Disclaimer:Own nothing. Buffy stuff is Joss Whedon's genius. Harry Potter stuff is JK Rowling's genius. November Rain is Axl Rose's genius. That's Guns N' Roses for those of you playing along at home.

A.N:Sorry again, life stuff. Thanks not only for the lovely reviews, but the thoughtful suggestions. You all know who you are, and I hope you know how grateful I am.


CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

November Rain

With a wolfish grin, Sirius shut the door of the abandoned classroom and charmed it locked. When he turned, his companion had already made herself comfortable, lounging back against the desk at the front of the room, waiting for him. When he reached her she gave him a saucy look, daring him to kiss her. In no time at all, they were both sprawled over the surface, their hands probing each other's bodies.

Sirius pulled back a moment to gaze at the girl lounging beside him. HE knew her well, she was the first girl he'd actually gone all the way and slept with after breaking up with Dawn, Celeste Elliot. Back then, what he'd found most appealing about her was that she was nothing like Dawn. Her eyes were brown, her hair darker and thicker than Dawn's, and her body was more voluptuous, her curves far more pronounced than Dawn's.

Personality wise, they were worlds apart again. Celeste was forward and extroverted, even a little aggressive when she wanted something. Sirius had told himself she was the perfect counter to Dawn's light and airy gentility. Sirius drilled into his mind that he liked Celeste's differences and tried to tell himself being with her was far better than being with Dawn, but he didn't really believe it anymore as he started to flick her buttons open.

She began to pull at his shirt, too, and Sirius soon found himself wrestling her back against the desk so his mouth could begin to move over what he'd uncovered of her body. Celeste moaned with pleasure, and Sirius found himself moaning for an entirely different reason. The body beneath him just did not feel the same as the one he saw behind the lids of his closed eyes.

"Dawn…"

He froze when he realised what he'd done. He pulled his lips away from Celeste's breasts and looked at her face, expecting to see one very angry girl glaring back at him. But she hadn't even noticed his verbal slip, her eyes were closed and her head tilted back, little whimpers still not quite faded from her lips. Sirius knew he could easily just continue on with what he'd been doing if he wanted and Celeste would never be the wiser.

But he didn't want to.

Finally, Celeste realised he'd stopped and opened her eyes, tilting her head up to look at him. Her brown eyes were filling with confusion and even a little frustration. "Why'd you stop?" she half-moaned.

Sirius was still leaning over her, hands braced on either side of her body and his arms locked straight to keep the distance between them. He was panting, but more from the force of all the emotions running trough him than from all the physical activity.

"I just- I- I can't," he panted.

Celeste's face filled with misplaced understanding. "You mean… you can't…? Here, let me help you with that," she purred.

She reached to open his pants up, but Sirius pushed her hand away. He was already shoving himself off the desk, trying in vain to pull himself together. He was having trouble regaining composure, with every heartbeat stabbing Dawn's name into him like the sharp edge of a knife.

"No," he said, sounding desperate. He couldn't get his fingers to do his buttons up properly.

Celeste was sitting up now, staring at Sirius as if he'd gone insane. "What's wrong with you?" she said snappily.

Sirius groaned. "I wish I knew. I'm sorry, ok? Merlin, I'm just so damn sorry about everything."

He wasn't really sure why he chose that moment to say it, but Sirius was overwhelmed by the sudden desire to begin apologising. There was so much he wanted to take back that he didn't know where to begin. He was out the door before Celeste had even finished putting her shirt back on.

He ran through the halls, not caring who or what got in his way. He would have even bowled tiny Professor Flitwick over if the Charms instructor hadn't been so quick to move, but did not stop to heed the squeaky lecture. He stumbled into the open air, practically rolling down the front steps of the castle.

He paused to regain his footing, then remembered that just a few metres to his left was the exact point where Dawn had first appeared in his life in a flash of light, and pushed on. There was a secluded little gully by the edge of the lake, shielded from observation on both sides by tall rows of hedges.

Sirius collapsed in the grass, and in the privacy of the lonely sunset he began to cry.

At first it was only a couple of tears leaking out, insignificant enough for him to brush off as the products of stress and embarrassment. But then they began to come faster, and there were more and more tears falling, until finally Sirius was left helpless against the torrents.

