A/N: Well guys, I hope we are all okay after the last chapter. It was a tough one for me to write and I know that it's jarring to read. For some reason, FF is having issues loading reviews so I'm unable to see the ones you've written me for the last few chapters. Thank you to those who have messaged me to let me know what you've thought. I do apologize if the last episode was triggering for anyone. I did my best to warn everyone without revealing too much.
As always, thank you all for reading and leaving reviews. Someday, I might be able to see them again haha. Keep up the good work and letting me know how you are liking things so far.
July 30, 2004
Angel Grove, CA
I wanted to die.
There was no other way to express how I felt. After Nick's assault on me, he headed upstairs and left me to sob on the floor. I wanted to lay there until I died but I knew I couldn't. Marci would be coming home soon and I couldn't let her see me like this. So, I got up and cleaned myself up in the bathroom. I suppose I should feel lucky that there were no new marks on my face. The blood had come from my nose and the cut on my lip that had reopened. In the bathroom mirror, I was a bloody mess. It was all over my face, the front of my dress and caked in my hair. I cleaned myself up in the bathroom and then scrubbed the shower clean, not wanting any traces of the blood to be found. The back of my head throbbed and each step felt like I had sandpaper between my legs. I gritted my teeth and worked through the pain, moving on to scrub the couch clean. I was able to get most of it out and what little was there blended in with the maroon color of the fabric.
One thing I noticed in the mirror was the mark the curtain cord had left around my neck. It was bright red and turning purple. When I touched it, it burned and made a lump form in my throat. This made me begin to cry again and I hated the person that was looking back at me in the mirror. She was the empty shell of the person I used to be, the broken and hollow girl that used to love life. How could I let Nick do this to me? How could I have let him come this far? How could I keep pushing him to this point? Now, he had made himself clear. He would kill Tommy. I hadn't taken his threat too seriously at first. I knew Tommy could handle himself in a fight. I've seen him do it countless times against bigger guys than Nick. And worse.
Then I found the gun in our closet.
I had been cleaning our room and found it shoved in the back of the closet inside of an old bag. There were bullets with it but I didn't know if it was loaded. He had threatened to Kill Tommy and now, I knew he meant it too. The look in his eyes when he said it told me that he wasn't using an empty threat or a scare tactic. He would have no problem killing Tommy if he knew I had seen him again. It made everything perfectly clear to me.
I couldn't see Tommy anymore.
The idea of that hurt worse than anything Nick had done to me. I had just gotten Tommy back in my life and I didn't want to lose him again. It was then, as I stood there looking in the mirror at myself, that I realized just how much I was still in love with Tommy. I thought I was over him. I thought that I had moved on. But I haven't. And it was the main reason why I had to listen to Nick. I knew if I told anyone, he would follow through with the threat. If he was willing to kill Tommy, I knew he would have no issue going after my other friends as well. I couldn't say anything to anyone. I need to protect them, even if it means cutting them out of my life completely.
Over the next few days, I kept a low profile. I woke up before Marci and put makeup on to cover up the bruises and marks. She had landed a job at the bookstore, thanks to Aisha. Most days, we would walk to work together and then home. Unless it was for work, I didn't leave the house. I made myself busy by working on things in the house and at the theater. It was easier this way, keeping contact with other people at an all time low. When Marci was home and wanted to hang out, I made sure to keep the room dark or I would cover up with a blanket. She never said anything if she did notice the bruises which made me suspect that she didn't. Marci was not one to keep her opinion to herself. It took some of the weight off my shoulders, knowing that she didn't suspect anything.
Nick came and went at all hours, no longer telling me where he was going. I didn't ask, fearful of making him upset. I felt better when he wasn't at home, giving me space to not walk on eggshells around him. When he was there, he spent most of his time in the garage or in our bedroom. There was no apology for what he had done. No affection. No signs of remorse. Instead, he was short whenever he spoke to me and would demand me to do everything for him. I did it without question, catering to anything he needed. I knew he was getting amusement from it, the sick smile he would have on his face told me that. But he would still find things I had done that he didn't like. He slapped me when his laundry wasn't folded right and kicked me while I was cleaning the bathroom. He'd laugh afterwards, telling me I was pathetic and useless. I took the abuse without fighting back, knowing how much worse it could be.
Avoiding everyone was easy at first. After about a week though, the phone calls started. I didn't answer the phone, not wanting to chance it being one of the group. Trini would call multiple times a day, leaving messages on the machine. Then Aisha started. Adam and Billy did too, begging me to call someone. When it was Jason's turn, I knew that they were beginning to really worry. Tommy had also called and I made sure to delete all signs of his number and messages off the phone before Nick could see. At the two week mark, they started to show up at the house. Zack had been the first one, knocking on the door a few times before leaving. Adam swung by and left a note for me in the mailbox, asking to have me contact him to let him know I was okay. I was starting to get fearful that one of them would call the police and report me missing. Thankfully, Billy had run into Marci at the bookstore and she told him I was fine. This got some of the pressure off of my back for a few days which was good.
