Disclaimer: I own nothing. The Buffy stuff is still Joss Whedon's, the Harry Potter stuff is still JK Rowling's, and With Or Without You (more pointless personal trivia here) is the only song my U2 that I can stand.

A.N:I am SO, SO sorry this has taken so long. I've just gone back to uni & I've got this whole idea this year where I'm actually planning on turning up, so it's taking a lot more of my time than it did last year. I honestly never meant to leave this so long- I was planning to have only a week between posting 'Estranged' and 'With Or Without You'.

Also, an enormous thanks to all who reviewed the last chapter. It was by far the most reviews I've ever had for a single chapter, and if I replied to all personally as I usually do, it would take another three days for me to post! But I read & keep every single review I receive, and I truly appreciate and value all your comments.


CHAPTER THIRTY

With Or Without You

The Marauders were all moping aimlessly about their dorm in the morning when a knock sounded against the door. None of them could be bothered responding, but Frank Longbottom opened the door and poked his head in anyway.

"Hey, guys," he said. "Um, Professor McGonagall wants to see you all in her office right away."

They all exchanged uneasy glances, knowing the summons could only be related to one thing.

"Did she say why?" James tossed out, in the vain hope of sounding out exactly what McGonagall might know already.

Frank just shook his head. "She's already rounding the girls up, she just said to send you on," he said, then disappeared before they could ask any more questions.

With trepidation stirring in all their stomachs, the four boys wandered down to the Deputy Headmistress' office. McGonagall was waiting with the girls, and it wasn't until they were all seated that they noticed someone was missing.

"Where's-?" James began to ask Lily, but McGonagall shushed him with a wave of her hand.

When they looked closely at the Professor, they could see she'd been crying. None of them would ever have believed her capable. Even as they watched, one more tear seemed to spy its opportunity to escape down her cheek. She sniffed furiously and pulled herself together.

"I'm sorry to have to gather you all here in this manner," she said, her chin wobbling despite her obvious effort to restrain herself. "You notice that one is missing from among you, and it grieves me to be the bearer of such sorrowful news…"

Nobody in the room was moving.

McGonagall steeled herself to continue. "This morning, Hagrid came across the body of Isabel Whitman at the base of the high turret. It would appear that she jumped. I'm very sorry, she's dead."

She's dead, she's dead, she's dead, she's dead…

The words seemed to echo into eternity, crumpling all the fifth years one by one.

"No!" Lily shrieked, then dissolved into hysterical tears. Although they were crying themselves, Candice and Michelle immediately wrapped their arms around her.

Peter's teeth were chattering, he'd retreated into a corner to let a few confused tears fall down his pink, pudgy cheeks. Sirius was still staring at McGonagall, waiting for her to dry her eyes, crack a rare smile, and announce that she was just practicing for April Fools' Day.

The whole thing was just too sickening for Dawn. She completely rejected every word McGonagall just said. Isabel wasn't dead; she was in the Hospital Wing. Sure, she was a little withdrawn now, but once she got used to being a werewolf, she'd be fine. It was just going to take some time. That's all she needed, a little time. This wasn't Sunnydale, bad things like this weren't supposed to happen here.

It was then that Dawn decided she hated McGonagall for the lies she was telling.

"Stop it!" she screeched. "You're lying- she's alive!"

She burst out of her seat, diving forwards as if she'd launch herself over the desk of attack McGonagall. James jumped up and grabbed her, just in case. Dawn struggled against him.

"She's alive! She's not dead! You're wrong, she's alive. She can't be dead!"

"Come on, honey," James muttered, pulling her away. "Let's settle down now… Breathe…"

Dawn continued to scream, fighting with James through ever step like a wildcat. Even when they both crashed to the hard floor, it was a few more minutes before she would stop struggling, and even longer still before she would quieten down. James pulled her into his lap and began to stroke her hair while the others looked on as disinterested observers.

All except for Remus. He hadn't moved a muscle or uttered a sound since he'd learned of Isabel's suicide. Each passing second took him deeper and deeper into his own private nightmare. He knew suicide was the wrong word for what had happened to Isabel. It was murder, and he'd never be able to wash the blood off his hands. His girlfriend had been killed by what he was.

"I'm sorry," Professor McGonagall said again, when it appeared they'd all adjusted to the initial shock. "We've sent owls to all your parents, naturally we expect they'll be very concerned, and Professor Dumbledore will certainly arrange for a psychological healer to be brought in from St Mungo's, should anyone feel the need to talk to a professional."

She paused and glanced around to be sure they were all taking it in. But to anyone paying close enough attention, it seemed as if she'd carefully planned her words beforehand. Perhaps she needed to, to be sure she would get it all out.

"Her parents will be arriving to collect her things this afternoon, and you will all be kept informed about the funeral service. As her closest friends, we do hope you'll be attending along with Professor Dumbledore and myself."

