Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all involved with it belongs to Joss Whedon. Same goes for Harry Potter stuff and JK Rowling. The fantastic song 'Both Sides Now' is by Joni Mitchell. Rivendell is the creation of JRR Tolkein.
A.N: There are two things in here that make references to other works (which I don't own). Gold stars for anyone who correctly guesses both. Love my reviewers.
Sonofgloin:Glad you liked the new lots of breaks format I had a crack at. Just sort of worked out that way for this chapter, don't know if I'll keep up with it too much. Yes, I do like to tease you. How did you guess? And it's easy for you to say exams aren't important- yours are already bloody finished!! XX00
Angie:Hehe I had so much fun with that last part! Yay- I made you feel for Sirius. I love making people react to things I write emotionally! LOL- I am an evil tease, coz you'll have to keep waiting for the werewolf to come out of the closet. It will get just a little closer next time round, though.
Kat:Hey Kat! Love you too- reviewers are like people who worship at my temple. Please continue & you will have my undying gratitude. If I get to command you- then please keep defending my work & praising it and making me feel like a literary genius. It's good inspiration for fast updates. Feel free to ruthlessly attack any flamers, too! XX00
PomegranateQueen:Thanks! (I do try!)
Clcountry:Oooh, I don't know exactly when the wolfy issue will come up. I know where in the story it's coming, and I know just what's going to happen (no I won't tell you- it's the one bombshell I'm dying to let drop all on its own) but I couldn't give you an exact chapter number to wait for. Maybe in about 5 or so chapters… not too sure, sorry! But it is in the not too distant future, I promise!
Davina:That would be so cool!!! I can't wait to see what ideas you've got for Dawn and Sirius now, I hope you get to writing it soon. Also, I'm really flattered that you'd write it for me. It's a fantastic gift to me, I'm always lamenting the lack of Dawn/Marauders fic in the world! You didn't expect Peter liking Dawn? Really? Re-read closely if you like, the signs are all there. 'Choosing My Confessions', 'Imitation of Life' and 'Unchained Melody' have the biggest hints, but there are other scattered ones throughout, like in the end parts of 'Christmas is all Around' particularly when Romulus comes into play Thanks for the review, and I'm looking forward to this story of yours now, Davina!
Saxifrage:Ok, so maybe 'exploded' wasn't quite the right term for my computer. Fizzled and made loud noises is more like. Either way, it was both bad and slightly cool to watch. I'm grateful for all this input, and you've given me a lot to think about, so I'll try & explain myself as best I can. As far as future Scooby interaction, it's still on the maybe (but probably) pile. The whole point of this is to take Dawn away from both the Scooby gang and Sunnydale and see what she comes up with on her own in a whole new setting. I know she fit into the Marauders' world too perfectly, but as far as the evil presence thing goes, I look at it this way: there was no consequence for Buffy going through the Glory-portal in the first place, only a trade-off for her being forced back. Nobody in the HP world brought Dawn over specifically, it was a mere fluke so the universe doesn't have to bring evil to balance out a 'gift' for anyone. As far as Buffy-verse style random mysteries go, Dawn is not a Slayer. I've done other stories where Dawn becomes a heroine in her own right (the Ilfirin Meleth series, a LOTR crossover) but this Dawn is a little different. She's, for lack of a better word, a wussy version of Dawn. And their big threat is Voldemort, the Marauders are much more carefree than the Golden Trio, so I don't see them looking for dangerous trouble. Just the naughty kind. That being said, demons and the like will come into the sequel in some form. I'm not sure how major a role they will play, but I promise they will be there. Hope you stick with me til then! And have you ever wondered what the consequences would be for the two teens who have sex like they have breakfast? I've become curious…
Thanks for the loofa! Best present ever!
Cheers!
Eyexcandy:I didn't lie, I swear! And look what you've made me do- now I can't study coz I just have to work on this chapter. LOL. Just kidding, who needs to study anyway?
Chicklepea:At least you're honest. But as all whores are, I am more a fan of quantity than quality, so consider this the review-whore's permission for you to keep reviewing just as a bookmark… so long as you DO keep reviewing! And keep enjoying, while you're at it!
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Both Sides Now
"Ok, we all ready?" James looked to his four best friends to receive four eager nods. "Well then, hit the lights if you please Mr Moony."
Remus flicked his wand twice. All the lanterns dimmed and the curtain slid across to cover the window. The Marauders were left in a the middle of the dorm with the glow of a ring of candles about them. Once they'd all settled, James took a hold of the black cloth covering something on the floor and whipped it away with a flourish.
Then he swore loudly as the end of the cloth flicked into a candle, toppling it over and spilling the wax all over the rug. The cloth itself began to smoulder and burn, James let out a yelp but Remus was quick with a watering spell to avert total disaster. The others burst out laughing, but when the commotion had passed there was a blank, unassuming piece of parchment folded and laying on the floor in between them.
"Is that…? Is it finished?" Dawn squealed.
Sirius nodded. Completed and ready for the grand unveiling. Only Dawn and Peter had yet to see the finished product, the other boys had been bringing it up to show them on the day that Peter had kissed Dawn. A flash of anger coursed through Sirius at the memory and he shot a dirty look at Peter. He'd forgiven, but he sure as hell hadn't forgotten. Peter seemed to sense the subtle change in the atmosphere and shifted instinctively away from Sirius and Dawn.
