knows he doesn't have that long, Mondo finds himself pulling onto the highway, zooming down the road as fast as he dares. There's some traffic, but Mondo just zips between the cars easily, though he takes care to be fucking courteous. Ugh. Whatever. He doesn't go outside of the city limits, knowing he only has about forty-five until they're supposed to meet for the study session, but… well. It's nice to ride around the city itself, at least. There just something so nice about feeling the wind blowing through his hair, his body ice cold as the chilled air assaults him. It's just… fucking nice.

(It would be nicer if he had Taka against his back, holding him so tight that the cold has no hope of reaching him, but- well. Maybe they'll be able to do that again soon. He hopes it's real soon. Shit…)

Mondo doesn't know how long he rides along the highway, but eventually he figures it's about time to turn back if he wants to make it on time. There was once a time when he wouldn't care if he was on time for something or not, but he knows how anal Taka is about time. No point making the kid even more upset than he already is, yeah?

Before long he's pulling back into Hope's Peak's parking lot, parking his baby in his spot. He turns her off and gives himself one moment to breathe and relax. He already feels so much calmer than he did earlier, the ride working wonders on his nerves and anger. He… he really needs to start riding more again. Ever since he became friends with Taka, he's contented himself with watching movies and snuggling together on the couch. And while that's good— so fucking good, holy shit— it… well. It's not the same as feeling the freedom of flying down the highway without a fucking care in the world. And with Taka being in his funk… well. Maybe he should carve out some more time for himself to just ride. With or without Taka… (though he'd prefer with. Always, always with).

With the moment of peace done, Mondo turns off his baby and pets her side tenderly, smiling down at her with love. He may love Taka, but nothing will take away from his love of his baby. Nothing.

"See ya soon, beautiful. I'll come out an' oil ya up later, 'kay? Gonna get cold soon, so I'll find a cover ta keep yer beautiful self safe from the ice, heh. See ya, baby," Mondo mutters softly to his girl, only a hint of embarrassment filling him as he does it. No one is around, though, so it's fine.

Getting off his baby, he opens his phone and checks the time, smiling when he sees that it's only 3:50, giving him about ten to get to the library. It shouldn't take him that long to get there, though he knows better than to 'dilly-dally,' as Taka calls it. The thought of seeing Taka again causes a spike of anxiety to shoot through him, but he pushes it the fuck down. It's fine. They're fine. Taka just- just needs some space. It's fucking /fine/.

Before he heads to the library, he heads back to his room to grab his shit, figuring it might be good to have his textbook and school issued laptop to do his work on, heh. See Taka? He is fucking learning.

Once that's done with, he heads to the staircase, not quite meandering but also not forcing himself to hurry. He's still got least five to get there in time and it doesn't take that long to climb the stairs to the second floor.

It's as Mondo is heading to the library door that he hears it. It makes Mondo frown at first, since he's not entirely sure what it is that he's hearing, you know? While Mondo knows better than anyone at this school what it's like to get into a fight or a shouting match, at some point over the last two months he must have gotten out of the habit of being on the lookout for that kinda shit.

At least, that's the best he can figure as to why it shocks him when he hears the raised voices coming from down the corridor from the library. He thinks he can hear a high-pitched voice and a couple others laughing, but it's not until he hears the end of whatever one of them says that he finally is spurned to action.

"-don't matter. Now c'mon, I'm not gonna ask you again. I'm not taking no for an answer. You will go out with me. You got that?"

With a scowl so deep he can feel the wrinkles forming, he storms around the corner, anger rising like an old friend to meet him. He doesn't care about consequences. He is gonna make sure that whatever fucking /douchebag/ that said that shit learns that you never pressure fucking /anyone/ on a date. Ever. He doesn't care who is talking or who is being intimidated. That shit is /disgusting/ regardless of the reasons behind it. He begins moving faster when he hears a high-pitched voice cry out in panic, his blood on fire as he rushes to protect whatever chick is getting harassed.

"Hey! What the /fuck/ is goin' on here?!" he bellows before he rounds the corner, his anger too bright for him to contain himself much longer. And when he finally reaches the bend and turns it, taking in the sight before him… shit. He feels his blood boil even worse, his rage bright and fiery.

Standing against the wall, Mondo sees two figures— one taller and bulkier and the other shorter and daintier looking. There are also two other figures further down the corridor, but he pays them no mind at all. Because then his eyes land on the last person involved in this shit show, and he feels ice enter his veins for a brief second as worry fills him, making his anger flare even brighter. Because standing there, his eyes wide and body stiff as a board, is his kyoudai. And he looks fucking /terrified/, what the fuck? What the goddamn shit is going on here?!

"The fuck do ya fuckers think yer doin', huh?! Answer me, ya jackasses!"

He watches with no hint of amusement as the two jackasses he'd dismissed earlier take one look at each other before bolting. Mondo doesn't even focus on them since they're so worthless they're not even worth a second of his time. He puts the full force of his glare onto the jackass still towering over whatever poor chick is in his sights. Which… Mondo does a double take and feels himself get even /angrier/ when he realizes the chick being harassed is fucking /Chihiro/, holy /shit/. Oh, this motherfucker is in for a world of pain, ain't he… he lets his glare turn vitriolic as the piece of shit raises his hands and tries to act all innocent. Goddamn mother/fucker/.

"H-hey! M-Mondo! C'mon man, was just having a bit of fun! Trying ta, you know, score a date with this fricken wall flower, heard girls like her are great in bed, y-you know? Too bad she's so fricken frigid and pathetic, ain't worth the effort, really. S-so, heh, n-no need ta get all worked up! H-heh..."

Oh, this goddamn piece of shit… he really thinks that shit is gonna calm him down?! Insulting a friend of his— who happens to be a /chick/ no less— while playing it off as just being a bit of 'fun?!' He truly hopes this jackass never reproduces, because stupid that strong must be hereditary, Jesus Christ.

Without wasting a single moment more, Mondo lets out an angry snarl, mind fully focused on the rage he is feeling, nothing else. It has been a while since he last let his anger take control quite like this, and he has to admit that it feels so fucking good. As much as his anger may scare him at times, it has its advantages when dealing with scum of the earth like this. Not like he cares if this motherfucker gets beaten into a bloody pulp. He highly doubts anyone would care, honestly.

He reaches the piece of shit in three strides, his anger fueling him as he grabs hold of his stupid fucking shirt and slams him against the wall. He presses in close, making sure the piece of shit can see the rage on his face before he beats the goddamn shit out of him. The shit stain lets out a high-pitched scream, but Mondo doesn't pay it any mind as he growls out his response to that goddamn bullshit.

"Listen here, ya fuckin' goddamn piece a' /shit/! Y'ain't worth dog shit, let alone a chick as nice as Chihiro! Ya need ta learn some /fuckin'/ respect, an' I'm gonna fuckin' pound it inta yer /fuckin'/ skull, ya asshole!"

With that, Mondo pulls back his right hand as far as it can go, his mind blank as he gets ready to let it loose. Fuck, but it's been so fucking long since he last punched a jackass, he's missed it so fucking much. His blood is singing in his veins as he focuses solely on teaching this son of a bitch a lesson, the rest of the world fading away as he gets into position.

It's just as he's about to gain the momentum he needs to successfully knock this douchebag's lights out that a voice penetrates his haze of rage. And what the voice says is…

"M-M-Mondo! S-stop! P-please!"

Immediately, Mondo's arm stops in its trajectory, hovering mere centimeters from the sniveling face of the goddamn jackass before him. He can see terror in his eyes, but Mondo doesn't fucking care. He was terrifying Chihiro, why the fuck should he care if /he's/ suddenly terrified? Serves him fucking right!

However… what Mondo /does/ care about is that— even with the rage clouding his judgement and ability to think rationally— he recognizes the voice that just called out to him. Of course he recognizes it, he's pretty sure he'd be able to recognize it in his fucking sleep. And it reminds him where he is. And that he's not alone in the corridor with this shit stain. And that if he does this… well. He has a feeling his kyoudai would have a hard fucking time forgiving him for it…

It's still so fucking hard to do what he knows he must. He's so fucking angry, the rage drowning him, and he doesn't want to stop it. Not to mention how frustrated he's been all week, dear fucking god. It would be so good to just beat the absolute shit out of this motherfucker, it really would.

But… shit. He can feel red eyes staring at him, wide and watery and /pleading/, and he can't fucking make things worse between them. He just… he can't.

And so, with an enraged growl, he lowers his fist, though his glare alone is incredibly deadly. And then he lifts the son of a bitch again and tosses him to the side without care, watching him stumble with only mild satisfaction. His lips curl when he smells the stench of shit, though it does give him more satisfaction to know that even if he can't beat the shit out of this literal shit stain, he at least was still able to literally /scare/ the shit out of him. Good. Fucking /good/. If it weren't for Taka… fuck. This fucker is so fucking lucky… Mondo doesn't let the fucker recollect himself, though, before he's stalking over to him, puffing his chest out in the way he knows makes him look as large and intimidating as possible. Maybe he can't punch him, but he sure as /fuck/ can intimidate.

"Yer fuckin' lucky Taka is here, or ya'd be nothin' more than a brown little /shit stain/ marrin' this fuckin' school. Shit, like y'ain't already! Now, this is yer only fuckin' warnin'. Ya come near Chihiro /or/ Taka again, an' I'm gonna make ya wish ya were never /fuckin'/ born. Ya hear me, you goddamn /shit stain/?!"

The shit stain looks up at him with wide, terrified eyes, before nodding frantically and running off down the hall like a little /bitch/. It makes him smirk in satisfaction when he sees that his gait is awkward, his trousers definitely darker than they should be. Ha. Goddamn motherfucker.

The smirk gets wiped off his face when the shit stain decides it's a wise idea to turn back and start shit, despite being so fucking pathetic it ain't even funny.

"Y-you may talk big, Owada, but I know you ain't /shit/! You're nothing but a fucking /f*gg*t/, screwing that Hall Monitor ta get outta trouble! At least I ain't a fucking /freak/ like you!"

Oh, that absolute motherfucker-!

Mondo cannot stop the howl of rage he lets out, having never felt so angry towards another person before, and dear /god/ has he felt blinding rage towards some truly godawful jackasses. But how fucking /dare he/, huh?! Calling him that fucking /slur/?! Saying he's fucking /fucking/ Taka?! Not that that would be bad if he were, but how dare that motherfucker try and imply that it /would/ be wrong in anyway?! And obviously he fucking ain't, but that doesn't fucking matter! It's the goddamn principle of the matter! Even if he were gay, he'd still be the Ultimate fucking Biker Gang Leader, and that shit stain better fucking remember that goddamn fact right the fuck now!

However, before he can chase after that fucker and teach him the lesson he should have earlier, Taka be damned (sorry Taka), he gets distracted by the sound of crying. For one heart stopping second, he thinks it's /Taka/ crying, which is just… shit. He looks over in the direction the sound comes from and is a little relieved to find that it's /not/ actually Taka who is crying, which is… good. Unfortunately, instead of Taka, it's /Chihiro/ who is crying, which reminds him of who was the victim of that shit stain's shittery, which makes his anger flare again. But… shit.

As he looks at Chihiro's tear stained face, he realizes that he can't fucking leave her here like this. While they're not super close, he'd consider the chick a friend he supposes, and what kind of friend would he be if he abandoned his friend to go chasing after revenge? Yeah, he can't let that motherfucker get away with his bullshit, but that can be dealt with later. In fact, it might be best to put his payback on hold, so that he can collect his thoughts and properly make sure that fucker pays for the shit he just pulled.

Despite what he wants so desperately to do, Mondo growls softly before he gets out of the running stance that he'd not realized he'd gotten into, shooting a glare of pure vitriol in the direction of that shit stain. While he will leave his revenge for later, he ain't gonna let that fucker think he actually got away with that shit. Not a fucking chance.

"Yeah, ya better fuckin' run ya coward! I ever see ya again, yer fuckin' dead! The Crazy Diamonds ain't gonna let this /shit/ slide, ya goddamn motherfucker!"