They'd all taken on faraway looks, as if funerals were something far too complicated for them to understand. At the thought of seeing her best friend buried, Lily began to cry harder again. McGonagall paused to give them all a moment to catch up with what was happening. Dawn had turned and buried her head into James' chest, as if she could shut it all out. She was still getting over her mother's funeral deep down (and a part of her knew she never really would), she didn't know if she'd survive another so soon.

"You should all know that my door is always open if you ever want to talk about this. Miss Whitman was a wonderful, vibrant girl whom we shall all dearly miss. Professor Dumbledore will be breaking the news of her passing to the student body at breakfast, so if you do not wish to hear this again, there will be breakfast trays in both fifth year dorms. Of course you are all welcome in class, in fact I encourage you to keep yourselves occupied, but for today we shall excuse you if you choose not to attend. Your homework will be delivered to Gryffindor tower this evening."

Sirius lowered his eyes at last, accepting that this really was happening. His head was pounding and he didn't dare look at Dawn. He'd said so many hurtful, horrible things to her last night, but he didn't mean them. He didn't want her thinking this was in any way her fault. If it was anyone's fault, it was his. Dawn had been outright opposed to it, and Remus had voiced his reservations, but Sirius and James had been the foolhardy adventurers, arrogant enough to believe they could play with fire without anyone getting burnt. He bit his lip to stifle the shout that was bubbling up in his throat.

"Do… do any of you have any questions?" McGonagall asked gingerly.

The students just stared at her. Of course they had questions, they had a million questions. But how was she ever going to answer any of them?

"Very well," the Professor sighed, admitting defeat. "You- you're all dismissed. You may go."

Candice and Michelle helped Lily out of the office. Remus followed them in a daze. James glanced at Peter, who was pushing himself out of the corner, and inclined his head towards the doorway to indicate that he should keep an eye on Remus. That taken care of, he looked down at the quivering mess cuddled into him. He reached his hand around to pat her shoulder.

"Come on, Kitten, it's time to move," he said, his voice taking on a heavier, huskier tone. "Can you get up for me?"

Sirius watched her floundering for a couple of seconds before taking pity. He looped his arms around her waist and pulled her up. She wavered, so he held onto her until James could get to his feet and take her back. Dawn was so wrapped up in her own pain she didn't even notice she was being passed about like a helpless child.

James glanced gratefully at Sirius and they started to walk Dawn out. At the door, she suddenly stopped and turned back to McGonagall.

"Her parents are coming today?" she asked, as if that was the only information to have filtered through.

"This afternoon, yes," McGonagall said.

Dawn bit her lip and looked down, uncertain. "Should- should I pack her things? They'll want her things, won't they?"

The Deputy Headmistress looked taken aback by the offer, but forced a nod anyway. "If you want to do that, I'm sure the Whitmans would be grateful."

Dawn nodded and finally let James lead her away. The walk up to Gryffindor tower had never seemed so long, or been so silent as it was that morning. By the time they'd reached the Common Room, the rest of the students who were going to breakfast had already gone.

"I wonder what he'll say," Dawn murmured.

Sirius and James blinked, clearly not expecting to hear her voice for some time. "What's that, Dawnie?"

"Dumbledore. I wonder what he's going to tell everyone about… Isabel," she said, hesitating as if she thought something bad would happen when she said the name.

They stopped in between the two opposite sets of stairs. James looked reluctant to leave Dawn. If he was throwing himself into the role of big brother for her, then he didn't have to stop and look at his own insides. In truth, the prospect was terrifying to him.

"If you want, you can stay in the boys' dorm with me," he offered, hoping for his own sake she would accept.

Dawn hesitated. She glanced from James, to the boys' stairs and finally to Sirius. She bit her lip.

"I don't mind," Sirius said quietly. Fighting just seemed like such a pointless waste of energy now. He didn't want to make anyone hurt anymore, he just wanted the pain to go away.

But Dawn shook her head. "Thanks, but I think I should be up there… Lily… Look after Remus, ok?"

She shot them a final teary look and trotted upstairs to her dorm. She paused in the doorway to look around. Just as McGonagall said, the House-Elves had left four overflowing breakfast trays for them. Candice and Michelle were huddled in two of the cosy chairs in the corner with one of the trays uncovered between them.

But the food on it was barely touched. One piece of toast had a bite taken out of it and there were a couple of spoonfuls gone from the cereal bowl, but for the most part it was all going to waste. Dawn looked for Lily next, but the redhead had locked herself in the bathroom. She went over to knock softly.

"Go away," Lily sobbed.

"Do you need anything, Lily?" Dawn called through the door in response.

"No!" came the blubbered reply, and Dawn decided to leave her be for a while.

She intended not to let herself think too much about it, but to just get on with organising Isabel's things before she lost her nerve. But when she set eyes on Isabel's bed, her resolve crumbled and her legs folded, leaving her piled on the ground and staring up at the suddenly too-daunting task ahead of her.

Over in the boys' dorm, the tension was thickened by guilt. When James and Sirius had stepped in, they'd found only Peter in there, staring at the trays of food as if he wasn't sure he was really allowed to touch them. The other two boys shared a look.