When he'd finally managed to pick most of the wax out of the rug, James turned around, commanded his friends' attention once more, and rested the tip of his wand on the centre of the parchment.
"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."
Dawn snorted. Then she gasped. Ink had blossomed onto the parchment, forming intricate letters:
In the name of the Kitten,
Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs
Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief Makers
are proud to present
THE MARAUDER'S MAP
Peter stared, wide-eyed in wonder and Dawn laughed in delight. "This is so cool," she squealed.
"Go on, Kitten, you can open it up," Sirius encouraged, loving the way her face lit up.
Carefully, slowly, Dawn began to unfold the Map and smooth it out on the floor. The lines that ran all over, outlining every known detail about the school and its grounds, she had seen before. But the hundreds of little dots, scattered and moving all around were new to her. And each one was labelled with a person's name.
"What do you think?" Remus asked, beaming with pride. This had, after all, been his idea in the first place.
"It's really neat," Peter said immediately.
"It's amazing, Rem," Dawn added. She leaned over it to try to find Gryffindor tower. "Where are we?"
"You can't see us?" Sirius asked, arching an eyebrow.
Dawn just shrugged. "Haven't you ever heard that stereotype about women being unable to read maps?"
"Must be one of those Muggle things," James said wryly. He tapped at the top part of the Map. "We're up here, Kitten."
Dawn scanned the area James had indicated. "Cool!" she said a minute later, having found them. "We're all in red!"
Sirius nodded. "Lines in black, Professors in green, students in blue, Marauders in red. Look closer at us- look at the dots," he hinted.
She did, and immediately realised what Sirius was getting at. The Marauders themselves did not have dots, but little drawings. They did not even have their real names. 'Moony' was accompanied by a crescent moon, 'Wormtail' by a little rat, 'Padfoot' had his paw print and 'Prongs' his antlers. Dawn couldn't help but grin at the tiny cat silhouette beside her own 'Kitten'.
"I think the lady approves," James noted. He touched his wand to the Map again. "Mischief managed."
"Dude," was all Dawn could say as the ink faded from the parchment.
Peter folded it carefully back down to size. "Where are we keeping it?" he asked.
"In Moony's top drawer," Sirius said. "Since it was his idea and all."
"Since it's less likely to get lost that way," Remus corrected.
Dawn glanced at the personal space of each of the four boys in turn. Sirius' was a big mess, always was, as was James'. Peter's was scarcely better off, only Remus' space was at all ordered and presentable. She nodded at him, but only so the other boys couldn't see as he took the Map, grinned at her, and slid it safely into his drawer.
"Hmm, I should go. It is getting pretty late," Dawn conceded, yawning as she got to her feet and stepped gingerly over the ring of candles.
Sirius jumped up beside her. "I'll walk you back downstairs,"
"Ok. Night, guys," Dawn called as she and Sirius left the boys' dorm.
"He'll be gone at least an hour," James predicted as the door clicked shut.
When the pair stepped into the Common Room, it was deserted but for the lonely crackle of the fire. Sirius took Dawn's hand and guided her over to the couch. She glanced up at him, questioning.
"Don't go upstairs yet," he said and pulled her down onto the couch alongside him.
Dawn smiled, cuddling up to his for a kiss. Sirius was only too happy to oblige, shifting closer into her warmth. After a while they broke off, just laying in silence and watching the fire slowly die.
"Dawn, do you remember the note I sent you the other day?" Sirius finally asked.
Dawn blushed slightly. There was no way she could forget that. Even if she managed it (not that she particularly wanted to) Isabel was always right there to remind her. "Of course I do."
"Well?" he prompted softly, trying to get a clearer view of her face. "Do you ever think about it? About what it would be like to do that again?" He stopped breathing to wait for her answer. Dawn slowly shifted around so she could look at him. It was a long time before she spoke.
"All the time, Sirius," she whispered.
"Do- do you want it to happen again?" he asked, blue locked on blue.
"Y-yes," she swallowed. "But I'm still nervous about it, still not sure of myself when we … when we're…"
He arched an eyebrow and smirked. "If you've done it, you should be able to say it," he informed her.
"Notice you haven't yet," Dawn shot back, colour rising ever so slightly in her cheeks. "Ok… when we're making love," she finished quietly.
Sirius played with the ends of her hair. "You don't have to be unsure, baby. You know I'll take care of you, don't you?"
She smiled, kissed him then.
"I do."
'Yo I'll tell ya what I want, what I really, really w- '
Lily, Isabel and Dawn shrieked as the CD emitted a shower of sparks and melted into a foul-smelling puddle. Isabel flopped back against the couch in defeat, colliding with Dawn's legs. Lily huffed and threw her wand down angrily.
"The energy is still of," Lily muttered.
Dawn smirked. "Maybe the spell just doesn't like your taste in music," she suggested.
Lily snorted, glancing at the now-empty Backstreet Boys, Neil Diamond and Spice Girls CD cases. "Give me some credit, Dawn. I stole them from my sister's collection when I was home for Christmas."
"You, Lily Evans, a thief?" Isabel burst out in mock horror. "Hand back your Prefect badge this instant!"
"You have a sister?" Dawn blinked.
Lily rolled her eyes at Isabel and then grimaced at Dawn. "Yes, I have an older sister. Petunia, she's seventeen. Call the CDs payback for five years of emotional torture and backdated birthday and Christmas presents."
"Ok. There's a story there," Dawn realised.