With that, Mondo turns to face Chihiro, awkwardness filling him as he takes in her tear-stained face. Her hands are up by her mouth as she tries (and fails) to stifle her sobs, and it honestly is heartbreaking. Doing his best to soften his face and mask the rage that is still flowing through his veins, he raises his hands to show he doesn't intend to hurt her, a small smile twisted on his lips. He's afraid that the smile looks more like a grimace than a smile, but he can't focus on that shit. Hopefully he doesn't scare Chihiro more, shit…

"Aw, shit. Uh, c'mon Chihiro, don't, uh... don't cry. Shit stains like that ain't worth yer tears. I ain't gonna hurt ya, y'ain't got nothin' ta worry 'bout. That's it, don't, uh... cry... shit," Mondo mutters, before looking back at Taka, wondering if the kid would know what to do here. But when their eyes meet, he sees Taka just shake his head mutely, his eyes wide and his skin as white as a sheet. Ah, shit… the kid looks fucking petrified… shit. He wants to go to Taka and comfort him, but- but Chihiro is still crying, so he can't fucking abandon her… plus, there's no guarantee that Taka would even want him to comfort him… not after the shit that just happened, oh god…

Before his thoughts can start to spiral again, the events of the last few minutes catching up and starting to overwhelm him, he hears footsteps rush down the corridor. And then the worried faces of Hina and Sakura appear, and Mondo can't quite tell if that's a good thing or not. While he knows the chicks have claimed they see him like a friend, things have been awkward between them since Halloween. Which… is kinda obvious. He really doesn't like the way Hina is looking at him, though. Like she… she's fucking /judging/ him. Shit. All he did was scare that motherfucker away…

"What happened?! We were headed to the library for our study session, and then we heard Mondo yelling! Is everyone alright?" Hina exclaims, her eyes wide and her mouth turned down into a worried frown as she looks at them all. When she sees Chihiro crying, she gasps and rushes over to the girl, pushing him aside in her haste. Hey… "Mondo! What did you do?!"

Mondo blinks at the girl, mild offense rising within him. Shit, what did /he/ do?! Why the fuck does she think he did something, huh?! And, okay, so maybe he did kinda fuck up on Halloween, but he would have thought his classmates would realize he ain't the kind of douchebag to make chicks like Chihiro cry! Shit… god fucking damn. Raising his hands to show his innocence again, he looks at the newcomers and does his best to explain the shit show that just occurred.

"What, me?! I didn't do shit! Well, other than scare that fuckin' shit stain away!" he exclaims, his anger returning. He notices the looks of confusion on Hina and Sakura's faces though, and he settles into a better explanation. "Yeah, some fuckin' 12th year piece a' shit thought he could get away with intimidatin' a date outta Chihiro. When I came here, he was tellin' her that he 'wouldn't take no fer an answer', goddamn piece a' shit. Taka stopped me 'fore I could teach him a lesson, but then he thought he could fuckin' get smart with me. I ain't lettin' that shit slide. Don't worry Taka, I ain't gonna do it at school an' it won't get traced back ta me, but I'm gonna make sure that shit stain knows his fuckin' place. Ain't no one disrespect the Crazy Diamonds like that, goddamn."

Mondo let's out a soft growl of frustration at the entire thing. Shit, but he /hates/ douchebags who think they can intimidate chicks into doing shit just because they're bigger. He also fucking hates homophobes, which is why he finds it ironic that seventy-five percent of the people in this corridor have thought he was one at one point or another.

However, it seems that his growl scares Chihiro, who lets out a small yelp of fright, making him regret letting his anger take over again. Shit. He didn't mean to scare Chihiro… god fucking dammit… he almost doesn't blame Hina for glaring at him, pout on her lips.

"Mondo! Stop yelling, you're scaring Chi!"

The reprimand makes him grimace, his hand rising to rub the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Ah, shit, sorry Chi. Didn't mean ta scare ya. Just hate assholes like that, ya know? Ain't fuckin' right fer a dude ta bully a chick like that. My bro made sure I knew that. Ya respect women, an' if they say no, ya fuckin' accept it. Ta go an' try ta intimidate a small and weak chick like Chi... shit makes my blood boil."

Something about his statement makes Chihiro— or Chi, as he guesses the chick prefers, since he's heard Leon call her that a couple times too— sob again, which makes him feel particularly pathetic. Shit. Even when he's trying to be comforting, he fails… no wonder Taka is always so sad around him… he's absolute garbage at this shit… he can feel Hina's glare hot on him still and while he kinda hates it, he gets it. He'd prolly be glaring at him too if he saw someone be this pathetic at comfort… but still. He can't just give up. Trying again, he does his best to /not/ make Chi cry again.

"Ah, shit. Don't... don't cry, Chi, s'okay. Not yer fault. Girls are just naturally weaker. That's why guys hafta protect 'em."

Seems that /that/ was the wrong thing to say too, if the way Sakura starts glaring at him is any indication. Should he just… fucking give up on talking in general now? Jesus Christ…

"What is that supposed to mean? Women can be just as strong as men, Mondo Owada, and I thought you would have realized that by now," Sakura practically growls, sounding furious. Mondo winces a little and raises his hands yet again, wishing he could just get his fucking words out properly for once.

"Present company excluded, a' course! I just mean... ya know. In general. Any guy who raises a hand ta a chick is fuckin' scum, and any guy who refuses ta leave a chick alone is just as bad. S'all," Mondo explains, before looking back at Chihiro with another grimace. He tries his best to smile when Chi looks up at him with big, watery eyes, though, and forcibly softens his voice. "Hey... c'mon now. I ain't gonna hurt ya. Tell ya what, I'll stop yellin', okay? An' I'll do my best ta not yell 'round ya again. That's a man's promise, which means I gotta keep it. Okay? So, uh... stop cryin'? Please?"

He feels so fucking apprehensive when Chi just looks at him with her wide ass eyes for several seconds, not saying a word. He lets out his breath when he sees her nod quickly, her hand rising to wipe away the tears that had fallen. Her lip still wobbles, making the smile she tries to give fade after a second, but at least she's no longer crying, thank fuck.

"O-oh... t-thank you, M-Mondo... I'm- I'm not upset at you, don't worry... I- I'm upset at myself... I should have been stronger... I hate how weak I am... I- I should have been able to fight back, to stop him- t-to stop him from doing that. A-and T-Taka... I'm so sorry... what he said to you... a-are you okay?" Chihiro asks, looking up at Taka with round, watery eyes.

Mondo doesn't think about that, though. Instead, all he can think is '/that fuckwad said something to Taka?! What the goddamn fuck?!',/ his anger rising again. When he thinks back, it makes sense. The kid had looked (and still looks) very shaken by something when he'd arrived. He'd dismissed that since Taka's been off all week, but if Chi is to be believed… that bastard said something to Taka? /His/ Taka? Goddamn… he so fucking regrets letting that fucker walk off with his legs still attached to his fucking body…

"Wait, that shit stain said somethin' ta ya, Taka? What the goddamn fuck did he say?! I'll fuckin' kill him!" Mondo growls, storming over to Taka, body tense and angry. He makes sure that his hands are kind and gentle when they touch the kid, however, barely a feather's touch as he brushes Taka's side. He can feel the shudder the kid gives, though, and his heart breaks when Taka cringes away from him, shaking his head frantically, like he- he's afraid that Mondo will hurt him or something, which is just… s-shit…

"N-no! I-it- it's fine! Don't... don't worry about me, Chihiro, kyoudai, I- I'm- I'm /fine/," the kid lies, badly. His body is trembling, and his lips are wobbling, and it's so clear that he's not okay, no matter what bullshit he is trying to pull. Pushing down his prior hurt, Mondo moves forward again, hoping the kid had just retreated out of residual fear from something else and not- not because of /him/. He lets his lips curl up into a gentle smile, his eyes soft as butter as he does all he can to hide the negative emotions that are still roiling through him. That's not important here. Nothing is important here other than Taka. Absolutely nothing.

"Hey... hey, Taka, it's okay, bro. Whatever that shit stain said don't matter, okay? He's a waste a' goddamn space an' he ain't worth yer mind, okay? I'll make sure he knows ta never bother any a' us again. Y'ain't got nothin' ta worry 'bout, Kiyo. I ain't gonna let him talk ta ya like that ever again. An' that's a promise."

He can see the kid's cheeks blushing lightly at his promise, some color finally returning to his too pale cheeks. It makes his smile turn more genuine, love and affection filling his heart for his precious kyoudai. God… if he could take away all of Taka's pain, even if it meant he had to take it on himself, he gladly would. If it made Taka happy and light and free? He definitely would. He'd do anything for this kid… goddamn anything…

"Y-you shouldn't... shouldn't hurt him, kyoudai... v-violence-"

"Taka," Mondo interrupts firmly and yet still gently, shaking his head, mouth turned down in another grimace. "Some people need ta get lessons beaten inta their goddamn skulls. That shit stain is just gonna keep doin' shit like this 'til someone makes him pay. Don't worry 'bout it, though. Ain't yer concern. Won't do it anywhere near school, promise. Don't ask me not ta, though. I can't let what he said ta me slide, if nothin' else. Got my reputation, ya know? Can't have him sayin' shit like that ta me without payin' him back in kind. Otherwise, people are gonna think I'm gettin' soft, an' I can't afford ta let shit like that happen. Not with how many fuckin' enemies I got, shit. But I ain't gonna tell ya 'bout it. Don't wanna worry ya. Just... don't think 'bout it. Please?"

Mondo feels so fucking nervous as Taka just stares at him, breathing raggedly. Part of him wants to take it back. To promise Taka he would never— /could/ never. To pretend that he's a better person than he is and continue living this make-believe life he's been living.

But…

Shit.

It is a lie. Ain't it? Him not beating the shit outta people. Him not being a goddamn /monster/. He's been getting into brawls and fist fights since he was old enough to walk, it seems. It's just… it's just who he fucking /is/. And while he loves Taka (like a brother, like a brother, like a fucking /brother/), he can't just pretend that he's not like that. That it doesn't still burn inside him, the desire to hurt others. And he knows that he'd never hurt someone who doesn't deserve it, right? Daiya raised him right and he knows better than that. But that piece of goddamn dog shit? He fucking /deserves/ to be beat. The douchebag ain't even a kid, technically, so he has absolutely no qualms of beating the shit out of him later.

And… and maybe that's bad. Maybe that's why Taka could never love him in any capacity. Maybe that's why he will lose the kid one day. But… s-shit. Can he really change that part of himself? Especially when it honestly doesn't bug him that much? When it burns so brightly inside of him? Some people need to be beaten, no matter what he once told Taka. It just… he just…

He gets pulled back into the conversation when Taka lets out a soft sigh, his head nodding slowly while his eyes bleed concern. S-shit… shit… that ain't good, it can't be good. Mondo is just about to promise that he won't do it, his own internal bullshit be damned, but then Taka is speaking. And what he says…

"Don't get caught, p-please kyoudai... I- I can't lose you..." Taka whispers, so soft that Mondo isn't sure he hears him right at first, certain he must have been hearing things. But then he sees the concern in his kyoudai's eyes. And he registers the tremor he'd had in his tone. And he… he realizes he had heard Taka right. Taka… Taka doesn't wanna fucking lose him. He… he doesn't…

Well. He'll be damned…

Smiling softly, relieved more than words can fucking say, Mondo leans forward and carefully— being mindful of his pomp like always— presses his forehead to Taka's, his hand raising to cup the smooth as silk cheek tenderly. He can feel Taka trembling against him, but maybe… maybe it ain't bad. Maybe… maybe Taka does value his friendship too… maybe… maybe…

"I ain't goin' nowhere, Taka. I know how ta do shit like this without it ever gettin' traced back ta me. Just... trust me. I know what I'm doin'. And I would never do anythin' that would make me leave you. Not a goddamn thing. And that... that's a promise."

Taka gasps, his eyelids fluttering softly as he looks at him, his breath shuddering on his lips. It makes Mondo's insides do something so fucking funny, the look Taka is giving him making him break out in a cold sweat, but it ain't fucking bad. Not… not at all… not now that he has some confirmation that this does mean something to Taka. Anything. He can feel electricity flow through his veins, and he feels so fucking alert right now. God… he wants…

"O-okay. I still don't think that violence is the answer... but I trust you, kyoudai. Do what you think is best."

Mondo chuckles at the concern and allows himself a moment to bask in Taka and his incredibleness. Hearing that Taka trusts him is like music to his ears, and as he holds the kid, he can almost pretend that things are okay. That Taka isn't all upset about something he refuses to talk to Mondo about. That Mondo isn't fucking this whole thing up just by being who he is. That… that things truly are okay.

He can't stay locked in Taka's embrace forever, though, so after that one moment he pulls back. His cheeks heat up a little when he remembers they're not alone in the corridor (he honestly kind forgot, shit), but it's not that bad. Not even when Hina squeals lightly for… some reason only chicks understand. Sakura is at least looking away to give them some privacy, though she's also smiling, and Chi also has a smile on her face, though Mondo can tell that it's a little weak and wobbly. She also still has tear drops clinging to her eyelashes, but she seems better. He hopes. Mondo can't say he likes all the attention, but it… it's fine. All… fine.