Nick and I were sitting on the couch watching television when there was a knock on the door. I froze, my heart pounding in my chest as he stood up from his seat. Walking over to the door, he shot me a look before looking through the peephole. He looked back at me.
"Go in the kitchen." He said.
"Who is it?" I asked. He glared at me.
"Just go in the fucking kitchen." He snapped. I stood up and walked quickly towards the kitchen. The person knocked again as I went around the corner and stopped. Leaning against the walk, I strained to hear as he opened the door.
"Yeah?" Nick's voice said.
"Hey, Nick. Is Kimberly here?" Jason's voice asked. I felt tears in my eyes when I heard his voice.
"She's not really in the mood for company right now." Nick replied.
"No one has heard from her in a while. We just wanted to make sure she's okay." Jason explained and I heard the tightness in his voice. I could almost picture the look on his face while he talked to Nick.
"Maybe she just doesn't want to hang out with you guys anymore. Ever thought of that?" Nick asked, a smugness to his voice. "She is allowed to go a few days without checking in with you. She's an adult."
"I understand that. I'm just here making sure she's okay. If she doesn't want to see us anymore, she just has to let us know that. Herself." Jason said and I could hear the volume in his voice begin to climb. Taking a deep breath, I dared a peak around the corner. I had been right about his face. He was staring at Nick hard, his eyes filled with dislike. I had seen the look before going into battle or facing off with Rita and Zedd. The muscles in his jaw were clenched and I knew he wanted to punch the nose of Nick's face. A tear slid down my face and all I wanted to do was call out to him. To tell him that I was here and that I needed help. I couldn't though. I couldn't put the group at risk like that.
"I can assure you that I know what's best for her." Nick said, crossing his arms. When he did, he opened up a clear shot between Jason and I. Jason looked up, his eyes locking with mine. My eyes widened and I could feel another tear slip out, trickling down my face. I shook my head quickly, signalling him to not say anything to me. Jason's expression softened for a moment when he saw me and then took a turn towards silent rage. When Nick noticed that Jason was looking at something behind him, he turned around to investigate. I moved out of sight quickly though, not wanting him to know Jase had seen me.
"Just let me see her and I'll tell everyone she's fine." Jason said. I held my breath, listening.
"Take my word for it. She's fine. Stay away from my wife." Nick said. I heard the door slam shut and I quickly scurried into the kitchen. I grabbed the coffee maker carafe to make it look like I was doing something. I heard his footsteps coming towards the kitchen and a moment later he was in the doorway.
"Who was it?" I asked, trying to sound clueless as I poured coffee into a coffee cup.
"Do you think I'm fucking stupid?" He asked, stepping towards me. I set the cup and the carafe down, turning to face him. The anger in his eyes made my fingers tremble and my heart race. "It was your pal, Jason. He came to see you. What? Did you call him and tell him to come over for a booty call after I leave?"
"N-n-no." I stammered out. "I haven't talked to anyone. I swear."
"Then why was he here?" He exclaimed, taking his arm and wiping out the coffee maker from the counter. It flew, smashing into the wall where it broke into a million little pieces. I jumped, hot coffee spilling all over me. Thankfully, it wasn't too warm but it still stung.
"I don't know." I whimpered. "Nick, I promise I haven't talked to anyone."
"Don't lie to me!" He yelled. He brought his hand back to hit me but the sound of the front door opening made him freeze.
"Hey, guys!" Marci called, her chipper voice sounding foreign in the house. Nick stepped back away from me as her footsteps came towards us. She came into the kitchen, smiling, until she saw the coffee pot. "Oh no! What happened?"
"Kim knocked it off the counter." Nick replied. "You know how klutzy she is."
"This is a crime scene." Marci said, frowning. "How will we function without coffee?"
"I'll get a new one on my way home from work." I said, forcing a smile.
"Let me help you clean this up." Marci said, grabbing the broom.
"I'm going out." Nick said before leaving. I heard the front door open and close, followed by the car leaving. Kneeling down, I grabbed a towel from the counter and wiped up the spilled coffee. Marci knelt down across from me.
"Well, that's something." She said.
"What?"
"How did you accidentally knock it off the counter and into the wall?" She asked. I didn't move to look at her, picking up pieces of glass. "Kim…"
"Don't get involved." I said, standing up. "Trust me. It's better for you if you don't."
