17 The Problem with Mondo
"Mm. Time ta wake up, kyoudai. S'mornin'," Mondo whispers softly to his bright and beautiful kyoudai, heart aching so softly as he looks down at the boy in his arms. He's been up for a while now— he doesn't even know how long— and at no point has he looked anywhere other than his kyoudai. He's just been watching the kid sleep, arms wrapped tight around his waist, Taka's back pressed firmly to his chest. Mondo doesn't know when they shifted into this position, prolly sometime during the night, but he sure as hell ain't complaining. There's just something about holding Taka like this that's just… fuck. He doesn't know. It's just nice. So fucking nice…
He can still remember the look of pain his kyoudai has had on his face for a while now, and he can only hope that things will get better now. That Taka got all the pain out of his system, that he's going to go back to being the kyoudai he knows and loves, that he… that he'll be /okay/. God, Mondo hopes that Taka will be okay…
Mondo feels as Taka begins to stir, his heart starting to race as the hall monitor presses back against him, moving only a little as he wakes up. Mondo lets his fingers dance lightly over the toned abdomen his hand is absently resting against, smiling gently when he feels Taka shudder at the sensation.
Mondo can't help but remember everything that happened the night before, the things Taka confessed to him. The pain and the sorrow and the regret. It burns Mondo inside to know how much pain his poor fucking kyoudai is in, but he also feels a hint of… of /happiness/. And it's stupid, so fucking awful of him, but as he looks at Taka slowly waking up, he… he feels /happy/ that the kid finally confided in him. Happy that the kid fucking /trusted/ him. Mondo thinks there's still more that Taka didn't tell him, but he… he doesn't mind that too much. People are allowed secrets, right? And Taka… Taka can have some secrets. God knows Mondo does. Just as long as it doesn't weigh the kid down, as long as he's not as despondent and depressed as he has been, then… then that's fine. It's all /fine/.
Mondo lets out a small, shuddering breath when he feels Taka's hand grab his, and he can't help how he twines their fingers together, pulling the kid as close as is humanly possible. He hears the kid laugh at the action, lighter and freer than it has sounded all week, and it makes Mondo's heart soar. God he… he loves this kid, so fucking much does he love this kid… f-fuck…
Letting out a small chuckle, Mondo presses his chilled nose against the back of Taka's neck, reveling in the shudder the kid gives in response. Fuck…
"So goddamn cute... we gotta get up, though. Wanted ta take a bath, 'member? It... it might be good. Let yerself relax fer once. 'Specially... 'specially after last night. Shit..."
Mondo takes a deep breath at the reminder of the previous night, pressing Taka somehow closer to his chest, needing to feel the kid against him and know that this is /real/. That Taka… Taka is real. That Taka trusts him, that Taka is feeling better, that things… things will be getting better.
Even though he knows that he should, Mondo finds that he really doesn't want to let Taka go. He should, knows he should, but… fuck. Taka is just /everything/ to him, and it's been so long since he woke up feeling like things were going to be okay between them. Every morning for the past week he's woken up with a pit of dread in his stomach, terrified that things were going to break irreparably that day and that he was going to lose the best thing that has ever happened to him. He would hold Taka tight against his chest and pray to whatever spirit was listening that that day wouldn't be the day he lost Taka. That he'd get at least another day more, that he'd get to prove himself to Taka before the kid left. God, he was so fucking scared that he was going to lose Taka… so fucking scared…
Today, though… today, he's able to hold Taka, his chest loose and free, and just… /exist/. To… t-to let the overwhelming love he feels consume him, fill him to the brim, not afraid of what it all means. To not worry that Taka will leave him today, to hold Taka and let things be /good/ between them. Fuck, does it feel good to not worry like he always worries… and he knows they have to get up, but he… h-he wants…
But it doesn't matter what he wants, because it's time to get up and start their day. He gets reminded of that when Taka pulls away from him, a soft whine of displeasure releasing from the kid's lips as he sits up and stretches lightly. Mondo can't help but stare, eyes trailing Taka's body up and down as the kid moves. His shirt is just short enough that it rises a little up his chest, allowing Mondo to see a hint of his toned abs, which is just… ah. Fuck. Part of Mondo wants to grab the kid and pull him back into bed with him, consequences be damned, but before he can even attempt the stupid plot, Taka is getting up and padding over to the bathroom, calling over his shoulder as he goes.
"I'm going to go and take a shower, as well as clean my bathroom, kyoudai! If you would like, it may save time for you to take a shower in your room, so we have more time in the bathhouse! It is entirely up to you, though! Stay here if you'd like, I do not mind!"
Taka grins back at him as he says it, eyes bright and /unencumbered/, so /luminescent/ it almost takes his breath away. He does his best to curb that reaction, not wanting to be that fucking pathetic, but… f-fuck, does the kid look good when he's all loose like this. He almost forgot what it looked like this last week. And when he sees the kid turn back to his destination, making a brief detour to grab a change of clothes (his usual white undershirt and… and is that Mondo's old pair of sweatpants that he thought he lost…?), it makes something in his chest loosen, too. They're here, together, and they're about to head to the bathhouse together, further solidifying their closeness and their brotherhood. Mondo loves Taka, loves everything about him, and now they will be able to cement their friendship even further. It's everything he's ever wanted, really.
(Of course, a part of him wonders why the kid doesn't just shower with him in the communal showers that the bathhouse has, but he firmly pushes that out of his mind. While the kid has said he doesn't mind nudity, he's weirdly shy about things, so maybe this is one of them. Maybe showering beside him is a step too far for him, who the hell knows. It doesn't mean anything, so Mondo firmly ignores it. Things are good now. They're better. Taka is going to bathe beside him, so it doesn't matter if he doesn't want to shower beside him, too. It doesn't.)
With that in mind, Mondo hums and waves a careless hand in the kid's direction, sitting and stretching as he goes. He can feel bright red eyes on him for a second, but the feeling is gone before he can even really register it, Taka letting out a quick 'see you soon!' before entering the bathroom and slamming the door shut. It makes Mondo blink, a little confused at the abruptness, but… shit. It's prolly fine. He… he hopes…
Pushing the unease out, like always, Mondo takes a second to orient himself and decide what he wants to do now. He could always wait for Taka and rinse off quickly later in the bathhouse, but that would waste time, wouldn't it? While part of him (a large part, larger than he wants to admit) doesn't want to leave Taka for even a second, he thinks it might be good to do as the kid said and take a quick shower in his room while Taka is taking his. They don't have all that much time, after all, and giving Taka the most time to relax in the bath may be best.
Sighing softly, Mondo stands up and heads for the door, glancing back at the bathroom door only once. He can feel the reluctance to leave rise in his heart, but he pushes it firmly aside. Shit, he's not a fucking pining housewife! He can be away from Taka for five goddamn minutes without either of them self-destructing. They'll both be fucking /fine/.
That thought doesn't stop the way he rushes back to his room, though, wanting to get through his routine as quick as he fucking can. He won't be able to do his hair today, since the steam from the bath would ruin it (plus that would take way too long), but he wants to at least wash his hair properly. He didn't get a chance to last night considering all the shit that happened, and his curls are all crunchy and gross and shit. He hates it when his hair gets like this, so he might as well do the shit Dai taught him to keep his hair healthy despite all the product he uses.
The second he enters his shower, though, he can feel his shoulders loosen a little, the warmth helping him relax somewhat. He contemplates jerking off, knowing it would help with any remaining tension, but he ultimately decides against it. He doesn't have time to do his usual shit and he doesn't want to rush it today. Besides, he's going to be taking a bath with his kyoudai. What's more relaxing than that?
Without jerking off, the shower doesn't take long at all, and before he knows it all the conditioner is rinsed from his hair, his body as clean as he can possibly get it. As quick as he can without causing himself to slip, Mondo exits the shower and heads to the counter to grab his toothbrush and toothpaste to brush his teeth quickly. He usually does this shit right after his shower, so his nudity doesn't bother him a second.
Though… as he brushes, he can't quite stop the way his eyes wander down his body curiously, tracing the familiar form. Mondo isn't exactly a vain man, but he knows he looks good, ya know? He's built himself up over the years, making sure his body is as muscular and strong as it physically can be, even getting help from Nidai to ensure he's 'training his body to his fullest potential', or whatever bullshit the coach always says. As such, he looks fucking good, and he knows it.
And yet… as his eyes linger over the numerous scars he's obtained over the years, little nicks and bumps that paint a picture of violence on his skin, he wonders what Taka will think of him when he gazes upon his bare form. The kid had mentioned how he thinks that baring yourself to another is the best way to judge their character, or something like that… right? So… the fuck will Taka think when he sees the constellation of scars Mondo has collected over the years, the vast majority earned through willing violence of his own making? It's not like Taka has never seen him shirtless, or even pantless. He's been near nude around his kyoudai a few times before, often after he forgot his clothes in his room yet again. Or when they train in the exercise room together, Mondo changing without any hint of embarrassment. It shouldn't be a problem to be fully nude around the kid, honestly. It really shouldn't.
And yet… something about this feels… /different/. More meaningful and shit. And the longer his eyes linger on his numerous scars, lingering longer on the few scars he'd done absolutely nothing to earn, the oldest of his scars, scars that disgust him more than any other, he… he fears what conclusions Taka will make about him and the life he's led. What Taka will think of him; believe of him. It'll prolly be right, of course, but… shit. Whatever. Ain't like he can change his scars, now can he?
Sighing, Mondo finishes brushing his teeth and heads into his bedroom, determined to not waste any more time on stupid ass shit. He's got shit to do today and he can't waste all of his time on things that don't matter.
In his room, Mondo changes into a fresh pair of his night clothes rather than getting back into his dirty pair like he normally would before a bath, knowing it's wasting an outfit, but not really caring much. It's what Taka would want him to do, so… fuck it. As soon as he's finished, he grabs a fresh towel for the bath and a set of his everyday clothes, knowing he doesn't need much more than this in the bathhouse.
(He also spends a minute getting all his school shit together— though he doesn't plan on bringing it to Taka's room— since he knows Taka would want him to do that as well. While he's still not that great at the whole school thing, he's sure as shit been trying his hardest lately. It honestly sucks ass, school still boring as shit, but it makes Taka smile so beautifully at him whenever he tries his best, so… s-shit. Whatever.)
