June 22, 2004

Angel Grove, CA

Tommy and I spent most of the day together, setting up the house. At one point, we even went back to the second hand store and picked out some wall decorations for the kitchen and the living room. It had been more tense after he saw my bruise but I did my best to not dwell on the thought. He didn't bring it up again and when he dropped me off out front of the house, he said he would see me the next day at the beach. I was sad to see him pull away but I headed inside anyway.

Nick came home sooner that night than I had planned on. I was laying in bed reading when he walked in. Like last night, he looked tired and had smelled like he worked all day in a factory. He smiled when he saw me though, tossing his backpack in the corner of the room before kicking his shoes off. He stripped off his shirt and his pants before crawling into bed with me.

"There's my sexy wife." He whispered, kissing the back of my neck.

"I'm reading." I giggled, pulling slightly away from him. He pulled me back towards him and nibbled at my shoulder.

"Put the book down." He said between bites of my skin.

"Aren't you tired?" I asked, eyeing him.

"Dead but I think I can manage the rest of my strength for this." He pulled at the string of my tank top, bringing it down my arm. I pulled it back up though.

"I'm kinda tired though." I replied.

"I will help rock you to sleep." He whispered.

"Nick." I said, gently pushing him back. "I'm sorry but just not tonight, okay?" He looked at me, confused.

"What? Are you seriously turning me away right now?" He asked.

"I'm sorry but I moved furniture all day and I'm sore. I'll make it up to you tomorrow night after we get home from the beach." He scoffed, tossing himself back into the pillows. "Please don't be upset with me. I just don't feel like I'm in the mood."

"Whatever." He said, turning away from me. Guilt and shame washed over me as silence filled the room. Had I really turned him down after spending the day with Tommy? It was true that I was tired and my entire body ached from moving things. But all he wanted was affection, something I was looking forward to after the rough days we had lately. Was it because I had spent so much time with Tommy? An image of Tommy laying next to me in my bed came to mind, taking me back to 16 again. I shook my head, not allowing my mind or my libaido to head down memory lane right now.

"Hey." I said, closing my book and setting it on the table beside me. I snaked my arm around him and placed little kisses on his back. He abruptly turned around, grabbing my wrists. He pinned them to the bed above my head and rolled over on top of me.

"You thought you were gonna tell me no?" He whispered, leaning down close to my ears. "I'll fuck you so hard, you'll never tell me no again." He spread my legs with his legs and kissed me, hard. I shook my head, pulling on my wrists. He held tighter though, aggressively pulling at my clothes.

"Too rough." I said when he pulled away.

"Oh, come on. That's nothing, babe." He said, letting go of my wrists. He sat back on his heels, reaching into his boxers. He made movements, telling me he was touching himself. He looked down at me with his look that told me he wanted nothing more than to have sex with me. There was this carnivore look to it that made me feel uneasy. I didn't know why but I was regretting this decision. I should have stuck with my original answer of no but I didn't want him to feel like I didn't want him. I also didn't want myself to think it was because of my time with Tommy. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I thought that or if Nick thought that once he learned who had helped me move today. He moved his hand more, a looked of frustration growing on his face as he looked down at his hand.

"What's the matter?" I asked, propping myself up on my elbows.

"Nothing. Shut up." He hissed, closing his eyes. I watched as he continued to stroke himself but I noticed that there was no activity seeming to happen there. He wasn't the biggest guy but I can tell when he's ready to report for duty. He was not in the slightest. "Son of a bitch!" He said, flopping down on the bed. "If you hadn't fucked things up, I wouldn't be having an issue."

"I'm sorry. It's not a big deal, Nick. You've been working a lot and have been dealing with stress. It happens." I said softly, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't patronize me. I was ready when I came in here but you had to open your dick sucker and ruin it." He crossed his arms, glaring up at the ceiling. "Tomorrow, we're gonna have sex and I'm going to do what the fuck I want to you to make up for it."

"Okay." I said.

Everyone was up and ready to head to the beach by eleven the next morning. Nick seemed to be in a better mood when he woke up, talking to me about the house and what I had done to it. I told him all about the furniture and how everything was set up. We made plans to go see it the next day before we both headed to work. He was planning on getting a car for us once we were moved in, making it easier to get around. He gave me a hug and a kiss before we climbed into Trini's car to head out for the day. We sat in the back seat, my hand in his as we drove.