"O-oh... it's 4:05... w-we're late for the study session... I- I'm sorry guys... s-should we just... cancel it? I was looking forward to it..." he hears Chi mutter softly a couple moments later, looking up at the clock on the wall. Mondo looks as well, surprised to realize she's right. Oh, shit… yeah, they had that fucking study session, didn't they? Mondo had legit forgotten about that with everything that just happened. Unable to stop it, Mondo's eyes dart over to Taka, to see how he's taking the news that he's technically late. Seeing as how he has completely stiffened up and his eyes are wide… prolly not great. Shit…

"W-we can still do the study session! I-if... if you want to!" Taka cries, sounding so fucking desperate. It makes his heart clench, and he longs to just wrap the kid up in his arms and protect him from everything. He doesn't, since he has a feeling that the kid wouldn't approve largely because it would just make them even later, but…

"O-oh! Are you... are you sure? We don't have to, Taka, it's okay... I- I know you said you were fine, b-but... but it's okay if you- if you're not up for-"

"N-no!" the kid interrupts, looking like he's about to hyperventilate, his hands shaking horribly. It makes Mondo frown, and he's just about to say 'fuck it' to the whole thing and forcibly drag Taka away, when the kid stops shaking and forces a smile on his lips. It's painfully fake, though, and Mondo still kinda has the desire to remove Taka from this shitty situation… "I would love to do the study session! A- a great way to get what happened off all of our minds! If you- if you don't want to, w-we don't have to, but-"

"No, I would like to!" Chi interjects, smiling shakily again. She looks down to take a deep breath, visibly steeling herself. "I'm okay. I- I need to stop being so... so /weak/... I can handle a study session. I'm not- I'm not that weak..."

Hina nods furiously, before walking over to Chi and putting an arm around her shoulders. Mondo frowns when he sees Chi stiffen up, discomfort clear on her face. Huh… the fuck is that about…?

"Yeah! You're awesome, Chi! Hey, I know! Maybe you can join Sakura and me in the gym sometime, huh? We can work on getting stronger together! It'll be fun! Yay!"

Chi looks almost terrified at the request, the discomfort growing as she bites her lip, shrugging stiffly. Mondo can tell she doesn't really want to have Hina's arm around her, and luckily so does Hina after a moment, the swimmer smiling sheepishly and backing up to give Chi some space.

"U-um... m-maybe... l-lets go to the library... I think the others are wondering where we are... my phone's been buzzing..."

Mondo nods at the words, since he's also felt his phone buzzing this whole time. He just was ignoring it, since it ain't like it fucking matters. He watches as Hina takes her phone out of her pocket, grimacing at the texts their classmates have sent.

"Ooh, yeah, they're all concerned... oops! I'll send a message saying we'll be right there and that we'll explain when we get there. We should probably get going though. C'mon! Time to study hard and kick these exams in the butt!"

With that, the five of them begin heading to the library again, though Mondo can't help but shoot several concerned glances at Taka, and even a couple at Chi. Both of them still look shaken, though Taka is doing all he can to hide it. Mondo can see the downcast look in his eyes, though, as well as the stiffness in his shoulders. Chi is faring a little better, but he can still see the tears stubbornly clinging to her eyes whenever he glances her way. Too bad he has no idea how to help her. Either of them, really. Fuck…

The only upside to any of this is that at least they reach the library pretty quickly, the other four who had agreed to show up standing there with raised brows. Leon in particular looks very concerned; once he catches sight of Chi, at least.

"Damn, guys. The hell happened?" Kuwata asks with more concern than Mondo has ever heard the usually easy-going musician have. It almost makes him smile to see it, especially since Maizono is literally standing right next to him, and yet he's not paying her any hint of attention. However, he can see the tension in Chi's shoulders at the question, even as she smiles and shrugs, and he knows that this ain't the fucking time to hash it all out. Maybe Chi can tell Leon herself later if she wants, but it doesn't need to be brought up at the moment, honestly.

"Ain't a problem. Shit happened, it got taken care of. Now, we gonna study or not?"

The entire group shares a glance then, before collectively deciding that Mondo's right. Together they wander over to one of the larger library desks in a more secluded corner and they take out their study supplies. Taka still looks too dull for Mondo's liking, but he doesn't mention it as he boots up his school laptop and opens up the file that Taka has been making him copy the kid's class notes into.

While Taka is willing to share his notes with Mondo, he absolutely refuses to just let Mondo take the notes without any effort put into it. He makes Mondo copy them into a word document (he initially wanted Mondo to write it down by hand, since apparently that helps 'retain the knowledge better,' but conceded that typing was prolly a better choice after seeing Mondo's horrid handwriting) and insists he make at least one change per paragraph. It was annoying at first, but he's gotta admit that it actually has been helping him remember the shit better than if he just read the notes. And it means he doesn't have to worry about taking notes in class, since his kyoudai is so meticulous that Mondo is positive he learns more from copying the notes down than if he were to try and do it himself.

Mondo spends the next hour focusing on Taka and his honesty incredible study session. How the kid manages to be a better teacher than trained professionals, he doesn't know, but the shit actually makes so much more sense when Taka says it than when the teachers say it. Honestly, if the whole Prime Minister thing doesn't work out for him, Taka would make a killer professor, Mondo thinks with a small smile. It might even make going to uni worth it if he had a prof as enthusiastic and passionate as Taka, to be honest.

It almost shocks Mondo when the hour is up and everyone is starting to pack up to leave, since he'd not even really noticed the time was passing. Taka had been so much calmer than he's been all week while he'd been discussing the material and assisting with the essays, and it was just… nice. Mondo had distantly noticed when Hagakure— the absolute dumbass— had wandered in after about half an hour and had joined them, but other than that he'd been completely engulfed in the session. And while most of it was him feeling happy that Taka looked so /normal/, part of it was also the fact that it was kinda… nice. Ya know? Ta learn this shit. Or, well… review it, since he actually kinda knew most of it beforehand. Shock of all shocks, he knows. History has never been his favorite subject, but it honestly wasn't too bad. Plus, learning about the samurai is always fucking rad.

Mondo finds himself smiling as he puts his shit away, subtly watching Taka as their classmates thank him for his help, privately adoring the pink hue to Taka's cheeks. He doesn't quite like the uncomfortable look on his face, but beggars can't be choosers and all that, so he takes what little pleasure he can get at the moment, thanks.

Mondo predictably finishes clearing his shit before Taka can even get half of his shit put away, but Mondo doesn't mind. He just leans against a nearby bookshelf and watches Taka as he packs up, hoping to appear nonchalant. He has a feeling this is something he's gonna have to get used to if he wants to continue being Taka's friend. Which he does. Very, very much so. And it ain't that bad, honestly. Waiting for the kid. Not bad at all…

It does shock him a lot when he gets approached after a moment by Chi, or all people, the chick looking very… /afraid/, but also kinda determined. Which… does not bode well for him, shit…

"U-um, M-Mondo... can I, um... talk to you? In private? There... there's something I want to tell you, and I just... u-um... j-just need a minute, I promise..."

The shaking words makes Mondo frown, wondering what the hell the chick wants ta talk about. They may be kinda friends, but he didn't think they were that close, are they? He forces the frown off his face when the chick looks up at him, though, doing his best to smile at her. He doesn't want to hurt her, after all. She's a nice chick and he likes her well enough, he guesses. Not like /that/, but… ya know.

Still… he can't help but look over at Taka, not wanting to agree to talk to the chick if the kid isn't okay with it. While he knows he doesn't have to revolve his decisions around Taka and all, he doesn't wanna leave the kid high and dry like that. Not after what happened earlier with that fucking douchebag, not to mention their somewhat fight they're in. He'd hate it if he did something that made Taka even more unhappy with him.

It startles— and distresses— him a little to see that Taka is already staring at him, a small frown on his face as he looks between Mondo and Chi. That makes Mondo frown in response, not sure what to make of Taka's expression. It looks… upset. But Mondo has no idea in which way, honestly. Taka has been upset all week, so it's hard to tell if this is just the same nonsense that's been bugging him, or if it's something new. Shit. He really wishes that the kid would just fucking /talk to him/ already.

"Uh, hey, kyoudai-" Mondo begins, about to ask if the kid is okay or not, only to get cut off by Taka. Which… okay, /rude/…

"Y-you can go on ahead!" Taka exclaims, his voice softer than usual since they're in a library, but no less forceful. The kid is clearly trying to smile, but it wavers so fucking much that it barely registers as a smile at all. Plus, his hands are trembling as they put his pencils away, which is… yeah. Not good… "I will be fine on my own! I should probably look over my own literature essay again anyway; helping you all with yours reminded me of some things I wanted to change... I'll just head to my room and I'll see you later!"

Okay. Taka is clearly lying, even if he's not doing most of his usual tells. But Mondo can just /tell/, okay? But… what the fuck is he supposed to do, huh? Call the kid out? Say 'yeah, no, yer fuckin' lyin''? Say 'sorry Chi, no can do, my fuckin' kyoudai is clearly bullshittin' me an' I gotta go an' deal with this bullshit. /Again'/? Yeah. That'd be fine. The kid said he should go with Chi, and if he doesn't, that's super fucking telling. What it tells, he has no idea, but ya know what? Fine. Fucking /fine/. If the kid wants to lie and say he's okay with it… then /fine/. Whatever.

With a tight smile and a jerking nod of his head, Mondo turns back to Chi and gestures for the chick to lead the way, catching sight of her as she hastily looks away from him with bright red cheeks. It makes him frown, reminded again that the chick has a bit of a crush on him. It… honestly makes him feel a little awkward. He's never had a chick have a crush on him before. Not after getting to know him better, at least. It should make him ecstatic. Should make him pull out all the stops, doing all he can to entice the chick into going out with him. Should make him… feel more than a slight hint of dread, honestly.

He carefully doesn't think about why he doesn't want to do any of that shit. It… prolly isn't important. Heh.

Mondo pushes all thought of Taka out of his head as he follows Chi out of the library, the chick leading them… somewhere. Mondo doesn't actually know where they're going and he does his best to not let that fact bother him, forcing his mouth shut since he knows that if he talks now, he'll end up yelling accidentally, and he already /promised/ he wouldn't do that shit anymore. Not around Chi.

But fuck… he hates going places with people when he doesn't know shit about what's going on, or even where they're headed. Chi is lucky she's a nice chick, or else Mondo would be freaking the fuck out right now. Actually… he /is/ kinda freaking the fuck out, but he's doing his best to not let it show. He trusts Chi. He guesses. Even though they've barely spoken other than that one time and don't spend all that much time around one another. So… actually, uh… shit.

Despite himself, tension and unease rise within him as they reach an empty classroom on the second floor, Chi glancing back at him shyly before reaching for the door. The manners his brother pounded into his skull kick in then, however, and Mondo makes sure to get the door first, smiling awkwardly at the chick when she gives him a wide-eyed stare. His smile turns even more awkward when she flushes brightly and ducks her head so he can't see her face, though he swears he sees a hint of a pleased smile on her lips. Ugh. That's… hm. Okay. Whatever.

She enters the room quickly after that, and Mondo follows after her, still feeling a little awkward, but doing his best to squash the feeling down. He just hopes she's not going to… he doesn't know… confess her /feelings/ for him or something. That would be… ugh. He's never had to let a chick down gently before. Or let a chick down at all. He used to think he'd jump at any chance to be with a chick who actually was interested in him, especially one who is at least really cute like Chi is. He doesn't think about why that's not true anymore. It doesn't matter.

Once they are inside the room, the awkward tension seems to reach its peak, radiating in waves around the room. Mondo shuffles awkwardly to try and dispel the tension inside of him, while Chi just fiddles with her dress with her eyes on the ground, looking anywhere but Mondo. It reminds him yet again that he's a lot more socially awkward than he would ever care to admit.

It's after a full minute of awkward shuffling that Mondo finally bites the bullet and begins the talk that the chick apparently wants to have yet doesn't seem inclined to start.

"So… uh… ya wanted ta talk with me 'bout somethin'?" Mondo asks awkwardly, raising his hand to rub at his neck. His discomfort gets worse when Chi looks up at him with wide eyes, looking fucking horrified at something. Like… why the fuck had she asked to talk to him if she's so fucking scared of him…? He has to bite down on his anger, knowing that it would just make everything worse if he were to let it out. Plus, Chi is a chick, and he can't fucking yell at a chick, he ain't that fucked up. But fuck, is it hard…

"U-u-uh… y-yes, I, uh… d-did," Chi stammers, her cheeks bright red and her eyes misting again. Sighing internally, Mondo consciously loosens his shoulders, trying his best to make himself seem as least intimidating as possible. It doesn't seem to help, since Chi still looks about a second away from bursting into tears again. What luck…

"Yeah? So… the fuck did ya want?" Mondo asks after a moment passes and Chi doesn't say anything. He doesn't mean to sound harsh or anything, but Chi still lets out a squeak of fear, looking petrified again. Jesus Christ… with another internal sigh, Mondo smiles softly at her, doing his best to pretend that it's Taka he's talking to, since it's always been easier to be soft with Taka than anyone else.

