Chapter 42: If Only I Could Change
If we could go back and change one thing in our lives, wouldn't that be amazing?
Miku's POV~~~
Being filled with these childish fantasies that I would be the one. Wanting for someone, anyone, to hold me that I began strangling him to stay by my side. But I can only strangle for so much before his face begins turning colorful and limps away, right into her hands. And her, who I thought I had gotten rid of, who I thought Mayu would take care of, had survived somehow. Yes, her. She managed to pull through and run off with him. And whatever happened with Mayu? Was Rin too scared to report her? Well, Mayu's far and gone now, just like Len.
Leaving me to be an empty shell.
No, I am not empty. I am just being who I truly am in the inside.
This was the real Miku all along, not that smiling girl who faked every single step and word. That teal haired ditz that everyone loved was a liar. A stupid, ugly and manipulative liar.
So, shouldn't I be glad that she's been destroyed?
No, I want to wallow in my petty feelings. Let me pull this cover closer to my body and let me stay locked in my room all day long. I don't want to see anyone. They'll only ask me what's wrong, saying that I'm not acting like I normally am.
Fucking idiots.
This is the real Miku.
But the biggest imbecile of the bunch would be Len. Even though I wearing a mask, he didn't even care to look at that. About the person inside, whether she was real or not. I bet he just wanted to fuck my brains out. And my heart too, if that meant that I would shut up. Damn him and his ability to manipulate me. No, I never loved him, I was just using him as well. But the difference between the two of us is what I did for him. For gosh sakes, I ordered someone to kill another human being for him. Yet he would do nothing for me.
I regret meeting him. I regret talking to him, kissing him, touching him, dreaming of him, smiling at him, talking about him, and spending time with anything that had to do with him. I hate him. As I mutter this under my breath in my empty room, I can feel the slightest bit of happiness. Of course, it runs away before I can blink.
This is what I have amounted to. All break I've been locked up in my room, talking to myself and repeating these thoughts. I don't think my wall cares. I don't think the stray pieces of teal hair on the cold floor care either. But I keep saying them to keep myself sane.
No, rather I'm driving myself mad.
If I knew meeting Len result to this...
Miki's POV~~~
Here I am again, swinging by myself in the park close to my house. I should feel somewhat happy. The weather isn't all that bad, just a little chilly. There are no dark clouds to use to make a metaphor to my heart. Or cold rain to hide my tears. None of that cliche depressing stuff, just me, Miki, sitting on a swing and trying to act like a little kid again.
Ah geez, I really ought to stop being so sad about these small things. Just like Teto once said, "Hello, I WAS ALIVE AND BREATHING BEFORE HE CAME IN, SO I CAN BE PERFECTLY OKAY IF HE WALKS OUT."
If only my heart could be so simple to just accept that. But there are these pesky things called memories that love to creep up on me. "You'll never experience this again! You'll never have this happiness again!" they chant again and again, just making me return to my petty feelings. I don't want to be that girl that sits in her room crying day and night about the past. I want to be that independent girl who doesn't let a man define her.
I sigh and hang my head down. Too bad "I want" and "I am" are different things.
My feet stop my momentum, making the seat jerk a bit before I come to a full stop. What would I do if he came up to me again? What if I had the chance to redo that day? Hm... to be able to change the past... that wouldn't be a bad thing, would it? I mean, fate hates us already, doing all these wicked things to us and all, so we should be able to go back and change some things to what we want them to end up like. I'm sure if I had lost a loved one, I would go back and try and save them, or switch my body with theirs.
If I could return to that summer day when we first spoke, and if I just ignored his message, where would I be now?
I turn my head up to the clouds and blue sky.
Yes, I would love to see that life.
Normal POV~~~
Len and Oliver's House
"Idiot."
Rin shoves Len's body off of her and goes back to trying to draw a bird. Unfortunately, Len's arm had bumped into hers earlier and now the bird's right foot was terribly disfigured.
"It was already bad as it was," Len teases, receiving another cold glare from his girlfriend.
