BPOV
"And... There's only one woman I'm afraid of losing," he said.
Oh!
What did he just say?
Wait! Look at him! It's like he was regretting saying this stuff.
He was roaming his hand in his hair and it's like he was talking to himself.
Maybe he thought he said too much to make me feel better?
"It's okay," I said, "You don't have to say this just because I'm not feeling well today."
He looked at me and sighed.
"I shouldn't have listened to you. I should have clarified everything right on that day. I didn't know you were actually so stupid!" He said, "Now listen to me, and don't say a word!"
"You know that Dad died when I was young... It was so shocking for me." he started, "Mom and Big Pa began to put all the pressure on me. I mean, they were under pressure, too. I can understand their situation now, but I was too young at that time to digest everything."
"I was under too much pressure. Everyone had too many expectations from me. I had actually forgotten how to live life while trying to prove myself to everyone!" he said.
Actually I never gave a thought about how he must have felt when he lost his Dad at such a young age. It must have been so difficult for him.
"And then I met Angela..." he said.
Okay, here it comes. I was suddenly nervous. Did I even want to hear this part?
"She was so fearless and so... carefree. Whenever I was with her and her gang, I felt so relaxed... It's like I forgot about all the pressure, expectations, everything! It was like a form of escapism for me!"
Yes, she was so great, and I didn't like that!
"Mom didn't approve of my relationship with her, and that made me pursue it even harder." he said, "I wanted to do something so badly to go against her. She was getting really angry and she did all she could do to break our relationship, which made me angrier like never before. I wanted to marry Angela at any cost to rebel against Mom and big Pa!"
"But at some point I realized that maybe I was actually using Angela just to make a point to Mom," he sighed.
"Angela was great, but we would never have made it work. She was not what I wanted from my life partner." he said. "Maybe Mom and big Pa saw it before I could see that, but I'm not sure..."
Oh?
"You're everything I want from my partner." he said, "You're a smart, intelligent, beautiful woman. You're someone who I know that I can always rely on any matter what. You're someone I know who would always challenge me to make me a better person. You're someone who makes me really happy."
He might be exaggerating everything, but why was it making me emotional?
"I hate Mom for being all 'I told you so', but she's not wrong here!" he said, "You're perfect for me in every sense, and I don't want anything else."
He wasn't lying, right?
So... Did I actually lose my sleep over some five year old picture on social media? I should have asked him about that directly!
But didn't he say that he didn't know if he still loved her?
I was just going to ask him. I didn't want to assume anything now!
"But you said, you didn't know if you still loved her..." I said.
"Isabella..." he sighed, "I was really pissed off on that day. I wanted you to have faith in me that I wouldn't cheat on you! That was very unfair to you though. I hadn't given you enough reasons for you to trust me, and Alice had humiliated you. I didn't realize it at the time, and I'm sorry for that. If I had given this clarification earlier, well, things would have been much better."
Oh!
"I'm sorry, too." I said, "I could have presented that in a different manner."
"No, it's not your fault." he said.
So was he actually saying that he actually didn't care about his past?
No wait, didn't he say that he admired Jasper because he had married Alice? Why would he do that if he never actually wanted to marry Angela? Why did he have regrets then?
"Didn't you say that you admired Jasper because he had the guts to marry Alice?" I asked.
"I said, I admired Jasper. I never said that I admired him because he had married Alice," he said.
"Then why do you admire him?" I asked.
"Because he was always this rebel!" he said, "He's younger than me and it's not like he also wasn't under pressure, but he didn't give a damn! He always did what he wanted to. I could never do that." he smiled sadly.
"I always admired him because not many people are brave enough to wear their hearts on their sleeves and enjoy their life to the fullest. I'm certainly not one of them," he said.
Oh!
"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry," I said, "You know what? I think I don't know you enough, but... I want to."
"Same here," he said.
"I... I want to say something about the condition we had discussed earlier. I can't even imagine you being with someone else, even if it's just a casual physical relationship." I said.
I didn't know how pathetic that made me look, I had to tell him!
"I want to live like a normal couple," I said.
I guess the realization was hitting me really hard.
I didn't just like him, I was falling in love with him, and I didn't want anything else in the world.
Maybe he wasn't there yet, but I'd wait!
"Isabella..." he pulled me closer, and put his hand on my cheek, "Look at me! I swear, I haven't been with anyone else since we got engaged. When we were deciding the terms and conditions, I had my businessman hat on! I wanted to cover all the what-ifs! I wasn't planning to do it even at that time. I just wanted to cover it, just in case! I swear."
"Oh!" I said.