Once he's got everything gathered together, he heads for the door as fast as he can, wanting to be near Taka again so fucking bad it kinda hurts. It's been at most ten minutes since he left the kid's room, and yet it feels like it's been decades. That's… that's prolly not good, he shouldn't feel like this after such a short amount of time, but… s-shit. It doesn't matter, don't fucking think of it…
Shoving everything down, Mondo exits his room and quickly heads to Taka's, immediately opening the door with the key card the kid gave him a couple weeks ago. Once inside, he can hear the sound of the shower still running, letting him know that Taka isn't gonna be ready for a little while. Mondo doesn't mind, though. While he's never been a patient person, he doesn't mind waiting on Taka. He doesn't mind that at all…
In order to give him something to do while he waits, Mondo takes a seat at the kid's ridiculously tidy desk (Mondo seriously wonders how the fuck he keeps it so organized, goddamn) and pulls out his book of the week. Ever since he got his stupid fucking glasses, he's found himself reading whenever he has some downtime. It makes him feel like a fucking nerd, but he's gotta admit that there's something so fucking nice about not only being able to read a book, but actually understand what that shit is trying to say. He's mostly been sticking to English books for teens, but he's gotta admit they're kinda cool. Currently he's reading the book series Hina recommended for him, /Harry Potter/, and he's honestly really enjoying it so far. He's even reading it in English to get more practice at reading the language, which is an experience in its own right.
As he opens the book to the place he last left off, Mondo lets himself get absorbed by the book in a way he'd never dare do anytime other than when he's by himself. Or when Taka is with him, which honestly is the same fucking difference to him these days. He struggles a little with some of the strange ass terminology, but for the most part he's able to understand the book well enough, the plot sucking him in entirely.
In fact, he is so engrossed in reading that he doesn't notice at first when the bathroom door opens silently, the sound of bare feet padding softly on the tiled floor. He doesn't notice anything at all until he hears a soft inhale of breath, startling him more than he'd ever be willing to admit. Looking up with wide eyes, heart racing a bit more than it likely should, he turns to face the noise, wondering what the fuck it was. He feels himself settle almost immediately, though, when he only catches sight of his kyoudai, looking back at him with wide, scarlet eyes, and a partially open mouth. Shit…
Lips smiling before he can even think, Mondo marks his page and sets the book carelessly off to the side, forgetting about it immediately now that Taka is here. Taka's skin is a light pink from his shower, his hair wet and lightly dripping, his undershirt hanging off one shoulder slightly, and it's just… fuck does it look so fucking good… Taka always looks so fucking good, god…
Removing his glasses and tossing them aside as well, Mondo stands and stretches, hoping that he's coming across as casual and not stupid as fuck.
"Hey, Taka. Ya ready ta get goin'?" Mondo questions after a moment, lips still smiling gently. He watches as Taka nods absently, the kid heading off to his dresser to grab one of his carefully folded uniforms without a word.
"I am now, kyoudai! Lead the way!"
Mondo can't help but laugh at the enthusiastic words, nodding with a grin. He doesn't say anything else, though, as he heads for the door, placing the keycard Taka gave him into the pocket of his pants. He leaves his duster strewn on the table he'd dumped it casually on earlier, knowing he doesn't need it at the bath, though he does grab his own change of day clothes. The kid follows him silently as he exits the room, though it doesn't feel awkward or strained. It rarely does between them. Fuck does he like that fact…
Together, the pair strides through the empty halls, passing no one on their trek towards the bathhouse, which honestly relieves Mondo. Less people to bother them and waste their precious time.
It takes barely a minute to arrive at the bathhouse, and Mondo can feel his shoulders relax a little as he walks into the steamy communal room, Taka right behind him, a small smile rising on his lips as he takes in the empty space. Fuck, but he sure as hell loves morning baths… it's been way too long since he did shit like this, mostly due to the fact that he's been too busy with Taka to spare any time for it. And now, not only is he able to take a morning bath again, but with his fucking /kyoudai/ beside him, the tense as fuck hall monitor finally able to loosen up after years of holding himself so tight and tense and… fuck. It's so fucking good.
Mondo is so absorbed by the thought of relaxing in the bath with his kyoudai that he doesn't notice the way Taka tenses as they enter the main room of the bathhouse. Nor does he hear the small gasp the kid lets out as they enter the men's part of the bathhouse, Taka freezing at the entrance.
In fact, it isn't until he is over by the lockers the bathhouse offers— his shoulders relaxed and loose, the heavy steam soothing to his soul— that he notices that Taka had frozen. He's putting away his shit into a locker when he notices, his movements slowing as he looks back at the kid and takes in his wide eyed, dazed look. That… ain't good…
"Hey, Taka... y'okay, man?" Mondo questions, voice overly loud in the silent room. Taka doesn't startle, though, and instead just nods as enthusiastically as ever, a silent laugh on his lips. Mondo doesn't feel reassured, though, especially not when Taka just hastily averts his eyes as Mondo begins removing his tank, the kid saying nothing as he awkwardly slinks over to the locker that is the farthest possible locker from Mondo. Uh… okay, that's… whatever.
Mondo tries to put his concern out of him mind, forcefully telling himself that things are /fine/ now. He and Taka talked it out last night and it's /fine/. All… all fine.
However…
However, as Mondo removes his boxers and stuffs them carelessly into his locker, as bare as the day he was born, he notices that Taka… Taka hasn't fucking moved. At all. He's just been standing in front of his locker, fiddling with his shirt, looking super fucking awkward and uncomfortable. Oh, for fuck's sake…
Feeling a hint of annoyance mixed with his overwhelming concern, Mondo pads over to Taka, not caring about his nudeness since it ain't like it fucking matters. They're two dudes in a bathhouse. Kyoudai at that. Why the fuck should him being naked matter? As Mondo gets closer to Taka, though, he can hear the kid's breathing speed up, his body shaking like a leaf, and Mondo… fuck, Mondo doesn't like it…
"Ya doin' okay, Taka?" Mondo asks, his voice unintentionally coming out soft as cotton, like it always does when he's concerned about his kyoudai. He can see Taka shudder at the words, his body unnaturally flushed and shaking like a goddamn leaf. Mondo's concern skyrockets and he watches helplessly as Taka falls the fuck apart… /again/…
"Y-y-yes," the kid stammers, lie so obvious Mondo thinks they could hear it from space. He can see Taka close his eyes with the lie, looking absolutely miserable, and it guts Mondo completely. Mondo takes a step forward automatically, wanting to provide comfort, but he hesitates when he sees Taka tense up, like he… he's upset at Mondo's proximity which just… doesn't make fucking sense. Taka… Taka said he's fine with nudity… right? And he hadn't been lying, he knows that, and yet here the kid is, looking so fucking terrified. But… why? If it… if it ain't the nudity, then… then…
"Yer nervous," Mondo says blandly, dispassionately, his chest aching as he realizes that things… things ain't fucking better… are they? Taka… /fuck/, Taka's still mad at him… even after everything they shared the day before, even after the kid told him all of his deepest, darkest fucking secrets, he… he's still upset…
But of course. Why wouldn't he be? Ain't like Mondo's good enough for Taka not to be furious at him all the goddamn time.
Jesus Christ…
Heart aching, Mondo continues after a moment, feeling oddly /betrayed/. He… f-fuck, he's been trying, so hard has he been trying, so why… why can't that be enough, why… why can't /he/ ever be enough…? God…
"Shit, Taka... if ya didn't wanna do this, we didn't hafta... you... you said that-"
"I know what I said," the kid snaps, sounding so fucking… fucking /angry/, and /annoyed/, and… and… f-fuck, he fucked up again, he didn't mean to, he just… h-he just wants this to be fixed already, but nothing he does is working, and he's never felt more lost, and he just wants things to be better, /fuck/, why can't they just be better, and… a-and…
And he watches, heart numb, as Taka tries to relax his shoulders, sighing shakily as he bites his lip. The kid turns to talk over his shoulder, but he doesn't look at him, and it just… i-it just…
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to… t-to snap. I just... need a moment. That's all, kyoudai. Just... one moment. Please."
Silence descends around them following the words, Mondo hurting inside at everything, but not knowing what the fuck to do. He wishes he did, wishes he could be better, could be what Taka needs, but wishes aren't horses, and he can't do shit to fix this. He… he never could. God…
With a soft, unhappy sigh, Mondo does what Taka asked and takes a few steps back, giving the kid some space to figure his shit out. Part of him doesn't want to, wants to push the matter and ask /why the fuck Taka can't just be straight with him/, but ya know what? Whatever. It doesn't matter. If the kid wants to keep secrets, who fucking cares? Not Mondo. Why would Mondo care? Not like they're kyoudai or anything special like that. Not like this matters so fucking much to him and yet clearly means nothing to Taka. Why should he care if Taka so very obviously /doesn't care/? He doesn't. At all.
Mondo's throat feels tight and angry as he watches the kid shuffle awkwardly in front of his locker, still looking tense, but less so than earlier. A lot less. Because of course he hates Mondo's fucking presence. Everyone does. Why did he ever expect Taka to be any different?
Part of Mondo thinks he should look away, should enter the bath and give up on this shit already, but he finds himself staring at Taka despite that, wishing for everything he could never hope to have. Could never hope to be worthy of. He doesn't turn away even when Taka finally begins to strip, eyes absently on the kid as he takes his clothes off. It doesn't affect Mondo, though. He's too fucked up inside to care about stupid shit like 'decency.' 'Sides. They're fucking dudes. Ain't like they've never seen a little dick or ass before.
Though… Taka's ass is a very nice one, he thinks absently, eyes wandering despite himself. Shapely. Toned. He's noticed it before, but he's never seen it bare like this. And that… u-uh, shit, whatever, don't fucking matter…
But something is wrong. Something's /always/ wrong, of course, but he can't fucking take it, he /can't/, he can't. While Taka is at least bare now, his body is unnaturally stiff and tense, his breath shaky and wrong. He looks more uncomfortable than Mondo has ever seen him, which is a feat, he assures you. It hurts Mondo so fucking bad since he doesn't know /why/. Taka… Taka said he didn't mind nudity… right? And he… he agreed to come to the bathhouse with him, Mondo didn't force him, Mondo /didn't force him/, so why is he acting like this, like he wants to be anywhere other than here, like he's being forced to be here at knife point, like… like he…
Like he can't fucking stand being around Mondo…?