"You have no idea," Isabel muttered, laying her head back on Dawn's knee so she could look up at her upside-down. "I met her once, and if Lily's the witch in the Evans family, then Petunia's the witch with a capital B."
Lily nodded while she began to vanish the CD puddle from the Common Room floor. "She really doesn't like magic, has barely strung two sentences together to speak to me since I got my acceptance letter. I guess it probably didn't help, the way my parents were about it. I mean, you met them at Parents' Weekend, they're all 'Lily this and Lily that'. It's really important to them, me being special, but I guess it's hard on Petunia. Because the only thing special about her is the length of her neck," Lily joked, looking up for the first time since their conversation had taken this unexpected turn.
Dawn stared silently at Lily, a whole series of new thoughts occurring to her. Thoughts about pressures, and sisters, and having to be special. Dawn started to think that maybe she understood a little more about both Lily and Buffy now. It wasn't so much that they wanted to be the one who was chosen, the special one. They had to be. Dawn, for the first time, realised that maybe she should've given Buffy a break sometimes. She'd done her best.
Lily stared back at Dawn, then slowly arched one eyebrow.
Dawn coloured. "Sorry. Too many thoughts."
The Prefect shrugged and smiled slightly. "I'm saving all my good CDs for when the spell stops melting them."
"Good plan," Dawn said, smiling back.
Isabel leaned forwards to go over the formula of their spell with Lily, the girls both trying to spot the flaws in their work. Dawn turned her attention back to her own homework, reminding herself that she wouldn't be becoming an Auror without a lot of effort. It didn't help that Isabel and Lily's project just seemed so much more interesting; she kept getting so caught up in it that she probably knew almost as much about the project as the girls themselves. She eventually managed to tune out the quiet debate her friends were holding over the length of wand movements and was on page 467 of the copy of 'Charms: A Guide to Outstanding Marks' she'd borrowed from the Library by the time she was next distracted.
"Enough of this," Lily sighed, pushing the formula away from her as if it was an empty dinner plate.
"You're calling it quits?" Dawn asked hopefully. If even Lily was finishing up, she didn't have to feel guilty about abandoning her book.
Lily's green eyes fixed on Dawn, a little confused by the suggestion. "No, it's just time for my scheduled study break," she said simply.
Dawn almost laughed, but Isabel shot her a warning look to shut her up. It wasn't a joke. "Ok then," Dawn said, nonplussed.
Isabel couldn't resist a little giggle after that, and both she and Dawn quickly dissolved into peals of laughter. Lily just stared at them.
"What's so funny?" she finally asked.
"You know we love you Lils, but-" Isabel choked on her snickers.
"But who else would schedule breaks into a little before dinner homework and study session?" Dawn supplied when it became apparent that Isabel was incapable of finishing the sentence.
"Am I that bad?" Lily frowned. The silence that replied was answer enough. She looked down. "I'm not boring all the time, you know," she said quietly.
"Of course you're not sweetie," Isabel said with an encouraging smile. "We didn't mean it like that."
Dawn smiled at her. Lily reminded her of Willow's brains with Buffy's drive to be the best. "There's nothing wrong with who you are Lily. You remind me of my old family."
Lily, however, didn't seem to hear any of the comfort Dawn and Isabel had offered. She was lost in her own thoughts. "I can be spontaneous, and funny, I don't always stop everyone from having their fun," she said, sounding as if she was trying to convince herself.
Isabel and Dawn exchanged confused glances.
"Fine then," Lily said, louder. Her eyes sparkled with a new sort of rebellious excitement. "No more scheduled study breaks. In fact, no more study at all!"
"Whoa- slow down there Lils," Isabel laughed. "One step at a time. Let's just take the rest of the day off and see how we go?"
Lily nodded eagerly. "Ok. What should we do? Ice-skating on the lake? No, I know- we could go near the edge of the Forbidden Forest without a Professor!"
"Hop off the outlaw train, Lily. You'll land us all in detention," Dawn warned with friendly sarcasm. "Let's just refuse to have a remotely intelligent conversation until dinner time. Now pick a stupid topic."
"Um…" Lily frowned. Being stupid was harder than she thought.
Isabel grinned at the obvious trouble Lily was having. "Ok, I'll start then. What would you want a boy to say to you when you're about to do it for the first time?"
"'Hey, don't I know you?'" Dawn immediately supplied.
"'This won't take long'," Isabel topped.
They laughed loudly, then turned to Lily to await her response. The redhead bit her lip, a pensive look coming over her face. "You're thinking too much," Dawn chided.
"'What's your name, again?'" Lily finally mumbled, blushing as her friends laughed and joining in the fun at last. "Ok, next question. What would be your prefect setting?" she asked, blurting it out while she was still buzzing from the success of the first wilfully stupid thing she'd ever said.
"Hmm," Isabel mused. "Well Dawn seems to like the boys' dorm."
"Whereas Isabel prefers the toilets on the Hogwarts Express," Dawn retorted, blushing slightly. During the exchange, none of the girls noticed four boys enter the Common Room and stop just behind the couch they were all lounging against.
"Something nice, something comfortable," Isabel said. "With a view: mountains. I like mountain views."
Dawn and Lily both nodded. "Nice. I would've said a little cottage on a secluded beach. One of those ones without civilization for miles and miles. Your turn, Dawn."
Dawn thought it over. "Rivendell," she finally said. "With the daybed and the eternal autumn and the waterfalls. That would be gorgeous."
