Author's note: This is a sequel to Chapter 88: Part 1 - Klaroline AU Week - Shrieky Clean. It's Klaroline's first date (after the whole skin-melting, murder-flirting thing) and Caroline assumed one little date wouldn't draw too much attention...

Warning: Some violence


"I don't have a lot of patience for stories in which women are rescued by men."
― Neil Gaiman, The Sleeper and the Spindle


Some men do a typical dinner-and-movie date. Some get a little more creative with a romantic picnic along the Mississippi or a steamboat cruise. But then, there's the rare man who flies you to northeastern India for a first date to dine on the most exquisite steamed pig brains with black cardamom and Bhut jolokia chillies. Caroline was quite fond of brains.

The warm glow of the torches picked up the flecks of hybrid gold in Klaus' gaze. "Are you quite sure about your dinner, sweetheart?" He nodded toward the bartender underneath the thatched roof who accidentally-on-purpose brushed his hand along Caroline's ass when he brought their drinks earlier. "It's no trouble at all to upgrade your meal."

She rolled her eyes at his teasing-yet-completely-serious tone. As a zombie, human brains were a culinary necessity, but she demanded ethically sourced food. And Bartender Gropeyton wasn't on the menu. Yet. "I bet you offer to murder for all your dates."

"Only the ones who bring their cleaning products."

Crossing her arms, she stubbornly replied, "I only brought along a travel-sized halogenated solvent." She eyed the wavy line near his temple where she'd sprayed him during their first meeting. "Original hybrid pepper spray," she added with a wink.

Klaus toasted her with his rice beer, the tip of his tongue seductively touching his bottom lip as he told her, "I swear my behavior will be above reproach."

"Well, maybe not above reproach. How about reproach-adjacent?"

He flashed her a dimpled smirk, "I'd be delighted to try. You'll find I'm a quick study."

She could feel her cheeks heat up from the innuendo and was a little impressed — her body temperature normally hovered around 65 degrees Fahrenheit. Klaus could make a zombie's pulse race. He might be worth keeping around. The low trills and hoots of monkeys playing in the lush subtropical forest distracted Caroline, and she let out a happy little sigh. "It's beautiful here. Thank you for sharing it with me."

"You haven't had much occasion to travel," Klaus asked curiously.

She ducked her head, shyly muttering, "I haven't really been anywhere." At his surprised noise, she explained, "I was out of it for awhile after I got bitten. You kind of...float along until you get control again. I was one of the lucky ones and learned fast how this world works."

He frowned, a faraway look in his eyes. "My memories have faded from when I turned, but I recall the hunger. Vividly. It may be different for your kind, but for me, the bloodlust controlled everything."

They both sat in heavy silence, and Caroline could feel the weight of Klaus' past sins as though they were her own. "Body parts," Caroline blurted out as the awkwardness became overwhelming. At his inquisitive brow, she stuttered, "I mean, um, I was worried when I first turned because I had this stupid idea that a zombie's parts, um...fall off. So, I might have walked around with duct tape wrapped around my arms and legs for the first few months just in case."

Klaus burst out laughing, long, braying noises that made Caroline giggle. There was a smug satisfaction in the realization that she was the only one who could say she'd caused the mighty hybrid king make such an undignified sound. When he finally could speak again, he mused, "I actually harbored similar concerns. Only mine involved whether my shackled wolf would randomly shag the furniture."

And it was in those moments of awkward honesty that the very best first date happened.


Sirens were the worst. They don't just sing their victims into an easy death. Their voices hit an unnatural frequency that causes lungs, ears and intestines to rupture and then explode. Caroline cursed as she arrived at the crime scene, anticipating cleaning up tissue fragments all day. Despite her irritation, she couldn't stop the smug grin tugging at her lips.

The smooth slide of the leather cabin seats against her skin. His touch was surprisingly gentle, but the urgent sighs she made against his lips struck a chord. The press of those lean, powerful muscles.

As she hauled out her plastic tubs of cleaning supplies, she wondered if Klaus would be free for dinner. And dessert.

Later, MUCH later, he'd lifted his curly head from her thighs, smirking at her trembling form. "Was that 'reproach-adjacent', love?"

Caroline quickly pushed open the rusted double doors of the abandoned hospital, knowing she needed to focus on her job. Especially since the rest of her team seemed to be running late if the empty, weed-choked parking lot was any indication. The thick pool of blood at the entrance gave her pause — blood shouldn't be so concentrated in one area for this type of crime scene. Impact spatter patterns for siren kills should spray far and wide across a room.