Suddenly feeling so fucking fed up with this goddamn bullshit, Mondo finds himself storming over to Taka, body shaking with the anger and the /pain/ he feels, though he does all he can to push it down. He… he doesn't wanna yell at Taka, doesn't wanna hurt the kid, doesn't… he just wants to fix this already, to go back to being kyoudai, go back to being close, he thought they could do that, thought maybe the bath would bring them closer like baths are meant to, but maybe they fucking /can't/, can't be close again, Mondo already fucked everything up, and Mondo just… he just…
He can hear Taka gasp harshly when he stops behind the kid, and it cuts him deeply, but he pushes that down too as he forces his voice to go as gentle as he possibly can. He prolly fucks it up, but honestly? What else is fucking new…
"Taka. Look. I get yer nervous, but y'ain't gotta be, bro. I ain't gonna judge ya. Not fer anythin'. Just... look at me, Taka."
The pain intensifies when Taka begins shaking his head, desperate and frantic, and Mondo doesn't… he doesn't know what to do, he… he doesn't… he finds himself reaching out, feeling stupidly desperate, and it breaks him even more to see Taka jump out of his touch, banging into the locker in front of him, and fuck, he didn't mean to do that, he didn't, he… he… maybe it would be better if he left, then the kid could enjoy his bath alone and not worry about being in Mondo's woefully unworthy presence…
"Shit, fuck, man, sorry! Just... Taka, c'mon man. This is supposed ta help ya relax. Not make ya more tense. Would it... shit. Would it help if I left? Ya can take yer bath and I'll make sure no one enters so ya can have privacy, and-"
"No!" the kid shouts, his body bright red, but… but he said no… right? That… that's good… isn't it? It- it means he doesn't want Mondo to leave, still wants to take their bath together, still wants to be close, maybe he's just nervous, like he had been when they first slept over, maybe it doesn't mean he hates Mondo, maybe it doesn't mean he can't stand Mondo's presence, maybe… m-maybe- "One moment. Please, just... one moment."
Mondo sighs softly at the request, not really liking it, but he doesn't deny it. He takes a step back to give Taka some space, but he doesn't go any farther than that. He… he isn't sure why, but he just… can't. Can't force his feet away. He just wants things to be better already… why can't they just be fucking better…
He watches as Taka leans his forehead against the locker, taking deep, even breaths, his body still shaking, though it seems to get better as the seconds pass. Maybe. Possibly. Who the fuck can tell. As he waits, Mondo says and does nothing, his stupid heart aching more and more as the time passes, though he staunchly ignores it. It doesn't fucking matter. Nothing… nothing fucking matters. Things are broken and there's no way to fix them, and he just… s-shit… shit.
When Taka finally does turn around, it's as abrupt as anything the kid does. One second, he's trembling against the locker, the next his bright red eyes are meeting Mondo's, so much fucking /fear/ in them that it destroys him before he even can register seeing the emotion. He can see Taka try to smile, but it's so pitiful that he can't help but give the kid his driest unimpressed stare, the feelings inside his chest bubbling and boiling away. He hates it, hates the feeling, hates the anxiety and embarrassment he sees on his kyoudai's face, and he wants it to go away already. For this awkwardness to stop and for them to just /be okay again/.
Seconds pass as Mondo looks Taka deep in the eye, everything broiling within him, the heat suffocating, and he wants this awkwardness to go away. This tension. He wants Taka to look at him with softness again, like he did before he fucked everything up on Halloween. He wants to be able to touch Taka softly, gently, without the kid startling like a frightened deer. He wants them to be able to share this bath without this goddamn, fucking /tension/ that is slowly eating them both alive. He wants… /fuck/, does he want…
Mondo knows he should move, can see the kid shuffling awkwardly before him, and he knows that standing here staring at his buck naked kyoudai like this is awkward as fuck, but he… he doesn't know. He hates it, right? The awkwardness. The tension. It was supposed to be better, everything that happened the day before was supposed to make this shit better, and baths are meant to bring people closer. To bring vulnerability and trust into a relationship, or whatever. And things had been better this morning… right? Taka had smiled at him softly, had looked at him like he usually did, and it was /fine/. Good. They… they were good. And now that they're here— /naked/— they're not. And Mondo… Mondo can't help but wonder why. Is it the nudity? Is it the fact that things are not actually better between them, and Mondo is deluding himself? Does Taka actually hate him and wish he'd go away, but the kid is too polite and kind to say anything? Fuck! How the fuck can Mondo know?! How is he supposed to know if Taka /won't fucking tell him/?!
He… he wants to know. He wants to /know/, to see if it is the nudity thing or if it… if it's something bigger. As he stares at Taka, who stares awkwardly back at him, he remembers an article he read a while ago online. And it was a stupid fucking article, one he had dismissed immediately with a snort, but the longer he stares at Taka, the more he wonders if it wouldn't be worth it to try. Just to /see/. Just… just to see…
"U-um... Mondo... are we... going to take a bath...?"
Mondo doesn't react to the question, just continues to stare, trying to think through the stupid ass plan that refuses to leave his head. It's hard, though, since his thoughts are so scattered, hurt and frustration making it hard for him to think clearly. After about half a minute, Mondo thinks 'fuck it' and decides to go through with the stupid fucking idea, consequences be damned. Setting his jaw, he looks at Taka with as much determination as he can muster, hoping he's not about to ruin everything. /Again/.
"Okay. Okay, ya know what? Fine. Goddamn... shit. So, this is awkward, yeah? I'm not the only one who feels it?" Mondo questions, eyes unintentionally hard as he stares at Taka. Taka just stares back, eyes wide, not replying to his obvious question for several moments. Feeling a little (okay, a lot) annoyed at that, Mondo angrily bites out a snappish "well?!"
That jolts the kid out of his little stupor, Taka nodding quickly, eyes still wide.
"Y-yes! I- I mean... n-no? I mean! You're not the only one who feels it!"
The contradictory statement makes Mondo blink as he comprehends it, but once he does, he finds himself laughing softly, a smirk on his lips. Fuck is Taka adorable… it helps take the edge off the steadily rising anger and frustration, allowing him to remember that this is /Taka/ he's talking to. Nerdy, dorky, precious as fuck Taka. His dearest kyoudai…
"Shit, right. S'what I thought. So... okay, look. This is gonna sound crazy, but just hear me out. So, I read about this thing on the internet, right? An' it was sayin' somethin' 'bout how Westerners who go ta Asian spas can get uncomfortable 'bout our whole nudity thing— which is bullshit, they're in our fuckin' country, but whatever. So, one thing that the article said is that, for guys 'specially, it can help ta... uh... ta... fuck."
Mondo pauses here, before letting out a frustrated sigh and running his hand through his hair again, heart pumping faster as he gets closer to explaining this dumb idea, eyes rising to the ceiling as he tries to think everything through. And no, he's never had any problem with nudity, but this… what if this is too much? For Taka. He's /said/ he doesn't mind nudity, and Mondo doesn't doubt that, but this… with Mondo… shit. Shit, he can't back down now. Real men don't leave things halfway. He just… he just has to do it. And if Taka hates him for it…
What else is new?
Chest aching horribly now, Mondo looks back at Taka, determination rekindled. For better or for worse…
"Okay. So... ya trust me, yeah, kyoudai?" Mondo asks, eyes intent, honestly not sure what he'll do if Taka hesitates even a second.
But that's not an issue, since the words are barely out of his mouth when Taka is replying "with my life!", so earnest it swells his heart. It makes him smile brightly, so fucking relieved to hear Taka say that. And yeah, maybe he's lying, but... god, Mondo hopes not, he really does. He sobers quickly, though, determination bright as he hopes this won't turn out bad. For either of them.
"Okay. Good. Then trust me when I say I think this'll help, okay? I know it's gonna sound fuckin' crazy, but the article swears it helps. So... ya just gotta..." Mondo pauses again, eyes darting to the side with his rush of nerves as he realizes /this is fucking it/, before meeting Taka's again, determined as ever. "I'm gonna need ya ta look at my junk."
...
...
...
"WHAT?!"
Mondo winces at the unholy screech Taka just let out, panicking internally at the sight of Taka freaking the fuck out. The kid is practically hyperventilating, body bright red and shaking as he stares wide-eyed at Mondo, so terrified it breaks Mondo's heart. And like… he fucking /knew/ that this would be a bit much for Taka, but fuck! Why the fuck is he absolutely freaking out over this shit?! It's just looking at his goddamn junk! They're not fucking westerners, afraid of nudity and the naked body, so why does Taka look so fucking /scared/ at the idea of looking at Mondo? He… he just…
It hurts. So fucking bad does it hurt. Knowing that no matter what Taka says, he /doesn't fucking trust him/, doesn't want to be close to him, wants to distance himself and close himself off and… fuck. /Fuck/, it hurts, it /hurts/, and he can feel the pain radiate out of him, his body flushing red hot with the emotion. Why is Taka so fucking /afraid/ of him? Doesn't he know that Mondo would rather /die/ than hurt Taka? And he means that, he fucking means that! Why… why can't Taka see that he won't ever hurt him… why can't he see that Mondo doesn't want this to die… why… why…
Why can't Mondo be worthy of Taka…
Fuck…
"Shit! Taka, fuck, man, ya said ya fuckin' trust me! Just... I ain't jokin' 'bout this! This shit is awkward as hell an' I know it's fuckin' 'cuz we're fuckin' naked!" Mondo exclaims, pushing down the hurt and trying to explain himself. Unfortunately, the anger and pain that is flooding him is making his head feel all hazy, which is never a good thing. "An' the way ta fix that is ta just... face it head on, as it were. Look, ain't nothin' weird 'bout it, okay? We're two dudes, ain't like we never saw a fuckin' dick before, yeah? I've been ta fuckin' bathhouses 'fore, took the gang ta 'em a couple a' times ta relax, so it ain't a big fuckin' deal. Ya said y'ain't shy 'bout nudity, an' unless ya were lyin'— which I doubt 'cuz yer a shit fuckin' liar— ya meant it. This is somethin' 'tween us, then, an' until this shit gets resolved, s'always gonna be awkward. An'... fuck, man, I don't want that! It ain't even just today, for weeks now I've noticed it, and I just... I ain't gonna force ya, we can just get in the fuckin' water and avoid eye contact if ya fuckin' want, or I can fuckin' leave, but I just... god. Jesus Christ. Whatever. Just... fuckin' whatever..."
