Groove is in the Heart(ache)
Author's note: In this human AU, Caroline is at the party from hell. Between her cheating ex showing up with a date and her best friend clumsily hitting on her, she's desperate to escape. Can a pair of dimples salvage this disaster?
"He's not vicious or malicious,
Just de-lovely and delicious,
I couldn't ask for another."
Groove Is in the Heart by Deee-Lite
It was when Tyler's date vomited for the second time that Caroline decided it might be time to call it a night. She and Katherine had been holed up in her kitchen, quietly bitching about Tyler having the audacity to bring a date to the party. Barely a month ago, he'd accidentally texted her some pictures that clearly had been meant for someone else. Or, as she later found out, several someones.
"My baby brother is a clueless asshat," Katherine fumed, rifling through a drawer for the spare corkscrew. "Jeremy seriously thought it was a good idea to invite Tyler and his fetus to my party after what that piece of shit did to you?!"
"Hayley's not a fetus," Caroline said, rolling her eyes at her friend's indignant expression. "She's at least old enough to drink. Probably." It stung to see her ex-boyfriend sloppily make out with the girl every time Caroline happened to walk by, but she was surprised by how her main emotion had been secondhand embarrassment for her former lover. It was a dinner party, for fuck's sake. He seemed to have reverted to this weird frat boy persona that he should've outgrown years ago.
Katherine snorted, topping off her wine. "You know he only brought her to make you jealous. You wouldn't take him back and now Stefan's sniffing around you. Watching Hair Gel hit on you is almost as cringey as listening to Hayley try to form a coherent thought."
Putting away the leftover herbed cheese mini tarts, Caroline sighed. "Stefan's just in a weird place right now. He realized too late that Elena's into Damon and now he's trying to make something happen between us that's just not there."
"You guys grew up together. Ick — he's like your brother."
She shrugged, her stomach churning a bit when she thought back to his earlier hug that suddenly had a gropey vibe and his gruff-voiced suggestion that they 'go have a drink sometime.' Maybe it wasn't his fault that his flirting felt bizarrely incestuous, but he really needed to learn how to read the room. Her thoughts were interrupted when Hayley stumbled into the kitchen, collapsing at the sink where she proceeded to vomit. Again.
"How's Tyler's messy bitch this drunk already? Doesn't she get enough practice downing Jello shots at Sigma Kappa Alpha Delta Zeta Phi whatever," Katherine snidely asked.
"Don't be such a judgy bitch, Kat. Remember what we were like? Back then, you dated a guy old enough for it to be cringey and he took you to that awful dinner party where you got so hammered you called me from host's shower to come pick you up," Caroline grimly reminded her friend, politely leaving out the part where Katherine's date ended up paying for the steam cleaning of the Persian rug in the foyer.
Katherine snorted, aggressively wiping down the island between them. "Those old broads did the whole 'pearl-clutching' and 'Whore of Babylon' whispering at me the entire time I was there."
"I'm sure we're an intimidating group, so Hayley just felt compelled to drink until it wasn't awkward," Caroline admonished, grabbing some ice out of the freezer and wrapping it in a towel. The instant she lightly placed it on the back of Hayley's neck, the girl started heaving.
"Oh, gross. I'm out," Katherine announced, swiping her wine glass as she headed back to the living room.
Muttering to herself, Caroline lightly patted Hayley's back. "I can't believe I skipped Oreo popcorn movie night for this."
"I wholeheartedly agree," a low voice teased, and she felt her body stiffen. Klaus Mikaelson stepped into the kitchen, completely unbothered by a drunkenly babbling Hayley bent over the sink between them.
Caroline had been introduced to Klaus earlier that evening and had gotten into a spirited argument with him about the lack of government sanctions for corporate loans. Born into privilege, his family name and undeniable good looks had ensured the entire world was laid at his feet. He was everything she hated. And yet she couldn't stop sneaking covert glances at him during dinner. "Shouldn't you be off crushing peasants beneath your gilded boot heel?"
"Only after you finish washing their feet and bottle-feeding them."
Smug bastard. How dare he flash those dimples at her. Hayley retched, and Caroline said, "As you can see, I'm busy, but I'm sure Katherine's guests would enjoy hearing more of your oblivious silver spoon observations."