"Wormtail, where's Remus?" Sirius ventured.

"He went straight into the shower when he got back up here," Peter said. "He didn't even say anything."

A few minutes later, Remus stepped out of the bathroom. He was fully dressed in his uniform and robes. Without even glancing at his dumbstruck friends, he pulled a tray of food to the side of his bed and dug in. The others stared as he ate heartily.

Finally, he looked up and noticed his friends all looking at him, but all he said was, "You should try some of this, Peter. You'll like it."

Peter looked to James and Sirius, not sure what would be the best thing to do. In the end, he slowly reached for a tray and silently joined Remus. Sirius was screwing up his face in a worried frown and James' eyebrows had knitted together in confusion. They shared another look.

"Yeah," James said at last. "Yeah. Good idea, Moony. We should all have something to eat."

He sat next to Peter, while Sirius took a seat next to Remus and tried to make it seem like as normal a meal as possible. Remus didn't seem to notice or care about their efforts. For the first time in all their days at Hogwarts, he was the first to finish. He shoved his tray away, stood, and scooped up his bag.

"Remus, where are you going?" Sirius asked.

"Er, to class. Where else would I be going?"

"Mate… You heard what McGonagall said. you don't have to go to class. You'll only make yourself crazy, maybe you'd be better off staying up here with us."

"I'm going to class," Remus repeated. Then he was gone.

The Professors all looked at him sympathetically, and the other Houses wondered what in the name of Merlin he was doing there, but Remus sat stoically through every class that day. Frank and his Hufflepuff girlfriend Alice (girlfriend thanks largely to Dawn and the boys inviting her to Sirius' birthday party on Frank's behalf) took him under wing during lunch in the Great Hall, but Remus barely seemed to notice. It was his punishment, his penance not to accept any comfort.

Nothing much had changed in the girls' dorm throughout the entire morning. Suffocating in the grief that seemed to cling to the room and unable to find solace in anything the dorm had to offer, Michelle and Candice had fled outside, hoping to find some warmth in the sunshine. But Lily had not left the bathroom and Dawn had not moved from her spot on the floor.

At lunch time, a House-Elf popped into the dorm and vanished the breakfast trays, replacing them with piles and piles of sandwiches. Dawn stared at them for a long time before it occurred to her that Lily might need something to eat.

She got up and took a plate over to the bathroom. When she knocked on the door, she wasn't sure of she should expect a reply or not.

"What?" Lily called in a flat voice, effectively answering Dawn's question.

"Are you hungry in there? I've got sandwiches…" Dawn said, realising how pathetic she must sound. 'Hey, your best friend just died. Here- have a sandwich.'

"I'm not hungry."

Dawn sighed. "I know. But can you please just take a plate? Just in case," she pleaded.

Nothing happened for what felt like a long time. Then Dawn heard the click of the door being unlocked. She pushed it open and went in. Lily was sitting on the edge of the bathtub, staring at the wall. Dawn gingerly took a couple of steps in and put the plate on the vanity unit.

"I'm just going to leave these here, ok honey?"

Lily nodded without turning around and Dawn left her in peace. She went back into the main dorm, picked a sandwich up, put it back down, and walked over to Isabel's bed.

With tears dripping off her chin, she pulled the trunk out and put it on the bed Isabel would never sleep in again. Her fingers trembled as she opened everything up and started pulling clothes from the cupboard. She paused when she reached a familiar pale green tank top and smiled through her tears. It was the one Isabel had loaned her on the Hogsmeade night. The night Dawn had spent dancing in Sirius' arms. The night Remus had finally asked Isabel to go out with him.

After a few minutes, Dawn got a hold of herself well enough to put the top away and finish packing Isabel's clothes. She hesitated a bit when it came to going through the personal mementos in the bedside table. Was it really right to be touching her private things?

Her fingers trembled so much she had trouble pulling the drawer open. Careful not to touch anything for too long, Dawn pulled all the trinkets out and packed them in the trunk. After a while, she heard Lily open the bathroom door and come out to watch her work. The sensation of the redhead's eyes on her back was so intense that Dawn had to turn and look at her.

Lily's eyes were so cold and empty that Dawn felt a shudder ripple through her. Her pink lips were pursed together and for a moment it seemed that she was pressing back all the accusations Dawn feared would be flung at her. She lowered her head subserviently. Whatever Lily wanted to throw at her, she deserved it.

She kept working and was surprised when Lily let her be. She drifted a couple of steps closer, but stopped at some invisible line she dared not cross.

"I couldn't do that," she finally admitted.

Dawn tucked the final couple of things away. "I felt like I had to."

Lily's voice was as cold and empty as her eyes. "Does it hurt?"

The lid of Isabel's trunk closed like a coffin being sealed.

"Yes."

"Good. It should hurt."

"It'll never really go away," Dawn promised.

Strangely, Lily's mood seemed abated by the assurance of Dawn's never-ending pain. As if Dawn's feelings of guilt justified something, somehow. They were staring at each other, volumes of thoughts and feelings that would bind then together all their lives passing between them.