Mondo feels the wind leave his sails as he gets to the end of his rant and still sees Taka staring at him with wide, panic filled eyes. His throat gets a lump in it that makes it hard to talk, and— to his absolute mortification— he can feel tears rising in his eyes. He sure as fuck doesn't let them fall, but he can't hide the pain he's feeling, and he doesn't know if he's ever felt so ashamed before. Prolly, he's had a lot of reasons to be ashamed in his fucked-up life, but this is definitely up there. Crying because he's unworthy of the affection of the one person he cares about most is pretty fucking pathetic, not gonna lie. God, he's so pathetic… maybe his parents were right about him. Maybe he is a good for nothing twerp who deserves nothing good in life. Maybe they were right to hate him. Maybe… maybe Daiya never should have loved him so much, should have realized how fucking terrible he was, should never have saved him that day since like hell would Daiya be so pathetic as to cry when being rejected for /your own fucking mistakes, god you're so fucking pathetic it's not fucking funny, you absolute waste of goddamn space/-
"W-wait!"
Mondo freezes when he hears the frantic cry, chest hurting so bad he doesn't know what to do. He wants to run away, to flee this moment and never have to deal with the fucking inadequacy that the entire goddamn world can see in him, but he's powerless to stop his body as it angles back towards Taka. He doesn't even know when he began to turn away, everything in him all fuzzy and distant, but as he looks into Taka's eyes… as red as blood, the most vivid and beautiful color Mondo has ever seen… he… he feels…
"Okay. Okay, Mondo... okay. I- I trust you, more than anyone else, and if you say this will help... then I will do it. T-this... I don't want things to be awkward between us, kyoudai. You mean... everything to me, and I can't... s-so if you say this will help? Then okay. I... okay."
Mondo's breath catches in his chest at the earnest, desperate words, wanting to believe them so bad. Taka's eyes are full of so much emotion it's overwhelming, his lips smiling a soft, sad smile, and it looks so genuine that Mondo wants to believe it's true so, so bad.
But… but he's wanted to believe that before, /has/ believed that before, only to learn that he was a fool for thinking himself worthy of such a gift. He doesn't deserve Taka, he's /never/ deserved Taka, and it's moments like this that prove it. God, Taka's prolly just scared that Mondo will yell at him, prolly just wants to say or do anything he can to placate Mondo, since Mondo is a fucking monster who hurts people when he's angry. A powder keg, volatile and explosive, something to be on edge around whenever you're near it. Taka prolly doesn't even mean it when he says that Mondo means everything to him. Mondo could never deserve something as precious as that.
And yet… as the seconds pass, the steam in the room swirling around them, making everything feel all dreamy and hazy and soft, he… Mondo can feel the overwhelming emotions inside of him settle. Taka keeps looking at him softly, gently, so much emotion held within scarlet eyes that Mondo doesn't know how Taka stands it. Looking at him like that. Looking at a /monster/ like that. It hurts, it hurts, but the longer the moment lasts, the easier it becomes to ignore that hurt and pretend things are okay again. That things will be okay. But deep down, Mondo knows that's all it is. Pretend.
He doesn't deserve anything better.
Lips twisted in the saddest smile he's ever given, he looks at Taka and tries to make things better. If that's even possible at this point.
"Shit... Taka, fuck, man. Ya don't... y'ain't gotta do this if ya... if ya don't wanna. I just... shit, man, ain't my business why yer tense 'bout this, I don't wanna make ya uncomfortable ta please me, Taka, man-"
"You're not," Taka interjects softly, smiling gently, looking so genuine it /hurts/. God it… it hurts… "I want to. I don't like this awkwardness either. And... and maybe it will help. If you think it will... then I'm willing to try. For you, kyoudai... for you."
Even though Mondo knows it can't be real, he doesn't deserve it to be real… something about the gentle, caring words strikes the heart of him anyway, fooling his stupid fucking heart into believing them fully. He can feel amazement and joy fill his heart, so much so it overwhelms him, and he can't help how he takes a step closer to Taka, needing to be near, to feel. To know. And Taka… Taka doesn't back away like he has done every other time Mondo has tried to get close recently. He stays where he is, face soft and gentle and caring, eyes reflecting an emotion Mondo can't for the life of him understand, but that's okay. It's okay. Because… because Taka isn't /leaving/. He's not fleeing, he's not nervous, he's just looking at him softly, with care, and Mondo… he… he…
(He's so stupid. So fucking stupid. He doesn't deserve this, he knows he doesn't deserve this, he should run away before he tricks Taka into thinking he actually deserves this, he should… he should…)
"O-okay... shit. Yeah, okay. So, uh... shit, I dunno how ta do this, the article didn't talk 'bout this part, fuck, shit..."
Taka laughs at his awkward mumbling, the sound soft and breathy, the most beautiful sound Mondo has ever heard. He does feel a small tinge of irritation at having been laughed at, since he hates that shit. Luckily the feeling leaves as fast as it arrives, a shaky smile blooming on his lips as he looks at Taka, heart fluttering strangely in his chest, feeling so weird inside. He can't even describe the feeling it's that weird, but it's not bad. Not bad at all. In fact, he… he kinda likes it… he likes it even more when Taka begins to grin, eyes bright and full of life, his head shaking slowly with amusement. Fuck…
"Count of three, perhaps?"
The words confuse Mondo for a second, everything inside him so messed up it's hard to think, but in a good way for once. He realizes after a moment, though, and something about the situation makes him laugh— a bark of a thing— his own grin rising on his lips, feeling so /much/ he can barely contain it. He doesn't know what he wants to do with the emotion, but he knows it's something. Something big.
"Fuck, ya know what? Sure, why not. I'll count us, alright?" Mondo grins, insides roiling with the emotion rising inside him, but like hell is he bitching out and abandoning this shit. While he doesn't deserve this, knows he doesn't deserve this, he wants to. Deserve it. Fuck, does he want to deserve it. He can see some anxiety fill Taka's eyes, but the kid doesn't back down. He just nods with determination, eyes luminous as he stares into Mondo's soul. Fuck. "Alright. Count a' three. One," Mondo's chest flutters like mad, anticipation mounting inside him, "two," he doesn't know what he's anticipating, doesn't know what's going on inside him, but he can't stop now, this is most definitely a thing they are doing, and- "three."
Before Mondo can try and piece together what it is that is going on inside his head and chest, his eyes are darting down, down, to the one place on his kyoudai's body he's not yet seen. And it shouldn't matter. Right? It shouldn't matter at all, they're both dudes, it's just a fucking /dick/, he's seen dicks all the time, has owned one his entire life, so it shouldn't matter. He knows it shouldn't matter. Knows it shouldn't mean anything at all.
So… why the fuck does looking at Taka's dick make him feel so fucking /weird/ inside…? Sh… shit…
Aesthetically, it's a nice dick. Mondo can admit that. It's not as long or as large as Mondo's (Mondo's pretty proud of his own dick, thank you very much), and yet it seems to suit Taka. It matches him, in a way. Not too long, not too short. Perfectly Taka sized.
And he shouldn't be thinking shit like that. Right? About his kyoudai. About how fucking /good/ his goddamn /dick/ looks. About how much it suits him. About how it looks like it would feel so fucking soft, so silky, so…
"S-shit…" Mondo mutters softly, breathily, not meaning to say it at all but unable to help it. He's never felt like this before, so weird inside, but not necessarily /turned on/. He can feel himself getting harder, knows something is going on inside his body, but it's different than it normally is. Less like a raging inferno and more like a simmering heat. Like… like he… he /wants/…
Mondo should stop thinking about it. Should look away, avert his eyes, he did what he was supposed to, he should /look away now, you fucking creep/, but he can't. He can't, he can't, he /can't/. It's like he's transfixed. Like he got hit over the head and is now paralyzed in place. All he can do is stare at Taka— stare at his /dick/— stupid fucking thoughts rushing through his head. Stupid fucking wants. /Desires/. Like… l-like…
Like touching Taka… moving forward and touching that soft, creamy skin… his hands dancing over toned muscles, skin softer than he'd ever imagine, but he knows it to be true… he wants to feel as Taka's breath hitches, wants to be the cause of it, wants to… to press his lips to that soft skin, the hollow of his neck that has always looked so enticing, his tongue barely tasting the salty sweat, hands held tight to bony and yet still impossibly muscular hips… he wants to sink to his knees, press his lips to the toned abdomen, wants to hear Taka's desperate whine, feel the helpless bucking of hips against his chest… oh, he would laugh, breathy and aching and /real/, as he held Taka firmer, forced him to stay still, mumbling how Taka should be a /good boy/ for him… then he'd lick a warm, firm line down that smooth skin, Taka trembling at the sensation, a gasping, shaking mess, and /god/ would Mondo love it… he'd tease Taka to the brink of madness, the repressed hall monitor sobbing with his desire, never having felt so much before, /knowing/ it's Mondo who makes him feel this way, only ever Mondo… then, once Taka has reached this point, begging so sweetly and desperately, so hard and aching against him, needing release, needing /Mondo/, needing… needing… then, and only then, would Mondo grant him his request… his lips closing around the hard, smooth, velvety length, the perfect size for Mondo to swallow him whole… ohhh, god, how Taka would /scream/, so desperate, so needy, he'd cum in a second and Mondo would swallow every last drop, reverent, worshipping, god he wants to worship this boy, make him feel so fucking /good/, make him know that /Mondo is the only one who can make him feel like that, the only one who can see him like that, the only one Taka will ever need, ever want, god does he want, he wants, he wants, he-/
Mondo rips his eyes away from Taka, panting like he ran a marathon, muscles so tense it actually kinda hurts. His body feels like it's on fire, his gut broiling with the heat, and he can't remember a time he's felt so hard before. And it's stupid, so stupid, it's just /Taka/, nerdy, dorky little Taka, his best and dearest friend, his fucking /kyoudai/, and yes, Taka has always been aesthetically pleasing, hot as fuck really, but it's just /a fact/, Mondo doesn't see him that way, he doesn't, and that's that.