"It would," Lily agreed, imagining the scenery with a wistful smile.
"What are you girls talking about?" Sirius burst out at last. It sounded like mushy, girly stuff, but he and the other three Marauders couldn't quite get a handle on what the girls were discussing.
"Nothing," Dawn said, trying to hide the secretive smirk she'd been sharing with the girls from him.
"This is one of those 'don't ask' things, isn't it?" Remus asked Isabel, who nodded as she laughed.
"Just a quiet mid-afternoon rebellion," she assured him.
"Evans is involved in a rebellion?" James asked, his whole face lighting up. "Be still my heart."
Lily shot Dawn and Isabel a defeated look, sighed, and picked up her book again.
"May I ask you something, cousin?" a haughty voice asked, accompanied by a disdainful sniff.
"I thought we agreed not to acknowledge the horrible fact that we're related," Sirius commented. "Pretending you don't exist suited me just fine."
Ignoring the remark, Narcissa sashayed forwards to place her reed-like frame in Sirius' path. Dawn tried not to show any expression as she took in the blond Black close up for the first time. Her hair and skin were pale, the eyes that glared coolly from the infuriatingly dainty face were only a shade darker than Sirius'. Her face was made up flawlessly, and each blond strand had been tortured and captured in a twist at the back of her head. She was even better groomed than Cordelia in high school, and had even more product (magical, of course) in her hair than Angel on a heavy day.
Sirius just arched an eyebrow at Narcissa, who was standing between the Marauders and the entrance to the Great Hall. She arched one right back, years of practice making the gesture perfectly regal: the look of a Slytherin Queen.
"Do you have any honour at all, Sirius?"
"Do you?" he retorted.
"How dare you insult me," Narcissa said, her back stiffening. "You just keep going from bad to worse, where does it end? First, you get sorted into Gryffindor," she said, her nose wrinkling as if she'd smelled something foul. "You consort with half-bloods and blood-traitors, you show no respect for your family."
Sirius glanced at Dawn, rolling his eyes slightly. "What's that phrase? Bored now," he said in a droning voice.
He went to simply step around Narcissa, but she moved to block his exit. The contemptuous air about her gave way to a hint of anger. James and Remus shared a look. Funny as Narcissa's tantrums could be, they could also be quite dangerous. Narcissa was far more spiteful, even if she was less prone to attack than her younger sister.
"I'm not finished," she snapped. "You disgust me. You shame our very name to defy your parents, cavorting about with that Mudblood," –"Watch it," Sirius growled- "Like a lovesick puppy, but last week you just went too far, cousin."
Dawn felt the change in the atmosphere rolling in like a storm on the sea. Sirius' jaw set, he was still sensitive about the week he'd spent at Grimmauld Place. Even Dawn and James didn't know most of what had transpired while he was away.
"Oh, and what did I do to make that dear little delicate nose that Lucius the Rapist loves so much wrinkle in distaste?" he asked, all trace of nonchalance lost despite the words he chose.
Narcissa looked properly horrified about Sirius' accusations towards her boyfriend. A light smattering of pink washed over her cheeks and her eyes narrowed. "I am talking about your father's funeral," she said, barely restraining herself from stamping her foot. "Poor Regulus, and your mother must've been so embarrassed! You spend your worthless life throwing all the things your father tried to give you back in his face, and you can't even bring yourself to shed a tear as they bury him? A new low, even for you."
"Don't be so ridiculous, Narcissa," Sirius snapped, his face aflame. "You're throwing a hissy fit because I didn't let everyone see me cry?"
"You embarrassed Regulus," Narcissa retorted. "You made him think it was wrong for him to show how upset he was just because you're a callous little ingrate. Your bad example is always confusing him!"
Dawn, Remus and James exchanged glances, a little confused. Something felt off about Narcissa's tirade, like she was just looking for any old excuse to confront Sirius. Like she was holding onto a bigger bombshell. Sirius, thinking Narcissa was just feeling left out because it was always Bellatrix who got to confront him, just rolled his eyes at her.
"That's because your precious baby cousin Regulus couldn't put his robes on in the morning without someone choosing them for him," he informed her. He was tired of making excuses for Regulus' weakness. His little brother had the same options that Sirius himself did.
Narcissa glanced away, quickly reassessing her plan of attack. "Do you even care how your father died?" she asked silkily.
"Yes," Sirius said, quieter now. "He mixed with the wrong crowd and got caught up in their mess."
A perfect blond eyebrow arched disdainfully. "Well isn't that just a lovely, bloodless way of looking at it, cousin? Saves you having to ask the real question of who actually killed your father. But I can tell you that," she said, her voice dropping to a gleeful whisper.
"Oh please," Remus spoke up for the first time. "There's no way you could possibly know that."
Narcissa didn't even glance at the dirty little half-blood abomination who'd dared speak to her. "I do know. Marius Malfoy has many friends in high places within the Ministry. Friends more than willing to sneak him a glance at the official reports from the incident," she said in a savage whisper, eyes gleaming strangely and darting between the five friends before settling again on Sirius. "It was Harold Potter who killed your father. You've always wished you were one of them, haven't you? What do you think of your boyfriend's family now?"
Before Remus could yell at her to leave, she was gone. Peter had gasped out loud and Dawn had clapped a hand over her gaping mouth while James stared shakily at the spot Narcissa had just vacated. The only person who didn't react with some display of horrified shock was Sirius himself, who was glancing at James almost apologetically. Remus studied him.