It ended with a knock on the door. Professor McGonagall stepped in, leading the distraught forms of Eric and Felicity Whitman. McGonagall had charmed the stairs to allow Mr Whitman to climb them. Felicity let out an enormous sob and she and Lily threw themselves at each other, both embracing someone who wasn't really there anymore.

Feeling like an intruder, Dawn retreated into the bathroom to pack all of Isabel's cosmetics into her toiletries case. When she returned, Lily had pulled back and everyone in the dorm was wiping their eyes. She stood near Isabel's bed with the toiletries case, looking like a lost little girl.

"Have you finished, Miss Summers?" McGonagall asked.

"This is the last of it," Dawn murmured timidly, placing the case on top of the trunk.

She stepped back quickly as Mr and Mrs Whitman approached. They looked at the trunk for a long time and then looked at Dawn.

"Thank you," Mr Whitman said.

Dawn, too guilty to respond, just shook her head. Mrs Whitman grasped the toiletries case while her husband seized the trunk. With a last look at the girls, and a melancholy glance around the room their daughter had called home for the majority of the last five years, they headed dejectedly out the door. McGonagall flashed a look of approval at the girls for their efforts and left after the Whitmans.

Lily went to lay on her bed and cry. Dawn watched her for a moment, then fled the room. She crossed the Common Room at a run, not slowing down until she'd reached her destination and knocked.

She was still out of breath when the door swung open. Sirius stared at her, chest heaving, hair wild, eyes swirling with pain.

"Is… Is James here?" she managed after a moment.

Sirius swung to door wider, revealing an empty dorm. "Gone to the Owlery with Wormtail. Peter wanted to send a letter to his folks."

Dawn looked down. "Ok. Could you tell him I stopped by, then?"

She turned away, but Sirius grabbed her arm and turned her back.

"You can come in and wait for him. He'll want to see you." What he was really trying to say was, 'I'm sorry I blamed you. I'm a stupid git and you need to know that this isn't your fault.' But he was only human, and an emotionally distressed teenage boy at that. He didn't know how to say those words.

Dawn awkwardly slipped by to let him close the door. Out of habit, she went straight to Sirius' bed, only realising what she'd done when she sat down. She got up and went to James' bed. Sirius sat back down. Several minutes ticked by with the pair of them avoiding each other's gazes and trying to think of something to say.

"So, is Remus around? How's he doing?" Dawn finally asked.

Sirius shrugged and let out a gruff sigh. "I honestly don't know how he's doing. He's been in class all day."

"In class?"

"Yeah."

"Oh."

Neither spoke again. James and Peter came back a little while later, James clutching a couple of envelopes in his hand.

"From Mum and Dad," he explained, handing one to Dawn.

He piled onto the bed next to her so they could read them together. By the time she'd finished reading, Dawn was surprised to find tears running down her face again. She hadn't noticed them while reading. Her foster parents had written hat they were sorry, they knew how much they were all hurting and they hated that the couldn't protect her from that. They confessed Dumbledore had told them of her feelings of guilt and they stressed that none of this was her fault and help was only ever an owl away if she needed anything, including someone to talk to. Then they concluded by promising to be there for the funeral, for as long as she and James would need them.

From the dampness in James' eyes as he put his letter aside, Dawn guessed his letter had said much the same thing. He opened his arms, and she crawled into them at once.

"I don't know if Lily will ever really forgive me," Dawn murmured a while later.

"What for, Kitten? You didn't do anything wrong," James said, wishing he could just take all their guilt and bury it.

"I made her lie about what really happened. I made her take a Wizard's Oath and she had to lie to Dumbledore," she choked.

All three boys in the dorm stiffened. Seeing their reactions, Dawn sat up, pulled herself together, and explained in detail everything that had happened on the night Isabel was bitten. The boys looked petrified.

"Evans knows?" James whispered. "Everything?"

"Everything," Dawn confirmed heavily. "I still think she won't tell, but she'll resent us for it forever. She already said she's glad I'm hurting. I guess she has a right…"

"No, she doesn't."

To everybody's surprise, it was Sirius who had spoken. "How were you to know what would happen when you swore her to secrecy? None of this is your fault, don't let her bully you into thinking it is."

Slowly, Dawn nodded, though it was clear she was still undecided as to who she should believe. She decided to go back and see how Lily was, after promising James she would come back to see him before the night was through.

Remus came in after the day's classes were finished. He muttered a 'hello' and a distracted 'fine' when the boys asked how he was, then tore right into a pile of homework. He paused only for a short dinner break, and only because Sirius was threatening to force-feed him.

Later that night, McGonagall called a House meeting with the older years in the Common Room. When Lily came downstairs, Dawn was already situated with the Marauders. She looked at them through shuttered eyes for a few long seconds, then went to sit away from them with Candice and Michelle. Frank hurried a few straggling first year students up to their dorms and nodded to the professor.

"By now you all know of the tragic passing of Isabel Whitman," she began, and a few sympathetic gazes automatically flicked towards the fifth years. "And I need to discuss the funeral arrangements with you."