Secure in the knowledge that no one could see him, he gave himself over to pure, heartbreaking emotion. He cried for more than he knew he had in him. He cried for Isabel, and Remus crying himself to sleep every night without her. He cried for the family he couldn't turn to for help, and the foolish younger brother he wanted so badly to save but couldn't. He cried for himself, feeling stupid, scared and alone. He was a fraud, always making sure he looked in control although it was becoming clearer by the day that he had power over nothing. He could barely even take care of himself.

Finally, Sirius began to cry for Dawn. He cried for every smile that had ever graced her lips and every tear that had ever fallen from her eyes, especially the tears he'd helped create. He fell back against the grass, staring up at the pink-streaked sky that seemed to cruelly provoke his tears with its beauty. He gave his mind over to reliving his short, yet powerful life with Dawn. It was so strange to him; he'd lived a whole lifetime without her, but every second spent with Dawn meant a thousand times more to him than all those before.

They'd both known all along that Sirius had been Dawn's first, but Dawn had not been Sirius'. It was true that Sirius had slept with other girls before, and after Dawn, but in his mind she was still different from every single one of them.

Because she had been the first, the only girl he'd ever made love to. He shook his head to himself as the sky deepened into a more accusing orange. Sirius had always thought himself the experienced one, suave and manly and always knowing exactly what to do. Well he physically knew how to make love, but now it was time to accept that Dawn's dissatisfaction with him showed that he really didn't know the first thing about being a good lover.

He was finally beginning to understand where it all went wrong, and the problem seemed to begin with his attitude. Being someone's lover wasn't about how frequently you slept together, it was about consideration, communication, and connecting on a thousand different levels. All those things Dawn had craved, and he had discarded in favour of physical gratification.

He began to cry again as day slipped into night at last. He couldn't deny it any longer, he couldn't go on pretending.

He wanted Dawn back.


"I feel like my head is going to explode."

Remus threw his quill down and buried his pounding head in his hands. In his mind he heard the gentle scraping of a chair and a moment later a pair of slender arms went around him.

"Don't you worry about that. If your head ever explodes, I'll Scourgify you up again," a melodious voice joked.

Remus smiled drowsily. He loved that voice. "Isabel…"

Everything around him: the air, her arms, her voice, was suddenly honey-warm. Almost afraid she would turn to dust beneath his touch, he brought a finger up to run along her hand. He was still too afraid to open his eyes.

"You didn't think a little thing like death would stop me from seeing you, did you Lupin?" she murmured.

"I miss you." Remus' hand was now confident enough to completely grasp hers.

"You don't have to miss me. I'm always here."

"If I open my eyes, will you still be here?"

"Try me."

Remus opened his eyes and the amber depths immediately began to sparkle with tears. Isabel was seated beside him, looking as glorious and simply beautiful as she ever had.

"See?" she smiled. "Always right here." Her hand had come up to rest over Remus' heart.

He let his fingertips brush across her cheek. "I love you so much- I never wanted this to happen."

"I know. I know that now."

Remus' eyes fluttered closed and he gave himself over to the euphoria of having Isabel so near him again. he let the feelings guide him and moved in for a kiss.

His lips met only wisps of air; whether or not she'd ever really been there in the first place, Isabel was gone. Remus blinked in the harsh reality.

"No…"

"Rem? What's wrong, honey?" Dawn asked, sliding into the empty chair next to him and putting a hand on his arm.

Remus shook his head quickly and blinked back the tears so he could focus on her. "Nothing, Dawn. I'm ok. It was nothing," he told himself quietly.

She frowned and laid her cheek against his shoulder, bringing her hand around to rub his back. Remus closed his eyes and laid his head on the top of hers. Throughout the past couple of weeks, nobody had been able to comfort him quite like Dawn had. The boys had tried, and Remus would be forever grateful for the way Sirius and James never mentioned it again or acted like anything out of the ordinary had occurred when they had to come and hug him in the night while he cried himself to sleep, but it just wasn't the same.

They didn't meant to, but the male Marauders all looked at him like they expected him to break at any second, and there was something wrong with him when he didn't. But Dawn seemed to know how that felt, and he wasn't sure if that was because of her own experiences or simply a girl thing. She just looked at him like whatever he was feeling at that moment was ok with her. Which was largely the reason he chose to be with her when he wasn't feeling ok.

He tried to say something, but found that his voice was annoyingly choked up. Dawn turned her head to peck his shoulder with her lips.

"I'm not going anywhere," she promised. "Take your time."

He nodded and waited a few minutes before trying again. "I think I'm going crazy," he muttered.

"Nah. Crazy people don't know they've lost it, and grief is not insanity. What made you think that, anyway?"