"You already knew," the werewolf realised.
Sirius looked down. James whipped his head around to stare accusingly at his best friend. There was no mistaking the sparks in his hazel depths, even amongst all the confusion there.
"Let's go somewhere private," Dawn suggested quickly. She could tell there was a big discussion coming on, probably better not to stage it where they could so easily be overheard by the entire school.
"The Room of Requirement, then?" Remus suggested, urging James and Sirius off in that direction.
The walk up to the seventh floor was silent, awkward, with the five of them rushing to try to escape the stifling presences of their own friends around them. They reached the concealed entrance, thinking of a quiet place to talk as they paced. On their third turn, Dawn hears somebody's (probably Peter's) stomach grumble. When the door appeared, they opened it to find a space not unlike the Common Room with a small banquet laid on a table against the back wall.
Remus settled on the beanbag immediately (he had a fascination for them), while Dawn and Sirius automatically took the love seat and James slumped in the leather recliner. When he'd fixed a plate up, Peter joined the rest taking a seat on the rug in front of the fire.
"All right," Remus said slowly. "So we should talk about this."
"We should," Dawn agreed, looking around to see if anybody was going to volunteer.
The silence echoed throughout several minutes, interrupted only by the soft crunch of Peter's teeth as he chewed, and the dull drumming of James' fingers against the arm of his chair. They all looked between each other.
"One of you should speak before the next full moon," Dawn suggested, looking between Sirius and James. Sirius just shrugged, though the gesture seemed to provoke James.
"Padfoot, what the hell?" he burst out, straightening the back of the recliner with a snap of the metal skeleton. "How could you not tell me that? How did you even find out?"
Sirius looked at James, then studied the floor like a conscientious student. "Your Dad sent me a letter a couple of days after I got called back to my parents'… my mother's place. He told me what happened."
"And you didn't tell me about this because…?"
"Because it's none of your damn business!" Sirius snapped, pounding his fist against the arm rest.
"Like hell it isn't!" James roared back, pushing against the recliner to catapult himself to his feet. "This is my Dad killing someone we're talking about here!"
Sirius was on his feet and yelling, too. "It wasn't just some random person he killed James, it was my father. So forgive me for not wanting to share the gory details."
James rumpled his hair, an emotionally triggered habit. "But Padfoot, you could've saidsomething to us. To me," he said, his voice quieter now.
Sirius shrugged, as he often did when he was in a mood. "Your Dad asked me not to. When he told me what happened, he said he'd take it back in a heartbeat if he could. He'd never killed anyone in a duel before, always went for the lesser curses. Usually the binding ones. He-" Sirius' voice started to crack, he hid his face from his friends' eyes.
Remus and Peter looked down, not wanting to embarrass their friend by watching him cry. With a build-up of empathetic tears in her own eyes, Dawn stood to wrap her arms around Sirius. Her hands rested on his chest and she laid her cheek against his back. James looked on the verge of apologising, but Sirius beat him to speech.
"Mr P said he was sorry and that he'd understand if I didn't forgive him. And then he promised to make sure I'd never want for anything because he'd taken my father away from me and asked that, if nothing else, I didn't tell you what he'd done. I think he's worried you'll be mad at him or something," Sirius said softly. He brought a hand up and squeezed Dawn's until his knuckles were white.
James' hand raced through his hair once more, his face scrunched up as if trying to decipher a difficult potions method. "So you weren't going to tell me, but it's alright for me to find out from someone like Narcissa the Viper? That's fair," he scoffed.
"Prongs," Remus said gently. "He couldn't have suspected a leak in the Ministry, the Prophet certainly hasn't got a hold of it yet. Your Dad knows how much you hate anything about the Dark Arts, he wouldn't want you to be disappointed if he had to use a Dark Curse in a duel."
Peter nodded furiously, not wanting them to fight any more.
"I guess," James said grudgingly. "Sorry to bring all that up on you, Padfoot mate."
Sirius, still not showing his face, nodded. "That's ok," he said, his voice crackling and wet. "You guys think you could go? Leave me alone for a while?"
"Sure," James said sympathetically. It was hard for boys to really cry in front of each other, even when they really did have a reason to cry. Three of the Marauders silently made their way out of the Room of Requirement, Peter still absently holding onto his empty plate.
Dawn's arms were still clamped around Sirius' chest. "Do you want me to go, too?" she asked, loosening her grip.
"No," Sirius choked.
The door clicked shut behind the others and Dawn started moving around to stand in front of Sirius. He kept his wet face angled away. Even though he knew she'd seen him cry once before, he hadn't actually let her see his face while he was doing it. a part of him just didn't want her to see his weakness. He was supposed to be strong. Dawn gently took his face in her hands and guided his gaze to hers.
"It's ok to cry," she said, soft but firm. "Don't hold back from me when you're hurting, I can help you make it better."
After a moment, he nodded slightly to show he understood her. Dawn stretched up to kiss his tears away, even though new ones flooded down to take their place. They ended up collapsed in a heap on the rug, Sirius' arms wrapped around Dawn's waist and his face buried into her stomach as he sobbed uncontrollably. Dawn stroked his hair and his back and murmured loving nonsense to him until he was left shuddering, but quiet.
A few minutes of silence followed in the aftermath before she started to talk to him again. "Sometimes grief just sneaks up on you and if you don't deal with it, it can hit you pretty hard from behind."
