Chapter 48: Trying Too Hard
Now it's time for the Vocaloids to be back at school and face all their boring ordeals of homework and tests. But things can't really be that tame, not since everything has come out in the open. And looks like there's two new girls?
Aito's POV
So this is it, huh?
My eyes slide down to the walkway leading to the opening doors of Yamaha High. Just like every day, I wait here, slanted against the wall, just for Luka. Ever since we began talking more, just for Luka. Through the cold winter days, through the warm and hot spring mornings, just for Luka. Just for Luka.
Why the hell do I do this to myself?
I stand up from the all and look at the entrance. Ever since winter break, I've been catching myself habitually waiting on Luka, like some dog. Well, it's instinct, like it's programmed for me to do this. Then Gumi comes along and we link hands and walk inside.
I ask about her morning.
"Great, just like every day with you."
We joke about a thing or two.
Her hand grips mine in the cold.
I smile back.
She blushes.
Just like a cute, normal teenage couple.
Is this really all?
Sometimes I catch myself looking back for Luka. Never see her walking alone, only hand-in-hand with Kaito or giggling with Rin about something. Her messy morning cotton candy hair is adorable. Those chapped, cold lips of hers, I want to kiss. Her slim waist, huggable. Peppermint tea still lingering around her breath. Tail wagging, ears up, drool slightly coming out-I must surpress it. I'm not her dog.
We barely even look at each other anymo-no, scratch that. I can feel her eyes on me, but I never look up. The shame of rejection always keeps my eyes down to my desk.
Maybe I should have a different attitude. Be friends with Luka again. Forget the past. Make the effort with my current relationship. Fall in love with Gumi. Stop being so negative. Be happy again.
Forget that.
I want to hold, touch, kiss, caress, soothe, hug, breathe in every part of Luka and call her mine.
I want Luka. I want Luka. I want Luka. I want Luka. I want Luka. I want Luka. I want Luka.
Oh god, I want you so much. Why the hell can't I have you?
Let's lie again.
I'm happy with Gumi.
I can forget about Luka.
I can avoid this problem.
I'll get tired of all this and break it off with Gumi. Don't care.
Staying in this recluse state, I'll most likely lose every friend I have.
I'll be alone, but okay.
When did I stop being honest and blunt and turn into this pathetic thing?
I drop my head to my desk and groan. Just start the damn lesson already, Mrs. Megurine.
Normal POV
In Between Classes
"Looks like things went batshit crazy during the trip."
"Especially the last day," Gumi says, looking over at her laughing friend. Teto glances over at Neru's acne-covered face and snickers.
"Oh, she could have gotten much, much worse punishment."
"Punishment?" Miki asks, crossing her arms and fixing her stance against the wall. The three are in a small circle and talking amongst themselves.
Instantly, Teto's face darkened. "You don't want to know what she did."
In his own seat and on the other side of the classroom sits Oliver, getting his cheeks pinched by Rin and Len.
"G-Guys, that hurts!" Oliver whines, tears forming in his eyes. His arms flail around, afraid to grab a hold of either of them. Rin and Len laugh and let go, then examine the red marks they made.
"Mine's pretty big."
"Yeah? Well, mine's pinker."
"Prove it."
"The proof is right here!"
Len smirks and raises an eyebrow. "I wasn't talking about the mark."
Rin's face slowly turns pink as she understands what he meant. With a slam on his back and a yank on his bangs, she yells, "I-Idiot, don't say such things like that out loud!"
Oliver shakes in his seat as the two continue to brutally flirt with each other. Talk about being a third-wheel...
"So hey, I can come over today, right?" Rin sits back on her desk and looks up at Len. "That reminds me too- you never finished those art lessons!"
"We need to see your progress... well, if you have made any progress."
Rin pouts as she kicks back her feet to softly hit against Len's knees. "I have made progress! I've drawn lots, and painted lots, and I think I'm a bit better."
"Ha, so it's like you don't even need me anymore, huh?"
The oddness of what he said causes Rin to look up. He's laughing, sure, but... that was something odd to say. Through her short eyelashes, Rin looks at Len's eyes as he looks at the back of the room.
What is this sudden feeling...?
Galaco glares at the girl in the back of the room.
Kanon Wakashi.
Apricot-colored hair, green eyes...
God, what's with her weird outfit? Galaco snorts and blows back her bangs, keeping a steady glare on the girl.