And… strangely enough, it /works/. By imagining that it's Taka here that he's talking to, he can feel the pressure in his chest fade a little, making it easier to think about what he may be able to say to make Chi relax and stop viewing him like a monster.

"Hey. Chi. Y'ain't gotta be so nervous, got it? Whatever ya wanna say ta me, ya can just fuckin' say it, ya know? I ain't gonna yell at ya, I already promised ya that. So… if ya wanna tell me somethin', ya can just say it. Y'ain't gotta be scared a' me. I ain't that fuckin' bad, ya know…" Mondo mutters, flushing a little at the last part of his statement. Ah. He'd not meant to say that, heh… whatever.

Well, at least it seems that his words have successfully calmed Chi down. A little, at least. Instead of looking petrified, she just looks spooked, which is an improvement. He watches with somewhat dull eyes as she takes in several deep breaths, doing her best to calm herself, before she looks up at him with determination in her eyes again.

"O-okay… I- I know that you're not bad, M-Mondo… t-that's why I want to tell you this, actually… y-you… I- I look up to you a lot, y-you know… y-you're s-so brave and- and strong… e-everything that I… I'm /not/… a-and because of my weakness, Taka was hurt, and I was almost… i-if you hadn't shown up, I don't w-wanna think about what w-would h-have happened… b-because of my- my weakness… I- I wanna be strong I- I just… I don't know… I- I…"

Mondo's head is reeling by the trembling words the chick before him is uttering, her voice so wispy it's hard to follow it. The tears in her eyes have finally spilled over, trailing silver streaks down her cheeks, and Mondo feels at a loss for what to say to help. He knows what he'd do if this were Taka, of course. He'd go over to Taka, hold him tight, and whisper that he's not weak, not at all. That he's so fucking brave, so incredible. He'd wipe his tears away and do everything in his power to ensure that those tears would never, ever fall again.

But… shit. Chi ain't Taka. And there are some things you just can't do with a chick without it being inherently… he doesn't know. Sexual. Romantic. It's fine when he does that shit with Taka. Taka's a dude, they're kyoudai, it's cool. But Chi…? Yeah. Not really a thing he can just go and do.

But he can't do nothing. She's clearly distressed about what happened earlier, blaming herself and shit. And while the reminder that Taka was hurt by whatever that bastard said makes his blood boil, he knows he has something more important to deal with at the moment. Helping Taka will unfortunately have to wait.

Taking a deep breath, Mondo tries to formulate a response to the fragile chick.

"Uh… look, Chi. That ain't yer fault, okay? Like I said earlier, chicks can't help it if they're weaker. Yeah, maybe some chicks can be strong, like Sakura, but not all can. Ain't yer fault. An', fer what it's worth… I don't fuckin' mind takin' care a' douchebags like that, ya know? S'what I fuckin' do. Daiya always told me ta help others who needed it, no matter what. Even if I gotta get my hands dirty an' shit. So… I fuckin' do. 'Specially chicks an' other people who need help. So… uh… don't worry 'bout it?"

Mondo consciously stops himself from fidgeting, feeling like what he said was not nearly enough. That he didn't actually say anything helpful. Judging by the almost devastated look Chi has on her face, he has a feeling he's right. Before he can try and say anything else to save the moment, Chi begins to talk, her voice quiet as a mouse and trembling worse than he's ever heard it before. It takes him a second to understand what she's saying, she's trembling so hard. But when he does, Mondo… Mondo's entire world stops.

"But… b-but what if I- I… I- I w-w-wasn't? A- a… a girl? W-what- what if I- I… I- I… what if I was a- a… a boy? W-wh… I- I…"

Mondo just blinks at Chi, who is staring at him with wide, horrified eyes, her chest not moving she's so still. He can feel his face shifting to a neutral expression to hide the conflict and confusion he feels, and he can see Chi flinch back, but he… he has no idea what to think. Because… b-because…

"The fuck ya talkin' 'bout, Chi? 'Course yer a girl. A chick. The fuck d'ya mean by that shit?"

Chi flinches back dramatically at his emotionless words, hitting the blackboard at the front of class with a painful sounding thump. Mondo feels a hint of concern for her, but mostly he feels… he feels /confused/. He's not angry, he swears! Just… so fucking confused. It's such a shame that his confusion always comes across as anger to other people… Chi as well, apparently… ah, shit.

He can only watch, feeling a bit numb and detached, as Chi tries to explain herself, body shaking horribly and tears streaming down her face. It's so hard to understand what she's saying, but he thinks he can make out the most of it. Even if it… it doesn't make any fucking /sense/…

"O-o-oh, I- I… I- I'm s-s-sorry, I didn't- I… I never, I… M-Mondo, I- I mean i-it I am- am not… n-/not/ a- a- a… a /girl/, I- I am- am… am a /boy/, I- I am… a-am… I- I'm sorry! I- I didn't mean- mean to- to lie, I- I- I… I'm sorry- I… I….."

Mondo can feel that his face is set in his expressionless mask still, which he knows can look angry to people who don't know him— even to people who /do/ know him— but he doesn't know how to change it, dear god. Because… because Chi, she… s-she… or… should he say /he/…? Shit, is this… is this a fucking /joke/? Is someone recording this shit, trying to make him look like a fucking asshole?! He wouldn't have thought Chihiro to be the type to do that sort of shit, but clearly, he doesn't know her— /him/?!— as well as he thought he did! He… he doesn't… he isn't…

/She… he… they do look awfully afraid, though… s-shit…/

Mondo's insides clench at the thought, realizing how true it is. Chi… Chi does look terrified… doesn't sh- he- they? Suddenly, Mondo remembers something. Something Taka had said in one of his rants a week or so ago about what he'd change when he becomes prime minister. It was something about that letters group… the, uh… LG… TB… AI… something or other? Mondo will be the first to admit that he doesn't know much about all that shit, alright? Daiya was always cool with gay people and shit, but everything else he kind of shied away from and he didn't really talk about it much. And Mondo never really had anyone else who could teach him about that shit.

But Taka… Taka is very passionate about it all. He truly wants to help people from that community, as well as all minorities. He's just… just a great guy, right? And… and Mondo remembers him talking about something once. He called it… transgender? Said they're people who are just… born in the wrong body. Or maybe not that, but… but are people who are thought of as the wrong gender? Or something?

Mondo doesn't get it. And at the time, he didn't think he'd /have/ to get it. He'd never heard of people like that before, he didn't think it would ever affect him, so he'd not really bothered to think of it much.

But… but here, now… as he watches Chi press so far back into the wall it makes Mondo's back ache in sympathy… he wonders if maybe he shouldn't have asked more questions about it all. If he shouldn't have gotten more information, shouldn't have tried to… he doesn't know… fucking /educate/ himself. Because this… this sounds like that… yeah? Someone who is fucking /perceived/ as one gender but is actually another? Or is he wrong? He… he doesn't know. He just… f-fuck.

One thing he remembers Taka saying about people who are, ya know… transgender, is that they are often hurt a lot by people. That it takes a lot of courage to 'come out' and say that they are transgender. Mondo hadn't paid too much attention at the time, but now that he thinks about it, thinks about /Chi/ maybe being a victim of it… it makes him feel /angry/. Not at Chi, fuck no! Just… in general. At the fuckers who would hurt someone like Chi. And… and if this was Chi 'coming out' to him… then he has to be careful. R-right? Because then sh- he… he might be expecting anger and rage… right? Especially considering who Mondo is and his reputation… fuck, no wonder the dude looks so fucking terrified, shit…

Okay. Okay, so… maybe this is a trick. A joke. Someone playing a horrible fucking prank on him. But… but maybe… maybe this is real. Maybe Chi actually fucking means this. And if h- he… /he/ does, then… then Mondo has to be fucking… sensitive… yeah? That… that's what Taka would do… Taka is so fucking kind, he- he'd know what to do… god fucking dammit…

Still confused and a bit out of his depths, but knowing that he doesn't want to hurt Chi even accidentally, Mondo forces himself to take a deep breath. And then another. And then another. He keeps doing that until he can feel the swirling emotions rising in his chest settle a little. He can still see Chi cringing away from him, which honestly fucking hurts, but he… he gets it. If Chi is transgender… then it makes sense that h-he would be afraid when reveling his secret… yeah? And who the fuck knows why Chi would tell /Mondo/ of all people, considering his well-known anger issues, but… but he did. For whatever fucking reason… he did. It's the least Mondo can do to try and be respectful of that.

Feeling a bit calmer than he had earlier, though still really confused, Mondo takes a hesitant step forward, though he stops fully when Chi lets out a scared sob, h-his eyes closing and his hands coming up to protect his face. The action hurts Mondo more than he could possibly say, but he forces that the fuck down as he raises his hands in a soothing manner, like dealing with a spooked horse. Just in case Chi ever decides to look up at him again, really. And finally… even though he has no idea what he can possibly fucking say… Mondo speaks.

"Hey. H-hey, it, uh… it's okay. Chi. I, uh… I ain't fuckin' mad or angry or… or whatever. Can't say I'm not confused as all hell, but I ain't gonna hurt ya. Okay? Promise I won't ever fuckin' hurt ya, physically or not. So… uh… s-shit. Y'ain't gotta be scared a' me. Okay?" Mondo mumbles, voice as soft and soothing as he can make it, though he knows it holds a lot of his uncertainty in it. He just feels so far out of his depths it ain't fucking funny, but he… he doesn't want to hurt Chi. He just… he doesn't wanna fucking do that. They may not be close, but he likes Chi well enough. And he… he doesn't want Chi to be afraid of him. Not ever.

Mondo watches as Chi processes his words, his heart clenching as Chi slowly lowers his hands, blinking as he looks at Mondo, eyebrows furrowed and confusion clear on his face. Mondo has no idea what his own face is doing, though he knows it's not in the expressionless mask anymore. Whatever the dude finds there, though, clearly makes him relax, as the tense line he holds his body in calms down a little. He still looks fucking scared and unhappy, but at least he doesn't look like he thinks Mondo is going to beat him up anymore. Small fucking miracles…

"O-oh… I- I, um… I- I didn't think that…" Chi lies, badly. Mondo watches a bit listlessly as Chi fiddles with his skirt, biting his lip harshly and looking anywhere but at Mondo. It makes Mondo sigh deeply, which makes Chi flinch again in response. Of fucking course…

Chi continues to speak, then, his voice still trembling but more understandable than before at least.

"I- I do mean that… I just… g-got nervous. I- I've never really told anyone that b-before, you know… I- I mean, my dad knows, o-of course, but… I- I never had to tell him… I- I guess i-it's really confusing… um… d-do you w-want me to- to explain?"

Chi has the most awkward look on his face as he asks that, his hands clenching into fists in his skirt, and Mondo doesn't really know what to do. But he guesses getting an explanation would kinda help… so, still very confused and uneasy, Mondo nods sharply and waits for Chi to do something. It takes a moment, but soon enough Chi nods hesitantly back and begins walking over to the desks the room houses, making Mondo wonder if this is going to be a super long tale. While he understands that Chi is going through something kinda big, he… he doesn't want to leave Taka alone for too long…

But he can't leave this halfway either. Plus, he… he kinda wants to know what this all means. Part of him is still worried that this is a fucking practical joke, and he wants proof that it ain't.

So, despite his unease, Mondo follows Chi and sits down heavily on a chair beside the one Chi chose. He watches the dude flinch again, and Mondo is honestly getting a bit tired of that. Like… he gets it. He's a big bad biker gang leader. But he ain't an asshole, alright? Or… no, actually, that's a lie, he is an asshole, but just… not that big of one. And he knows he hasn't earned the right to not be seen as one, but it just… it hurts to know his classmates still view him that way.

He pushes that all aside once Chi begins his tale, Mondo listening with a furrowed brow as the dude describes how when he was younger, he was always teased and harassed for being so weak and fragile. How his classmates always called him a girl and would physically assault him, even going so far as to do things that infuriate Mondo completely. He fights to keep it down and just keeps his eyes on Chi, who is staring at the ground, eyes full of tears.

"I just… wanted it all to stop, y-you know? To not have to deal w-with it anymore… I figured that maybe if… if people thought I was a girl, then maybe they- they wouldn't… y-you know. Hurt me. A-and then, when my father told me we'd have to move for his job, I realized that I… I could do it. Could… could pretend…"

Chi trails off, biting his lip. Mondo says nothing as he waits, not sure what the fuck to think about any of this. Luckily, Chi continues pretty quick.