Mondo just needs to get laid. That's all. He just… he needs to get laid. He… he just…
_/That doesn't explain why you had the desire to worship Taka/, his mind whispers to him against his will. /Why you wanted to bring Taka pleasure, your own desire not nearly as important as his. Why you wanted to touch and kiss and bite every last inch of his skin, reducing the boy to a whimpering, shivering mess, needing you just as much as you need him. If you just needed to get laid, you would have imagined Taka sucking you off. Or the two of you giving each other a hand job, maybe. But no. That's not what you wanted. What you want. In your heart of hearts, deepest desires, you know what you want. You know. You know. You know you know you know you know/_
Mondo clears his throat, no idea how much time has passed but knowing they need to move the fuck on already. He can't quite manage to look at Taka, his skin too tight to handle such a thing, but he's at least looking in the kid's direction. It… it's something.
"S-shit, w-we uh... we should, fuckin'... t-take the fuckin'... shit. Take the bath?"
Mondo's voice cracks on the last word, mortifying him immediately. He can only hope that Taka didn't notice. And he… he thinks that may be true, if how frantically the kid is nodding his head and angling his body over towards the pool of water is anything to go by. It's like he's as desperate to get over this moment as Mondo is.
"Y-y-yes! T-the bath! An excellent idea, k-kyoudai!" Taka exclaims, like it will solve all of their problems. He says it with such conviction that Mondo is almost inclined to believe him.
Nodding furiously to give himself something to do, Mondo turns towards the bath as well and begins moving towards it, wanting to leave that weird ass moment behind forever. Who cares what those thoughts meant. It was stupid and ridiculous and not something he has to worry about at all, whatsoever. And if his body is shaking uncontrollably, his heart doing a gymnastics routine in his chest, dick still hard as stone… well. Who cares. It doesn't matter.
Mondo gets into the bath unceremoniously, less graceful than normal, and he's never been a particularly graceful man. But Taka doesn't seem to notice, his eyes firmly on the ground as stumbles into the water himself, eyes then glued to the small ripples their movements have caused in the water. It makes Mondo's chest grow even tighter, his skin crawling, everything so very, very /wrong/ inside of him. The warm water absolutely does not help the fucking /arousal/ he still feels, his blood on fire and singing and… and…
It means nothing, he tells himself firmly as the pair sits in the most awkward silence Mondo has ever experienced. The thoughts. The /desires/. It meant nothing then and it means nothing now. He's a teenage dude. What teenage dude wouldn't have some wayward thoughts about their buck naked, hot as fuck best friend, gender be damned? It doesn't mean he was actually attracted to /Taka/, no! Just… the situation. Right? Not Taka. Never Taka.
Mondo can't be attracted to Taka. He can't be. He's not fucking /allowed/ to be. And besides. Taka wouldn't want Mondo to be attracted to him, so even… even if he /were/… he couldn't. So, it's best to not dwell on it and let the stupid fucking emotions die. Just… let them fucking /die/.
After a while, the awkward silence begins to get to him, making Mondo worry that things are /bad/ again, just when he thought maybe they'd finally get better, /again/, and he… he can't take it, he can't /take it/, and even though he still feels so wrong inside, he needs to say something. Do something. Anything to make things less awkward. He's starting to give up hope of things ever getting /better/, but if they could just get less bad, maybe… maybe they can work with it… fuck.
"Taka..." Mondo calls after the silence has stretched too long for comfort, head hazy with everything that just happened. He wants to continue, to say something, an apology maybe, but his mind blanks and he has no idea what to say. He watches as Taka turns to face him, the kid's eyes wide like always, and something about it just… fucking /tickles/ him. And then, before he can stop it, he… he…
He laughs. He /laughs/. He laughs and he laughs and he laughs and he /laughs/. Because… ya know what? It's fucking /hysterical/. All of this. Mondo's stupid ass /plans/. The way they always fucking backfire. The way he keeps thinking things are okay when they're not. It's so pathetic that it has become /funny/, and Mondo can't help how he laughs. After all…
It's laugh or cry. And god fucking forbid he ever fucking /cry/.
And then… to his amazement…
Taka begins to laugh too. Big, boisterous laughs, even, less carefully constructed than the laughs Taka will give usually. Like it was startled out of him. Like he genuinely /means it/. Like he finds this whole situation hysterical too. Mondo would fear that Taka is laughing at him, but he doesn't even entertain that thought for a second. Taka is too kind to laugh at someone. He… he wouldn't laugh at Mondo. Not cruelly. Never. And then something makes Taka laugh harder, the sound so fucking /good/, and it makes Mondo laugh harder, and he doesn't even want to think about what anyone would think if they saw the two of them in this bath, laughing like goddamn idiots. It doesn't matter. None of them fucking /matter/. Just Taka. Only fucking Taka…
It takes a while for them to calm themselves down since anytime one of them tries to stop, they happen to glance at the other and are suddenly howling again. Mondo doesn't even care if anyone walks in and sees them acting like a couple of jackasses. It feels strangely nice to laugh like this. Mondo can't remember the last time he did. It had to have been fucking ages. God…
They eventually do calm down, several minutes later. Their desperate laughs begin to peter out into helpless giggles, like goddamn /schoolgirls/, but it's okay. It's okay, it's fine, whatever. Taka's laugh makes his stomach clench, the sound so fucking /beautiful/, and there's a part of him that never wants it to stop. To always hear that beautiful, bell like laugh. To always be the cause of it. God he… he wants to make Taka laugh, to make him feel good and light and happy, to be the cause of his happiness, not his pain, he… he wants…
Helpless to stop it, Mondo glances up at Taka, electricity flowing through his veins when he catches sight of scarlet red eyes already watching him. The wry grin that had found its way on his lips freezes, his breath stuttering, his mouth opening with a sharp inhale, hearing Taka gasp, and he just… he can't… he /can't/…
"S-so. Uh. Just me or... uh. Was that fuckin' article full a' shit?" Mondo calls, needing to move on before he does something stupid that would irreparably break their friendship. He watches as Taka blinks at the question, clearly taken aback, and then he… he's fucking /laughing/ again, soft and sweet, his cheeks bright red and beautiful, and /fuck/ is it messing with Mondo's head… Jesus Christ…
"H-ha! Y-yes! I often find that the internet lies! Aha!"
Something about the comment helps settle Mondo, for reasons he can't begin to understand, his head is so fucking fuzzy, but it doesn't matter. He makes a rule of never thinking too hard about shit. Just makes everything more complicated and he doesn't need things to get any more complicated, thanks. Instead, he just lets himself snicker softly, leaning back in the bath, spreading his arms across the ledge behind him.
"Shit, man... I'm so fuckin' sorry. Shouldn't a' made ya do that, goddamn... I'm a fuckin' idiot, that's fer damn sure-"
"Don't say that," Taka interrupts, his tone pissy. When Mondo looks over at him with a raised brow, he can see the scowl on his kyoudai's face, the hall monitor scoffing lightly. Well then… "I agreed, didn't I? I thought it sounded like it might work, and as such I was as much at fault as you! Anyway, it... this isn't... this didn't... a-are we... k-kyoudai... are we, um... good?"
The question startles Mondo, his chest aching as he sees the insecurity and uncertainty held within scarlet eyes. He can't help but nod furiously, needing Taka to know that things have never, not once, not been good to him. Not even when he was hurting earlier. It was never Taka's fault, of course. Never.
"Shit, fuck, hell yeah, man! Ya fuckin' kiddin' me? Take more than a fuckin' awkward moment like that ta make us not be good. Unless... uh... ya don't- uh... wanna be?"
The uncertainty Mondo had briefly felt gets quickly assuaged when Taka begins to shake his head as frantically as Mondo had nodded his, eyes wide and beguiling.
"No! I- I wanna be! I mean, er... want to be. Good, that is. Between us. I hate... I hate having awkwardness between us kyoudai, you know I do..."
"Then we won't," Mondo insists, forcing his voice to sound as sure and steady as he possibly can, the voice he uses with his gang when he doesn't feel confident about his decision but wants to make them think he does. He then grins at Taka and chuckles softly, hoping it sounds legit. "Y'ain't gotta worry 'bout a thing, bro. We'll just... ferget 'bout it. Shit ain't gotta be awkward 'less we make it awkward, yeah? Now, fuck, it's gettin' late. 'Round 7:30, shit. Let's finish actu'ly enjoyin' this bath, 'kay? Then we can get somethin' ta eat and head ta fuckin' class. Shit, still have that goddamn exam don't we... ah hell. Well, let's just enjoy, yeah? No need ta worry. Sound good?"
Mondo watches as Taka slowly nods, relief flooding him at the agreement. He feels even more relief when Taka sinks into the water a second later, only his head still above the water line, eyes closing as he finally, /finally/ lets himself relax. It helps make Mondo relax to see Taka's shoulders finally losing that hard line he always keeps them in. Fuck does he look good like this… loose and at peace… he wishes Taka would look like this all the time. The kid deserves it.
The time passes in a peaceful silence after that, the only sound being the soothing trickling of the water. Mondo finds it so hard to look away from Taka, and so he just… doesn't. Is it creepy as fuck? Hell yes. Does he give a single goddamn? Hell no. He's felt so many emotions this past hour since he woke up and he just… he doesn't want to worry about this shit anymore. He really fucking doesn't.
However, after a while the silence does start to get to him. Mondo has never been one to tolerate silence for long, needing some kind of noise to stop the voice in his head from getting too goddamn loud. And so he begins to talk to Taka, not really thinking about what he wants to say, just fucking… saying it. Like always.
"This is, uh… nice. Ya know? Sittin' here. 'Ve always liked bathhouses, ever since I was a kid. There's just somethin' so fuckin' soothin' 'bout 'em. Ya know? Daiya an' I, we'd go ta a bathhouse when things got too heavy at home an' we'd let ourselves just... relax an' shit. Didn't hafta worry 'bout our piece a' shit ol' man, or our cryin' ma, or anythin'. I'd feel bad, sometimes, but Daiya would tell me it wasn't my fault. Felt like it sometimes, heh. Da always said it was my fault things went bad fer us... heh. But he left an' ma died an' it was just Daiya an' me. An' then the gang. We stopped goin' ta bathhouses as often, since we'd both be busy, but I never fergot how nice it was. Ta just... relax an' shit. Know what I mean?"