Klaus watched in amusement as Caroline hastily fetched the poor girl a glass once she started drinking straight from the faucet in gasping gulps. He teased, "You find vomit preferable to my company?"
"Absolutely," she replied cheerfully.
Very Necessary Transactions
Author's note: In this human AU, Caroline is a teacher who take an unconventional route to fundraising.
"I believe when life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade...and try to find someone whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."
― Ron White
It was the perfect plan. Unconventional, to be sure, but Caroline couldn't deny the results. The very lucrative results. There wasn't a particularly graceful way to grab all of the cash off the stage, but she'd perfected a sweeping leg gesture with a cute little wiggle that at least allowed her to exit before the neon glitter shower started.
Adjusting the long, sweeping feathers of her thong, she discreetly tucked a wad of bills into the lockbox with her ridiculous stage name. As a sweaty drunk guy twice her age winked at her, she plastered on a wide smile and sauntered over. Just do it for the kids.
After the school board (made up of entitled, smug bastards who'd never taught a day in their lives) vetoed a fundraiser to buy her middle school students laptops, Caroline made a plan. Stripping was a terrible idea. If anyone found out, she'd be fired and possibly even lose her license. But the money was too good. She'd have enough to buy the laptops before the end of the semester.
The cold metal chair was digging into the back of her thigh. Her palms were sweating after giving her speech to the school board and the board director who was unfairly hot (with dimples AND an accent) kept staring at her. Klaus Mikaelson was a recent transfer from a prestigious East Coast private school, and she was starting to see why the PTA suddenly had seen an increase in attendance.
Did he seriously just wink at her? No, that's not happened. He just blinked. With one eye. Flushing slightly, she mentally replayed her passionate rant about disenfranchised students and actually creating an equal learning environment rather than foolishly pretending the school embraced those values. It certainly caught Klaus' attention. Unfortunately, the rest of the board didn't seem as amused. From the muttering and eyebrow raising, it looked like her students were getting screwed over again.
With a sharp smack of the gavel, Klaus announced with an irritated sigh, "The budget is fixed for the school year and our fundraising efforts will be focused on building renovations. I'm afraid your proposal calls for a bit more creativity to secure funding. But we wish you the best of luck in your endeavors, Miss Forbes."
That's when she decided that dimples and accents were stupid.
As she teased her platform stiletto along the customer's trouser leg, she saw the possessive glint in his eye and was pleased the club had beefy bouncers covertly stationed nearby. Way too many of her regulars didn't understand she was providing a fantasy — nothing was real. And she didn't need saving. Except from the state's dismal school curriculum requirements.
"Cherry," he drunkenly sighed, his hand wandering dangerously close to her thigh, "you're such a beautiful woman. I need a woman like you in my life."
Here we go. Barely refraining from rolling her eyes, Caroline deftly swiveled her hips before he could touch her. In the brief few weeks she'd been stripping, she'd been amazed at the ridiculous propositions she'd received from customers. She just hoped his tacky proposal wouldn't involve mustard. That had been weird. Especially the part involving the armadillo.
As he continued his drunken ramblings, her rolling hips stuttered almost to a stop. She knew that voice. Taking a sly peak from underneath her enormous pink and black curly wig, she let out a small gasp. She was giving a lap dance to Alaric Saltzman, one of the asshole board members who'd denied her push for funding. Fuck.
Fortunately, his swaying body and unfocused stare told her he wouldn't recognize his own drooling face, much less hers. She grimaced as his unpleasantly moist fingers lingered at the side of her thong, taunting her with several crisp hundred-dollar bills that he kept dangling out of her reach.
"That's enough, mate," an accented voice growled next to them, "the lady deserves your respect."
Caroline squeezed her eyes shut. This was not happening. What the hell was Klaus doing there? The prolonged silence finally became too much, and when she peeked from underneath her enormous false eyelashes, she was shocked to see the empathy in Klaus' gaze as he politely handed her Alaric's tip. "It's time to get you home."
As he yanked the drunken board member to his feet, he nodded at Caroline, and she did her best to ignore the way her heart fluttered as he murmured, "I admire a woman with such creativity."