"For a while, it worked. I wore dresses and makeup and things like that, and people thought I was a girl. I didn't even really have to say anything about it, except to the teachers. The bullying stopped and I… I was able to focus on things I liked. Like… like programming."

A pause. A soft sigh.

"B-but… after a while, I realized I… I didn't like it. Pretending. T-the dresses and stuff were- were fine, but… I- I never liked people calling me a girl… I- I'm /not/. I'm a boy. E-even if people always said I wasn't… I am. And I don't like pretending I'm not. B-but by the time I realized that… my programming started to get noticed by people, a-and I started getting, um… f-fans… a-and I knew I couldn't reveal the truth. No one w-would understand… even if it made me weak to keep lying, I- I… I couldn't tell the truth…"

Chi's eyes tear up again, and Mondo watches as they fall down his face, feeling so overwhelmed inside at the truth Chi just revealed. He wants to support Chi. Right? He truly does. And maybe part of him understands what the dude is talking about. Like… he's living a lie himself, honestly. Maybe it's not the same, but he understands hating living a life built on a lie but knowing that you can't ever tell the truth. If anyone found out Mondo's truth… well. It would all be over for him, and he can't have that shit. He fucking /can't/. So… he gets that part. He truly fucking does.

But the rest of it… the dressing feminine, the pretending to be a chick, the… all of it. He doesn't fucking /understand/, even with Chi's explanation, and the lack of understanding is starting to make him feel anxious. Like an itch under his skin. The reminder to his own living lie just makes everything worse and he's just… fuck. Afraid that he's gonna say something wrong and fuck everything up. He doesn't want to hurt Chi. He wants to be supportive and understanding, like Taka would be if he were here. But Mondo /isn't/ a supportive and understanding person by nature, no matter how hard he may privately want to be. And he just… h-he just.

"I don't fuckin' understand," Mondo eventually says, head shaking slowly. He can see Chi's face fall, but he can't let that stop him. Even if he hurts the dude, he just… he has to say this. "I get livin' a lie. I get not wantin' people ta know yer truth. But I just… I don't… fuck!"

Mondo growls softly to himself, frustrated at his lack of words. Chi flinches again, and that just about kills him, but he… shit. He's so fucking bad at shit like this… why the fuck did Chi tell /him/ all this shit again…?

"Look. Ya say yer a dude, then fine. Whatever. I ain't gonna be a dick 'bout it. But just… why the fuck did ya tell me this shit? I ain't tryin' ta be fuckin' rude, but ain't there other people who ya could a' told this shit ta? Like Leon or Naegi or somethin'? Fuck, Taka would a' been a much better choice ta tell! He's good with shit like this! I… fuckin' ain't. So… I don't fuckin' know what the fuck ta say. Sorry, I guess…"

Chi looks at him through his lashes, biting his lip gently. He looks down after a second and shrugs, looking so fucking small and uncomfortable. Goddamnit…

"Um… I… I wanted to ask you something. S-something I thought you'd be able to help with… i-if you knew… b-but I understand if you don't want to… I…"

Mondo sighs again as Chi trails off, not even trying to stifle it this time. Fuck, is this all confusing as fuck…

"Just fuckin' say it. Worse case, I'll say no. No more than that, shit…"

He stares firmly at the boy, eyes steady when he looks up at him, only looking away when he notices that Chi is starting to get very uncomfortable with the scrutiny. What else is fucking new…

"O-oh… okay… um. W-well, why I told you is because I… I don't want to be weak anymore. I- I want to learn how to be stronger. Mentally and… a-and physically. Hina was saying that we could train together, to get me stronger, b-but… w-well, I can't really exercise with them, y-you know…? B-but I thought it- it would be a good idea. To, um… train. To get stronger. A-and I thought… I- I thought maybe you could, um… h-help me. B-but you don't have to! I… I'm sorry…"

Mondo's breath catches at the shaky request, mind reeling. Because… fuck. Because Chi wants to… to fucking /train with him/? To /get stronger/? He told him his fucking deepest and darkest secret, something he's kept safe for goddamn /years/… all because he wants to get fucking /stronger/?

Despite himself, Mondo can feel a spike of pure, envious /anger/ fill him, so pure and strong it chokes him a little. Because… fuck. Chi just told his deepest and darkest secret. To someone like /Mondo/, for fuck's sake, who is unfortunately known for his explosive anger. The amount of courage and balls that must have taken… Mondo can't even /imagine/ telling anyone his fucking secret. Not even Taka, since he knows the Moral Compass would hate him if he ever learned what Mondo did. And while he knows Taka will leave him one day, knows this all is temporary, the idea of progressing that departure is goddamn impossible.

But… to be able to tell Mondo his secret, despite clearly being terrified and scared… it… fuck! It chokes him how Chi is coming to /him/ to get stronger, when Chi is already stronger than Mondo could ever hope to be. Physical strength is meaningless if you lack mental strength. And if Chi can tell his fucking secret like it's fucking /nothing/…

Mondo is standing before he can consciously think about it, eyes firmly averted from the startled boy. His heart and stomach are clenched so horribly it hurts, but he has no idea how to untangle them. He just… he has to fucking go. Right fucking now, before he does shit he /knows/ he's gonna regret…

"I can't fuckin' deal with this bullshit. I just… I fuckin' /can't/. Ya wanna get stronger, ya wanna stop bein' so goddamn weak… then good on ya. But I don't know if I can fuckin' help ya out. I fuckin'… goddamn. God /fuckin'/ damn! I… I gotta fuckin' bounce. I won't tell anyone what ya told me. Man's promise. Promise between men, I guess… s-shit. I'll let ya know 'bout the trainin' thing. I gotta think 'bout that shit an' I can't do that now. I just… fuck. I gotta fuckin' leave now. Fuckin' /bye/."

With those unceremonious words, Mondo stumbles out of the classroom, leaving a wide eyed, terrified looking Chihiro behind him. He feels a spike of self-hatred fill him at the fact, but he can't fucking help it. If he doesn't leave right the fuck now, he's going to fucking explode, he's sure of it. And he doesn't want that. Fuck, he doesn't want that.

But fuck… this shit is so fucking overwhelming. He still doesn't know if Chi is transgender or not. He doesn't know what any of that even meant. He doesn't know anything, and it's not like he can fucking ask anyone for advice. He promised he wouldn't tell anyone, and he fucking won't. Not even Taka. The thought of hiding something from his kyoudai pains him, but it ain't his secret to share. But without being able to ask about this shit, how the fuck can he figure out what it even means? He doesn't know. He doesn't know. He… he doesn't /fucking know/. And that fact is freaking him the fuck out.

Mondo storms through the halls, heading down to the first-floor dorms, his head a complete mess. He pauses when he passes the first dorm in the hall, eyes lingering on the crude depiction of his precious as fuck kyoudai, but he quickly presses on and heads to his dorm instead. He presses his key card to the lock and stumbles into his room, his breathing a bit too heavy but he doesn't know how to fucking fix it. Everything that's been going on lately is just… too fucking much. First Taka starts being all distant, something bothering him greatly that he's keeping from Mondo. Then that piece of shit tries to harass Chi, saying /something/ cruel to Taka in the process that Mondo has no idea about. And now, /now/ Chi tells him that he's actually a dude and he wants Mondo to help him /get stronger/, when Mondo has never felt weaker or more pathetic in his life! Shit… he can't even help the person who means the absolute most to him in this godforsaken life of his. How the fuck is he supposed to help someone like Chihiro, when he has no idea what is even going on anymore?! He just… he doesn't…

He's not cut out for this shit. He just /isn't/. When he came to Hope's Peak, he knew this shit was going to be a challenge, but he never imagined shit like /this/ happening. School shit he could deal with. He never fucking cared about that goddamn bullshit, so it didn't matter if he failed out (or so he'd once told himself). But this… feelings and expectations and being asked do things other than punch and beat people up… this isn't what he was expecting when he came here. And he can't help how overwhelmed he's feeling.

He's not good with doing shit like this. He's just /not/. All his life he's solved all his problems by punching them until they went away, or else pushing it so far down it didn't bother him anymore. He's never been expected to help people in a way that didn't involve violence. Why does anyone even possibly think he may be able to do shit like that, huh?! He's just a goddamn criminal biker, for Christ's sake! He… he can't help anyone… fuck, he can barely help himself most days… he can't even help Taka, the person he _loves_ cares about the most…

Mondo paces his room for a few minutes, his shoulders hunched up and his eyebrows furrowed, until he can't take it anymore. He was hoping to calm himself down enough to go to Taka to try and help him, but all he's managed to do is work himself up even more, his chest screaming at him it's so tight and angry. He wants to find a douchebag (maybe that douchebag from earlier, Christ) and slam his fist into his face again and again until his insides don't hurt anymore, until this goddamn /ache/ is gone, but he knows how disappointed Taka would be in him if he did that. And he just… he can't fucking deal with that right now. He /can't/.

But he can't stay here, either. He feels stifled, suffocated, like he can't fucking breathe. His hands are shaking, and his mind is blanking, and he just… he needs…

He's storming out of his dorm and towards the entrance of the school before he can consciously think of it. His keys are in his hand and his eyes are glaring ahead of him, focused solely on putting one foot in front of the other, his head a haze of angry fog. He distantly notices that he's passing some of his classmates, but no one even dares to try and talk to him, so he doesn't spare them a second's thought. He can't.

As soon as he's on his baby he's gunning it out of the parking lot, no destination in mind, just /away/. Part of him wants to call up his gang, ask if they're still in the area and if they want to meet up again, but he honestly doesn't know if he could even handle easy shit like that. Christ. How fucking pathetic…

Mondo doesn't know how long he drives, not caring about anything at all. He doesn't even care that he's going far faster than Taka would approve of, since it doesn't fucking /matter/. None of this… abso-/fucking/-lutely none of this matters. The sun starts to set at some point, and he can feel his stomach growl at him, but he ignores it and just drives faster and faster, doing all he can to outrun everything. He can't help it. Running is all he knows how to fucking do. Run from his past. Run from accountability. Hell, he even ran from his goddamn /gang/ the minute he was able! He can't stick it out and help shit. He can't be who Taka needs him to be, he can't be who Chihiro needs him to be, he… he can't do fucking /anything/, can he? Fuck… fuck!

Eventually Mondo begins to slow down, his heart still aching but exhaustion rising within him. With a sigh, he pulls over into a gas station and figures he might as well take the time to fill his girl up. Maybe he fails everything and everyone, but fuck does he not want to fail his baby, too.

"I'm so fuckin' sorry, girl… I… shit," Mondo mumbles, shoulders so fucking tense it honestly kinda hurts. He jerks the nozzle of the pump and places it carelessly into the tank, something he's done a thousand times before and will prolly do a million times again. He stares sightlessly at the nozzle, his heart aching stupidly.

When the tank is full, Mondo removes the nozzle and heads in to pay for the gas. He hands over his school's debit card without care, not caring that the clerk looks /scared/ as he charges the card. He takes it with a grunt when the clerk hands it back with shaky hands and a fearful look, before storming back to his baby.

It's as he reaches his baby that he slows down, his breath escaping him slowly as he stares at his ride. With shaky hands, he caresses her body, as reverent as he can be while in this funk of his.

He… he remembers the day he first got her. Dai had been working hard on building the gang, getting a few local kids to join him, claiming they would get back at the corrupt city they lived in. Mondo had been eleven, mostly just tagging along while Dai did the hard work, wishing he could join the gang itself. To do that, though, he'd need a hog of his own, which he hadn't had the resources to get at the time. Dai would let him drive his hog sometimes, but it wasn't the same.

Then, one day, Dai told him he had a surprise for him. His bro had been grinning brightly, unable to contain his excitement. Mondo had been immediately intrigued, asking Dai every two seconds what the surprise was, but his bro refused to tell. Dai always loved surprises, he remembers with a sad smile. Dai took him on his hog then and drove him to an unspecified location, Mondo wondering what his surprise would be, growing more and more impatient as the drive went on.

Finally, they arrived at an empty lot, where Mondo was surprised to see all of the gang standing around, all wearing similar grins as Dai on their faces. The gang wasn't very big at that point, maybe ten to fifteen boys, but it had still been very impressive to him at the time to see them all gathered together, wearing the basic leather jackets they'd had back in the beginning.