Remus shook his head. He didn't want to tell her what had just happened to him. He wasn't ready to be told if it wasn't real. She didn't seem to mind, just kept on rubbing his back and not pressuring him to open up. They sat in silence for a long time, not seeing the people trafficking through the Common Room around them and not caring what happened so long as they were left alone. They sat so still for so long that if their eyes hadn't been moving, they'd have been mistaken for statues. Finally Dawn took a deep breath and twisted her face up to Remus' ear.

"I miss her too," she whispered.

Sensing Remus' need for solitude rising, Dawn disentangled herself, kissed his forehead, and left him be. She could use a little solitude herself, her misery didn't seem to love company so much either.

She went to curl up in a corner in her dorm with her thoughts. Everyone's moods had been fluctuating so uncertainly lately that Dawn's depression had not registered on anyone's emotional scales. And as desperate as she was for someone to confide in, she didn't think it was the appropriate time to worry her shell-shocked friends over boy troubles. Who could she even go to, anyway? Lily was slowly letting go of her hatred and blame, but they were by no means the share-your-deepest-fears-and-desires kind of friends yet.

She wasn't insensitive enough to talk to Remus about romance, and given her history with Peter, he couldn't fill the role of confidant for her either. And how could she go to James? What could she say to him? 'Hey big brother, you know how I dated your best friend until I got freaked by the intimacy and ripped his heart out before stomping all over it? well, I want him back…' With that sales pitch, he probably wouldn't be inspired to help her.

And Sirius? She could barely stand to look at him without wanted to cry for a month. She had a horrible feeling in the depths of her heart that she'd not only missed her chances with him, but she'd wasted them and thrown them away. Every time she closed her eyes, she could see him leaned against the wall with his little blond Hufflepuff all over him.

He was over her.

She didn't think she'd ever be over him.

The thoughts were like acid poisoning her mind, burning to get out of her. Feeling desperate, Dawn snatched up a quill and a long sheet of parchment, hoping it would be long enough to host her every thought and feeling. Without pausing to think about what she was saying, Dawn began to write.

Dear Mom Potter,

Hope both you and Dad are well. Sorry to just start blabbing at you like this, but I really need someone to talk to. I don't know whether you've been looking forward to this moment or dreading it, but I need some advice. It's about a boy…

By the time Dawn had finished pouring out her soul, the parchment was full and her eyelids were feeling as heavy as her heart. She decided to send it off in the morning and tucked the folded parchment into her bag.

She changed into her nightshirt, realising with a pang that something of Sirius' scent still clung to it even after all this time. Dawn climbed into bed and drew the hangings about herself for privacy while she buried her face in her pillow and cried herself to sleep.


James was spread out over the dorm room floor, taking advantage of the rare solitude to catch up on some assignments. Most of which were due much sooner than he'd realised.

"Europa is covered in ice," he muttered as he wrote, recalling the argument he and his friends had had over the substance Europa was covered in.

Remus had insisted it was 'ice', but James, Sirius and Peter had all heard differently. James had heard 'mice', Sirius 'lice' and Peter had thought 'rice'. Since Dawn didn't take Astronomy and therefore couldn't pronounce judgement, Remus had gone as far as checking a book on Europa out of the Library to prove he was right.

The door opened and closed quietly, and James assumed it was Remus coming in. Both James and Sirius stomped about like Hippogriffs in heat, and Peter was too clumsy for quietness. But when James looked up, it was Sirius he saw shuffling dejectedly towards his bed.

"What's up, mate?" he called across the dorm.

Sirius just grunted and threw himself on his bed. James frowned and shoved his essay away. Moments later he was plopping down next to his best friend, neither boy seeming to notice or care that their shoes were dirtying Sirius' quilt cover.

"All right, Paddy?" James asked rather seriously.

Sirius shrugged, refusing to look at James. James' eyebrows knitted together and he stared at Sirius until he noticed the slightly red rimming around his eyes and hastily looked away. He decided it was best not to bring it up and quickly thought of something to take Sirius' mind off his troubles until he was willing to let James in on them.

"You know what we need?" he blurted suddenly. "A prank-fest! I really think we've kept the peace for far too long, those Slytherins are looking entirely too complacent. What do you think?"

Finally, Sirius turned his head to glance at James, although he couldn't hold his gaze for more than a second. "Do I even have to answer that?"

The two boys shared a small grin.