Blue eyes narrowed as she knelt beside an especially wide bloodstain. The caller provided only the barest of details — the address and that it had been a siren attack. She hadn't been suspicious by the lack of information; the supernatural community fiercely guarded its secrets, and Caroline's crime scene cleaning business had thrived because she didn't ask questions. Now she had questions. A siren didn't cause this crime scene.

The telltale whoosh of displaced air distracted her, but before she could whirl around to confront her attacker, cold hands slithered along her jawline and she felt an unforgiving pressure before she died. Again.


Caroline woke up to a condescending shark's grin. "Ah, you're awake." Her sluggish heart managed to beat a bit faster than normal as she began to panic.

The vampire was slight of stature, but there was power simmering just below the surface. After she'd turned, Caroline learned quickly how to recognize a threat, and this vampire felt almost as old as Klaus.

"Well-spotted, Caroline. Klaus is my sire. I am Lucien."

Damn. She hadn't realized she'd said that out loud. Her gaze quickly flicked to the other two vampires, trying to assess the danger. They seemed younger, perhaps not as reckless as those freshly turned. They seemed to be lackeys and didn't seem especially threatening. Clearly, Lucien knew who she was, but why had he gone to so much trouble to kidnap to her? This was about Klaus. She could feel her temper flare at the thought. "Seriously?! You're holding me hostage because of Klaus? We went on one date!" A really, really good date.

Licking ice cream out of the little dips and sensual curves of Klaus' sculpted abs. Plucking a cherry from between Caroline's breasts with his teeth. And then there was that thing he did with his tongue...that caused her to do several things with hers...

"Don't be coy. New Orleans is positively buzzing with news of the hybrid king's absurd infatuation with a zombie of all things." He reached out to caress her cheek, holding her chin firmly when she tried to jerk away. "I would've taken you for a lesser vampire had I not been told otherwise. A zombie, just imagine," he chuckled cruelly.

Lucien rambled on for a bit, something about The Trinity and proving he was more than a stable boy, blah, blah. Mostly what Caroline heard was 'I'm an insecure man-child so desperate for approval I'd pick a fight I can't possibly win.' She glanced around the room, surprised to see her captors hadn't moved her.

Rolling her eyes, she finally interrupted his mediocre villain's monologue. "Shouldn't I be in an undisclosed location by now while you send a threatening message to Klaus? He's basically a professional stalker, so there's no way he doesn't know where I am right now."

He glanced at his two minions, all of them sharing mocking laughter at her expense. "Insolent tart, he won't expect the trap that awaits him. He won't be expecting me."

For fuck's sake, someone spare her from incompetent villains. They hadn't bound her wrists or ankles, and she was livid that they didn't see her as a threat. She knew zombies were rare in this part of the world, but clearly they hadn't done any research about her or her kind. Well, that was just lazy.

A ghost of a smile graced her lips when she realized her idiot captors had left the tubs of cleaning supplies next to her feet. While Caroline didn't have the superior strength of older vampires, it didn't mean she was defenseless. She always brought her specially formulated cleaning products, but what caught her eye was her halogenated solvents. With one fluid movement, she suddenly held both spray bottles in her hand.

"Foolish child, don't you realize I'm nearly an Original? Mere bleach will not harm me!"

Caroline sweetly replied, "Really? Because Klaus found it a bit...ticklish." With a wicked grin, she rapidly pulled both triggers, the toxic solvent landing on Lucien's face and neck. She took pleasure in his horrified screams as his skin began to sizzle.

She ignored the poisonous fumes that wafted from Lucien's writhing form, and approached his two minions. When they stupidly tried to attack, she knew she didn't have a choice. Summoning the dead stare took a great deal of energy, but as she turned the full force of her lifeless gaze on them, they instantly were hypnotized. Perfect. Now Caroline's kidnappers were her prey.

The dead stare was a well-guarded secret among her kind; the supernatural world would've been alarmed to know the extent of this power. Which is why she hadn't used it on Klaus during their first meeting. Besides, that was more of a second date conversation. Her blunt teeth ripped into the temple of the first minion, wordlessly commanding his silence. The bone was thinnest there, and a few well-placed punches cracked the skull so she could reach her prize.

As Lucien hissed and shrieked from the blood-splattered floor, Caroline silently ordered the second minion kneel before her. She'd just pulled out a bit of brain to taste when Klaus unexpectedly flashed inside, shouting her name until he nearly was hoarse.

Klaus faltered mid-step as he spied his fallen enemy in a whimpering ball on the floor while Caroline continued to calmly chew on the brains of the discarded minions. "I'm uh...here to rescue you."

And it was in those moments of awkward snacking and naked honesty that the very best second date happened.