Written for Klaroline Valentine's Day Bingo 2020 kcvalentinesbingo

Prompt: Porn star

Author's note: Special thanks to Eliliyah for giving me the idea for a yoga retreat.


A triple-pronged anal plug and jumbo Kegel eggs was more comfortable than this. Caroline did her best to breathe through the bound side crow pose, but she could tell by Enzo's twitching lips that she looked about as graceful as a giraffe on rollerblades. She actually was quite bendy — a side effect of her career — but holding the poses for an inhuman amount of time plus listening to ridiculous meditation suggestions like 'exhaling your soul into the void' made it difficult for her to take any of this seriously.

She was on a brief break from filming and had decided to take Enzo up on his offer to spend some time at his luxury yoga retreat, Experimental Zen. She'd been particularly proud of her work on The Sword and the Moan, and the kink communities already were buzzing about her performance. There'd even been some talk about a nomination for a Golden Grope Award. But before the porn conventions and webchats and crazy media campaigns began, she was taking some time to relax.

She was attempting to transition into a reclining pigeon pose when she smelled something delicious wafting along the breeze. After a week of avocado puree, alfalfa sprouts and kale smoothies, she instantly salivated when she recognized the tangy aromas of onion and chili. She glanced across the manicured lawn and was surprised to see two men lounging on deck chairs at the adjacent property. While the men certainly were attractive enough to warrant a second glance, her growling stomach only wanted to zero in on the deliciously messy chili dogs they were eating. She loved Enzo, but she was rapidly reaching the point where she'd skin him alive if it meant she could sneak some carbs into her suite.

As her class was wrapping up with the usual mind-numbing breathing exercises, she quietly slipped away, finding herself curious about the dimpled one who somehow managed to flirt with his eyes while inhaling his lunch. Multitasking was such a turn on. She casually leaned against the low rock wall as she told them, "You know, in some circles, what you're doing is considered cruel and unusual punishment."

The man with the boyish face teased, "I'm quite intrigued by any punishment you'd care to administer."

"Please forgive my brother; he becomes a babbling wanker when in the presence of a beautiful woman." The hot guy with dimples sauntered over to her, licking the last traces of chili from his lips. Fuck. How did he manage to make that look sexy? "Klaus Mikaelson," he introduced himself, jerking his chin toward his brother in a more irritated tone as he added, "And that's Kol."

"I'm Caroline," she replied, swallowing her stage name that was on the tip of her tongue. While she felt no shame about her profession, she also had no interest in justifying it.

"You seemed quite adept during the class. Have you been practicing yoga very long, sweetheart?"

She shrugged, fighting back a coy smile as she recalled an hours-long scene she'd recently done that involved midair splits, two footballs and way too much grape jelly. "You could say it's a hobby."

"Nik has a hobby — Picasso wannabe — but you seem downright professional. Are you an instructor at that little hippie commune," Kol asked while comically wiggling his eyebrows at her.

Caroline felt a flare of anger at Kol's condescending attitude about Enzo's place, and while she agreed it was pretentious (her favorite pastime was calling Enzo out on his pseudo-hippie-wearing-designer-clothes lifestyle), no one made fun of her friend (except her). "It's a luxury spa for wellness and regeneration," she corrected him with an icy glare, "and Enzo worked really hard to make it successful, and doesn't deserve condescending asshats talking shit about him."

Klaus immediately apologized for his brother while simultaneously admonishing him, but she didn't miss the contemplative look in Kol's eyes as he studied her. Or, more specifically, how he was studying her wrist. Shit. When she'd angrily pointed at him, she had tilted her hand just so, inadvertently displaying the hummingbird tattoo that was inked along her pulse point.

"Bloody hell, I knew you looked familiar! You're Ceci Mae West," Kol proclaimed excitedly, waving his hands around until he'd liberally smeared chili, onions and mustard along the once-pristine ivory lounge chair. He raced over to her, a goofy grin on his face as he proceeded to shake both of her hands, accidentally coating her skin in the remnants of his meal. "Watching you in The Princess and the Plug changed my life! And don't even get me started on your work in 101 Dominations! You're amazing!"

While it wasn't the creepiest fan encounter she'd experienced (that dubious distinction went to the stalker who'd tattooed a scene on his back that depicted their wedding and then followed her around a convention proposing), it definitely was the messiest. She gratefully accepted a fluffy beach towel from Klaus so she could wipe the chili stains off of her fingers. "Thanks, it's always nice to meet a fan," she replied graciously. "Although Blow White and the Lion Kink movies had better writing in my opinion."

She realized Klaus had grown almost unnaturally still, studying her with a shrewdness to his gray eyes that revealed nothing of his thoughts. She hoped he wasn't going to be a dick about her job, but she'd learned the hard way that often the prettiest people had the ugliest souls. "Pose for me," he blurted out uncertainly, a blush staining his cheeks that she found immensely appealing.

She rolled her eyes; this hardly was the first time someone had tried out the whole 'desperate artist seeking muse' line on her.

Her amused silence seemed to spur him on, and Klaus hurriedly explained, "Kol was being a git — I'm actually established within the art community and am preparing for an exhibit next month. Perhaps you could step inside and look at my current pieces and see if it's something you'd be interested in?"

She never could say no to a pretty face. Still, she remembered safety first and quickly texted Enzo. "Your two hot British neighbors — douchey frat bro types or possible psycho killers?"

Enzo must've been observing them in the distance because his reply was instant. "Neither. Just rich and judgy. But hands off Kol — we've only gotten through the first half of the Kama Sutra."