Mondo looks back at Taka then, not sure when he looked away, feeling so fucking weird inside. Taka's face is still all flushed, the water making it glisten so beautifully, and it's honestly too fucking much. He feels like he's being taken apart at the seams, but he's helpless to do anything to stop it. He never tells details of his life so easily, and yet with Taka he doesn't even have to think before he's confessing every single dark detail of his life. Like he wants Taka to know. Like he /needs/ Taka to know. He doesn't know why. He doesn't. He… he doesn't…
"Somewhat…" Taka says, jarring Mondo out of his thoughts. "When I was young, After, uh... my grandfather's fall. My mother and I would share baths, sometimes, to save water. I always enjoyed it, getting to spend more time with her, since we rarely got to spend so much time just the two of us, without any worry. But then, when she... died. We, um… we fell more into debt without a second paying adult in the family. Father couldn't always afford the water bill, so I'd have to go to the cheapest bathhouse once a week just to get clean, making do with the communal showers in the school gym the rest of the time. It... isn't the most pleasant memory for me, to be honest... I always felt so tense there, afraid someone would try and hurt me... or laugh at me... especially with my scars…"
The words gut Mondo, guilt rising in him as he realizes why Taka had been so uncomfortable earlier. God, there Taka was, doing his best to deal with awful memories from his past, and there Mondo was, making that shit all about him. Like fucking always. Christ. How fucking egotistical can he fucking get?! He notices that Taka begins to look uncomfortable the longer Mondo looks at him, though, so Mondo looks away to try and rectify things a little. He can't stop the self-hatred that runs through him, though. He never can stop that.
"Aw, shit, man. Shoulda told me that. That's why you were tense earlier, wasn't it? Man, an' there I was, makin' shit worse, goddamn, I'm such an asshole-"
"No," Taka interrupts, voice firm, no nonsense, "that wasn't it. I just... it was something else. I didn't think you would laugh at me. Or hurt me. I... I trust you."
Mondo looks back at Taka, needing to see him, and he can see the sincerity on the kid's face. It makes his insides roil again, a soft blush rising on his cheeks as he smiles unconsciously, something warm and fuzzy rising inside him. Christ. It's official. He's turning into a preteen girl.
"Oh... heh... okay..."
The silence returns, but it's comfortable this time. Companionable. Mondo still doesn't like it that much, though, so he finds himself striking up a conversation soon after, something about a movie they saw the previous week. Taka joins in without hesitation, sounding brighter than he has in weeks, and god is it good. Before long they're laughing and arguing playfully, like the last couple of weeks hadn't happened. Like things hadn't been unbearably awkward and tense not even ten minutes previous. Like maybe /now/ things will finally be okay. And Mondo wants to believe that. Right? God, he wants to believe that.
But no matter what he does, he can't quite squash down the voice in his head that tells him it's not real. That things between him and Taka aren't better and that he's a goddamn fool for believing they ever could be. It gets worse every time Mondo notices Taka stiffen during their conversation, the kid getting a look of such discomfort and awkwardness on his face that it's hard for Mondo to continue on like nothing happened. He does, of course, since it ain't like he can focus solely on it and make shit more awkward, but he sure as shit does notice it. He just wishes he knew what to do about it.
There is one time when Taka tenses up while he's talking, his face flushed bright red and his voice strained as he awkwardly trails off. Mondo does his best to pick up the trail of conversation so it doesn't trail off into awkwardness again, but he can feel a pit forming in his gut that promises worse things to come. Like seeing a shark fin in the water. He does all he can to sound normal and not let Taka know how fucking /terrified/ the thought makes him, but he has no idea if the kid notices or not. Taka is simultaneously the most and least observant person he's ever met. It's really a craps shoot whether or not he'll notice something.
If he does, the kid doesn't mention it at least, and the conversation continues on like normal for several more minutes. Eventually the warm water gets to be a bit much even for Mondo, and so they collectively agree to get out. Mondo watches absently as Taka scrambles out of the water, eyes unintentionally a bit lower than he knows they should be, but… shit. Taka's got a great fucking ass, okay? Don't gotta be gay to appreciate the goods, know what he means? A little embarrassed despite himself, Mondo quickly follows Taka, heading to the locker that he put all his shit into.
It doesn't take Mondo long to get dressed, since it ain't like his usual gear is complicated or anything like that. And while it takes Taka ten times as long to get all his shit on, all his fucking layers making it take ages, Mondo doesn't mind. He's so used to waiting for Taka to do shit that it doesn't even phase him anymore. It's honestly kind of soothing, hearing the gentle trickling of water while absently watching his kyoudai dress himself. It's just… nice. Really fucking nice.
Taka does finish eventually, though, and together the pair exits the bathhouse, Taka looking so much looser than he had when he'd entered. It makes Mondo grin, so fucking relieved to see that shit.
Taka remains relaxed as they head to the dining hall to eat, the kid entering mild conversation with their friends without any prompting. Mondo does feel a little concerned when Taka doesn't immediately take out his history notes to study for their final exam of the day like their friends do, but Mondo doesn't verbalize his concern to Taka. Shit, if the kid wants a day off from endless studying, who is he to question it? Ain't like Taka doesn't know the entire fucking textbook front to cover already. Hell, the kid could prolly teach the class himself and manage to do a better job at it than their teacher, honestly. It's prolly fine.
It does still bug Mondo a bit that every time the kid looks at him, he flushes bright red and quickly averts his eyes. Mondo doesn't even know what causes it, to be honest. It could be any number of things. Embarrassment at what happened earlier. Upset at something Mondo did but has no clue over. Anger at Mondo for any number of unknown reasons. Mondo thinks it's prolly the first one, but who fucking knows. Knowing his luck, it's the last option and he's too fucking stupid to realize what he fucked up this time.
But dwelling on shit helps no one, so Mondo puts it out of his mind and doesn't question it. He just follows Taka out of the dining hall and back to their room once they finish eating, Mondo grabbing his preprepared book bag that he'd left earlier. The surprised but decidedly /pleased/ look Taka gives him when the kid sees the bag makes a pleasant heat rise in his stomach, an unconscious smile rising on his lips.
While Taka gets his shit ready, Mondo quickly puts his hair up into a messy half bun, feeling a little anxious at the thought of going out without his pomp, but knowing there's nothing for it. If this was before he became friends with Taka, he'd just skip their first class to do his hair, but he can't do that kinda shit now. Taka would be so fucking /disappointed/ and Mondo can't handle that shit. Not today. Not when they finally aren't at complete odds. So, going without his pomp it is. He makes sure to grab his duster at least. At least he still has that.
The exam itself occurs during their fourth class, and it's honestly not as bad as Mondo would have thought. It's mostly multiple choice with a couple long answers, but the knowledge comes strangely easy to Mondo. Every time he sees a question, he hears his kyoudai talking about the topic during one of their numerous study sessions, allowing him to answer the questions with relative ease. It honestly makes him feel more nervous about the exam, wondering if it only seems easy since he's fucking it all up, but… shit. Ain't like he can do shit about it now. He just finishes the exam, one of the first to do so in fact, and spends the rest of the class doodling on a scrap piece of paper. He's starting to get pretty good at it, honestly. His drawing of motorcycle actually almost looks like a hog for once.
After their classes end for the day, all of their friends come up to Taka and him, praising Taka for his super fucking helpful study sessions. It makes Mondo smirk to see Taka stammer with embarrassment, glad his kyoudai is finally getting the recognition he deserves. After a bunch of discussion about useless shit, Sayaka (as he has taken to calling the chick ever since they joined that stupid group chat together and she insisted. In fact, he's been calling most of the people in that chat by their first name ever since then. He tries not to think of it too much) suggests that they should celebrate the end of their exams by heading out into the heart of the city to see the holiday lights that the more touristy locations like to put up.
Not seeing anything wrong with that, Mondo follows the group after they eat dinner together in the dining hall, all of them walking to their location in high spirits. Not even the predictable November rain can dampen their spirits. It's honestly a little sickening, but Mondo can't really complain. Not when it gives him an excuse to wrap his arm around his kyoudai, the kid sharing his umbrella with him. Mondo usually would just deal with the rain, his coat protecting him from the worst of it, but he's gotta admit that walking side by side with his arm wrapped tight around his kyoudai is infinitely better. Plus, it doesn't run the risk of ruining his leather or his hair. Win fucking win.
Once they all reach the metropolitan area, they collectively decide to scrap the idea of looking at the lights and instead enter an arcade to escape the rain. Mondo doesn't mind that at all, a hint of excitement entering him as they enter the brightly colored building. He and the gang would head out to arcades sometimes for a night of fun, and he can't deny how much he fucking adores shit like this. He obviously insists on buying Taka a card full of credits, not listening to the kid's token protests for one second.
"Just accept the fuckin' card, kyoudai. Ain't a big deal," he says tonelessly, giving Taka an unimpressed look. It still takes the kid a second of debate, but before long he's gratefully accepting, his cheeks that lovely shade of pink, but his smile definitely happy.
After that, he and Taka wander around the arcade together, the kid mostly doing the shit Mondo wants to do, but he insists he doesn't mind when Mondo asks him. And considering the large grin his kyoudai has on his face, eyes bright and laugh happy as they play a shooting game together, Mondo is inclined to believe him. It helps loosen Mondo's shoulders, the tension from the last few weeks finally leaving as he explores the arcade with his kyoudai, occasionally running into one of their friends, but mostly having the place to themselves.
After a little exploring, Mondo discovers a machine that makes him stop in his tracks, eyes wide and grin frozen.
"Kyoudai? Is everything alright?" he hears Taka ask him worriedly after a moment, a soft hand touching his arm in concern. Slowly turning to look at his kyoudai, Mondo gives him an entirely serious look.
"Hell yeah, kyoudai. I'm just 'bout ta win myself a fuckin' biker dog, s'all."
He can see the confusion in Taka's eyes, something that gives him a private jolt of pleasure. Not letting his kyoudai stay confused for long, he walks the pair over to the crane machine he'd caught sight of, eyes laser focused on the plush toy he'd seen through the glass. While he knows that he's far too old for such shit, he finds that he doesn't mind as much as he usually would at showing his enthusiasm for childish things. It's not like he ever really stopped liking that kind of shit, after all. He just… forced himself to stop wanting it, needing to prove to everyone that he could handle the responsibility of being the leader of Japan's largest biker gang. But… being here, his kyoudai beside him, hair down and shoulders loose, he just… he doesn't quite care as much. About being childish. About letting his natural enthusiasm for shit take over. Not when he's with Taka, who just smiles at him gently, eyes soft and liquid, the kid never fucking judging him. When he's with Taka, it's okay to want something stupid like a stuffed dog wearing a leather coat and sunglasses, the words 'bad to the bone' written in shitty white kanji across the back. It's just… it's /okay/.