"Excellent. I don't think Moony is up for much in the way of pranking yet, and Wormtail couldn't come up with a plan if his life depended on it, but we can show them all a thing or two anyway. What do you say, a joint Padfoot and Prongs venture, eh?" James prattled on, hoping to completely distract Sirius from his cares.

"Maybe we can charm them all so they can't see themselves walking around in their knickers all day. On second thought, I really don't think I want to be seeing that much of Crabbe and Goyle. Or either of your cousins, for that matter."

James congratulated himself on the small laugh Sirius let out and pushed on. "Ah well, we'll think of something. We can start small, then build up so the slimy gits never know what's coming next. Oh, I know- we can send Bellatrix a nice little exploding package, a worm bile surprise. She'll be so ticked when that reminds her what the Kitten did to her."

Sirius flinched at the mention of Dawn's nickname. But James' excitement had gained so much momentum that he failed to notice Sirius' complete withdrawal from the one-sided conversation. James chattered away until Sirius couldn't keep his defences up anymore. He turned to his best friend and let out a rough sigh.

"Prongs, it sounds great. But can we think about it tomorrow? I don't have the energy tonight."

James blinked and stopped, disappointed he hadn't managed to distract Sirius from whatever was upsetting him. "Sure, Padfoot. Whatever you want. There… There isn't anything you want to talk about, is there?" he asked, fiddling with his glasses.

"No. I just… Nah," Sirius waved his mood away. "Forget it, Prongsie. We'll go pranking tomorrow."

He forced a grin and pushed himself up from his bed, looking tired and even a little defeated. He went into the bathroom and shut the door firmly. James bit his lip in frustration and returned to his homework, hoping to get through it all by the time Easter holidays were upon them. He listened to the heavy pounding of water coming from the shower that had been turned to full blast, his mind more on his friend than his Astronomy essay. He knew Sirius had been crying, but he didn't have the faintest idea why. Usually the boys could share their hurt with each other in some way, but when Sirius really wanted to keep something to himself there was no getting it out of him.

After barely two minutes of badly-attempted concentration, James groaned and tossed his quill aside. Life was too messed up to worry about homework. He left Sirius alone for the rest of that evening, feeling a little alone and depressed himself. But very early the following morning, he quietly woke Sirius, annoying him by firing jets of red sparks at his head until he was up and dressed. Under the Invisibility Cloak, the two boys broke into the Potions store and stole a healthy portion of worm bile.

Next they holed up in the Owlery to charm their little package so it would explode when opened. Sirius stared at the disgusting product for a moment before closing the lid, a nostalgic gleam in his eye. The look on Dawn's face just before she'd thrown the worm bile at Bellatrix had been so beautifully indignant and furious, a perfect expression of thought and feeling without a single word uttered.

James was looking at him curiously, when Sirius realised he hastily closed both the package and his expression, using his wand to seal the box up properly.

"Hmm," James mused. "Think it would be too obvious if we used Hector or Gizmo?" he nodded to Sirius' and then to his own. Rather fluffy owl in turn.

"Possibly," Sirius deadpanned.

All the owls had seen what the two boys had been packing into the unassuming little box, and were all strangely uninterested in accepting the task of delivery. They spent a few minutes trying to coax an owl down from the rafters, then spent another ten minutes trying to chase one down. Finally, James lost his patience for so much work on an empty stomach and used a summoning charm on the closest unfortunate bird.

Sirius held it steady while James attached the light box and whispered that it needed to be delivered during breakfast with the rest of the Owl Post. Although the owl didn't look impressed, both boys knew she understood. Plus Sirius had pulled a few Owl Treats from his pocket as a bribe.

By the time they'd returned to the dorm, Remus and Peter were just getting up and by the time James and Sirius had finished locating all the books for their classes, the four boys were all ready to go down to breakfast together.

When James reached the Gryffindor table, he almost groaned out loud. Dawn was chasing soggy fruit loops around her cereal bowl with a look on her face that said her favourite puppy had run away. He didn't know how much longer he could play the philanthropist, he had his own pains and heartaches still eating away at him.

But Remus still wouldn't talk to him about his grief, Lily hadn't so much as glanced at him in days, even Peter was acting a bit out of sorts, and the lead-up to Easter was usually the most exciting time of year for him. And now with Sirius' newfound depression, James had been hoping at least Dawn would be ok enough to help him out. Support him while he tried to support everyone. But he guessed none of them were really quite ok when it came down to it.

"Alright, Kitten?" he muttered, reaching for the bacon.