He had then noticed that they all were standing around something, blocking it from view. He got very excited then, running over to see what the surprise was. Dai had come over more sedately and had leisurely begun to talk about the surprise, saying shit that didn't matter, dragging the suspense out like the asshole his brother could sometimes be. It was just as Mondo was about to have a meltdown that Daiya finally got to the point, stating how proud he was of Mondo and how he'd done so much to help the gang grow (which wasn't entirely true, he'd mostly just acted as lookout and had found a couple members who were the older siblings of some of his classmates), and that the gang figured it was time to make Mondo an official member. This had confused Mondo, since he knew the only way to become an actual member was if he had his own hog, which he didn't have. But then… then the gang had stepped back, and he'd been able to see what they'd been hiding. And he'd seen…

A hog. A /Kawasaki/ to be exact, the best brand for hogs. It was shining black, not exactly new with some nicks and dings, but still beautiful. Still amazing.

Mondo had stared at it in shock, knowing that this particular hog didn't belong to any of the gang members. He hadn't quite realized what it all meant, not at first, so he'd turned to his brother with furrowed brows and a confused frown on his face. Dai just had that shit eating grin, before he lifted his hand and held out a set of keys.

"Well? Ain't ya gonna go an' see yer new ride, kid?" Daiya had asked, tossing the keys when Mondo didn't move to take them. Mondo caught the keys on instinct, staring at them with wide, wonder filled eyes. After a solid fifteen seconds of staring, he'd realized that this was /real/. That that beautiful as sin hog was /his/.

He's a little ashamed to admit that he'd let out a super loud whoop of joy, rushing to the hog as soon as he could, checking out all of the features she contained. Dai had laughed but had answered all of Mondo's rapid-fire questions patiently, his grin wider than he'd ever seen it before. Apparently, he and Daisuke had been fixing the girl up for months and she had originally been meant as an eleventh birthday gift for Mondo, but the repairs had taken longer than they had expected, so they'd had to delay it a month and a half. But Mondo hadn't cared. Not when he had /his own ride/. Dai never told him where he got the hog, and Mondo never asked. He didn't care. He didn't care about anything.

The rest of the day after that had been a blur, but Mondo remembers getting his first duster from one of the older gang members, and then finally getting on what would soon become his pride and joy. He's luckily always been tall for his age, even before his final growth spurt at thirteen, so he'd not had any trouble driving his girl, his grin wide on his face as he zoomed around the empty lot for hours with the gang, wind in his hair, feeling so light and free.

He'd eventually followed Dai back to their place, driving slower than he normally would, simply because he hadn't wanted anything to happen to his new baby. Dai had teased him about it later, but he knew his bro understood. It was the most precious thing he'd ever owned after all. He didn't want shit to happen to her. He still doesn't.

As Mondo continues to look at his baby, mind full of old memories, he can feel himself relax. Just a little. These old memories always hurt like shit, considering how that chapter of his life ended, but… but it helps remind him of the important shit. Of what matters and why. His brother didn't raise a quitter. His bro always thought the best of him, always wanted him to be the best fucking person he can be. So, he… he can't fucking give up just because this shit is hard. Just because he doesn't know what the fuck he is doing. He owes it to fucking /everyone/ to just… see this thing through. Even if he fails. He just… he's gotta fucking do it. Like he's told himself so many fucking times by now…

With a soft sigh, Mondo mounts his hog and turns her on, his movements a lot less angry than they had been before. He gives himself one second to orient himself, taking a single deep breath, before he pulls out of the gas station and back onto the road.

It doesn't take him long to figure out where he is, the signs telling him he's about 60km outside of Tokyo. Depending on traffic, he should be back at Hope's Peak within the hour. He shoves away the reluctance he feels inside at the thought and focuses on getting back to the fucking school. He ain't no quitter, he tells himself forcefully. He fucking ain't. Daiya didn't raise no fucking quitter.

The drive back doesn't take long, but the weight that grows larger inside Mondo the closer he gets makes it feel like ages have passed as he drives. The sun fully sets when he's about ten minutes out, a bubble of anxiety rising within him at the thought of how late he is for dinner. Shit, it's prolly over by now, ain't it… he doesn't care that he missed the meal, he can always grab a bite to eat from the kitchen later if he gets hungry, but he hates the thought of making Taka wait for him. He's already a bad enough kyoudai… making the kid wait for him needlessly is just the shit icing on the shit cake, ain't it…

By the time Mondo pulls into the parking lot of the school, his chest is tight again, everything in him so fucking upset. He hates it so fucking much, but he just… he can't push it down. Everything is just too much and being here is like agony. He can't run, though, he can't keep doing that shit. He made a promise to Taka, and he can't break it. He fucking /can't/.

He walks through the halls in a daze, his breathing heavy as he moves forcefully on. He passes no one in the halls, which he is thankful for. It allows him to reach the dorm hallway unhindered, his stomach swirling unpleasantly as he moves steadily onward.

Finally, he stops before a familiar door, eyes tracing the crude depiction of his kyoudai almost reverently. It makes him smile softly, seeing the severe pixelated art. He even absently raises his hand and traces the lines, humming softly. Christ, does he hope that shit between them gets better soon… he honestly misses being able to be close to Taka without worrying if he's fucking everything up. They'd not had that for long, only two weeks, but he'd quickly learned to crave it. And then he ruined it. Like he fucking ruins everything, because he's a goddamn fuck up who can't do shit right. Fuck…

Pushing down the pang of pain that fills his heart, Mondo quickly rings the bell, hoping the shaking of his hands isn't that noticeable. He can feel his heart start to race, his breathing quickening, and he does all he fucking can to stuff it down, knowing he can't fail any more. He just… he /can't/…

A minute passes as Mondo tries to control his emotions, the door not opening. With a small frown, Mondo lifts his hand and rings the doorbell a second time. Is… shit. Is Taka not in…? Goddamnit, he hadn't thought of that. The kid usually is in his room at this time of night, but if he ain't, then maybe he's in the library? Or the computer lab? Or maybe even still eating dinner? Shit, the kid could be fucking anywhere, and by the time Mondo gets to a place, maybe he'll be somewhere else… should he text? Call? Would Taka want that? Or would he just be bothering the kid, who clearly wants nothing to do with him anymore, because why would he, Mondo is fucking pathetic, weak as shit and worthless and disgusting and a monster and-

The door starts to open then, cutting off Mondo's train of thought. Quickly wiping all of his stupid emotions off his stupid face, Mondo stands up straighter and turns to look at the door, eyes unseeing, barely even registering the sight of his kyoudai in his periphery, his eyes trained somewhere to the left of the door. Shit… god fucking damn him…

"H-hey, M-Mondo... are you... are you okay?" he hears Taka's familiar voice bite out, but it… it sounds /wrong/. Like… all weak and ragged, like Taka is unhappy about something. Mondo whips his head around to face Taka, eyes wide, and he takes in how ragged the kid looks. It doesn't seem like he's been crying, since his eyes aren't more red than usual, but he looks… worn. Unhappy. Like he has this entire week, but worse somehow. Fuck… he knew he shouldn't have stayed away so fucking long, he should have come straight to Taka as soon as that bullshit with Chi was over with, Christ, why is he /so fucking awful at this shit, god fucking dammit-/

Unable to stop himself, Mondo's hand reaches out and brushes across Taka's temple. It's something he's been doing for a while now, a habit since Taka's hair is so often getting into his face. He doesn't have to do it today since Taka had gelled his hair back earlier for some reason, but something about the action is just… soothing to him, he guesses. Having some small way to touch Taka. He can see how the kid trembles under his touch, which concerns him even more. Fuck…

"Shit, Taka... ya doin' okay? No offense, but ya look like shit... fuck, ya didn't forget ta eat again, did ya? Dammit, didn't mean ta be so long, Chi- uh. Shit. Things ran long. Didn't expect what he- she! Told me. Needed some... some time ta think. If ya wanna get some food now, we can head to the kitchen, I'm not hungry, but I can make ya somethin', I dunno... s-shit..."

Mondo can feel his cheeks heat up at the pathetic rambling, hating himself so fucking much for how terrible he is at this. Why… why is he fucking bothering? He's just going to fail. Fuck, he already almost broke his promise to Chi to not tell anyone! What the fuck is wrong with him?! Why the fuck is he like this?! Why can't he just /be what people need him to be, Jesus fucking Christ-/

"A-ah! N-no, I'm alright, don't worry about me! I, um. I ate with the others, I- I'm sorry... I thought you would arrive, but then you didn't, and I figured I might as well get some studying in, and- and-"

The guilt in the words kills him, and Mondo is raising his hand to cup his kyoudai's cheek before he can really think about it. It's just… comforting to him. To touch Taka. To feel his warmth under his palm. To feel him in general. Fuck, does he love the feel of the kid… creepy as that fucking sounds. He always feels so fucking soft and sappy around the kid, and he knows he shouldn't like it, he's a goddamn biker for Christ's sake, but… he does. Like it. Holy shit does he like it…

"Hey, no worries, Taka. S'cool. I'd rather ya eat than hang 'round uselessly waitin' fer me. Ya need the food. Anyway, if y'ain't hungry, wanna head back ta my room an' watch a movie or some shit? Got some popcorn I can pop in the kitchen an' some candy an' soda an' shit. Proper movie night fer once. Whaddya say?" he says softly, gently. He smiles at the kid, forcing his face to be as kind and caring as it can go, knowing he's failing but having to try. Maybe… maybe if he just tries hard enough Taka will see how much he cares and he won't leave him. It's a long shot, but it's all he has, so it's all he can fucking do.

When a minute passes and Taka doesn't say anything, just stares at him with wide eyes, his breathing growing ragged. Shit… shit, did the kid hear him? Is he unhappy about the pathetic request? God he doesn't know… he just…

"Taka? Uh... bro, did you hear me?"

He watches numbly as Taka blinks, before forcing a smile on his lips, nodding with what Mondo knows is faux enthusiasm. Fuck… fuck!

"Y-yes! I- I would love to watch a movie with you, kyoudai! I... I- I..."

Taka blinks again, and then again, the shininess of his eyes growing with every passing second. It concerns Mondo so much, wondering if it's his fault (of course it is, everything is) or if it's something else, if he's still shaken about whatever that shit stain said earlier, or… or… fuck! He doesn't know! He… he…

He reaches out the hand not cupping Taka's face and gently brushes the kid's side, his stomach clenching when Taka jolts, looking terrified. Shit, he… he's scaring the kid, oh… god… what the fuck is wrong with him…? And- and why the fuck can't the kid just say what he means? Why can't he just /tell him what's wrong/? Why does Mondo have to always be guessing, always be /failing/? Why… fucking /why/?!

"Shit... Taka, y'ain't okay, are ya? Shit man, ya gotta... ya gotta quit hidin' this shit from me. I can't help ya if I don't know what the fuck is goin' on. I wanna help ya, please man. Stop shuttin' me out. Was it whatever that shit stain said? Or did somethin' happen after that? Or b'fore? Ya gotta give me somethin' man, 'cuz I dunno what ta do an' I just... I hate seein' ya like this... an' I feel so fuckin' helpless, knowin' yer hurtin' but not knowin' how ta fix it. An' it's not just today, it's been like this a while. Shit, are ya still mad at me fer what happened on Halloween? I thought we fixed that, but if not, tell me, I'll do whatever the fuck you want, Taka, please, man-"

"S-stop," Taka rasps, his body trembling harder than ever before. He's not yet started to cry, but Mondo can see the tears gathering, and it destroys him to see it and know he's just not good enough to make it stop. To take Taka's pain away. He's just… not enough… "It has nothing to do with you, kyoudai, nothing. I- I can handle it, I am handling it, please don't worry about me, Mondo, please, I can deal with this, I can... I- I can... you don't have to worry..."

Okay, that's it. Shaking his head, he gently pushes Taka back, knowing that whatever they're about to talk about needs to be done privately, not out in the open where anyone can see them. Because even now, after all that Mondo has tried to show this kid… Taka still doesn't understand just what he means to him. Fuck…

"I can't help but worry 'bout you, kyoudai. You... shit. You mean so much ta me, I keep tellin' ya that, when are ya gonna listen? I mean it when I say I care about you. When I say I'm worried. You don't... you don't gotta deal with it all alone anymore, man. You've got me. Whatever it is... let me help you. Just... give me something, man. 'Cuz it feels like you're slipping away from me and the more I try and hold on, the further you go, and I just... are you mad about the violence? 'C-cuz I... I won't do it if it upsets you, Taka, Kiyo, please... please..."