Sirius sniffed. "I'm so confused, Kitten," he whispered.
"I know, baby, I know," Dawn soothed. "It's natural to be confused. Losing a parent was hard enough, but then you've got this whole complicated relationship with your family to consider, too. So you're probably feeling lots of things that don't add up right about now. You're grieving, and you're also probably feeling guilty because you didn't get along with your Dad. And maybe deep down you're even a little relieved that he can't disapprove of you anymore, and upset because now he'll never approve of you either. God, Sirius, you can't keep all that stuff to yourself- you'll explode. Or become a minor kleptomaniac," she added, reflecting on past experiences.
Sirius pulled a face at her. "A kleptomaniac?" he asked. It was about the only thing she'd said that hadn't made perfect sense to him.
She glanced down with a hint of a shamed blush. "I may have done some stupid things when Mom died. Stopped going to school, stole little things, gave my sister a bit of attitude. I thought that if I did things like that, people would notice how much I was hurting and try to help me through it."
"Did it work?" Sirius asked.
"No," Dawn snorted. She moved over to rest her back against the beanbag, Sirius still curled around her for comfort. "As far as I know, Anya never even missed the earrings and the other stuff just got Buffy really ticked off at me."
"So what should I do then?" Sirius asked.
"What would make you feel better?" Dawn countered.
He turned his face up to her, eyes slowly beginning to dry. "Sing for me," he whispered.
Dawn smiled and brushed a hand across his cheek and then up to cup his head, fingers entwined in his hair. "Any requests?"
"Anything, so long as I get to hear your voice."
Dawn nodded, kissed his forehead, and began to sing.
Bows and flows of angel hair, and ice-cream castles in the air
and feather canyons everywhere; I've looked at clouds that way.
But now they only block the sun, they rain and they snow on everyone.
So many things I would've done, but clouds got in my way.
I've looked at clouds from both sides now, from up and down
but still somehow it's cloud illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all.
Moons and junes and ferris wheels, the dizzy-dancing way that you feel
As every fairytale comes real; I've looked at love that way.
But now it's just another show and you leave 'em laughing when you go
and if you cared don't let them know, don't give yourself away.
I've looked at love from both sides now, from give and take
but still somehow it's love's illusions I recall, I really don't know love
I really don't know love at all.
Tears, and fears, and feeling proud to say I love you right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds; I've looked at life that way.
Oh but now old friends they're acting strange, and they shake their heads,
and they tell me that I've changed. But something's lost
and something's gained in living every day.
Oh I've looked at life from both sides now, from win and lose
but still somehow it's life's illusions that I recall
I really don't know life at all.
It's life's illusions that I recall, I really don't know life
I really don't know life at all.
Sirius eyes had completely dried by the time Dawn had finished singing. He looked up at her with a small smile. "I think I'm ready to go back now."
Dawn frowned as she walked through the darkened streets of Sunnydale, knowing both too much and not enough at the same time. She knew she was looking for a Doctor of some kind, but she wasn't sure how she knew, or exactly what Doctor she was even looking for. Her gut feeling told her it wasn't an everyday GP.
She kept walking until she came to a building lit up like a Christmas tree, smothered in fluorescent lights. Dawn walked inside and up to the counter of the DoubleMeat Palace, where Buffy stared blankly at her.
"My hat has a cow," Buffy said.
Dawn nodded. "I had noticed that. Buffy, what does all this mean?"
"I'm just working counter now, not grill," Buffy announced.
Dawn sighed. She was beginning to hate this; dreams that were obviously meant to tell her something but didn't make even the slightest bit of sense to her.
"Love the hair," she told Buffy, feeling dejected.
Buffy moved on to serve a new customer, Dawn turned and stalked out of the building, shoving her way through the glass doors. Outside, she almost barrelled Anya, Xander and Willow over as they tried to head into the DoubleMeat Palace.
"We come to support her subsistence level employment," Anya said brightly.
Xander reached out and tried to tickle her. "How's my sweet, fancy Dawn?" he asked in a babytalk voice.
Dawn jumped back, a memory of a time Xander had actually said that to her flashing into the back of her mind. Without a word, she rushed away into the night.
"But Dawnie, don't you want a burger?" Willow called after her, sounding forlorn.
Dawn didn't respond. Without the glaring beacon of the DoubleMeat Palace to guide her, the night suddenly seemed much darker, more foreboding. Every rustle of leaves, every snapped twig from behind her heralded an unseen threat. She went to run, but caught sight of a red gleam that stopped her in her tracks. Red eyes. They studied her from the darkness, driving a stake of cold fear through her heart.
"I'm watching you," a voice hissed, sounding like it was coming from everywhere at once. "I'm waiting for you."
Dawn just nodded in response. A part of her had always known they'd come for her eventually. She blinked, all of a sudden standing in the foyer of the Summers' home. Riley shrugged at her.
"A lot can happen in a year," Riley said.
"I'm getting that." Dawn wrinkled her nose at him. "I'm looking for a Doctor," she said, still slightly confused by it all.
"Me too. I can show you. You look all grown up to me."
"Ok."
Riley opened the door for her and they stepped back into the night. As they strolled along, a great black dog trotted up out of the shadows. Padfoot licked Dawn's hand in greeting, then sniffed Riley's hand experimentally before giving a small, almost approving 'ruff'. Dawn and Riley watched Padfoot bolting ahead of them, snapping at cats and chasing his tail.