The next day brought a welcomed day off. Marci had to work all day and Nick was gone before I even opened my eyes. This meant that I had some time before I had to make up my face before she would be home. Getting up, I headed downstairs and made myself some breakfast. The coffee pot was not cleaned up and thrown in the garbage, a stain on the wall where the coffee had splattered. I had scrubbed at it last night but there was still a mark. I knew the feeling, I thought as I walked passed it. I opted to sit in the kitchen nook area instead of the living room.
Since my assault, it took a lot for me to sit in there. I felt like Nick had found a new way of torturing me by making me sit in there when he was home. It triggered a panic attack the first day but ever since, I've tried my best to not link those two things together out of fear of him. I was going off survival mode now, not only protecting myself but also Marci. I didn't think that Nick would hurt her or even try but at this point, I didn't know what he was capable of. I've been trying to convince her to head back to Miami but her mother had called, giving her full blessing for her to be here. Plus, Nick liked having her around to double check what I had done that day.
As I finished the last bite of my toast, I heard a knock on the door. I didn't move, unsure of what to do. When it happened again, I quietly walked over to the door and looked through the peephole. I saw Trini standing on the porch, her long hair down and she wore a yellow tank top and a tan colored pair of shorts. She knocked again and I backed away from the door. I made sure the door was still locked before heading back to the kitchen. She would eventually give up like the last few times. Maybe she would even think I wasn't home. Either way, I could avoid her.
In the kitchen, I got myself a bottle of water from the fridge and took a sip. I was relieved to hear that the knocking had stopped and that she had given up. I felt guilty but I knew this was how it needed to be. I cleaned the counter off, putting the toaster back in its place. I grabbed my water, heading out of the kitchen and into the living room. I was startled when I saw Trini standing in the middle of the room.
"Kimberly." She said, her eyes widening when she saw me.
"How did you get in here?" I asked, taking a step back.
"I remembered where your mother hid the spare key. I ran into Marci at the bookstore and she told me you would be home all day." She replied, holding it out to me. I quickly took it from her, tucking it into the pocket of my sweater. "Kim, what happened to you?"
"Nothing." I replied, turning away from her and heading into the kitchen. She was hot on my tail.
"Nothing? We haven't heard from you in almost a month! I've been worried sick. I thought for sure you ran back to Miami or something."
"Well, I didn't. See? You can go now." I snapped, opening up the junk drawer and throwing the spare key inside. "Tell everyone to just leave me alone. I just want some space."
"Space? Look at you! I've seen guys come out of the ring at Jason's kickboxing tournaments with less bruises than you have right now. It's Nick, isn't it? He's been beating you up."
"No, he hasn't. Don't worry about me. You just need to leave." I brushed past her and back into the living room.
"It took nearly everything in Jason not to beat your husband to a pulp yesterday when he was here. The only reason he didn't do it was because he didn't know what he would do to you if he did. You need to tell him to leave, Kimberly. I will help you. I can get the guys to come over and we can get the police involved." I shook my head, panic filling my chest.
"No, Trini! Don't you get it? This is my marriage! This is all my business between Nick and I. He doesn't feel comfortable with me being around Tommy since we have a history. That's why I've been staying away from you guys. It's easier this way. Nick and I can work on getting things better and Tommy can finally move on."
"You can't honestly believe that, Kim." She whispered. "If you give into him, he's never going to stop. He's just going to keep on doing this until he kills you."
"Look, I know what I'm doing. I'm sorry if I worried you guys but I'm fine. I just need some time to figure stuff out on my own. I need to stay clear of Tommy and if that means you guys too, it's going to have to be that way for right now." I explained. I needed Trini to leave. If Nick surprised me by coming home early and found her, I didn't know what he would do and I didn't want to give him an excuse to test out his gun.
"So, you're just going to cut us all off then?" She asked. "You're just going to let him dictate every part of your life because he doesn't like it?"
"It's not like that! Trini, please just go. I have stuff I need to do before Nick gets home."
"I'm not leaving until you tell me the truth." She said, crossing her arms. "If you can look me in the eye and tell me that you feel safe here, I'll go and just walk right out of your life."
"Please don't make this harder than it needs to be. I'm fine!"
"This is not fine." She said, reaching out and grabbing my hand. She pulled my sleeve up, revealing hand prints where Nick had grabbed me. I yanked my arm back, covering them back up. Tears welled in her eyes as she looked at me, covering her mouth with her hand. "He's going to kill you, Kimberly." I shook my head, opening the door.
"You need to go." I said.
"Kim-."
"Now!" I exclaimed. "Keep your nose out of my business. This is my life and I don't need any of you trying to tell me how to live it."
"Fine." She said, wiping her eyes. She moved, walking through the door. She stopped just on the other side of it though, turning to face me. "If you change your mind, please come find me. I'll help you do whatever you need. I love you, Kim. We all do."
"I know." I said, feeling tears in my eyes. "I'll be fine. Please go." I closed the door, collapsing into a sobbing heap on the other side of it.