Caroline snorted, telling the brothers, "Enzo says you guys are rich and judgy, but probably not going to murder me, so lead the way."

Kol seemed to be thinking hard, finally asking, "What else did he say?"

"That he can't wait to get to chapter nine."

Klaus immediately chuckled as Kol looked shyly intrigued before hastily excusing himself to no doubt read ahead in his copy of the book. "I never thought I'd meet anyone who was more of an unrepentant troublemaker than my brother, but Enzo definitely challenges that notion. How do you know him?"

She considered her answer — a rarity for her — but she didn't know what Enzo had told Kol and wasn't about to accidentally mess things up for him. So, instead she said, "College — we had a lot of the same business classes and both liked making fun of the obnoxiously conservative hypocrites we kept getting paired with in group projects." And then, we answered a casting call and liked it so much we dropped out to do porn.

She really should remember to warn Enzo about Kol's fangirling — if he'd seen all of her movies, then he'd inadvertently seen some of Enzo's work too. However, Enzo exclusively had acted in the fantasy movies where they dressed him in long, itchy barbarian wigs and either horns or pointy ears. It's likely Kol hadn't even recognized him. While there never was an appropriate time to reveal to a lover your porn star background, Caroline had learned from experience that sooner always was better. But Klaus already knows your secret.

As Klaus led her into a beautiful studio full of light and smelling sharply of chemicals, she impatiently batted away that distracting thought. She'd made the decision to stop trying for a relationship until she was done with the industry — none of her lovers had been comfortable with her work and she grew frustrated and impatient by their irrational jealousy. "Based on your moniker, you're a fan of Mae West then," Klaus observed, inviting her to sit on a padded bronze chaise in the center of his studio. "She was brash and witty with her charming quotes like 'Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.'"

She smiled, revealing, "I always liked her saying, 'When I'm good, I'm very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better.'" With considerable effort, she managed to look away from his intense gaze, the air buzzing between them. Focus. That path doesn't lead anywhere you can go. "Wow. These are incredible," she breathed, taking in the enormous canvas paintings. The oils were bold, angry colors, more abstract than a clear scene, but the passion and intensity poured out. Something she understood all too well.

"With the right muse, they'd be even better."

She never could say no to a pretty face.


Prompt: Beer and pizza

Klaus used to summon hellfire on a whim, just to stroke his fingers across his enemies' flesh to make it crackle and sear as they trembled before him. And now he couldn't keep a simple fire lit in this wretched pizza oven. Up until a few weeks ago, he'd been a prince of hell, feared and worshipped in equal measure. And then Mikael cast him out when he learned that Klaus was not of his bloodline. Reeling from both the shock of everything he thought he'd known suddenly being wrong and the physical pain of being stripped of his demonic powers, he'd wandered the streets without purpose.

"Do you need some help," Caroline's cheerful voice interrupted his morose thoughts, reminding him that humanity could still surprise him. One of the unfortunate results of being cast from hell was that his insatiable bloodlust had been replaced by a voracious appetite. He'd quickly grown weary of hunting small prey in their meager forests, but understood enough of earth to know that without their currency, he was unable to purchase food. It was with deepest shame and self-loathing that he'd stumbled upon a large metal receptacle behind an eating establishment, and attempted to scrounge for something to eat.

Caroline had found him, and immediately ushered him inside her eating establishment called a restaurant, in which he'd grown inordinately fond of this food called beer and pizza. He'd also grown inordinately fond of the lovely blonde. Her kindness had dispelled everything he thought he understood about humanity, and when she'd offered him a job, he'd willingly accepted. She'd even arranged for him to be housed in a local shelter that a friend of hers ran. A beautiful soul. Everything about his downfall made him want to sneer and tear into things until they bled, but there was something about this perky little firebrand that somehow soothed his rage. A worthy human. She was as rare as a docile hellhound, and Klaus intended to keep her. It only was a matter of time until he figured out how.

Klaus inhaled sharply, breathing in the completely ordinary scents of basil and tomatoes that suddenly were intoxicating whenever she came near. Favoring her with a dimpled smirk that caused her to blush prettily, he was pleased to see that despite losing his demonic powers, his seductive nature still was intact. "It's nothing I can't handle — I've always had an affinity for fire," he answered, purposely deepening his accented voice as it seemed to cause quite the favorable reaction among humans. Perhaps because they didn't realize that they too had accents?

"Looks like you need more dry kindling. Maybe your affinity is off today," she teased, patting him affectionately on the arm.

He preened under her touch, noting with interest how her palm lingered a bit longer than was necessary. She seemed to appreciate his musculature, and lately he'd been making a point of positioning his body to emphasize the parts that seemed to have captured her attention. "I'll need to split some more logs out back." He cocked his head, putting a bit of heat in his gaze as he invited, "Perhaps you'd care to watch my affinity in action, sweetheart?"

Caroline rolled her eyes, shaking her head wordlessly as she left the kitchen, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips. Klaus watched her walk away, noting a slight nervousness in her step. He understood that she was about to take part in a time-honored human ritual called a date. Apparently, a previous date had performed an unforgivable act known as ghosting, a confounding term that he soon discerned wasn't actually related to apparitions bound to the earth, but instead held a negative connotation.

This had caused Caroline to share multiple beers with him one evening as she lamented the inferiority of human males; her mannerisms a curious contradiction of mirth and sorrow that made him uncomfortable as it seemed she needed some sort of emotional display from him. He'd sensed that this could be a precursor to a mating ritual, but it somehow felt...wrong to take advantage of that moment.

A prince of hell shouldn't have feelings. And yet, he did.