"Galaco's boring a hole into your forehead," Sonika says to Kanon, looking up at Galaco. And even though she's caught, and the hatred is acknowledged, Galaco still doesn't lower her eyes. She sticks up her middle finger at the girl and looks back at Hachi, who still seems as carefree as ever. Anon, Kanon's twin sister, looks up from her book to inspect the girl.
"She's just one of those odd girls, I bet." Kanon sighs and shrugs. "I barely came into this class, I don't see why she's dogging my every move."
"I think it's because of this morning."
"This morning?"
Oliver made it a bit late to class this morning since his backpack went missing, and Len wouldn't even stop to help him look for it.
As he was mildly cursing the blonde boy in his head and shaking from being tardy, Oliver bumped into a girl struggling to keep her schedule on top of her books.
Kanon looked over at the boy who bumped against her arm. Poor boy was shaking- why?
"Are..." she asked, drawing her words out,"you okay?"
Oliver stopped shaking for a second and nodded his head. "J-Just a little anxious. I really need to get to class b-before-"
Crap! The bell was about to ring in seconds and yet Oliver was standing here and talking to some girl! Well, at least it was a pretty girl, so it wasn't all in waste.
Wait, I can't think about other girls that way! Neru will sense these feelings and kill me! Oliver thought, looking up at the girl with worry. Noticing his shaking again, she grabbed his hand.
"What class?" she asked.
His eyes stared at their interlocked hands. "Eh?"
"Your class?"
"O-Oh, um, Megurine. I-I mean, Mrs.-"
"Perfect."
And with that, Kanon began running off, dragging Oliver with her through the crowded hallways. People were beginning to head to class, some carefree and others in a rush. Oliver's eyes rushed over to the clock on their left.
Any second now...
Just as their feet grazed into the classroom, the bell rang. His face felt hot, sweaty, and having others look at the two like that made him even more embarrassed. Oliver looked over at Len, who was eyeing them with a smirk. Oliver didn't even notice when Kanon let go of his hand and walked over to a seat.
And he certainly didn't notice the envious girl glaring daggers at Kanon either.
"Rumor is that Galaco and Oliver had this thing or something."
Sonika scoots closer to Kanon with a smile. She loves spreading gossip, even more when it's not about herself.
"Apparently when they both lived in the UK, Galaco was like mad crazy over the guy. But Oliver never liked her. So get this- the crazy bitch followed Oliver over here. Learned by his parents where he was, planned this whole thing out. Freaking creepy, right? And I guess Oliver was so freaked out over this weirdo that he's been ignoring her since. I think the reason he came over here was because of her."
"Do you think it was a hookup that he regretted or something?" Kanon asks, looking at Oliver.
"Maybe. But I kinda doubt that Oliver's ever even touched a girl's butt. Oh, but Neru told me that during the trip, she led the guy to the forest and-"
The bell rings once more just as Mrs. Megurine walks into the classroom with coffee in her hand. Sonika turns around to face the front just as others begin to take their seats.
Two new students...and they're already caught in some drama.
The hallway rings with the dismissal bell for lunch. Miku slowly places her things back into her backpack, mostly waiting for the main crowd to walk out of the classroom. As she swings her backpack onto her side and starts making her way across, a hand tugs at her cardigan.
"Hey, are you eating lunch with anyone today?"
Miku stops in her spot and looks back at Kaito. Luka's awkwardly standing next to him, giving Miku a small smile. Immediately, Miku's mouth is stuck into a dull line.
"No. Why?"
Kaito ignores Luka's hold on his jacket. "Wanna come eat with us?"
"'Us'?"
"Me, Luka, Len, Rin, Gakupo-"
"Ah, yeah, no thanks."
With that, Miku gives Luka one more look then walks out of the classroom.
"I think she just needs a little more alone time," Luka says, but her words fall deaf to Kaito's ears. He saw it. That hand of Miku's, gently lingering on the spot on her cardigan where he tugged.
A harsh slap on Kaito's back.
"Hey, are we going to stand here forever or are we actually going to eat lunch?"
Rin glares at Len for being so rough with Kaito, but at least the slap breaks Kaito's focused face.
"Right, we need to get there before they run out of ice-cream!" He laughs and the four start walking out of the classroom.
"Geez, you're so careless."
"Look at yourself, blondie."
As Len and Kaito walk ahead of the two, Luka pulls Rin to the back with a whisper. "Hey, how far have you two gone?"
"That's a sudden question," Rin says, turning a bit pink.
"I'm just asking because..." Luka looks back at the guys and then faces Rin. "Well, when do you think a couple should take the next step?"
"Next step?"