That doesn't stop his frustration when he blows almost half his credit on the fucking rigged machine, not even coming close to winning his desired prize. It's just when he's about to start hitting the machine in frustration that Taka clears his throat, looking a little nervous when Mondo turns to face him, but also oddly determined.
"A-ah, kyoudai… would you mind if I give it a try? I've never played one of these games before, but I think I might have an idea on how to win it…"
Not minding at all, especially not when it's the first time Taka has shown an actual interest in a game, Mondo immediately steps back and gestures to the machine, wordlessly giving Taka permission to try. He watches, enraptured, as Taka gets the most concentrated look on his face, his tongue even poking out of his lips a little as he puts all his focus on the machine before him. It makes Mondo's stomach clench, his eyes roving the highly alluring sight. He's so enthralled, in fact, that he doesn't actually notice at first when Taka manages to grab the dog with the shitty crane. It's not until Taka looks over at him with bright, happy eyes, the widest grin on his lips, that Mondo realizes he actually somehow managed to win the toy.
"Holy shit, ya actu'ly fuckin' did it!" Mondo exclaims in shock, letting out a happy whoop of excitement when Taka bends down to grab the toy from the machine, holding it out to him with the shyest fucking look on his face. Mondo grabs the dog (who he instantly names 'Chuck 2') without hesitation, wrapping his arm around Taka in a tight side hug a moment later, unable to contain his excitement. "Yer the absolute, goddamn best, kyoudai!"
The light blush and happy, prideful expression that Taka gets on his face is so fucking good that Mondo wishes his phone took good pictures, part of him wanting to remember this moment forever. Not like he could ever fucking forget, though. Not with how stupidly happy he feels. Even the gnawing thought that this shit can't last isn't enough to ruin his good mood. He refuses to let his nonsense ruin this shit for him. Not today, at least.
They move on from the crane game section and explore the little arcade more, Mondo not having much credit left on his card, but not minding much. After a little while, the pair discovers a /gashapon/ area, where Mondo can see a bunch of their friends trying their luck at the capsule machines. Figuring he might as well give into his childish desires, for the night at least, he walks over to the section, Taka trailing behind him dutifully.
Their friends grin at them as they enter the second, collectively exchanging their paper yen for more coins, all of them equally as excited about the shitty little capsules. Mondo is just about to take an extra ten yen out to give to Taka so the kid won't be left out of the fun, but before he can he sees their friends give Taka some of their yen, claiming it's a gift for all the help he gave them for exam prep. After some more token protests, Taka accepts the money, cheeks red but smile still happy. It warms Mondo's heart to see, and he has to turn away before he makes a complete fool of himself. He still sees Leon giving him a stupid fucking look, the teen's eyebrows raised and a stupid knowing grin on his lips. Mondo just raises his middle finger at the fucker, not wanting to deal with that shit.
After looking around the /gashapon/ area for a couple of minutes, Mondo finds the perfect machine, which is full of miniature dog figures dressed in various costumes. One of which is a biker, complete with a mini bike. Mondo immediately falls in love and determines that he /will/ win that dog, even if he loses all of his fucking money to do it. Taka dutifully stays by his side as he tries again and again to get his prize, saying nothing at the waste of yen. Not like it's a complete waste, though. He's still getting a shit ton of cute dog figures along the way.
And after only a few tries, he manages to get the one he'd been hoping for, unintentionally letting out a whoop of excitement when he sees that he won.
"You seein' this shit, kyoudai?! Fuckin' awesome!" Mondo exclaims, looking at Taka with happy eyes. Taka just looks back, body loose and relaxed, an indulgent smile on his lips as he nods with his agreement. Mondo is forced to look away from the stunning sight when all of their friends wander over, curious to see what made Mondo so excited. All the chicks begin to coo over the dogs he won, making him feel a bit embarrassed, but not enough to ruin his good mood. Not even when Leon— bastard that he is— smirks at him and raises a mocking eyebrow.
It does honestly upset Mondo a little to see, though, making him wonder if he shouldn't be so quick to let down his guard even when around friends. But then he looks over at Taka and sees the kid grin at him brightly, looking more beautiful than ever. It takes his breath away like it always does, and it's all he can do to follow after Taka as the kid wanders over to his own machine, looking perversely interested in some figures of ancient scholars in modern day clothes. They're honestly super fucking stupid looking, but they're the first thing Taka has shown interest in since they entered the /gashapon/ area, so Mondo doesn't comment on it and just smiles his own indulgent smile when Taka happily presents his prizes to him a minute later. It's enough to calm any lingering embarrassment within him, knowing that as long as he's with Taka, it doesn't fucking matter. Who cares what the world may think when he has his precious as fuck kyoudai beside him? He sure as hell doesn't.
Pretty soon they all run out of money to spend, so they collectively agree to head back to the school, laughing happily as they walk the glistening city streets. While they'd been in the arcade the rain had stopped, allowing them to move freely without fear of getting soaked. Mondo allows himself to look around as they walk, eyes intent upon the glistening world. There's just something so fucking enchanting about seeing the world all bright and shining after a bout of rain that really gets to Mondo, you know? It's even better to see it with his kyoudai beside him, the pair so close they almost touch. It makes Mondo want to do something stupid, like grab Taka's hand and entwine their fingers together, but even he knows that would be a bad idea. Especially around Leon, who keeps shooting them glances from time to time. Bastard. Mondo makes a mental note to mercilessly tease the teen about the absolutely sappy way he keeps staring at Chi.
Thinking of Chi just makes him nervous, though, seeing as how he's still not come to a decision about whether he can help the dude or not. It's an overly daunting idea, the memory of the previous day washing over him like a bucket of ice water. However… as he looks down at Taka, things good between the pair for the first time in weeks, he… he thinks he might be able to do it. Help Chihiro and his… his 'weakness' problem. Maybe he won't be much help with the emotional weakness shit, since Mondo sure as hell doesn't know how to fix that even in himself, but the physical weakness? Yeah. That he can do. If… if Chi wants him to, that is.
But now's not the fucking time. He'll go up to the dude later and talk to him about it then. If things between him and Taka stay good, then… then yeah. Yeah, he'll fucking do it.
With that determined, Mondo tunes back into the conversation the group is having, laughing at some shit Makoto just said. It's nice, he finds. Allowing himself to be a normal fucking teen for once. Any time he'd go out with his gang, he always had the expectation of being the leader hanging over his head. As such, he could never fully let himself relax, his guard up even as he laughed and joked. Here, though… he lets himself relax, not needing to prove himself. And it's just… fucking nice. So fucking nice.
The walk back to the school doesn't take long, which is good because it starts to drizzle again as they approach the building. They all make a mad dash for the entrance hall as they try to escape the rain, laughing happily at the thrilling escape. Even Taka doesn't seem that unhappy about them running while on school grounds, which Mondo counts as a win.
Once they enter the pleasantly warm building, the group decides to disperse, all of them splitting up into smaller groups as they cheerfully wave goodbye. Hina bounces off happily with Sakura, Makoto and Kyoko (as the chick distantly stated they all could call her earlier) wander off with their heads bowed together, Leon trailing after Chi in an obvious manner, and Hagakure drifting away on his own, not even seeming to notice anything that's going on around him. And Taka… well, Taka just follows dutifully after Mondo, not even questioning whether or not they'd be spending the rest of the evening together. It makes Mondo grin widely, a happy bubble of pleasure warming him up.
Once they're in their room, Mondo gently bullies Taka into changing into some dry clothes, stomach swirling at Taka's wide eyed, red cheeked look. Mondo takes a fraction of the time Taka does to change, so while he's waiting, he takes his numerous plastic dog figurines and arranges them on his desk, strangely happy to see the little toys littering his unnaturally tidy space. He feels even happier when Taka wanders over after he finishes changing, adding his own little toys to the collection. He can see Taka blushing lightly in the corner of his eye, and it takes all his will power to not turn and stare.
Once they're both dry, they head over to the couch and snuggle together while watching some more mindless movies, Taka resting his head against Mondo's shoulder. Mondo tentatively runs his fingers through Taka's hair, growing more comfortable and bolder when Taka sighs happily at the feeling. And if Mondo spends more time watching Taka than watching the TV, well. It doesn't fucking matter.
Once nine hits, Mondo shuts off the TV and they begin their typical nighttime routine. Taka takes his shower first while Mondo reads more of his weekly book. Once Taka finishes his shower, Mondo heads into the bathroom to take his own, shaving while he's at it since he didn't do that this morning. Finally, once Mondo exits the bathroom, the pair heads over to the bed, Taka turning off the lights while Mondo gets into bed. The only deviation from their typical routine is that instead of Taka laying down and resting his head on Mondo's chest, like usual, they somehow… find themselves in the same position they woke up in. Both of them on their sides, Taka's back pressed firmly to Mondo's chest, the warmth simultaneously the most comforting experience he's ever had and also the most unbearably overwhelming one. But like hell is he going to move away. He's always preferred sleeping on his side anyway.
And yet…
As the silence descends around them, Mondo unable to do anything to dismiss it for the first time that day… he can't stop the thoughts that run through his head. The fucking /fears/. He doesn't want to, wants to just enjoy this for however long it lasts, but he… he fucking can't. Not when he's so fucking terrified that he's going to do something wrong unknowingly and make Taka hate him again. If he ever stopped hating him. Mondo thinks he has, thinks that Taka is over whatever funk he's been in recently, but honestly? Who the fuck knows. And if Taka refuses to ever tell him…
Before long, it all becomes unbearable inside him, his stomach and chest aching horribly with the thoughts and concerns. And while he knows he shouldn't, knows that Taka is trying to sleep, he… he can't help how he whispers to Taka, needing… something. Anything.
"Hey, Taka?" he whispers softly, the sound overly loud in the silent air. It makes Mondo panic slightly, worried that he's bothering Taka and that Taka will hate him again for doing this shit. It gets worse when he feels Taka shift to look at him, hating that he's worrying Taka over nothing. How fucking pathetic…
"Yes, Mondo? Are you alright, my kyoudai?"
