A/N- Sorry for the long wait, everyone! I'm back! Now, I can't promise this chapter to be as funny as some of the others, but I'll try. Enjoy!


Chapter 3- Life Sucks

"Well, believe it or not," Dracula said as he leaned back in his chair, an almost longing grin appearing on his pale features, "I used to be human."

"I know. You were called…the Impala or something?" Harry said, trying desperately to recall the lecture Hermione had given him before departing with Dumbledore. He really must start listening to her…he might learn something!

"The Impaler! An Impala is a vehicle!" Dracula shouted indignantly. He sighed, then, in a much calmer voice, he continued, "You young ones know nothing today." He sighed again. "But I mean, before that. I was a vampire even then."

"You mean you used to rule an entire kingdom and you were still the evil undead? How'd you pull that off?"

Dracula smiled, pleased with himself. "It wasn't always easy, my young companion, but I did it. Yes, well, as I said, I come from long before that."

Harry wasn't intentionally interrupting, but he couldn't help from being curious. After all, how often did one get to interview the King of the Vampires about his life story? Or un-life story, as the case may be? The Boy-Who-Lived had to interrupt.

"So, when did your son come along? I take it you were a vampire then as well?" he asked.

"All that in good time. Now, do you want to hear my story or what?"

"Yeah."

"Then, hush. Now, once upon a time…"

"Good Lord…"

"Hush! I was a young man with an excellent career and a lovely young wife, of whom I loved with all my heart, body, and, most importantly, soul. I was a tactician in the Crusades, fighting on the side of the Holy Roman Church. Ha! Anyway, there was me and then my best friend…the most powerful, most noble Knight in the Army…Leon Belmont."

"Wait. Aren't the Belmonts against you?"

"All in good time! Tell me, do you interrupt your teachers regularly? Jeez. Anyway, while I was away, my wife had taken ill. She died before I could return to her side. Her loss was more than I could bear, and I soon found myself ill as well. Leon went back to the Crusades, leaving his fiancée behind. I was so angry!"

"At what?"

"Not what. Who. I was angry at God, for taking away my only reason for living and giving my friend a wonderful woman of whom he would marry and grow old with. It wasn't fair! And so, I made a deal with a local vampire lord by the name of Walter Bernhard. He liked hunters to come for him, said he enjoyed the "game." I told him that if he would kidnap Sara, Leon's fiancée, that Belmont would stop at nothing to get her back. All he had to give me in return was immortality."

"Wait! Hold on, just a minute! You did what!" Harry interrupted, almost jumping to his feet. "Let me see if I've got this, your life had taken some bad turns and instead of moving on, like your son suggests, you bring down all hell on your best friend?"

"Your point?"

Harry sighed, shaking his head. He stared in disbelief at the nonchalant expression gracing Dracula's features for a few moments. Finally, he said, "Continue, please."

"Well, to make a long story short, Walter had corrupted Sara with the curse of vampirism; Leon used her spirit to make the Vampire Killer, the whip the Belmonts use against me to this day; Leon killed Walter, I became a vampire, Leon fought with Death, and he swore vengeance on me. I'm sure that made his bloodline very happy," Dracula said with a sardonic smile.

"And your son?"

"Ah, yes, well during my reign of terror as a vampire, I met a beautiful human woman. What astounded me the most about her was that she so resembled my beautiful Elizabetha, both in appearances and personality. I fell immediately in love with her. But our love was to be short-lived as well, as far as my personal timeline is considered. She was a healer in her village, a doctor of sorts I guess one could say. However, she employed the use of herbs to make her medicines. A few years after our son, Adrian--who mostly goes by Alucard--was born, she was accused of being a witch. They stoned her to death as Adrian watched."

"That's horrible!" Harry cried, his eyes wide with alarm.

"Yes. After that, he came to live with me. He even served me by fighting off, and killing, many hunters. Then, one evening, there came a Belmont to darken my doorstep. It was the first Belmont I had seen in years, and I was eager to fight the young woman. Yes!" Dracula said enthusiastically, seeing the vaguely shocked on Harry's face. "The first of Leon's bloodline to challenge the strength I had gained was a young woman. Her name was Sonya Belmont, and she is the reason my son no longer serves me. He fell in love with her, I believe. Though, I'm not entirely sure what happened there. Well, pretty much it's been the same thing every hundred years. Castlevania rises, I rise, and then a Belmont comes, defeats me, and I sleep until the next hundred years rolls around."

Signaling the end of his story, Dracula shrugged. Harry was quite for a moment, taking it all in. Finally, the Boy-Who-Lived spoke.

"So, it must get pretty monotonous," he said.

"Well, there are those few times when things get mixed up. Once, a dark priest that served me by the name of Shaft, tried to bring me back before a hundred years was up. To insure that he wouldn't be stopped, he possessed Richter Belmont. It would have worked except that Richter's sister-in-law and my son joined forces, so to speak, to stop me."

"Interesting..."

Silence followed this. Both Dracula and Harry were looking to their right. Both seemed determined not to stare to hard at the other. Finally, the Dark Prince spoke.

"Would you like a tour of my castle, Harry?"

Giving a small snort of laughter and a shrug, Harry smiled and said, "Sure, why not?"


End Notes: I hope that was funny. I thought it was, mildly so. I hope I got the details in Drac's story right. Please R & R! Thanks!