"Like, we've been kissing and making out for a while, and, well, I can't help but wonder if Kaito wants to take it to groping already or something. And I wonder how far he's gotten with other girls. Am I going too slow for him? Am I boring him? Does he even want to feel me in that way?"
Luka sighs and looks back at the classroom. "You know how Miku and Kaito dated before, right?"
Rin frowns and nods. She has heard several things regarding the break-up of those two.
"Well, I just wonder," Luka begins and pauses as Len and Kaito turn around the corner.
"I wonder if I can amount to what she's done for him."
Anon waves away the fruit flies gathering around her face. The humidity was high, and being inside doesn't provide any relief. Just more people looking at her new face.
She looks over at the pillar beside her, where her sister seems to be getting along with the girl from before. More gossip, though.
As a blonde couple walks out of the cafeteria, Kanon comes over with her drink and nudges her side. "Hey, you see that cutie right there?"
Anon takes the straw out of her mouth and looks at the guy with blue eyes. "The guy with the green shirt?"
"Yeah, yeah, him."
"Isn't he hot?"
"Isn't he taken?"
Kanon rolls her eyes and calls out to Sonika. "That Len guy, is that his sister beside him?"
"That's Rin Kagamine, his girlfriend," Sonika replies, glaring at the back of Len's head.
"Well, is he the committed type?"
Anon inwardly groans. I know where this is headed...
"Psh, Len Kagamine is anything but committed. He had like, two girls every week. Maybe three every night. So no, not really. But he's been sticking around with this Rin chick for a while. They started off like friends or something and suddenly became a thing. It seems like he's sticking with this girl-"
"But habits are hard to break," Kanon finishes with a smirk, eyeing the boy from her pillar.
"Don't tell me you're going to steal him away from her," Anon says with disgust. She crunches up her juice box and throws it into the garbage bin.
Len looks back, sensing someone talking about him. Kanon meets his eyes and smiles, giving her reply to Anon.
"It's not stealing if he wants it too."
After School, Len's House
8:07 PM
"There!"
Rin moves away from the canvas to show the painting. A wild choice of colors, but a beautiful painting nonetheless.
"Why is it so bright?" Len kids, admiring the painting of scenery.
"I used those colors to show kind of a fun atmosphere. At first I wanted it kind of romantic, but then I changed my mind and went with all sorts of colors."
Len nods and steps back from the canvas to side with Rin. His arm slips onto her waist and he brings her close. "I like it. You've actually improved, Rinny."
"What do you mean, 'actually'"? Rin laughs and pulls him in even closer.
"Well, you did have a great teacher, after all."
"Eh, kind of. It was more me~"
"Hey!"
"My teacher kept trying to flirt with me while we worked, though."
Len shrugs as he shines his trademark smirk at Rin. "Who could blame him? He did have a rather.. interesting student..."
And as his lips move down her cheek, Rin feels that warm feeling climb back up to her face. But something else crawls in... that new feeling. It comes just as Len's hand moves closer to her back, where she feels his hands softly pulling at a hook...
Rin pulls away and gives an awkward smile. "M-Maybe you shouldn't try undoing, um..."
"Oh, yeah, my hand was just kinda..."
"Yeah."
"Sorry."
Rin bites down on her lip as she feels at the back of her bra. Well, it was just an accident. He isn't really trying to rush anything.
Clearing her throat and Len scratching the back of his head, Len examines the ceiling as if it could help him focus.
"This is kinda an odd question, but, um... when do you..."
"When do I..?"
"Your," he says, starting to get red. God, what is up with him? Why does he have to ask for it, when he could just so easily get a girl in bed? And now here he is, fumbling with his words and turning redder each second. "I mean, I don't know if you even want to talk about it, but what are your views on..."
His voice hangs on the air, hoping she will get a clue. She doesn't.
Maybe it's best if I don't ask now. We've only been together for a couple weeks, Len thinks and he hugs her again.
"I was wondering about your views on Valentine's Day, on what you wanted to do then."
Rin smiles into his chest and looks up at him. "Anything would be amazing as long as we spend the day together."
There it is again. That pure smile. That genuine smile. Every time she looks up at Len with that innocence, he can't help but feel dirty for thinking of all these perverted things of Rin. Of wanting to rush their relationship.
Rin's happy with how things are, so Len should be too.
"We need to talk."
After that brief phone call, now the two are heading towards the designated area. That dark park, where the light posts are still shining down on the wet grass and cold benches. Gumi, worrying about the feelings bunching up in her chest, and Aito, quickly walking to the area and still in surprise of the random phone call.