"Good dog," Riley chuckled. "Playful."
"That he is," Dawn agreed, smiling to herself.
Riley nodded. "Is he a good guy, though? He treat you right?"
An enormous smile brightened Dawn's face. "Yes. He's perfect."
As if he'd heard, Padfoot looked back and barked happily, his tail wagging like mad. Dawn giggled softly.
"You'll rip his heart out," Riley predicted, watching Dawn sorrowfully.
"I'm not her," Dawn said, shaking her head. "I'm not her."
Riley looked down. "We're here," he said gruffly, pushing the door of Spike's crypt open.
Dawn looked around to call Padfoot back to her, but he was darting between trees and headstones in a frenzy of black fur, so euphoric in his freedom that she thought it would be wrong to rein him in. She watched as a couple of fledgling vampires scattered from the black, growling cannonball tearing through their midst, smiling wistfully. Then she followed Riley into Spike's home.
She almost bumped into a wide, Kevlar-clad back frozen inside the doorway. Dawn edged around Riley so she could see what had him so dumbstruck, and immediately wished she hadn't. Seeing her sister in bed with Spike was never, ever going to be one of her favourite sights.
Buffy looked down, unable to meet Riley's gaze as she clutched the sheet to her chest. Riley himself suddenly looked like a King, gazing down at the bed with regal superiority even Narcissa would have trouble matching. Spike smirked and reclined against the pillows, lit cigarette in hand.
"Yeah, I'm your Doctor, so what of it?" His scarred eyebrow rose over the eyes that lived within the dead face and stared deep into Dawn's.
"What are youreallylooking for?"
When Dawn stepped into the Common Room the next morning, Peter and Sirius were the only Marauders there. They were on one of the couches in the corner, Sirius staring around him in boredom and Peter fidgeting a little. Dawn studied the scene and had analysed it within a moment. They'd called a truce, but Dawn could tell Sirius would not forget what Peter had done in a hurry. Dawn suspected that because of the betrayal he felt from his own family, Sirius was not one to take betrayal at all lightly. From the way he kept opening his mouth without quite getting up the courage to speak, it seemed Peter could sense it, too.
Dawn sighed, wishing there was some magical way to take back that moment. She shrugged the feeling off quickly, dismissing her mood as tiredness due to the strange dream that had interrupted her rest the night before. A minute later she was bounding over to plop into the space between the two boys.
"Good morning," she said, grinning at them both.
"Morning," Peter returned. He smiled, then glanced at Sirius and hastily looked away.
Sirius planted a kiss on Dawn's cheek. "Good morning," he said, looping an arm behind her and resting it across her shoulders. Dawn rested her head against his chest.
"Where are the others?" she asked.
"They're sleeping in, the slackers. Wormtail and I just woke up early and couldn't get back to sleep."
"Early?" Dawn snorted, checking the time. "It's ten o'clock."
"Yeah," Peter shrugged. "But we've already had breakfast and everything."
Dawn pouted. "Well then who's going to take me to breakfast? I don't want to sit all alone."
Sirius glanced at Peter and rolled his eyes. "Did you really think we'd make you eat alone, Kitten? There's this 'second breakfast' concept I've been meaning to investigate, anyway. You coming, Peter?"
Even though the idea of a second breakfast sounded like heaven to Peter, he declined and let the couple set off for the Great Hall alone. Dawn took a stack of pancakes, Sirius took one twice as high and waited for Dawn to place a generous dollop of cream on both before smothering the lot with maple syrup. Dawn loved maple syrup. She occasionally even had a bite of pancake with her maple syrup.
They ate in silence, Dawn secretly enjoying the way she didn't feel the need to say anything while she was with Sirius. It had certainly helped to curb her Sunnydalian tendency to babble. Neither spoke until they were walking back towards the Common Room, holding hands.
Sirius cleared his throat slightly. "Dawn, what do you think about … Do you want to go up to the Room of Requirement tonight?" he asked quietly.
Dawn bit her lip and considered the real underlying question, what he was truly asking of her. Sirius noticed the way she balked and shook his head quickly. "Don't worry about it Kitten. I shouldn't have asked."
"What? I didn't say 'no'," Dawn said. "In fact, I do want to go with you tonight, I just wanted to think about it first." She gave him a little smile. "I wanted to be sure."
"Good. Sure is good," Sirius smiled.
Dawn looked away, suddenly shy and blushing. She couldn't believe she'd just made a date with premeditated plans to go all the way. She thought about who she was when she was in Sunnydale, and thought that the little girl she was slowly starting to leave behind would probably never have considered such a thing. Sirius chucked her chin lightly.
"Hey, don't go all shy on me now, Summers," he joked.
Dawn looked back at him and grinned through her blush. The rest of the day seemed to go on for an age. Dawn divided her time fairly evenly between willing the hours to go by faster, and then wondering if she could fake a headache so she wouldn't have to go through with it. But then dinner came and went and Sirius was leading her up to the seventh floor corridor.
She paused just before the vase and looked down. Sirius, now a few steps ahead, turned to look back at her. "Kitten? You ok?"
"Yeah," she said, still looking at her feet. "Just … nervous," she admitted.
"Oh," he made a soft noise of understanding and went back to wrap her in a hug. "Just try to relax baby. I know this is all new to you, but I promise I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to. Ok? You know that, right?"