Dawn just shrugged, not even looking up at him. "Five by five."

'Whatever that means,' James thought as the first of the owls began to swoop into the Great Hall. There was the usual flurry of activity, and he couldn't help but grin in anticipation when he saw a box being set down by Bellatrix's plate, the owl he and Sirius had bullied into the job clearing out as quickly as possible.

In amongst the scrunching sounds of students tearing into envelopes or unfurling parchment scrolls, Bellatrix frowned and slicked open the unmarked package. There was a loud 'pop' as the Worm Bile Surprise activated and everyone within a three metre radius was sprayed with the nauseating substance.

There was a general groan of disgust from the Slytherin table, but it was tempered by the laughter bubbling from the other House tables. Bellatrix was fuming, wiping at the globs on her face to try and clear her vision. Finally, Narcissa took a napkin and, her delicate nose wrinkling with severe distaste, began to help her younger sister out.

James turned to Sirius, hoping to see the triumphant grin, they sparkling eyes reflecting back at him, but he was sorely disappointed. Sirius' smile was paper thin and wilting at the edges, his eyes unresponsive wells of depth. Beginning to lose his own tentative grasp on coping himself, James shoved a large forkful of bacon into his mouth, savouring the salty meat. He didn't notice Dawn sitting by him, clutching a roll of parchment like a life-line.

Sirius drained his pumpkin juice, heaved a world-weary sigh, and clapped James on the back. "Good show, Prongs. Pleasure doing business with you."

He sounded completely despondent as he got up and slouched out of the Great Hall. James watched him go sadly. It took him a moment to realise that Peter, in his own quiet little way, was trying to get his attention.

"What's wrong with Padfoot?"

"Wish I knew, Petey. Wish I knew."


Professor Kettleburn had accidentally kicked a hive of flesh-eating wasps while out in the Forbidden Forest, and was still in St Mungo's Hospital trying to have his kneecaps properly regrown. Dawn was grateful for the free period right after breakfast that resulted from Kettleburn's injuries: she needed to open her mail in private and didn't think she could wait until lunch. So when the rest of the school was departing for their classes and the other fifth year Gryffindors were heading back to their Common Room to relax, Dawn was emerging into the open air. It was a beautiful Spring day, but Dawn didn't take any pleasure in the warmth as she headed thoughtlessly towards the lake.

She stumbled upon a secluded little gully in between the protective walls of a couple of rows of hedges and decided it was the perfect little hideaway for her. As she sat, though, she had a vision of Sirius flashing through her mind: laying in the grass here and watching the sunset with tears on his face. She shifted uncomfortably, wishing she knew how to block her own mind out when it decided to turn traitor on her like that.

Her fingers fumbled with the seal and the parchment and she spread it out over her legs to read.

Dearest Dawn,

How are you, sweetheart? I'm honoured you feel that you can come to me with your problems, and I wish we could do this properly and have a cosy chat, woman to woman, over a cup of tea. But I'll give you the best advice I can this way before Harold decides to poke his head in and read over my shoulder. Somehow I doubt his two knuts' worth would be so helpful- a mother shudders to think what advice is being passed on to her only son.

But enough of that. Now, about this boy…

Her foster mother hadn't written anything that she didn't already know deep in her heart, but Dawn felt infinitely better just having poured her heart out, and having had someone confirm they care in response.

But along with that lighter feeling there was also a heavier one settling over her whole being, weighing her down. She had a lot of mess to start cleaning up. If she wanted to find her way back to Sirius' heart, she had to pick up the pieces she'd smashed last time around and then learn how to ensure it never happened again.

She had to change the way she'd behaved before, and then they'd both need to work on making sure their relationship was different this time. Stronger. More solid in its foundations.

And then of course was the prospect Dawn found too terrifying to even consider, the prospect that all her efforts would gain no reward.

Dawn stared out across the water for a while to clear her mind, then glanced down at her watch and groaned. She hadn't heard the bell, being so far from the castle, and if she didn't sprint, she was going to be late for Defence Against the Dark Arts. She gathered her things up, but fumbled in her haste and didn't notice the letter from Mom Potter fall out of the top of her bag and nestle itself into the grass. She bolted up to front steps and inside the castle, miraculously only about five minutes late.

The only seat left in the room was one Dawn really didn't want to take. The one in the back corner, right next to Sirius. She sat down, trying to duck out of sight of the Professor's annoyed gaze, feeling Sirius' gaze on her too. She wished there was some way to duck out of his sight as she rummaged in her bag for her Defence textbook.