"So soon?" one of the seventh year boys muttered, his voice just deep enough to carry across the room.

"Yes, the Whitmans chose not to delay. When someone so young is taken, it is not so uncommon for the parents to wish to lay them to rest as quickly as possible. The service will indeed be tomorrow, held in a West London Church and commencing at midday. All those wishing to attend should inform me before breakfast is over in the morning."

There were a few minutes of digesting the news, and then McGonagall dismissed all but the fifth years. They remained in their seats and when the Common Room cleared, the Professor came to sit with them. Silently, she handed all but Remus their missed homework and took a deep breath.

"Are you all going to attend the funeral tomorrow?"

She looked around to see eight heads nodding.

"I'd like to discuss it quietly with you now, so you all know what to expect," she explained.

Dawn closed her eyes. The memory of her mother's coffin being lowered was burned into her heart forever. She knew what to expect. From the gleam in his eye, Sirius was remembering his father's funeral and thinking exactly the same thing.

"As her year-mates and closest friends, the Whitmans have requested you all join them after the Church service, for the burial and then the wake," McGonagall intoned. "You will be Port-Keying to the Leaky Cauldron at 10.30, where some of your parents will be waiting to drive you to the Church. They'll bring you back to the Leaky Cauldron after the wake, and you will return to the school via the floo network. Any questions, thus far?" she asked, to give them a break.

Peter raised his hand. "Whose parents are coming?" he asked timidly.

The Professor consulted a small list in her hand. "The Evans' have offered to bring the two girls along with Lily," she said, glancing in the direction of Candice and Michelle. "Mr Pettigrew, you will go with the Lupins, and your mother has sent word that she will be at the Whitmans' when you arrive for the wake. I believe she's offered to take care of the catering. And of course the Potters will be taking care of their two charges and Mr Black."

They all nodded. That made sense. Dawn and James shared a glance, comforted by the confirmation that their parents really would be there throughout the whole thing.

"You should all wear your uniforms, but as we will be mingling with the Muggle world you will not require your robes. Be sure to bring your sweaters as it may get cold towards the evening. Try to eat some breakfast, you'll need your strength," McGonagall said with a burdened sigh. As a professor, this very situation was her greatest fear. "Miss Evans, do you require any assistance preparing your remarks?"

Lily, who had been asked by Felicity Whitman to say a few words at the funeral, gave a mute shake of her head. McGonagall studied her for a long moment, then turned the same penetrating look towards Remus.

"And you, Mr Lupin? The offer still stands, if you would like the opportunity to say a few words."

"I'd rather not," Remus returned mildly, ignoring the way everyone was suddenly looking at him.

"Very well. I shall leave you to it now. Do try to get some rest," McGonagall advised as her parting remarks.

They all looked at each other in her wake. Remus brought his hands together and stood. "Right. Well, you heard the woman- let's all get to bed."

Remus, who by now the others had all figured out was in some form of denial, was the only one who got any sleep that night. When the rest convened in the morning, they were all looking tired and drawn. Lily was the worst, she looked completely ill, but had a quiet determination cloaked about her that would not let anybody coddle her.

They'd dressed as McGonagall directed and all went to the Great Hall to try and eat some breakfast. None of them managed to eat much at all, not even Remus. It was Peter, with a record seven mouthfuls, who ate the most. Dawn looked on quietly. She hadn't even made it though half a slice of toast. They decided not to go back to the Common Room, but to wait in the Entrance Hall when the other students filed off to class.

"James…" Dawn whispered as the clock struck 10:20. "I don't know if I can do this."

"Me either," he confided. "Let's just keep breathing for a start and see how we go, ok Kitten?"

McGonagall arrived and fitted them all with black armbands, which were also to serve as their Port-Keys to the Leaky Cauldron.

"Professor Dumbledore and myself will be accompanying the other students to the Service on the Knight Bus. The moment those Port-Keys activate you're under the care of your parents for the day. I'm happy to say I have enough faith in my students to think I do not need to discuss maturity and behaviour with you today of all days," she said, then glanced at her watch. "One minute."

As the countdown began, Dawn's hand automatically found James', and after a moment James was squeezing back just as tight. There was a jerk behind all their navels, as if they were nothing more than fish being reeled in whether they were ready or not, and a moment later they were standing (or stumbling) in the Leaky Cauldron.

Harold and Cecilia pulled Dawn and James close, and then Cecilia reached out to pull Sirius into the mix with them. Dawn, her face buried in Harold's chest and her hand still clasped in James', pain attention to nothing around her until she absolutely had to. All her year-mates were being fussed over by the parents, one by one being pulled together just enough to head out to the Church. Remus was still behaving frighteningly all right, so the Lupins and Peter left first. Lily was bawling in her mother's arms when Dawn pulled up and stood on her own again.

Cecilia kissed them all. "Are you ready to go? It's just over an hours' drive to the Church."

"No," James mumbled, answering for all of them. "But let's go anyway."