She makes it there before him. And when he arrives, although he smiles at her, she doesn't step forward to hug him. She just gives an empty smile back, her cheeks pink from waiting out in the cold.
"Let's walk for a bit," Gumi says, motioning to get out of the park.
I originally wanted to do all the talking here, but this dark park is giving me the creeps, like some bad deals were made here before.
"Into town?"
"Sure."
They walk in silence, which is different.
She normally holds my hand, has a smile on her face, and chatters about something we both like. Aito wonders what's on her mind. Although the air around them is cold, it feels even colder walking beside her like this. No hand in his hand, he shoves his own into his jacket pocket.
Finally, Gumi speaks.
"I don't think you know who I am."
That's odd.
He doesn't like the uncomfortable feeling crawling up his side, so Aito looks down at Gumi with a fake smile, hoping to get at least a smile. "You're Gumi, of course."
Gumi turns pink and looks down at the ground. "C-Cut it with that act already."
"Act?"
The two stay quiet as the cars beside them pass. The air has suddenly gotten quieter. The sky is dark and little light from above and around shines on the outline of their figures.
Gumi finally looks up from the ground and stares at the face of the boy she fell in love with. No, the boy she still loves. A soft blue light shines on the left half of his face.
"I know about Luka. I know that you love her. It was obvious what happened at that school trip. And I know, that possibly... that it may be the kind of love that sticks around forever."
It feels awkward, having this talk. Maybe it's just this way with every serious talk. Not cool and in control, but instead... choppy and in a sense, confusing. Gumi wets her lips with her tongue and speaks again. "Even at that moment when I kissed you, I knew that you would still love her. I kissed you with doubt."
A soft laugh follows her sigh. "You know, I grew up thinking that... love was this easy thing. That you just kinda... 'fell' in love. That it was something you didn't really have to work at. You'd meet the person you'd want to spend the rest of your life with, and you'd stay in that kind of easiness forever. No one told me about these hardships that come with love. My mom and dad seem to have an easy relationship. Sonika's always in those silly relationships that never last. I never saw the bad side. I never saw that it was... work.
And then I met you, and I fell for you immediately. S-See, that- that part was easy." A broken laugh again. "The hard part was, well, getting you to return the feelings. You were so focused on Luka. She was like, your entire world. Whenever I'd see you, she'd be right by your side. Every single time I heard your name, her name was nearby. Like... a part of you.
And I'm sure you always thought my love for you was just some silly thing. I'm really sure you already knew I liked you too, from how obvious I was. I was just that girl you had in class this year, that green-haired girl who follows Teto's antics and is friends with Miki, the more restrained sister of Sonika. The somewhat outgoing and nice girl that just kinda stuck in the back, no real quirks to make her stand out. And I get it, I'm pretty boring. I'm not super social like my sister, I'm not blunt like Miki, I'm not crazy like Teto, I'm not adorable like Rin... and I'm certainly nowhere near close to Luka. I'm like that tame background character, haha.
Kinda pathetic of me to be bashing on myself, huh?"
Gumi turns back to face Aito. She should feel relief to get this all out. But... it's not coming. His eyes widen at her tear-soaked face, fresh tears still brimming at her eyelashes. She keeps a steady stare, not wanting to cry more.
"But I'm not... I'm not... I-I-I'm not... I-I'm more than someone you can just push aside! No one can just define me like that a-and ignore me! I-I'm not that stupid! I'm special, a-and-and I can prove it!" Gumi raises her hands up to wipe away the tears, smudging her mascara around along the way. "My mom always told me, t-that I needed to believe that I was something special, b-b-because if I didn't believe in myself, then who would? And I may not be that noticeable, but, if you give me the time, if you give me some of your genuine attention, I will prove to you, Aito Kottoba, that I am worthy of your love!"
Screaming at him now, Gumi continues to cry. "I will help you forget about Luka Megurine! I will make you the happiest you've ever been! I-I-I can, I can and I will!"
Aito walks forward as Gumi starts shaking with each sob. His soft hands slide onto her back and pull her close, to where her voice softens. The relief should be coming any second now. Any second. Please, let it come.
"I love you, Aito. Just please give me a chance. A real one.
...Will you?"
This story is centered around all the different ideas of love. Sorry if these characters come off as unrealistic as they voice their different opinions. But what do you think?
Is Kanon right? If Len wants it too, is it not her fault? How about Gumi? Can you change someone's feelings if you try hard enough?
I'd like to know your opinions, so if you review, please include that in there. Anyways, thanks for reading, I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day/night, and bye bye~!