Mondo can't stop the way his breathing grows heavy again, his words less laid back, like they get when he's truly upset about something. He doesn't want Taka to see this part of him, the weakness he holds, but he honestly can't help it. It hurts so fucking much inside, and he's so afraid that he's going to lose Taka, the best goddamn thing in his fucking life, and he… he doesn't know how to handle that. He always knew he'd lose Taka one day, but- but… but why did it have to be so fucking soon?! He'd been hoping he could at least have until the end of school, that he wouldn't have to see the kid every goddamn day and mourn his loss, but of course he wouldn't… of course he'd be so pathetic and terrible that he couldn't even last a month… of course. Of course. Of /fucking/ course. He… he can't… he just…

"I asked my father if he loved me today," Taka suddenly gasps, cutting off Mondo's self-deprecating thoughts. He watches as Taka closes his eyes, and Mondo is privately glad for that since he has no idea what look is on his face right now. Prolly confusion, because… what does that have to do with anything…? It clearly pains Taka, though, so Mondo tightens his grasp on the kid's face and steps closer, hoping to maybe provide… he doesn't know. Comfort? Solidarity? Shit…

"An'? W-what happened?"

Taka doesn't answer right away. He just takes a few deep breaths, his shoulders strangely relaxing a little. After a few moments, he opens his eyes, giving Mondo a small, heartbreaking smile.

"He told me not to ask stupid questions. I- I should have known, h-he always hates when I... when I ask stupid things, I shouldn't have asked it but... I just... I don't know sometimes. He never says it and it's stupid, I know he l-loves me, h-he must, b-but I just... I don't know." Taka pauses, and he looks down at his hands. He lets out a soft laugh, breaking Mondo's heart further. "Sometimes I think he would have preferred had it been me. Not my mother. That... I think he'd be happier if he had her and not me. I..."

No. No. Fucking… /no/. Taka… h-he can't be fucking saying this shit again, he can't… h-he can't believe that maybe it would be better if he weren't… if he… o-oh god…

Quicker than he can think, Mondo finds his arms wrapping around Taka, pulling him as close as humanly possible. He… he can't believe he forgot that the kid struggles with shit like this. That he sometimes thinks that maybe it would be better if he… if he weren't… shit, Mondo can't even think it. Because it's so blatantly /wrong/, so fucking wrong… Mondo doesn't know what he would do if he ever lost Taka. Not- not like that. He… honestly, he doesn't think he'd survive that shit. That he'd just get on his hog and ride hard and fast until he was forcibly stopped. And if he never had met Taka… shit. He doesn't wanna think about that either, since meeting Taka was the best goddamn thing to ever happen to him.

He… fuck, he loves this kid so goddamn much… to think there are people out there that don't… that Taka's own /father/ doesn't… it… fuck, it doesn't make sense. He doesn't get how someone could know Taka and not love everything about him. He's so perfect it's not funny, and it honestly /infuriates/ him to think that the kid's da doesn't see that. Taka deserves better. He deserves more. So, so much more…

"Taka... f-fuck man... the hell is your ol' man's deal?! How the /fuck/ could he say that shit ta his own fuckin' kid?! Ta you?! Damn, Taka, it ain't you, it ain't your fault, your da... yer da's a piece a' shit, absolute garbage, an' ya don't fuckin' deserve havin' him say that shit ta ya... if he doesn't love ya, then that's his fuckin' loss, 'cuz you're one of the easiest people to love, shit, Taka..."

Taka pulls away from him and shakes his head frantically, eyes wide, his breath stuttering out in harsh gasps. It breaks something inside Mondo to see, and in that second, he knows he'd do fucking /anything/ go make that look go away. Absolutely… anything…

"N-no... no, Mondo, you don't understand, y-you don't understand, I'm a terrible child, I never did what I was told, he never understood why I cared so much, I was such a /burden/, I should have been better, done more, tried harder, I- I tried so hard, I wanted him to love me, I wanted him to /love me/, and I failed, I always fail, I can't- I can't- Mondo you don't understand, you're going to leave me and I'm going to be alone again and I can't- I can't- I- I- I... I..."

Oh, god… god, Mondo doesn't think he's ever felt so much pain before, and /fuck/ has he felt pain. He lifts both of his hands and grabs Taka's face, tight and secure, and he presses his forehead against Taka's, and it's not enough, not nearly enough, but he doesn't know what else to do, he can't, he… he…

But Taka is panicking. He can feel it, see it. He needs help, he needs Mondo to help him calm down, and so… he pushes his own panic down and forces himself to be as calm as he can. Taka needs him right now. He won't fail him. He /won't/.

"Shh... kyoudai, shhh... yer panickin' again, gotta calm yerself, c'mon Taka, breathe with me man. Look at me and breathe with me and let's calm ya down. Yer talking nonsense, man, I ain't fuckin' goin' nowhere, I ain't ever gonna leave ya, not fuckin' ever. But we gotta get ya ta calm, so just... breathe with me bro, I need ya ta breathe. We can figure this all out once ya breathe. Okay?"

Mondo forces his voice to be low and steady, calm and soothing, and he can feel as Taka begins to settle. The kid takes in a deep breath, like Mondo has taught him, but then it shudders out and Taka is panicking again. Mondo immediately presses closer, talking again, saying that Taka is okay, he's /okay/, that Mondo is here and will always be here.

It takes Taka a while to fully calm down. It's clear the kid is struggling with everything that's been going on this week, which Mondo is positive is more than just the bullshit with his da. But that's okay. Mondo doesn't mind holding the kid, rubbing his back, and saying the sappiest, stupidest shit. Not if it helps Taka. He'd gladly make a fool of himself if it just makes Taka feel better.

After a while Mondo thinks it may be better to lie down, that maybe it will help Taka to be more grounded. Dai used to do that shit with him when he was little and was facing the worst of his panic. As carefully as he can, he maneuvers both Taka and him to the couch, holding the kid as he lays them down upon it. Feeling Taka's weight atop him is honestly more soothing than he can say, helping so much with his own worries and concerns. He rubs Taka's back, presses the kid's head to his chest, and he says whatever soothing bullshit he can think of. Anything to help Taka. Anything.

After a little while, when Taka keeps panicking despite everything, Mondo… shit. He doesn't know why, but he remembers something his bro used ta do when shit got super bad for him, and he wouldn't calm down no matter what. And it's stupid, so fucking stupid, but… but if it possibly might help Taka… even if it just makes the kid laugh uncontrollably at how stupid and pathetic he is, then…

Running one hand through Taka's hair, the other still rubbing soothing circles on the kid's back, he… Mondo, he…

Begins to fucking sing…

And he knows how stupid it is. Okay? He does. Just… Daiya used to sing to him sometimes. Back when he was real little, before their old man left even. And he remembers how much he loved hearing his bro sing to him, even though he honestly couldn't sing that well. There was one song in particular that his bro liked to sing him during the bad days. An English song from a band Dai liked. And this song, it just… it always helped him. And if it can help Taka, then… shit…

"/Hey Jude, don't make it bad… take a sad song an' make it better. Remember, ta let her into yer heart… then ya can start… ta make it better/…"

He sings it softly, his embarrassment preventing him from going too loud. And he knows his voice is god awful, he rarely— if ever— sings, but he hopes Taka doesn't hate it completely. Hopes that it helps. Fuck does he hope it helps… he knows the kid knows English, he mentioned that his ma grew up in America and taught him the language while he was growing up, so he prolly doesn't have to worry about that aspect…

Thankfully, during his song he can feel Taka relax against him, his breathing evening out and all the tension remaining within him flowing out. By the end of the song, Taka is fully melted against him, his breathing as even as it ever is, the panic no longer affecting him quite as bad. Which is… fuck. Good. He hopes.

After a few minutes of laying like that, no sound being made by either of them, Mondo figures he might as well check in on the kid. See if he really is doing better or if he's just… he doesn't know. Hiding shit again. Like he always fucking does…

"Hey... kyoudai, ya feelin' any better?" Mondo mutters, still running his hands through his hair and along his back. As such he can feel when Taka stiffens, but luckily the kid relaxes almost immediately, the tension not taking hold. And then he… he lets out a soft, almost happy sounding sigh, nodding slowly.

"Y-yes... thank you, kyoudai... I..." Taka pauses, and Mondo thinks he's about to apologize like he always does. However, when he finally speaks all he says is, "I truly appreciate it, my dearest kyoudai... you are too kind to me."

Mondo shakes his head immediately at that bullshit, so firmly his entire body moves with it. He makes sure to keep his hands gentle, though.

"Nah, I'm not. Ya deserve it an' so much more. More than I have ta offer, that's fer damn sure, heh... but I just... I ain't goin' nowhere, Kiyo. No matter what, I'm here ta stay. I don't care how many times I gotta do this with you, how often ya need me ta hold ya... I ain't ever leavin'. Not unless ya want me gone. Ya deserve so much more, Kiyo... an' I swear I'm gonna get ya ta see that one day, man. Ta see how incredible ya are ta me... that's a Mondo Owada guarantee, heh..."

And he means it. /Fuck/ does he mean it. He ain't ever going anywhere, not until Taka finally sends him away. If it were up to him, though, he'd never leave. Never part from his precious as fuck kyoudai. He doesn't care if he has to soothe the kid every fucking day of his life. Just as long as he knows he's actually helping and not making things worse.

And he honestly doesn't know if he is helping or making things worse… especially not when he feels the kid slowly grow tenser and tenser, all the effort he put into helping him relax getting ruined. With a soft sigh, he pulls Taka closer, trying to formulate what to say to finally, finally help… for once in his fucking life.

"Yer thinkin' too hard again, bro... I can practic'ly feel the heat risin' off ya. We gotta take that bath tomorrow, get some a' this tension outta ya... shit. Just... don't worry 'bout what yer da did or didn't say, okay? If he don't love you, like I said, it's his fuckin' loss. I can't imagine anyone knowin' you an' not lovin' everythin' 'bout you. 'C-cuz... shit. Kyoudai... /I love you/." (/shit, wait, that came out wrong, fuck)/ "L-like a brother," (/better/) "I love you like family, an' if he can't... well, that shows what kind a' piece a' shit he is. He ain't deservin' a' ya, if he can't see how goddamn incredible ya are... shit, man..."

He can immediately tell the kid is crying. They're not loud, angry, sorrowful sobs, but just… silent tears. He wouldn't even have realized the kid was crying if he couldn't feel the way his shoulders tremble, or the warm dampness that forms on his chest. It breaks his heart, but he's come to learn that Taka just… cries sometimes. It helps him, he guesses. Mondo honestly envies him for his ability to cry without shame. Mondo sometimes wishes he could cry without worrying about being weak.

But he can't do that, he /can't/. He just… fuck. But what he can do is ensure that Taka knows that it's okay. That he's okay and that Mondo will always be there for him. As gently as he can, he soothes the kid again, shushing him softly and whispering that… that it's going to be okay... that Mondo's here, he's here, and he will always be here... that Taka isn't alone, that he'll never be alone, never again... that Taka can take all the time he needs to sort through this, that Mondo will be here the whole time, through all of it, helping him see that he's worth the effort, worth all of it, and he just… he doesn't know if what he's saying helps or if it hurts or… he doesn't know. All he knows is that he means it. With his whole heart he means it…

Through it all, Taka continues to cry, but that's okay. Mondo doesn't mind. He gets that the kid is going through some shit and he just… he needs someone to be there for him. He… shit. Mondo remembers what it's like to have a parent who doesn't really care about you. Who you try so hard to impress only to be rejected time and time again. His ma… fuck, did he try with her. To be the son she wanted. To be enough for her. To earn her love. But it… it never worked. He never earned her love and she died feeling so utterly indifferent to him. It wasn't even hatred, just… utter indifference. Like he was a complete stranger to her, not her youngest son. Sometimes he thinks that hurt him more than what his da did. At least he can hate with his old man without any hint of regret, viewing him in a strictly negative light. With his ma… he can't hate her. Not even after everything. He thinks he loves her still, if he's being honest. He doesn't know if he misses her, he barely knew her really, but… part of him loves her even now. And that's what kills him the most.

The idea that Taka knows what that's like breaks his heart, and as such he doesn't mind holding the kid as he cries. Not at all. It's what big bros do. After all, Daiya always did that for him on the rare occasion he'd cry. Though, Mondo only cried once for his mother, really. It was the day after Daiya had found her unmoving on the floor of her room, countless empty bottles surrounding her. He remembers not feeling much of anything when Daiya had told him softly, not knowing how to feel. He knows Daiya had cried about it, had seen the red around his eyes, but he hadn't really felt anything at first. Daiya was always closer to their ma, the lady actually loving Daiya. But Mondo, he… shit.

It wasn't until the next day, when they'd been clearing out her room, that it had hit him. The fact that she'd died and still hadn't cared about him at all. That he'd never get the chance to prove himself to her like he'd dreamed of for so long. That he would never be anything to her. And he just… he'd started to cry, and Daiya had seen, and had just held him, whispering that it was okay, that he missed her too. And Mondo never knew how to tell him that he wasn't sure if he did miss her or not. That his sorrow was more selfish than that. He just…

Shit. He's gotta stop thinking about this shit. He hates thinking of his ma, and this shit isn't even about him. It's about Taka and his situation, not Mondo.