"Damn," she muttered. It wasn't there.

"Here," Sirius said, sliding his book over to share. "We're finishing the theory on classifying dangerous beasts."

Dawn stared at him a moment before realising creeping him out wouldn't help her efforts to make things right between them. She forced as much of a smile as she could manage. "Thanks."

"No problem."

They read in awkward silence for a little while, neither really able to concentrate on the words before them, murmuring only to check if it was ok to turn the page yet. Sirius kept glancing at Dawn out of the corner of his eye, and Dawn wanted to scream with the agony he was causing. Just when she was about to fake stomach cramps to get herself out of class and away from the pressure of his eyes, Sirius took a deep breath and began to talk.

"Listen, Dawn, I wanted to apologise for what happened in that corridor last Tuesday," he said in a low voice.

Dawn turned her head slightly towards Sirius, an image of the little blond stuck to his neck like a suction cup returning to her mind. But why was he apologising to her? She'd instigated the break-up, she'd walked in on his private moment, she'd made a mess of everything…

"You don't have to apologise," she rushed out, creasing the corner of his page in her determination not to look at him. "I shouldn't have taken that short-cut anyway, I just barged in on you like that… And hey, it's not like I've never seen you with other girls before."

She was trying to convince herself it was no big deal, but that last line hit Sirius hard, like a blow to the gut. He reddened and, like Dawn, pretended to have an ounce of interest in the book laid out before them.

"Sorry," he said, feeling inadequate.

'Aren't we all?' Dawn thought. 'Aren't we all?'

She didn't know how she made it through the rest of the lesson, let alone the rest of the day and the week. But finally it was Friday afternoon and a handful of fifth years were sitting in the Gryffindor Common Room, contemplating the next couple of weeks with varying levels of enthusiasm.

James was bouncing up and down on the couch, ignoring Dawn and Remus' pleas for him to keep still. "It's Easter, it's Easter. Does everybody know what that means?" he sang.

"It means that from midnight tonight we've got exactly eight weeks and two days until OWLs begin," Lily realised, bolting to her feet. "If anyone needs me I'll be in the Library. Permanently," she called, scurrying for the exit.

"Not what I'm talking about," James said, still bouncing about gleefully.

Dawn eyed him with concern. "James, honey, I've got to tell you something that might get a little awkward, but since you're my big brother I consider it my duty to tell you this. You do know there's no Easter Bunny, don't you?"

Remus and Sirius choked on their cackles as James stopped bouncing at last. He folded his arms and pouted like a little boy looking very put out. Dawn leaned over and laid her cheek against his shoulder in a placating gesture.

"Yes I know there's no bloody Easter Bunny," he grumbled. A moment later he'd perked up again. "But I do believe in Mrs Pettigrew! Seriously, Dawn, Wormtail's Mum sends the best homemade Easter eggs of all time. We're all in for two weeks of the best damn chocolate you've ever tasted."

Right on cue, the portrait swung open and Peter struggled though, a large postage box in his arms. Dawn realised James must really be serious about that chocolate when he rushed over to help Peter through.

"Thanks," Peter said when he was clear of the entry at last, taking the box back so he could bring it over and set it proudly on the coffee table before the couch.

"Mum thought we could all use it a bit earlier this year," he explained, pulling the box open and consulting the list inside. "Ok, she says green for me, gold for James, red for Sirius, blue for Remus, and of course the girly purple one is for Dawn."

He passed them out quickly and found himself dazzled by the brightness of Dawn's smile as he handed her the enormous egg wrapped in purple foil. He was caught up in the borrowed feeling of warmth for a moment, then managed to tear himself away and seize his own egg. Dawn studied her gift with wonder. The purple foil was dark, but glittery and there was a deep red bow wrapped around it. A part of her didn't want to ruin the pretty wrappings, but the promise of chocolate within was too great a temptation. Besides, James and Peter were already well into theirs. James' was fully of peanut brittle squares, Peter's brimming with marshmallows.

She broke a small hole in hers and let out a squeal of delight. Her egg was filled with little balls of soft-but-not-runny toffee with nougat and peanut butter centres. She turned her gaze back to Peter, who had a handful of marshmallows and a faint chocolate smear on his chin.

"Does your Mom really make these herself?"

His mouth was full, he just nodded.

"It's amazing. Will you tell her thank you for me when you write?"

Again, a nod.