Nick and I met back in Miami shortly after I moved there. He was working as a busboy at a nearby pizza place that the team used to go to every Tuesday night. I left my purse behind one time and when I went back to get it, we hit it off well. We started hanging out as friends, him joining our team on group outings to the movies and stuff like that. Nick admitted he had feelings for me a few months later. I told him I had a boyfriend and that I wasn't interested. He said he understood and respected that. We still spent time together and he would do the sweetest things for me. He'd make me food I loved to eat from back home including smoothies and would help me pick out gifts to send back. He never asked me to leave Tommy and I never thought about it until I realized my feelings for Nick were too strong to ignore. After we got together, Nick and I would do everything together. He'd come watch me practice, help the team clean up afterward, buy me flowers and other presents to leave at my dorm. He proposed to me about a year later. I thought we were too young but he convinced me that love would conquer all.

Our wedding was a simple ceremony on the beach. My mother came with Pierre and Nick's father attended with his grandmother. My friends from the gym came and a few of his friends came as well. I had invited everyone back home but none of them could swing it to make the wedding. The team was still going, keeping Adam, Tommy, and Rocky busy. Aisha was working on her degree at that point and Zack, Trini, and Jason had just returned from their peace conferences at that time and weren't looking to travel again at such short notice. It sucked not having them there but I understood. I sent pictures after the fact, showing Trini and Aisha how everything looked. It wasn't the same but it still felt completely magical as I looked at the day in pictures. We danced the whole night away at our reception held at a restaurant off the beach, a tiny cake on our table as our wedding cake. It was tiny and cute and perfect for us.

After our wedding, things were great. We'd spend lots of time together and find ways to see each other even when I was at the games. Since I was still on the team, I had to live in the dorms. Nick lived with friends until I was out of the school. We moved into our apartment and life was great. When he lost his job though and infertility started to become a factor, things became strained. This was going to be our fresh start though. I was confident in my relationship with him enough to know that the vows we took were forever. I was going to do my best to follow them.

When we got to the beach, Nick helped Jason unload the coolers from the back of the car while Trini and I lugged our beach bags over to the table that Aisha, Rocky, Billy, and Adam were sitting at. Further down the sand, I saw that Tommy and Zack were tossing a football back and forth between them, diving for it if necessarily. There was an array of food set up on the table top and a grill was smoking a few feet away, Rocky poking it with a spatula every now and then.

"Hey, guys!" Aisha said, standing up from the table. She hugged Trini and I when we approached, followed by Jason. "Glad you could make it."

"Of course! It's a beautiful day out." Trini said, adjusting the large sun hat on her head. "How are you feeling?"

"Oh you know. Morning sickness is kicking my ass, that's for sure." Aisha replied. She turned her attention to me. "I heard about the job and the house. Congrats!"

"Thanks. It's so good to be back to work and to have somewhere to call our own again. It's been nice staying with Trini and Jason but I think it's time everyone had their own space." I said, setting my bag down.

"I can agree with that." Nick said, setting the cooler down he had carried from the car. He reached inside, fishing out a beer and popped the top off it. Jason walked over, setting his down as well. I saw him shoot a glare towards Nick but Trini put a hand on his arm to sooth him. I ignored it, putting my attention into applying sunscreen to my arms and face.

"I heard you got a job too. Congrats, Nick." Aisha said, smiling at him. He took a sip of his beer, nodding.

"Sure did. It's not much but I'm making a killing. I bet I'm bringing home more a day than anyone here." He bragged, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

"I don't know about that one, dude. Like Trini and Billy are scientists. They see a lot of numbers in their paychecks." Rocky called out, stirring the coals. Fire rippled up in the grill pit.

"Do they bring home $500 a day under the table? They are paying Uncle Sam while I get to keep everything I earn. Thought scientists have to be smart." Nick said, shrugging his shoulders.

"Those that pay taxes like normal people usually are." I heard Adam say under his breath to Billy. I smirked at him, hiding it from Nick. Adam smiled, pretending to be interested in the bottle of ketchup in front of him.

"How about we not talk about money and switch topics? How'd the tournament go yesterday, Jason?" Aisha asked.