Harold stopped for a brief moment to confer with Mr Evans, who said he knew the way and promised to be along shortly, and then they were all piling into a dark blue car, the Potters' classic Mercedes. Being the slimmest, Dawn was in the middle. Her curiosity of London was still as bright as a tourist's, and if she had the energy, she would've been crawling all over James and Sirius to see out the windows. But today she just stared straight ahead, her eyes watching the little green numbers of the dashboard clock tick over. She didn't even feel the car come to a stop.

"We're here," Harold murmured, pulling the handbrake up and turning the ignition off.

Nobody moved for a few minutes. Around them, more cars were pulling into the car park. Relatives and old friends of Isabel's were slowly gravitating towards the cavernous sandstone Church.

"There's Moony and Wormtail," Sirius murmured, nodding at a patch of grass of to the side. "I wonder if he's starting to feel it yet."

"We should go see him" Dawn said, finally showing some signs of initiative on her own again.

They all got out and went over to where Remus and Peter were waiting with Remus' parents. But when they got there, nobody could find anything to say.

The Evans' arrived ten minutes later with Michelle and Candice, but Lily refused to go anywhere near Dawn and the boys so they stood off to the side, alone. As if following some unspoken command, everyone began to forward into the Church. Dawn signed the attendance book, then kept her eyes lowered as they were ushered into a pew. No matter where she directed her gaze, it seemed that every time she looked up her eyes fell on the glistening coffin already set before the altar.

It seemed like forever, but in reality only minutes passed before the Church was packed with mourners. There was a pew behind Dawn and the Marauders set aside for Hogwarts. Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall, both dressed in muggle clothing and looking grey with grief, waited until last to lead in the students from other years and Houses who had been friends with Isabel.

Dawn felt Professor Dumbledore touch her shoulder lightly as he passed and felt a little comforted by the gesture. She and James were seated in between Harold and Cecilia, with Sirius on Cecilia's other side. It wasn't long before a grey-headed Minister was stepping up to the altar to begin the Service.

A pained hush fell over the assembly as the opening prayers were recited, most of the people following along in their hymn books and muttering the words under their breath or not saying anything at all.

Remus felt confused, wondering why all this was even happening. He still clung to the hope that this was just an elaborate hoax designed to punish him for being foolhardy and dishonest. Surely, any moment now Dumbledore would stand up and wave his arm to silence the preacher and declare Remus had suffered enough. And then Isabel would push that lid up and bounce out of that coffin with that wonderful energy of hers, smiling and declaring she'd forgiven him. She still loved him.

But the coffin was shut tight, and the large muggle photograph of Isabel's face above it was as still as death. And that was no hoax.

With trembling fingers, Remus looked down and opened his hymn book. His mother silently pointed out where to follow on from and grasped his hand briefly. The Minister began to talk about Isabel's childhood. The Marauders all put their heads down, hating themselves for the parts they'd played in taking away from the world the bright, loving and sensitive person being described to them. Dawn now couldn't tear her eyes away from the coffin, every moment fantasizing about walking up to it and apologising, as if that would make anything better. She must've been fidgeting nervously, because Harold soon had to take her hand in his to help settle her down.

By then the Minister had begun to discuss how proud her parents were when Isabel was accepted to an exclusive boarding school, one of Britain's finest, and invited Professor Dumbledore up to the altar. The Headmaster approached, looking tired and heavy, and nodded his thanks to the Minster.

He took a deep breath and spent a moment gazing out at the congregation before letting his raspy, troubled voice be heard. "I still remember the first time Isabel Whitman set foot in the halls of my school. I remember it well, because a young boy who would become one of her classmates tripped and fell, and Isabel was the first to help him up," he recalled fondly.

Peter went pink at the long-forgotten memory and closed his eyes.

"From that day on, I watched her grow and mature into a delightful young lady, a source of comfort and joy to all those around her. So often it was Isabel who played the peacemaker between friends," Dumbledore said, and Dawn's eyes automatically flicked to Lily. "Isabel was the one always counted on to be there, and she loved to do so. There are few things in the world warmer than the look in her eyes when she was doing something to help one of her friends. I know many of us here today will always wonder what more we could've done to bring the hope to Isabel that she so often brought to us."

Remus cringed. Yes, Isabel had brought him hope and so much more. But she's paid the ultimate price because he'd torn every last shred of her own hope away with the jagged edges of his teeth.

"It is something that will not be forgotten," the Headmaster continued, and his blue eyes, shining with unshed tears rested on Isabel's coffin. "Today we say goodbye to the mind and body of Isabel Whitman, and we set her spirit free. But we carry her memory with us as a dear friend, and she will always walk through our days within us. I wish you peace, Isabel."

Slowly, Dumbledore made his way back to his pew. There were many, many people crying now, and Dawn didn't care that she was one of them. Beside her, James was still fighting it off, but she could see he was losing the battle.