Forcing the thoughts away, he focuses on holding Taka, taking his own measure of comfort from it. Running his hands through Taka's hair. Feeling his even breathing against him. Shushing him gently whenever the breathing hitches. Feeling as Taka immediately calms against him, making him think he's finally not fucking this shit up. It… it helps. Maybe he doesn't have his ma, or his bro, but he… he has Taka. For however long this shit lasts… he has Taka.

He has no idea how long he holds Taka, and he doesn't really care. Mondo has always been an impatient person, hating to stay still for too long, but this shit… he thinks he could do this for the rest of his life and not mind. There's just something so soothing to him about holding Taka. He could do without Taka crying, if only because the kid's tears break his heart every goddamn time, but he just… he doesn't mind holding him. Not at all. Never.

Taka does eventually pull back, his face a mess of drying tears and his hair a tangled nest from the petting and the old gel he'd put in it, but fuck does he still look so goddamn beautiful. He's never seen such a beautiful sight. He can't stop the smile that rises on his lips as he sits up with Taka, grabbing his hands gently. He doesn't want to stop it.

"How ya feelin', kyoudai? Better?" he asks quietly, looking meaningfully into Taka's eyes. And after a moment… after a moment, Taka looks back at him, a soft smile on his lips, shaky but still there. It's so fucking beautiful that he can't help but beam back, more relieved than words can say.

He then gets a little confused when he sees Taka reach up and touch his hair a moment later, a frown rising on his lips.

"Somethin' wrong, kyoudai?" Mondo mutters, his hand rising absently and touching Taka's hair, too. He watches as Taka smiles weakly and shrugs.

"N-no... j-just... well. It's getting a bit long..."

Mondo hums, nodding his head slowly.

"Yeah, I noticed. Wanna cut it? I'd offer ta help, but, uh... heh. Never cut someone else's hair b'fore. Ya cut yer own hair, though, right?"

Taka nods slowly in return, biting his lip gently. Mondo has to use every ounce of control in him to not stare at the sight.

"Y-yes... but kyoudai... y-you like my hair longer..."

The comment takes him aback, Mondo blinking in confusion as he tries to process what Taka means. He gets it a second later, though, realizing the kid hasn't been cutting his hair because he thinks that /Mondo/ prefers his hair long. He shakes his head and sighs softly at this realization. Because… shit… god fucking dammit. He makes sure to smile at Taka when he sees a crushed look rise on his face, knowing that it ain't his fault. Mondo… Mondo just has to be better at making sure the kid knows that he will love him no matter what. That he likes him just as he is, no changes needed.

"Shit man, is that why you ain't been cuttin' it? Shit. I like yer hair long, yeah, it uh... it looks good on ya. But Taka… I don't give a shit if it's long or not. I like how ya look, no matter what. An' I, uh... heh. I like yer short hair too, man. All spiky an' shit. Ya look damn good like that. Just... mostly, man, I just want ya ta look how ya wanna look. Whatever /you/ want, Taka, is what I want. Got it?"

Mondo can see the pain on Taka's face, can see the grief he feels over things that Mondo will likely never fully understand, but he also sees the kid smile despite it, genuine and beautiful and just… perfect. So fucking perfect. Taka… Taka is so perfect.

"A-ah... o-okay. T-then... then, I think I will cut it. Just... just to make it more manageable..."

That makes Mondo beam, so fucking proud of his kyoudai. He lets out a 'hell yeah, kyoudai!' while giving his usual fist pump. It makes Taka laugh, which melts Mondo's heart completely, his insides feeling so sickeningly gooey he'd be embarrassed if he was with anyone other than Taka. But since he is with Taka, it just feels… nice. Good. Easy.

He sees Taka jerk his head to the side, in the direction of the bathroom. Mondo figures that means the kid wants him to follow him to the room, so he stands and does as Taka silently requested. He leans casually against the door of the shower while Taka bends down and grabs his hair cutting supplies, laying them nice and neat on the counter once he has them. It makes him smile to see Taka acting so much like himself. And he just… he hopes that things get better soon. This feels almost like normal, and he just hopes this continues. God, does he hope that…

"Today. You... you called me a genius," Taka blurts out suddenly, no preamble at all. It makes him blink in surprise, his eyes narrowing with his confusion. He does his best not to let Taka know that and just nods, recalling that yeah, he did do that.

"Uh... yeah. I did. Is that... a problem?" he asks, not really seeing why it would be. Being a genius is a good thing, right…?

He continues to watch Taka as the kid looks at the hair cutting products, a contemplative look on his face. His breathing is a little shaky, but overall, he seems… okay. Not great, but not like he's about to burst into tears, which Mondo thinks is a good thing.

And then Taka grabs his scissors, a small smile rising on his lips as he meets Mondo eyes through the mirror.

"I never told you about my grandfather, did I, kyoudai? Not fully."

When Mondo shakes his head mutely, even more confused, Taka smiles again, nodding once in return. He then moves to sit on the covered toilet and grabs a strand of his hair, bringing the scissors up. And then…

He begins to speak.

Mondo can do nothing more than stand and listen as Taka tells one of the longest and most complicated stories he's ever heard. A story about his grandpa, how he'd once been the prime minister before he'd been kicked out of office due to a scandal. A story about his shitty childhood and how his classmates had fucking abused him because of what his grandpa did. A story about Taka's grief and pain and sorrow, the kid… the kid telling him fucking /everything/. Everything Mondo never thought he'd get to know about his kyoudai. Everything he never thought he'd deserve to know.

Mondo has no idea how to deal with it all. Hearing Taka talk about everything. It… it fucking /hurts/, and there are so many times when Mondo wants to say something. To exclaim his anger at the shit Taka has had to face, or tell Taka that he didn't deserve to go through that shit. And /fuck/ are there times when he wants so badly to head over to Taka and hold him so tight that he won't ever forget how much Mondo loves him, promising the kid that he won't ever have to go through that goddamn shit again.

But he… he doesn't do either. He can't. He knows that this is something Taka needs to do himself, that he needs to say this shit and just get it out. The least Mondo can do is listen and understand what the kid is saying. And while it hurts to hear… he hopes that it helps Taka to get it all off his chest. That he's helping more by listening than reacting. He's never been good at that shit, but if Taka needs it, then… then he's just gotta try.

Finally, after what must be at least an hour— Taka having finished cutting his hair quite a while before— the kid stops talking. He had been talking about Hope's Peak and his initial fears about coming here, how he'd been so afraid that it would be the same as it always had been before. How he'd pushed Chi and Naegi away because of it. And fuck, does that hurt, knowing he'd been a big part of the reason Taka did that. Honestly, everything the kid said hurts. All of it.

But then the story ends. It's abrupt and there's very little transition. One second Taka is speaking, the next there's only silence. It honestly takes Mondo a minute to realize the kid had finished his story, and then another to realize he has to process the shit he just heard. And he…

Christ. Fucking /Christ/. Mondo knew that Taka had a lot on his plate, that he'd been through some shit. But hearing it all laid out like the kid did, his voice fairly steady as he talked about his inner most fears and anxieties, the shit he's kept from everyone, it… fuck. Just… fuck.

After at least two more minutes pass, Mondo's brain swirling angrily with the information he'd just been told, he decides he has to do something. He feels so overwhelmed, the information so very much and part of him wants to run from this, but he can't fail Taka. Taka… Taka just confided in him. He told him something that Mondo doubts the kid has told anyone, ever. He can't ruin that trust. He- he… he fucking can't.

And so, slowly, Mondo pushes off against the shower door he's been awkwardly leaning against this entire time. He can see Taka freeze, eyes wide as he watches his approach, but the kid doesn't try to say or do anything to stop him. He just stares, watching him amble clumsily over, saying nothing. Mondo's heart is pounding, his head reeling, and he migrates towards Taka like a toy on a string, pulled towards the kid helplessly. He has no idea what he wants to say or do, just knows he has to do something. Say something.

When he reaches Taka, he immediately falls to his knees— not caring about the cut hair around him— his face blank, betraying nothing. He doesn't mean to be expressionless, but he knows he has to keep a lid on his emotions or else he may mess up and ruin shit again. And he… he can't do that. Taka is here, /trusting him/, and he can't mess this shit up. Not again. Never again.

Slowly, so slow he barely even registers that he's moving, Mondo reaches up for Taka, giving him ample time to avoid the touch. But Taka doesn't. He doesn't, he doesn't, he just stays still and lets Mondo touch him gently, reverently, looking so fucking beautiful it hurts. He… he's never met such an incredible person before… especially now that he knows so much more about him and the things he's been forced to live through. He just… he's…

"You are so amazing, you know that?" he mutters softly, reverently. It's rawer and more meaningful than anything he's ever said before, and something about it makes him laugh. And he… suddenly, he needs to touch Taka, more than this, so he gently pulls the kid down to the ground, wrapping his arms around him the second he is able. He's been wanting to do this this entire goddamn time, needing to provide comfort somehow. He's trembling, and so is Taka, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't mean a goddamn thing. He just holds the kid as tight as humanly possible, never wanting to let go. Not ever.

They remain in their embrace for an unknown amount of time, since Mondo doesn't bother trying to measure that shit. It doesn't fucking matter. Not when he can feel Taka warm and solid against him, proof that he's here. They're both here. He doubts he's providing as much comfort as the kid needs, he's so fucking bad at this shit, but at least he's doing something. He hopes. He hopes.

Eventually a wave of exhaustion hits Mondo, his body finally picking up on the fact that it's super fucking late. Prolly far past midnight. While it isn't unusual for Mondo to be awake so late, he knows the kid doesn't tend to stay up this long (unless he's studying, of course), and so it would prolly be best to get him to bed.

"We... we should get ta bed, kyoudai," he finds himself whispering, voice still far too loud in the fragile air. He feels Taka shudder against him and has to fight against his own answering shudder. He must be stronger than that. "We have an exam tomorrow, an' I know... I know how important that is ta ya. S-so... so c'mon, Kiyo. Let... let's get you to bed..."

Taka nods against him, slow and lethargic, and Mondo shifts carefully to stand. The kid doesn't let go, though, but that ain't a problem. Mondo just shifts again and carefully lifts Taka into his arms, cradling him close against his chest. It's times like these that he's so fucking glad he's spent so much of his life lifting weights. It allows him to lift his kyoudai with ease, which is just… so fucking important.

He walks with Taka into the bedroom and gently places him atop the bed. He then begins to remove the hair covered uniform, going slow to allow Taka time to protest if he wants. The kid doesn't, though, so Mondo continues removing the numerous pieces, folding the clothes as neatly as he can. Which isn't neat at all, but fuck, is he trying, and he hopes that counts for something. He then heads to Taka's dresser and grabs a clean undershirt for the kid to sleep in, the softest he can find, carefully putting it on Taka with very little issue. He'd gotten surprisingly good at undressing and dressing people after all the times he had to help Dai care for their unresponsive ma. At least Taka moves with him willingly, heh... shit. Then… then, he lays back on the bed (not his own this time, but Taka's, which feels strangely more intimate to him somehow), pulling the kid close.

And then…

He begins whispering to the kid again. Soft words of affirmation, adoration, and /love, love, love/. He… he loves Taka. He's always known that, but he feels it so much stronger in this moment. A-and it's a familial kind of love, it must be, Mondo's not gay, but it still burns so brightly inside of him. And he can't help but let the words come out. Whispering that no matter what, he will always love Taka. That he will always be here, as long as Taka has need of him. That he would move heaven and earth for this precious and amazing fucking kid.

Eventually he falls silent, his exhaustion too great, and he just watches Taka as he falls asleep. His face smooths out and his eyebrows finally relax, and he looks so much at peace that Mondo can pretend to himself that things will be fine from now on. That whatever has been bothering Taka is now resolved and the two of them will go back to how they once were, and always were meant to be. They'll be as close as humanly possible, never to part again, sorrow and pain never touching either of them.

He knows, deep inside, that it's bullshit. That maybe things will be okay for a little bit, but it won't be forever. Mondo knows that. He's living on borrowed time, and nothing will ever change that. He can only hope against hope that he'll get at least a bit longer with his kyoudai before everything collapses. He knows that. He knows it.

But… but who knows? Maybe… just maybe… if he's good enough, if he proves himself at last, if he can finally become worthy… maybe, just maybe he…

He can keep Taka /forever/.

He highly doubts that, he has no hope of ever becoming that lucky, but hey.

A man can always dream.