"Good. Ten of our kids placed and one brought home the top prize. I think we'll wipe the board at the next one. They are some tough kids." He replied, walking over to Rocky to help him with the fire. In the distance, I saw that Tommy and Zack were jogging towards us. The football was in Zack's hands and he tossed it up in the air as they jogged. I couldn't help but notice Tommy's muscles on his biceps as he ran, the white cut off t-shirt helping them stand out under his tanned skin. He had green and white swim trunks on his legs and they did a good job at hugging his hips. His hair was a bit of a frizzy mess on his head, a white bandana keeping it out of his eyes.

"Bout time you guys showed up!" Zack said, giving Trini and I a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "We were starting to think that you weren't coming. Tommy even beat you here and he's always late."

"Only because he had Billy and Adam with him." Jason said, pointing at Zack. "He'd still be at home if that wasn't the case."

"Jeez. I would have stayed home if I knew it was 'Gang Up on Tommy Day.'" Tommy said, playfully glaring at Jason and Zack. His eyes flashed over to me and he gave me the tiniest of winks. I was thankful to see that Nick hadn't noticed it but Adam had. He raised an eyebrow at me as he stood up.

"I'm in the mood to walk around. Anyone care to join me?" He asked, looking around at the group.

"I'm gonna hit the water. You in?" Nick asked, looking down at me.

"I think I'm going to wait a bit. I'll be there in a while." I replied. He shrugged, pulling his shirt off. He grabbed his bag though before heading off towards the sand. Adam walked over to me and sighed.

"Shall we walk and talk?" He asked. I nodded, leaving my bag on the ground. We walked together away from the group and towards a playground. It was empty, kids missing at the early hour still. Adam walked over to one of the swings and sat down. I picked the swing to the right of him, sitting.

"How are things with you and Billy going?" I asked, pumping my legs to gain some height as I swung.

"Fine. We helped Tommy move your new furniture in the other day. Though, I'm going to suppose he told you that after all the time you've spent together." He replied, eyeing me.

"It's not like that, Adam." I said, shaking my head. "Tommy is just my friend and friends help each other out. I would do the same for any of you guys."

"I know you would but have you considered what this might be doing to Tommy? I know you think it's innocent but the more time you spend with him like that, the more it might feel like a second chance to him. I don't think he would try to break things up between you and Nick. I just don't want him to get hurt again."

"Are you suggesting that I'm leading him on?" I asked, skidding my swing to a stop. "Is that the kind of person you think I am?"

"No. Don't get offended. It's not what I meant and I think you know that. All I'm saying is that you weren't here when you broke up with him. He was a wreck for weeks and I was the one here watching it happen. The poor guy hasn't been the same since. But the second you come back into town, old Tommy comes back. I'm just hoping it's your friendship helping him heal from before but a part of me feels that it might be those old feelings coming back." I frowned, glancing towards our group. I saw that Tommy was smiling and laughing at something that Jason had said.

"When we were together the other day, he told me that he didn't think our relationship had been that serious. We talked about it for a while and both agreed it was just some kiddie crushes." I said softly.

"Kim, do you for one second truly believe that? You were head over heels in love with the guy. Trust me. We all knew it. Just because it is in the past doesn't mean that it means any less now. It's okay to admit that you thought you and Tommy were endgame. Hell, the rest of us thought you were. It'd only make sense that the two of you did as well."

"I really did." I said, swaying slowly. "I remember thinking we were going to get married after high school and have a bunch of kids. I even had the perfect house picked out and what we would name our dog. Phoenix, by the way. And we would watch movies together after the kids went to bed. I made this entire life up in my head that I was excited for. Then I met Nick and the idea seems duller somehow. Like it wasn't something that was as attractive as being with someone new."

"Maybe because it was right there in front of you while Tommy and your dreams were 3,000 miles away." Adam replied. "I'm not telling you that marrying Nick was a mistake. You clearly love him. But maybe you should figure out how you feel about Tommy before moving any further with some of your dreams together. It's never too late to change your mind on what you want."

"I don't want to lead Tommy on." I said. "But I also like spending time with him. How am I supposed to do that?" Adam shrugged.

"Beats me but I know you'll think of something."