The question hurts Mondo even more, and he finds himself unable to answer for a while, mind churning as he tries to figure out exactly how he wants to put this. He doesn't want to make Taka feel guilty or pressured or anything. Christ, he doesn't want that. Taka doesn't rush him, the kid showing once more how perfect he is. He just places a hand gently on Mondo's arm, the warm presence more soothing than words can say, and gives Mondo the time he needs to collect himself. Finally, after an embarrassing amount of time, Mondo thinks he knows how to address this. Kind of, at least.
"Ya'd let me know, wouldn't you?" he mutters softly, pausing for a second to mentally go over his words again. He doesn't delay long, though, wanting this to be over with already. Even if his voice is shaking like a child's. "I mean... if I ever upset ya. Right? I know yer such an amazin' person ya don't wanna hurt people's feelin's but I... I don't want ya ta just do things just 'cuz ya think I want ya to, or ta keep doin' stuff if it makes ya upset. Yer hair, the bath, t-this... this mornin'... shit, man. Taka, I want ya ta do things 'cuz ya want to. An' I don't ever want ta be the reason yer upset. So... if I ever did, ya'd tell me... yeah?"
Mondo waits with bated breath for Taka's response, arms wrapped tight around the boy. Maybe a bit too tight, but he can't help it, he's just… fuck, he doesn't want to ruin shit, but if he doesn't know what's wrong, how can he ever fix his mistakes? He… he needs to know, he just… he needs…
Mondo's breath hitches when he feels Taka twine their fingers together barely a moment later, squeezing Mondo's hand tight. Mondo squeezes tightly back, needing the lifeline, as pathetic as that makes him.
"Mondo... kyoudai, I would not do things that I do not want to do. Everything I do with you, I do because I /want/ to, okay? And you have done nothing to upset me, nothing at all, and if I gave you the impression that I was, then- then I am truly sorry. But yes, Mondo, yes, I will tell you if you ever did."
Mondo wants to believe it. Wants to accept Taka's words as the gospel truth, wants to believe that everything they do together, Taka wants to do. That Taka isn't upset at him at all. But… but then he thinks about Taka's hair again. And the bath. And the week of stony silence, awkward tension, Taka looking five seconds away from crying every moment they were together. And… and everything he's asked Taka to do, the kid agreeing readily, only to find out later that he didn't want to do it, actually. Didn't want to do it at all. And… a-and…
"Do you promise?"
It's a whisper, more intense than Mondo means, his chest aching with everything he can't force down. And then…
"/Yes/, my dearest kyoudai. I promise. I will tell you if you've ever upset me, and I promise that anything we do together, I do it because I want to. Even if you have to convince me, if I give in it is because I want to give in. This, I promise. And that's a man's promise, you know. A promise between men. A good friend of mine tells me that that means I must keep it!"
Mondo can't help the snort of laughter he gives at the earnest words, something in him settling to hear it. There, that… that's a promise. A man's promise. Taka can't break that shit, so it must mean that he means it… right? Taka's so moral that he wouldn't fucking lie while making a promise. Mondo knows that. He /knows/ it.
As such, Mondo pushes away all of his stupid ass insecurity, pulling Taka as close as he's always wanted, so close there's absolutely no space left between them whatsoever. And he… he lets himself bury his face into Taka's neck, breathing deep to surround himself with /Taka/. He can feel the kid shiver at the sensation, and it makes him smile to feel. God he… he loves this kid…
"Good... good," Mondo mumbles against Taka's neck, making the kid shudder again, breath coming out in a shaky gasp. It's so fucking good and Mondo wants so badly. He doesn't even know what he wants, but fuck does he want it. Wants to always be holding Taka like this, surrounded by the boy, the boy surrounding him, their bodies entwined forever. He… he wants…
They stay like that for several minutes, so long that he can feel Taka's breath even out, the kid nearing sleep, or maybe already sleeping, Mondo doesn't know. But he can't make the feeling inside his chest stop. And he knows he shouldn't. Knows Taka is almost asleep, is prolly already asleep. But he… he can't help it, can't stop it, needs to say it, needs to ask, needs to… to know…
"Hey, uh... Taka. If yer still up... did ya wanna, I dunno... go out fer a ride again, sometime? Just you an' me? Prolly won't go as far as last time, maybe a place in the city, but just... somewhere. Y'ain't gotta, if ya don't wanna, I mean... shit, yer prolly sleepin', god, I'm so stupid-"
Mondo's stupid fucking request gets interrupted when he feels Taka begin to shuffle on the bed, dismay filling him when he feels Taka disentangle their hands. It breaks his heart, makes him hate himself so acutely, wishing he would stop being so needy already, god, he's so fucking pathetic, his da always hated how pathetic he was, always clinging to Daiya, real men don't cling to their older brothers, real men don't need others to constantly hold their hands, real men can take a hit and not cry like an infant, real men-
Mondo exhales sharply when he feels Taka burrow against his chest, warm arms wrapping tight around him, lithe legs entangled with his own, foreheads pressed firmly together. All he can see are vivid red eyes, so bright even through the oppressive darkness around them. And then his hand is being taken again, fingers entwining once more, and Mondo has no idea what to think, what to do, what to /feel/-
"Mondo. Kyoudai. I want you to know that I would /love/ to go out for a ride with you. Anytime, anywhere. Well... perhaps not anytime, we do have school after all! But... anytime outside of school. And if it won't interfere with our sleep, so we don't miss school... um... I'm getting off track..." Despite himself, Mondo can't help but laugh, his chest aching so much he can barely stand it, but god is it not bad. He also can't help the way he leans forward and nuzzles his nose against Taka's, a soft little bunny kiss, the only way he can express his overwhelming affection without making a complete fool of himself. God he… he wants… "What I mean is! I want to go out with you. F-for a ride! You and me. Together. And you don't have to worry about me doing it just because you asked. I found that I actually enjoyed our last ride! It was very... refreshing!"
Mondo lets out another soft, breathless laugh, the statement relieving him more than words can say. He presses closer to Taka, needing to be as close as humanly possible. He just… he has to. Christ.
"Shit, man... fuckin' awesome. I think it's supposed ta rain the next couple a' days, but maybe we can go after school one day. Or maybe next weekend if it ain't rainin' or worse. I just... I'm glad. That ya like it. Heh... maybe I can teach ya how ta ride one day... get ya a hog a' yer own... heh..."
Taka tsks softly, shaking his head at the honestly ridiculous thought. Mondo knows Taka would never want that shit, and while that normally would bug him, making him think poorly of the other person, with Taka it's just endearing. Everything about Taka is endearing. And then… then, Taka closes his eyes, snuggling closer, seeming content to stay where he is the entire night. And it ain't like it's much different from how they normally sleep. Right? They're always pressed so close together, barely any space between them, so it's not like this is weird or anything. And yet… and yet it feels different somehow. /More/. And his stupid fucking heart refuses to stop pounding as he feels Taka relax against him, the kid's breath evening out into soft puffs against his breastbone, his body so aware of every inch Taka is touching.
Needless to say, it's a long night.
(The next morning is also a long one, but for a very different reason. He wakes up before Taka like he normally does, looking at the boy in his arms with all the love in his heart. It's too early for him to chastise himself for thinking it, and so he allows the thought. The feeling. Lets it fill him up from the inside out, warming every last inch of him. It's absolutely glorious and he must admit he adores it more than anything.
It gets very awkward, however, when he begins to hear Taka fucking /moan/ again, his hips subtly rocking against Mondo's. At this angle, it feels so much more intense and it's all Mondo can do to not push Taka onto his back and take him then and fucking there. With all the lazy thoughts he'd been having before it all started, it honestly is so fucking hard to resist. Only the thought of '/Taka would never fucking forgive you, you goddamn piece of dog shit'/ manages to keep him in check. Plus, he… he ain't his old man. He refuses to be.
It's still incredibly hard to just sit there without doing anything, though. Absolute fucking /agony/. And when Taka fucking moans his goddamn name again, proving to Mondo it wasn't just a fluke the first time, he just… kind of self-destructs. And he knows he should wake the kid, knows that feeling and hearing him while he has a fucking wet dream _about him_ is immoral as fuck, but… shit. He knows how tense Taka always is. And if the kid never jerks off, then he never gets that kinda release, yeah? And while he may not be conscious for it, any ejaculation will prolly help. Right? So…
So, Mondo does nothing as Taka rocks ardently against his thigh, moaning so fucking prettily, rock hard dick mere centimeters from his own. It's fucking agony, but it's worth it when he hears Taka let out a soft, high-pitched whine, before the kid relaxes against the bed, letting out a soft, relieved sounding sigh. And no, the realization that his goddamn kyoudai just fucking /came over the thought of him/ shouldn't make him feel relieved, but he's honestly too far gone to care, really.
Taka manages to sleep for another fifteen minutes after that, which in and of itself is another brand of torture. At least it gives him time to calm his raging boner somewhat, so he doesn't make shit even more awkward when the kid finally awakens.
That doesn't mean it's not awkward, of course. Because it is. The only consolation is that at least Taka doesn't freak out over it again. He just blushes beautifully as he scrambles out of the bed, stammering out unneeded apologies.
It's super fucking awkward, so awkward that Mondo hates it, like he always hates it. And so, for reasons Mondo will never understand but assume has to do with all the blunt force trauma he's taken to his head over the years… Mondo decides it would be a great idea to fucking /tease/ Taka about his goddamn fucking dream. Smirking and asking as casually as he can, 'So. Whatcha dreamin' 'bout, kyoudai?' Even though he knows perfectly well what the kid was dreaming about. /Who/ the kid was dreaming about.
To his extreme luck, the tasteless question doesn't send Taka into a panic attack. And instead, he… he fucking…
He throws a pillow at Mondo, cheeks bright red as he exclaims, 'you are the absolute worst, Mondo Owada!', which is the cutest fucking thing he's ever seen. He laughs in response, and when Taka hits him with the pillow, Mondo wastes no time at all in grabbing it and hurling it back. This starts an impromptu pillow fight that ends with them both panting and giggling on the ground, side by side, eyes soft and relaxed and just... happy, /so fucking happy/...
And despite the inconvenient thoughts that still run through his goddamn mind, he's gotta admit that it's a pretty damn good morning.
All mornings with Taka are.)
