A/N: Thank you to Robert for patiently explaining the difference between a former marine and an ex-marine and for sharing your stories about Vietnam and the USMC.
To askacop on Livejournal, thanks for answering all my questions about guns.
To Becky, peanut2lb, MickeyLeek, dumbblonde76 and Strange Music for reading and reviewing. Without your interest in the story, the muse would have given up abut twelve chapters ago.
Thomas stood on the patio, he wanted to walk out onto the sand but his heart felt so heavy right now that he just couldn't force his feet to move.
The sun was setting, framing the people on the beach in flaming colors and he remembered the last time he'd seen Rick standing out there.
He blamed himself for that too, though he knew it wasn't entirely fault that Rick's sister had been killed, the guilt just wouldn't fade.
Thomas shrugged, trying to settle the sling into a more comfortable position and stepped out onto the sand.
Rick was watching the horizon, arms wrapped around himself as though he were chilled.
Thomas felt that chill too, it had nothing to do with the air temperature; it was the chill of memories buried.
"Hey." Rick said, seeming to sense his presence.
"Hey." He replied. "You okay?"
"Just thinking."
"We all have our demons. They were born over there but they came back with us and there's no shame in that."
"I'm not ashamed, Thomas I'm afraid."
"We're all afraid sometimes."
"Not like that Thomas, I'm afraid for other people, what if I do lose it someday?" He looked Magnum in the eyes, "I could end up killing you or TC or hell, anyone who crosses me."
"I don't think that will ever happen. You're a good man Rick, a strong man. You could have killed a lot of people but you didn't."
Rick turned away, "My first tour I kept track of how many people I killed. I was proud to be in the triple digits." His voice grew softer, "My second tour I realized I wasn't immortal and I could die. After we went down I was sure that I'd be going back to the world in a box. By my third tour I …" he worried at his lip with his teeth, "If it hadn't been for you and TC…"
"Everybody was scared over there Rick."
"Not everyone." Rick was staring at his hands, twisting the ring he always wore on his right hand. "You weren't."
"I guess I did a better job of convincing you of that than I did of me." Magnum changed the subject, "Why do you hang on to that piece of junk M19?"
"That piece of junk M19 has saved my life more than once."
"Can't you fix it so it works?"
"I could but then it wouldn't be the same gun."
"And that's important?"
"It was Gary's; it's the only thing I have left of him."
Magnum feigned ignorance of the name, "Gary?"
"Gary Hargis, he was the pilot of the first gunship I was assigned to when I hit Vietnam. When we went down he held off the VC with that until he could get me out of the chopper. An AK-47 round hit it, jammed up the exit port and it wouldn't fire anymore."
"They let you keep it?"
"What were we gonna do, beat them over the head with it?" Rick sighed, "It gave them something to rail us about, you know, the inferior western capitalist weapons."
"Yeah, damn AK-47s held up better over there than our M-16s."
"Tanaka was here." Rick sighed, brushing the hair out of his face. "He said they wouldn't be filing charges against me."
"That's great!" Thomas' smile disappeared when he saw Rick frown. "Isn't it?"
"I murdered two people Thomas, I should be punished."
"Rick…" Thomas didn't know what to say, he held his breath for a moment then let it out slowly. "Tanaka knows you were provoked into attacking Harrison and you were protecting us when you shot Marcus, it was self defense."
"I shouldn't have done it." Rick moaned. "I shouldn't have."
Thomas reached out hesitantly, laying a hand on Rick's shoulder. "Anyone would have done what you did; after all you'd been through. Harrison drugged you and he goaded you."
Rick tensed, "How do you know about that?"
"Harrison taped all the patient sessions."
"TC said he burned those tapes."
Magnum hesitated, uncertain if he should tell Rick what else Tanaka's men had found in the psychiatrist's office.
Rick stepped away from Thomas, "I killed him, I should be punished and nothing else needs to come out of this."
"I'm sorry." Thomas' voice was thick, "There's nothing I can do, Tanaka found a journal Harrison had of your sessions. That's why they won't press charges."
The utter despair in Rick's voice cut like a knife.
"Everyone will know."
"They will know that you are a strong, brave man who has endured some terrible things and lived through it."
"They'll know I'm a crazy killer."
Thomas grabbed Rick's hand, "You're not crazy," he pulled Rick's hand up to show him the ring, "You're a unique individual and you're my friend. I love you, man, and nothing is ever going to change that."
Rick looked at their hands and his eyes were dark and wary when he looked at Thomas. "You mean that?"
He had never been so certain of anything in his life as he was of this right now. He pulled Rick into a clumsy one-armed hug. "I swear it."
END