"Great." Dawn smiled and fished a toffee ball out to pop into her mouth. Her eyes fluttered closed, she moaned dramatically and flopped back against the cushions. Precious comfort food.

Sirius took the opportunity to observe her without the risk of being caught staring. She looked so beautiful, a mix of fragility and strength. He wanted to move over her, to touch her delicate nose and kiss her lips, make her his again. He'd actually moved out of his seat before he caught himself. The memory of her voice froze him in his tracks.

"… And hey, it's not like I've never seen you with other girls before…"

"Thanks for the egg, Wormtail," he muttered, pushing out of the Common Room before anyone knew what he was up to.

He went straight to his place by the lake to think, looking for time alone. He flopped back against the grass, but something unnatural-sounding crumpled beneath him. After a minute of shifting about and twisting his arm behind his back, he came out with a crinkled up roll of parchment.

His eyebrows rose as he smoothed it out enough to read that it was addressed to Dawn, written in what he was pretty sure was Mrs Potter's handwriting. He hesitated, thought about it for a moment. Would he like Dawn to read his mail is the situation was reversed? No. But who wouldn't do so in his position?

Sirius read the letter.


"Too much chocolate."

Dawn groaned and sat back, rubbing at her tummy. The inflow of chocolate fresh from Mrs Pettigrew's kitchen had been running steady for days now. No sooner had they finished one Easter egg off than another two would arrive in its place. Joyce Summers had been no slacker in the kitchen, but if she'd been anywhere near the cook that Peter's Mum was, Dawn suspected she'd be a good forty pounds overweight, too. Fifty at Easter time.

Remus chuckled at her. "What happened to 'there's no problem that can not be solved by chocolate'?" he teased.

Dawn pouted at him. "I forgot about the whole 'I think I'm going to barf' loophole and now I'm suffering."

"Poor Kitten," Remus soothed. "Your stomach will be up to the challenge next Easter, don't you worry about that. Here, if you want something to take your mind off it, have a look at this study schedule I've knocked out for us."

Dawn chanced taking one hand away from her stomach in order to pull the bit of parchment Remus offered closer. She grinned when she saw it.

"Pretty colours," she commented.

Lily had already all but moved into the Library, she was at the doors waiting for it to open in the morning and would only leave right on nine o'clock sharp in the evening, much to Madam Pince's annoyance. Peter preferred not to think of the horrors of their upcoming OWLs, and James and Sirius openly scorned the concept of requiring study to excel. So that left Remus and Dawn, and while Dawn had been absently inhaling the latest coconut ice offering from Mrs Pettigrew, Remus had been coordinating study schedules for them.

Dawn frowned to herself, comparing the two timetables that were colour coordinated by subject. "Hey Rem, how come you only get one afternoon off, but I get two? I don't remember bribing or threatening you."

"No," he laughed. "I just thought we could both use a break, and you don't take Astronomy, so your one less class means an extra break for you."

"Oh. Neat." Dawn scanned the timetable to see what Remus had organised for them right up. Transfiguration. She pulled a face. "So, you want to get a jump on this right away?"

She looked at Remus, but his face all of a sudden looked as perfectly despondent as she knew hers must.

"Or we could start tomorrow."

Remus nodded, staring at the piles of Dawn's books laid out on the Common Room table before them. He sighed heavily and leaned forwards to rest his elbows on the table, laying his head in his hands. It was only after Dawn laid her cheek against his back and wrapped her arms around his waist, hugging him tight, that Remus realised he'd started to cry.

Once he realised that, he couldn't stop. He quivered and shook with sobs for so long he almost couldn't remember life before tears, but the whole time Dawn was there. She didn't say a word, but she didn't let go either. She just waited patiently for the storm to pass.

"I miss her so much," he moaned. "Am I ever going to stop feeling this way?"

"Yes. And no," Dawn answered truthfully.

She'd finally let go of Remus and when he turned his red eyes towards her, she could tell she didn't have to explain. He already knew. Some things just stayed with you forever.

"You remember when I told you I thought I was going crazy? Well I… I saw Isabel," he confessed.

Dawn's eyes widened. "What do you mean?"

"She was here," Remus murmured. "I know it's nuts, I know she can't have been, but it was so real. Do you think I'm mental now? That I'm losing my mind?"

"No," Dawn said firmly. "When you lose somebody you love, sometimes you go through all these weird things that make you feel insane, or horrible, frightened or whatever. But it's ok. You go through whatever it is your mind needs you to go through to cope. What… What did she say to you when you saw her?"

