A/N At the risk of ruining the joke, I have decided to put the extra's that weren't on the first list.There were originally going to be a list inside each of the four command rooms with Hints tailored for each house, but I never got around to it. Ah well. Hopefully including these won't drag the joke out to become boring, but don't hesitate to tell me if it does, please!.
Argus Filch became so frustrated at the ever expanding list that he eventually removed the door it was attached to. Within Days the original list reappeared along with a new list, and this time the lists glowed at night.
More Helpful Hints to make your stay at Hogwarts pleasant
1) If Professor Trelawney says something good is going to happen, be afraid.
2) If Professor Firenze answers a question directly, be very afraid.
3) If you play Quidditch, wear a cup. Brooms are not respectful of your capacity to continue your lineage.
4) Mars is not 'the angry, little red guy', and the moons of Jupiter are not named after the Seven Dwarves or their cousins.
5) Rubber chicken wands and transfiguration spells don't mix.
6) If you suddenly find yourself in a spooky graveyard and don't know why, run first, ask questions later.
7) The Room of Requirement will not provide you with a swimming pool filled with jelly (not even a small one!), a bathtub filled with beer, or even a Fountain of Firewhiskey.
8) The Astronomy Tower may be a romantic place at night, but it is often occupied by students with telescopes. The dungeons, while considered by most to be a bit on the dingy side, are almost always empty.
9) If somebody says they have seen a Horn-tail in your future, they may not be referring to a hormonally overloaded teenager, (but then again…)
10) The Room of Requirement will not provide you with a Harem.
11) Don't try and hide Moaning Myrtle's bathroom with a Fidelius Charm unless you want her to become a more permanent part of your life.
12) Rubber chicken wands and Charms don't mix.
13) The Goblin rebellions did not end when somebody 'offered them a cauldron load of cash to go home', so this is not a viable resolution for any future such problems, nor will this answer gain you extra credit in exams.
14) Don't bug the House Elves. They do your laundry and some of them like odd socks, so unless you never want to have a matching pair ever again, leave well enough alone.
15) Learn how to dance. It's like learning to swim; you may never have to do it, but best to know how to - 'just in case'.
16) Dementors do not 'just need a big hug'.
17) The Room of Requirement will not provide you with a brewery.
18) Broken wands make good umbrella stalks, but bad curses.
19) Invisible flying cars might sound cool, but they don't steer well, and brake even worse.
20) You are not paranoid. All the portraits report to the Headmaster (they really are out to get you).
21) Learn how to cast un-splinch spells BEFORE you start to learn how to apparate.
22) The Room of Requirement will not provide you with a tutor, someone to do your homework, completed assignments, or answers to the upcoming test.
23) Don't dare the Gryffindors, laugh at the Slytherins, tease the Ravenclaws, or bribe the Hufflepuffs. Any of these will likely end in tears.
24) Rubber chicken wands and Defence Against the Dark Arts don't mix, unless you can give one to your opponent.
25) There is a way to get a boy into the girl's dormitory, but it's much easier to get a girl into the guy's one. Neither action is recommended while there are still unmanned broom closets, class rooms, and Astronomy Towers around.
26) Even if thinking is not considered the 'primary attribute' of your house, doing so often results in fewer injuries, less pain, and no detentions. House points however are much more random.
27) Speaking of house points, the aim is end up with as many as possible. You have not 'earned the right to spend the points you gained in a manner of your choosing' despite what the seventh years from other houses tell you.
28) The Room of Requirement will not provide you with a waterslide or fun-park.
29) You may be considered a magical creature in some circles, but Professor Hagrid will never be teaching somebody how to care for you, no matter how much logic you try to use to convert him to this point of view.
30) There is no secret password that will make the stairs move like a Muggle rollercoaster. If you do stand at the top of one and shout 'those' words, the only ride you will be getting will be provided by the boot ejecting you from the grounds.
31) It is not possible to steal the cutlery from the main hall. House elves can be tenacious little buggers.
32) The Room of Requirement will not provide you with a secret tunnel out of the school grounds.
33) Nobody is ever really 'sacrificed to the Giant Squid'; especially not head first via the toilet.
34) Rubber chicken wands and History of Magic almost go hand in hand.
35) Don't prank the ghosts. There is nowhere you go that they can't follow.
36) Stunning yourself to skip a class rarely works out well.
37) The Room of Requirement will not provide you with a harem, really.
Finite Incantatem