"And I thought when we started dating you would be nicer," Rin says with a pout, returning her attention to her drawing. Without missing a beat, Len gabs the paper and pencil, tossing them onto the floor. Rin's eyebrows raise as she turns back to him, about to retort about his abrupt actions before he grabs her shoulders and leans in.
"And I thought when we started dating, we could get to the naughty stuff," he counters, pushing her back to the couch and caging her in with his body. The red blush sprawled across Rin's cheeks betrays her, her mind already thinking of what Len would do. Her foot comes up across his, brushing against his oh so softly until...
"Rin!"
Len falls down from the couch, covering his lower region and writhing in pain. Rin lowers her knee and sits back on the couch, satisfied with her maneuver.
"I guess some things never change, even when two people begin dating."
"I can see that!"
After a while more, Len switches his position, laying on his back and staring up at the ceiling. "If I didn't love you so much, you would be in trouble."
Her cheeks go back to red from the word, her hands beginning to play with his couch pillows. Len picks up at her silence and turns to his side.
"S-say, you don't take back what you said before, right?" Rin asks, looking down at the pillow. "I mean, it's okay if you do, because I wouldn't want you to have just said those things out of the heat of the moment and all. I know how hard it is for you to even speak the word 'love', and stuff... "
Her lips fall silent again and she looks down at him. That stupid smirk is still on his face. Maybe she should give him another knee, just to wipe it off of him. Maybe then he'd take her words seriously.
"I just don't want an idiot like you regretting these things later on and whining about it," she adds, looking away once more.
"I don't regret saying that at all, Rinny."
But we're just teenagers, what do we know about love? she thinks.
Len stands up and sits next to her, taking his arm and wrapping it around her shoulders. He sighs and turns to her. "Do you regret saying that?"
"O-of course not! That's what I truly felt at the moment and it's what I still feel now!"
"Then there's nothing to worry about."
"Idiot, you're just trying to act cool. That makes no sense," Rin mutters.
"Maybe it doesn't. Maybe I'm just spouting out the stupidest things ever. But if I know one thing, it's that at this moment, I, Len Kagamine, love you, Rin Kagamine."
"But what about the future? We could grow to hate each other, you know," she points out. "We could grow to hate each other or something bad could happen. Just because we say those three words doesn't mean we'll be okay."
"You really are blunt about it..."
"I just don't want to sweeten things and make it hurt us more later."
"Well, then let those things happen. But just because there's the possibility that they could happen doesn't mean we should be paranoid."
A rough hand holds onto a strong and soft one.
"For as long as I can, I promise to take responsibility for relationship and I'll try my best to make you happy."
"And if you don't?"
"Well, you can knee me again or something."
Rin laughs at the thought and sets her head down on his shoulder. "I promise to try my best too."
Just as the two turn their heads to one another and are about to kiss, Teto smashes open the door, screaming profanities. The hands let go of each other as Teto closes the door and runs up the stairs.
"She's here for you!"
"She?"
"Galaco, that crazy girl! She was stalking me while I was stalking others, what a creeper!"
"Teto, you stalk people, I don't think you should be one to talk."
"Whatever! Let me hide under your bed for a bit!"
"T-Teto!"
Rin and Len stay quiet as the two upstairs continue to argue, Teto accusing of Oliver of having porn magazines under his bed and laughing when she does find them.
"You know, if you're going to stay faithful to me, I should probably go make sure that you don't have any of those either," Rin jokes, standing up and beginning to walk up the stairs. Len follows her closely behind, trying to prove that he doesn't have any either.
While the four argue and joke with each other, a small girl peeks through a window, studying the empty living room. She bends down and looks at the only possible way to get into the house, through a loosely screwed in vent. From there, she could just sneak in whenever and listen to Oliver's voice all night long, even when he was busy with the sexually explicit magazines or trying to sing a K-Pop song.
Galaco giggles at the thought and walks off to her house to grab items for the night.
Yes, creepy Galaco is creepy. But you will all understand her story a bit more in the next chapter. She isn't like Mayu, where she would kill someone to be with Oliver. She's just a lonely childhood friend... who's possessive.
Well, anyways, thank you for reading again and you can review down below if you'd like to! Bye bye~!