The Minister was encouraging Lily to step up to the altar. He took her hand and led her up the two carpeted steps, and when she turned to face them, everyone could see how frightfully ashen her face had gone. Her lips trembled and she looked for a moment like she would break down before she even began, but the Minister hovered close to whisper in her ear and she regained a little of her courage.

"I don't really know what to say," she offered meekly, and the sea of faces before her offered sympathy in return as they stared back. "I mean, I'm fifteen and I'll never see my best friend again, I can't even begin to think of how to say goodbye."

She stopped and turned towards to coffin, directing her teary words straight to Isabel now. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do without you, Is. For five years you were my best, and for a lot of that time, my only true friend. When we met in first year, I was just a scared little girl in a whole new world, determined to show I was just as smart as anyone else. And everyone either laughed at me for being a know-it-all or tried to change me. Except for you," she said, choking on a sob.

"You were the only person who let me be who I was, and then you made me a better version of that person. You were always there until I understood that I could have my books and brains, and have friends too. I never would've learned to trust anybody if you hadn't taught me that I could trust you. And now you won't be there anymore…" Lily began to cry in earnest at the thought, but managed to quieten herself down enough to wipe her face and carry on.

"All I can say now is that I'm sorry. I don't know if you can hear me somehow, but I'm so sorry. Sorry I let this happen to you, sorry I wasn't there to make you see. There was nothing that could ever make me- make any of us- stop loving you. We should've told you that. I should've told you that a million times. Nobody could ever be the friend you were, Isabel Whitman. Never."

By the time Lily had been helped back to sit down, James had lost his battle. His hand had come up to cover his eyes, pushing his glasses up his forehead as his shoulders jerked with silent sobs. Cecilia's arm went around him, her forehead pressed to his temple and Dawn laid her cheek against his shoulder, offering what comfort she could. Within a few minutes he was clam again, though tears were still falling down his face every now and then.

The Minister returned to his place to conduct the final prayers. He had the congregation rise, and then gave a little nod. As per the Whitmans' request, the four Marauders and two of Isabel's cousins stepped up and around the coffin. Dawn watched the faces of her friends as they each took the dead weight on their shoulders. Peter looked terrified, as if he thought he would trip, or drop it, or make some other blunder. Remus' face was a mask, his dry eyes giving away nothing of what he felt. Sirius and James had both fixed their gazes straight ahead, their eyes burning with rage and anguish, and Dawn was certain she could see guilt churning in there, too.

She started breathing in a more laboured way when the procession began to move. Harold put his hand on her shoulder, and by the time they had passed her pew, she was leaning into him for support. Once the coffin had passed through the thick wooden doors of the Church, people began to file out. The people from magical backgrounds automatically sought each other out, and Dawn overhead McGonagall telling Harold and Mr Lupin that she and Dumbledore would Apparate to the cemetery once they'd seen the other students back onto the Knight Bus.

Slowly, everyone began to head to their cars for the procession to follow the hearse to the burial. Although she was morbidly curious, Dawn decided never to ask any of the boys what it was like to carry a coffin. However, after a few minutes of driving in silence, Sirius decided he wanted to say something about it all on his own.

"I thought it would be heavier," was all he would say, his voice hollow.

The cemetery wasn't far, and soon there was a small gathering about the fresh grave site as Isabel's body was finally laid to rest. They were all given a flower to toss over the coffin, Remus stared at his for a very long moment before dropping it in.

Dawn felt very weak, shaking like a leaf next to Harold, who stood straight-backed and proud. But she didn't care about weakness now. She was overwhelmed by the sight of the coffin being lowered, and turned to hide her face in Harold's broad chest with a sob. Lily was no longer capable of standing on her own. Her legs had given way beneath her, and only her father's hands under her arms kept her from folding up right there on the ground.

As the coffin was lowered out of his sight, Remus reached out as if to snatch it back. He had to stop himself from moving forwards. It was getting too hard to convince himself that Isabel wasn't really in there.

Two chairs had been set for Eric and Felicity Whitman. They looked as if they would sit there until they wasted away to join their only child. Dumbledore stepped away from a now-openly-sobbing McGonagall and went to speak to them. After a few minutes of him quietly murmuring to them, Eric and Felicity were able to stand once more and face the prospect of their daughter's wake.

Several people were already at the Whitman residence when Harold finally parked the car and led them all in. Peter was talking quietly with his mother as he helped her lay the last of the platters of food on the table. She'd been babysitting Romulus, who was too young to attend a funeral, and who was now back in his own mother's care. Dawn could see from the serious, sad look on his sweet little face that he was listening carefully to every word of Mrs Lupin's little talk about how upset people were about Isabel going up to Heaven, and how important it was for him to keep being a good boy.

She forced a smile as she waved at him and then went over to Candice and Michelle, standing quietly in one corner. Michelle touched Dawn's arm as she approached.

"How are you holding up?"

Dawn shrugged. "You?"

"Same."

She nodded and looked around. There was no sign of Lily anywhere, although her parents were on the couch with some of Isabel's relatives. "Do either of you know where Lily is?"

Candice inclined her head towards the stairs. "She went up to Isa - to her room," she mumbled.