Dawn nodded against his chest. "Course I do. I trust you. It's just me I don't trust," she mumbled, spilling all her fears into him. "What if it's … What if I'm not… good. I don't want you to be disappointed in me," she whispered.
"Never happen," Sirius promised. He pulled away a little, just enough so he could see her face. "We'll just take it nice and slow, and find what works for both of us. I'll tell you what- why don't you choose what the room looks like? That way you can pick somewhere you think you'll be comfortable," he suggested.
Dawn smiled. Nowthat she knew just how to handle. With a small, sweet kiss, she turned and paced before the opening three times. She went to open the door that appeared, but Sirius stopped her.
"Wait," he said. "I've always wanted to do this."
Dawn let out a delighted squeal as she was swept off her feet and carried across the threshold. He set her back down, the carpet of autumn leaves crunched beneath her while stars shone brightly overhead.
"Kitten, if you ever get tired of being an Auror, I suggest you take up decorating," Sirius said, drinking in the paradise he'd walked into.
Dawn smiled. It was just what she'd wanted; they hadn't come into a room, but a whole new world. Autumn leaves surrounded a gazebo, entwined with vines and studded with candles. In the centre of the gazebo stood a daybed, not made up with sheets, but with countless strips of white silk draped over it. instead of a far wall, there was a waterfall that seemed to come from a distant mountain, rushing down to create a pristine, clear pool with a border of smooth stones. She turned her little grin in Sirius' direction.
"Welcome to Rivendell," she quipped.
Sirius took her hand and led her into the gazebo, he sat her down on the edge of the daybed and knelt before her. He kissed her knee, just peeking out of the hem of her skirt, and peeled her shoes and socks off. He then worked his own feet free before sitting beside Dawn on the edge of the bed. Planning every moment carefully to give her time to get comfortable, Sirius pushed Dawn's hair behind her shoulders and ran his thumb lightly over her bottom lip before gently claiming her mouth with his own.
Dawn slowly shifted her body a little closer to Sirius' and brought a hand up to rest on his shoulder. Sirius gave her a deeper kiss in response before pulling back a little. He scooted back to lay down, drawing Dawn in beside him and just looking at her for a moment before beginning to kiss her again.
"Are you alright?" he murmured into her hair some time later, when they were both well and truly submersed in the feel of their bodies so close together.
"Yeah," Dawn whispered back, clinging to his shirt. "You can keep going."
Sirius nodded, but did not immediately increase the intensity. He cast the protection charm, but only slowly, as it started to feel right did their clothing start to come off. Even then it was several more minutes until all their clothes were scattered through the leaves and there were no more barriers between the two bodies.
Dawn felt strange, knowing she was naked with Sirius and he was looking at her. But he seemed to like what he was seeing and she realised how much she liked that. Her self-consciousness dimmed and she began the gentle process of familiarising herself with all of his body, too. The games of looking and light touches went on for much longer, almost longer than Sirius could stand it, but finally the need to go further overtook them both like the tide rolling in.
When he finally laid her back against the mattress and took her, it was as gentle as the first time they'd made love. He moved slowly, helping to guide her through the first uncertain moments until Dawn felt comfortable enough for her body to start responding to his in its own fashion. Throughout the night Dawn and Sirius took their time exploring each other; experimenting to find out what Dawn liked best, Sirius slowly beginning to teach her all the things he most enjoyed.
When they were both satisfied and had had enough, they lay entwined together amongst the silk. The quiet talking, kissing and wrestling went on between the pair until, at long last, both fell into an exhausted sleep. Sirius was the first to awaken, drifting back into consciousness with the magically manufactured sun warming his skin. He opened his eyes and smiled at Dawn as she slept on beside him, all snatches of cream and pink in amongst the white silk that paled in comparison. He pulled her close and snuggled up to her, and Dawn gave the first signs of wakefulness by snuggling back and letting out a contented "mmm." He wasn't really sure when she began curling a lock of his hair around her fingers, but didn't pause to consider it as he kissed her closed eyelids.
"Good morning," Dawn sighed, smiling and opening her eyes at last.
"That it is," Sirius agreed. "Oh and hey, I finally figured out what you girls were on about in the Common Room the other day," he said, indicating their surroundings.
Dawn just giggled.
Sirius chuckled. "You know baby, you have quite the imagination for fantasy. Mine is much less original, and also a bit disturbing."
Dawn lifted her head to look at him properly. "Do I want to know what it involves?"
"Well we're about to find out," he shrugged. "It involves you, me, and your little school skirt…"
Dawn was about to ask him what was so terribly disturbing about that when he finished his sentence.
"… on McGonagall's desk," Sirius finished, mumbling.
Then she was almost laughing. "You can't be serious!"
"Last time I checked, I was," he smirked.
Dawn pinched his hip in retaliation, he growled and playfully wrestled her until they tumbled off the daybed. They paused for breath as the leaves crackled and crunched beneath them. Dawn wriggled about, irritated.
"This feels all scratchy," she said, wrinkling her nose. "And there are little bits of leaves stuck in my hair."
Sirius let out a short huff. "I suppose there's nothing for it, then."
Before Dawn knew what he was doing, he'd jumped to his feet, swept her up, leaves and all, and was heading for the pool at the foot of the waterfall. She squealed, and as he went to dump her in the water she hooked her arm around his neck, taking him with her.
They tumbled into the pool together, and even as they surfaced, sputtering, Sirius was reaching out to pull Dawn into his arms.