Remus closed his eyes, his hand came up to rest over his heart. "That she was always with me."

Dawn nodded to herself, trying not to tear up. She was so tired of loneliness. "I think you should believe in that, Remus," she choked out. "I believe in things like that."

"You're right," he realised slowly, and for a moment he almost felt like there was hope for him. He looked at Dawn, really seeing her for what felt like the first time in months.

She didn't look happy, and he could tell it was something inside eating away at her. Dawn was staring at her pile of books, her face a study in hurt and loneliness.

"Dawn," he coaxed softly. "Tell me what's wrong."

She looked up and smiled, even though he could see the tears brimming in her eyes. "Don't worry about me, Remus. You should be looking after yourself right now."

"Friends are supposed to look after each other," he pressed.

In response, Dawn kissed his cheek. "You want to know something, Rem? You're my best friend."

"Then talk to me. You're no good to me when you're not ok."

Her stomach was churning with anguish the whole time she spoke, but she managed to get her story out. She confessed everything to Remus; the reasons her relationship with Sirius had imploded in the first place, her slow-evolving epiphany about the true nature of romance and love, and even her correspondence with Mom Potter. Remus listened in silent sympathy.

"And now you're faced with the task of somehow taking everything you've learned and repairing your life with Sirius," he concluded for Dawn when she'd talked herself out.

"I don't know if I can," she whispered. "I feel like I've wrecked his life and here I am now, months later, wanting to throw a band-aid at him and act like it's all better."

"Well then maybe you should look at it in a different way," Remus advised. "You know Sirius as well as I do, don't underestimate his compassion. If you can talk to him and explain everything as well as you did to me, he'll understand."

It was then that Dawn, her voice meek with terror, voiced the single greatest fear of her life.

"What if he doesn't want me?"

"What if he does?"

Her eyes grew impossibly round and her blood ran cold. It wasn't Remus who had spoken. His startled amber eyes had shifted to a point just above her shoulder. It seemed to take an age for Dawn to turn and force her downcast gaze to lift until it met Sirius'.

"I'm just going to… bugger off," Remus finished lamely, realising he'd already been forgotten. Without another word he took to the stairs, leaving Dawn and Sirius alone.

She went to stand to face him, but Sirius moved around to take Remus' abandoned seat and Dawn awkwardly lowered herself back into her chair from her half-standing position. Where to begin?

"Um…" she said.

"Um…" he said. Then he reached into his pocket and pulled out Dawn's battered letter from Mom Potter. "I sort of found this."

Once she realised what it was, and that Sirius must have read every word of it, Dawn began to blush deeply. He wasn't sure if it was the right moment for it , but Sirius couldn't help but chuckle.

"Dawn, I've seen you naked like a hundred times. Don't get embarrassed because I read your mail," he joked.

After a moment, Dawn gave up and smiled. The ice had been broken.

"I'm sorry," they both said at the same time, before adding, "You don't have to be," in unison.

"Ok," Sirius said slowly. "So we're both sorry. Good start."

Dawn sighed tiredly. "Can we skip this part?" she begged. "We both know what we did wrong and we'll make it better this time. That I can promise you. I just don't want us to end up hopping back on the merry-go-round of rotating knives. I blame you, and you blame me, and we both end up all cut to shreds. Please just tell me… Do you still love me?"

Sirius almost smiled, loving the way she'd just laid her soul bare for him. His eyes deepened with emotion and his voice was husky as he met her stare and her challenge head on.

'Doubt thou the stars are fire.

Doubt that the sun doth move.

Doubt truth to be a liar.

But never doubt I love.'

Dawn's eyes brightened with wonder. "I love you too," she whispered. "I didn't understand that before, I got so scared of the way I was feeling and I'm sorry-"

Sirius' fingers pressing against her lips cut her short. "I thought we were skipping this part."

Dawn leaned in, meeting Sirius half way as he moved forwards to kiss her. Everything that had been missing with all those other girls was found again, kissing Dawn felt like coming home at long last. Dawn tightened her hold on Sirius, felling more at home than she ever remembered feeling with his arms winding around her and his mouth sealed against her own.

The moment took them away from all thought and logic, all they knew was that when Sirius yanked Dawn up, shoving her books aside to lay her on the table, nothing had ever felt so right and natural. Dawn tangled her hands in Sirius' hair.

Maybe things were going to be ok.


A.N: Happiness now… :-)