"Thanks."

She went upstairs, and it didn't take her long to figure out that the cheery room with the soothing mint green décor was Isabel's. Lily looked tiny, but harsh and blazing with her red hair standing out, perched on the side of the Queen-sized bed and limply holding a plush toy tiger. Dawn took a couple of steps forward.

"Lily?"

"What do you want?" came the dull reply.

Dawn bit her lip, trying not to look at the framed Wizard's photograph of the two best friends set on the dresser. "Well, I just thought maybe we should talk about this. Isn't there anything you want to say?"

"Yeah," Lily said, looking Dawn square in the eye. "You… Remus… The boys… I know you never meant for this to happen. I guess I even know it's not really your fault. It's just a mistake. But my best friend is dead, and right now I hate you for that."

Dawn looked down and nodded. "I understand."

"Get out," Lily responded. She wanted to be alone, and having just told Dawn she hated her for the time being, didn't really care to waste the energy to be polite.

"Ok, I'll go," Dawn said. She went to the doorway, then paused to look back. "But you know I'm not going to leave you alone," she vowed. She didn't want to feel as if she'd made a mess and walked away without helping to pick up the pieces.

She went back downstairs in a daze and barely registered the rest of the afternoon and evening passing by. She did remember Romulus coming to sit on her lap, to give her a big hug and offer to come to Hogwarts and cuddle her all day until she wasn't sad anymore. And she remembered Mom Potter making sure she finished off a glass of juice and a sandwich.

By the time Dumbledore and McGonagall had Apparated back to Hogsmeade, Dawn had fallen asleep on the couch out of sheer emotional exhaustion. When it was time to get the students back to the school, Harold decided he didn't have the heart to wake her and carried her out to the car.

James held the door open while his father settled Dawn into the middle seat, using his wand to guide the seatbelt around her without disturbing her. James and Sirius slid in on either side of her, and as the car began to move, she slumped to the side. Each of the Potters quietly expected Sirius to push Dawn away from him, but his only reaction to her resting against him was to shift so that she would be more comfortable.

The others spent the trip speaking in hushed tones, with Cecilia making sure both of the boys were alright and praising them for the way they'd carried themselves throughout the day. When they were just a couple of minutes away from the Leaky Cauldron, Dawn began to stir.

She opened her eyes, and they immediately widened in surprise as she found herself very overfamiliar and close with Sirius. He pretended not to notice the way she flushed and pulled roughly away, scrubbing at her face with her hands. They all got out of the car together, Harold and Cecilia heading inside to see their charges off through the floo network.

The Lupins and the Evans' were already inside with the rest of the fifth years, and Candice and Michelle were the first to step into the green flames and whirl away. The parents fussed over the six still remaining for a little while before gently pushing them to go on their way.

Peter smiled slightly at the adults before heading back to Hogwarts, Lily and Remus going right behind him. Cecilia kissed the final three again, and Dawn stole one last hug from Harold's arms before following James' instructions for using the floo network.

She stood in the grate, dropped the glittering powder and called "Gryffindor Common Room," just as the others had done. Then she felt her whole body spinning out of control, her mind almost going insane over the notion of flying through a chimney. It ended as suddenly as it began, Dawn fell on the floor in Gryffindor Common Room coughing, and with heavy soot clinging to her.

Peter, Lily and Remus were still there. Dawn lifted her head and paused, taking in the scene. Remus was standing in front of the long leather couch, beginning to shake. Lily and Peter stood back, like they were standing by for the bomb due to blast at any second.

"Remus…" Dawn whispered and scrambled up to go to him.

His shaking only deepened and he looked at Dawn with mounting desperation. "It's real, isn't it? That just really happened?" he whispered, his eyes begging her to say it wasn't so.

Dawn nodded jerkily, tears gathering one more time. "Yes, honey, it did."

Remus broke down. His whole body was wracked with the most horrible, gut-wrenching sobs any person was capable of. Dawn flung her arms around him and squeezed with everything she had. A moment later, Lily, crying just as hysterically as Remus, hugged him from behind. However she felt at the moment, deep down she didn't really blame anyone, and Remus' grief was calling out to her own more deeply than she could've imagined.

Peter was hovering near as the heart spit out Sirius, and then James. Dawn reached out and pulled him into the embrace so that Remus was covered on three sides. Neither of the other boys even spoke when they saw what was happening before them. James went straight to Dawn, wrapping his arms around as much of both her and Remus as he could manage. After a few moments, Sirius did the same for Lily.

Soon the weight of their grief was too much to bear and the group fell to the side as one, sprawled against the couch. When Dumbledore stopped in a while later to check that they'd arrived back safely, he found the six of them asleep just like that, all tangled together. He stood by in silence for a little while, just watching, and then floated a blanket over to cover them while they slept wrapped up in each other's comfort.


A.N:I'm guessing that would've been different to whatever people were expecting, and I experimented with the lack of scene breaks. Let me know what you think of anything & everything about this chapter!

Anoron